Hello!

Getting into some tense chapters now! Meredith is getting her intern test results, but it's not going to go as planned! You'll see why I did this in two chapters time.

Enjoy?

"I love you. And I love you. And I love you-"

"Derek-" She tried.

"And I love you. And I lov-"

"Derek!" She giggled, elbowing him softly. "Stop telling me that you love me."

"But I do love you." He smiled, and kissed her. "I really need you to know that right now."

"What if I don't pass?" She asked. "What if I have to repeat intern year? What are my friends going to think? I mean, will they even let me repeat intern year? Like- what if I get such a bad score that they won't even accept me to-"

"Meredith." He said, his voice calm and soft. He rubbed her back. When she'd first come out of the exam, he had been the one freaking out for her, but the roles had most definitely reversed. He supposed those hours of not knowing had caused his anxieties, while Meredith was the kind of person to think about it more and more as time went on, so her feelings had just been slowly building while they waited for this fateful day. "Breathe, please."

She sighed. "I'm trying."

"I know. I'm sorry. I feel endlessly useless right now- I'm just trying to keep you from exploding." He explained. "Is...is it working?"

"I'm not sure if it's helping in...you know, a direct anti-anxiety kind of way, but I certainly feel very loved."

He smiled. "Well I-"

"Oh my god!" She squealed as a new email loaded. Her hands jumped to cover her eyes.

"Meredith-"

"No! I can't look!"

"It's Walmart, Meredith. They have your order ready to collect."

She uncovered her eyes, and looked down at her phone. Walmart. It really was Walmart. They clearly were not aware that today was the day of her intern results.

She giggled at that, mainly out of nerves, as Derek pulled her a little closer.

"Breathe again. It's okay. Everything is-"

"Ah!" She covered her eyes again.

"Okay." He breathed. This one was titled 'Intern Test', so it most definitely wasn't a false alarm. "Do you want me to read it to you?"

Nothing.

He looked up from the phone to see her curled up into a ball on the bed, in a tight fetal position. God; she really was absolutely terrified. "Uh- Meredith, shall I tell you? Do you want me to read it?"

She nodded her head from within her cacoon.

He didn't speak for a long, long time.

"Derek-" Meredith begged after what she was sure just have been a few years. Or...maybe just a few seconds.

"It's okay, Meredith."

She lifted her head at that. She didn't like the tone of his voice. "What?"

"Just breathe."

"Why? What...what did I get?" She asked desperately, feeling her heart attacking her chest.

He swallowed, "You didn't pass."

Tears filled her eyes instantly. "No."

"Meredith-"

"No. No, that's not-" She swallowed. "What did I get? How bad is it?"

"Don't worry about that right now, okay?"

"Please."

"Mer-" He reached out to brush her shoulder, but she pulled away instantly.

She almost fell off of the bed from how quickly she fled, before running into the bathroom. The slam behind her was so loud the painting in his bedroom almost fell off of the wall.

Derek took a single second to breathe before calling out to her, "Meredith, it's okay. You remember what I said if this happened. You remember I said I still love you and that it's going to be okay and that I'll support you through whatever happens next and-"

He was cut off by a ping from his phone. No, Meredith's phone.

Holy crap.

"Meredith!" He shouted instantly. "Meredith, come back! Come back! They sent you the wrong email! Oh my freaking god, how the hell did they send you the wrong freaking email?"

Nothing.

"Meredith, I'm not kidding. It says it here. They sent you the wrong one. You passed Meredith. It was a mistake, come back."

After a long moment, he heard the latch being pulled, before the door opened. A pale figure with wide eyes timidly stepped out. She looked so horrified.

"They sent you the wrong results, Meredith. This...this says that the highest score was 93." He explained in a soft voice as she moved to the bed and sat down on it where she was before. He swallowed. "And...you got 92."

Her demeanor changed completely at that, "What?"

"Mean of 74, mode of 73, highest scored 93, lowest scored- ouch, 31...your score-"

She ripped the phone out of his hand. "92? I got...92?"

"92." He confirmed.

"92?" She questioned yet again.

He smiled a little, "92."

"92?" She pushed.

"Yes, Meredith, 92; you don't have to say it again."

"9-"

"Okay, okay-" He pulled her towards him, and she fell like a rag doll into his lap and onto his chest. She didn't have the capacity to do anything but repeat those two numbers, clearly. "Breathe. Just breathe."

"But...I mean...I got- for a second I really thought- I can't believe I-"

"You passed. With flying colours. We can be calm." He soothed with a soft voice, stroking her hair. "Just breathe. Follow my pattern. Try not to explode. It's okay. You're okay. I mean, you're not just okay...you're freaking amazing. But...for now, we're just gonna focus on breathing."

She sighed. "Breathing. Yes. I...I can do that."

"Hey. All ready to head out?" He glanced to the clock on the wall. "They should be here in five."

"Mmm mmm." She agreed quietly.

"Hey. Where's the smiling?"

She looked up. "What?"

"You passed your test."

"I did."

"I...thought you might be happier." He explained. Her answers were so short, it wasn't helping him figure out what was wrong.

"I am happy I passed."

He read through that instantly. "If you are happy that you passed, does that mean something else is bothering you?"

"It's not important."

"It must be if it's making you upset."

She didn't say anything for a moment before looking up to his eyes. "I love you."

For the first time since getting back together, he didn't return that verbally, with some combination of kissing and cuddling. He didn't do anything. "I know."

"No- like, I love you." She repeated.

"Meredith-" He sighed. She so clearly wasn't okay. "Are you worried about me again? I'm okay. I'm not in pain right now, and I promise I've been doing really well. You don't need to worry about me."

"I don't...show you."

"Show me what?"

"That I love you. I don't show you enough. Maybe I don't show you at all. I don't...make it clear. I'm not good at this, and I'm so sorry. I really try because I really do love you but I don't think I show you often enough and I'm sorry I don't because I really, really promise I-"

"Woah. Woah, woah, woah-" He breathed as he engulfed her in a hug, glad when it stopped her from talking. He pulled away after a moment, but left his hands on her knees. "Breathe, Meredith."

Her eyes sparkled with tears, "I'm sorry that I'm not a good partner."

"Meredith, what are you talking about? You're an amazing girlfriend, better than I could have ever wished for."

She shook her head.

"Yes. Yes, you are. I promise, you are. I love you, so much, and you love me so much, and I know that because you do show me. You're so good at showing me and I feel it everyday."

"Not good enough." She uttered.

"You're better than enough, Mer. So, so, so much better than I could have ever wished for. And that's not just because I think I'm undesirable nowadays- I'd love you in any body with any standards because you are just so freaking amazing." He reassured her. "And I promise you are good at showing me love. I feel so loved when I'm with you, it's actually crazy how happy I feel just to be with you because I know how much you love me. No one has ever made me feel so loved, and that's a promise. Just...don't tell my mom I said that."

She sniffed as she smiled a little at his small joke. "I'm sorry- I...I shouldn't have said all that."

"It's okay. I don't mind. I can't mind, considering how often I fall apart. But what's happened? What's wrong? Is it-" He paused when the doorbell rang.

Crap.

He looked round when he heard the front door creak open.

Double crap.

He'd unlocked it because he thought Meredith was going to rush out, smiling and giggling with her friends.

Now he regretted that tiny decision so, so damn much.

"Hey." Izzie greeted with an awkward smile and a wave from the front door.

Meredith stood, a smile on her face. "Hey Iz."

"You got that email after your results too right- apologising for the incorrect results? Can you believe they messed up the emails so bad? I can't believe they sent everyone an email saying they'd failed!"

She smiled through a short, very much fake laugh. She couldn't laugh about it genuinely; it hurt so much. So, so much. Too much. "I know. It's crazy."

"Others are just in the cab."

She nodded, "I'm almost ready to go. I just need to put my shoes on so give me another thirty seconds, Iz. You can wait outside if you want."

She nodded with a smile, "Okay."

She picked up her shoes from the rack near the door, and closed it while she was there. She knew what was about to come.

"Meredith-"

"Not now, Derek."

"You were boarderline crying. You are not okay." He whispered. "Do you want to go out right now?"

"Derek, I'm fine. I'm sorry. Just...forget it. It's not important. I'm just...so many emotions today with my test and thinking that I hadn't passed. I think I'm still pumping adrenaline now from how scary it all was for a moment."

He nodded. "I get it. But I need you to know that I love you, and that you're the best girlfriend in the freaking world."

"I know I'm not the world's worst girlfriend. I promise I do know really, I think. I'm just-" She took in a nervous breath and let it out as a shaky sigh as her eyes watered, "I'm so stressed, Derek."

"I know, I know. But it's okay." He took both of her hands in his and squeezed them tight. She was opening up. Talking about her feelings. Letting herself be vulnerable. This was massive. "I know how anxious you've been about the exam and I know that issue with the results was the last thing you needed and trust me, someone will be fired over that-"

She smiled a little.

"But you passed. Or- well, you didn't even pass, you excelled. You did freaking amazingly because you are freaking amazing. Okay? And you know I think you're the best girlfriend that could possibly exist, yeah? Deep down, beyond the adrenaline volcano, I know you know that."

She nodded a little. "Yes. And...for that, and a million other things, I love you."

"I love you too. So much. Outrageously much."

She sighed, this time happily, before kissing him and standing to leave, "Now...you've got an eight-to-twelve at the hospital, and I've got a party to get to."

"Mer-" He pleaded as she stood.

"Derek, seriously-" She paused when she turned around. He wasn't trying to stop her, he wanted a hug, which she happily obliged to.

He beamed as she jumped into the arms he was holding out to her, stroking her back. He had been the one who asked for it, sure, but it wasn't for him. It was for her. She needed it. She so, so needed it. And how much she truly needed it was confirmed each second she clung to him.

They kissed, just once more before splitting.

"See you soon!"

"See you soon too...Resident."

"Ah! No!" She squealed, pausing half way out the door. "Don't call me that."

He stuck his tongue out at her.

She giggled, "I hate you, Derek Shepherd."

"Yeah, yeah-" He chuckled before sighing as he finished, "Love you too Mer."