Disclaimer: I do not own Marvel Cinematic Universe, Blade, or anything else you may recognize

Got this idea from a little meme I'd seen.

This is not for MCU Tony Stark fans. While I like him other than in 'Civil War' and 'Homecoming', his fanbase really gets on my nerves.

You've all been warned now, in summary, A/N and for those on AO3, tags as well, so if you don't like it, turn back now.

Enjoy.

"I'm the first MCU movie!" Tony rambled to Steve, Natasha, Thor, Clint, Banner, Rhodes, Wanda, Vision and Sam. "None of you're worth even a little of me, I'm the greatest."

"Because you're the first movie?" Clint asked with an eyeroll.

"Yes, useless archer who has no movie, just a show that sidelines him in favor of the newbie anyways", Tony taunted him with a smirk. "I came before all of you, I started the MCU! Me! And my actor saying 'I am Iron Man' made history, so obviously, I am the greatest!"

He added with a look to Banner. "Not to mention, I showed up at the end of YOUR only solo movie in the MCU where you'd a different actor, showing how its all connected, so its more proof I'm the greatest!"

"Wanna tell him your Trilogy is the most beloved?" Natasha asked Steve in a whisper.

"He'll just claim its because he showed up in the third one to steal it from me", Steve said with a shrug. "Even though my second one is considered the best in the MCU by most."

"Even Marvel's greatest Hero that is Spider-Man became my little slave and sidekick because everyone knows I am the greatest, because I AM THE FIRST!"

"Hey!"

Hearing the voice, they all turned to see a figure walk out of the shadows.

It was revealed to be a black man, wearing shades, and a trench coat, with a sword to his back, while he'd guns too.

"Blade, the Vampire Slayer", Thor whispered his name in awe.

"Buffy won't like that", Wanda whispered jokingly, having recently seen the show and its spin-off 'Angel', and having really loved both of them, 'Angel' more though.

Blade stopped a few inches from Tony.

"Look at me."

Tony tried not to look at him.

"Look at me!"

Finally, Tony looked into his shades.

"I am the first MCU movie now."

Tony's face turned red as the others burst into laughter, while Blade made to walk off, only for Tony to say. "Just because it retroactively became canon in the Multiverse doesn't make it the first MCU film!"

Blade chuckled and turned back to him. "Even then, it was the first really hit Marvel movie, and saved the superhero genre after Superman IV: The Quest for Peace and Batman & Robin had nearly killed it. I showed how superheroes could be serious, not just campy. If not for me, the X-Men movies and Spider-Man Trilogy won't be a thing. Without those", Blade pointed at Tony, "you won't be a thing, meaning you owe your existence to ME!"

Tony sputtered for a response, before suddenly saying. "Playing me revitalized my actor's career! Your actor messed everything up by not paying taxes!"

"Him not paying taxes has nothing to do with my movies though, at least his choices didn't ruin my character or my films, that's more on that idiot Goyer", Blade said before taking off his shades to look right into Tony's eyes. "While your actor actively seems to make choices that make you look worse. First, he did not exit after 'Iron Man 3' like he should have, then he got your role increased in 'Civil War' from a cameo to…whatever that was, not to mention Feige seems to bow down to your actor's whims. And finally, in 'Endgame', instead of apologizing, because of your actor, you went on a Hydra-like rant and your deranged fanbase thought it validates the nonsensical Team Iron Man somehow." He rolled his eyes. "I saw some dumbass saying the MCU idolizes Captain America way too much, which is such bullshit! Your actor says 'bend over', Feige asks- 'At what angle?'"

This just made the rest chuckle even more before Tony spouted. "I am popular, and so is he! They brought him back to play Doom!"

"All to pull back your deranged fanbase, but your actor is just going to ruin Doom in live-action a THIRD time, mark my words", Blade said with a shrug. "Besides, the highest grossing MCU Spider-Man film is the one which you did not hijack and which actually made him the real Spider-Man, what'd you say about that?"

"People don't understand my brilliance and my influence on Spider-Man!"

"More like don't want it because it's such shit and only motherfuckers out of their damn minds can like it!" Blade shrugged. "Your actor playing Doom is just going to ruin the film a third time, I already know it. My return in 'Deadpool & Wolverine' got me so many cheers. Not to mention, my actor and Ryan buried the hatchet. Its called maturity, maybe you and your actor should learn that."

Tony sputtered again while Sam said. "I wish I'd recorded that."

"I did", Vision revealed, making the rest cheer.

Blade put his shades back on and walked off, leaving the sputtering Tony behind.

"Some motherfuckers are always trying to ice-skate uphill."

And that was so much fun to do.

Like I said, I like Tony, but I couldn't stand him in 'Civil War' and 'Homecoming', with the writing never holding him accountable for his bad choices, or having him face the consequences for his actions.

He was better in 'Infinity War' and 'Endgame', and his scene where he sacrifices himself is still epic, but my issues with him remain.

And his influence on Spider-Man in the MCU ruined him completely, making him Iron Boy Jr. Love 'No Way Home' because it actually gave us the real Spider-Man finally, with a spectacular story.

And now bringing back RDJ as Doom is just gonna blow up in their faces. Doctor Doom should be introduced with a bang, and he should give off Doctor Doom vibes.

He shouldn't be an Iron Man Variant.

Oh well, the GOAT, that is Wesley Snipes' Blade, calling out RDJ's Tony Stark was fun to do.

Hope all enjoyed and see you all next time with some other update.