His hesitation lasted for almost a week. I didn't push him, I could tell that he needed to believe he could do this and the only way was for him to try again. I don't know if he had tried…that…again or not, I couldn't bring myself to ask. The first couple nights he was more reserved physically then he had been since getting engaged, slowly he seemed to relax a little, kissing me with ease and holding me close. I didn't ask if our exploration was over or not, I wasn't ready for the answer.

He went hunting tonight, and even thought Alice tried to convince me to have another 'slumber party' at the Cullen house I turned her down in favor of my own bed. I couldn't get my mind off of our conversation from the other night, going over everything he had said. I knew what the most important thing that I was supposed to focus on was, but I didn't care. What I was focusing on was the image that was seared into my mind by what he had told me. I tried to picture him outside, surrounded by the dark woods, his head tipped backwards in pleasure. Morbid curiosity made me wonder if I could find that tree he had supposedly mangled but I dismissed it quickly. He would know that I had been outside and why, and I was not ready for that conversation.

Even still I couldn't get the image from my head. I tossed and turned for what felt like hours, I always had trouble sleeping with him away but now with the wedding only nine days away it was impossible. I turned again, laying on my back and staring up at the ceiling. I couldn't ignore what was actually on my mind, despite trying to. He had taken our conversation seriously and had even told me that he had done it and yet still here I was, all alone in bed, wide awake and ignoring my body's reaction. I felt embarrassed even thinking about it, which was exactly part of the problem. I was eighteen years old and about to be married but the mere thought of touching myself embarrassed me. I had problems.

I huffed out an annoyed sigh at myself and closed my eyes. When another couple minutes passed in silence I finally worked up the courage to slide my hand down my stomach, not stopping to second guess myself before moving under the band of my pjs. I tentatively ran my finger over myself, exploring. I wasn't completely naive, I knew the mechanics of sex and what was supposed to feel good. I had read plenty of books describing what and where, so I found what was supposed to be the most sensitive spot, running my finger around the bundle of nerves. It did feel good, so I spent some time on that spot, feeling myself get more turned on and building up the courage to slide my finger lower, easing it into myself. It wasn't as satisfying as I had been expecting and I worried I was doing something wrong, so I moved back up to my clit and returned my focus on just that.

It wasn't that it was bad, it did feel good and the more I played with that spot the more I needed the release that should come with it, but it wasn't enough. I tried moving faster but it only seemed to make me more frustrated and eventually I gave up, more agitated than I had been before I started. Needless to say it was a very restless night.

I woke up the next morning with his cool arm around my waist. I snuggled closer into his chest, feeling his marble body at my back.

"Good morning." He said quietly. His breath rushing over my ear. I shivered slightly and he moved to pull back, but I grabbed his arm and held on tighter.

"Good morning." He caved into my hold, but his breath no longer touched me when he spoke again.

"How was your night?" I shrugged and felt the telltale signs of a blush creep into my face.

"It was fine. How was yours?" He didn't seem placated and instead shifted behind me, his hand on my stomach gently rolling me onto my back so he could see my face. I knew he could see the blush but there was no way I was telling him why it was there.

"Bella, why are you blushing?" I avoided his eyes and shrugged again.

"I was always blush, you know this." His hand shifted, gently taking my chin and raising it so I was forced to look him in the eyes.

"Yes you do, but usually it's because of a reason that's locked away in that brilliant mind of yours." He let me go, tapping his index finger against my forehead. I rolled my eyes and then turned the rest of the way into him.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." He sighed aloud, exaggerating the sound.

"Whatever am I going to do with you." He said exasperated, but I knew he wasn't serious. He took hold of my right hand, bringing it up to his lips and pressing a kiss to my knuckles. I grinned, about to make a joke when he froze. His eyes slid shut, his nostrils flared in what would have been a comic way had his lids not open to reveal dark, honeyed eyes. I froze also, my brain for once working at an alarmingly fast rate as I realized exactly what he had just scented. I ripped my hand away from his without thinking, only thankful that the move didn't dislocate any fingers. Why oh why hadn't I showered after my attempt last night. Why hadn't he ever told me he could smell…that! My heart raced at an unnatural pace and I couldn't fight the absolute mortification that swarmed me. I buried my face into my pillow, digging my hand under it as well for good measure.

"Bella." That one word sounded so strained.

"Oh god. Please kill me now." I talked into the fabric, almost wishing I could actually smother myself, but I knew he would never allow it.

"That is not funny." He growled quietly.

"I'm not joking." He was quite for a minute until I felt his hand rest on my back, rubbing soothing circles into my strained muscles.

"Bella it's okay. I'm sorry if I embarrassed you, I just was not expecting…that." I only moaned in mortification into the pillow.

"I should not have reacted that way." I knew I was being immature, but I didn't care. Nothing he said would get me to come out of hiding.

"Do you forgive me?" I groaned again but this time it was in annoyance.

"I'm not mad at you, i'm mad at me!" I felt him shift closer, his thumb pressing gently into my strained shoulders, and he kissed the side of my head.

"You should not be mad at yourself, I'm the one who came into your room and reacted poorly to your scent. I should have thought better, obviously after our conversation I should have been prepared for this." I shook my head, not ready to come out but not willing for him to take the blame on this.

"I didn't realize you could tell. I would have showered."

"That is not necessary. Okay maybe before being around my family but not me Bella. Im serious. It took me by surprise but it's okay. It is completely natural, and you have nothing to be embarrassed about." I ignored him, secretly plotting ways to off myself without having to leave this spot.

"Can you please come out of there?" Again I only shook my head. He didn't talk for a couple minutes, and I hoped he would just leave me to die of mortification in peace. He didn't though, eventually he moved in closer, sweeping my hair from my face and neck and pressed his lips to my cheek.

"I never told you because I knew it would embarrass you and I didn't want that, but what you see as an embarrassment I see as incredibly sexy." He talked so quietly that if he wasn't inches from my ear I wouldn't be able to hear him.

"I never told you cause how could I possible explain that the scent that comes from your body when you are aroused drives me insane? Every time I smell you I have to make myself walk away and it hurts, knowing how badly you want it to." I didn't move from my hiding spot, but he knew my undivided attention was on him and his words.

"Every time I smell your desire Bella, I want to throw out every single careful rule I have regarding touching you." His finger ran down my exposed neck before he leaned in and kissed it.

"Please come out of there." He knew what he was doing when his lips grazed down my neck and onto my shoulder.

"No." The fight had left me thought and he sensed it. His lips trailed back up my neck, cold but somehow scorching at the same time.

"Please? I need to kiss you." The undeniable need in that sentence was my undoing. I finally caved, turning my head to see his perfect face inches away.

He didn't wait, leaning in and kissing me fervently. I didn't have control of my own body, I twisted the rest of the way and leaned into him. His arm circled my body, pulling me closer to his chest. His kisses were more like the ones we had been sharing a couple days ago before his freak out and I was happy at least that he seemed to be over it. He pulled back to allow me to breath, but his lips only moved back to my throat, his hand sliding down to rest on my hip. I knew I should keep my mouth shut but I didn't.

"Are you feeling better?" He paused before raising his face to be level with mine.

"Im sorry I broke the rules." His fingers moved gently on my hip, curling and uncurling against my pjs.

"I forgive you." I raised my hand to stroke his hair but then remembered too late what had happened earlier, so I dropped it again, feeling the blood rush to my face.

"I am not worthy of your love or your forgiveness, but I cannot live without either." His hand left my hip, taking the hand that I had dropped and bringing it up to his face again. He deliberately kissed my knuckles once more before resting my hand on his neck so I could run it through his hair.

"But to answer your earlier question, yes im feeling better. In fact, I have an idea for tonight's practice." That both surprised and excited me.

"Really? What's that?" He chuckled and kissed my forehead.

"You'll have to wait and see." I frowned but he didn't give in, only kissing my lips once before pulling away.

"Why don't you go take that shower, Alice said she needs you for some wedding planning today and if Emmett gets a whiff of you he will never let either of us live it down." I groaned and dropped my forehead to his chest.

"You're never going to let it go are you." I could practically feel his grin when he spoke. To my surprise his hand slid from my hip backward, casually resting on my butt.

"Only until I have something new to think about. " I looked up to find him smirking and my mouth actually fell open at his meaning.

"You're not serious." I was shocked at his omission but thought maybe he was just playing with me.

"Oh I'm serious." He said, leaning in and grazing my nose with his. "Besides, you cannot tell me you didn't think about me when I told you." He one hundred percent had me there and my silence proved it. What he didn't know was that I was unsuccessful where he hadn't been.

"Now go, before I break some more rules." He kissed me and shocked me again, giving my butt a pat before retreating. I unwillingly got up to shower, where I very carefully scrubbed every inch of myself.

I was filled with nerves and excitement as I made my way up to my room that night, after saying goodnight to Charlie. He had given me that suspicious look that told me he would be checking my room before going to bed. I closed my door and turned to face my bedroom. Edward was there already, sitting on my bed and facing me. I couldn't stop myself from walking into his embrace.

"Hey." I said, looping my arms around his neck.

"Hello." He responded, giving me my favorite crooked smile, his hands resting on my back.

"I have a request for you." I raised my brow at his words, wondering what he could possibly want.

"Okay?" One of his hands disappeared behind his back and a moment later he held a small black bag. Really confused now, I only stared at it.

"I did not tell her why, but I asked Alice to do me a favor. I think this might help us move in the right direction…" He sounded slightly unsure, but I trusted him and knowing that Alice already knew a little bit about what this was helped also. So I took the bag, peering into it. It was clothes of some kind, but all I could tell was the color, a deep blue.

"My request is that you were that tonight." I raised my brow in surprise.

"Have you checked what's in here? You know as well as I do the havoc that Alice could wreak with just her clothing choices." That caused a full smile to spread across his face.

"Yes I checked." I had no reason to say no, so accepting the bag I slipped out of my room and into the bathroom.

The first thing I did was take out the bags contents to revel a matching silk sleep set and robe. They were thankfully appropriate if not on the small side, all blue with a lace edging on the top near the chest and the bottom of the shorts. There were no tags, but this didn't surprise me, Alice always washed everything she purchased before dressing me up.

Trying to control my heartbeat I changed out of my clothes and into the pjs. I felt my face heat up, the shorts were…small. The lace edge ended just barely passed my butt and the top was thin with spaghetti straps, the material hugging my body. It was way more form fitting than anything I had ever worn but I told myself to trust Alice, she was usually right. So I brushed my hair and teeth, putting the robe on and securing it before I took my clothes and left the bathroom. I hoped I didn't run into Charlie, robe or not he would question my appearance. Thankfully he was still downstairs, with the tv on baseball. I took a deep breath before opening my door and walking in. He was in the same spot as before, his eyes on me as I moved to my laundry hamper and stuffed my clothes in the overflowing basket. Finally I gathered enough courage to turn and face him. He lifted his hand, beckoning me to come closer, wrapping his arms around my waist once I was close enough.

"What's the purpose of this?" I asked, nodding downward to my clothes. His hands slid around to my front, toying with the tie that held the robe closed.

"Besides you simply looking divine in that color?" I rolled my eyes and ignored the creeping color in my face.

"Yes, besides that." My eyes were glued to his hands.

"There is a purpose, if it is okay with you I thought it might be a good idea to push this a little further…" He spoke softly, his hands still at the tie but his eyes raised to mine.

"I'm okay with whatever you want." I tried to keep my breath steady but this whole thing was testing my limits, images of all the things he could mean running through my mind.

"I want to wait till after the wedding to see you, but I thought this could be a…compromise." I didn't need to ask what he meant, the pjs left little to the imagination.

Finally he tugged gently on the tie, and I felt it slacken from my waist. Both our eyes returned to his hands, watching as he deftly undid the rest of the knot. I felt my patience fray at his slow pace, it wasn't like I was naked under it. Without stopping to consider my actions I shrugged the robe off and it fell to the floor. Curiosity had me glancing up, his eyes were glued to me, trailing down my body, consuming me whole. I felt my heart take off erratically as I watched him take me in, all the way down to my toes and then back up. When his eyes reached mine they were darker than before.

"I don't have words for how incredible you are." He said quietly, his hands coming out and landing on my hips. He tugged me closer until I was in between his legs, my chest close to his. I wanted to feel him everywhere, but I wasn't in charge tonight, he was, so I only stood and waited.

"Come here." How such simple words did such insane things to me I would never know. His cold hand landed on the back of my knee, pulling it up and to the bed. I looped my arms around his neck and followed suit, so I was straddling his lap.

"What exactly our we working on tonight?" I whispered, staring into his eyes. I was almost afraid to ask, worried that he would suddenly remember why he shouldn't do this. To my surprise I felt him shrug and wrap one arm around me, pulling me closer so I was flush to his chest, his other hand rested on my exposed thigh, his thumb stroking my skin.

"Technically, I am trying to acclimate to seeing and feeling more of your body. But really I just wanted to be close to you." I knew exactly how he felt, I also felt the all consuming need to be close to him.

"Okay." I said quietly, there really was nothing else to say.

I didn't wait for him, I couldn't. I leaned in and kissed him, almost surprised at his enthusiastic response. He kissed me back, matching my passion with his own. Slowly his hands explored whatever part of my body he could reach, running over my bare legs and shoulders. He didn't say anything about the obvious signs that my body was giving, even though I was sure he could tell. Eventually I pushed slightly on his shoulders, and he instantly stopped.

"What's wrong?" Besides the heart attack I was sure he would give me one day?

"Nothing I just want to actually make it onto the bed." I said, giving him a small smile.

He grinned and securing me to his chest he used one hand to crawl up onto the bed, leaning back against the pillows. I was still on his thighs, which meant his beautiful face was too far away from me. I pouted before leaning forward, intending to get close enough to kiss him again, but the position in which I sat brought me in contact with something I had only ever felt once before. The next second I was on my back on the mattress, with him above me. It left me disoriented, and oddly disappointed.

"Why did you do that?" I asked, frowning up at him. He was still close, my legs on either side of his body. He leaned in and kissed my neck.

"Do what?" He asked, peppering my neck with small kisses. I knew what he was doing, he was trying to distract me from my question. Gathering all my strength I pushed on his chest till he backed away a couple inches.

"You know what." I narrowed my eyes in challenge.

"I have no idea what you mean my angel." He stroked my cheek with his free hand, his other holding his body away from mine.

"Yes you do. You moved us so I couldn't feel you." His mouth closed then, his lips pursing.

"Why?" I wasn't mad, okay maybe a little annoyed but I was more curios than anything.

"It did not seem…appropriate." I laugh, a short burst of amusement. He raised his brows, a crooked smile forming on his face.

"I don't know if you've realized, but not much of what we're doing is appropriate." He sighed in exasperation.

"Yes I have noticed." I went on though, already on a tangent.

"I'm also not sure if you noticed, but where getting married in a week, and after that were supposed to be going on our honeymoon, which might be a little difficult if you intend to stay appropriate. You know, giving that in order to try it kind of involves us being naked, and me feeling you." I felt my cheeks turn to a dark red but teasing him was too much fun to care about what came out of my mouth. I heard a low snarl come from him and my heart picked up at the sound.

"I know that Bella." He sounded frustrated. I slide my hands to his sides, feeling his cool skin through his shirt.

"Can you take this off?" I asked without thinking, I just wanted to feel his skin on mine. He looked sad for a moment, and I knew I wouldn't win this tonight.

"Not tonight Bella, those pajamas are too thin." I hedged my bets, one way or the other I wasn't done.

"Okay, then I want you to come closer." He smiled and leaned in, pressing a kiss to my cheek.

"That's not what I mean." I tugged on his middle, trying to get him to drop his weight.

"I could hurt you Bella." I rolled my eyes and tugged again.

"If you can't lay on me now how do you expect to do it later?" He eyed me skeptically, the reserve on his expression clear as day.

"I'm not sure I will be able to. That is the whole point." He said, trying to maintain an even composure.

"Well it's a good thing were practicing than." I said, letting my legs wrap around his thighs and tug again. He sighed but relented, gently easing his body so he was closer to me, his chest lightly against mine, but still not close enough. He leaned in to kiss me, but somehow I found the strength to shake my head, his face inches away from mine.

"More. I want to feel all of you Edward."

"I thought this was my night?" He asked, still trying to distract me. He was peppering small kisses down my neck.

"You said you wanted to acclimate to seeing and feeling more of my body." I responded, my hands coming up to grip his biceps, as if I could keep him there with me. He pulled back enough so I could see his perfect inhuman face, his mouth pulling into a reluctant smile.

"I did say that didn't I."

"Yes you did. I'm just trying to follow along with your plan." I said, moving my hands down and onto his sides again, sliding them around his back and resting them just above his butt. He was quite for a moment, his eyes deeply pensive. He slid his left arm up, resting on his elbow now and his free hand grazed my cheek, tilting my face up slightly. He leaned down to kiss me, at the same time lowering his body fully to mine. My heart took off like a butterfly to finally be able to feel him fully, no light brush or accidental touches. This was deliberate, his erection resting lightly against me. I broke away from his lips to breath, aware of how important it was that I not pass out. His lips moved featherlight to my neck, brushing against my pulse point.

"Is this okay?" He asked softly. I nodded quickly, and then made myself speak so he wouldn't second guest himself.

"Yes. You can rest more on me, you're not hurting me." He hesitated for another moment, but eased further into me, resting against me with firm pressure. I was thrilled at this, fighting back a giddy smile. When his face raised to watch mine I lost the fight, a happy grin over taking my face. He smiled back but frowned a moment later.

"What is it?" I asked, wondering how he could be unhappy in this position.

"Nothing really, I just can't do what I wanted to and hold myself up." I raised a brow at him, wondering what it was that he wanted to do. I was reluctant to lose the feel of his body on mine thought.

"Okay." I said, aware that I was pouting slightly. He smirked, and slowly this time, pulled away and turned us so he was on his back once again with me on his lap. I settled against him, his hands coming to rest on my hips. My heart thundered in my chest, so loud that I was amazed the whole town couldn't hear it.

"Let me know if you get too cold." He whispered.

I nodded and leaned down, unable to resist his lips. His hands shifted up and I felt his cold hands through my top. They roamed everywhere, slowly exploring my body, not timidly but languidly. As if he had all the time in the world to discover me. I held myself carefully, not shying away from him but not pressing him any further than he was willing to go. I moaned softly when his hands gently cupped my butt, his long pianist fingers flexed, shifting my hips forward so I was directly over his erection. I made a startled noise at the move but let a quite moan out a second later at the feel. He pulled his lips away from mine and I tangled my hands in his hair in an effort to hold him to me.

"Still okay?" He asked gently. Making sure he hadn't crossed a line that he imagined I had drawn. I laughed gently at his question, trying to imagine him doing something I wouldn't love.

"Yes. More than okay." I reassured him. His hands moved to the bed briefly and he readjusted so he was leaning up against the headboard. Once he was finished his hands returned to resting on my butt.

"You would tell me if I did something you did not like right?" He asked, the worry back in his voice. I kissed him softly before pulling back, looking him in the eye so he could see that I was being honest.

"I would tell you, but i'm almost positive that's there's nothing you could do Edward that I would not like or welcome."

His hands slide up my body, stopping on my waist and gently pushing. I followed his guide, leaning back slightly so there was more room between our upper bodies. The shift of my hips on his had me biting my lip to hold in a moan. He didn't resist, a quite groan coming from his throat. I felt my eyes widen at the first audible sign of his pleasure. He gave me a slightly bashful smile when he noticed my response, and for a moment I had a glimpse of the Edward that was just as shy as I was, just as unfamiliar with this kind of intimacy. I gave him a gentle, knowing smile in return. One hand rested on my cheek, gently pulling my face back to his. His other hand remained on my waist, but slowly moved, following the contours of my body and pausing on my ribs. Unconsciously I stilled, my breath pausing as I waited to see what he would do. His mouth hovered near mine, not kissing but breathing in the same air as I would be.

"May I-"

"Yes." The word rushed out of me, too eager.

I felt his lips curl into a smile but kept my eyes shut. Finally his hand continued up, his touch so light it was almost non existent, as he cupped my breast gently. My breath rushed out in a quite gasp, and he stilled also. I was unsure if it was from being overwhelmed or he was merely taking in another part of me that had previously been unreachable. He thawed only moments later, pulling my mouth to his almost roughly. His hand molded more firmly to me, his thumb brushing back and forth against the sensitive flesh. Even through my thin top the feeling was indescribable, and when he gently ran his thumb over my nipple I moaned into his mouth.

"You have no idea what it does to me to hear you." He whispered, pulling away. His hand left my face and joined the other, cupping both breasts.

"Tell me." I was trying not pant but failing. Between his hands and his body underneath mine I had never been more turned on in my life.

"I never imagined getting to be with you like this. For so long I resigned myself to spending our life together without this type of intimacy. I was…well, not exactly okay with it, but if it meant you safe and whole then I would do it. I was so positive I could not touch you in the ways I had always wanted, to get to do that now feels so surreal." His eyes dropped down to his hands, watching as his fingers slowly explored. They passed over every part, his pressure so light it was like a loving caress. I felt it all, but my attention was riveted on his face. He was so awed, even thought I was still covered, and he wasn't even touching my skin, he was still fascinated. His lips parted slightly, the tip of his tongue darting out to run along his bottom lip, as though he wanted a taste. My eyes closed on a groan, and I felt his hands pause.

"What's wrong love?"

"I think I'm going to combust." I told him honestly. My restraint on my self control was a thin wire at the moment. When I opened my eyes he was smirking at me, his hands still touching me. This was another version of Edward I had yet to discover, this cocky side was enduring, even at my expense.

"It still amazes me that I am good at this. I genuinely was not sure if I could make you feel…good. I am still not certain I will be able to when the time comes." His tone changed slightly, and after a quick glance down his hands left me to wrap around my waist, pulling me and tucking me into his chest. I snuggled deeper into him, pressing my lips against his throat and closing my eyes.

"I'm not sure why you would be worried about that. You've always been good at everything." He chuckled quietly at my words, slowly rubbing my back in a soothing motion.

"I know you think that, but most things come easy to me because of what I am. This? This is a whole different minefield. I have never had any desire or want to be with someone the way I have before you. Ever since I met you and decided I needed you more than I wanted to drink your blood those other wants and desires have surfaced. I pushed a lot of them aside, afraid that to indulge in those fantasies would make having to restrain myself more difficult. It did not lessen my desire for more, but now that I am allowed, my biggest fear was that I would not be able to give you what you desire, not because of what I am but because I did not know how." Though I thought his worry complete insanity I would not say this, I didn't want him to think I wasn't taking his feelings seriously, no matter how ridiculous it sounded to me. I tightened my arms around his neck and hugged him closer to me.

"I understand. I feel like that sometimes to. As much as I wanted for us to be together like that it wasn't only for me, I want to give you the same pleasure you want to give me." I told him honestly, thankful my face was hidden in his neck.

"Oh Bella." He sighed, tightening his arms around me.

"At least you've had years of hearing other people's thoughts, you must know more than me."

"I have always been careful to block out those moments, either because they were my family or for their own privacy. Yes I have overheard certain things, but most of those have been crude or vulgar. Very few of them I would consider worthy enough for your ears or your body." A small part of me wanted to ask what they were, but another part of me acknowledged that he wouldn't tell me and maybe not knowing was better.

"Your telling me in all your years of learning you've never come across some obscured dirty book?" I asked, mostly teasing. He laughed gently and rearranged us, pulling me down onto the bed with him so we were on our sides. He pulled the blanket up around me but stayed under the covers along with me.

"I have certainly read plenty of novels with sex depicted in them, and I have studied medical documents and perfectly know the mechanics, probably better than your own understanding. Reading something and experiencing it are two very different things thought." He ran his fingers through my hair gently, pulling me into a deep contentment.

"Bella you must know, there is nothing you could possibly do that I would not welcome or enjoy." I didn't speak for a moment, afraid to speak my fear out loud, but we had accomplished so much tonight. I truly felt like there was a deeper intimacy that we were just starting to unearth.

"What if I'm bad at it. Like, really bad?" I whispered, again thankful that my face was hidden. He didn't immediately shoot down my worry, which I was thankful for, it meant he was genuinely considering it.

"I do not know a better way to word this so please excuse any insensitivity, but if you think for a single second that I am going to make you do any of the work you're wrong. To be forthright, you do not have to be good at it, that's kind of my job." He pressed a kiss to my forehead. I thought over his words, attempting to process how I felt. He wasn't really wrong per say, and maybe if I was already a vampire it would be different, but there was no way I'd be able to even keep up with him, so I let it go, deciding I wasn't upset.

"And were on even playing field Bella, we are going to be learning all of this together." His tone was reassuring. He was right, for all of the uncertainty he was right along beside me.

"Sleep now, it's very late. I lost track of time." He sounded not all together mad about that fact. I wasn't either. I smiled and curled closer to him before letting myself drift off to sleep.