Chapter 8: In The Cold, Cold Night
Disclaimer: I do not own the Teen Titans, the song 'Undisclosed Desires' byMuse, or the song 'In The Cold, Cold Night' byThe White Stripes.
Previously:
I stared blankly at Cyborg's digital face, unable to process his words.
"Beast boy! Trauma kit! NOW! GO!" Cyborg shouted.
I nodded my head and morphed into a pterodactyl and flew home in record time.
x X x
Undisclosed Desires
Chapter Eight- In The Cold, Cold Night
4 weeks later
Beast Boy POV
Present
Beep. Beep. Whoosh.
Beep. Beep. Whoosh.
This sound encompassed me as I lay on the floor in my room.
Beep. Beep. Whoosh… Beep. Beep. Whoosh.
They filled my ears during the day and scraped against my skin at night. They forced my eyes shut and sent me writhing in my sleep.
Beep. Beep. Whoosh. Beep. Beep. Whoosh.
It was the sound of Raven's heartbeat in the infirmary, and her steady mechanical breath.
Beep. Beep. Whoosh.
Beep. Beep. Whoosh.
No matter how far away I walked, I could still feel it reverberate in my blood.
Beep… Beep… Whoosh.
The sounds drove me insane the first two days. I couldn't sleep, but I couldn't stray too far from her. They comforted me even if they dug their nails into my skin.
The mechanical Whoosh of the breathing machine meant Raven was still alive. The constant and reliable beep beep beep of her heart meant she was still fighting. As long as I heard those sounds, we still had hope.
And we all coped with that hope in separate ways.
Cyborg chilled; devoid from emotion as a robot. His one sole objective was to track down Red X. He'd enlisted Starfire's help, and they both had taken the opportunity to hunt down their target.
But I knew why they never wanted to be at the Tower.
Without Raven's powers healing her as she slept, her skin began to sallow. Her hair lost its vibrancy, and her bruises just seemed to deepen and spread. The others could only see the difference with their own eyes.
I could smell the difference in Raven.
I nearly lost it after the first week, when Cyborg admitted to Robin and me that he couldn't watch Raven die.
Overcome with rage, I'd shifted into a dog, then a rat, and kept shifting and shifting when the abrupt sorrow and earth-shattering pain didn't go away. No matter what animal I chose, each one still felt the same anger and pain as it did when I was human. No dilution, no break from reality.
So, I finally turned to scream at Cyborg, still uselessly shifting in my animal forms, to tell him that he was wrong and a horrible friend. I had turned to scream at him that he had no idea what he was talking about.
But when I had finally turned, shifting into a human, Robin stood engulfed in Raven's black flames.
I growled on my carpeted floor as I recalled this and shifted into a wolf. I tore into my pillow and ripped it to shreds in animalistic fury.
Robin. I could barely think of the name before losing myself to any animal with claws or sharp teeth. But I had to remember.
He had shifted into something as well, something other.
The shadows in the room lengthened as the black flames grew. Black tendrils glided across the walls and ceiling, the air chilled and turned our breath to ice. And Robin smiled, his lips stretched across his face in a malicious grin, so tight I thought I could hear his skin tear. The scent of death and burning flesh assaulted my nostrils.
Cyborg and I froze at the sight of Robin and before either of us could form words, the shadows and flames snapped back into Robin's form as he toppled over to the floor.
Robin came to and begged for forgiveness. His body trembled as he admitted that Raven was dying because of him. She was dying because he had stolen her powers.
I lost it again at the memory and tore into another pillow.
I had to get the anger out of my system before I made my way to Raven's bedside. It was almost sunset, and I needed to be calm.
As much as I wanted to see her, I could never stay by her bedside for long.
Beep. Beep. Whoosh. Beep. Beep. Whoosh.
Because the sound suffocated me.
I shifted into my human form and shoved my communicator to my belt. Cyborg would need me 'at the ready', and hated when I missed his alerts. Even if they were just check ins, he liked to hear Raven's heart still pumping in the background. Even if he could not stomach the sound of it firsthand.
I ran my fingers through my hair, combing through a few times, and set off for the infirmary.
As I approached the metal door, I heard the voices of Jinx and Kidd Flash talking amongst themselves. Jinx's tone clipped and busy.
I shifted into a tiny fly to get closer and rested out of sight, just at the edge of the doorframe to listen.
Jinx POV
"Are you sure you want to stay?" Kidd Flash asked me for the second time.
"We lost our lead, Robin stepped down, and the others are hunting Red X." I replied, my eyes roamed over Raven's bandaged face. "What else can I do?"
Raven slept expressionless in her induced coma, the machines buzzing beside her as they pumped air into her lungs.
"You haven't slept. I can stay with her while you catch up on some rest." Kidd Flash suggested, his hands moving to rest softly on my shoulders.
The doctors said once the swelling went down, they would stop the induced coma. I wondered if that would be soon.
"I got this. You know I don't need a lot of sleep." I reminded him.
Truthfully, I knew why he was trying to pull me away.
The warehouse lead had gone cold, the shipments stopped the day Raven fractured her skull, and all the men delivering the zynothium disappeared. Every one of them.
They even took poor Jerry with them. After the first week went by, I thought he might have packed up his wife and kids and moved to Metropolis overnight. It wasn't until his body was recovered with bright red welts in the shape of X's across his face, that I realized just how stupid I'd been.
"I just think you need to take a break." Kidd Flash squeezed my shoulders. I moved out of his grasp.
"The doctors said it was good to keep moving her limbs, especially her legs." My hands moved to reposition her left leg first, "That way, when she wakes up, her muscles wouldn't deteriorate as bad with diligence."
"Jinx, you need a break."
I moved to look him in the eyes, giving him one measured gaze that shut his persuasion down in an instant.
"Fine. I'll be back in an hour." He sighed reluctantly, glancing at the clock, "Don't say I didn't try. You're encroaching on his time again."
I turned back to exercise Raven's legs again. The measured beeps of Raven's heart filled the silence.
"Robin isn't a monster." I murmured.
"You're the only one who thinks so." Kidd Flash retorted, earning a sigh from me.
"It's fine." I affirmed, "See you in an hour."
Then Kidd Flash was gone.
I continued moving Raven's leg, stretching her calf, and placing her leg back down to begin on her other leg.
Right after her accident, I had been afraid I was being too rough, that one wrong move would injure Raven further. But as each day passed and the others left me to my own devices, I found a type of peace that had not been available since Jerry's wife was given the news her husband was murdered.
I still have not given my condolences to his family. How could I?
Since the news of Jerry, part of me wanted to ensure Kidd Flash stayed within my sight. But another reasoned he could not be contained even if I wanted to. Kidd Flash could take care of himself.
It took some time for me to realize, but it was guilt about the death of my friend, and that I did not protect Jerry at all. Jerry, my new friend, died because of me.
"You don't have to do that so much."
Robin's voice spoke behind me close to the door, interrupting my train of thought as I jumped a little,
"It's only been a week." He continued softly.
I composed myself and wondered how long he had been standing there.
"Actually, it'll be four weeks on the dot later tonight. Remember?" I replied, stretching her calf.
Robin didn't respond right away. I heard his light footsteps come closer to me, and then pause just to the left of me, where Kidd Flash had occupied to rest his hands on my shoulders. But I heard Robin sitting in the chair beside me instead.
"Oh. Right."
"Still no luck with Red X?" I asked him, bending Raven's knee.
Robin paused again before responding, "Nothing. But it's only been a week."
"It's been four weeks tonight, Robin." I corrected him again.
Another pause, "Oh. Right."
I felt him watching me as I bent Raven's knee again and again, stretching her calf and moving her ankle around. Once I completed the rotations, I moved to massage her arms.
Robin's hand stretched out and stopped me.
"Please. Let me." He pulled me aside, gentler than any hands I'd felt, and helped me sit back in the chair he was in a moment ago. The seat prepped with warmth.
My legs gave out before I could get comfortable. And I sighed as my legs burned.
I watched Robin's fingers glide across Raven's right forearm and hand, focusing on her palm and moving up her wrist to her forearm, continuing up to her shoulder. His touch was gentle yet purposeful, as if he were unraveling the knots that had taken root beneath the skin. I couldn't help but marvel at his precision, how he navigated the landscape of her arm with such care, ensuring that no inch was left untouched. It was a display of artistry and compassion, fingers working in unison to ease away the burdens of the day, leaving only tranquility in their wake.
Raven's forearms were as high as I could go without looking directly at her partially bandaged face. Part of her head and cheeks were still bruised, purple and puffy from surgery. Still swollen from the impact of the cement wall she'd collided with.
Being too close to her swollen face did weird things to my body, so I didn't mind letting Robin take over.
Kidd Flash had seen our routine plenty of times. He would watch Robin watch me, as I massaged Raven's legs, and then watch as Robin would stop me to massage her arm. A couple times Kidd Flash tried to insert himself between Robin's grasp and mine, a mistake he regretted at once. Even I flinched at the hate-filled, seething response Robin growled at him.
He just didn't look human to me. His eyes glowed crimson under his mask, his cheeks turned sallow and pale white. Robin had looked so unnatural and dead, like a glowing corpse shrieking at Kidd Flash to get off his grave site.
I had to shove Kidd Flash out of the room with my powers and I walked out calmly after him. Only Kidd Flash didn't hear Robin's quiet sobs to himself, sobs coated with torment.
Hearing Robin's muffled gasps and the mutterings to himself, made me realize he'd put himself in his own prison. He'd locked the door and chucked the key out the damn window. It was bad enough Robin had somehow stolen Raven's powers that she couldn't heal herself, and it was even worse that there was no easy fix to give them back.
I'm bad luck. I'd once thought that labeled me forever, until Kidd Flash helped me see otherwise. But nothing compared to the bad luck that seemed to emanate from within Robin, and it affected Raven the most.
I understood his self-blame. The hatred. I think that was the reason why Robin let me stay around him.
Raven's powers gave Robin a strong insight, I could tell the way he reacted visibly from my thoughts or others'. Even worse since he could potentially hear how everyone else blamed him for Raven's injuries. No one had to say it.
But Robin hadn't known Red X had created new gear and gadgets. Robin couldn't have known how they would render him and Raven both paralyzed. He couldn't have foreseen Raven's powers shooting out of him in a fit of blind rage in the heat of battle.
The security footage at the warehouse next door to their location proved Robin had targeted Red X. But Red X teleported at the last moment, and he'd knocked Robin's hand to the side just as it shot out a beam of black energy.
Robin couldn't have foreseen Raven to be paralyzed as the beam hit her, catapulting her backwards straight into the cement wall that split open her skull.
Raven's left hand had been her only defense. Her hand lifted to try and stop the energy blast redirected by Red X. Her hand protected her face from a direct impact but splintered the delicate bones in her fingers.
The doctors originally wanted to amputate, but Cyborg talked them into trying a different approach with his experimental nanotech he developed. Tech he developed from his own blueprints. The procedure resulted in pins to set her fingers as straight as possible and the nanotech would work to heal her bones, but there was no telling how well her bones would heal.
Just like I hadn't known how dangerous Red X could be, Robin hadn't known how powerful he'd become. Or that Red X wasn't opposed to murder these days.
It was not Robin's fault. And I believed that to my core.
"You're the only one who thinks so." Robin muttered to me as he focused on Raven's other arm, keeping the cast on that hand level.
"Reading my mind? That's not polite." I chastised him, none of the censure in my tone.
"Wallace is right. I'm a monster." Robin murmured.
I didn't respond. I wasn't sure if his comment was directed towards me.
Robin had moments of coming in and out of reality. He'd be talking and then he'd suddenly start a conversation with himself, staring hard into his reflection. Sometimes he would get extremely violent and then walk away to another part of the tower. The others would let him be, they'd given up trying to offer their help.
I saw that whatever was going on with Robin was getting worse. He was getting stronger, and I'd heard Cyborg talk with Kidd Flash that they might ask the Justice League to try and help him. With Raven's powers, Kidd Flash said they'd probably have to run tests on Robin, and at the very worst, hold him indefinitely if Raven didn't recover.
I had stepped out of the hallway I had been eavesdropping and resolutely told them both, "Raven is going to recover."
Cyborg kept silent, and Kidd Flash had acquiesced to me with his face bowed to the floor before I stalked off to Raven's room to rummage through her texts.
"Who cares what Wally thinks." I murmured now back to Robin, copying his tone as the memory of Kidd Flash's expression flashed through my mind. Kidd flash's expression had been a mixture of doubtful reassurance, my anger spiked for a moment and dissipated.
"Why are you being so nice to me?" Robin asked abruptly, his head turning slightly over his shoulder to eye me.
"I'm bad luck, remember?" I smiled.
To anyone else, they'd probably start to deflect, saying it couldn't have possibly been my fault. My powers only reached so far, and I wasn't anywhere near where they'd been. Right? But Robin knew.
I knew he could hear how often I forget that I didn't understand the full extent of my powers. How do I always manage to enter a room at the wrong time? Or why it is when someone would meet me and then a day later, they'd lose something precious to them?
With Raven's powers stolen from her, my powers could have infiltrated the one person that managed to defend themselves from them. And bad luck could have followed her ten-fold, and attacked the minute her protection was taken from her. It had to be my fault to some degree, right?
Plus, having bad luck as powers, I'd become numb to the damage or harm they could potentially cause someone. If Robin was a monster, my power made me one too. Good was never an option for me.
"That's a possibility, but it wasn't your fault." Robin easily dismissed, returning to massage Raven's arm again.
I steeled myself.
I focused my mind and my energy, before defiantly challenging with glowing eyes, "Then whose was it?"
Robin stopped cold in his motion as my powers flashed around him for an instant.
I watched as his head jerked unnaturally, his arms dropping to his sides and his shoulders tensing up before dropping.
The bright white lights dimmed above us. The shadows around the white linoleum room darkened, stretching across from the corners of the infirmary and turning shadows midnight black.
Robin turned around to face me, but it wasn't Robin looking back at me.
This thing smiled with a horrifying grin, the sight of it sent a sharp chill down my body. I could smell burning flesh in the room as the temperature dropped, I could see my breath as it quickened. I kept my face smooth as the thing inside Robin scanned my features.
"You ask a lot of questions." His voice growled, and his grin widened to the edges of his cheeks, "For a jinx."
"Thank you." I retorted, "So, what are you?"
"A gift." He growled with a shrug, "wouldn't you say?"
"Well, honestly? No."
His grin stretched again, "Poor Raven might agree with you." He paused, "Your friend agrees too."
"Poor Raven could use someone to heal her." I suggested, ignoring it's response, "That should be you, considering you came from her."
The entity's smile tightened in a way that made it appear angrier and menacing than I was prepared for. I kept my eyes glued to theirs and said nothing more. Robin's tight grin relaxed, and his arms folded behind his back.
"I didn't come from Raven." It said, appearing genuine. As genuine as an inhuman grinning psycho could sound.
"But you could heal her." I pressed, my eyes glowing brighter.
"That's up to him." The menacing grin returned and then it continued, "But you knew that didn't you?" It's grin returning in full force, wider than before. His neck angled unnaturally, and he began to laugh deep in his throat, erupting goose bumps on my forearms.
I closed my glowing eyes, and managed to take a deep, slow breath.
When I opened my eyes again my powers receded back inside me. I watched the shadows creep back inside Robin, and the lights brightened to their normal intensity.
Robin gasped and stumbled a few steps back. His face dripping in sweat as he trembled.
"I really wish you'd stop doing that." Robin shivered as he caught his breath, "your powers don't mesh well with Raven's."
"I'm so close to getting a real answer." I urged, "Just a couple more sessions and I know he'll reveal something."
"Jinx. Please stop. Next time I might not come back."
Robin wiped his face with his sleeve, I recognized the sleeve from the last two days. He wasn't even changing his clothes anymore. His eyes connected with mine as I finished my mental observation.
I knew Robin could hear my thoughts. I knew that he could feel how obnoxious it was to me, to have my thoughts answered or repeated. But he didn't like it when my thoughts and observations proved to him how much he was falling apart. An unspoken agreement: he knew it, and neither of us said anything.
Robin looked away and continued to wipe his face again.
"He said you were the one who could heal her."
"I've tried." Robin sighed, his tone exhausted.
I let my mind roam over the conversation with the entity. How the lights dimmed, and the dead smell that took over the chemicals in the infirmary. The feeling of a chill in the air and the creepy, unnatural grin that would stretch across Robin's face.
I ignored Robin's visible wince.
I thought about what it had said to me. How through that creepy smile, there were moments that I felt it was being honest in its responses.
"Do you really trust me?" Robin asked, his expression softening under the sheen of sweat.
"I trust you." I clarified, "Not so much the other guy. But we don't have a lot of options."
Robin sighed, rubbing his face again.
"We don't have to do another session today." I rubbed my legs as I spoke, "Using my powers to bring him forward is… unpredictable. And frankly…"
"-He's terrifying." Robin finished for me. I rolled my eyes.
"That's not polite." I chastised again.
"Ok." Robin suddenly said, his focus elsewhere. I blinked.
"Okay." I repeated calmly, disguising my confusion.
The inflection of his voice made it sound like someone was standing right next to him, just to his right. The sheen of sweat on his skin turned misty, and the color of his skin whitened for the briefest of moments. What was happening to him?
"Tomorrow night. We'll do a session, and I won't hold back." Robin answered, his focus returned to me.
I didn't know what to say.
Then Robin walked out of the infirmary without another word.
I tried to remember the last time that something really scared me. The kind of fear that sent ripples of anxiety through my stomach and sent bile up to my throat. Or the kind that left me frozen and speechless, gawking at whatever captivated my attention.
I thought it might be the Brotherhood of Evil at one point, or even Slade.
While both did frighten me once, they were nothing compared to the type of creeping, nausea inducing waves that emanated from Robin. It was like watching a man slowly burn on a fire pit and never losing consciousness. I wanted nothing more but to look away. Running wouldn't matter, because nothing could help escape his screams. Nothing could help me get away, because eventually, he would follow.
This was Robin's burning curse, to be flayed alive for eternity until one day, he let the fire take over. Once that fire grabbed onto his soul, it would hunger for another. Repeating the cycle until one day, there was nothing in the world left to burn.
At least, that's the way I saw it.
Kidd Flash saw Robin differently and could never understand my macabre perspective. Magic to him never seemed real until I used mine on him.
Kidd Flash brightened my world, shining the light on the damp and dreary. That's one of the things I liked about Kidd Flash. But it was the one thing that I hated about him right now.
"Wait- what are you looking for?"
I had ransacked Raven's room for anything that could lend me some extra control for the session with Robin. I'd made somewhat of a mess trying to speed read some of her ancient texts, when I had the unfortunate idea to ask Kidd Flash to find what I needed. That's when the questions shifted.
"For what-? No, I heard you, I just can't believe it! Are you crazy-?! Are you trying to die?"
I could have punched him.
We'd been going back and forth when I let slip the type of spell I needed. It was a containment spell of some sort that helped cleanse a spirit or vessel, in other words, it helped contain negative energy. Kidd Flash blinked out of the room with 1 book blurring under his arm and feigned that he had no idea what I was talking about, as if his hair didn't look windblown.
I nearly blasted him with a surge of energy. But I thought of a better idea.
I closed my eyes, felt my energy well in my stomach and let it waft over my body, surging in waves faster than Kidd Flash could blink. Wherever the book had been hidden by him, my powers managed to find it and it shot out of its hiding place and then thudded to the ground in another room down the hall.
"Ow! What the - who's throwing books!" Beast boy exclaimed down the hall.
I grinned and took one step toward the door, keeping my powers focused on Kidd Flash, hoping he wouldn't make any rash decisions.
The idiot usually believed my powers were slower than his, and they often were when projected, but not when I let it coat the environment around me.
He never took me seriously, and I watched as he took off toward the hall, blurring in his movement.
Before he had managed to blur forward out of the room, before he had even taken a proper step, he smacked his foot straight into raven's dresser that had tipped just slightly and unfortunately in his way without his realizing.
The speed Kidd Flash had managed to gain in that one half step, launched him forward in the air, in a way that worried me. But he managed to catch himself with one hand extended to the floor and slipped on the carpet as he landed on his feet. His face smacking loudly against the floor, his body went motionless as I rushed to him, grumbling to him under my breath.
"This is why you don't hide things from me, stupid." I muttered, turning him over as his eyes blinked wildly for a moment.
"How are you always able to do that?" He muttered back to me, his eyes refocusing.
"It's not my fault you keep underestimating bad luck." I shot back at him, "you could have really hurt yourself."
"Why are you so bent on helping him?"
My hands froze on the sides of his face, his dazed eyes fluttered as they scanned my expression, and I sighed. I brushed his hair back and began to lightly massage the red welt beginning to form on his left temple. He flinched, but looked into my eyes again, the daze in his eyes clearing.
"You wouldn't understand." I murmured and kissed the red welt.
"You won't even try to explain?"
"I got this. Have a little faith."
Kidd Flash sighed, and his fingers lifted to touch my cheek. He and I both knew if he really wanted to stop me, he could. But his selflessness was one of the things I loved about him the most. Being with me meant potential, unknowable harm, and he trusted me.
"If you get hurt…" He began, but trailed off as his eyes closed briefly, his lashes fluttering for a moment.
"I'll call you before anything bad happens." I reassured him as I stroked his hair.
"Call me?" His eyes snapped open, and they momentarily drifted before finding my eyes again.
"Isn't that what you want?" I asked him, worried for a moment he might be concussed.
"What can I do against magic?" His eyes rounded in childish fright, and then an eyebrow rose, "You're on your own at that point."
"Good to know you got my back." I chuckled in response.
"I never promised that." He grinned, earning an eyeroll from me.
The light had grown dark outside when I finally gathered the ingredients exactly as Raven's book instructed. Thankfully, they were simple. But even the simplest of ingredients were hard to come by. Sage and salt were easy to find. But essence of water? Desecrated sand?
Sand was easy enough. But how do you desecrate sand?
"Have you tried spitting on it?" Was Kidd Flash's illuminating comment to me when I'd read the ingredients.
I'd managed to poke around enough in Raven's room, she had everything I needed in a trunk: sage, salt, essence of water, and already desecrated sand… whatever that meant.
Except one minor detail that I couldn't quite understand. The book had mentioned the wielder must be in a state of purity.
This was a cleansing ritual, so it made sense. But honestly, what in the seven circles of hell did that mean? How would someone be in a state of purity?
Kidd Flash was no help, at first.
He'd shrugged at me with those wild blue eyes in childlike fright and disappeared right in front of me. He'd been there one second shrugging and then the next, he was a blur of red and yellow out the door.
I rolled my eyes and muttered to myself as I turned the page of Raven's spell book, a handwritten note detailed: "purified state ritual."
Raven had written a fully planned check list of instructions on how to achieve a state of purity, with ingredients and steps along with the correct incantation.
Kidd Flash buzzed in the moment I finished putting the purified ritual ingredients in a bag, and he'd set down an opened book on the exact steps and near perfect incantation that Raven had written down on her note, smiling proudly.
"I ran across town to visit every apothecary I could find, and I also searched every dark and musty-smelling library that had books on witchcraft spells. And I found it!" He beamed.
I didn't have the heart to tell him I found it already, so I thanked him and placed a peck on his lips.
It was almost time; the sun had fallen. Raven's book had mentioned beginning at dawn, when the sun was barely peeking above the horizon, giving its last parting farewell before the moon took over.
Ok, that wasn't true. I figured we only had so much time and if I was so pure after the ritual, then the light could keep out Robin's darkness. We needed the darkness to come out willingly and with the sunshine hidden, maybe it would make things easier. It made sense to me, at least.
"Are you really sure about this?"
I sighed for the hundredth time.
"Because I'm not sure about this." Kidd Flash cringed as he said this.
He trailed behind me the entire way to the hospital wing, holding the purity ingredients like his life depended on it.
"If it helps, I can be sure enough for the both of us." I smiled with a crease between my brows, trying to pry the bag of ingredients out of his hands.
"What happens if it goes wrong?" His eyes going wild again, his grip tightened on the bag.
I paused, letting my fingers linger on his as I focused on his eyes.
"Look, I get it that you're scared. But to do this correctly, that bag of purity is what's going to save me. Okay?" I tugged lightly on the bag but didn't apply force. Kidd Flash's wild eyes stayed on mine.
"Why are you so calm?" He breathed in a short frantic tone.
"Robin doesn't scare me." I widened my eyes as I said this, again lightly tugging on the bag. The steady beep of Raven's heart beat the second loudest thing other than Kidd Flash's deep, uneven breath.
"I think you should be scared." Kidd Flash murmured, his eyes calming for a moment, "And I'm scared that you're not scared."
"I think you're forgetting I'm bad luck." I retorted, unable to keep the irritation out of my tone, "I'm used to things going wrong."
"So why aren't you scared?!" Kidd Flash barked out in disbelief.
The pure hysteria in his tone might have made me laugh, but time was ticking. Robin would be here any moment, and I didn't have time to reassure Kidd Flash.
The truth was, I didn't know what would happen. I didn't know if things would be ok, and I didn't know if something would go horribly wrong. But what if something went horribly right?
My career as a Titan had been mediocre up until this point. There were only so many burglars to rough up and old compadre's of mine to throw in an armed van in handcuffs. Only so many times I could look the same villains in the eye and feel like I was only playing hero. When was I going to feel like a hero?
"I'm sorry Wally."
I kissed him hard and suddenly then. Even with all the speed in the world, he hadn't expected me to press my lips against his in an act of abrupt passion.
He closed his eyes in his frozen state, surprised but willing, and my powers shot out from within me the moment his lids closed.
I gripped the bag of ingredients in his hands as a sharp crack shot across the solid concrete ceiling of the infirmary. A near perfect circle, the size of a soccer ball fell right above Kidd Flash and grazed hard against the back of his head, knocking him out cold.
He fell forward as minor debris cascaded around him, and I caught him in my arms.
Shame was a common feeling as a petty criminal, and I allowed the feeling to bounce off my chest as I dragged Kidd Flash's limp body over to the nearby hospital bed.
He wasn't injured severely but he'd suffered too many contusions since we'd partnered. I worried when it would be one too many.
Sleep and fatigue were his only weaknesses and there wasn't any other alternative. He wouldn't have allowed me to go through this ritual. At least this way if things went bad, he would be safe.
I hooked him up to the computers to ensure he was being monitored and refocused on the bag of ingredients in my hand.
I set up the circle, sprayed myself with the water concoction and said the incantations as I sat cross-legged in the circle. I had to feel centered and cast away any doubts. If this was to work, I needed to ensure I was strong enough to handle the darkest of shadows.
I heard Robin's light steps as I meditated on the floor in my circle. The incantations had rolled off my tongue so easily and my head felt light and almost frothy when I noticed him enter.
He looked like a blurry photograph with a dark smudge on his face. Why couldn't I see his face?
"Are you ready?" He asked, his voice sounding oddly muffled.
"I think so. How about you?"
"You seem different." He noted, ignoring my question.
"How so?"
"I'm not sure." He paused, his voice sounding like my ears were submerged in water, "It kind of hurts to look at you."
I grinned, "Excellent. My preparations have been successful it seems."
Robin motioned to step forward.
"Stop!" I warned him. He froze in place.
"Try not to break the circle." I motioned to the circle of salt and desecrated sand around me.
"What will happen if I do?" He moved around the circle, closer to Raven's bed, careful not to disturb the salt barrier or Raven.
"Don't know." I quipped, and then took a slow breath, "But Raven's book instructed us to not touch the desecrated sand, or the salt. Frankly, I'm more worried about the sand than the salt."
"Why is that?" He asked in muffled curiosity. I met his blurry gaze.
"What made it desecrated?" I countered, not expecting an answer, "I'm sure I don't want to know."
He chuckled once and then took another step back from the circle.
"Anyway," I continued, "the book says once I'm in a pure state, I can do a cleansing ritual that should protect the vessel."
"I'm guessing I'm the vessel?"
"Technically, we all are." I reasoned, "but yes. That's the general idea I had."
He didn't reply, his blurred face appearing deep in thought.
"At least, it made sense to me." I muttered to myself as an afterthought.
"It makes sense." Robin agreed, though his tone didn't sound confident, "I'm just not sure what will happen. Are you prepared for things to go wrong?"
"Never." I answered at once, "I'm bad luck. Remember?"
"I suppose that is what bad luck is." Robin's blurry face grimaced slightly, "Ok. Worst case scenario. I kill everyone, right?"
"Don't be so dramatic, Bird Brain." I quipped, and smiled through a grimace, "The worst-case scenario, already happened."
His shoulders tightened but ultimately, he acquiesced to the fact that what I stated was true.
The proof laid silently next to him, with a mechanical breath and a digital heartbeat. A second heartbeat in the distance, captured his attention as his head whipped to Kidd Flash groaning in his unconsciousness. I felt the guilt instantly, and hoped this stupid spell worked enough to allow Robin to heal not only Raven, but Kidd Flash as well.
Robin's blurry face glanced at Kidd Flash on the adjacent hospital bed, and then to me.
I wasn't sure what he saw. Maybe where I saw shadows, he saw a bright ray of white light shining into his darkened eyes. I thought he might be squinting, or maybe frowning, when I let my mind focus on the last look Kidd Flash gave me. That wild eyed panic, gripping tighter onto the bag in his hands.
I lingered on the feeling of shame I had, and how easy it was to dismiss it and bury it deep in the back of my throat before swallowing it whole. Kidd Flash would forgive me, when no one else would, and if this would bring Raven back to the world, it had to be done.
Whatever Robin managed to see, whether on my face in the circle of purity, or in my mind if he could see, was enough for him as he took a deep breath and squared his shoulders towards me.
"Let's get started."
Beast Boy POV
I hadn't exactly thought anything through as I eavesdropped on Jinx and Robin's ritual.
The plan I devised was to hide in plain sight, creeping on walls in the form of an insect so small nobody would notice me watching.
In my fly form, I was able to think rationally in black and white terms, process the information they traded between one another with no emotional entanglements.
The dull ache from Raven's steady heart beats didn't punch as hard in my insect forms. But only an echo of future pain to come, even in my fly form, I knew this time would take its toll.
I registered that Jinx had decided she was prepared enough to take on Robin. But take on, how?
What exactly was she planning to do once the incantations and rituals were completed? Even my insect form couldn't piece it together.
I shifted to a spider and used its shape to reserve my energy. Spiders didn't sleep the same way other creatures needed to, and I used the idle to keep a watchful eye while I curled my legs inward and settled in my corner.
I watched with a portion of my sight as Jinx and Kidd Flash milled about the room. I became alert when the ceiling shook and a single piece of concrete landed on Kidd Flash's head. I recognized the stir of emotions but hadn't quite connected the events.
My spider body only noticed the increase in energy and the vibrations in the air, the heat and sweat Kidd Flash gave off before falling silent and unconscious. Jinx's expression never wavered. She carefully pulled him into an embrace and laid him down on the vacant hospital bed nearby and set to work.
Her motions, though awkward, appeared confident as she sprayed her face and hands with some sort of liquid. Then rubbed her hands together and rubbed the liquid onto the back of her neck and patted down her body to her feet. Then carefully holding two vials in one hand, she spun on her knee in a circle, laying down a solid layer of both the vials and their contents in a perfect circle around her. Once the vials were emptied, she tossed them back into a lumpy bag next to her and began to hum to herself as she sat cross legged on the ground.
I couldn't make out the words she spoke, only that they rang together like a song. The tones sounded sweet and hymnal, with an edge. An edge of wariness and amusement.
Though her expression hadn't twitched once, the corner of her lip quivered, and her brow wiggled in a way that made it appear she was one chuckle away from bursting out into a laughing fit. Her pink hair wobbled with her body, not giving in to the giggle fit, and continued to chant lightly to herself.
Again, my spider body went alert. It sensed something razor thin brewing around the circle, like a white glowing web began to weave its way around Jinx, moving around the circle and gaining height.
It made the air buzz, and the tiny hairs on my spider legs shot outward, sensing the glowing web and wanting to move closer to touch.
But the glow seceded as it reached the ceiling, and formed a thick barrier around Jinx, encasing her into the circle. Her breath light and gentle, the muscles in her face relaxing.
My body relaxed too, settling into my corner feeling my thoughts slow.
Spiders never slept, but they did fall into a sort of sleep. Kind of how Raven meditated. They entered an idle, and that feeling swirled through my spider limbs and consciousness before I realized what had happened.
My eight eyes observed the room and noticed when Robin entered, but I couldn't bring myself out of my idle. I felt too relaxed, too numb to conjure the same fierce emotions that my human body would feel.
Whatever had stirred around the room after Jinx settled into her meditation, had affected my spider body as well. Alert but frozen, unable to shake the idle state away.
"Let's get started." Robin said, and he rested his hand on Raven's closest to him.
The feeling of wanting to shift, but unable to will it, felt equivalent to wanting to turn in a moment of restlessness in bed, but also being too comfortable to want to move. All I could do was watch.
Jinx nodded once, rummaged quickly into her lumpy bag next to her and sprayed Robin in the face before he could react.
His eyes shut in surprise, and he motioned to wipe his face, but his hand had twitched in its place at its side. He did not move, with his other hand resting on Raven's, his body began to vibrate.
"Relax Robin. This was the safest way to do this without harming you, or anyone else." Jinx murmured softly, "This is a purity spell and I can't believe it worked."
Robin's throat strained and his veins protruded from his neck. The white webbing that encircled Jinx had begun weaving its way to where Robin stood, up his body, and melding into his skin and coating his hair. The further it covered him, the more he vibrated.
"If it can't cleanse you, it'll keep you immobile while I start." Jinx continued, and her eyes began to glow neon pink. Her hands enveloped in the same pink energy. She stepped forward once, still inside the original circle and paused just before reaching the edge of the desecrated sand.
Jinx took a deep breath, and stepped forward towards Robin again, reaching out of the circle and grabbing his face.
"Pura safî rein puro suiwer təmiz hutsa, hreint safi ren pur madio umsula pure!" Jinx paused, inhaling deep from her nose and continuing louder, "Pura safî rein puro suiwer təmiz hutsa, hreint safi ren pur madio umsula pure!"
Robin's eyes snapped open, and white began to glow underneath his mask, but Jinx did not stop, "Pura safî rein puro suiwer təmiz hutsa, hreint safi ren pur madio umsula PURE!"
"Stop." Robin murmured firmly but remained still.
"I can't," Jinx responded in a sing-song tone, before continuing, "Pura safî rein puro suiwer təmiz hutsa, hreint safi ren pur madio umsula PURE!"
With the last word shouted, Jinx grabbed the bottle of liquid she had sprayed herself with, uncapped it, and splashed the liquid into Robin's frozen face.
My spider body stirred as Robin's face contorted into a vicious, animalistic grimace, and shrieked.
The sound sent a shrill through my spider body and vibrated the hairs on my legs. My body caved inward as my eyes absorbed Robin's movements with alarm.
The air trembled with an anguished symphony as Robin's primal scream pierced the stillness. It was a raw and guttural sound that seemed to tear through the fabric of purity coating him. As his voice rose in pitch and intensity, a surreal transformation unfolded before the startled Jinx.
From the depths of his torment, a macabre metamorphosis took place. Robin's visage contorted in agony, his features contending with unseen horrors. And then, as if the very essence of his anguish had materialized, a phantom shadow appeared from his tortured countenance. It materialized slowly, like a gossamer veil lifting from his face, but there was nothing ethereal or benign about this apparition.
This translucent silhouette bore an uncanny resemblance to the man himself, yet its presence felt distinctly alien, an embodiment of the darkness that ravaged his soul. Its form twisted and writhed, mirroring Robin's anguish with an unsettling fidelity. Each tortured screech that escaped the man's lips reverberated through the atmosphere, finding its eerie counterpart in the tortured wails emitted by the phantom shadow.
The interplay between the man and his spectral doppelgänger created an otherworldly spectacle, a macabre dance of pain and torment. Their collective cries melded together, intertwining and harmonizing in a dissonant chorus that sent shivers down the spines of all who witnessed it. It was as if their anguished voices were locked in a perpetual battle, each one amplifying the torment of the other, trapped in a nightmarish cycle.
In this unholy union of man and shadow, the boundaries between the physical and the metaphysical blurred. Robin's cries seemed to take tangible form, manifesting as ethereal tendrils that entwined with the phantom's silhouette. The air crackled with an electric charge, carrying the weight of their shared anguish.
"WHAT DO YOU WANT?!" The shadow bellowed. The walls of the room seemed to quiver, as if trembling beneath the weight of the shadow's furious demand.
Jinx, frozen in her place since the phantom manifested, stirred and shook her head clear.
"Heal Raven!" Jinx shouted back, her eyes glowing bright fuchsia.
With a visceral intensity, the shadow began to swell, its ephemeral form expanding and contorting as if fueled by an unquenchable rage. The very foundations of the room trembled, causing furniture to rattle and delicate cables and wires to dance in a macabre display. Medical books cascaded from shelves, their pages flapping wildly as if possessed by an unseen force.
The roiling anger emanating from the shadow grew into a furious roar, an onslaught of sound that threatened to shatter eardrums and pierce through the sanity of all those present as Jinx slapped her hands over her ears. The air grew thick with palpable tension, each pulse of the shadow's wrath reverberating through the room like a tempest unleashed.
As the room continued to quake under the weight of the shadow's fury, cracks appeared along the walls, spiderwebbing across the once pristine surface. Light fixtures swung precariously, casting erratic shadows that seemed to writhe in fear alongside Jinx. The very floor beneath her feet groaned, as if struggling to bear the immense wrath being unleashed.
In this tumultuous symphony of chaos, Robin stood frozen, his white glowing eyes wide with a mixture of terror and fascination. The shadow's anger had consumed him, but it was also a reflection of the turbulent emotions he had long suppressed. It was a confrontation with the darkest recesses of his own soul, a reckoning that could no longer be avoided.
"Jinx… stop…" Robin choked out, his head turning slightly to look back at Raven.
The shadow roared again; the room began to shake causing the machines hooked up to Raven to vibrate violently. Their displays flickering.
Streams of tears poured out of Robin's glowing eyes; his body frozen as the shadow began to writhe.
Jinx stood firm, "I said HEAL RAVEN!"
"VIS IN HOC VASE!" The shadow screeched, the window splintering into shards from the shrill. A large crack shot across Raven's monitors.
"He can't!" Kidd Flash shouted from his hospital bed, startling Jinx as she nearly lost her balance. Her foot stopped at the border of the desecrated sand circle. Her hair swayed as the room began to tremble again.
"He has to!" Jinx shouted back, reaching her hand out in front of her, her hand glowing pink, "This is our only chance!"
Her powers flashed between Robin and the shadow; a vivid fuchsia line formed. Slicing the shadow from Robin's body.
Robin screeched in agony the moment the pink divide formed, the glow in his eyes dimming.
Kidd Flash tried jumping to his feet and swayed as he fell over back onto the bed, his eyes swimming as he blinked to find his equilibrium.
The monitors began to vibrate so violently, the wheels disconnected from the bottom of the structure. The cracks in the screens deepened and the breathing machine stuttered as Raven jerked in her coma.
Robin's screams echoed through the room, reverberating and sending waves of panic through my spider body. I felt the life force of Robin begin to fade, the darkness taking over. He was losing this battle.
I shoved all the anger, pain, sadness, fear, rage, all of it into the forefront of my mind. Willing my spider legs to spread out and form into hands and legs, stretching and forcing my back to arch until something snapped. My legs shot out and where thin spindly legs were, my hands and legs with human feet formed, and I fell.
With a hard smack, I landed on the vibrating floor and scrambled to my hands and feet.
"Jinx you're killing him! Stop!" I shouted, fighting to stand upright.
I motioned to run to Jinx and felt my right shoelace catch onto a sharp jagged end on the cracked floor, toppling to the floor again with another smack.
"Beast boy?" Jinx turned and I met her wide glowing eyes.
"Let Robin go! Raven can't breathe!"
Jinx's eyes shot to Raven, her hands dropping to her sides. The pink divider lifted from Robin's body.
Tears streaming down Robin's face, he gasped a deep breath, and turned to touch Raven's hand resting beside her.
As Robin's screams finally subsided, a palpable silence descended upon the scene, leaving only the fading echo of their harrowing chorus and a low rumble throughout the room.
"Break-" Robin gasped, "the-" his eyes reeling, "circle-"
His last gasp sent a glow around his hand that gripped Raven's hand.
Jinx's eyes glowed again; her powers focused on the floor.
The desiccated sand shot out from around her, breaking from its circle and blasting up into the air. The sand coated the room, hitting the walls with a light hiss, like water droplets colliding on concrete.
The shadow, having fulfilled its haunting purpose, retreated into the depths of Robin's tormented soul, its ethereal presence vanishing like a specter swallowed by the night.
Kidd Flash and Jinx, shaken to their core, their faces blank with shock. We all took a collective breath together and slumped to the floor where we all stood.
We could not easily forget the ghastly sight we had witnessed. The image of Robin and his chilling shadow would forever be etched in our minds, a chilling testament to the harrowing depths of human suffering and the eerie dance between light and darkness that exists within us all.
As abruptly as it had begun, the tempest of anger subsided.
The room gradually stilled, the tremors fading into an uneasy calm. The phantom shadow receded, shrinking back into its dormant state within Robin's tormented psyche as he dropped to the floor beside Raven's bedside.
Still gripping Raven's hand, Robin stirred to life again. His head lifted first, then his shoulders and arms. They sagged with unforeseen weight, but he was breathing, and so was Raven.
My skin buzzed.
My nostrils flared as a new scent filled the still air that sang to me.
It would be indiscernible to anyone else. But I could smell fresh life pulsing from Raven.
"It worked." Robin gasped out, before he slumped to the floor, his hand still reaching towards Raven.
Raven POV
I floated in darkness and not the normal kind of darkness.
The kind of darkness where your mind awakens, as if you'd lost it in the void and it somehow found its way back to you.
I didn't have my body in this void, I only existed.
I knew this wasn't a true state of consciousness. I floated in the bridge between my body and where my mind just escaped from.
But I wasn't scared. It was hard to feel anything floating in nothingness.
The last image in my mind imprinted with flashing bright lights and a viscous red coating my vision. That was my last memory before waking in this dark void.
So, I drifted, allowing my mind to quiet, sifting through the last memories I'd had before the void took over.
"It worked." A voice spoke through the darkness. Robin.
A single flicker of light ignited, like a candle flame dancing to life in the distance from where the voice spoke.
I willed myself to the light, feeling my arms first and my hands form from the darkness. They appeared before as I got closer to the flame, and I could see where it led.
So, I took my first breath and stepped into the candle flame.
x X x
AN: At this point, life is forcing me to update when it happens.