-Chapter 42-
The Princess and the Plumber
All across the Mushroom World, word had quickly spread about the chaos in Sarasaland. People were glued to screens as a news station reported on it.
"Metro News: where the news comes last and the weather comes later!"
At a table, a man in a black suit and tie with a red undershirt straightened out papers before turning to face the camera. His co-anchor, a man in a similar suit with a white undershirt, sat next to him.
"Hello, and welcome to the Metro News in New Donk City, I'm your anchor, Michael Richardson."
"And I'm your co-anchor, Jose Canyousee. but you can call me Mark."
"Let's go to the weather with Tim."
"It's a very hot day, and I think we can expect snow later," said Tim, the weatherman.
"...Thank you, Tim," Michael deadpanned. "Now then, chaos reigns in Sarasaland, a quaint alliance of kingdoms, as reports have come in that the various kings have apparently gone nuts."
"Our inside sources have attributed this to some kind of inside coup against the ruling monarch, Princess Daisy," Mark added.
"Let's go live to our on-site man, Dan, with an exclusive on the situation. Dan?"
At Sarasaland, a reporter with glasses stood with his microphone ready, a Lakitu filming him with a camera on a fishing pole.
"Dan here, reporting live from the main meeting hall of Sarasaland. The monarchs have returned to their own kingdoms, and unconfirmed reports abound that the Mario Bros. have been spotted on the scene. Witness reports have them fleeing the scene with the Princess, alongside her sister Peach and infamous Ectologist, Professor Elvin Gadd. Their current whereabouts are currently unknown. Back to you, Michael."
"And there you have it," Michael addressed. "Sarasaland in chaos. The Super Mario Bros. in the middle. Could this be the end?"
"We'll continue reporting on this situation as it develops. Up next, it's Don on sports."
Another glasses-wearing reporter with a headband sat before an intense soccer-like game, which included such things as electric fences on the field and players throwing balls with their hands.
"As you can see, Strike is more popular than ever, thanks to the Galactic Strikers Federation. This match is getting intense, and-"
A ball hit him in the face, bouncing off. He weakly stood up, his nose bleeding from the impact. "This just in... OWWWW!"
Michael and Mark winced at the sight.
"Oooh... Don, put some ice on that," Michael told him. "Anyway, that's all the time we have for Metro News. Good day!"
Meanwhile…
Somewhere in the seas around Sarasaland, the Marine Pop sailed its way underwater. Mario was writing in a book monogrammed with his M with the words "Plumber's Log" printed on the cover.
"Plumber's Log, entry 89.23. It's been two days since we fled the brainwashed leaders of Sarasaland. Fortunately, they show no signs of pursuing us, giving us time to recover and try to come up with a plan. Unfortunately, that's proving to be increasingly difficult as-"
"For the last time, NO!" MP had her boot on E. Gadd's chest, pushing him away. "My Soopa Suit does not need improvements. It's working as intended, so keep your arthritic little mitts off!"
"Come now, Mary Pat, be reasonable," E. Gadd insisted. "We're going up against four entire kingdoms here!"
"And I used this to topple…" MP counted on her fingers. "Mushroom Egypt... Beanstalk and... Toad Town… Am I missing anything?"
"Yes, you only did so with help from Bowser's little upstarts."
"Hey! We're not upstarts!" Iggy's voice shouted from MP's phone, which had been set off to the side and set on speaker, the caller ID showing his picture.
"You be quiet!" E. Gadd snapped before turning back to MP. "I just want to look at it."
"Forget it!" MP turned to her eldest brother. "Mario! Will you put your stupid-" a whale call drowned out whatever she was going to say. "-ing logbook down for a minute and help me?!"
"Sis…" Mario sighed.
"You should," Iggy advised. "Before the 'good' doctor triggers one of the tamper alerts."
The bickering continued back and forth for a while before ROB turned back from the cockpit.
"Professor, isn't it time for your nap?" he asked.
Gadd perked. "Oh yes, thank you for reminding me."
Immediately, he fell asleep standing up. Mario caught him, setting him down in a chair.
"There," said ROB. "That should buy you some peace and quiet."
"Thank you, ROB."
MP grinned. "Best robot ever."
"Oh for Grambi's sake!" Daisy shouted, throwing up her arms in frustration. "We have been stuck here, under the ocean, for two. DAYS. My people are suffering, Tatanga's doing Grambi-knows-what… If I don't get out of here soon and do something, I'm gonna go nuts!"
"Daisy, please, calm down!" Luigi pleaded.
"Calm down?!" Daisy whirled on him, her expression crazed and eye twitching. "I'm completely calm!"
Luigi held up his arms nervously, slowly backing away. "I-I can see that."
Daisy stared intensely for a moment before sighing in defeat.
"Daisy, give us a break, we're preparing," Mario pointed out.
"Really?" Daisy raised an eyebrow. "It's interesting to me that in your eyes, 'preparing' looks more like 'sitting on your ass, drifting aimlessly through the sea.'"
"Listen, Daisy, there's nothing we can do til we reach land, and right now, we need to focus on helping Peach," MP told her. "That 1-Up Mushroom may have saved her life, but she's still out cold."
Daisy winced in guilt and worry.
"I'm sorry..." She sat down. "I just...I hate sitting around and doing nothing."
"I know it's hard," Luigi said, putting a hand on her shoulder. "Especially seeing your sibling hurt. But you need to be patient. Peach will be okay, and we'll save your kingdom. I promise."
Daisy took in what Luigi said, then nodded.
"Attention, passengers. We will be approaching the Piraput Kingdom before long." ROB reported.
"Right," Mario nodded. "Let's not go in blind. Daisy, what can you tell us?"
"Not a lot to say. The Piraput Kingdom is the home of the Shphinx and it's one of the more peaceful regions of Sarasaland, despite being a desert land. As for Piraput itself, your basic desert. Cacti, quicksand, heat, a buttload of pyramids. With a handful of Fighter Flies and Piranha Plants here and there."
"Guess the name shoulda tipped me off," Mario mused.
"Another Mushroom World Egypt?" MP smiled. "Sweet."
"If you want any more details, you're gonna have to talk to Sebas," Daisy told them. "I'm only really acquainted with the basics."
"Speaking of Sebas," Luigi cut in. "Where is he, anyway?"
-X-
In the ship's infirmary, Sebas was looking after Peach, who was laid out on a cot in the middle. Next to her was a Heart Container, bathing her in gentle, red light. As the Container flickered out, Sebas placed it in an empty ? Block before bopping another one, releasing another Heart Container. He set it next to Peach, causing it to glow and soothe her as Mario entered.
"How is she?" Mario asked.
"She's gone through at least a dozen Heart Containers…" Sebas reported. "While they sustain her, she's yet to awaken."
Mario grimaced anxiously. "I see… Still, thank you for all your help, Sebas."
"Of course," the butler replied with a bow.
"Hey Sebas," Luigi called out as he peeked his head inside, Mary Pat close behind. "Just a heads up, we're approaching Piraput, so we'll be surfacing soon."
"Ahh, King Totahmet's territory," Sebas said.
"Anything you can tell us about him?"
"He is a fierce warrior, the strongest of the Shphinxes. Not someone you want as an enemy."
"Ten coins says we'll have to challenge him to a duel so we can claim dominion and give him the cognitive recalibration he needs," MP suggested.
"I fear it will be far from easy," Sebas cut in, shaking his head. "Nobody has ever defeated Totahmet in a fight in centuries, partly because his palace is so heavily guarded, it's impossible to get into."
"Well, we weren't expecting to just knock on the door and ask him to let us in," Mario said. "But, that's not anything we haven't done already."
Sebas shook his head. "No, I mean he has a veritable army guarding it. Goombos, Fighter Flies, Stingwings, Cobra Plants... And of course, his elite Shphinx guardians. If you so much as get near the gates without permission, your games will be over faster than you can say..."
"We have arrived." ROB's voice cut in.
The Marine Pop had surfaced, sitting at the docks of a large desert with Egyptian themes; pyramids and palm trees dotting the landscape.
"Thank you for taking the Marine Pop," ROB recited. "Please watch your step as you disembark."
"Alright," Daisy said with determination. "Let's move!"
The exiled princess made to jump out, but MP grabbed her arm, stopping her.
"Whoa!" she exclaimed. "Time out there, Buttercup."
"Buttercup!?" Daisy scowled. "Now you listen here, you little-"
"Hey hey," Luigi let out, getting between them. "Take it easy. Sebas literally just said there's an army waiting for us before Totahmet's palace. We can't just run in, guns blazing."
"Why not? Tatanga only got him and the guards he brought with him. The rest should still be fine and on our side."
"White alert!"
Everyone perked as they looked up to find a pair of bee-like creatures with spears flying toward them, neither one looking happy to see them.
"Halt!" shouted bee number 1. "Your sub is floating in Piraput waters!"
"And your feet are on Piraput sands!" added bee number 2.
"State your business and identify yourselves, or be skewered by Piraput steel!" shouted both of them.
"Stingwings..." Daisy stepped forward. "Hey! I'm Princess Daisy, remember? The one in charge of Sarasaland? How about you stand down and put those spears away before someone gets hurt?"
The newly identified Stingwings gasped in shock. "Holy Brighton the Sunfather! Princess Daisy!?"
They hastily landed in front of Daisy, taking a knee and bowing their heads as soon as they touched the ground.
"See, what'd I tell you?" Daisy smiled.
"Princess, thank goodness you're here!" Number 1 exclaimed.
"It's a nightmare! An absolute nightmare!" 2 cried.
"King Totahmet has lost his mind!" they both shouted.
"Yeah, I know. I saw it happen. Tatanga brainwashed him. All of them."
"Brainwashed?" Number 1 exclaimed.
"That explains a lot," Number 2 admitted.
"What's he been doing?" Daisy asked. "I've been out of the loop for a few days, so I could use a play-by-play."
"When King Totahmet returned from Central, he was rip-roaring furious!" Number 1 cried.
"He was going on and on about how you were ruining Sarasaland, and said that it was time for things to change!" Number 2 continued.
"He started rounding up people left and right, forcing them into the royal army!" Number 1 explained, panicked.
"And putting everyone who can't fight to work in the fields or building things!" Number 2 finished.
"He's planning to invade the other kingdoms!" the two shouted in unison.
"What?!" Daisy shouted in horror.
"Wait, what?" Mario asked, confused. "But... Tatanga brainwashed all four rulers. Why would he pit them against each other?"
"We don't know!" the Stingwings exclaimed. "We're just telling you what happened!"
The group watched as the Stingwings broke down in panic. Daisy was furious. Mario and Luigi were concerned. But Mary Pat…
"Hang on," the Mario Sister cut in. She started shaking a finger, eyes furrowed in thought. "You two. Has King Totamet complained about Daisy before?"
The Stingwings blinked, thinking about what they'd just been asked.
"Well, not really," Number 1 replied.
"He's usually pretty supportive and understanding," Number 2 added.
"I don't mean to this extent. I mean has he said anything against Daisy or the other rulers? Anything at all"
The Stingwings hummed in thought, but before they could answer…
"Oh for the love of...we're wasting time, Mips!" Daisy shouted.
"Can it, Buttercup," Mips snapped, holding up her hand. "I'm trying to figure out Tatanga's endgame."
"We figure out his endgame later! We gotta stop his nowgame!"
With that, sprinted off into the desert, kicking up a trail of sand in her wake.
"Princess!" the Stingwings cried out.
"Daisy, wait!" Mario shouted.
"Gah! Stupido, pazzo idiota (1)!" MP cursed, facepalming.
"I'll go after her!" Luigi said as he gave chase. "Daisy! Come back!"
"Okay, first thing first, I gotta get to the city," Daisy said as she ran across the desert. "Just need to find a road and follow it, then…"
"Daisy!" Luigi called out as he ran up to her. "Daisy, will you please on for a second!? We need an actual plan of attack."
"I have a plan: attack," Daisy punched her into her hand. "I walk in, say something cool, then hit people in the face really, really hard."
"That is NOT a plan! That is the exact opposite of a plan!"
"Well, it's how I do things and it's worked out pretty damn well so far."
"You are facing a literal army here! You're gonna get yourself killed!"
"All I gotta do is bash Totahmet. I do that, the whole army snaps out of it too. That's how these kinds of spells usually go."
"Yeah, for wizards here. However, Tatanga's not from here. How do you know the same rules apply?"
'Well..." Daisy replied, pausing for a moment.
Before she could respond, however, she heard a sizzling noise and smelled something.
"Hey, do you smell smoke?" she asked.
Luigi took a sniff before recoiling. "Ugh! It smells like burning garbage!"
"Where is that coming from?"
Just then, they felt something beneath their feet. They look down and see the sand shifting.
"Uhoh..." they let out at the same time.
"Move!" Luigi yelled, grabbing Daisy and diving with her off the spot.
It was just in time as well, as they narrowly avoided a plant-like monster that leaped from the sand and tried to eat them.
"Yikes!" Luigi let out in response.
The creature emerged fully from the sand, it's some kind of bipedal carnivorous plant with massive, toothed petals.
"It's a Cobra Plant!" Daisy cried out.
"Cobra Plant?" Luigi questioned. "Is that anything like a Piranha Plant?"
"Sorta. It buries itself in the sand and waits for victims to get close. Then it leaps up and tries to eat them. Like a Piranha Plant. But..."
The plant then turned to them. It bulged slightly, much to Daisy's horror.
"Crud!" She cried out, grabbing him by the wrist. "Move again!"
The plant spewed a cloud of spores. They all landed on the ground, causing the sand to turn purple and nasty.
"What the-?!" Luigi let out.
"Poison," Daisy confirmed as the sand started to liquefy and bubble. "Really deadly poison."
"Ah…" he responded, his voice a few octaves higher. "How do we kill it?"
"Well...
The plant roared as it rushed at them, flailing its leaves and body about.
"Let's run for it while we talk!" Luigi suggested.
"Good idea!" She agreed, the two quickly taking off.
The plant chased them around for a bit. Eventually, they came across multiple ? Blocks
"There's gotta be something in here we can use to fight this thing off!" Luigi began hitting each one, only getting multiple coins, with which he made a feeble attempt at defending himself by throwing them at the Cobra Plant. As it simply chewed them up, Luigi made it to the last one, hitting it and popping out a Superball Flower.
"That'll do!" Luigi leapt for the flower just as the Cobra Plant spat spores at them.
"Luigi, look out!" Daisy screamed.
Luigi barely leaped out of the way of one of the spores as he snagged the flower. As soon as he powered up, he began pitching Superballs at the Cobra Plant as fast as he could.
"Wahoo!" he cheered as the Superballs nailed the Cobra Plant head-on. "Ha-ha! Take this! And that! And some of these!"
The plant attempted to advance, but it kept getting pelted with superballs.
"That all you got? Not all I got!"
The plant readied a spore attack.
"Luigi, it's gonna spore again!" Daisy cried.
Luigi kept lobbing balls until they started clogging up the plant's mouth. The plant tried to unleash its spores, only to get backed up. It began to swell, choking and gagging.
"Daisy…" Luigi began, "We might wanna duck and cover."
Daisy saw the same thing and the two made a beeline away from the plant. It began to swell, bulging until it finally burst like a balloon. Plant chunks and green blood-like fluid rained down as they hit the deck. The two slowly peeked out to see the resulting carnage.
"Mamma mia..." Luigi let out.
"Woo!" Daisy cheered. "Luigi, you did it!"
A goo splatter landed nearby, narrowly missing them.
"Ewww..." they both cringed.
"Okay... that's nasty," Luigi mused. "You… wanna go back to the docks and regroup?"
Daisy nodded. As they headed back, she continued to talk.
"Okay, as messy as that was, that was amazing! I've never seen anyone make that many superballs before."
Luigi smiled slightly, scratching his head awkwardly. "Well, I don't like to brag."
"And here I thought you were just…uhhh…"
"Some chicken-wuss dork?" Daisy slowly nodded. "Well, that's… exactly what I am, but I'm a lot tougher than some people think."
"I mean it, you must have some serious Star Power to pull that off."
Luigi blinked. "Star... Power?"
"Uhhh...yeah, power of the stars? The celestial spark found in the spirits of all living things? The magic, video game power-up malarky?"
"Like Peach's Heart Power?"
"Sorta. It's..."
"HEY!" came Mario's yell.
"Get off me!" MP shouted.
Luigi and Daisy ran to the docs, ducking behind some palm trees as they saw Mario, MP, and E. Gadd being roughed up and restrained by a group of Stingwing and Shphinx soldiers.
"I say, this is no way to treat a man my age!" E. Gadd cried. "You should learn to respect your elders! I have my rights, darn you! I...!"
He was promptly clubbed unconscious.
"Oh no…" Luigi gasped.
"Hey!" Daisy tried to rush out to confront them, but Luigi yelped, grabbing her and pulling her back behind the tree.
"Don't!" he exclaimed. "We can't help them if we're arrested too!"
"Then what are we supposed to do?! Just sit here?"
As they watched, Mario managed to rise up, throwing several off and fighting back. Eventually, however, they swarmed him, a cartoonish dust cloud kicking up, along with the sounds of punching and grunting; when it cleared, the soldiers stood over a hogtied Mario.
"Alright, that's enough." the leader ordered.
"Mario!" MP pulled against the soldiers holding her. "MARIO!"
Only to go limp as she was knocked out as well.
"Dang, these two are real fighters." one soldier mused. "Can't wait to sic them on the fat, red seahorse."
"Enough!" the leader snapped. "Get these outsiders on the cart and take them to the city. The sooner we do, the sooner we get our reward from Pharaoh."
MP and E. Gadd were chucked into the cart hooked up to a pair of Shphinxes, the leader picking Mario up. The red plumber glared at him.
"You have no idea who you're messing with, do you?" he asked.
"Even if we did, it wouldn't matter," the soldier replied. "As of now, you're soldiers in the Piraputan Foreign Legion."
The leader tossed Mario in, slamming the door shut. "Take'em away!"
The one at the head of the cart cracked the reins, the Shphinxes connected to it flying off. With that done, the soldiers headed out. Once they were gone, Luigi peeked to make sure the coast was clear.
"Okay, all clear." He crept out, still holding a squirming Daisy. "Okay, if I let you go, will you promise not to flip out?"
Rather than answer, Daisy grabbed his arm, sinking her teeth into it. Luigi let out a pained yelp as Daisy took advantage of his recoiling to break free.
"You just stood there while they took your brother and sister!" she shouted. "And your friend!"
"There were too many of them!" Luigi objected. "You saw what they did to Mario!"
"We could've taken them! Remember what you did to that plant?"
"Yeah, one plant! That was like, thirty guys!" Luigi took a breath, calming himself down. "Look, it's not over. We're gonna get them back."
"How!?" Daisy demanded. "We'll never keep up with a Shphinx cart! Those guys are fast and can fly! Mario, MP, the old guy, Peach, and the robot are...!"
It was then that Daisy noticed something, or rather, noticed something missing.
"Wait, where is the robot? And the sub?"
"Did someone call?"
A sudden splashing noise greeted their ears as the Marine Pop breached, promptly opening to reveal ROB.
"Greetings, Luigi and Princess Daisy!" E. Gadd's robot helper greeted them with a wave.
"ROB!" the two cried out in relief as they ran over to him.
"You stashed the sub?" Daisy asked.
ROB nodded. "It would have been detrimental to the health of the patient."
"So Peach is...?"
ROB nodded again. "Safe and unharmed." Daisy sighed in relief. "For now, the priority is saving Mario, Mary Pat, and the Professor. Please, get in."
"Uh… ROB, that's a sub," Luigi said. "How can we chase them through the desert in a sub?"
ROB seemed to chuckle in response. "The Marine Pop is more than just a submarine, Luigi. In fact, the Professor recently finished one of its most important features."
The two watched as ROB turned a dial on the sub's dash.
"Activate Mode Change! Switch to: Road Pop!"
Suddenly, the Marine Pop leaped into the air and toward the ground. As it flew, it shifted and whirred, forming into a car shape with E. Gadd's logo on the hood before hitting the sand on four off-road tires.
"Whoa!" Daisy let out.
"Wowie zowie!" Luigi exclaimed.
"By your outbursts, I take it you are satisfied?" Rob inquired.
"Oh yeah, big time," Daisy confirmed.
"Shotgun!" Luigi called out.
He got in the front passenger seat. Daisy pouted before shrugging and getting in the back.
"Alright then..." Rob replied, flipping a few switches. "Stellar batteries to power… Turbines to speed… Dramatic chase music qued..." ROB turned to the two. "Please fasten your seatbelts."
They were quick to comply as ROB reached for a switch.
"Ready to rock."
ROB pulled the switch, causing them to jet off into the desert.
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Luigi cried out.
"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! YEAH!" Daisy cheered, raising her hands in the air.
"Wee," ROB mustered.
Author's Note:
(1): Stupid, crazy idiot.
Well… this is bad. Mario and the others have been captured by Totahmet's soldiers! Can Luigi and Daisy save the day?
The Metro News segment is based on Rich Alvarez's YouTube News series; you may recognize him as the source behind the YouTube show Stupid Mario Brothers.
Also, I am happy to announce that courtesy of nintendoscript15, Adventures of the Super Mario Bros. has a TV Tropes page in need of love. Drop by here to find it: Fanfic/AdventuresOfTheSuperMarioBros
WINDSTAR:"Think we could get him to do Tales of Sonic's tropes page too?"
Thwack!
WINDSTAR:"Ow!"
Please R&R. Until next time!