Chapter 3: Memories Worth Forgetting
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"Say old man, exactly how far do you live from those fields? We've been on this dirt road for a while."
Subaru tenderly cradled the slumbering Rem in his lap, feeling each soft breath. The rhythmic hum of the road was the only sound, a soothing backdrop to their shared moment of peace. By now, the sun had completely set.
The old man shot Subaru a side eye before opening the back window.
"I was actually just checking up on my neighbors fields for em'. We're just about another five minutes out."
Suddenly being home again was a hard pill to swallow. The scenery that once brought comfort now brought with it a sense of anxiety. The biggest fear in his mind was that this was all just another trial or a cruel joke from Echidna.
"You consider someone that lives this far a neighbor?"
The old man chuckled.
"They're closer to me than anyone else so why wouldn't they be?"
All of this felt eerily similar to the time when Echidna replicated a world from his memories for the trail at sanctuary. The accuracy and attention to detail were nothing to scoff at considering that she had no other knowledge of the world outside of his memories.
The sole discrepancy in the theory was Subaru's complete lack of memory of the old man, the fields, and even the truck. While it's possible these details were fabricated from his existing memories, Echidna's initial dream didn't exhibit that kind of ability.
Then there was the matter of Rem. It would not be the first time someone tried to use Rem's image to manipulate Subaru. Carmilla had previously taken up her voice and image to try and convince him to give up.
The blue haired maid groaned before repositioning herself on his legs to get more comfortable.
Subaru could only admire her beauty. Had it not been for the simple fact she had been asleep for so long he would be drooling all over it.
Carmilla's deception was transparent. She had no real understanding of the woman beyond what Subaru had shared about their relationship. The blue-haired maid in his lap, however, seemed undeniably real. Her presence felt genuine, but Subaru couldn't dismiss the possibility that it was his own hopes clouding his judgment. This time, the line between hope and reality blurred.
"It doesn't matter how hard you stare at her. Nobody's gonna snatch her."
Subaru snapped out of his daze.
For the whole ride the two had been in complete silence. Any conversation the two tried to have ended abruptly. So much so the old man couldn't tell if Subaru even liked him. Seeing the look of contemplation on the boy's face made the tension feel one sided.
"Sorry, just a lot on my mind. I swear I wasn't thinking anything weird! It isn't actually like that…"
His heartbeat sped up. It was one thing for everyone to tease him about Emilia, the very person he took an oath to protect and stand by their side. With Rem it was different to say the least. Taking into account the confession she made towards Subaru, things right afterwards picked up so quickly they never got a chance to sit down and address it.
Those feelings were still just in the air.
"Oh please you can't really believe me to expect that girl to be anything less than your girlfriend."
Red and embarrassed Subaru couldn't think of anything else to say. Turning back around pouting in his defeat.
The loop was filled with discrepancies, each a potential clue. But the most perplexing question remained: who or what had orchestrated his return, and for what purpose?
It seemed like an archbishops plot might be the reason for his return, but bringing Rem along? That couldn't have been the case. Could it have been a random accident? Unlikely. From what Subaru had been told by Priscilla, such a feat was not one that could be easily achieved.
The intricacy and power required to pull off such a manipulation were beyond the capabilities of most. Rem was sent back with him purposely. It was hard to imagine anyone other than Satella pulling that off but to send a direct rival to her "love" wasn't likely.
Then there was the strange dream he had before waking up in the rice field. Previously, Subaru had only seen Satella during Echidna's tea party and the many times return by death triggered. However, the Satella he encountered in this dream was different.
There was a subtle shift in her demeanor, something while not entirely distinct gave way for doubt. Just a glance at her was enough to sense that something was amiss. It reminded him of the time Satella had infiltrated Echidna's domain, and how Typhon had chosen her phrasing carefully.
Ah it's Tella Tella!
All of these factors without so much as taking a step inside his own home. Lagunicas problems alone were enough to give Subaru a migraine but the reality of his own world was going to be much worse.
Going from the Hero of Lugnica to The runaway teen returning home.
The truck came to a sudden stop shaking the pair. It was enough to wake the sleeping beauty and knock the runaway teen into the back window.
"Hey! A little warning next time!"
The old man ignored the cries of the boyfriend in denial and hopped out of the truck stretching out his back.
"I hope you don't ogle her like that around your parents later. They might actually turn you in."
Holding the back of his head Subaru scoffed. "For the last time I wasn't ogling her I was just lost in thought!"
Rem sat up, still groggy from her nap, her senses hazy and unfocused. The sound of her knight in shining armor crashing into the window barely registered in her mind. Though she felt slightly better than before, her body remained achingly sore. The sensation of her strength being drained lingered, like an invisible weight pressing down on her, leaving her a little weak.
Subaru pulled himself over the side of the truck quickly reaching his hand out to her.
Rem, unable to hide her emotions, turned a bright red as she took his hand. To him, it was likely just a polite gesture, but for the young maiden in love with the man she admired, her cheeks flushed with a soft pink. Her heart raced, and she couldn't suppress the warmth spreading through her at the simple touch. For her, this small act meant everything, a moment she would cherish despite its innocence.
It was always like this for her when it came to him. The little things that no other would ever pay mind to are the very things that had her so enamored.
The two were presented with a rather modest home. Aging but standing tall and proud against the test of time. Subaru, already growing accustomed to the lack of convenience from modern technology, didn't even bat an eye to see the lack of any modern additions to the house. However it was a conflicting set of feelings.
His emotions must have been showing on his face as the Farmer felt the need to nudge him in his side. "Well I know it isn't much for your generation but this home will outlast anything you guys have in the city."
Subaru wasn't trying to offend the man, just having to process everything so quickly left him trailing behind. A taste of Lugnica before being thrown to the wolves of the modern city. He couldn't even begin to think of the explanations he was going to have to give Rem.
"I didn't mean anything by it! Believe me you don't understand how glad I am that you brought us here."
A polite smile was enough to settle the farmer.
"Good answer now, come on in, but please leave the muddy shoes outside if you will."
During the drive, Subaru had tried to clean the mud from both of their hair and clothes. Once the mud dried, it was easier to flick off, but remnants stubbornly clung, refusing to budge without a proper wash. The earthy smell of plants and dirt lingered, defying the breeze that desperately worked to move the smell off.
The Farmer ran up to his door almost like he had never aged. Slamming the door to the house wide open. It was hard enough that the bang could be heard echoing.
"Oi! Unmei we have guests! Please serve a few more plates!"
There was silence from the house. Even the geezer was caught off guard by the lack of response.
"Unmei! UNM-"
In the midst of his shouting match all the pair could see was a ladle slammed down with the force of god onto the man's head wincing from the imaginary pain. The geezer fell to his knees gripping the top of his head.
"I heard you! Have you ever heard of making a good impression? You should definitely try that before making a big ruckus!"
Standing at the door was a well-dressed, admittedly intimidating young woman. At a glance, her resemblance to the old man was clear, ingrained in her angry expression. She stood fairly tall, a few inches above Subaru. Her black hair was silky and smooth,down to her shoulders. But the most noticeable feature was her heterochromia. One eye was as black as her hair, the other a striking purple.
"Hello you two! Sorry about my pops! Despite being a farmer I guess you could say he's no better than the animals when it comes to manners."
Rem couldn't contain her laughter chuckling.
"I say the same thing about Subaru sometimes. A gentleman when he wants to be but no better than the pigs!"
Unemi herself shot Rem a smile. "Unfortunately they never grow out of it. Even after marriage and a kid he's still trying to figure it out."
The Old Man surrendered to his pain trying to sneak past the woman.
Unmei put her hand to her side. "Well as much as I want to welcome you in, I doubt you could enjoy a meal looking like that."
The pair looked at one another in defeat. Even if they wanted to change before stepping into their home all they had was the clothes on their back. Laundry was not one of the issues they considered having when being sent back to Subarus original world.
"Don't go looking so glum! Meet me out back the shower ain't really connected to the house!"
Subaru was about to retort, to explain they had no clothes to change into, but Unmei swiftly dragged her father inside and slammed the door shut before he could get a word out. He let out a sigh and hunched over in defeat. Rem, sensing his frustration, gently rubbed his back in a comforting gesture, trying to soothe his spirit.
Subaru grabbed her hand once again, not giving it much thought and gently pulled her along around the house.
Rem once again noticed this sudden shift in Subaru's behavior. Normally not the aggressive type but fairly careless, Subaru had turned the dial up to eleven since they had woken up. While he had pulled her along or taken her hand before, this time his actions were more intense. She was startled by his sudden breakdown when they met in the rice field but didn't have the heart to question him right then and there.
His strange behavior puzzled her, and the only reason she could think of was the battle with the two archbishops. While her memory was hazy she didn't know exactly what happened after. She could feel the subtle possessiveness in his grip, whether intentional or not, adding to her growing embarrassment.
"Well that is not the kind of shower I was expecting."
The "shower" itself was exceptionally large, far more elaborate than what one might expect. If Subaru didn't know any better, he might have assumed it was another smaller house. The structure was impressive, almost like a miniature home solely dedicated to the luxury of bathing. Tall walls surrounded the space, giving it an open yet private feel, while the intricate tile work and multiple shower heads hinted at a level of sophistication usually reserved for high-end spas.
"Wow, are all baths like this in your world Subaru?"
Rem was taken aback by the quality of the showers itself. Quality like this was nothing short of what you would find with aristocrats and royals back in Lugnica.
"You like it? Took forever to get pops off his ass on building it."
Unmei had appeared behind the two holding a box out in front of her.
"Believe it or not the old man uses it way more than I do." She gestured for Subaru to take the box, handing it to him. " Here's a box of some old clothes we keep around. Don't know your sizes but you should be able to find something that fits."
Subaru gripped the box, feeling its weight not just physically, but emotionally too. These people were nothing more than kind souls extending their help. "I really appreciate this, but we're strangers. Why are you and your dad so willing to help?"
Unmei crossed her arms. "We all need help sometimes. Consider this our way of paying it forward."
With a smile, she left them to sift through the box. Many of the clothes were clearly hand-me-downs, but finding an outfit for each of them was easy. Subaru picked out a plain white t-shirt with a slightly questionable stain on the chest pocket and a pair of patched-up jeans. Rem had more choices, but the one that caught her eye was a checkered yellow dress.
"Ah yeah I think yellow would look good on you."
Rem could feel her cheeks flush. "I-I'll be going in to bathe first!"
Red as button Rem took off with the dress to the showers, leaving Subaru to pack up the clothes they didn't pick out. It was hard to keep himself from smiling. Seeing Rem just talk again was something he was glad he was going to have to get used to again. Just the other day he was thinking about how badly he wanted nothing more than to just see her smile again. Now that dream has become a reality. Whatever managed to make that happen he was grateful.
"You sure love that girlfriend if you're smiling that hard."
Unmei was standing at the back door holding an empty laundry basket.
Subaru, embarrassed, stumbled on his words. "She's not my girlfriend or anything! She's a really close friend and It's just been a while since we've been able to talk like this."
Unmei chuckled. "Yeah alright. Well you and your 'friend' can put your clothes in this thing. I'll wash em' in the morning before you head out."
"You really don't have to! Just letting us borrow these clothes and use your shower is more than enough."
Hospitality, a luxury not many could afford to give in Lugnica to a complete stranger. Now that he was being met with it so fiercely it was hard to accept it without a semblance of guilt. Afterall Subaru had nothing to offer in return without a dime to his name he was nothing more than a freeloader.
He never wanted to feel like that again and yet here he was. The hikikomori holding his hand out waiting on someone to bail him out.
"I can't begin to understand what you've been through or what you're going through now. You're just a kid, and it's up to us adults to help you get back on your feet." Unmei shoved the basket into Subaru's hands. "Taking a shower and having dinner isn't exactly world-changing, so don't feel too bad about it."
A dumb kid. After everything he had endured, it seemed unbelievable that anyone besides Emilia would still refer to him as just a kid. But the words managed to bring out some conflicting feelings from him.
The man who managed to defeat two out of the three great disasters of the world. The only only to make a move against and succeed in pushing back the Witch cult. To others in Lugnica Subaru was the only one who could make the impossible a reality.
"I haven't really been treated like a kid since I left."
She put her hand on his shoulder. "It's different when you're on your own. But I'm sure your parents are gonna make sure you know you're their baby."
Subaru shot her a look of surprise. "Wait how do you…"
"Oh please at this point there isn't anyone within an hour of the city who doesn't know Kenichi or Naoko. They're pretty worried you know?" Unmei offered a polite smile before retreating indoors, leaving Subaru to sit on the stone steps by the door.
Just how much effort have they put into finding me?
The gentle wind rustled through the overgrown grass around the property. Subaru had always felt assured in his experience, believing that life held no more surprises for him. A lifetime of trial and error, with his own blood charting the course.
His time in Lugnica had made him certain that he was much more than just an eighteen-year-old boy. The world could hold no surprises for him, and he was convinced that it was his duty to save it. The lives of everyone depended on his ability to navigate any challenge thrown his way. He was the sole force preventing the world from unraveling.
"Ah! The temperature was just perfect! After being covered in that mud nothing could have been better!" A cheerful Rem called out to Subaru.
A stark reminder that he wasn't invincible. That he couldn't save everyone. That he had failed and may continue to do so as much as he tries to stay on top of things.
She was still drying her hair, the dress fit nicely and served as a stark contrast to her blue hair. Subaru shot her a smile before grabbing his own outfit and heading to the showers himself.
"You can go on ahead, she said to leave your clothes in the basket. Think I'm gonna take a bit of a longer shower."
Rem nodded in disagreement. "I'll wait here."
Subaru turned towards the shower trying to keep his composure. "I'll make it quick then."
Without another word he made his way to the showers.
His mind was cluttered with countless thoughts, preventing him from fully appreciating the marvel of the outdoor bathhouse the farmer had built. As he quickly undressed and let the hot water wash over him, he could feel his fatigue melting away.
Alone.
A moment Alone.
Even in Lugnica Subaru hardly had a moment to himself.
If not with Garf or Otto, he was playing with Petra and Mimi.
Chatting with Beatrice and Emilia.
Or goofing off with Frederica and Ram.
When he managed to slip away he would only ever go to one place.
By her side.
Patiently awaiting for the moment his wishes came true and she opened her eyes.
He could not bring himself to cry.
The very moment he did it would mean nobody was holding onto hope.
Nobody could, she was nothing more than stories to the rest of them.
She had no voice, no way of crying out for help.
It was his responsibility to keep it together, to keep fighting on her behalf.
The way she did for him even at the cost of her own life.
But now that she was running around, smiling and laughing just like before, wasn't it okay for him to finally let his grief out? All the sorrow he had bottled up since he lost her. Every sleepless night spent by her side. The countless times he cursed the Archbishop of Greed. Could he not be forgiven for breaking down now?
Tears indistinguishable from the water ran down his face.
The hot water streams down, mingling with his tears as he slumped against the shower wall, wracked with sobs. Each breath a desperate gasp, his chest heaving with the effort. Clawing at his face, trying to wipe away the tears that won't stop flowing.
The steam swirls around him, but it offers no solace, only a suffocating reminder of how painful it was to endure for this long. His cries echoed in the small space, a haunting symphony of pain. The water, a source of comfort, now feels like a mirror for the emotions violently within.
What seemed to be the most painful thing was his immense guilt.
Despite the dire situation he finds himself in, the fact he is back home to his original world he could feel nothing but relief.
Relief that his efforts paid off.
Relief that he would never have to worry about her smile fading again.
Relief that he didn't have to endure it any longer.
Cupping trembling hands around the water, he splashes himself. The warmth gradually soothes his agitated emotions.
Looking into the mirror he saw it. The ugly, pathetic hikikomori he so desperately wanted to leave behind.
✦ . ⁺ . ✦ . ⁺ . ✦
Hello everyone it's your favorite tired turtle! This chapter is on the shorter side but I felt like dragging it out any longer would have taken away from what I wanted to do with it! I know so grim! For those who are familiar with the original than you may notice a significant difference in the direction of the story here. Originally I think I treated the fact of Subaru returning home to lightly and wanted to consider just how insane it would feel for him after accepting the fact he may never see his parents again.