There's Madness in the Acolyte Base

"Umph, it's times like this that make me understand how some people become nihilists," Mastermind sighed while glumly trudging down a hallway. "My life has become completely and utterly without meaning. Just one long slog of dull, drab, soul-draining dreariness. Why do I have to live like this? What did I ever do to deserve such a sad and empty…"

RUUUMMMBBBLLLE!

POP! POP! POP! POP! POP!

"HAHAHAHAHA! YEAH! YEAH!"

FA-WHOOOOOOM!

"Huh?" Mastermind blinked snapping out of his funk. He gulped as an ominous flame-tinged glow suddenly filled the hallway. "Oh boy. That can't be good…"

"A mutant's life is gloomy," Pyro boomed somewhere in the distance.

"A mutant's life is tough," Piotr's voice was next.

"Of all the hate and bigotry I've had enough!" Remy's declaration echoed off the walls.

"Oh no! Not again!" Mastermind yelped and immediately ran back down the hallway. "Whatever those idiots are up do this time, I don't want any part in it!"

"Oh, thanks to evolution we've all got an X-gene!" The three younger Acolytes' chants steadily grew nearer. "The greatest source of madness the world has ever seen!"

"No kidding…aaahhhhhh!" Mastermind yelped as a glowing glob of flaming gel suddenly shot in front of him.

"Hey! Goodness grace! There's madness in the Acolyte base!" Remy, Pyro and Piotr appeared wielding a collection of large, strange-looking padded mallets that alternately emitted gel, bubbles, glitter, shaving cream and silly string. "Goodness grace! A wild mix of fun and love!"

"Gaaahhhhhh!" Mastermind cried as he and the immediate surroundings were impishly bopped and pummeled repeatedly. "Ow! Ow! Ow!"

"A charismatic mutant team!" Pyro stated with a smile. "Which likes to play, sing, dance and dream!"

"The wonderful Acolytes!" Remy and Piotr bellowed backing Pyro up.

"That's what I'm afraid of!" Mastermind yelled as his teammates swept him down the hallway.

"It's pure bedlam! It's chaos! It's lunacy!" Remy, Pyro and Piotr sang as they pranced throughout the Acolyte base bopping everything in sight. "A crazy world of jokes, flames and strange random objects!"

"Unfortunately," Mastermind gasped glancing at the trio's madness-spewing mallets. "Where in the world did you lunatics get those things? The Acme Corporation?"

"It's a maelstrom of utter insanity!" The three younger Acolytes whooped continuing their rampage.

"Silly displays of levity held just to get a laugh!" Pyro grinned setting fire to Magneto's private lab.

"And no one knows what fun will happen next!" Remy and Piotr boomed.

"Are you insane?! What am I saying?" Mastermind yelped as he desperately attempted to escape. "Nothing about this ridiculous absurdity is fun!"

"YAAAHHHHHH!" A wet and disheveled Sabertooth suddenly bounced into view bound in a heavy-duty straitjacket while being chased by a pack of automated brushes, sprayers, hair curlers and flat irons. "SOMEBODY GET THESE CURSED THINGS AWAY FROM ME! THEY'RE TRYING TO WASH ME TO DEATH! AAACCCKKK, STOP SPRAYING ME WITH SOAP! BLEAH, THERE'S SHAMPOO IN MY EYE! NOT, NOT THE HAIR! ANYTHING BUT THE HAIR! NOOOOOOOOO!"

"Although subjectively, things could be a lot worse," Mastermind gulped.

"Alright! That's the spirit, Masty!" Remy cheered. "'Bout time you decided to join in and live it up!"

"At this rate I may not live much longer!" Mastermind blanched as Pyro casually set half the hallway on fire. "Shouldn't you fools turn your physics-breaking mallets into fire extinguishers and put out the flames before we all burn to death?"

"In a minute. I would like your opinion on something," Piotr indicated a section of hallway where he had drawn a quick mural of Magneto being savaged by a swarm of tarantula hawks and bullet ants. "I've worked hard on this painting. Come tell me what you think."

"Do I have to?" Mastermind moaned.

"Let's swipe all the base's booze and pour it down the sink!" Remy suggested with a twinkle in his eye.

"No! Don't do that!" Mastermind gasped. "Please pour all the booze down my throat instead!"

"I got a load of mouse traps! And firecrackers too!" Pyro cackled maniacally. "Let's toss them all together! And see what they can do!"

"What?! Auuuggghhhhhh!" Mastermind cried bursting free from his teammates and frantically ran down the flaming hallway. "Must get away! Must get away!" He spotted an open doorway and desperately drove through it. "Whew! I'm safe!"

"Want to bet?" Magneto suddenly loomed over him.

"Huh?" Mastermind blinked in surprise. "Magneto? What are you doing in here?"

"What do you think I'm doing in here?" Magneto snapped indicating their surroundings. "This is my private office. Or at least what's left of it after those mad idiots destroyed my door and allowed all their stupid, chaotic lunacy in! That's the sixth door this week!"

"I feel their pain," Mastermind groaned in sympathy for the lost doors. "If only my sanity could be as easily replaced."

"Those maniacs are completely out of control!" Magneto went on holding his hands to his head. "I don't know how much more of their mindless mayhem I can take!" He twitched as something exploded in the background before letting out a scream. "Ahhh, they're all crazy! They're nutty! They're wild loonies! Those fool lunatics of mine have driven me straight mad!"

"More like crashed and burned," Mastermind moaned as a fireball flew past the doorway. "Literally!"

"They've wrecked every last bit of my sanity!" Magneto howled clawing at his helmet. "I should just go and ditch them all! As soon as possible! Before my wits are blown to kingdom come!"

"Please take me with you," Mastermind whimpered.

"I'll form a brand new team that's loyal, sane and rational!" Magneto smiled at the thought. "Without a bit of pandemonium!"

"Yay!" Mastermind cheered.

"I'll be safe!" Magneto shouted.

"I'll be safe!" Mastermind echoed happily.

"I'll be free!" Magneto roared.

"I'll be free!" Mastermind cried.

"And be done with all this dumb, nonstop insanity!" The two elder mutants whooped and skipped about while raising their hands to the heavens.

BOOOOOOOOOM!

"Speaking of which," Magneto gulped using his powers to swiftly flee his office. "I'm out of here!"

"Hey, wait for me!" Mastermind yelled running after him. "You can't leave me like this…WAAAGGGHHHHHH!"

"Hahahahaha!" Pyro laughed insanely filling the hallway with fire.

"Get him! Get him!" Remy and Piotr giggled as they attempted to bop Magneto.

"STOP HITTING ME, YOU STUPID FOOLS!" Magneto roared as he frantically tried to escape. "YOU IDIOTS ARE GOING TO PAY FOR THIS…WHAT THE? ARE THOSE MALLETS SHOOTING GLUE?! HOW IS THAT POSSIB…MMMPPPHHHHHH!"

"WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP ME?! YAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Sabertooth shrieked running by with half his hair done up in curled pink and purple flower ribbons. "GAAAHHHHHH! I'D RATHER BE BALD!"

"Aaauuuggghhhhhh!" Mastermind screamed as he desperately attempted to run the gauntlet of chaos the hallway had become. "Yikes! Goodness grace! There's madness in the Acolyte base! Goodness grace! We're all well and truly doomed!"

"Yay!" Pyro cackled creating a flock of fire flamingos overhead.

"Yay!" Piotr laughed managing to draw a purple gel mustache on Magneto.

"Yay! Goodness grace! There's madness in the Acolyte base!" Remy cheered leading Piotr and Pyro in yet even more outrageous antics. "Goodness grace! The sheer mayhem level grows!"

"SO DOES MY BLOOD PRESSURE!" Magneto snapped. "ALONG WITH MY DESIRE TO KILL YOU ALL WHERE YOU STAND!"

"A wild array of gaiety!" Piotr and Pyro shouted.

"Insanity's epitome!" Remy whooped.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Sabertooth cried.

"Havoc and humor galore!" Remy, Pyro and Piotr roared shooting flames, gel, glitter, shaving cream, bubbles and silly string in all directions.

"AAAUUUGGGHHHHHHHHH!" Magneto screamed. "WHEN WILL…IT…END?!"

"Who knows?" Mastermind groaned.

Disclaimer: I do not own X-Men: Evolution or the song "There's a Rumor in St. Petersburg".