Chaotic Waters Act 1, Chapter 12: Stories and Tears.
Urged on by a feeling she didn't understand, Michiru's lips inched closer to her classmate's, closer and closer until they were barely touching. Horror surged through her. What was she doing, and with another guy at that?! She pressed her hands against Haruka's chest, intending to push the boy away only to freeze. There, underneath the boy's hoodie she felt her hands squish something, or rather a pair of somethings she knew guys weren't supposed to have.
Haruka yelped and jumped to her feet, her arms crossed over her chest in a pose Michiru had seen countless times. A very feminine pose that women used to cover their...their...
Her eyes widened a split second before she scrambled backwards on her hands and feet until her back hit a wall. "I'msosorry!Ididn'tknowyouwerea-notthatthat'sanyexcuse-I'mreallysorryitwon'thappenagainpleasedon'thitme!" She waved her hands in front of her face almost as fast as her words fell from her lips in an unrecognizable stream of words.
It was a good thing then that Haruka hadn't caught a single word, too distracted as he was by the sight of his classmate's smooth legs. "Hnrk?!" Oh gods she was gonna kill him, he couldn't tear his eyes away!
"I'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorry!"
"Right...I'm sorry for falling on you like that." Haruka apologized. Neither of the two could look at each other, their faces flushed crimson with embarrassment.
"N-no, I'm sorry I touched your...you know." She said, sitting seiza, glancing at her classmate. "So you're...a girl?"
The blonde winced, tilting his hand in a so-so gesture. "That depends on what you're asking." He said after a moment. "If you're asking what it says on my birth certificate, than yes, but if you're asking me personally than I would say it depended on the moment."
The cursed girl frowned, not understanding her classmates answer. "Wouldn't your birth certificate have the correct answer?" She said.
"Not...always." Her classmate sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. He looked around before spotting a fruit bowl on the counter. "Right, bear with me for a moment." He said, walking over to the fruit bowl and picking up an apple and an orange. "Lets say that this-" He held up the apple. "-is a boy and this-" He held up the other fruit. "-is a girl."
Michiru nodded slowly to show she understood, not sure where the racer was going with this.
The racer grabbed a paring knife and sliced each fruit in two, presenting the inside of the fruit to his classmate. "Lets say the outside of the fruit is a person's body, whether a boy or a girl and the inside is how they see themselves, with me so far?"
"I...think so?"
"Alright, so most of the time how a person looks-" He pointed at the outside of the orange. "-and how they feel about themselves are the same, this is called being cisgender." He continued, pointing at the inside of the sweet and tangy fruit. "Or, to put it another way, someone who is born as either sex feeling that the are that sex, a girl feels like a girl and a boy feels like a boy."
"Didn't know there was a word for that, I just thought that's how things were." The cursed girl said with a nod that she understood.
"That's how a lot of people think, but sometimes how a person looks might be different from how they feel. So you could have someone who has the body of a girl-" He held up the orange once more. "-but feels like a boy." He finished, holding up the apple.
Michiru furrowed her brow, thinking about what the blonde had just said. "So...it'd be like an orange on the outside...but an apple on the inside?"
The racer grinned and nodded his head, looking at the teal haired girl excitedly. "Yes, exactly!"
"But...then which would it be, an apple or an orange?"
"Well...that depends on who you ask." The racer said with a sigh, sitting down on the ground in front of the cursed girl. "Some people will say that the person's body is right, while the person themselves might think how they feel is correct."
"That sounds complicated." Why was all of this sounding familiar?
"It's incredibly complicated and it gets even more so when you consider that some people don't feel like they're a guyora girl, some feel like both, some feel like it changes from day to day, and some feel like they're not any gender at all." His fingers toyed with the drawstring of his sweatpants while he thought about his next words. He wanted his classmate to come too her own conclusions...but if she told the school that his records were wrong...what then?
"You know...it didn't occur to me until now, but I have a friend who's like that, an apple that feels like an orange." The teal haired girl said, tapping her index finger against her chin in thought. "She always dresses and acts so much like an orange, I mean a girl, that I didn't think anything of it, despite knowing what her...parts are."
"Wait, really?" His classmate knew someone who was trans, and openly living as their preferred gender at that? On top of that, she didn't seem to have a problem with them.
"Mhm, you'd never be able to tell by looking at her that she was born a guy, I only know because...well she kind of exploded and her outfit got damaged enough to show everyone her chest."
"She...exploded?"
"Long story." The teal haired girl muttered, waving off her classmates question. "I never asked why she chose to dress and act like a girl, figured if she wanted to tell me she would...although now that I think about it, she did look really uncomfortable whenever anyone would refer to her as a guy..."
"That was probably dysphoria." The racer sighed, taking a small bite of one of the apple halves. "It doesn't happen every time, but sometimes the difference between a person's gender identity, how they feel about themselves, and their sex, their physical parts, can cause discomfort." He explained, tossing the other half of the apple to his classmate. "It's different for everyone, for some it feels like an itch they can't scratch, sometimes it's a physical ache, some even feel..." He scrunched up his face, trying to think of the right words to use. "I don't know the best way to explain it other than a feeling of wrongness." He finished, closing his eyes and taking another bite of the crunchy fruit. When he opened his eyes again, he immediately knew something was wrong. The teal haired girl in front of him looked as if all of the blood had drained from her face in an instant. A slight movement caught his eyes, a tremor in his classmates arm. Was she...was she trembling? Why did the girl look scared? No, scared didn't even begin to describe the sheerterrorin her eyes. "Kaioh-san?"
It couldn't be,shecouldn't be...could she? She still remembered the other night, her skin crawling with...whatever that feeling was, it couldn't have been this dysphoria thing, could it?"I'm not like Konatsu, I'm not, I'm not!"Her thoughts cried out, her hands clenched tightly into fists."I'm not like her, I don't enjoy acting like a girl or wearing girl's clothes or...or anything!"Except that wasn't true, every single time she had worn girl's clothes she would feel a little thrill, like a shiver of happiness that made her want to just jump for joy or burst into laughter. Even acting like a girl in her classes at Juban high had been more fun than anything she'd done in years! She didn't feel like she constantly had to be on guard so people didn't think she wasn't manly or that she was acting too much like a girl...like a girl did? Her already pallid face paled even further, how many times had people told her that she was acting like a girl when she was just being herself? How many times had her pops told her that the things she enjoyed were for girls?! How many, how many, how many?! Was she...was she really, could she actually be like Konatsu? A girl with the body of a boy?"...no, there's no way that could be the case...right?"
She shook her head and took a deep breaths, slowly unclenching her hands wincing at the bloody cuts her nails had left in her palms. They didn't hurt, but they might make cooking later a bit difficult. "Sorry...I was thinking about that friend of mine." She lied, turning her head to the side.
"If you say so...back to what I was saying, how I feel changes from day to day, sometimes multiple times a day. Today I feel like a guy, but I could feel like a girl tomorrow, or even somewhere in between the two." Haruka explained."I don't want to pry, but it looks like she's struggling with something."The racer mused to himself."Ireallyhope she isn't thinking about reporting me to the school."That would be a nightmare to say the least, and if his sponsors found out...he shuddered, he'd never be able to race again! "I hate to ask this..." He started, fiddling with the drawstrings on his sweatpants again. "but could you-"
"I'm not going to report you." His classmate interrupted firmly.
"Oh...not that I'm complaining about it, but why?"
The teal haired girl glanced at the blonde nervously, her eyes darting away almost as quick. "I...I'm only telling you because of...you know, what happened earlier-" She started, wringing her hands anxiously. "-since you told me, you know about yourself and all." She paused and took a deep breath before turning her face to look at her classmate fully. "I'm...kind of in a similar situation, sort of."
"What do you mean?" Haruka asked furrowing his brow in confusion.
"Well..."
"He did what to you?!" Haruka shrieked, his voice gaining a slightly higher pitch, looking over his classmate worriedly. "You're telling me your fiancé broke three of your ribs?! Are they okay?!"
"They're fine, they healed weeks ago." Michiru laughed awkwardly, rubbing the back of her neck. "But...well after that I figured I needed to figure a way out of that...situation."
"Situation my ass, what you have is a clusterfuck." The blonde muttered angrily. "Seriously, who the hell sets up an arranged marriage for their kid, let alone four?!"
"Three engagements and one psycho gymnast." The cursed girl corrected."She...they...no wait, he said he felt like a boy today so HE doesn't need to know about the curse, it's not going to affect him in any way after all. If I wasn't in hiding I'd try and get him some Jusenkyō water so he could change like I can...well that and getting a letter to the Jusenkyō Guide for a barrel of Nannīchuan water would probably set off a ton of alarm bells if Cologne heard about it. Just getting the Nyannīchuan for Hibari had been hard, had to ask Herb to send someone to gather and ship it."
The dragon prince (and sometimes princess) and her had actually started sending letters back and forth not long after their battle, though they'd stopped once she'd left for her escape. At first it was because of some Musk tradition having to do with finding an opponent outside of the tribe who could defeat it's members. Thankfully, not one like the Kisses of Death or Marriage. It was less...forceful. Essentially, by defeating the crown prince in a trial by combat Michiru had "proven her blood's strength and worth" and had basically been adopted into the royal family as a result to prevent her and Herb from killing each other the next time they met. Cologne had been particularly pleased with that since, as her future "son in law" that meant that the Musk and the Amazons would be allies through adoption and marriage.
Add that to the fact that Michiru had also gained Saffron's respect, however reluctantly the phoenix had given it, and it was clear just why the matriarch would never let her not marry Shampoo.
Either way, it wasn't like her "adoption" had given her any special perks, just the freedom to move about the Musk territory as she pleased and an absolute guarantee of protection should she choose to seek sanctuary. She'd even considered hiding out there for a while, but had quickly come to the realization that doing so would invite war between the Musk and the Joketsuzoku. She already had one person's blood on her hands, she was not about to ask people to die for her simply because she was being a coward.
"Still...how the hell did you enroll in our school under a false identity? If the school catches wind of this, you won't just be expelled, you'll be arrested!"
"Trust me, I know, but it was the only thing I could think of to give me enough time to try and figure a way out." She took a bite of her own fruit half taking a moment to savor the flavor before continuing. "I haven't made any progress so far, but it's not like I can just stay away forever."
"Wait...you're not actually thinking of goingbackare you?" The racer asked incredulously.
"Well...yes. I can't just run away from my problems forever." Seriously, what was it with these people? First Sasaki and now Tenoh, why were they reacting like this?
"There's a difference between running a way from a problem and escaping a bad situation, why in the hell would you evenwantto go back?!"
"I never said I wanted to go back-" Wait...since when did she not want to go back? Everyone she knew was there, sure there were some problems but Nerima wasn'tthatbad."Then again...both Sasaki-san and Tenoh-san got angry about what I've told them has happened there, could things really have been that bad? Things in Nerima couldn't have been-"
"Abusive." Haruka growled, unknowingly finishing the cursed girl's thoughts. "What you were dealing with over there could only be called abusive yet you're going back?! Your fiancé broke your ribs just because a creep of a guy was hanging off of you! And don't even get me started on that guy, what the hell kind of man just hangs off of a girl when she obviously doesn't like or want it?!"
"I mean...he did grow up in a secluded village deep in the mountains of China."
"That's no excuse, there is no reason for a guy to act like that, no matter how pretty she is!"
Crimson blossomed across her cheeks, her face and ears burning with a feeling that fluttered in her stomach like some kind of insect."Pretty? He thinks I'm pretty?"Why did that make her happy, she was a guy, being called a pretty girl by another guy wasnotsupposed to make her feel like this!
A matching crimson hue spread across her classmate's face as his own words registered to him. He turned his face away and cleared his throat, refusing to look at his classmate with all the stubbornness common to many teenagers. "A-anyway, Why do you need to figure a way out when you already have?"
The cursed girl tilted her head in a vaguely feline manner, looking at her classmate quizzically. "What do you mean? The whole point of getting away was to figure out a plan and I still don't have any idea what to do about that!"
"But youdidget away." The blonde pointed out. "Right now, no-one from your old town knows where you are except for your mom, right?"
"Thankfully even she doesn't know. She'd probably cut my head off right there and then even knowing that I've been wearing a girl's uniform, let alone a bra and...and..."Heat spread across her face once more, the color of her face changing to match that of a pomegranate. Oh gods, she wasn't wearing anything under this hoodie. She'd put her boxers she'd been wearing for a day as Takeo in between her jeans and the shirt she'd chosen for the day in the pile of wet clothes she was holding. She'd figured that the hoodie would be fine since it covered everything past her butt, probably belonging to a relative of Tenoh-san's going off of the university logo on the front and the fact it looked like it would be big even on him. The only reason she'd even taken off her underwear was because they were soaked and Tenoh insisted on her taking a shower, that and she hated wearing wet clothes. She thought they were just going to throw them in the dryer as soon as she got out of the shower but they'd got to talking and still hadn't done it yet! "R-right!" She squeaked out, realizing that her classmate was waiting for an answer. Her heart beat heavily in her chest like a battering ram against her ribs, could the blonde hear it? It was beating so loud! Wait, had the blonde seen...?
A fresh wave of heat spread across her entire body as she remembered what had happened but a few minutes ago, when both of them had been panicking after she'd touched his breasts by accident. Could he have seen what was between her-no the angle was all wrong, there's no way he could have seen it...right?
"Well, if no-one knows where you are, then you've successfully gotten away from it all, why go back and expose yourself to it all again?"
"EXPOSE MYSELF?!"Oh gods he did see, this was it this was how she was going to die, from sheer embarrassment...wait why did it matter if her classmate saw this body? It was just a fake body made by the curse...right?
"I mean, it just doesn't make sense for you to put yourself through...Kaioh-san, are you listening?"
"Huh...?" She paused, thinking back on what the blonde had said, furrowing her browns in thought. "Oh, about going back...I mean I have to at some point, right?"
"Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why do you have to go back? If the people back there treated you like that, like you were just some possession or prize to win, then why would you want to go back?"
What...? She had to go back, honor demanded she try and solve this issue, it was her fault that everything got to this point right? It was her responsibility...wasn't it? "...I...It's a matter of family honor, I have to-"
"-be a trophy wife to some guy who cares more about what he wants than what you do?!" Haruka snapped, interrupting the teal haired girl. "What about the people here who care about you?"
"People who-I've only been here a few days!"
"And? Do you honestly think that no-one will start to care about you in the time you spend in this district, in our school?! What about Sasaki-san or the other girls on the swim team? Do you really believe that notoneof them will want to be friends with you over the time you're at our school?!"
Michiru turned her head away, twinges of guilt clawing at her stomach. "I...I wasn't going to, the plan was to not...get close to anyone."
"...why would you put yourself through that? Aren't you lonely living that way?"
This was getting to be too much, her heart and head throbbed with...some feeling she couldn't put into words. First it was Sasaki, then Tenoh, both of these girls had been bringing up things she didn'twantpointed out, didn't want to even think about! The inside of her upper arm itched as the overwhelming emotions grew even stronger. She felt her hand twitching, like it yearned to hold something in it's grasp, something sharp.
Something she could use to cut.
She grit her teeth, forcing herself to recall the promise, the oath she had given Konatsu, that she wouldn't do that anymore. Not even if the thought of the quiet in her mind that came after each cut sounded like the best thing in the world at the moment. She knew that it was unhealthy and a reflection of her poor mental health, but she couldn't help feeling that craving, that all consuming need for silence and peace in her own head, even for a moment.
"Look...I can't tell you what to do one way or the other, it's your life, your choice." He reached out his hand and carefully placed two fingers on her chin, turning her head to look him in the eye with a gentleness that sent shivers down the cursed girl's spine. "But no-one deserves to be treated the way you were, everyone deserves to be happy...you deserve to be happy."
"I, I'm happy...really, it's not that bad." She said, her lips trembling, her throat tightening from her emotions.
The blonde smiled, sorrow reflected in his eyes as he moved his hand from her chin. "Then why are you crying?" He asked, wiping away one of the teal haired girl's tears that had started to fall.
"Crying?" She lifted her hand to her cheek, pulling it away when she felt wet streaks falling down her face. "I...I..."
"It's okay to cry, you know." The blonde said, wiping away another tear. "It's okay to feel things, even sadness."
"It's okay...to cry?"An overwhelming sadness burst from within her filling her head to toe until she could take it no more. A sob tore from her throat as a fresh wave of tears fell. Why? Why couldn't the people who were supposed to care about her just let her be happy? Why did they put so much on her, she was still just a teenager! Absently she felt her classmate's arms wrap around her and could not summon the strength to even attempt to break his hold on her.
"I've got you, you don't have to hold it back any longer." He murmured softly, gently rubbing her back as her tears soaked the shoulder of his hoodie. "I'm not going anywhere."
She screamed wordlessly from the pain in her heart, of wounds inflicted on her that had never healed, never even begun to heal. Tears continued to fall, only to be absorbed by her classmate's hoodie. There they remained for what felt like hours to the cursed girl until finally she pulled away, wiping off the last of her tears with the sleeve of the hoodie she wore. "Sorry...I got your hoodie wet." She mumbled.
Haruka shook her head, having felt herself switch to a her during her classmate's cry. "It's all right, there's nothing to apologize for."
"Still...sorry, Tenoh-san."
The blonde laughed and waved her hand giving the teal haired girl a gentle smile. "I think after all that you can call me Haruka."
Michiru sniffled, once more filling her nose with the scent of petrichor and apples that belonged to the blonde. before nodding. She felt...strangely floaty, like something that had been weighing her down wasn't as heavy any more. "R...Michiru." She said, almost giving away her real name.
"Michiru then." The blonde said. "It's nice to actually know your name, I was afraid I was gonna have to come up with a nickname for you."
The teal haired girl took a deep breath to center herself, trying to pull away from the storm of emotions that still raged within her. "That reminds me...why did you call me "little pearl", you know the first time we met?"
The blonde laughed sheepishly, a small flush working it's way across her cheek. "Right, that. It's because...well you reminded me of my old friend, you know the one I told you about? We used to call her that all the time to tease her since she was the shortest of the five of us."
Michiru nodded to show she understood before frowning. "Wait...little makes sense if you put it like that, but pearl?"
"Well...it's kind of a long story."
"I'm not going anywhere until my clothes are dry." Michiru said, holding up her soaked clothes.
"Shit, we never put those in the...alright, I'll tell you while they're drying." She quickly took the offered clothes and put them into the dryer, turning it on quickly. "Right...so first thing you need to understand is that while we called her Kasumi, that wasn't the name she was born with." The racer started, sitting on her couch and gesturing for the teal haired girl to do the same.
"What was her real name then?"
"Not important, she hated it." Haruka said firmly, cutting off that line of questioning. "Anyway, after we became friends I wanted to show her something of my mom's, it was a Kushi, a comb headpiece my grandfather had had made for my grandmother."
"I get it, it had pearls on it, didn't it?"
"Yup, Kasumi pearls to be exact, she loved the name so much, she insisted we all call her "Kasumi" instead of her real name." The blonde chuckled. "She'd always get upset at the youngest of our group because he stubbornly refused to call her by that name."
Michiru nodded and yawned, the events of the day catching up on her, as well as her sobbing session just a couple minutes ago.
Seeing her classmate's yawn Haruka grinned and stood up again. "Wait here, I'll get out the guest futon." He said. "After that, try to get some sleep. My dryer takes a while, your clothes probably won't be done till the morning."
Michiru was about to argue about it but froze and chuckled lightly to herself."This must have been how Sasaki-san felt last night."she mused, shaking her head. "Alright, try to get some rest yourself."
She laid down on the futon her classmate had let her use and closed her eyes, curling up on herself just slightly. The events of the last few days swirled around her mind like a chaotic maelstrom. She flushed, remembering what the blonde had called her not too long ago."Pretty...he said I was pretty."Butterflies fluttered in her stomach, a pleasant warmth spreading across her body as she let out a small giggle. It felt...good, being called pretty by Tenoh. The others in Nerima had called her handsome, sexy and a few other words that never seemed to fit her right, especially from the boys in her old class who just wanted to perv on her. But when Tenoh...when Haruka had said it, it felt different, pure somehow."Maybe, if it feels like this...maybe being a girl would be okay..."She sleepily thought, moments before she closed her eyes and fell asleep.
-Hall of Memories, Chamber of Tiamat-
She sat upon her ancient throne, a carbon copy of the one she had ruled from eons ago, resting her face upon her fist. It was a habit she had formed in her youth that had stuck with her, even after all these years when many others she had grown out of. Slow, even breaths left her lips as she slumbered within the mind of her daughter's newest incarnation.
A sound broke the near silence of the chamber, stirring Tiamat from her rest. Slowly, like the sun peeking out from the horizon, she opened her eyes, yawning widely in a manner unbefitting of a ruler. Once more the sound resounded across the chamber, like ice cracking underfoot. She frowned, there was no ice in the chamber, the only things in the room aside from her were, the pillars, her throne and spear, and the-
Her head shot up, lips just barely parting at what she saw above her head.
There floating above the room as it had done for the past decade was the crystal and it's occupant. Unyielding, unbreakable diamond had both protected and imprisoned the child within for ten years without change.
That was no longer the case.
The Crystal had changed, it's surface marred with hundreds of cracks, both small and large, like a giant had tried to crush it between it's palms. She knew, beyond the myriad imperfections that now covered the crystal, that the child still resided in her prison, but something had not only changed with the prison, but with the prisoner as well. What was it? What had changed? She looked at the crystal intently, seeking the answer with wild eyes darting all over the crystal. Something moved within, the normally visible center hidden by mist that slowly seeped out of the cracks with a light hissing sound. She placed her hand on the crystal's surface, and inhaled sharply when a small hand pressed against the crystal from the other side, their hands kept apart by a layer no thicker than parchment. Slowly a face appeared from the mist, pressing their forehead against the prison's walls, excitement lighting up their eyes from within. For the first time in ten years the unbreakable prison of denial had been cracked. For the first time in ten years the child within had opened her eyes.
For the first time in ten years, Saotome Kasumi was awake.