The first time Castiel breaks the rules, he isn't even supposed to be on Earth. He isn't supposed to leave Heaven at all. No one is. Not yet.
But he's never been one to follow rules, and after all he's heard and seen… Sam and Dean Winchester cannot die, that's a fact he's come to understand.
He knows there are plans, but he can't stand and watch said plans unfold. It just makes no sense. Why would Heaven let the demons get what they want? Why would they let Lucifer out at all?
And with that thought in mind he ends up in that forsaken town where the demons are entertaining themselves with their candidates for Lucifer's vessel. Which is yet another senseless thing. Sam Winchester is the one and only perfect vessel for Lucifer.
He watches the last moments unfold, he's much too late, innocents have died, but sneaking out of Heaven had been a whole lot more difficult than anticipated. Much too difficult.
Yet, he arrives just in time to speed through the ethereal plane and glitch into the world, right between Sam Winchester and Jake Talley, catching the man's wrist easily and snapping the bone, forcing this one to drop the knife and take several steps back, putting distance between him and the youngest Winchester who stumbles back in surprise, Jake's pained shout echoing through the air.
"I'm afraid I cannot allow that." He drawls out, Jake Talley drops on his knees, groaning and grunting in pain. Breath shuddering as he tries and fails to break his arm free.
But while he might be strong, he's no match for an angel.
"What the hell are you?" He asks through gritted teeth, a hint of fear in his voice. Castiel ignores him as he reaches out, pressing his hand against Jake's face.
"Forget." He whispers, and just like that, Jake Talley collapses bonelessly on the ground. He might not be able to take his abilities away.
But he can make him forget all about Azazel, demons and all in between. Even what happened in this town. He can hide him from demons and angels alike.
What he did is unchangeable. But Castiel won't kill a human, he won't make judgement upon him. It's not his place.
He hears a gun click and he turns his head, just enough to glance over his shoulder. Dean Winchester and Bobby Singer are pointing at him with guns, Sam Winchester is safe, bloody, but safe.
"The hell are you?" Dean Winchester demands, he seems tense, Castiel doesn't answer.
He doesn't need to stay here any longer.
And with that last thought, he disappeared.
The last thing he heard was a string of profanities being thrown at him by the oldest Winchester.
That's to be Michael's vessel?
~
Trench coat dude, as dubbed by Dean. Kept appearing after that incident where Sam almost got killed. He kept saving their ass over and over and over again. Never hanging around long enough to chat. He never introduces himself either, never speaks at all.
He leaves as quick as he appears.
His presence alone is enough to send Dean up the walls. Because no one just saves someone, not without a good reason. Even less obviously a non-human thing. Non-human things didn't just save hunters for shits and giggles. And if they did, it would certainly not be them.
Then the fucking angels appear, Uriel who seems to have a stick so far up his ass Dean is amazed the angel doesn't have a tree growing out of his mouth. There's also Zachariah who just loves messing with Dean's mind and throwing him in the weirdest situations, hallucinations, alternate lives, time travel. He fucking hates that guy.
Sam and Dean are quick to develop a burning hatred for the feathered pricks. Odd enough, the Trench coat dude's appearances lessen, though he keeps saving their asses, he never appears when the angels are involved directly.
Though he did tell Dean how to make Lilith leave Sam. Had refused to help but did tell him to get Chuck in the room since had an archangel tied to him.
And he also did appear when the brothers found out about Gabriel, the archangel had taken the trenchcoat dude with him after the trenchcoat dude failed to save them twice, which Dean had demanded to have back, they might not know who he was but it just felt wrong to let an archangel have him when he had most likely just wanted to help them.
Gabriel had been quite adamant about giving him back for some weird reason though.
He had given him back, and as bewildered as the trenchcoat dude had been, he had disappeared within seconds which had elicited a bizarre fit of laughter from Gabriel.
Their stranger kept saving them after that, appearing and disappearing whenever he pleases without a single word. Saving them from all kinds of monsters, tricks and whatnot.
With time, the brothers hate to admit that he sort of grows on them. Even if the mistrust is still there. Deep and unwavering.
Meanwhile, Castiel wished he could tell the Winchesters who he is, nothing is stopping him now, after he saved Sam in that forsaken town he had sealed his fate. He had been cut off from Heaven.
But it's too late now, for the brothers had made up their minds about angels, he knows he won't be trusted, well, even less than now. Plus, it's not like they need to know who he is. His job is to protect those who protect others, those who will stop Lucifer and Michael from destroying all life on Earth in their squabble.
Someone needs to protect them, and he is more than happy to be that someone.
He is ashamed to admit he spies on them, he hangs around them, it's how he saves them so quickly. It's how he learns about their relationship with Bobby Singer and Jo and Ellen Harvelle.
He got attached.
It's how he ends up committing a fatal mistake.
He manages to escape the ring of holy fire unscathed, but he doesn't escape unscathed from the explosion of the store. Or well, that's not what injures him, the hellhound that tore into his side did. He had been so focused on getting to Jo and Ellen Harvelle that he completely missed the hellhound.
But that's of no matter, because Jo Harvelle is still alive, and so he heals her, using his own feathers to do so since his grace hasn't been helpful to heal others ever since he fell. Ignoring Ellen's threats which die down the second she sees her daughter's skin knitting itself back together.
He can feel the ripples through the ethereal plane. Death has been woken. He needed to find the Winchesters, he needed to take them all as far from this place as possible.
If his vision would just stop swimming.
He grabs Jo and Ellen Harvelle, giving the older woman no time to protest as he teleports them right behind Sam and Dean, he also snatches them without warning. He has to take them away while he still can.
He crashes into Bobby Singer's yard, missing the house by a lot. But he can't focus, the fire spreading inside him threatens to melt his grace down, forcing him on his knees as he clutches his side. Balthazar had certainly not been lying when he said a Hellhound's bite could completely wreck you.
Someone is talking, but the world is muddled and he can't for the life of him focus on anything past the burning fire. He can feel Jimmy screaming something somewhere at the back of his head. But he can't focus.
He can't focus at all.
Darkness engulfs him, the last thing he feels are arms catching him.
~
Sam and Dean never expected to end up staring at the Trench coat dude for longer than a minute.
Nor to see Ellen and Jo again. Alive.
Dean and Sam had ended up dragging him to Bobby's panic room after he passed out in the junkyard.
"Sam." Dean snapped when he caught sight of his brother reaching out towards Trench coat dude's shirt. The side soaking in blood.
"You can't expect me to just ignore the fact that he's hurt. He's saved our asses over a dozen times." Sam stated, unable to believe Dean was serious. "He saved Ellen and Jo, Dean. I'm not letting him bleed out." He leaves no room for argument, and his last remark seems to be enough to make his brother's resolve waver.
"Fine." Dean gives in, irritated, but Sam is also right, whatever this thing's reasoning is to help them, Jo and Ellen are alive. They are alive.
He guesses fixing up his wound was fair.
Or that's what he thinks until he brings the first aid kit and Sam removes the shirt.
Skin torn apart by definitely a hellhound aside, there was a very familiar glow oozing out.
Grace.
Angel.
"Fuck no." He exclaims as he manages to snap out of the initial shock.
"Dean-"
"Dude, I am not helping a fucking angel."
"That's an angel?" Ellen's unexpected voice cut them both off, making them turn to look at the woman as she stepped into the panic room.
"How's Jo?"
"She's… fine. The wound on her stomach is gone, not even a scar…" Ellen said as she approached the bed slowly, her eyes on the… angel… because apparently angels are real. That's a fact she still couldn't wrap her head around.
Having one infront of her doesn't make it any easier to process.
An angel saved her and Jo. An angel healed her daughter. She almost wants to laugh.
"Did a hellhound do that?" She asks as she notices the clear bite on his side, skin torn apart and blood gushing out. A soft, blue glow leaking from it, mixing amongst the blood like some sort of bizarre sci-fi effect.
"I think so." Sam answered, snapping back to the present and quickly snatching the first aid kit from Dean, he didn't care what his brother said. Angel or not, this guy had saved them many times, saved Ellen and Jo. He couldn't just sit back and let him die.
Who the hell does that?
Thus, he cleans the wound with holy water, he has no idea if what he's doing will help at all. The fact that the angel had passed out from a bite like this left it quite clear that maybe angels and hellhound's bites didn't mix.
Which would make sense in an odd way.
He stitched it up, doing his damn best to ignore the blue light, which felt like many tiny needles digging into his skin whenever it touched him.
Ever since he appeared, Sam had had several theories on what he might be. A demi-god who seemed to entertain himself by saving them for whatever reason, like how Gabriel enjoyed messing with them (before they found out he was an archangel), or a demon who might have ulterior motives…
He never even entertained the idea of him being an angel.
Which made no sense at all. Sam hasn't met a single angel that's not after them over the whole Michael and Lucifer debacle. What did he gain from this? Was it some sort of plan to get them to let their guard down? What?
Still, whatever it was. He couldn't just let him bleed out, it didn't feel right, not after all he's done for them.
He stares at him for a moment once he's finished with the stitches, looking at him now, it should have been obvious that he was an angel. He wore the same suit all angels did, I mean, sure, he also wore a Trench coat. But it should have been obvious, the inhuman strength, the teleportation, the healing, the imposing presence.
It had all been there.
It also explains Gabriel's weird reaction. He had known he was an angel.
It confuses him though, what reason would he then have to avoid angels? Wasn't he one of them too?
He's pulled out of his thoughts as Dean leans over, patting the angel's arms down.
"What are you-?"
"Bingo." Dean cuts off as he stops on the right arm, and soon enough, he's pulling something from under the angel's sleeve.
An angel blade.
It glimmers beneath the light.
He gives his brother a look.
"Don't look at me like that. I'm not leaving him armed."
"Of course, because it's not like he has super strength or the voice to burst our brains." Sam deadpans, missing his blade won't stop the angel from killing them if he so desires to.
But Sam has a feeling he won't. He's saved them enough times to have left clear that their deaths aren't something he would take a hand into.
"This place is warded against angels."
"Not enough to depower them. We know nothing about them Dean." Sam felt the need to remind him. All they had on how to deal with them was holy oil thanks to Anna's comment. And the banishing sigil.
"Didn't Anna use one of these to kill Uriel?"
"You can't seriously be thinking about killing him." Ellen interjected, she knows there's story between Sam, Dean and the angels.
But this one had saved her daughter, for what reasons? She did not know. He had also brought them here, and was unconscious, and hurt. It didn't settle right with her to just kill him now.
"Well-"
"Dean, you are not killing him." Sam cut off, voice hard, sure, he had his doubts, but killing him without giving him a chance to speak after all he's done for them felt wrong. It just did.
Dean held his gaze for a full minute before scoffing.
"Fine, but we are going to make a circle of holy oil around the bed and a banishing sigil by the door, I'm not taking any chances. And I'm keeping the blade."
"That's fine by me."
~
Castiel woke up to a muddled world, it hurt to breathe, he didn't even need to breathe. He felt hot and his side throbbed, he groaned as he curled into himself, wings wrapping around himself and fingers clutching his side. There's something covering the wound, but he can't be sure of what it might be.
He wishes Balthazar was here. Or Gabriel. But one of them is dead and the other one… well, last he spoke with him let him know his brother might not be all that inclined to help him.
He remembers when Balthazar got bit by a hellhound, he had been delirious for a few days even with the help of the Rit Zien. He wonders if he's been like that. He doesn't even know where he is, last he remembers was Carthage… Death… Lucifer… the Colt…
His head hurts.
He groans again as he forces himself to sit up, wings shifting behind him, it's not until he's sitting that he notices he's missing his suit jacket, his shirt, and his trenchcoat, and his blade is gone.
It's enough to make some focus snap up, that's when he realizes where he is. He's in some sort of room with tons of wards, Bobby Singer's panic room.
"You are awake." His head turns in time to see Sam Winchester stand up from where he had been sitting, he seems apologetic, what for?
He gets his answer when the man pulls out a lighter, and before Castiel can even process that, he drops it, flames roar to life, surrounding him and the bed where he sits. The circle, thank Father, is big enough to not make him have to wrap his wings around himself to protect them as he had done with Lucifer's holy fire ring.
"Sorry about that, it's just a precaution." Castiel narrows his eyes at the youngest Winchester, yet, he says nothing.
He watches him pull out his phone, presumably to call Dean.
"He's awake." Is all Sam speaks into the phone before flipping it shut.
Castiel stares at the Winchester, making this one shift uncomfortably.
"How are you feeling? You were out for a whole day."
That caught Castiel off guard. A whole day? Just one? That couldn't be. This wound should have left him out of it for longer than that.
Yet, before he can ask, the door bursts open and Dean steps in.
He catches sight of his blade on Dean's hand.
"That's mine." He blurts out, frowning. His voice sounds odd, he still feels weird, but much better than he knows he should. His grace feels completely and utterly exhausted though.
"Well, it's mine now." Castiel makes a face, what? That's not his.
"We will give it back. We just have some questions for you." Sam is quick to assure, giving Dean a look when his brother opens his mouth to protest. They need to play nice if they want answers.
"Questions..?" Castiel can't say he didn't see it coming.
"Yes, like, what's your name?"
"Or why the hell have you been following us for months, almost two years now?" Dean asks, ignoring Sam's look, he doesn't care if Sam wants to be all nice, he isn't stupid, angels don't do shit from the goodness of their heart. He's learnt that by now.
So, what the hell does this guy want?
The angel makes a face, he seems like he wants to say something, yet thinks better of it.
"My name is Castiel."
The two hunters blink, having not expected him to actually answer.
"I haven't been following you, I have better things to do than stick by your side."
Lies. He has nothing else to do. But they don't need to know that.
"I don't have any ulterior motives or want something from you, I just thought someone should keep you alive since you are the only ones who can defeat Lucifer and make sure Michael doesn't do something stupid. I'm… I'm not with the other angels if that makes you feel better."
Which hurts to remember. But Castiel can't change the past, he doesn't want to. Because everyone had been so ready to destroy everything their Father made. Humans didn't deserve to pay for his brothers and sisters' attempts at drawing God out.
This world was so beautiful, he's seen it these past two years. There was evil, sure, but there was also so much kindness and compassion… he didn't want humans to be annihilated in his siblings' squabble.
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"... I have been cut off from Heaven for a while now." Castiel hates speaking that out loud, it still hurts, but he has a feeling he won't be allowed out of this circle until he's given them enough information to put them at ease.
Enough to make them understand he's no threat.
"Cut off as in…?"
"Fallen."
That statement engulfed the room in silence. The hunters sharing looks, the angel, Castiel's expression seemed truthful enough.
Yet, Dean wasn't about to just believe him.
"And what does an angel do to fall? Isn't that what happened to Lucifer too?"
Castiel scowled at the comparison, for a moment, burning anger swirled in his chest, lightbulbs above flickering and fingers curling into fists. He rebelled for this?
"I am not Lucifer." He snaps, voice laced with the ring of his true voice, walls reverberating.
A lightbulb burst somewhere, making the hunters flinch, and for a moment, it seemed as if the brothers had remembered just what he was.
"Alright, he didn't mean it like that. We are sorry." Sam is quick to interject, holding his hands up in hopes to calm the angel before something else breaks. Leave it to Dean to compare someone to Lucifer.
His words at least get the lights to stop flickering and the angel's eyes stop glowing. Which he checks as a good sign.
"I just, I mean, we are just curious. You can't blame us for asking."
Castiel makes a face at Sam's words.
And then.
"I fell because I ruined their plans. That night in South Dakota, Sam Winchester was supposed to die, the angels knew that in his death Dean wouldn't have hesitated to make a deal to bring him back to life."
Dean's face told Castiel the angels' had been right on their assumptions.
"Sam would have come back and Dean would have ended up in Hell in less than a year. As Dean stayed in Hell, Sam would have been coaxed by the demon Ruby into drinking demon blood and killing many demons using this method. Four months after Dean's death I would have been ordered to pull him out of Hell."
No one said a word after Castiel finished talking, what he said… Sam had been meant to die that night. He had almost died, he could have died, Jake had been much faster than them, if he hadn't stopped him…
"Why did you do it?" Sam found himself asking, somewhere between confused and disbelieving, voice a bit shaky. Why would an angel of all things save him? The angels have left quite clear their disgust and dislike of him.
And he wouldn't say it didn't sting. He had always wanted to meet an angel, to have them calling him "the boy with the demon blood" had been a low blow.
So why would this one just save him?
"I heard them talking, they didn't have any intention to stop the Apocalypse, they wanted it to happen… I… I couldn't let it happen. Humans don't deserve to get caught in the middle of their senseless dispute. Many innocents have been killed because of them already."
"Don't give me that innocent crap. Aren't you wearing a poor bastard right now?" Dean accuses, he isn't buying this shit for a second.
"Jimmy Novak and I have a deal in place, he helps me for as long as I need it and I keep his family safe."
"Safe from what?"
"... Demons. Even if I hadn't possessed him he would have been targeted, demons have been chasing after potential vessels and their families. If there's no vessel, angels can't stop them. I make sure the demons can't find them."
Sure, at first things hadn't gone according to plan, and Claire and Amelia almost did die. But Castiel had chosen to make things right, he dragged the Novaks into this, it wasn't fair for them to suffer because of him.
It wasn't how things had been meant to go.
Thus, he branded their ribs to hide them from angels, Amelia got an anti-possession tattoo and Claire had an anti-possession necklace since she was still far too young to get a tattoo. Jimmy got to speak to them too, and while things weren't particularly great, at least they were now safer than when he first took Jimmy.
And both also knew to pray to him if something ever happened.
"I still don't buy it."
Dean spoke after a beat of silence.
"Dean."
"Come on Sam, don't tell me you are seriously buying that? Angels don't do shit from the goodness of their heart. They do things that benefit them and their whole paradise on Earth bullshit." Castiel sighed, of course Dean wouldn't believe him that easily. Why was he surprised?
But he didn't have the strength to keep arguing, he felt sick and dizzy, so he just laid back down, turning around and giving them his back. He didn't like it, but if he did it it might give them a reason to believe him. Trust was a two way street. That's what Jimmy said.
If he showed them he trusted them enough to give them his back while injured, it might help.
"I'm not done talking." Dean said, sounding insulted.
"I am. You won't believe me regardless of what I say, why keep talking then? You have already made up your mind about me."
Silence is what met him.
Meanwhile, Dean scowled and took a step forward, yet, Sam grabbed him, stopping him and giving him a look.
Sam dragged Dean out of the room and upstairs.
"What are you doing? We can't kill him."
"Why not?"
Sam doesn't answer, but he doesn't need to, his expression gives Dean the answer.
"You can't be serious. You telling me you believe him?"
"Dean, if he wanted us dead. He would just not save us. He saved Ellen and Jo. He saved me that night, he's saved us over a dozen times. If what he said is true, wouldn't it be better to have him on our side?" Sam didn't want to kill the angel, it just didn't feel right. He wasn't sure of the reason, but he believed him.
To have an angel on their side could give them tons of advantages. And Sam wasn't about to lie, it also sounded exciting.
Dean for his side scowled, Sam did have a point, even if he hated to admit it. But he still didn't trust that feathered prick. Angels were bad news.
"You don't have to trust him. But trust me, I know this can be good, having an angel on our side could be helpful. Think about it." Sam chose to go for what he knew might pick his brother's interest.
Dean scowled even more. Yet, he ended up sighing in defeat.
"Fine, but I'm not giving him the blade back."
"Alright."
~
Castiel felt a bit out of place as he stood in the middle of Bobby Singer's living room wearing one of Dean's shirts, since his grace wasn't exactly cooperating right now enough to let him restore his clothes.
He had been allowed out of the panic room, though Dean still had his angel blade and refused to give it back. Castiel tried to not let it bother him, he knows the oldest Winchester won't kill him, or at least he hopes he won't. Dying once was enough and he doesn't know if his father will resurrect him a second time.
"Castiel, right?" The sudden voice catches his attention, making him turn to look at Jo Harvelle, she's holding her hand out and it takes him a moment to remember humans shake each other's hands, Gabriel once told him some humans did it as greeting, others as a sign of 'I mean no harm' and some others as a sign of respect.
He takes the hand, somewhat hesitant. He hasn't interacted with humans in centuries, he isn't 100% sure what to expect or do. Humans change a lot, their culture, their customs, their beliefs, even their languages.
Jo shakes his hand and he is unable to not find the gesture curious, tilting his head to the side for a fleeting moment.
"I heard you were the one who saved us, my mother and I. I… thank you." He got the impression she was thanking more for the fact that he saved her mother than because he saved her.
Loyalty… familial loyalty was always such a striking thing to see among humans.
"You didn't deserve to die." Is all he can think of, he wonders if the choice of words was wrong for he gets an odd look.
"Damn well she didn't. Neither of them." Dean states as he walks into the room, Ellen, Sam and Bobby right behind him. "Say, the Colt didn't work on Lucifer, is there something that might actually work on him?" Dean questions as he leans against the wall as far from him as possible. Ellen sits on the couch with Jo and Sam takes a seat on the armrest. Bobby stays by the doorframe.
Castiel feels oddly caged.
He isn't. He can fly away if he wants.
"I'm not sure… Lucifer's… strong." Overwhelmingly so, even with a broken vessel his presence had been crushing. "Killing him… no one but another archangel can do that."
"What about Gabriel? You think he would-"
"He won't. Gabriel's never liked to get involved in conflicts regarding our siblings." Castiel can understand that, at times, he wishes he could just turn his back on this all, have Gabriel's courage and just quit it all if it means not having to fight and kill his siblings.
But he can't.
Because if he did, he would be giving his back to mankind, he would be abandoning them as He had done. He won't do that.
"What about trapping him? Or sealing him off? Wasn't he in a cage? That means he can be like, sealed off or something, right?" Jo suggests, and why is everyone looking at her like that? That should have been a bit obvious right? If there was a cage, it meant he could be locked back again.
"I guess, his cage is still there, though I'm not sure how it would be locked or how we would even get him to step in it."
"How was it locked the first time?" Ellen questions, Castiel shrugs.
"I don't know, the specifics of his imprisonment weren't spoken of much." And Castiel has never been told much about lots of things, in the past, he never saw an issue with it, he just knew what he needed to know. If he didn't know something it was because he didn't need to know it.
But now… now he realizes how much had been kept from him. Even now, he didn't know a lot of things, at times, he found himself noticing blank spots in his memories, too many things missing. He tried to not give it mind, tried to not focus much on that.
"But you were there, right? I mean, I know Michael fought him, but technically all of Heaven saw his fall, right?"
Bobby's words made Castiel frown, he does have a point, Castiel remembers the world before humans came to be, before the first fish even left the sea, meaning he had been there to see Lucifer's fall.
Just that he didn't quite remember it, those memories were a blur he couldn't quite grasp, but it did make his back ache and made him shudder inadvertently. He does remember the Rit Zien and Balthazar shouting at someone.
Lucifer's fall wasn't something he liked to think about. He might not remember much, but he remembers enough to not want to relive that nightmare.
"I wasn't in Heaven at the time." Not a lie, he had been fighting for his life in what humans would call a ditch, for what Balthazar said, thanks to Astaroth. One of the many who chose to fall with Lucifer. "Gabriel might know how to lock the cage."
"You think he will be willing to tell us? He didn't seem inclined to help us last we spoke." Or like joining a side, he had left that more than clear.
"I will speak to him."
"You? No offense, but you didn't exactly fare that great last time." Dean reminds.
"I don't intend to fight him. I will just speak to him."
"And what makes you think he will listen and won't just throw you wherever he threw you last time?"
"He won't, I didn't know it was him, and when I did, he didn't allow me to speak. I can do so now, so all I have to do is, as you humans would say, 'guilt trip' him and he won't run off or send me away." Sure, Castiel wasn't sure if that would still work on him, but it didn't hurt to try.
Was a bit humiliating, but if it helped stop Lucifer, then so be it.
The hunters gave him several confused looks, but no one tried to ask, which good, he wasn't about to tell them about that. It was bad enough that other angels could see it. He didn't need humans knowing of it too.
"Alright, if you think you can get something from him, let's work with that."