The Price of Pain
Chapter 20: Taking Your First Step
Content warning: Graphic depiction of infant murder. Please skip from this sign # to # if you don't want to read it.
"Mommy? Where's mommy?"
Small hands pushed past a sea of people, taller men and women too difficult to physically move through. She was engulfed in a scramble, horrible wails of crying, screams of anguish. Angry and grieving figures rushed past her in a desperate scramble. Someone stomped on her foot, and she knelt down with a cry holding her bleeding toe as she was pushed from behind. She was too small to move them, they were closing in, too tight, too frantic. She scrambled up in a panic as the crowd moved her as if it had a mind of her own, and as she struggled forward now too scared to worry about the pain in her toe, she eventually managed to stumble onto something wet and cold.
Cold cloudy eyes stared at her blankly, unblinking as she fell onto their stomach. Ami scrambled up to her feet, apologising only to be received with the same cold unmoving gaze. Someone grabbed her collar, hoisting her up, and Ami blinked in confusion. When people slept, they usually closed their eyes. Then she turned to whoever it was that had picked her up and brightened as she noticed the headband he was wearing. It was the same one as her mommy's.
"What are you doing here kid? You want to end up like that?" he asked, pointing at the sleeping figures.
"I-I'm trying to find mommy," she said, wiping her tears.
"She ain't come back home, huh?" he asked her.
Ami shook her head. Her mother hadn't come back home. Ami had marked the day she'd come back on the calendar because her mommy had told her she'd be back by then, and at latest, the next week after that. She'd left Ami a bag of coins and told her to pay one of them to a caretaker every day until she'd be back. Except mommy hadn't come back, there were no more coins in the bag, and there was no caretaker to feed Yushiro and herself. Ami was too small to reach the higher shelves and she'd begun to get hungry after 2 days of not eating. Yushiro wouldn't stop crying, and no matter who she asked to help her reach the counter, they all shut their doors on her, giving her irritated glances. Ami didn't know what she was doing wrong. She said please and thank you like she was taught but they kept calling her mean names.
"How old are you, kid?" the man asked her.
She held up all the fingers in one hand. Technically, she was still four, but Ami had only one more page off the calendar to become five. The man nodded but didn't say anything else as he turned back to the sleeping people. Ami was confused. There was a crowd around them, people crying, and others dead-eyed as they picked through them. Some of them were really hurt, and no one was putting bandages on them, which was really mean of them to do.
"That there is the dead we bought back. We let them sit outside for a day or two with a stasis seal so that family can identify them, especially if they've been burnt too much or too crushed to identify ourselves."
"Mommy is there?" she asked.
"She most likely is kid. What's she look like?" he asked her.
"Brown hair, and yellow eyes. Mommy's eyes look like sunflowers," she said smiling shyly.
The man did not smile back, but he was helpful, so Ami said thank you like she was taught to. He helped her look through the sleeping people, and Ami was beginning to worry. Some of them were missing hands and feet, one person even had a hole through their head, and a lot of them smelt like smoke and fried meat. Then she caught a familiar red ribbon and Ami pointed in excitement.
"I think I see mommy," she said, jumping out of the man's arms as she ran up to her sleeping mother.
After pushing past a few other people who were also stepping over the sleeping people, she went to her mother's side. Ami frowned as she realised one side of her mother's face was burnt really badly, and she couldn't even see her eyes in her socket. Ami smiled worriedly as she nudged her mother.
"Mommy, wake up. Yushiro is crying a lot. I will make us dashi broth and rice, but you just gotta reach the cupboard for me," she said, shaking her mother.
Her mother didn't move. Ami kept shaking her, her stomach tumbled with growing dread as she turned her mother to face her. Once bright yellow eyes were dull now, unblinking—wrong. Ami was confused. Why wasn't her mommy waking up. Her eyes were open.
"M-Mommy? Mommy please wake up."
"She's dead, kid," the man who had picked her up earlier said. "Fumiko, right? I think I knew her. Went on a mission with her once."
Ami nodded. "I don't understand. Is she too hurt to wake up?"
"She's not going to wake up kid."
"Why?"
"Najiro, stop playing around with the kid! You need to report to the missions office soon," another man said, catching her helper off guard.
He scowled and then picked her up by the scruff of her shirt. Ami yelped, and tried to scramble back to her mother. She needed to wake her up. Yushiro wouldn't stop crying until mommy woke up.
"Put me down! I need to wake mommy up," she said.
She kicked and shoved but the man didn't even flinch. He held her tightly as he just left her mother there unbandaged and asleep. Ami needed to help her mommy. Why couldn't this man understand?
"Someone will come back for her body. Your Academy teacher or family member should help with the funeral. Don't worry, Iwa honours its dead."
"I don't understand."
The man looked at her as if she were stupid. Ami flushed, feeling ashamed of her shortcomings. She was in pain, scared, and overstimulated by the crowd. She just wanted her mommy to wake up. Why couldn't he understand?
"You said you needed to feed your brother. Where is he?" he asked.
"At home. I can show you if you promise to take me back to mommy," she said.
"Sure, whatever kid."
Ami pointed the stranger to her house. She could finally eat food again and Yushiro would stop crying. He was getting really stinky too and she didn't know how to clean him properly. All the nappies they used were dirty now and no matter how much she washed them, they weren't clean the way her mother or the help did it. They entered her small house and Ami pointed the man to her brother.
"There's no one else living here?" the man asked.
Ami shook her head. "Mommy said daddy was dead too, that he was sleeping… I don't know what that means, but he hasn't come back in a long time. And Mommy left me some coins, but I've used them all."
Ami was beginning to cry as it hit her. Her daddy was dead, and he hadn't come back. The man had said her mommy was dead too so that meant she'd never wake up? Is that why she couldn't come back? Ami didn't know what to do. She couldn't take care of Yushiro by herself. The man looked down at her and he suddenly seemed… scary.
"Is there no one else willing to take you in or help you?" he asked.
She shook her head. Her neighbours said they didn't have enough food themselves. Something about a famine or a blockade. Ami didn't understand such big words or know why everyone was being so mean to her.
"Fuck," he cursed.
The he turned away from her and went to Yushiro. Ami scrambled behind him as the baby continued crying. The man was gritting his teeth now, and he looked scary—too scary to be near her baby brother. Ami went to pick up her brother, but the man grabbed her forearm and held her painfully in place.
"W-what are you doing?" she asked.
"Stop crying kid. Look at me. The orphanages are too full and even the kids there are starving to death. If I leave you to take care of your brother, you won't survive, not during this wartime. You'll need to become a Shinobi."
"Stop holding me so hard! It's hurting," she cried, trying to pull him off.
He jerked her forward, so he was face-level with her as Ami cried for her mommy. She didn't expect a slap to her face. The blow made her tears stop. She held her throbbing face in confusion, having never been hit before. The man was snarling at her, making her shrink away in fear.
"Look at me kid. Stop crying. I don't want to hear a sob from you again, you hear me. No one will care out there. You think they'll give you a hug and kiss you goodnight? No, they will throw you out to starve to death if you don't show some backbone. Now you're just the right age to join the Academy. You'll live a hard and painful life, but you will endure, you will become a Shinobi. Claw your way to power andsurvive. Do you understand?!"
Ami jolted back, and then nodded silently, still confused and too shocked to understand why he was being so forceful and scary.
"Say it like you mean it!" he snapped.
"Y-Yes!"
"You can hate me forever. You can even curse me out at night and wish me to rot in hell in the afterlife, but you'll be alive."
"W-what?"
#
Yushiro's crying intensified. Ami was too shocked and confused and scared to know what to do. So she just stood there and watched as the man pulled out a kunai, a real one, not the wooden ones her mom let her play with. Ami didn't know what was happening, but her instincts screamed for her toprotecther brother and so she ran, but her wailing and crying didn't even move the man. He simply kicked her away. She crashed painfully into the cupboard behind her, as she watched him slash the weapon at her brother.
A spray of blood splattered the wall by the crib.
"No!No, no, no, no!Yushiro," she screamed.
Then the baby's cries turned into a sickening gurgle of pain. Ami rushed to her brothers side, pushing the man away with strength she didn't even know she possessed. He stumbled away, as she rushed to her brother side. Tears streamed down sunflower yellow eyes as so much blood sprayed from his neck in unending red streams. Ami put a hand down the wound, trying to somehow plug it. The blood never stop flowing.
Then his cries stopped.
Dead, dull yellow eyes stared unblinkingly back at her and Ami finally understood death.
#
Aki woke up covered in sweat, chest pounding and ears ringing. She held her shirt and tried to breathe, though that too was quick and erratic now. It was just an old memory, and yet the clarity in which she remembered that day was so clear, not compared to the blank period that was her life the following few weeks after. Here she was a whole world separated and still stuck on that memory. It always left her feeling sick to the bones.
Sighing, she pushed herself out of bed and towards the kitchen. Hot tea calmed her down usually, and sitting down to meditate and divert her thoughts would put her in a clearer state of mind. She didn't expect to see Iwao similarly awake and drinking beer. He turned towards her before she had the chance to retreat back.
"Having trouble sleeping kid?" he asked.
Aki didn't answer. Admitting such weakness so openly would only put her in a bad mood. She simply turned on the kettle and looked back at the man with the same expression.
"And you?"
"Nightmares," he said easily.
Aki hadn't expected an admission of his weakness so easily from him. At a loss for words, she silently finished brewing her tea and decided to sit next to him, knowing she wouldn't be able to hide the shaking of her hands, nor the overall disheveled look she usually wore after this particular nightmare. Iwao didn't look as bad, but the bags under his eyes gave away to something haunted. She found herself selfishly wishing to know more.
"Can I ask… what it is that you dream of?" she asked softly.
He seemed to hesitate for a moment, but then a sardonic smile took his face as he took another sip of his beer.
"I dreamt of a demon," he said.
That was rather vague. Aki didn't press because it wasn't up to her to force someone else to relieve their nightmares, especially putting it out there as an open admission of weakness. So she didn't expect it when Iwao continued.
"I told you I had a quirk before," he said.
She turned to him, curious now. She nodded and he sighed, as if preparing himself to speak out loud.
"No one tells you about the kind of void it leaves in you when it's taken. It feels like someone cut off my legs and still expects me to run," he admitted.
Somehow, she could sympathise. The lack of chakra running through her body left her feeling vulnerable every single day. Though, having her current quirk taken away would feel like something just as bad. How that could happen was a mystery to her, as she saw quirks as something more mystical than the people around her. They deluded themselves into thinking it was simply just biological, but there was no biological explanation for some of the abominations of nature she'd met in this world. So it wasn't unusual to consider someone's supernatural ability could be taken away, biologically tied to them or not. But whoever had that ability would instantly be considered enemy number 1 in a world that worshipped quirks. Iwao himself saw it as a part of his identity. To have that shattered would turn anyone around.
So Aki chose her next words carefully. "Your quirk, it was Overclock, right? You said it was taken… I've never heard of quirks being taken before."
"Neither had I, kid," he snorted dryly. "The one who stole it from me was no human. That kind of aura—well I've seen a lot as an underground hero, but nothing like that. It was almost inhumane. But it belongs to someone else now."
"What?" Aki asked, alarm bells ringing in her head.
Iwao gave her a harsh smile, though it was not amused at all. He took another gulp of his drink and turned away from her.
"It was given to your pet project, kid. Rokuro Nomura."
Someone had the ability to take, stockpile, and give quirks. Aki tried to process just how overpowered such an ability was in this world. It was far more dangerous than just deleting someone's quirk. It wouldn't be difficult to slowly find the right blend of quirks to create an unstoppable arsenal. But it wouldn't even be that difficult to create a set of underlings or followers with multiple abilities, if Six was an indication of this power set.
The fact that it was given to Six, and that she'd heard him mention a man who created him only seemed to cement that whatever was going on here was connected. Aki didn't like the idea of some unknown figure with an ability as powerful as that just running around. Could he compile quirks that he had taken? Like a quirk library of sorts, taking powers and lending them at will? It would explain why Six had a number of unrelated quirks in one body. Shapeshifting, enhanced processing, enhanced durability and speed, and some type of explosion ability too. He was far more versatile and terrifying than most opponents she'd ever faced here. When she'd tried to stab him, she barely had the moment to blink before he was disarming her, and out of her line of sight. His speed was… dare she say, beyond her capabilities to counter.
To her relief, he didn't ask about why she was awake. The conversation had helped distract her enough to calm down. Her hands weren't shaking anymore. Out of an obligation, she thought she should reciprocate his vulnerability with her own but the idea of talking about it made her sick. She hadn't ever bought it up to anyone since it had happened. For some reason verbalising that day felt impossible. It left her tongue numb and her throat dry. If it had been hard to express before it was impossible now. No one would believe her story anyway, or at worst consider her to be completely insane.
"Since we're up anyway, what do you say to starting early?" Iwao asked, taking her from her thoughts.
Aki nodded her agreement. Since there was little chance, she'd go back to sleep, it was best to utilise her time better. She had no idea how a vigilante went about finding work. It seemed convoluted trying to find people to help who didn't ask for it. She got geared up regardless, strapping her gun and katana to her side. Ironically enough she decided to wear a mask for once. No way was she ruining her future career in the criminal world pretending to be a goddamn vigilante.
"What exactly are we going to be doing?" she asked him as they exited the house.
"What vigilante's do best, help people."
Aki had expected a lot more from how much Iwao had hyped up Vigilante work. But it was in fact boring and probably a waste of time. Though in the spirit of their agreement, she didn't complain, reserving any and all opinions on Vigilante work until the end of the week. If she thought it was a waste of time, she'd either request they go back to physical training, or she'd leave. She didn't have a timeline per say to take down Overhaul, but she'd promised Yamato she'd come back to it, and keeping a man waiting was bad manners.
"Hey old man, I found our target," Aki said dryly.
Said target was an unassuming teen probably a year or two older than her who was snogging another girl in a whorehouse. Their mother had been worried sick about them and for the past two days Aki had been trying to find the missing rebellious teen to see where he'd gone. She thought that this was entirely beneath her pay grade, but Iwao didn't seem to think so. So she decided to help. And they'd asked around, bothering his friends and acquaintances, following a line of hedonism, drugs, and parties to the red-light district and now finding said teen in the bosom of an older prostitute. They had squawked in embarrassment, fumbling to cover themselves up after being caught in the middle of a passionate make out session. Thankfully she didn't catch them mid-fucking or she'd really quit this job.
"What the heck?! Don't you know a thing about privacy?" the teen said voice shrill and cracking at the worst possible time.
Aki scoffed. "You're one day away from being a missing persons case. You got any valid reason for making your mother worried like this? Also lady, you realise he's 17, right?"
"Well kiddo, it's a don't ask, don't care kind of world here. He's a paying customer," she said, shrugging.
"Fair enough. It's none of my business who you fuck. But you, you're my job so you're coming with," she said, pointing at the teen.
The brunette scowled before dramatically pulling his arms back, winding them forward and thrusting up. Aki twitched for her katana, expecting an attack, but the teen was simply standing on the bed, fingers shooting out tiny little flames that could probably substitute for a cigarette lighter… This was in fact incredibly below her pay grade. Aki sighed, and the teen seemed to catch her unimpressed expression and grow frustrated.
"What's that face?! I can burn you if you come close, you know? Even if you are a freaky masked child! You're not even a hero I bet! Mom's so desperate she hired a Villain to do her dirty work? Can't even spare me a single penny I bet, even though she keeps buying expensive bags every week."
Actually Aki was fairly certain that his mother was just getting tired of his frequent running away, spoilt rich boy act. She'd probably been freaked out the first time, but after enough repeat actions the whole running away act would get tiring for anyone. She should feel a little annoyed at least that someone with a mother who provided for them would act in such a way, when she'd been abandoned for much less, but in fact the situation was so ludicrous that she couldn't even be upset.
Very easily, she swept the boy in a grapple, pushing his arms behind his back and locking his fingers into his side so using his quirk would only hurt him. Then she pushed the struggling teen outside of the whorehouse, garnering looks from passerby's who decided not to interfere in what embarrassingly looked like a lovers spat. It didn't help that they were the right age and gender to be considered dating. Regardless of the mishaps, it allowed her to get away with escorting the boy where she wanted, until she met up with Oguro.
"You found the kid before me. Good job," he said.
"Unhand me! I swear I'll press charges for assault!" the teen shouted.
"Oh shut up already. Why are you throwing a tantrum anyway? You're too old to act like this," Aki huffed.
The boy spluttered, face turning red with embarrassment and anger. "What would you know? Do you know what it's like being stuck in a home with a perfect older sibling who can do no wrong, and a younger prodigy? It's like I'm invisible there!"
Aki rolled her eyes at his dramatics, but she noticed he was honest to god about to cry. She turned to Iwao for help, but the old man had decided to simply smirk at her and leave. She gaped at him, turning to the teen and then back to Kunckleduster. No doubt the old man wanted her to help… as was her agreement with him. Help the random, emotionally explosive, rich teen with his personal life. She didn't sign up for this. Aki slowly let him go as he sniffled and wiped his face. Awkwardly she offered him some tissues and he took it with a snooty thanks as he wiped his face.
"Want to… talk about it?" she asked, feeling like she'd just chewed on a lemon by asking.
He gave her a side eye, like he didn't expect anyone to ask. Aki prepared herself mentally, suddenly praying to any deity willing to listen to give her the strength to survive through this ordeal. The teen turned away, but he didn't run.
"My mom's not a good person. All she does is jump from one rich guy to the next, you know? I mean we were poor at some stage, but at least back then she paid attention to me. But then she had my little sister with her second husband, and then divorced him and married an even richer guy and can't even pay attention to me. It's not my fault that I'm not as talented as Juro or as cute as Shima," he lamented.
"Parents don't always have their children's best interests at heart," Aki agreed.
He blinked and then turned back to her with disbelief and suspicion in his eyes. "Aren't you meant to go on a rant about how my mom secretly loves me? She put you up to this didn't she? Paid you?"
Aki felt ashamed to admit that she was doing this for free. She cleared her throat, suddenly unable to make eye contact with the teen who caught on.
"You seriously came here to help me forfree?"
"Don't rub it in," she snarled, and he held his hands up in surrender.
Feeling increasingly paranoid that any former Villain or merc she had worked with previously would stumble upon this embarrassing scenario, Aki looked around to make sure she was truly alone. Seeing no one she knew, she sighed in relief. She would never be taken seriously if someone from the Underground caught her doing this shit for free. Heck they'd probably still make fun of her for taking such a low-grade job even if it was paid for. The things she did to appease Kuckleduster…
"Anyway, we're here to talk aboutyourproblems, not mine. If you feel like your mother isn't paying enough attention to you, running away, making your siblings worry and getting laid won't solve your issues."
"What would you even know about it? You're younger than me, and you don't seem the sibling type."
"You're right, I don't have siblings. But I was abandoned by my mother and father, so I have some experience there."
"Oh…"
He seemed to sober up a little, letting his guard down. Aki shuffled awkwardly, feeling a little weirded out by the fact that she was relating with someone so unlike herself. The teen no doubt didn't have it as bad as her, considering his mother was still around, but she imagined being ignored so blatantly was it's own kind of hell.
"How do you… deal with it?" he asked.
"Live your life the way you want to live it," she told him.
"What does that even mean?" he asked.
"Don't wait around, begging for attention from someone unwilling to give it. Move on, stop holding yourself back by tethering yourself to such weaknesses as a need for approval. Your mother will most likely never give you approval if she never loved you in the first place," she said.
"You're saying give up?" he asked in disbelief.
"No, just stop deriving your value from others. Their approval is irrelevant to your worth. Only you can decide what value you bring through your own actions," she said.
He went silent, contemplating her words. Aki didn't know why, but she felt a little lighter too. It almost felt like she was talking to herself. The teen turned to her and wiped away his tears.
"Sorry about your parents. You deserved better," he said.
Aki hesitated before saying a soft, "You too."
"I guess, I'll be going back to my siblings. It'll still hurt to be ignored, but I can't make them worry. And you're right… maybe I'll never stop wanting her attention and approval, but it shouldn't matter. Thanks."
"You're welcome," she said.
"Can I grab your number? Or are you a Villain?" he now asked nervously.
"Yeah, don't push your luck," she snorted.
Then she decided to get up off the sidewalk and leave him. Iwao was apparently just around the corner, listening in on her embarrassing conversation. He grinned at her before ruffling her hair.
"You're a natural, kid," he said.
Aki ducked her head and fixed up her hair. She glared lightly at the man, but she couldn't lie and say she didn't like it. For some unholy reason, helping the kid for free had felt good. Like she'd left behind something better instead of worse. Even though she didn't get any money or recognition outside of shifting one teenager's perspective on his world a little. But it was one thing to do this once, but all the time? Aki wasn't sure how it would work. By miracle she had managed to find someone to relate too, but if this was vigilante work on the daily, she'd probably end up making things worse eventually.
"You can't tell me we spent two days looking for a rich kid, just to have a talk and send him back home, right?" she asked.
"Of course not. A good Vigilante makes sure to keep their eyes and ears out for all sorts of trouble while they help people," Knuckleduster said, pulling out a packet with a syringe inside.
"And that is?" she asked.
His smile faltered for a moment as he turned serious. "It seems that trigger is making it's rounds again. You can never really get this drug entirely off the streets."
"The drug that amplifies your quirk?" Aki asked, eyeing the substance curiously.
"I better not see you taking any, kid. It's not worth the risk, especially with a quirk like yours. With enough use you could end up in a frenzy and do some serious damage," he said.
"I won't," she said, though in truth it wasn't entirely her intention.
She would make sure Knuckleduster never saw her taking any, but she didn't intend to stay away from the drug. She'd heard about it before, but never been able to get her hands on any. Having it on hand as a backup could potentially save her life. Maybe even make her on par with Overhaul's quirk.
"We're taking the supplier down. Are you ready for the fun part?" he asked, grinning widely.
"Let's do it," Aki responded eagerly.
She was itching for some action for a while now.
AN
This chapter is a little intense at the start, so I apologise for that haha. I've added a bit of a trigger warning cause it was pretty dark.
Comments:
doa570047- Yeah, physical stature and muscle mass is so important to the average human's strength. The breathing exercises are actually done by a lot of military that work in mountain areas, and also some athletes who use it to get increased oxygen and lung capacity in the long run. I don't know how accurate I was with it's depiction, but hopefully close enough. As for if Aki will be a villain or a vigilante, she's always going to lean more towards being a villain, since she's not the type to not kill someone if they piss her off enough or if it's for a hit. Knuckleduster can only do so much to change her ways. You're right about it being hard to break away from
FioreFire- Thank you so much! Writing her interactions with Six, Dabi and Iwao were so fun for me as a writer too. They all each push and pull her between villainy and heroism in the most dramatic ways. Except Dabi, he's just chilling haha. As for the changes she'll go through... I'll keep it a surprise but let's just say she's not the worst person but she's not that good either.