Donuts is the Way to end every fights

Chapter V

/Autho's pov/

" KAMUI NUMBER 2! "

all look in disbelief at the shouting Kagura.

" The hell's wrong with you China! We're in a serious scene here, hello, or maybe someone knocked the shit out of you getting you all crazy like that! Oh wait, well you've been crazy from the start of the anime anyway, what am I thinking. " Shouted Okita.

" Sougo, When did Gintama ever show seriousness to you, huh. " Said Hijikata remembering all the stuff that happened all those years. " Got a point there, Oogushi-kun! " making a thumbs up.

" OH JUST SHUT UP YOU! OI NOBUTASU, WAIT SAVE SOME DONUTS FOR ME-ARU! " Kagura cried out running in the direction where Nobume is.

" Really, China. Thought you were gonna have a cool scene for once, but I just realized you were not cool, just dumb. " Sougo deadpanned.

" Do you have mayo there. " Hijikata said. " Oi, Nobume-san, save some for Gin-san, will yah. " Pleased Gin. " Donuts please " Kamui demanded, smiling. " Donuts! " Akari cheerfully said, hair becoming red, skin becoming pale and eyes turning crimson. Imai ran away but the five hungry pigs chased her to no end. Sumire and Sougo looked in disbelief, the supposed to be a serious battle between Kagura and Akari was cancelled because of donuts! Oh well, Okita Sougo just played along and immediately snatched the bag, he's a sadist after all.

Munch. Munch. Munching. Munch. Munch. Well the munching continued until Sumire shouted at her brother, who's covered in bruises eating a lot of donuts. " OI, AKARI-KUN, I TOLD YOU TO CALM YOURSELF IF EVER THE BLOOD INSIDE YOU AWAKEN. WHAT HAPPENED TO MY LECTURE JUST TWO DAYS AGO?! "

" Well, I forgot, Gomen Mire-sama! " He apologized sarcastically while bowing his head. " Plus, they pissed me off. " He explained.

The boss looked at the pretend mailman. Scaring the life of the poor Souchi, wait, I mean the deserving-to-be-knock-out Souchi. Just as Souchi expected, his brother will blame everything to him, as usual. " Souchi-niichan " with a low and cold voice she said. Chill ran down everyone's spine.

" Gintoki Sakata-san, Toushirou Hijikata-san, Kamui-san, O-Sougo Okita-san " she turned to them and glared. The boys prepared themselves for whatever Sumire got.

Sumi-chan sighed then," YOU MENS! WHY ARE YOU SO DUMB, SPECIALLY YOU SOUCHI-NII! AHHHH! "

" Sushi-chan, c-calm down will you, haha. " Gin said to somehow calm her down, but his words didn't help a bit. " It's Sei- Sumire, Danna. " Sougo corrected. Dunno where he got the guts. " Oi, oi, Perm head, if you ever want to calm anyone, call them by their right name, will yah. " He whispered to the white head. " Am, Boss Somire, I didn't participate in the name-calling they're doing, I'm a good boy, right my-ugly-niece! " Smiling, eyes close, thinking he made the right decision calling him 'my-ugly-niece'.

" Well you did it now Baka-nii. " Kagura informed. " Oh, and, HE'S NOT MY SON, WILL YAH STOP THIS BAD JOKE ALREADY! " Kagura demanded.

" Oh, but it is your daughter, my dear Imouto. " Kamui said. Kagura looks in disapproval, " And how come-aru? "

Kamui opened his eyes and with a serious tone he said: " My gut instincts. " The next thing that happened, the siblings are fighting to death. " BAKA! WHAT 'GUT INSTINCT' ARE YOU BLABBERING ABOUT, YOU USELESS BROTHER! " she said while attacking Kamui which Kamui dodged.

" What if it's true, what if we are your spawn, Kagura-san? " Sumire asked which made Kagura stop her movements.

" Yah telling Sumi-chan, I don't remember giving birth to four children nor doing this and that to anyone-aru. Plus you're as old as I am, it's quite impossible-aru. " Kagura answered then continued attacking the injured Kamui who was surprisingly keeping up with Kagura. " HUACHOO! "

" Yeah, and if ever she did, I'd be dead right now. " Sakata said, imagining what Umibouzo will do to him if Kagura does have children. 'Not gonna happen' . Gin thought. Sumire gave Gin a fierce look and he did the same.

" It's just 'what if', don't go too serious you two. " Said Souchibaka. " Yeah, Useless Perm, stop it. Picking a fight with a younger girl, it's so immature. " Mayora said. " Oh urusai you freaking Mayo freak! It's just if I lose, maybe I won't get my Giant triple strawberry gamble cherry! "

" Of course it's all about food! " Hijikata and Souchi facepalmed. " Oh really Gin-chan, then, I want a ten year supply of sukonbu, and, and, a twenty year supply of eggs over rice, and... Lemme think-" Sougo smack Kagura for nothing, he just wants to piss her off. " I'll do the contest, you'll only be disappointed with these two. " Sougo said. " Oh, and put tabasko in their food. " He whispered.

" I give up! How did Yorozuya megane and Yamazaki handle this! " Hijikata yelled.

* * *

" Yah know, it felt weird when Shinpachi isn't here to react, usually it's his job-aru. " Kagura started.

" Ahh, yeah, it's just because he's straight and virgin glasses. Let it be Kagura, let's make Oogushi-kun do a straight man's job. " He lazily replied.

" Teme! What do you mean by that?! Who are you calling 'Oogushi-kun' and 'straight man'? Urusai! " He asked. " Look Kagura-chan, he's starting to adapt it, it's always what Shinpachi does, correcting names right. " Gintoki said. The two chuckled which pisses Hijikata more.

" OI YOU YOROZUYA BASTARDS! STOP IT ALREADY! I AM NOT A PLAIN GUY LIKE SHINPACHI AND ZAKI! " He yelled which throws an arrow on Yamazaki's body.

" Hijikata-san, you're clearly a plain and virgin guy like Megane and Zaki. Shine Hijikata-san" He deadpanned, and another arrow hit poor Yamazaki.

" Oogushi-kun, really you're a virgin, I already know about the plain part but that " Gin burst out laughing then continued, " I thought only Patsuan and Jimmy are virgins yet, hahaha, Hijikata-kun is a virgin! Hahahaha! Hijikata- hahahaha! " Everyone laughs at the virgin former vice commander of the Shinsengumi.

And another arrow was thrown at the poor Jimmy. " Yamazaki-sama, are you alright? " Tama asked, which brightened up the day of Jimmy Yamazaki, he doesn't even care at the words thrown at him, his attention only on Tama. Ahh, Tama-san is worried about me! Ahhhhhh! Sagaru thought.

Back to the strai-err Hijikata-san.

" OI! TEME! STOP LAUGHING! SOUGO YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS! YOU TOO YOROZUYA PERM HEAD! " He blushed because of embarrassment then thought of an idea to embarrass the two sadists.

" Heh, " lighting his cigarette he said, " You're also a virgin, am I right Sougo, Yorozuya. " He teased them, Gin slapped his hands at the table and proudly uttered: " Am not, I've done this and that to my love, Ketsuno Ana! "

" Che! No one will ever do this and that to a useless and jobless perm like you-aru! " Kagura shouted at the lying Gintoki. " Gin-san, stop lying in front of Kagura-chan. Don't influence her to be a lying stock like you who have no contributions to the economy. " She smiled. " Ahh! Otae-san you really are a wise and pretty maiden which I'll marry some- " Kondou came to hug her but he only received a kick on the face. " What you say Gorilla! " Otae threatened. " We'll marry- " Kondou tried to say but to be knocked out again. " Kyaaa! Who would marry a gorilla like you! Call the zoo keepers immediately! Ahhh! " " Otae, That's Kondou. " Tsukky said but Tae hesitated and forced her to call the Zoo keepers immediately.

Kagura ignored the noise and grabbed Gintoki's collar. " That's why I get awful and awful everyday-aru! I'm still a pure maiden you know-aru! " Kagura said. " When did you even become a maiden, more like a monster. Still dumb I see. " Sadist teased. " Konoyaro! Are you insulting this woman-aru! Wanna fight?! " She let go off Gin and challenged the Sadist. And another fight between the two rivals was seen by everyone. In the middle of their sparring Sougo teased, " Like I said, it's a Glutton Monster, China. " " Oh you're gonna die you filthy Sadist-aru! "

Blowing puffs of smoke Toushirou said: " Ehh, Sougo you're not denying you're a virgin, are we? " Sougo stopped and threw Kagura on the wall to answer Hijikata's question. " Yeah, I'm not denying it Hijikata-san, " he deadpanned. Hijikata makes the face relieved, " but... But I can fuck anyone if I'd like, unlike you Hijikata-san. I actually have a lot of fangirls and their purpose is to entertain me and be my slave, and China here is one of them. " Pointing at the China rubbing her head from the blow. " I know she likes me, I will not be surprised if he comes to me wanting to ask me to take her *. " He added. " Right, China? " Kagura got up and replied: " yes-aru. " Sougo smirked.

Everyone was shocked and realized that it is true. Everyone knew something was going on between them just like Gintoki and Tsukuyo. Gintoki got a nose bleed, then went to Kagura, shaking her violently. " W-w-what is it Gin-chan-aru? S-s-stop it! " Kagura said, almost fainting from dizziness.

" Tell me yah don't like Souichirou-kun?! " Still shaking the fainted Kagura who got her consciousness back once he said those words. Gin finally calmed down, only a little for him to stop shaking Kagura, well mostly because Otae and Tsukky threatened him to stop and let go of Kagura.

Kagura looked at the smirking Sougo, clearly satisfied with her answer earlier. " You Sadist! You stupid liar-aru! I won't like a Sadist like you-aru! " She defended herself which relieved the Dadtoki. " Are you saying you just want to fuck this pretty boy! " His smirk never leaves. " I-i-i didn't agree on that-aru, what else did you say to them-aru, Baka! " She blushed, from her raging anger. She surprised him by giving him a full kick on the face which he barely dodged.

" China, I know you like me but I won't fuck a girl with a flat breast like yours. Oh and I also think you should wear black instead of pink. It's not sexy wearing those brat things okay, oh yeah you're a brat, who am I kidding." He teased. Kagura attacked once more but he dodged it again. What does he mean when wearing black instead of pink-aru... I wore red cheongsam, black hair ornaments and... Chotto... What was the color of my panties again-aru! Oh no! Baka Sadist!

" Baka Sadist! Now I can't get married! " He muttered in between their fights.

" Well as if anyone would want to marry you, maybe it's one of your fantasies again. " He spoke.

" Mina, ohayo! " Kanna greeted sweetly then hugged Kagura afterwards. " You know, that kid really looks like Mitsuba. Like her living double I guess but only with bright blue eyes! Hahahaha! " Kondou said squeezing the chubby and cute cheeks of the little girl which the brat enjoyed.

Hijikata looked at Kanna, who he did not notice even before. Hijikata started patting her sandy hair which she also enjoyed. Sougo pushed him off and guarded Mitsuba's look alike. " Hijikata-san, we don't want the girl to be infected with your contagious obsession of mayonnaise. " He told him.

Kanna hugged the sandy man, she looked up and smiled. The captain gave a shocked face, not expecting to be caught off guard. ' Aneue... why do you have to look like aneue? '

Sougo didn't notice that his emotionless mask had worn out and now his face is making such a beautiful smile. That's when all laughed, laughed because they didn't know the captain would smile with delight and sincereness just because of the little girl.

" Sougo, do you love that kid, don't know you're a lolicon now, hahahaha! " Hijikata laughed.

" Lolicon, suits you Sadist-aru! " Kagura laughed as well.

" Okita-taicho, you're blushing again. " Yamazaki teased.

" Souichirou-kun, masochist now aren't we! " Gintoki added.

" Okita, that's your weakness, I see. " Nobume annoyed while munching some donuts.

" Heh, you all wanna die that bad aren't we. Worry not, I can do it right now, who wants to die first. " Sougo threatened with his Sadistic face.

" You, sadist-aru. You kill yourself first, once you die my life will finally be peaceful-aru! " Kagura answered. " Heh, YOU want to die first, I'd gladly do that, don't worry it won't hurt a bit. " Sougo retorted back. " I told you that you should kill yourself-aru! Where's your brain all of the sudden-aru! " Explained Kagura. " It's my job to kill a monster like you, China. You're a nuisance to society, you know that, I guess you don't know because your brain is made out of mud. " He smirked. " Oh, how about your brain, it's made out of satone the last time I remember-aru! " She retorted back.

While the two rivals are arguing, the rest of them take the cue to leave.

" Safe! " Everyone said, thankful that the rivals are fighting with each other.

Sumire, Souchi and Akari entered the room and caught the verbally fighting rivals and escaping people. " What's up mina! " Bakari greeted loudly. " Bakari, lower your voice will you. " Souchi said which was ignored by his brother. " Heh, you're having fun, why didn't you call me Kanna? " Bakari continued and walked closer to Kanna-chan.

" Gin-chan, why are you leaving me with this chihuahua! " Kagura cried out. " Danna, wanna die that bad huh. " Sougo deadpanned.

Sumire cleared her throat and spoke. " Mina, I'm here to announce the new participants of the game, let's welcome Shimura Shinpachi and Terekado Tsuu! "

Author's note *

Amm, mina arigato gosaimosu for reading bad fanfic. You must be wondering why I suddenly wrote Shinpachi and Otsuu, well it felt wrong that the comment guy and the glasses of the Yorozuya were gone so here. ()

FANFIC DICTIONARY:

1. Urusai - ' shut up' in English.

2. Chotto - ' wait '

3. Teme - 'darn it'

SAYONARA!!