Being kissed by Spock is a little like kissing the sun, but only if the sun had a tongue and knew exactly how to use it. His skin is so hot it burns right through me, burns the fear, the loneliness, straight out of my soul. Any other thought that the way his lips pillow against mine the way his canine digs into my lip when I try to pull away, the way his tongue flicks against the roof of my mouth in a way that sends shocks right down my spine flies right out of my brain and dissipates into the ether. I feel like an experiment under his microscope, being cataloged for a specific section of his brain. I feel branded, like this kiss is searing a mark deep down into my bones that is so bright, burns so hot, everyone will be able to tell where it is I come home to from now on.

The thought makes my knees weak, so I guess it was a good thing I was already in Spock's lap. Oh god, I'm in his lap and he is kissing me -

My body finally wakes up from the spell I was under and I moan , throwing my arms around his neck and pulling him into me so that I can plaster myself to him. Spock responds by burying a hand in my hair and handling me into the exact position he wants.

It is only for the fact that my head is spinning so much I truly think I might pass out that I eventually pull away from his lips. Both of us are breathing raggedly, eyes locked in an intense battle of wills.

But it was never any kind of battle for me, Spock has always won this fight, has always conquered my heart.

Whatever he sees in my face makes him growl out from his chest a subsonic rumbling of male satisfaction, and it makes my hands fist in the shirt that he's wearing. And then I realized that we could spend forever like this. I'm dead, who gives a fuck now about what I do with my time?

And then I remember that I'm dead.

And everything that's happened, it all comes crashing through my brain, and suddenly all I can see is the universe laid out before me, stars exploding in a symphony of ordered chaos, the great tapestry of life, and how hollow my spot is in it. I can hear the void, I can feel the pressing weight of the black nothingness pressing in on me with inky black fingers, reaching, reaching -

Brown eyes come back into focus, full of concern and taking up my entire field of view.

"Piper, what is troubling you? I can feel your distress building at an alarming rate."

Before I can even think of how to describe what I saw, what saw me , and the primal terror that fills me, a blinding light fills the tiny chamber just outside the reactor where I initially died. Spock, in a move too fast for me to react to, threw me off his lap and behind him protectively, throwing her arms out to hide me from the threat, eyes full of dark intent for this perceived threat.

The ethereal woman that stands before us when the light clears looks wholly unimpressed with him.

"Well, champ, took you long enough. Not like there was a rush or anything, not like both of your bodies are wasting away without your souls inside them."

I blink. This woman is unlike anyone I have ever seen. Is she even a woman? Her eyes are… piercing, but not only because of their unique color. It's almost like there is a… a presence behind her gaze, a weight to it that humans simply lack. It is deeply unsettling, and sends a sharp chill down my spine when her eyes shift over to me.

She pursed her lips, eyes taking in my disheveled form with obvious displeasure, and she sighs.

"Well, I suppose you'll do," she sighs, sounding resigned. Spock tenses. I quirk an eyebrow, feeling completely lost.

"Do? Do for what?" I ask, sounding baffled. The woman waved her hand.

"The details will come later. Q assured me you're up to the task, especially now that you have your Vulcan with you."

I blinked once again.

"You know Q?"

The lady snorted indelicately and crossed her arms across her chest, a heavy air of impatience rolling off her in waves .

"For the love of - look, I have neither the time nor the patience to walk your pathetic, inferior intellect through the many complicated steps that led to this exact scenario, or all of the workings of the universe that ensured the both of you would end up together as originally intended," she snapped. I felt Spock tense underneath me, his arms pulling me tighter into his body as his eyes narrowed at the woman in obvious offence. This woman summarily ignored the growing threat of Spock's blackening mood and barreled onward.

"Suffice to say that this " the woman flapped a hand curtly at the two of us sitting on the floor "took a great effort from many beings, one of which being Q, and another being myself. You, Piper, quite literally owe us your existence."

I took a moment to simply stare up at her, frowning slightly.

"But…how did you guys do anything? I'm dead . And now, thanks to this stubborn, stupidly sweet Vulcan, he's apparently dead right along with me."

The lady pinched the bridge of her nose, muttering to herself in a language that I didn't understand but felt as if she…she was directly speaking words…of time?

That made no sense.

What in the fuck -

"I don't rightly care that you don't understand what's happening, Piper," the woman finally ground out, taking a deliberate step towards the both of us. Spock turned as best he could to shield me, glaring at her over his shoulder and he tried to shield me with his body. The woman gave him a very flat, unimpressed look.

"You owe me ," she uttered, voice soft and dangerous. "I have come to collect ."

An icy chill rippled down my spine and my hands broke out in a sweat. Dozens of questions exploded in my mind, flying through my brain nearly too fast for me to even comprehend them, but my tongue felt weighted and stuck in my mouth and I couldn't do anything but whimper pitifully.

"Perhaps if you would enlighten us as to the debt to be paid, we could all efficiently and immediately vacate one another's presence," Spock said, his tone even and steady but dark with the threat of her standing so near. I tightened my grasp on his clothes, desperately seeking the comfort I knew could come only from having him near.

The woman rolled her eyes and her piercing, silver, inhuman eyes pinned me where I sat.

"You've seen it, haven't you?" she asked me, once again ignoring Spock.

And I knew.

My eyes widened in horror at the vague memories, the impressions I still had of floating, of falling, and existing within nothing, being nothing, having nothing. Of looking out into the emptiness, feeling the horror of knowing that this was what waited at the end, no promised land, no sense of peace or even despair and retribution. There was just an endless, yawing nothing.

And it had seen me right back.

I felt Spock tense as I started to violently shake in his arms.

"Wh-what… what was that…?" I whispered, hardly daring to speak of it, lest it somehow find me again. I don't even remember how I got away, I just remember feeling the weight of it press on me, the hunger of it reaching out to me and wanting to run harder than I ever had in my life.

The woman's cold exterior thawed minutely, and she had such an unbearable sadness dulling her eyes before she blinked and kneeled down in front of us.

"It has taken… everything from me," she admitted, her voice cracking and hitching with emotion as her eyes filled with tears. I watched in fascination as they slowly rolled down her cheeks, her tears glowing with a soft golden light.

"It will take everything from everyone, everywhere, in every universe that it can find, and the only hope I have… is you," with these last words, her lips curled in disgust as she eyed the two of us. Shaking her head, she stood up abruptly, making Spock and I jump.

"This, Piper, is the debt that you owe me," she said, and her voice was changed again, it was different, like when I first floated through the stars with Q. It was heavy, and loud, and rang with highs and lows and laughs and wails and it was like the universe was speaking through her and I couldn't breathe, I couldn't breathe for how I felt it latch on to my soul, how it latched onto Spock's and yanked-

"You and your mate will help me find this… thing… and we will end it. "

My eyes widened in horror, and I could feel it, the terror of thinking I had to fight that, how do you even begin fighting nothing? There's nothing to do against that nothingness. I could feel a scream building up in my throat, a primal fear gripping me so tightly I thought I was dying again.

The woman raised her hands and swiftly slapped one to each of our heads.

I gasped as I felt something reach out, reach, and stretch and snap into place and I could feel Spock's presence filling up my mind, rapidly filling the gaps, quickly, too quick, it was too much, it was so intense -

"See you soon, lovebirds," the woman said softly as my eyes rolled back in my head and the two of us slumped to the floor and knew no more.

With a great gasp and loud ringing in my ears my eyes snap open and I sit up in bed. There's a wild scream close by and the sound of something crashing and breaking, and I hear a rough, gravelly voice yelp and begin speaking frantically next to me. My vision swims, colors blending together, and I taste copper in my mouth. Nausea rolls over me and I gag, turning to the side and emptying my stomach with violent heaves. Shaking hands pull my hair away from my face as I empty my stomach of everything, muscles cramping painfully.

I collapse right where I am when I finally finish, my body twisted at an unnatural angle and uncomfortable, muscles clenching and spasming, but I don't have the energy to even begin thinking of moving. Dimly, I'm aware of sounds happening around me, but they all swim around in my head like my vision still swims in front of my eyes and I whimper.

I wish it would all stop.

It's too much.

It hurts .

And then there's a sudden sense of relief as it all disappears, something in my head sitting up and panicking before it reaches out, reaches into me and takes away all the pain and shoves it behind a wall. I sob in relief as the nausea finally goes away, the pounding in my head immediately beginning to dull. Whatever it was in my mind brushes the frayed edges of my psyche soothingly, a chilling balm to the fever I feel is running rampant through my veins. Desperately I try to fumble for whatever it is, mentally reaching out, begging, pleading, yearning with everything I have that this wonderful, beautiful thing won't leave me alone, won't leave me to this pain.

There's a fond exasperation that fills me, quickly followed by a kind of tenderness that I didn't realize was still possible in this universe. I get a sense of this… thing, whatever it is, agreeing, promising me to never be alone ever again, and let out a sob of relief.

Someone brushes more hair out of my face and I flinch away, my skin prickly and over sensitized. The presence sends a wave of calm and peace to me, drowning out anything else, and I blessedly drift off into a deep, dreamless slumber.

The next time I wake up I feel like I've been squeezed through a hole about fifty times too small for my body and groan in pain. There's the sound of a scraping chair and then someone grabs my hand. Reflexively I hold on to this hand, grateful for the warmth from their skin as I feel myself start to ground. With a wince I slowly open my eyes, my brain sluggish and foggy.

I'm in the hospital.

Because of course I am. Ugh .

I blink heavily and look down to the hand clasping mine, notice the tanned skin clashed against my pale and wan complexion and frown. My eyes heavily follow the hand up to a wrist, then an arm and shoulder and then suddenly I'm looking into a pair of brown eyes that I love more than any other in the galaxy.

I blink heavily again as my brain slowly catches up with me and I frown confused.

"Sp'k?" I mumble, my throat immediately flaring up in protest, voice hoarse and raw. I wince and cough. Spock grabs a cup from my nightstand and gently rests the straw to my lips where, after several embarrassing and failed attempts, I get enough small mouthfuls of water for my throat to not feel quite like the Sahara anymore.

"Wh-what… what happened…?" I ask him when he sets the cup down, my brain finally starting to waken to the world once again. I blink my eyes several times to clear the slight fogginess of my vision.

Spock looks at me, a softness to his face that I don't think I've ever seen before.

"How much do you remember?" he asks me softly. I frown.

Remember?

I think. What was the last thing I remember?

After several seconds my eyes widen in shock and my hand clamps so hard on his that I'm sure it hurts, but he doesn't react beyond gently rubbing soothing circles on the back of my palm with his thumb.

"We…we were dead. I was dead. You found me. You were dying with me. And…" Visions swim past my mind, making me dizzy and I squeeze my eyes closed.

Something in my mind runs through my thoughts like a gentle breeze, slowing the frantic pace of my thoughts. I jolt, and snap my eyes open to see Spock watching me carefully, searchingly.

"Is…is that you…?" I whisper, hardly daring to breathe. Spock's lips twitch, and I know that he feels amused because I can feel his amusement.

"Yes," he answers simply.

"But…but how…? I don't…I don't understand. What did that woman do to us? Who even was she?"

Spock purses his lips and he looks down at our connected hands, thinking.

"I am unable to determine how she accomplished it, but she forced a full bond between the two of us. From my understanding, if she had waited any longer, our bodies would have been beyond salvation, regardless of any bond formed between our two souls. Though," he looked up at me, eyes looking over my bedridden body critically, "she was perhaps too enthusiastic with her assistance."

I blink dumbly.

"What."

"We are bonded, t'hy'la , though I must admit that I feel swindled out of the bonding experience as it was intended to be between two minds such as ours."

"I'm sorry, we're…did you just say we're bonded? As in…life partners? Like… married?"

Spock's amusement danced over my mind and I was filled with the almost uncontrollable urge to giggle, if only to relieve the mental pressure.

"Indeed."

There is a long silence between us where I lean back in the bed, my brain struggling to process all the ramifications of this. After several minutes I bite my lip nervously and give Spock and look out of the corner of my eye.

I can sort of remember what happened, though a lot of what happened at the end is a blur. But I can remember the impressions Spock gave me of his feelings for me. At least, I think I remember.

"Is…is that…okay?"

Now it's Spock's turn to blink and I see the corners of his mouth pull down slightly, and my brain feels his confusion. He opens his mouth to speak and the door to my hospital room opens, making me jump and rip my hand out from his. Immediately Spock's presence quiets down, his emotions not so intense, but I can still feel him lurking in the back of my consciousness, so I know that his confusion gets even stronger as he looks down at his now empty hand.

My face flames as I rip my eyes away from Spock to see who entered my room and freeze at the absolutely murderous expression on Bones' face.

"So help me God, as I stand here breathing, don't you ever, ever pull that shit again, Piper Rose, or there won't be any planet where you can hide from me that will save you from the reckoning you and I will have." he threatens softly. Spock tenses at the dark promise in his voice, his outrage loud in my mind despite the lack of physical connection. I gulp audibly.

"Bones, I'm so sorry, I don't even -" Bones holds his hand up harshly, cutting me off and looks at the PADD in his hands stiffly. There is a tense, uncomfortable silence in the room as Bones goes through my chart before he slowly lowers the PADD and walks around to the bed opposite of Spock and sits by my feet.

"Let me first say that I am so unbelievably glad you're alive," Bones says softly, and my breath leaves me in a great woosh, eyes stinging with the beginning of tears. "I have no idea how it's medically possible that you're here, you were dead. Very, very dead, Piper. Probably the most dead a person in history has ever been. But here you are, and I'm not one to look a gift horse in the mouth when God answers my prayers."

I bite my lip, blinking harshly to try and stop the tears from spilling over, my hand twitching from where it's bunched up in the blankets. I really wish I hadn't let go of Spock's hand now.

"Next, I want you to know that effective immediately I am taking a leave of absence from active duty. I filed the paperwork with Starfleet, and I've already picked a replacement while I'm…he's a good guy. You'll like him. Smart. Not as grumpy. But all of this has shown me that, as I am right now, I am unequipped to be your doctor, Piper."

The whole world tilts to the side for a second as his words sink in before snapping back into place, slightly dimmer and with the oddest sensation that I've lost a limb.

"It's not forever," Bones assures me, and I suddenly realize that this is the calmest and most assured I've heard my friend speak, despite the obvious foul mood he's struggling with. "I love you too much to stop being your friend, and frankly, I don't trust anyone else in the universe with your health with the kind of shit you get into before your Sunday dinner.

"But I can't…I can't keep going like this, kiddo. I know you're going to have a minefield to work through with Jenna after this, and I'm not trying to belittle your pain or say that what I went through was more horrific, but I cannot just bounce back after something like this. I need…" Bones' face twisted sourly and he looked down at his hands, and I noticed belatedly that they were shaking.

"I need to breathe , and I can't do that here. Not anymore. Not for a while, I don't think."

Bones' raises his eyes to me, and they are so dull, so lifeless that I recoil into my bed in horror. There's a long silence where I try to think of something to say, anything, but all thoughts of convincing him to stay, to stay with me, please just stay-

It all withers in the face of what Bones is showing me.

I muster every ounce of courage I think I have left, squeezing it out of my pores if I have to, and give him a slow nod.

"I understand," I say dully. "Take… take all the time you need. I'd never ask you to be somewhere that's causing you pain, Bones, you know that."

There's a flicker of something in his eyes, but he looks back down at his hands before I can catch what it is. A horrible, terrible thought fills me, an awful, dreadful fear that he's about to walk out the door and I'm never going to see him again, and before I can swallow the selfish question back down it spills out of my mouth.

"When will I see you again?"

Bones sighs softly and shakes his head.

"I dunno, kiddo," and the admission rips right through my heart. Spock, strangely quiet, is looking down at his hands in his lap, his presence in my mind so muted as to nearly be non-existent.

Tears finally spill over my cheeks before I can stop them and I bite my lip with so much frustration at asking that stupid fucking question that I can taste the copper tang of blood. I can tell the moment Bones hears me crying by the way his shoulders tense and he refuses to look up at me.

"You'll always be my friend, Piper. My best friend. And I will love you to the day I die, you know that," he says, voice thick, and I bite down harder on my lip, not wanting to hear the rest but also never wanting him to stop so that he won't just leave me like everybody always does .

Typical.

Why did I ever think that I could have something nice?

I'm so fucking stupid sometimes.

Without another word Bones pushes a few buttons in my records, and stands from my bed. He slowly walks to the door, standing in the doorway when it opens, shoulders hunched before he sighs softly and walks through the door without a backward glance.

Once the door closes, Spock's hand reaches up and gently pries my bottom lip out of my teeth, frowning at the beads of blood the well up from my new injury. I look at him with watery eyes, neither of us knowing quite what to say for awhile.

"I have always admired your strength in the face of adversity, Piper," Spock admits softly and he tenderly swipes his thumb over my lip to wipe the blood away. "Even when we have been at odds, I have felt a great respect for the unflappable persistence you have to carry onwards through trial and tribulation so that you can be that strength for those around you."

I blink watery eyes at him, confused, mind reeling, slipping, catapulting towards a chasm of despair, and I can't see where he's going with this because Bones just left . Bones just left .

Slowly, like he's in front of a cornered animal, Spock moves from sitting in the chair to sitting on the edge of my bed and pulls me until I'm sitting up next to him. His warm hands brush the tears off of my face, and he presses the most loving, feather-light kiss to my forehead.

"It will never diminish the respect I have for you if you allow me to share in the moments where you feel weak," he whispers softly into my skin.

I crumple into him, and his strong arms wrap around me like a band of protection, a forcefield against the pain ripping out of my chest and clawing its way up my throat. I turn my face into his shoulder and wail out for my loss.