A/N:Time to check back in with Summer and Space Beth, and for the first time since she got sent to work before the sun came up, Earth Beth! Jerry is still too busy sulking to be in this chapter. We'll see him again later, but it's going to be a while.
Please note: this chapter features some spoilery dialogue about the events of S7 ep. 7, "Wet Kuat Amortican Summer" I debated on putting that part in due to the fact I know not everyone's seen the latest season, and this fic otherwise has no S7 spoilers. But I needed something for Summer and Space Beth to talk about other than Rick's stupid errand list, and that is where their conversation led. If you want to skip that part, scroll to the first horizontal line and you're safe. Any other S7 references in the fic will be of the vague, non-spoiler, blink and you'll miss 'em variety. End A/N
Summer and Space Beth's next several errands were far less eventful than the first few. Having both made a considerable dent in their lists, they decided to take a break and meet for lunch. The two were sitting in a booth inside a small café on an asteroid at the edge of the solar system.
"Thanks again for helping out today, Space Mom. We've already got, like at least half of Grandpa's stupid list done." Summer said, taking a sip of her milkshake.
"No problem. Barring any further worker uprisings at greedy megastores or having to negotiate with more of Dad's asshole "friends" until they see reason, we're on track to be home tonight. Tomorrow morning at the latest." Space Beth replied, sipping her wine.
"Cool. Morty texted me something about Grandpa being crazy and Dad being an idiot, but eh, what else is new? It doesn't sound like anything's on fire, at least not literally. They're fine. It's been a while since we got to hang out like this, huh?" Summer glanced at her phone briefly before putting it back in her pocket. Beth nodded in agreement.
"I got one from Jerry asking me, 'If the Sailor Scouts were real, do you think they would be able to cure Glopydropian Mimicking Disease?' With the follow-up question, 'Is there a dimension where they are real?' Oh, God. He sent that to me individually, and to our group chat with your Earth mom. I… How am I supposed to answer… What the fuck am I even supposed to do with that?!" Space Beth said, slapping her forehead as she put her own phone away. Summer giggled. A waiter placed two plates on their table.
After taking a few bites of her food, Summer asked, "So, what's new with you?"
"Oh, you know. Took down a New Federation base last week. Freed some wrongly imprisoned inmates from a maximum-security prison on Jupiter. The usual." Space Beth replied casually.
"Cool. I, ummm… got an A on my science test. And me and some friends almost got caught smoking weed under the bleachers, but then we didn't. God, school is so boring compared to your life." Summer replied. She sounded excited at first, but her enthusiasm quickly faded.
"Hey, that stuff counts, too. I realize it probably sounds sarcastic and condescending coming from me, but look at it this way. You're 17 and have already seen and done more than everyone else in your lameass school put together likely will in their entire lives. It's okay to be happy about the more mundane parts of your life, too." Space Beth told her.
"Huh. I never thought about it that way. Thanks, Mom." Summer's smile returned, and she went back to eating.
After a moment, Space Beth said, "So you're really gonna hold out on me and not tell me the biggest thing?"
"What do you mean?" Summer asked.
"Oh, nothing. Just that I heard you met someone." Summer's face turned red, and she dropped her silverware to the floor.
"I'm gonna kill him! Why did I ever think Grandpa Rick could keep a fucking secret?!" Summer exclaimed, covering her face with her hands.
Space Beth laughed and said, "Calm down. I'm normally the last person to defend anything Dad does, but he only blabbed to me because he's happy for you and wanted to tell someone. He figured you'd want to tell Earth Me and Jerry yourself when you're ready, and that Morty would be jealous over you getting a girlfriend before he did. So that left me."
"Oh." was all Summer could manage as an answer. She was still blushing a little, but no longer furious.
"Morty already knows, or at least suspects. And I was planning to tell you all soon. It's just…"
"You weren't worried about telling us you're dating a girl, were you?" Space Beth asked hesitantly, half joking but half genuinely concerned that was the issue.
"As if anyone in this family only swings one way. I mean, mayyybe Morty, but eh, jury's still out on that." Summer scoffed, rolling her eyes. Beth visibly relaxed and nodded in agreement, while Summer continued, "It's still a really new relationship is all. And yeah, I've hooked up with people off-planet before, but I've never actually been, like, involved with anyone who doesn't live on Earth. Before now, I'd never even dated someone who went to a different school. We don't see each other as much as we'd like to, and it's hard sometimes, y'know?" As she spoke, Summer went from grinning ear to ear to looking sad.
Space Beth placed a hand over hers and said softly, "Yeah, I get it. Look, I'm not exactly the hands-on mothering type, but if you ever need someone to talk to… Someone who might understand better than your other parental units… But who can also keep their damn mouth shut better than your grandfather…"
"Thanks, Mom. I'll keep that in mind."
"God, I'm going soft. First helping Dad, and now this Lifetime original movie mother daughter bonding mush. What next? You and Morty are both too old to need, like cookies baked for some dumb school thing, right? That's not a thing in high school, is it? Because if you do, that shit is strictly Jerry's department."
Laughing again and glad for having the moment lightened, Summer agreed, "Totes. And don't worry, I won't tell anyone about your soft side. I can keep a secret better than Grandpa, too."
"Good."
"So, he told you because he's happy for me? You sure he wasn't just bored and trying to gossip?"
"Mmmm-hmmm. But I do think he was proud of you and looking to brag a little, too. Apparently, you met this girl when you saved her from being trafficked by illegal Kuato dealers?" Summer just nodded.
"Damn, you really were holding out on me. So spill. I'm not gonna pester you with questions like 'When do I get to meet her?' – trust me, that will also be Jerry's department like, the second he finds out – but I want all the details on this, got it?"
"Sure. It all started with this party…"
Meanwhile, Morty had quickly discovered that Rick wasn't lying or even exaggerating about not sleeping well when he was sick. One minute, he'd be sound asleep, snoring loudly. The next, he'd wake himself up coughing or sneezing. Sometimes, he'd just blow his nose and mutter a complaint or two, then change positions and go back to sleep. Other times, he'd be awake for a while, drinking and watching whatever boring thing had come on the TV next.
"Fuck, isn't this shit over yet?" was a frequent question, asked in a whinier tone of voice each time.
"*SIGH!* Not yet, Rick. Try and go back to sleep." Morty would tell him, usually while looking at something on his phone and looking increasingly concerned by it.
Beth was having an ordinary, and honestly slow day at the horse hospital. Having some downtime between patients, she decided to check her phone, and discovered a number of texts from her family.
Summer: Pictures of some of the nonsense she'd had to get for Rick. A lot of it was gadgets and parts that Beth couldn't identify, and a few that she could. Crystals of many different colors, sizes and shapes. The rest looked to be a variety of alien junk food and liquor.
"Yep, nothing surprising here." Beth murmured to herself.
Space Beth: Mostly photos similar to Summer's. Then there was one of her making some friend of Rick's – Beth had met him briefly before – was his name Gear Man? – pose for the camera with her. There was a frightened look on his face, and a huge grin on SB's.
"I'm sure there's a story behind this picture. What I'm not sure is if I want to know what it is." Beth sighed.
Rick: Several paragraphs worth of random letters, symbols and emojis. A few blurry photos of the living room ceiling and floor.
"Are these drunk texts or 'Dad fell asleep on his phone' texts? I'm guessing the latter, since his drunk texts usually have at least a few actual words. Unless this is in an alien language, and these are words?" Beth puzzled, looking at the messages from a few different angles, including upside down. Determining that Rick's texts were gibberish, she moved onto Jerry. There were so many messages from Jerry.
"I have a great idea, and you're going to be so proud of me!"
"Let's never fight while we're trying to organize old VHS tapes again."
"Beth, Morty's being mean to me!"
"Do you know if Morgluxian measles are real? What about Venutian varicella or Floopfloopian ass fever? Your father won't tell me which one he made up."
"You know how I said I had a great idea earlier? Yeah, forget you ever saw that."
And of course, there were the bizarre Sailor Moon questions. Beth couldn't help noticing most of the messages had been sent both to her individually, and to their group chat with Space Beth. Not knowing how to respond to any of her family's texts, Beth was about to put her phone away, when she saw the one text from Morty.
It read, "Hey Mom, since you're sort of a doctor, I figured you were the best person to ask. Can someone actually cough up a lung? That's just a saying, right? Rick's got a nasty cough and I've seen him spit out some gnarly looking stuff a few times, but I don't think any of it was like, an organ. I just wanted to check." Beth's brow furrowed.
"Aww, poor Dad. Maybe I should go home." she worried, deciding to call Morty back instead of replying to the text.
Morty was staring at a screen that read, in increasingly ominous looking letters, "Is it a cold, The Flu, or SOMETHING WORSE?" when his phone rang. Startled by the unexpected noise, he dropped the device – directly on Rick's head, which of course woke him up.
"Oww! What the *COUGH!* fuck, Morty?! What was that for?!" he asked groggily.
"Sorry! Sorry. That was an accident. Hang on a second." Morty apologized, scrambling to grab his phone, which was now slipping between the couch cushions. Rick sat up, rubbing his forehead and throwing the blankets and his labcoat on the floor again.
"Hello?"
"Hi, Morty. I saw your text, and yes that's just an expression. Human anatomy doesn't work that way. Well, for most people, at least. I guess for your grandfather it might be possible? But unlike the average person, he'd also be able to put it right back in. So I wouldn't worry. Much. How's he doing, anyway?" Morty looked over at Rick, who was clinging to his trash can and tissue box again, while staring blankly in the general direction of the TV without really looking at it.
"Not great. You want to talk to him?"
"Yes, please."
"Here. Mom wants to talk to you."
"Huh? Oh, sure." Rick was initially confused by what Morty was saying, but grabbed the phone once his sleep and germ-addled brain caught up to what was happening.
"Hi, Dad. How are you feeling?" Beth asked worriedly.
"Eh, I've been better. But I've also been a lot *COUGH!* *COUGH!* worse. I'm okay, Beth. It's just uhhh, been a long time since I last had Mimicking Disease. Turns out it hits harder when you're a little older." Rick said, forcing a laugh and trying to make himself sound normal. Morty picked up on that immediately.
"Dad, drop the act. I talked to Space Beth, so I know that it is at least two kinds of impossible for you to have Glopydropian Mimicking Disease." Beth told him, her voice quickly going from concerned to annoyed and impatient.
"Shit. I forgot that." Rick admitted.
"Uh-huh. I also know that you just have a cold, which is normally not something worth worrying about. But my son texted me because he's concerned you might actually cough up one of your lungs. And frankly, you sound like you could. So without any further bullshitting, how are you, really? Do you need me to come home?" Rick winced at how badly he was failing at convincing Beth he was alright.
He finished off the contents of his flask for the second time that day, then, putting even more effort into trying to sound normal, said, "No, Beth. I sent you off to work at the asscrack of dawn specifically because I didn't want you around to worry over this nuisance virus and get yourself sick trying to take care of me. It's not necessary." He forced back a sneeze – fuck, that hurt.
"I guess, but what Morty said…"
"Beth, come on. You know the kid's a worrywart. You've spent 99% of your life on Earth – you've had colds before. You feel like shit, but there's nothing that wrong with you, then you're fine. *SNIFF!* I know you know this."
"*SIGH!* You do have a point. But please take it easy. Lots of rest and fluids. And do we even have any medicine for this sort of thing?"
"Um, no. Morty checked and we don't." Rick lied quickly.
"Well, I doubt you included anything that practical on the massive list you threw at Summer, so I'll get you something on my way home. You sure you're okay until then?"
"Yes, sweetie. I'm *COUGH!* fine. Or going to be, at least. Here. Talk, talk to Morty again." Rick said, tossing Morty's phone back to him. He sneezed twice in a row and started coughing immediately after.
"Morty, keep an eye on your grandfather, okay? I'm sure he's going to be alright, but just do that until I get home." Beth instructed, listening to the sound of Rick's harsh coughing in the background.
"Yeah, that's the plan, Mom."
"I do think he probably sounds worse off than he really is, so I'm not rushing home right now. But it's slow today, and I have been here since the asscrack of dawn. So I should be able to leave a few hours early. Okay, honey?"
"Yeah, I can handle things til then. Thanks, Mom."
Beth was about to say something else, when an alarm went off at St. Equine's.
"Now what?" she sighed.
The doors burst open, and a man in blue scrubs charged in yelling, "We've got 10 patients incoming! We need all hands on deck!"
"10?! What the fuck happened?" Beth asked incredulously.
Before the other doctor could answer, a man in an old-fashioned circus ringmaster costume ran in, wailing, "Who would have thought that Horses On Ice: The Musical could end in disaster like this?! That is, besides all those protesters and the actors who walked out so I had to replace them with people I found at the bus station."
Beth glared at him, then turned back to the other doctor and asked, "Do you mind if I?..."
"Go for it. The only reason I didn't is because I knew you'd go harder." he replied, grabbing up supplies from behind a counter.
Beth promptly slapped the ringmaster across the face, then without missing a beat, told Morty, "Sorry, looks like I'll be home late. Take care of Rick, and if you get a chance, try to help your dad with whatever the hell he keeps texting me about. Or maybe just hide his phone. Love you!"
"Right. Love you, too. Good luck with your horse crisis." Morty sighed, shoving his phone back in his pocket. So much for having help soon.