Chapter 6

Girl Meets Lost

"The soul which has no fixed purpose in life is lost; to be everywhere, is to be nowhere" - Michel de Montaigne

Lucas fidgeted with his hands as he stood outside of Topanga's. Through the glass door, he could see Maya, Josh, Zay, and Smackle sitting on the couch in a rousing debate about something. Zay made a joke which made Maya double over in laughter while Smackle cracked a smile at him. Josh had his arm wrapped on the back of the couch but leaned closer to Maya. They were in their own little world, how dare he try to break it up. He turned to run back up the stairs when he saw Farkle standing there with his hands shoved into his jean pockets.

"Farkle!" Lucas said startled.

Lucas wondered how long Farkle was standing there watching him, watching them, and looking for her.

"Lucas … trying to ditch?" Farkle inquired and took a step back.

That small step told Lucas that Farkle would let him run away but it will also change the dynamic of their friendship. Although the six would not admit it, they had chosen sides in the Lucas versus Riley debacle. Yet Farkle had always seemed to stay on the outskirts, staying neutral, maybe he knew something Lucas didn't. Farkle always seemed to know something but he never said anything to either of them.

"I can't do this man," Lucas confessed.

"Do what Lucas?" Farkle snapped and ran a hand through his hair.

Lucas raised an eyebrow and sighed knowing that this was not going to end well.

"This, us, the group, I just can't, I am not that guy anymore."

"No one is asking you to be that guy Lucas." Farkle snapped.

Farkle lightly kicked at the wall next to the stairs. Frustrated with Lucas Farkle let out a groan. Lucas looked down at his feet, and he tried his best to come up with an excuse but Farkle could see through the bullshit.

"You care about her Lucas, but this game you're playing is not a good one, Riley is like a sister to me, and what you did today was horrible. We get it … something more happened the day she was beaten but Lucas … you can't use that as a tool to hurt her" Farkle said.

"I didn't mean to, it just happened, I can't help it, man, I just can't, I rather create this monster than let her know who I am" Lucas confessed.

His frustration growing but one look in Farkle's eyes and he could see the hidden pent-up rage.

"And who is that Lucas?"

"Unworthy of her" Lucas confessed.

"You leave … and I will consider this friendship over" Farkle said and walked passed him into Topanga's.

Lucas had never been in this position, at least not with Farkle. Yet Farkle had given his way out, his way to disconnect from the little group sitting inside. Maya was always going to be Riley's best friend, Josh was her uncle, Smackle and Farkle were a package, and Zay, his childhood best friend barely recognized him. Yet Lucas turned to Topanga's and walked into the café. The five stopped talking and Farkle gave him a slight smirk.

"So …" Zay began.

"I have no idea where she is, I swear," Lucas said.

"I am tired of this running away thing, I am losing my mind, she is not sleeping, she is barely focused on her work and she barely eats" Maya whispered and her voice broke slightly.

"I think she just needs time," Josh chimed in and wrapped his arm around Maya.

He pulled her into his chest and sighed as Lucas fidgeted. Lucas took a seat and gripped his bag in his hand. He should have told them about her eating disorder, but was this the right time? Did he explain about the sexual assault? Was any of this his place?

"What do her parent say?" Farkle asked.

"Mrs. Matthews tells me that Riley seems to get better and then just slopes down" Zay added.

"Her dad stays away, seems like Riley is terrified of any men," Maya said.

"She doesn't even look me in the eye," Josh said and looked down to his feet.

"Why?" Smackle pondered.

Zay and Farkle looked at Lucas as if they knew more had happened that night.

"Guys Riley-" Lucas began

"I'm surprised you know my name!"

The five turned to see Riley standing behind them with a scowl and red eyes.

"Riles-" Maya was cut off by Riley's hand.

"Is this what you guys do? Talk about me when I am not around"

"Honey! No! Riles, we are just worried about you." Maya said and stood to her feet.

She reached out to Riley who yanked her arm back from Maya. Maya sighed and looked at Lucas who was staring at Riley. His eyes never leaving her face, it shifted of sadness and then he looked away. Maya could tell something more happened, something only he could fix.

"Lucas?" Maya groaned.

"Riley, you should sit, and maybe just listen to what they have to say," Lucas said and stood on his feet.

Her brown eyes square on his face and she grabbed his shirt with all her force.

"Where. Is. My. Journal?" She gritted and Lucas knew what was happening.

She knew that he knew. Her reaction was valid but he tried his best to keep his cool with the angry brunette.

"In my bag but I didn't read it" He lied.

Riley let go of Lucas and reached down for his backpack she ruffled through the mess and found the leather journal. She trembled as she snatched it out his bag and threw the bag down to the ground.

"Are you telling the truth?" Riley asked not looking at him but at the journal, inspecting for any signs he has touched it.

Lucas took a breath and slowly said "Yes."

He already lied before why should now be any different. She looked into his eyes and he took a deep breath wondering if she would push it more. Riley nodded, took one last look at her friends, and gripped her journal.

"I have to go … home." She mumbled and ran out of the bakery.

Lucas released the breath he was holding in and Zay picked up on his actions.

"So … what's in the journal Lucas?" Zay asked and Lucas tried avoiding his eyes.

"Lucas?" Maya snapped.

"Nothing I really didn't read it but … but … I got to go," He said and snatched his bag off the ground.

He leaped to his feet and followed Riley out the door. Zay jumped to own feet and ran after the tall blonde who was looking around trying to spot Riley.

"Tell me you weren't lying. Tell me that was the truth, Lucas?" Zay begged as he tried to catch Lucas's gaze.

"Zay let me talk to Riles, ok and maybe she can tell you the answer to that," Lucas said and gave up looking around.

"Lucas she is one of my best friends, please man don't do this, just tell me what's going on with her! What happened?" Zay scolded and Lucas turned to his oldest friend.

Zay was always the funny guy, the chill guy, and yet he here was begging Lucas with tears in his eyes to tell him anything. The two had never kept secrets from one another being that Zay couldn't keep one, but this secret was beyond the group of friends. It wasn't his secret.

"I can't." Lucas sighed.

Zay nodded and angrily punched the wall next to the cafe.

"Years of this bullshit with Riles but you know what she is our friend, you don't get to have this leverage thinking you can use it to make her fall in love with you. We genuinely are concern why you're using it as a bargaining chip for what! You're not Charlie, you're Lucas Friar, her tormentor."

"I know dammit Zay! I know! I fucking know it! You think this is easy for me to know that I am in love with her? To know I will never be worthy of her, to know that she is broken because of me, and I couldn't put my pride aside years ago! I am trying to fix the past, let me help her, let me be the one to fix this and to fix what I broke," Lucas pleased.

Zay stopped and looked at Lucas unsure of what to say. Zay could always figure what Lucas was up to but right now he couldn't. Zay dropped his shoulders and walked passed Lucas back into the Cafe. He paused and looked over to his shoulder at Lucas with a strained look in his eyes.

"Lucas … you hurt her again, you can forget the last seventeen years of our friendship," Zay whispered and Lucas's breathing hitched.

"You would do that Zay?" Lucas asked.

"Absolutely." Zay snapped and walked into the cafe.

Lucas shocked by Zay's world wobbled in his spot and turned back to the direction Riley walked towards. He had to do something, he had to do something now.