A/N: Trigger Warning; Sexual Abuse & Trauma

"If you don't know who you truly are, you'll never know what you really want."

― Roy T. Bennett

Riley ran the brush through her hair as she tried her best to calm her nerves, but she couldn't. She had barely slept and couldn't figure out she was going to even deal with these hidden emotions. On one hand, she was happy to understand where she stood in Lucas's life, on the other could she trust him? Could she trust herself around him?

She stared at herself in the mirror with semi-dark eye bags, her eyes tinted red from crying and the glimmer was gone. She knew all of these emotions were too much for her. As she placed the brush down she heard the knock on her window. Maya made a face as she couldn't open the window. Riley walked over and unlocked the window for her.

"When did you start locking that?" Maya asked.

"I realized having an open window in New York City wasn't one of my brightest moments," Riley said as she walked back over to her mirror.

"True but nothing has happened in seventeen years, I think you'll be fine Honey," Maya said as she plopped onto Riley's bed.

Riley sighed and turned to Maya slowly.

"I think the assailant wanted to rape me," Riley swallowed.

Maya's head snapped towards Riley with her eyes widened in shock. Her mouth gasped open as Riley trembled.

"Riles, why didn't you tell me, I'm sorry we can cement the windows, get metal bars" Maya rambled.

"Maya relax, I just need to learn to feel secure again," Riley said as Maya nodded.

"Want to talk about it?" Maya asked as she clutched Riley's bedsheets.

Riley sighed and sat next to Maya. She popped her lips and let out a soft sigh. She spoke about it with her therapist, and slightly with her mother.

"I just turned the lights off in the back when I heard the bell go, I turned to say something when I noticed they were in all black, face covered. I knew we were getting robbed but attacked …" Riley trailed off.

Maya rubbed her back and tried her best not to cry at Riley's words.

"He emptied the register, and I took a step back. I don't think he had a weapon honestly. I think the fear was enough," Riley said as she remembered.

"He reached for my bag and the bracelet Charlie got me was there, the one from our second anniversary. I begged them not to take it" Riley said as the memories flooded back.

Riley's back pressed against the coffee machine. The assailant grabbed her bag and placed it on the counter. They ruffled through it dumping out her pens and paper. It wasn't until they grabbed the small turquoise bracelet that Riley spoke.

"Please, take my phone, my wallet but not the bracelet," Riley squeaked.

She could see they were considering it and she hoped they would. If they knew how much it meant to her, they just couldn't take it.

"My boyfriend Charlie bought it for me, for our anniversary-" Riley was caught off by the fist colliding with her face.

She collapsed to the ground and crumbled. Her screams echoed as they stomped on her side. She crawled away as they grabbed the rest of her things. She pulled herself up and the chairs tipped over. The assailant shoved the table away to get to Riley who tried to run.

"Please you have everything, what more could you want," Riley cried.

She screamed when they leaped at her and dragged her behind the counter. Her hands thrashing against them as they shoveled her down. She could feel the hand snake up her skirt and pulled her underwear down as Riley screamed.

They placed their hands on her mouth and Riley cried. Her cries muffled allowed them to hear footsteps and the door open.

"Uh hello?"

Riley knew that voice and despite their history was glad to hear it. The assailant seized up and Riley felt the weight of their body disappear. She could hear the glass shatter and gasped. Lucas came over and she tried to move.

Riley?" Lucas cried and picked her head up as she cried again.

"Lucas?" She questioned as tried sitting up

Instead, he insisted that she didn't move. So she collapsed in his arms and allowed him to comfort her.

Maya was crying silently as Riley wiped the tears from her own face. Maya let out a shaky breath and turned to Riley.

"I'm sorry," Maya cried.

"It's okay well it's not but therapy is healing me," Riley said and got up from the bed.

"If you wanna ditch I won't get mad, we can go to the movies, or-" Maya began.

"I'm fine going Maya, I'm working through it besides I have my friends to support me," Riley said and grabbed her stuff.

Maya followed suit as Riley walked down to the kitchen. Topanga was placing food on the table and Riley tried her best not to make a face.

"We have to go," Riley rushed and pulled Maya from the table.

The blonde groaned as she grabbed a piece of bacon. She followed Riley out the door and was going to say something when she saw Charlie standing there.

"Cheese soufflé didn't know you were going to join us," Maya said and could see Riley with a surprised look.

"Hey?" She whispered.

"Wanted to walk my girl to school, we haven't had alone time in a while," he said and reached for Riley's hand.

She seized up and Maya intervened before he could grab it.

"You're not getting it today either, come on guys, I think I have a donut in my locker," Maya said and interlocked with Riley.

Riley relaxed and placed a smile on her face. Charlie's shoulders dejected and followed after the two. The walk was filled with mostly Maya rambling about her college applications. Riley inputs some words while Charlie advises her to work on a portfolio.

"What about you?" Riley asked and Charlie grinned.

She knew she wasn't being the best girlfriend but she had to show him it wasn't him. Charlie's face lit up as he talked about his schools, and that he aligned his choices with hers. She tried her best to fake a smile but she couldn't.

"What? I thought we agreed we're going to the same college?" Charlie asked and stopped.

His face contoured in anger and Maya took a step back. Riley looked at her feet before stumbling over her words.

"I don't know anymore Charlie," Riley confessed.

"What college? Us?" Charlie asked.

"All of it," Riley said and Charlie scoffed.

He shook his head in anger and walked away from the two. He didn't look back, and Riley tried to say something. Maya stepped near Riley and rubbed her back for the second time that day. The two girls followed Charlie's path and found themselves at school. The rest of their crew slowly assembled by the time they reached their lockers.

"Tonight is my first shift back at work," Zay said as Riley nodded.

"You okay sunshine?" Zay asked.

"I think I broke up with Charlie," Riley confessed.

Farkle and Smackle stopped looking over their homework and turned to Riley. They watched her face, as Riley looked more lost than sad. Maya's head was in her locker looking for the donut and popped it out.

"She's also considering not going to college," Maya mumbled as she ate her donut.

"Riles," Farkle began.

"Hey,"

They turned to see Lucas with his book bag. He looked unsure of himself and Riley smiled at him. His insecurity melted away as the other four watched suspiciously.

"Hey," she said and he grinned.

"What the fuck is this?!" Zay exclaimed.

Riley's eyes widened and she felt herself feel small. Lucas gave Zay a deadpan and rolled his eyes.

"See you in class," Lucas said as he addressed the group but stared at Riley.

She nodded as the rest mumbled sure. He walked away and Zay placed his hands up for an explanation. Riley sighed and closed her locker before shrugging.

"Tell me you didn't break up with Charlie for Lucas," Zay pleaded.

"What! Of course not beside I'm not sure if we're broken up," Riley squeaked.

"Good, keep your mind clear of Friar," Zay said as the bell rang.

The five rushed goodbyes and ran towards their prospective classes. Riley sighed as she entered her AP English course. She didn't break up with Charlie for Lucas.

Right?

Riley avoided the cafeteria after Charlie gave her the cold shoulder in Chemistry. Instead, she opted to sit in her father's empty classroom and write. As she sat in the class writing in her notebook she could feel the tension from her father. He allowed her to sit in the room during his free period in hopes that maybe they could talk. Cory drummed his fingers on his desk before opening his Tupperware.

"Carrot?" He asked as Riley looked up.

"Sure," Riley said and Cory smiled brightly.

He brought the Tupperware over and she grabbed two sticks. He grabbed one and sat on his desk.

"Why aren't you sitting with your friends, sweetie?" Cory asked.

"Charlie, we're not doing good," Riley said honestly.

She played with the carrot stick before she took a small bite. He sighed and tried his best to give his teenage daughter advice.

"It's because I'm not sure about college anymore," Riley continued.

"Oh .. are you thinking of not going or …" Cory trailed off.

College was something he and Topanga wanted for both of their children. However he knew with whatever Riley was going through right now, they didn't know what she wanted. Riley took another bite which made Cory smile a bit. She was a nervous eater but at least she was eating something.

"I don't know anymore Dad! Everything is changing so fast, and what if I am not good enough?" Riley whispered.

"Riley you are in the top five percent of your graduating class, you're well-liked and I am pretty sure no I am confident you are more than enough," Cory said astonishedly with his daughter.

"What if I don't want to be tied to Charlie my whole life, what if we both make mistakes to follow the other but end up resenting the other?" Riley asked.

"Riles, does this have to do with … Lucas?" Cory asked.

"No! Why does everyone think all of a sudden I make my life decisions based on Lucas?!" Riley snapped.

She sat back in her seat and shrunk slightly. Cory hit a nerve he didn't even know was exposed and took his place back into his seat.

"Riley I ask because … you were sure a few months ago and now … you're not and the only thing that is different is … him," Cory said and swallowed.

"No Dad, I have changed too, and my passions are non-existent," Riley said and stared back down at her notebook, and saw everything crossed out.

As the bell rang Cory walked behind his desk and started to write on the board. Riley finished the carrot and pulled out her history book from her bag. Everyone trickled in slowly and she tried to keep a neutral face.

Her dad's words resonating in her head.

"Okay, guys today we're doing something different!" Cory announced and clapped his hands.

The class groaned and Cory laughed before taking his place in front of the class.

"College, you should all be applying right? Why?" Cory asked.

"To get jobs?" Zay answered.

"Because our parents are making us!" Billy yelled.

"Finding our passion?" Lucas answered as Riley turned to him.

"All good reasons, some do it to further their education, some do go for their parents, but why are you going to college?" Cory asked.

"Can anyone tell me what happened on February 20th, 1962?" Cory asked.

The classmates looked at one another and turned to Smackle and Farkle. The two geniuses shared a look and sighed but it was Zay who spoke up.

"The United States took its orbital spaceflight," Zay stated which made Cory smile.

"Mr. Baubeniux you've been studying?" Cory asked.

"Don't get a big head Matthews it interested me because of Katherine Johnson," Zay as the class chuckled.

"Perfect, that's where I was going with this, Katherine Johnson was who?" Cory continued.

"One of the "human" computers for NASA," Riley chimed in.

"So she helped?" Cory asked.

"Not exactly" Zay mused.

"I'm pretty sure she did Zay," Maya said.

"No I'm saying she dominated, those guys helped her, it's because she's a woman, a black woman that credit wasn't given to her until after she deserved it," Zay exclaimed.

"That is your project, right there," Cory said and pointed to Zay.

"I'm doing my project on Zay?" Maya asked.

"No, that passion Zay has is your project. You guys will be partnered with someone for the rest of the year and choose a historical figure that best represents something you're passionate about, if you don't have a passion, get ready to find one," Cory said.

Riley turned to Maya who grinned and the two interlocked hands.

"There's a twist, a method to my madness," Cory said.

Everyone looked at him with puzzlement. He smiled and said something that sent everyone into a slight panic.

"You cannot partner up with anyone you have worked with these last few months or Junior year," Cory said.

Maya and Riley dropped their hands and both their mouths opened. The two girls turned to their friends trying to find someone. Riley hesitated, she had already worked with Zay and Maya this year. Last year she partnered with Farkle and Charlie. She knew that left

"Smackle!" Maya screamed and pointed to the brunette who raised her eyebrows.

"I call dibs," Maya said as Riley's mouth dropped open.

Farkle and Zay claimed partnership and she turned to Charlie. He was already in deep conversation with Darby, about something. Yogi was bugging Billy, Sarah and Yindra were laughing.

"Everyone good?" Cory asked as he began to write on the board.

Riley sighed and frowned at her father. She didn't understand what game he was playing but she was alone. This assignment was not going to fix her.

"I … I …" Riley began.

"I'll be your partner Riley,"

His exclamation made everyone turn to him. The two hadn't been partners since middle school, and now they had no one except one another. She glanced over to Charlie who was staring at them, his eyes squared on Lucas. Everyone was silent waiting on Riley's answer.

"Okay Lucas," Riley said and he smiled.

Riley turned to the board and let out a shaky breath.

What the hell did she get herself into?