A/N: Thank you for all the love on this fic! I appreciate every single comment!
"Life has many ways of testing a person's will, either by having nothing happen at all or by having everything happen all at once." — Paulo Coelho
The drapes were drawn, and the lights were off. The darkness allowed her to melt into herself. Riley sat at the bay window, with her knees tucked under her chin as she cried softly. The sun had begun to set, and it allowed her room to darken by the minute. She didn't want to leave this room, not for a long while.
A knock broke her out of her thoughts and she saw Maya on the fire escape. Riley had locked the window as soon as she got home. She unlocked the window and Maya crept into the room slowly. Riley moved over to allow Maya to sit next to her, and the two sat in silence. Maya sighed and turned to Riley who sniffled.
"I don't know how to start or fix this," Maya whispered and Riley sighed.
"You can't … what happened?" Riley asked and Maya played with her fingers.
Riley had been shuffled away after her accusation by Cory and rushed her out of the school. She felt Lucas slip from her fingers as security pulled everyone away. Cory had shoved her into an Uber and Riley watched him disappear back into the school.
"Cops came, they took Billy away but I don't know what else happened with him. Farkle, Smackle, and I directed Lucas and Zay out another way. Charlie just disappeared. I made sure the boys got home okay and I rushed over," Maya said.
Riley nodded and kept her knees tucked underneath her. Maya was hesitant but she placed her hand on Riley's back. Riley sniffled and burst into tears as Maya caressed her back. Maya wrapped her arms around Riley as she sobbed in her arms.
"This will be fixed Riles, we will figure this out" Maya soothed.
"I should have known," Riley confessed and Maya pulled away.
"What do you mean?" Maya asked.
"Billy has always hated me, god, any time I tried to talk to him, he brushed me off, for years I could never get him to like me, and this whole time, he was the one who attacked me!" Riley cried.
"How sure are you? That is a big accusation, not that I don't believe you, but how do you know?" Maya asked.
"My underwear, um he mentioned the ones I was wearing that day. Who would know that, unless you've seen them? Charlie and I have never gone that far? How would he know Maya? How?" Riley asked.
"I believe you, don't worry Riles I believe you," Maya soothed.
Riley heard the front door open and closed, and seized in Maya's arms. She heard the familiar voices of her parents, and she could hear them come closer to her room. Soft knocks stifled Riley and she whispered for them to come in.
Topanga opened the door and flicked the switch to illuminate the room. Both of her parents looked at her, and she could see that they both had the same look. Heartbroken and angry, but also fear of how to approach her.
"Oh honey," Topanga said and Riley sniffled.
Topanga walked over and smoothed Riley's hair. Riley started to sob once more in her mother's arms. Cory stayed his distance and stood in the doorway. Riley clutched Topanga as she cried and tried to talk.
"Riley breathe," Maya whispered and rubbed Riley's back.
"I don't want to go to school, please don't make me go, please Mom, can I just stay home?" Riley asked.
"Honey … you can take a few days, but you can't hide out in your room. Look we are going to get him, I will not allow him to take any more of your life. I promise you," Topanga said and Riley sniffled.
"Mom, everyone knows, I can't do it anymore! I can't do any of this anymore," Riley cried.
"Do what?" Cory asked.
"Live," Riley cried.
"Riles don't talk like that!" Maya said.
"No! I … I hate myself! I hate all of this! I wish I would die!" Riley cried
"Riley?" Topanga said as she tried to understand Riley's outburst.
"Look let's eat some dinner and then-" Cory stated.
"No! I don't want to eat!" Riley screamed.
"Riley," Maya whispered.
"No! No! No!" Riley screamed and sobbed.
Topanga looked at Cory with wide eyes as Riley trembled in her seat.
"Riley, honey, please talk to me," Topanga asked.
"I just want it all to stop, please," Riley cried.
"Riles, we are here for you, please don't talk like that," Maya whispered.
"Riley honey, do you feel … Do you feel like you might harm yourself?" Topanga asked.
"I am always hurting," Riley confessed.
"Oh, honey please don't think like that!" Topanga said.
"I just want to sleep," Riley whispered dejectedly.
"Okay, we will let you do that," Cory said.
Both Maya and Topanga were hesitant to leave Riley alone, but they directed her to the bed. Maya tucked Riley in, who was still sniffling and sat next to her.
"I'm going to stay till you fall asleep," Maya said and Riley began to protest.
"Thunder," Maya interrupted.
"Lightning," Riley whispered and closed her eyes.
Maya turned to Cory and Topanga, she nodded for them to leave. Maya ran her fingers through Riley's hair as they left. Maya sniffled a bit as Riley's breath evened out. Once Maya knew Riley was asleep she let a few tears fall herself.
Maya wandered into the Matthew's kitchen and saw both Cory and Topanga holding mugs. They sat at the table with somber looks and Maya joined them. Her eyes were red from crying the last twenty minutes and exhaustion.
"She has an eating disorder," Maya whispered.
"We know," Cory said and Maya's head snapped towards him.
"What?" Maya asked.
"We've known for a while sweetie, we have been monitoring her, and her therapist has been working on it with her," Topanga said.
"Why didn't anyone tell me?" Maya asked,
"It was her business, something she needs to work through," Cory said.
"But an eating disorder? Now she may be talking about suicide. This isn't okay, she isn't okay!" Maya cried.
"We know Maya, we have been talking for the last half an hour about maybe admitting her to the hospital," Cory said.
"She needs us," Maya said.
"She does but she also needs medical help," Topanga said,
Maya wiped her face and sighed. They heard a knock on the door, and then the door opened slowly. Josh poked his head through and Maya sniffled. He walked into the living room with tired eyes and a frown. Seeing Josh set something off in her and she got up from the table. She ran into his open arms and started to cry. He soothed her and kissed the crown of her head. She clutched his shirt and he looked at Cory and Topanga. He could see the tiredness in their eyes and sadness themselves.
"Hey," Josh whispered.
"Thanks for coming," Cory said and Josh nodded.
"I'm so glad you're here," Maya whispered to Josh.
"Of course sunshine," Josh whispered into her ear.
"Lucas is downstairs and I think he's contemplating coming upstairs," Josh said as he directed Maya to the couch.
"I should go talk to him," Maya said and wiped her eyes.
"Let me," Cory said as he got up from his seat.
He walked towards Josh and squeezed his shoulder. Josh kissed Maya's crown once more and wrapped his arms around her. Cory left the apartment and let his tears begin to fall. He couldn't come apart in front of everyone, he had to stay strong. However it was proving to be difficult, he had to stop himself from attacking Billy Ross after Riley's accusation. He wiped his eyes and walked down the hallway. He walked outside and saw Lucas standing there. He was in his jean jacket with his hands shoved into the pockets. The blonde was brooding and looking up at Riley's window.
"You okay?" Cory asked.
"Oh sorry Mr. Matthews, I saw Josh and I was going to come up but …" Lucas trailed off.
"I know Lucas," Cory said and sat down on the brownstone steps.
"I feel like I let her down," Lucas said and sat next to Cory.
"You didn't son," Cory said.
"Billy attacked her, I believe her, and I want to rip his head off," Lucas growled.
"Lucas," Cory warned.
"I'm sorry sir," Lucas sighed.
"I feel the same, but right now we need to focus on Riley," Cory said.
"How is she? I should have come right after school but … I was too angry, and I didn't want to upset her anymore," Lucas said,
"She's sleeping right now but you could still come upstairs, we are going to wake her up to try to eat, we could use your help," Cory said and Lucas nodded.
"She needs you, Lucas," Cory said.
"Does she?" Lucas croaked.
Cory turned to him, and the tears were streaming down Lucas's face. Cory sighed and pulled him into a hug, Lucas cried into Cory's shoulders, as Cory teared up himself.
"She does Lucas, she does," Cory whispered.
"No Charlie is right I ruin her, Billy used to be my friend, I heard him say horrible things about Riley and I never stopped it. Maybe I could have prevented everything," Lucas cried.
"Lucas you can't be responsible for others' actions just your own," Cory said as he pulled back.
Cory gripped Lucas's shoulders and looked him right in his eyes. Tears welled in both of their eyes as Lucas started to cry once more. Cory felt his heartbreak as he watched the boy he watched grow, crumble into himself. Cory knew it was more than today's discoveries but the last three years between Riley and Lucas. It finally reached the point of breaking down for all of them.
"We love you," Cory said and kept Lucas's gaze.
"You are family, we do not hate you, we do not blame you, Lucas you saved her, you saved Riley. Do you hear me?" Cory asked.
Lucas sniffled and nodded his head slowly.
"God," Cory sighed and pulled Lucas into another hug.
Cory couldn't wrap his head around it but watching Lucas, Maya, and Riley break down took a toll on him. He knew that Farkle, Zay, and Isadora had their feelings to deal with this. He hoped that their parents were helping them shuffle through this mess. Lucas pulled away and wiped his nose on the sleeve of his jean jacket.
"I'm going to head up, come upstairs Lucas, eat something, and just … be with us," Cory said as Lucas sighed.
Lucas knew he should go upstairs and deal with everything but he was scared to let Riley down. He wanted to be angry and sad but he also had to be a solid force for her. He rubbed his hands together and nodded. The two stood up and cleaned their faces before heading upstairs.
Once inside the apartment, Lucas glanced at Maya and Josh on the couch. Maya curled in Josh's arms, her eyes bloodshot and Josh with a look of anger and sadness. Topanga and Auggie at the table working on homework but both of them looked lost in thought. Maya sat up and she exchanged a look with Lucas. Lucas gave her a small smile as he closed the door behind him. Cory walked over to Topanga and brought her out of her thoughts.
Topanga nodded to something he said and ruffled Auggie's hair. Lucas watched them work in sync as Topanga grabbed her phone to make a call. Cory leaned over to help Auggie with his homework, in a quiet exchange.
"Hey man," Josh greeted and Lucas gave him a nod.
"Huckleberry," Maya said her voice groggy and soft.
"Shortstack," Lucas softly joked back and Maya gave a half-smile.
"She's in her room sleeping," Maya said and Lucas nodded.
He hadn't moved from his spot by the doorway, and he looked around the room. This was Riley's family and he felt he was intruding on their moments. He wanted to turn around and escape or run to Riley but he just stood there.
"Pepperoni?" Topanga called out.
Everyone nodded not really caring but still wanting to give her an answer. Lucas fidgeted and Maya sighed.
"Sit," Maya instructed and Lucas walked over to the couch and sat far from the cuddled couple.
"How are you?" She asked.
"Fine," Lucas lied.
"Liar," Maya retorted which garnered a look from Josh.
"How do you expect me to be Maya?" Lucas asked exhausted.
"It's okay to not be fine, it's okay," Maya whispered.
"I know but not in front of her," Lucas confessed.
"It would be nice for her to see you act human, you're bottling as much as she is," Maya said.
Lucas sighed and rubbed his hands on his jeans. Maya's words affected him but he didn't want to admit it to her.
"Maybe you should check on her," Josh suggested and Maya began to protest.
"She's resting, she is tired-"
"Maya I said for him to check on her not wake her," Josh interrupted.
Maya sat back in her seat and cast a look at Lucas. He seemed hesitant but got to his feet. He looked over to Cory and Topanga who gave him the okay to go to Riley's room. He smiled and quickly escaped the suffocating living room. His pace slowed as he neared her door and he could feel his heart racing.
He would see her after discovering Billy's transgressions and he didn't know how to be there for her. Lucas wanted to go to the Ross's home and just hurt Billy but he wasn't even sure if the police released him. Another thing that gave him anxiety for Riley. Billy could be roaming the streets free, and she could possibly run into him. He needed to protect her, he needed to make sure she was okay.
Lucas slowly opened Riley's bedroom door and was met with pitch-black darkness. He flicked the switch and the room illuminated. Riley was curled up into a ball on her bed, deep in sleep. Her face reddened, and wet from crying to sleep. Lucas leaned in the doorframe and watched her sleep. Knowing she was safe in her bed, made it a bit easier for him to breathe. He could protect her, he could make sure no one caused her harm. He doesn't know how much time had passed but he could see Riley stir in her sleep. She sat up abruptly and Lucas raised his hands out.
"It's me, it's Lucas and you're home," He said from the doorway.
He could see her chest rising quickly as a panicked look appeared on her face. She ran a hand through her hair and exhaled slowly. She rubbed her eyes and groaned softly.
"Can I come in?" Lucas asked.
"Yeah," She whispered as he walked into the room.
She rubbed her face and then sat criss-cross on her bed. Lucas hesitantly sat down on the edge of her bed and looked at her hands. They trembled slightly and he could hear her trying to catch her breath.
"Had a bad dream?" He asked.
"Yeah, but I don't want to talk about it," Riley said.
He nodded as Riley played with her fingers. The two sat in silence as Riley tried to reassure herself she was safe. Lucas stayed with her in silence and allowed her to take her time.
"Your mom is ordering pizza," He said.
"I'm not hungry," Riley said.
"Riley you need to eat," Lucas said.
"You know don't you," She said and looked up at him.
She locked their gaze and he knew what she was asking him. She was asking if he knew about her eating disorder and he didn't want to lie to her anymore.
"Yes," He said.
Riley bit her lip and nodded to his confession. She leaned her head back to stop the tears and sighed.
"I don't want to eat," Riley said.
"I know but I need you to eat," Lucas said.
"Why? Why? Why! To live?" Riley said.
"Hey don't talk like that," Lucas said and motioned for her to look at him.
"Why not? It would make everyone's life easier if-"
"No, it wouldn't! It would not, don't talk like that. I need you, Riley. I need you in my life, without you I have been on a track that leads to nothing but bad choices. I need you, with you … my world is better," Lucas confessed.
"It is?" She asked.
"Of course, always has been," Lucas said.
Riley nodded and leaned back on her bed. She stared at the ceiling and sighed.
"Can I just rest a little longer? Then I will eat a slice," Riley said as Lucas nodded.
"Sure, I'll be in the living room-"
"Can you stay?" Riley whispered.
"You sure?" He asked.
"Yes, please," Riley whispered.
Lucas took off his jean jacket and tossed it on her computer chair. He looked at the space next to her on the bed and then the floor. He decided it was best to go with the floor and give her the space she needed. He laid back on the floor and stared at the ceiling with her. They both laid in silence and Riley leaned her hand out for his. Lucas apprehensively grabbed her hand and interlocked their fingers. As the minutes dwindled by the two had fallen asleep with their fingers interlocked with one another.