Alicia

I grew up watching him, the Doctor. Turning up out of nowhere, never knowing where he was going or if I would see him again. Until eventually I was forced to live with him. My story is a complicated one with twists and turns in multiple ways. I'll try not to lose you on the way but you may find yourself losing your footing as I did many times, figuratively and dimensionally. Good luck keeping up.

My first memory of the Doctor is when I was six years old. I don't know if you could call this a memory or a dream but the day the Doctor came I already knew who I was looking at. Because he'd already introduced himself to me once before. Last night.

It was a great dream. It started with me waking up to see half of my room had turned into the night sky then I could see a blue box coming towards me but instead of stopping at this strange blue thing (I didn't know what it was then) I went through it. Inside there was a man who was sitting on the floor with his eyes shut then he opened his eyes, looked at me and simply said 'Hello'. I said 'What are you doing in my room?' 'I'm not in you're..' he looked around, so did I and he simply said 'oh'. He could see my room behind me and I could see wherever he was. 'Sorry about this, I'm the Doctor' He said. That was it. The dream faded away and I woke up in my normal room with my mum trying to get me up for school.

I suppose I had better call this my second memory then. So to recap, after I had a strange dream involving my bedroom, a strange blue box, some stars and a man with spiky hair I woke up and my dream decided to come with me.

I was in class when my deputy headteacher, Mr Hansel came to get me. I wasn't one for getting into trouble but the thought was still at the back of my mind.

When Mr Hansel opened his door he was there. Standing with his hands in his long coat and smiling. I don't know why, it wasn't as if I knew what he was doing there, my mouth was open just from looking at the man.

This tall gangly man in a pinstriped suit, unable to speak because of the shock when we see each other.

Then he introduced himself. Again.

Doctor

For some reason I am finding myself telling the headteacher I need to see a six year old. I can't quite control what I'm doing. I left the TARDIS and Rose in a storage cupboard.

Rose doesn't know what I'm doing. I can't tell her about Alicia. That would be... wrong?

I was lucky I ran into the Headteacher. He agreed to stay outside while I talk to Alicia Bennett. I know it's her. I don't know how I know, but I do.

I don't even know what I'm here for, just to see her for the first time? Why do I need to see her in the first place? Well, we're here now so I had better make a good first impression.

But it's been decades, no centuries since I've had to talk to a child because of things like this. Whatever this is. Though I'm beginning to guess what this is.

When she comes into the room, I don't know what she's going to do. If I'm right then no other human has ever had this experience. I've only got one thing to go on, my instincts and right now I feel like a dad again. It's been such a long time...

So I bring myself down to her height. She's looking at me like she already knows who I am. I guess it's possible. Still, first impressions...

"Hello, I'm the Doctor." Simple, easy. For both of us.

"But I'm not ill." It's almost like she's joking. Is she joking?

"No you're not." It came out naturally, as though we both know what we're talking about.

She seems very comfortable. That's a good sign.

"Alicia, do you know who I am?" I'm curious how much she knows.

"You're the Doctor?" Sarcasm, at her age? "And you're mine?" And finally a little instability.

"What." It wasn't quite a question. She thought she knew the answer. It was almost like she was asking me if I knew the answer too. What do I say!

"Are you okay?" I must have been quiet to long.

"Yeah, just not what I thought you were going to say."

"Am I right? You are mine."

I make several false starts trying to answer her. My throat is dry and my mouth seems to move by itself trying to create words that aren't ready to come out yet.

"Alicia, you are very important to me." I pause. "I will be with you forever. Whatever you need from me you will get. When you aren't with me I will find you. I'll never let you down. I promise. But, I have to go now, I'll see you later, okay?"

I hope that gets across what I want it to mean.

"Um, okay." She looks sad but I really do have to go. Then she bites her lip.

She falls against me and gives me a hug before leaving.

Before she reaches the door I stop her.

"Alicia wait!" She turns around. I slip an old phone out of my pocket and put a single number in it.

"If you ever need me press this button. " I show her how to use speed dial. "And make sure you keep that hidden. You don't want anyone to take it."

Then I watch her leave.

She's a child. A human child, she shouldn't even know what consent is yet, but the way she just talked to me she sounded older. Not old enough but not six. And I have morals. I've been a father before and it'll stay that way until she's ready to come to terms with what's happened. She'll be in control of that part the whole time.

Yes, she'll be in control. All I have to do is keep her safe. Right?

Alicia

Somehow I knew how much those words meant to him and they meant just as much to me. I was sure I'd keep him to them in the future, and I did.

As I got older I began to think of those words a bit like voodoo. All day before Mr Hansel had come to get me I began to feel different. Somehow, older. I knew things I didn't the night before. There were instincts to. Very basic instincts, like how a baby knows it's mother when it's born. That kind of instinct. Except now that 'mother' was the Doctor.

I had very little of what you would call a 'normal' childhood. It started right then.

My friends all decided I was acting weird and left. I didn't manage to find any new one's either. Not until high school, because that's where everyone started catching up with me...

That was only the beginning. My parents started acting strange to and when the school called them to tell them I started a fight they took me to the doctors, who sent me to a psychiatrists, who sent me back again.

First they thought that I had autism because of my dislike with being with children my age. Then I had ADHD because I never payed attention and boy was I hyperactive. The pills piled higher and higher.

Then some genius decided to give me a hormone test and an MRI. Two weeks later I was on 'The pill'. I was 10.

They put me on contraceptive medication. I still don't know what made them do it. Maybe I said something to a psychiatrist they didn't like.

I still went to the psychiatrists, they decided I had PTSD.

You could say the first day I met Him was the last day of my childhood. I still have much to tell you before I'd even gone through all this.

So, lets go back in time, to not long after the Doctor came to see me when I was six...

Rose

When the Doctor got back in the TARDIS he sank into the closest shabby seat. Rose looked on unnoticed from the console.

"So, this personal business. Is it over with?"

He hid the surprised jump by leaping to the console.

"Far from it. We're just getting started."

Rose got the feeling that the situation was grave, but she was frustrated that he wasn't telling her anything. Early this morning she'd found him unconscious on the floor and since then he'd been acting.. different. All he'd said when she'd asked was that he may have done something terrible, or wonderful. Possibly both.

"Where are we going?"

"Omaria, or 'mercy'. The people are so obsessed with peace they got rid of marriage and created a ritual which basically makes the two so involved it's impossible to be apart from each other. That's the theory anyway."

A chill went up Rose's spine. "What exactly is going on?" She asked, picking up on the hidden hint in his rambling.

"I need to talk to someone" Evasive as ever.

"You always need to 'talk' to someone. Now talk to me. What are you hiding? "

The Doctor went to walk out the door when the phone rang.

"I didn't think that phone worked." The Doctor motioned for her to be quiet. She didn't know only one person had that number.

He gulped slightly before picking up. "Hello?"

No one answered. Instead he heard muffled voices in the background. One seemed to be a man, the other could have been a child.

He listened hard.

"You won't make a sound, will you? Promise me."

"Y, yes."

"Promise me!"

"I promise, I promise!"

"Quiet! Or do I have to make myself clear?"

Silence.

"Good. You won't tell a soul about this. If you do, next time I'll make you do things you haven't even dreamt of yet. Got it?"

Silence.

"Promise me."

There was no answer until there was a whimper, but no sound of a smack.

"I promise. " Was heard quietly in the background.

"Then I'll begin."

The Doctor heard folds of material before realising the truth of what was happening at the other end of the phone.

He slammed down the phone and returned to the console more serious than Rose had seen him in a long time.

"Now where are we going?" Rose sighed.

"You're not going anywhere. This is for me to deal with. Alone."

They landed in the Powell Estate. "What is so terrible you're making me leave first?"

"I have to go, Rose. I'm sorry."

Rose kicked a nearby bin after watching him leave.

"Now what's he done." Jackie Tyler complained to her daughter as she walked in, clearly angry.

"I don't know mum, he won't tell me. He just said it was some personal business he had to deal with alone and dropped me off here." Rose went to make a cup of tea and then tried to hide a tear in her arm as she sulked.

Doctor

After finally getting Rose to leave while apologising I immediately went to Alicia's house.

I knocked on the door trying not to be suspicious. When no one answered I opened the door myself and quietly but quickly searched every room until I saw them.

It was a horrible sight and I was enraged and disgusted.

"Get away from her!" I shouted, startling the man. As soon as Alicia knew I was here she struggled but the man pinned her down even while turning to see me.

"How did you get in here? Who did you tell!"

He shouted the last at Alicia and went to hit her but I stopped him.

I knocked him out and checked on Alicia.

"Get dressed, quickly. Come with me."

I checked the man was still unconscious before we left.

Alicia was still clutching my hand when we got to the TARDIS. I unlocked it and led her to the rarely used infirmary.

I sat her on the bed. I didn't want to do this but... better it be done by someone she trusts, right?

"Do you mind if I take a look?"

She nodded. This isn't something I was expecting to deal with when I realised what I'd done just a few hours ago.

"Tell me to stop whenever you want. I just need to see how bad the damage is."

I started at the top, hoping that it wouldn't be to scary the lower I got.

"Who was he?" I asked looking at some well placed bruises over a week old.

"My uncle."

I glanced upwards.

"Does he live with you?"

"No, he comes to babysit me sometimes. "

I frowned at more bruises. All of them were easily hidden.

"Is he always like this?"

"Most of the time."

There was a chinese burn that could be blamed on children.

"Alicia is it okay if I look?" I pointed down. She didn't look very confident. "It's okay if you don't want me to."

She nodded.

"Okay. I need you to lie back. This won't take long."

It didn't. Even a quick look showed tearing. What had he done to her?

"I'm done."

I turned around so she could sort herself out.

We went to the police after that. I told them I heard screaming from the house. I waited with Alicia until her mother picked her up and spent a few days mulling the situation over before picking up Rose.

The police eventually found her uncle guilty of pedophilia and physical abuse. Social services removed Alicia when her family were also found guilty of neglect. Apparently they knew what was going on.

Some time later

Rose

Ever since the Doctor had started acting strange he hadn't let Rose out of the TARDIS when they stopped. She knew she'd be staying behind this time too.

"I'll just stick around here. I'm sure you don't want me getting in the way." She snapped.

Her anger soon simmered down on her own. She tried to get the TARDIS to show her well anything helpful but it completely ignored her so she hit it and sulked. The TARDIS had been particularly loyal recently.

Doctor

With a sorrowful smile I left to walk through domed buildings, Rose had sounded just like Jackie then. I reached a particularly large red building with orange hexagonal windows. The person who answered the door was a blue hominid, completely different to the sandy landscape and red buildings.

"I need to see Clman." He is the head priest on Omaria.

The hominid shut the door in my face only for it to be opened again by Clman moments later.

"Doctor, oh dear. You'd better come in." The Amorans are telepathic, Clman knew what I was worried about immediately. He took me to a private room with some comfortable looking sofa's.

"What do I do?" I asked, helpless.

"Would you like a drink, Doctor. Some Mandala tea perhaps?"

I waved it off, I don't have time for tea.

"Have some anyway, you're going to need it."

I still denied the offer.

"Alright. It would be a good idea to tell your friend. Rose is it?"

"She understands." I hope she does, this is a bit of an unusual time though. The looks she's been giving me...

"Apparently not this time. Your lack of communication is frustrating for her."

"Well, I can't tell her. It wouldn't be right for her to find out before Alicia. Especially after what Alicia's been through already."

"You've already met her then. Your Guandan already knows, it's part of the process."

"What?"

"You're Guandan, Doctor. You went to see her, more than once."

"Alicia. My, Guandan? What's a Guandan?"

"It's a partner, wife, husband, the other half. In your case you'll be father and partner. All very diminutive descriptions of this relationship, and I'm interested to see that so far the.." Clman paused trying to find the right word. "instincts are not much different from in our own species."

"Instincts? What do you mean instincts? Hang on. You said Alicia already knows about this. What exactly does she know? What should I be expecting?"

Some Mandala tea would be great about now actually, the thought passed briefly through my mind. Apart from this being more confusing than I already suspected I'm beginning to feel anxious.

"Well, I can't say for sure. As for the instincts I've never seen this in another species but normally the one who took the initiative, that's you Doctor, would be feeling a great territorial protectiveness. You might want to keep an eye on any other changes as well."

"And Alicia? What about her?"

Some tea was brought in. I immediately poured myself a cup. It's so soothing. What is in that tea? I thought.

"It's just a native flower. Alicia will be safe for now. She knows who you are though. She also has instincts about the two of you. I can't say what will happen to her either. She will be just as protective about you as you are of her. It would be best to do the Ritual of Allegiance as soon as possible."

"Now? But she's six!." I wish this had never happened. The Ritual of Allegiance isn't something to be taken lightly. The risks can be quite big if it goes wrong.

"That doesn't matter. She could be 6 months and it wouldn't make any difference Doctor." Clman didn't let even a hint of frustration into his voice while mine started to go high as my throat constricted.

"I'm still not sure about this. What will happen, will Alicia be in any danger?"

"No, she'll be perfectly safe. Now, if you don't mind, can you go and get her?"

On the way back to the TARDIS I considered telling Rose. I don't want her to hate me. Not telling her could mean her leaving, but so could telling her, and I would prefer her optimism in all of this. It's decided then, I'll try to tell Rose, as gently as possible, what's happened. Except about when I left her behind before...

Rose

"Do you know how long you've been? I've been sitting here for hours, waiting."

I was sitting with my legs on the console, glaring at him. His face twitched into a smile. That's unusual. I've never seen him twitch before.

"I'm always in trouble."

Then he walked towards me quite seriously.

"Rose, I need to talk to you."

I put my anger away and became serious myself, I waited with bated breath for him to say something else. It took a long time.

"You know I told you I had some personal business,"

I nodded.

"And that the Amorans, the people here got rid of marriage?"

Again, I nodded, remembering how I'd picked up on that before.

"When they made that ritual I mentioned, it was universal. Anyone can do it."

"I don't understand." This is just weird and I've seen a lot of weird.

"All species in the universe can receive the question enveloped in the ritual. But only one person in all of those thousands of billions of people will reply."

"I still don't get it." At least I hope I don't.

"I..." He's looking me in the eyes, pleading with me. Oh god I've got to say it. I breathed in a deep breath and took a guess.

"You did this ritual and I'm guessing you got a response." I choked on the words. He looked down in shame.

"Rose, I have no idea what I'm doing."

What's that supposed to mean?

I know that really I should be feeling sorry for him and probably whoever was on the other end, but in this moment all I feel is jealousy. I've been with this guy for how long and he hasn't even looked at me! Whoever it is is already taking him away from me and now I know why, which makes it worse. Why couldn't it have been me? Why them? Do they even know what's going on?

"Listen to me, Rose. Things are going to happen and I have no idea what they could be. I want you to stay but you need to be alert. Do you understand?"

Now I'm scared, very scared and I feel sick. What has he learnt on that planet?

"Do you understand?" He almost shouted at me.

"Yes, stay alert. Could you let go of me now Doctor." He has a hard grip on my shoulders and I'm not sure he knows about it. He let go and sighed.

"Sorry." He turned to the console drawing a hand down his face. He's started losing it.

"It's fine." It's not fine, this is definitely not okay. He's scaring me, and his voice just now. I know that voice, but it's never been aimed at me before. That is a bad warning.

"There's something else too. We have to go and get her."

"What?" My voice is shaky. I don't like this, I'm even considering going home. It's also the first time the Doctor could possibly have been about to attack me. But he needs me and I'll never leave him while he needs me.

"Who is she?" There are some things I need to know. It just so happens they're things I want to know as well.

He sighed.

"Listen, she's a bit younger than you so.." Oh no, please no.

"How old?" I say flatly.

He grabbed his hair and started having a small personal tantrum against himself.

"Doctor, calm down." I look carefully at him. He seems to be having some trouble. Then he uncurled himself.

"Right, yes, sorry." He leaned on the console. "I can't do this, I have to take you home."

"But,"

I can tell he's trying hard not to shout at me. "I promised your mother I would keep you safe, you're not safe here anymore."

"That's not it is it? You don't want me to meet her, do you?"

"You don't understand."

"No, you don't understand! You asked for my help in this. I can't do that from mum's. What if you went and did something stupid because I wasn't there to stop you? Even if this is only about you not wanting me near your new, thing."

"Thing!" Bad step.

"Sorry, um partner. I won't hurt her. I promise. You should know that better than anyone."

"And what if I hurt you. What if I don't manage to get through this and I hurt you. You know what I nearly did earlier?"

"And I know that you never will because I know you can get through this. You just need a bit of help. You can control this. I'll be here every step of the way, but only if you let me stay." I softened my voice.

There was a pause. "Alright, I won't take you home." He took his hand off the brake and cancelled the coordinates. Then he punched in some new ones.

"If we're not going home where are we going?" I watch him wipe his hand over his face, clearly trying not to shout at me again. He didn't answer. I'm trying to stay calm.

"Doctor, tell me what we're doing." I plead with him.

"We're picking up Alicia."

What is he hiding?

"Doctor, how old is she? Before, right now before we get her, how old is she now?" He didn't look at me. He didn't raise or lower his voice. He's ashamed about something he couldn't control.

"She's six." He choked.

I caught my breath. This has to be impossible. I can't be so overly jealous of a relationship that's been formed with a six year old. There must be intergalactic laws against this sort of thing.

"No one can ever find out about this." I breathed.

"Don't you think I know that! Sorry. I, I can't help it." He sighed.

"Yes, you can, and we're not going anywhere until you do. Who knows what could happen to that child with you like this." Who knows what could happen to anyone with him like this! I've only seen this kind of anger before he regenerated. If I could stop him then, I can stop him now. The sudden reversion Is terrifying, but not something I haven't seen before.

How could he have even considered seeing her like this?

"What's her name?"

"Her name's Alicia Bennett and I would never hurt her, that much, I know is impossible. That's why you're in so much danger. I'm trying to protect her."

"Ah. If we're going to see Alicia we need to sort you out first."

"There might be something that can help." He searched around and produced a bottle. "Lanas oil. It works quickly. It's illegal in most places but if I only use a little bit..." He poured some on his hand and wiped it on the back of his neck.

"Doctor?" He just stood there, unresponsive. I took the bottle out of his hand and helped him to sit down. "A bit much?" He slowly turned his head to look at me. "Yeah, a bit much" I said to myself. The only thing I can think of is to wait it out. It took about an hour before he was lucid enough to do anything and another half hour before I decide it's safe enough to leave. With only a little of the Lanas oils effect left he's almost back to normal. Two hours later, in a small tea shop he apologized.

Doctor

I looked Rose in the eye before I spoke. "Sorry, I haven't used Lanas oil in a long time. I forgot how strong it was."

"Next time be more careful." She smiled kindly. At least she's taking this well. Better than I expected anyway.

"Just hope there isn't a next time. Lanas oils' a recreational drug not a medicine. It's illegal because it's so easy to cause permanent brain damage. She's here."

The crowd was thick with people and Rose couldn't see anyone who should be six years old.

"Where is she?"

I watched her until she was out of sight.

"She's gone now, but I think she saw me."