Epilogue: Stepping into the Sun
England, de Chagny family's country mansion, the end of August 1882
Erik inhaled deeply, adjusted his dark sapphire waistcoat – the same one he had gotten from Meg many months ago – and headed towards the door. His fingers brushed the handle, but that same second his doubts resurfaced. Mouthing a swear word, the Opera Ghost turned sharply on his heel and returned to pacing back and forth across a dimly lit room. Behind the window, the sky had already begun to change colour from deep navy to a brighter azure.
The Phantom ran a hand through his hair, letting out a frustrated growl.
Why the hell was it so difficult?
His arm had healed well, so after a few weeks of exercises, he no longer had problems with his morning toilette and getting dressed on his own. Stepping outside turned out to be more problematic than he had expected, though.
A soft knock forced him to glance at the exit once more.
"Erik?" In Meg's voice, excitement mixed with a hint of concern. "Are you ready? We are already gathering at the main balcony."
Erik swallowed hard.
"You can go. I'll join you in a moment." He didn't manage to hide the slight strain in his tone.
Meg hesitated. "Is… is everything all right?"
"Yes."
"Oh…" Meg didn't sound fully convinced, but yielded anyway: "I'll wait for you there, then." Her quiet footsteps receded and then got muted by the carpet in the corridor.
Erik released the breath he'd been unconsciously holding. Blazes, why was he so nervous? Cursing, he rubbed the back of his neck in vexation.
Yesterday, they had finally arrived at Raoul de Chagny's estate, but it all still felt a bit unreal. Officially, "The Mysterious Case of the Phantom of Opera" had been closed over a month ago. Nevertheless, he still found it hard to believe that it all had ended without any serious repercussions, apart from his formal obligation to ensure adequate compensation for his misdeeds. Thanks to the viscount's intervention, even a temporary imprisonment for the time of the investigation and process had been changed to house arrest, and that had helped much more than Erik had allowed himself to admit aloud. He highly doubted that he would have managed to keep enough sanity and reason if he had been locked behind bars. Especially in the courtroom filled with thirsty-for-sensation gawkers and people who hadn't been well-disposed towards him…
The Phantom's chest constricted, and he forced himself to take a deep breath.
Hell and blazes, he really owed the foppish aristocrat a lot. And not only to him.
Meg's soothing presence had been his greatest source of strength through all of that, but the Opera Ghost's rehabilitation had been the result of the work of many. Christine and Lucien Buquet's statements had been a tremendous help. As had Meg and Madame Giry's declarations and their positive judgement of his character, supported by Pierre Lefevre's letter and later telegrams. To Erik's surprise, the Girys' ex-neighbour – the coachman, Jean Bellamy – had also arrived to tell everybody that a man who devoted his free time to creating a play for children and acted "like 'othing but a proper gent" in a fiacre couldn't be bad. The word of a member of a respected aristocratic family had meant a lot, too.
Joseph Buquet and Carlotta Giudicelli's opinions had been less favourable, but after hearing more of the Phantom's story and receiving his official apologies, they both decided not to demand a punishment. The diva only asked for a public explanation of her "unfortunate indisposition" in all Paris newspapers. Erik couldn't tell for sure, but she seemed to actually enjoy showing everybody that she had been "a tragic victim" of "the Phantom of the Opera's dark reign".
Some aspects had definitely been harder than others, though. The invisible band clamped around Erik's lungs at the reminder.
The circus owner – Javert D'Arque – had aged during all these years. The burly, towering man from Erik's nightmares was now close to him in height, probably even a bit shorter, and life had visibly taken a toll on him, bending his back and marring his features with deep wrinkles. The half-withered left hand had made him look even less powerful. The Phantom had had an advantage in every aspect – both in strength and legal preparation – but somehow it hadn't changed much.
When the man had entered the courtroom, for a few minutes, Erik had had the impression that he'd never left the cage.
Pardon me, Messieurs, but a deranged circus freak will always be only a deranged circus freak.
The showman's derisive scoff resounded in the Opera Ghost's mind anew, tightening his jaw and filling his veins with scorching rage.
It had required almost all his willpower to keep relatively calm, stand and grind out his response. I dare to politely disagree.
It wasn't anything spectacular, but somehow it had allowed him to breathe more freely.
Nevertheless, the appeal trial hadn't exactly been easy. After receiving Erik's letters, Michai Dobrescu, the ex-circus sword master, had come all the way to Paris. Unfortunately, he could only describe Javert D'Arque's behaviour and aggressive tendencies from the time before they had reached their apogee. The years that had passed, clouding the details, and some (more or less open) prejudices towards people of more clear Romani descent also hadn't worked in their favour.
The written statements Erik had gathered from a few other ex-performers with the huge help of his lawyer supported the testimony, but hadn't been considered decisive. Of the old members of the troupe who had stayed, only one, the oldest, decided to publicly say what he had seen. Erik wasn't able to blame the others; after his dramatic escape, due to the owner's partial disability, the circus had started to be mostly run by his cousin, who had had a slightly more humane attitude towards the subordinates, but attesting to how it all had looked still came with risk.
As a result, Javert D'Arque hadn't been fully punished. Thankfully, the evidence had been enough to change the first sentence and consider everything an accident, and also bring more attention to the working conditions of circus freaks and other performers. Erik hoped that it would make their lives a little easier too. He himself planned to do all he could to ensure that.
The Opera Ghost exhaled loudly, subduing the remains of the anger seething inside him.
He couldn't erase his past, nor forget about it, but he refused to be its prisoner anymore. And the opinions of those who didn't deserve his respect could go straight to hell.
A small, malicious smirk curved the Phantom's lips. Taking another deep breath, the man finally left the room.
The thick carpet easily drowned out his quiet footsteps. The corridor was dark, dimly lit only by a few scattered lamps, but he didn't have problems finding his way. The servants were probably about to start their daily routine, but thankfully he didn't have to worry about them – Raoul had asked everybody not to interrupt his guests and to avoid this section of the mansion without official instruction.
A moment later, Erik reached the balcony entrance, and the sounds of merry conversation carried to him through the ajar door, along with a gust of wind.
The Phantom stopped in the shadows, on the verge of a faint patch of light. Meg, Christine and Raoul were enthusiastically talking about their plans for the day, and he didn't want to spoil this moment of joy.
Outside, there was a short pause, then Meg spoke again.
"I… I think I'll go check on Erik again…" The concern in her quiet voice made something shift inside him.
"There is no need." Erik swallowed hard and stepped into the light.
The gathered turned to him with a start, and he felt almost the same as when he had stalked onto the Grand Staircase as the Red Death. His insides constricted again.
"If you continue to stare, I'll start to charge circus fees," he muttered, twisting his head to the side to conceal his right profile.
On the verge of his field of vision, he saw Madame Giry's eyebrow shoot up. A fraction of a second later, Raoul de Chagny erupted in laughter, finally breaking the awkward silence.
"Oh, goodness gracious, I had no idea that the fearsome Phantom could joke like that," he panted finally, straightening and rubbing his face. "I have to admit you really made quite an entrance, appearing out of thin air and looking so gravely serious. Hellishly spooky, I would even say." He grinned broadly.
In response, Erik sent him a murderous sidelong glare.
The viscount didn't show the proper fearful respect, though. "I bet it was partially because you're still sore after our last fencing sparring."
Erik rolled his eyes. "If I recall correctly, it wasn't I who ended up sprawled on the grass," he ground out pointedly.
Raoul only shrugged his shoulders. "Well, my spectral friend, that only proves what an amazing teacher I am," he stated good-humouredly. His smug grin returned to its place, but somehow it wasn't as irritating as Erik had once thought.
Any further exchange of ripostes was cut by Meg, who pushed past the aristocrat and locked the Opera Ghost in an affectionate hug.
"It's good to see you," she whispered, pulling away enough to smile at him.
Raoul chuckled and came closer too. "Well, I couldn't phrase it better."
Behind him, Christine and Madame Giry nodded in confirmation. The former was slightly paler than usual, but on the face of each of them played a tiny smile.
Erik felt a lump form in his throat, and his eyes became strangely moist.
The viscount let out another huff of laughter and patted him on the back. Fortunately, this time, the Phantom's dark glower was enough to stop him from further overfamiliarity. The aristocrat raised his palms and tactically retreated to the safe position next to his fiancée.
Meg couldn't be discouraged so easily. The ballerina stood en pointe and placed a brief kiss on Erik's exposed distorted cheek, then took his hand and led him to the balustrade.
Erik knew that they were supposed to watch the sunrise together, but for a long moment, he couldn't stop himself from covertly studying Meg.
The gentle wind played with her half tied-up waves, framing her soft features with golden strands. Her hazel eyes gleamed with joy, and her rosy mouth was slightly curled up, ready to bloom in a smile again. The blue gown she had recently bought was the same shade as his waistcoat and was decorated in a way that reminded him a bit of her masquerade costume. For some unfathomable reason, he really liked that.
Another gust rustled the leaves on the nearby trees and swept over the balcony, ruffling their hair. Birds chirped, continuing their own cheerful song. Dawn was slowly painting the dark sky with brushes of turquoise, amber and scarlet.
Erik soundlessly tapped his fingers on the railing, weaving it all into the symphony that filled his soul.
Madame Giry came closer to them, Christine and Raoul a few steps behind.
"I really couldn't be more grateful to God that, with His help, we are all here together," the ballet mistress said quietly. "You've all come a long way, and I couldn't be more proud of you." Her voice cracked a little, and both her biological and foster daughter rushed to her side to lock her in a collective hug, flooding her with a cascade of affectionate words and squeals.
Antoinette Giry finally waved her hands to bat them away, but it was clear that she enjoyed this as much as they. Erik pretended that he hadn't noticed the furtive tear she had wiped away or the fond gaze that had been sent in his direction.
Soon afterwards, the girls returned to their places. All together, they watched as the semi-darkness slowly started to draw back even more, giving way to the soft brightness.
It was a wonderful moment, but deep down, Erik knew it was merely a peaceful interlude before the storm. So far, only the director of the theatre where he, the Girys and Christine were supposed to start working had been formally informed about the Phantom of the Opera, but Erik had no doubts that the gossip about a strange, masked man would start to spread sooner or later. One of the local journalists had already started to sniff around the matter.
Erik gritted his teeth.
He had been able to leave the worst memories behind, but their echoes still followed him. Nevertheless, for the first time in many years, he was ready to fully face that.
His thoughts went back to his and Meg's visit to the parc des Buttes Chaumont and what she had told him back then.
They all had gone through some hard moments, and sometimes had stumbled or even lost their way as they searched for something that would light up their lives. But in the end, they found things and people who helped them to go on. Inside him, there were still corners consumed by darkness. But there were also areas where small sparks shone brightly and shadowed places where he finally let the light seep in from the outside.
The Phantom scowled nastily.
Blazes, he was turning into a soft sentimental fool, wasn't he?
Meg must have somehow sensed his musings, because she tugged his sleeve. "Watching the sunrise is a good way to greet a first day in a new home, isn't it?" She tilted her head to look at him.
Home.
The word tasted almost foreign on his tongue. But perhaps it was only because he had been too blind to notice what he had already had.
Erik furtively glanced at Madame Giry and at Christine and Raoul, who were locked in a tender embrace, then looked back down at Meg.
"I think you are right," he whispered. His eyes met Meg's; the golden specks in her hazel irises shone as brightly as sunrays when her face lit up in a smile.
The ballerina stood on her toes and kissed him again – this time in the corner of his mouth. In return, he leaned down and planted a short kiss on her forehead.
Meg beamed even more.
He still felt rather insecure about such intimate gestures, especially when they weren't alone, (not to mention that he notoriously forgot to bend to her height and had yet to work out the right angles to respond), but she didn't seem to mind.
The dancer grinned at him again, then turned back towards the east, nestling herself in his side.
His personal little wonder…
After a moment of hesitation, Erik embraced her from the back. With a contented sigh, Meg snuggled more into his chest, entwining her hand with his. The faint flowery scent of her perfumes and soap wrapped softly around him, along with a pleasant warmth.
The wonderful melody surged within him anew.
He wasn't so naive to believe that it all would be easy, but he wasn't going to give up. For himself and the people around him. Even if sometimes they were utterly frustrating, irritating or prying.
Erik felt his crooked smile form on his lips.
Over the horizon, the orange sun slowly began to rise, announcing the beginning of a new day and flooding everything with warm light.
Afterword:
Oh my gosh, we've finally reached the end! I feel inexpressibly happy but also deeply moved. Adding such a long afterword to a simple fanfic is probably peculiar, but it's the first full story I've written and I have so many thoughts and emotions that I just need to give them an outlet. Feel free to skip to the last paragraphs of the section with thanks if it's not to your liking! :)
The story behind the curtain:
The first idea for this fanfic came to me after I watched "The Phantom of the Opera" 2004 movie with my sister on one New Year's Eve night. Wonderful music, eye-catching visuals and an emotional storyline enchanted me thoroughly, and the themes of the story resonated deeply with me. As a result, I read dozens of fanfics. XD During one of our conversations about our favourite stories, I shared my own idea for a plot with my sister. My sister listened to it with great enthusiasm and encouraged me to write it down (thank you endlessly for that, sis! ‹3 – you are the best motivator, first reader and interlocutor to get excited about stories and fictional couples! :D).
And so, I created the first version of one of the chapters (now heavily rewritten in the form of chapter 19/20 "A Storm of Discord") and planned a few others (mostly Meg and Erik's reconciliation, which is now greatly extended and divided between the chapters "A Glimmer of Moon in the Clouded Sky" and "The Light That Brightens the Darkness"). Unfortunately, soon afterwards, I dropped the project due to life circumstances and extra responsibilities that fell on me and my family. Nevertheless, I returned to the idea a few years later. In spring 2019, I went to Białystok to see the Polish stage version of the musical (along with my lovely family, who enthusiastically joined me on this cross-Poland trip). And that gave me extra motivation. :) (Here's the link to the trailer from the year 2016 if you're interested: youtubeDOTcom/watch?v=ZafNY3OFOwM)
In the meantime, I watched the transcription of the 25th anniversary of A.L. Webber's musical, 1990 miniseries and the YouTube video of Kopit and Yeston's musical "Phantom". I also reached the original source and read Gaston Leroux's novel. In my story, I combined it all, taking some details from different pieces: A.L. Webber's plot and Gerald Butler's emotional acting; fragments from the book; a dry sense of humour, gentleman's manners, the melancholy and slight shyness of Charles Dance's Phantom (as well as being an adorable cinnamon roll sometimes XD); a bigger emphasis on the Opera Ghost's anxiety from a few depictions of Kopit and Yeston's musical; a pinch of Ramin Karmiloo's hand gestures; some aspects of Tomasz Steciuk's excellent performance (more softness and cool swordfight!) and an audio recording of Damian Aleksander's (especially the heartbreaking sadness and resignation in the Phantom's voice during the final scene). I also added a lot from myself. And did a ton of extra (often unnecessary) research on the historical background. XD
At first, writing was just a way to try something new and a pastime that helped me deal with stress and the reintensification of my old depressive and anxious symptoms, especially during the sleepless hours at night. However, after some time, I realised that I would like to really write this story. Piece by piece, I started to type the next chapters in a text editor on my mobile whenever I had a longer while. I also read more about creative writing on the Internet and in books from my city library. Then, I thoroughly revised what I already had, trying to fix the plot holes and give my characters more depth and individuality. Not many people read Polish fics in this fandom, so I decided to write in English. At the turn of the year 2021/2022 I began my quest for a beta reader/grammar checker. On June 10, 2022, I published the first chapter on FanFiction. :)
There are a lot of fragments in this story that I'm not pleased with, but there are also a few I'm really proud of, so I hope it was an interesting and satisfying read, despite its imperfections. :) It's just a simple fanfiction, but some of the themes and emotions I tried to capture are very real. A lot of people struggle with some form of solitude; bigger and smaller traumas; loss and grief; anxiety, depression or other psychological issues; experiencing violence, being bullied, mocked or misunderstood. I did my best to approach these topics with sensitivity and to do them justice. A few tiny elements were inspired by shards of authentic experiences.
Hardships have many different faces, but going through them and rebuilding a healthy self-image often isn't easy and requires time. Reality can be rough sometimes, but, as I've written before, I believe that there are always some things and people that can brighten our lives. I think that finding them, just like creating your own path and happiness, is definitely worth fighting for. If these words resonate with any of you, please know that I cheer on you with all my heart! ‹3
I tried to show my characters' growth and make them find healthier ways to deal with some problems, but I also tried to stay true to the reality of the époque the story is set in, so I didn't fully include any modern therapeutic techniques (I only wove in some more intuitive elements). A few psychological books about trauma, PTSD, anxiety and depression that I think are worth reading are:
- Meg Arroll, Tiny Traumas (Polish title: Małe traumy) (a warm book covering basic information and helpful tips about many "small" problems)
- Bessel van der Kolk, The Body Keeps the Score (Polish title: Strach ucieleśniony) (an explanation of how trauma gets stuck in the body and exploration of history and treatment methods for PTSD)
- Ann Bailey, Joseph Ciarrochi, Louise Hayes, Get out of your mind and into your life for teens (Polish title: W pułapce myśli - dla nastolatków) (the basics of ACT therapy)
- David D. Burns, Feeling good (Polish title: Radość życia) (a great self-help CBT book about depression)
Thanks:
Returning back to the topic, this fanfic would have never come to life without the immense support I received. My education was focused on engineering and science, not on writing, so learning how to put my chaotic thoughts into words was quite a challenge. Even harder was doing that in a language that isn't my own. More than once, I felt as if my head were about to explode! XD Therefore, I would like to once again thank the people who helped me:
1) Firstly, the wonderful writers who helped me – in chronological order:
– S'Kenna Arbour Bond – my part-time beta reader for the first version of the prologue and the first part of chapter one: Thank you for giving it a try!
– Laurel/lks358 – my beta reader for the new version of the prologue, chapters 1–4 and the transition between chapter 4 and 5: Your excitement and kind words about almost every paragraph that you liked really helped me not to give up on this project. I'm eternally grateful for that and all your brilliant advice!
– Lily/librarylexicon – my beta reader for chapter 5 and onwards: I can't express how grateful I'm for your help and dozens of hours of your hard editing work. I'm still thoroughly excited that you had a good time reading my story and that there were a few chapters that you really enjoyed, despite my grammar mistakes and the fact it wasn't your fandom! Thank you for your kind words and for answering all my weird questions. Working with you definitely helped me improve my English and my writing skills!
In this section, I also want to thank Jaega: You weren't my beta reader, and we just started to talk after I commented on your fanfic from another fandom, but our conversations about writing and getting into character really helped me rewrite some fragments of this fic and make them better. I improved a lot as a writer and had a lot of fun talking with you. Thank you endlessly for that!
To sum up: I'm honoured that I had the opportunity to learn something from such talented writers! Thank you, girls! ‹3 All the remaining mistakes are mine alone.
2) Secondly, my family and friends:
I'm not sure if you will ever read this, but it was great to share my joy from the comments I received with some of you. I don't have enough words to thank you for your support in this crazy writing journey and in real life. You are definitely one of the brightest elements in my life and the greatest of God's wonders I've received! :D ‹3
3) Last but not least, my readers:
I'm so excited and happy that you liked my story! Receiving favs/Kudos, reviews and private messages was incredibly rewarding and motivating. I'm unable to count how many times I squealed with joy or was touched when I read your comments! Thank you so, so much for that! I can't express how grateful I am for your feedback. Your words were like little rays of sunshine that reached me even among the greyness of everyday duties and problems. ‹3
Special thanks go to the wonderful people who have already commented on my story (especially the ones who did it multiple times and stayed along despite the sparse updates – commenters like you are treasures! ‹3) – in alphabetical order:
– on FF: Donaire, Lucia (Guest), Lucy (Guest), Jaega, nyancr;
– on AO3: Bigshoes_Mango (MegGiry), Caffium, Camilla (Guest), Daecromancer, Espress, grennyb4be, kazuhabeannie, Malorne10, Maribel (Guest), Mel (Guest), MulledWine (Guest), Sad_eyed_lady, Saoirse (Guest), suchspiritedwords.
Any future comments on any chapter and private messages are always welcome. I'd love to hear what your favourite elements of this story are. I'm also open for any advice and fandom-related recommendations. I have less free time than I wish I had, and sometimes I have problems forming an eloquent and correct message in English, but I always try to reply. :)
Plans for the future:
This story found a special place in my heart, and so I would like to write a continuation! The sequel would be focused on Erik adjusting to life in society and on family bonds. I've already planned out the main story points and created drafts for the first few chapters, but writing it all down will definitely take me some time (especially since I would like to store a buffer of corrected episodes before starting publishing). I hope I will manage to fulfil this dream too, though.
I also would like to improve my writing style and learn to create shorter, better-paced chapters. And, of course, read more fics by others! :D
Anyway, I hope that we will meet on this website again. :)
Once again, thank you for everything! Writing this story was demanding sometimes, but I had a lot of fun. I hope you did too.
Take care and be kind to yourselves. I wish you all a lot of beautiful moments that will brighten your lives! ‹3
Your obedient servant,
M. Mint Shadow