A/N: Okay so I am going to make a note here on some of the things that I am changing from the first version of this story just in case anyone remembers or is curious.
First thing that I don't even think I mentioned in the first story but I'm going to have Santana's ethnicity be mixed with black and Hispanic just to give a nod to Naya and her actual ethnicity and not really just fitting her into a box because she can pass as Hispanic. Also in the show, Sue mentions being unclear of Santana's ethnicity and we never actually meet her dad, so you never know. I picture her mom in this story as Gloria Estefan just like in the show and her brother being Naya's actual brother in real life just for image purposes but obviously if you guys picture them differently that's okay as well!
I also had Santana already speaking freely in front of Tina in the original version but I decided not to have her be that comfortable with her quite yet in this rewrite!
I think those are the only major changes!
Thank you again everyone for the comments! I love you all and hope you continue to get back into this story with me! Sorry this took a bit but I'm already into the next chapter so it won't be as long of a wait!
Also let me know if there is anything you guys would want me to change or that you'd like to see or wish I had done in the first version! I'm open to ideas since I'm doing a rewrite this time around!
Okay! Now enjoy !
x
Later that same evening with the whole detention debacle, Santana and her family had just finished up dinner. She makes her way into the living room and settles on one end of the couch, curling her legs up beneath her. She grabs a book she'd been reading from off the coffee table and finds her place to start reading again.
She's feeling a lot better than she had when she'd gotten home from school earlier that day and her anxiety has calmed down quite a bit. Thankfully, her mother hadn't brought up her having detention again and even Manny hadn't said anything about it.
She's pretty sure their mom told him not to bring it up and probably told him that she'd been so anxious about it that she hadn't even been able to speak at home. And that doesn't happen very often. So even though Manny likes to tease her like any older brother would, he also knows when to not.
Manny is settled on the other end of the couch, his laptop on his lap, working on some more of his college work. It's funny, because he keeps leaning over asking for Santana's help even though she's years behind him in school.
She doesn't mind though.
It's nice to actually be helpful for once instead of being the one that needs help all the time.
There's a knock on the door and both siblings turn their heads towards the sound. Manny looks over at Santana, knowing that he wasn't expecting anyone. "Tina?" he questions, knowing it's the only person that Santana would have invited over.
Santana nods her head and closes her book, placing it on the coffee table. She'd honestly forgotten that Tina was coming over for a bit to study for a test they have tomorrow. With all the drama of the afternoon it had slipped her mind, which was very unusual.
And also, she'd normally come over right when she gets out of glee club and before they had dinner. But Santana had told her about detention and how she just needed some time to herself. She'd asked her if she wanted to come over after they both had dinner with their respected families and Tina had agreed.
So the change in the timing threw her off a bit.
She likes her routines and doesn't normally like to stray away from them. It's one way to help keep her anxiety in check.
Santana makes her way to the front door and opens it, revealing Tina. Santana gives her a smile and moves out of the way so that Tina can walk inside.
"Hey Tina," Manny greets from inside the living room. He leans his head back over the couch and gives her a warm smile.
Tina instantly turns shy and gives him a little wave, "Hey Manny," she responds with a soft and slightly awkward smile.
Santana rolls her eyes because it's clear that Tina has a crush on her older brother. I mean, she gets it because Manny is awesome but he is her brother so it's gross. Also he's a big goofy jock which she wouldn't expect to be Tina's type. Especially since Santana is pretty sure that Tina has a crush on Artie, a boy that is in glee club with her. He's the complete opposite of Manny. In like, every way.
Santana's been around Artie a little, but not too much. When she's gone places with Tina, sometimes he's there. She hadn't really been comfortable with him at first, but she's not really comfortable with anyone that she doesn't know at first. She learned pretty quickly that he's pretty harmless though. He's sweet, although the way he talks sometimes makes her uncomfortable.
Possibly even offended sometimes.
He had said a few things to her in an accent that made her pause. He'd tried to tell her that he was gangster and he was clearly speaking in a way that wasn't natural for him. At first she'd thought that he was specifically speaking to her that way and she couldn't help but think he was talking to her that way because she's mixed race and one of those races happens to be black.
It made her a little uncomfortable but then she just realized that he talks that way to everyone. It's still a little awkward but she knows he's harmless. She also knows that he for some reason thinks that it makes him sound cool and that he's just trying to get people to like him.
And she gets that.
He's in a wheelchair and she knows how it feels to be in high school with a disability, even if they're not in the same situation. High school is hard and people are mean.
And even if she did mind, it's not like she'd ever call him out on it.
She literally can't say anything to him about it and she also hates any sort of conflict.
Pulling herself from her thoughts on Artie, Santana looks over at Tina, "We can go to my room," she signs. She's starting to feel a lot more comfortable around Tina the more that they hang out. But she still realizes that even in her home that she hasn't been able to actually speak to Tina yet.
Maybe one day.
But Tina doesn't seem to mind.
They walk into Santana's room and Tina places her bag down on the bed, sitting down at the foot of it. She watches Santana walk over to her desk and start rummaging through her backpack, pulling out a binder and a couple of textbooks. "So..." Tina says, giving Santana a look like she's expecting her to tell her something really big.
Santana just gives her a confused look, not really sure what Tina was expecting her to talk about.
Tina sighs loudly and rolls her eyes, "Detention!" she says simply, making Santana's mouth form an 'o'. "You had detention today, how was it?" she asks, completely scandalized.
When Santana had texted her earlier telling her that she had to go to detention, Tina couldn't believe it. Neither of them are trouble makers and pretty much do everything in their power to stay out of trouble. She couldn't imagine either of them getting sent to detention and she was pretty worried for her friend. She knows she would have been freaking out if she had been the one to go.
Santana sits down at her desk chair and just shrugs her shoulders, not really sure what to say about it. Tina is obviously looking for some juicy details, but really nothing had happened.
Tina looks at her like she has three heads, "That's all you're going to give me?" she questions, clearly wanting to hear all about it. "You were in detention!" she says, thinking that reiterating it will suddenly make Santana give her more and realize how big of a deal this is.
Santana bites her lip, "Nothing really happened," she shrugs. "It wasn't as scary as I thought it would be," she informs her. "It was just me, Puck and Brittany," she adds. "I just did my math homework," she adds with another shrug. She knows that Tina was expecting some juicy stories out of it, but honestly it hadn't been anything like she thought it would be. It actually would have been boring if she hadn't been able to at least do her homework.
Until the end when Brittany tried to talk to her anyway.
That was terrifying.
"Was it scary? Did anyone try to shank you?" Tina asks with wide eyes, still clearly expecting a little more drama than what Santana was giving her.
Santana lets out a silent chuckle and shakes her head. She partly thinks that Tina is being dramatic but at the same time, she may have had those same fears before going in so she doesn't blame her. Santana just shakes her head, "It wasn't like that at all. Brittany and Puck played on their phone and I did homework," she tells her, much to Tina's dismay.
She was clearly looking for some drama.
"Well, Puck or Brittany definitely could have shanked you. I mean, they've done it before," she responds, making Santana's eyes widen. She knew that Brittany and her friends had some pretty bad reputations and there are a lot of rumors about them but she didn't think any of them had actually stabbed someone.
Well, maybe Puck. She could see that.
Santana just shakes her head with a smile, brushing off Tina's questioning. She really didn't have anything more interesting to tell her about it. So she turns back to her desk and starts reading over the first question on her test study guide.
"Did Brittany or Puck say anything to you?" Tina asks curiously, obviously not letting the topic go. She may have been thinking too dramatically about them stabbing her or something, but she wouldn't be surprised if they even just made some mean comments to her.
And honestly, she was sort of looking for something a little interesting because she sort of lives for gossip and things like that, but she actually had been really worried for her friend. She's witnessed first hand how awful people have been to Santana and putting her in a room with some of her tormentors made her nervous. She just wants to make sure that she's okay.
Santana looks over at Tina and bites her lip. "Puck didn't," she replies. "Brittany did," she then signs, making Tina's eyes widen with both fear and interest. Santana can tell she looks a little worried for her, but Santana shakes her head, wanting to ease her thoughts. "She just asked me what my name was," she informs her. "She didn't say anything mean," she adds, knowing that's where Tina's head was. "She actually said my name was cool," she says with a blush and a shy smile.
It may not have been that big of a deal, but hearing Brittany say anything about her was cool had made her feel all giddy.
Tina's eyes are still wide and she leans closer to Santana. "Brittany Pierce talked to you!?" She questions, not really believing it. "Oh my god, what did you do?"
Santana swallows and shrugs her shoulders. "It was awkward and I was really nervous because I couldn't talk to her and she didn't know why. I just wrote my name on a piece of paper for her to read," she informs her. "And then it was time to go and her and Puck left. We didn't really talk long, and I'm pretty sure she thinks I'm a freak," she says, knowing that once again it's way less juicy than what Tina had been hoping for.
"Wow," Tina says simply. "Well at least she didn't hurt you," Tina says, knowing that was definitely a possibility. Especially for Santana because everyone seems to pick on her. And Brittany and Puck were known for being pretty mean.
She'd always heard about Brittany being pretty scary. And sure, when Brittany was talking to her it had made her nervous and the thought of her punching her may have quickly flashed through her mind, but it had gone away pretty quickly once she'd actually looked into those blue eyes. She'd still been nervous but it wasn't because she was scared of Brittany hurting her. It was just because this gorgeous girl was talking to her and she's a complete awkward mess.
"Also, Santana, you're definitely not a freak," Tina says softly.
Santana gives her a small smile, nodding her head.
Sometimes, she thinks that she is but it's nice to have Tina pretty regularly tell her that she's not.
"Can we just study now?" Santana asks hopefully.
"Yeah, of course," Tina nods, grabbing her textbook from off the bed, deciding to drop the matter. Her mind is still reeling and she's clearly wanting to hear more about being in detention but it seems like there really isn't much to be said about it.
And she's happy that Santana is fine, but maybe she'd wanted to hear something a little more interesting. It's not every day that someone in her friend group goes to detention. And it's definitely not every day that someone in her group talks to Brittany Pierce and lives to talk about it.
x
Santana walks into her math class and sits down in her usual seat next to Artie. Tina isn't in this class and so she used to just sit in the very back corner, hoping to avoid everyone and just be invisible. But Artie had convinced her to move up to the front and sit next to him. And yeah, she still wouldn't exactly call Artie her friend but Tina likes him and she's learned that sometimes it really is nice to have an ally in this school. Even if it's just sitting next to someone in a class.
She hadn't really wanted to sit in the front of the room because she feels like all eyes are on her and she doesn't like that she can't see what people are doing behind her. But Artie had explained that it's easier to pay attention and it helps to get in the teacher's good graces. She had to admit that was true.
Sitting in the back, it was a little harder to hear, especially when a lot of the kids were constantly whispering or even talking while the teacher was trying to teach. She was also constantly distracted by them all passing notes to each other and constantly acting up.
It's a two edged sword because being in the front, she doesn't have the distractions but she also can't see what people are doing behind her back. And that makes her nervous. There's been a couple of times when people would throw stuff at her or put those stupid notes on her back. Even once, someone had been really mean and put gum in her hair.
Thankfully, her mom had been able to get it out without having to cut her hair off.
But she'd cried all afternoon and didn't speak the rest of the night.
But for the most part they leave her alone as long as the teacher is around.
The classes that she doesn't have any allies with she still sits in the back because she's too nervous to be front and center. Having a person next to you makes things a lot easier.
"I heard you talked to Brittany in detention," Artie says, looking over at her.
She's confused for a moment but then she realizes that Tina has probably already told him. She's probably told all the glee kids about her afternoon in detention. It's a little annoying but for the most part she doesn't care. It's not like there was anything too interesting to be said about it.
Santana simply nods at him as she starts to pull everything she needs out of her backpack and placing it on her desk. She doesn't really want to talk to him about this. Not that she could anyway.
But she's really not used to making much small talk with Artie.
Sometimes he talks about video games, which is fine, because she likes video games.
But talking about her personal life is a little different.
"Are you traumatized for life?" He asks with a smirk.
Santana's brows furrow and she shakes her head. Honestly Brittany wasn't nearly as scary as she'd thought she would be. Though, she only spent a couple of minutes really up close to her. She hears a lot of things about her and she knows a lot of it could be rumors but she's also sure that a lot of it is true as well.
Either way, she tries not to judge people.
And she feels something weird in her chest when she hears other people talking poorly about Brittany. Which is crazy because she doesn't even know Brittany and they are definitely not friends so she doesn't know why it bothers her so much.
Maybe because she has a stupid crush on her.
Though, she's not sure you can even call it a crush. She's never even really talked to Brittany so she doesn't know if she likes her as a person and if all the things she has heard about her are true, she's probably not a person that she should like. She just thinks she's like the most beautiful girl she's ever seen.
"Well, it's a good thing that your mom got you out of having to go back today," he says, flipping through the pages of his spiral looking for an empty one. "You don't belong there with those people," he says.
Again, Santana feels a little put off by the tone of his voice, but she doesn't dwell on it. And to be honest, no, she didn't belong in detention. But it doesn't necessarily mean that people who do go to detention are horrible people. It just depends on what they had done, she supposes and the circumstances.
People make mistakes. Especially teenagers. Doesn't mean they're horrible people.
There's also a small part of her that kind of wanted to go back just to get another chance to see Brittany.
But that's stupid because who would want to go to detention?
And she should probably quit while she's ahead. Neither Puck nor Brittany had hurt her or been mean to her during that one hour, but that doesn't mean they wouldn't be if she was in there with them again.
x
Santana and Tina make their way into Holly's classroom for lunch and Santana feels a little giddy to see her.
Like always.
She is just always so nice to her and actually makes it seem like she's happy to see her and like she enjoys her company. Maybe it's sad that Santana's favorite person in high school is one of her teachers, but she doesn't care. Holly is awesome and she's not like the other teachers around here. She doesn't talk to her like she's a child or get annoyed with her because she can't communicate like most of the other students.
But today when Santana and Tina walk into her classroom, Holly doesn't greet them with a grin and a chirpy hello. She gives Santana a look and then stands up from her chair, folding her arms across her chest.
Santana doesn't really know what exactly the look is for, but it makes her shrink into herself a bit.
"Santana Lopez," Holly says in a firm voice that just makes Santana gulp.
She's in trouble.
But she's not really sure what she's done. She's never one to break any rules so she's really confused as to why Holly would be upset with her, but she knows that tone of voice and she can see Holly's eyes narrowed in her direction.
Holly notices the way Santana pauses in the back of the classroom and the nervous look on her face makes Holly's face soften a bit, trying to ease her anxiety. "Why didn't you tell me that you got detention?" she asks, still sounding firm but a lot less scary. "I heard Mrs. Pilsbury talking about it, saying she thinks she needs to have a meeting with you because it's very unlike you to get into a fight," she informs her. "I had to agree, and I feel like I'm missing something here," she adds, raising a brow at Santana.
Santana glances over to Tina who just gives her a tight-lipped smile and a shrug. She knows she can't get Santana out of this conversation with Holly.
Santana tentatively walks up the rows of desks and sits down at one in the front row. Once she gets settled, she turns back to Holly to start explaining what exactly had happened yesterday and how she hadn't actually been in a fight.
Her hands shake as she signs the story to her, still feeling pretty anxious over it all.
And anxious that Holly seems so upset with her.
She doesn't like anyone being disappointed in her but definitely not Holly.
Holly sighs and shakes her head slightly once Santana finishes explaining everything. "Why didn't you come to me?" she questions not understanding. "You could have asked them to come and get me or you could have come to me afterwards," she explains, not understanding why Santana would just let all of this happen.
Santana furrows her brows and shakes her head. "I'm fine," she signs sharply. "It wasn't a big deal," she adds, though she knows that's not exactly the truth. Having to sit through detention for a big misunderstanding just because you couldn't speak up for yourself is a pretty big deal. She hadn't even done anything to deserve to be there. "None of them know how to sign so it's hard to try and explain anything to them," she replies, rolling her eyes.
"That's not the point, Santana," Holly says firmly. "And you know that you can write down what you want to say to them. You've done it multiple times before when you've had to talk to any of the teachers around here," she further explains with an exasperated sigh.
Santana huffs but doesn't respond.
"I'm going to talk to Figgins," Holly says, making Santana's eyes widen, and she shakes her head vigorously.
"My mom already called and talked to him. She explained it and he apologized and told me that I didn't have to go back today," she says, starting to sign a bit frantically, her hands moving in awkward jerky motions, the more worked up she gets.
She really doesn't need Holly talking to him. It's already embarrassing enough that her mother had to call and explain everything for her.
But Holly folds her arms across her chest and narrows her eyes once again at the stubborn girl. "Look, Santana," she says, her face softening as she moves around the front of her desk to lean against it so she's closer to Santana. "I know you don't like feeling like people are babying you or giving you special treatment," she starts to say, knowing how Santana feels about it all. "But sometimes you have to have a little help and there's nothing wrong with that," she tells her softly. "Everyone needs help sometimes, not just you," she further explains, wanting to put the girl at ease.
Santana simply rolls her eyes because she knows it's not the same. She feels like she needs help with the smallest things and things that a teenager shouldn't need help with. She hates having to be so dependent on other people. Especially now that she's getting older and just wants to be able to be a functioning adult in the near future. It's embarrassing always having to have her mom or Holly doing things for her and speaking for her.
Holly gives her a gentle smile because she knows that this is a bit of a sore subject for Santana and she's feeling extra vulnerable and a little helpless. "I just want to tell him that I feel that anytime you have a meeting with him or any other teacher for that matter that I should be called so you can have an interpreter and an advocate," she explains to her. "In fact, I'm going to tell him to call me if there's any student at this school that signs and needs an interpreter to call me, not just for you," she further explains, hoping that will make Santana feel a little bit better. "If they aren't going to go out of their way to learn ASL when there are a couple of other people at this school that communicate that way then at least they should have someone there with them," she says firmly. "You aren't the only student that uses ASL and you won't be the last."
Santana sighs and wants to protest but it makes sense honestly. As much as she doesn't want to feel like she needs Holly to come to her rescue, it would be nice to have her in her corner when she has important conversations with Figgins, or Mrs. Pilsbury or really any other teacher in this school. It's always a little awkward when she has to nervously write down everything so that they can try and have a conversation.
And she feels like other kids in this school deserve to have an advocate when they need one. She wouldn't think that they were being babied for having an interpreter so why should she feel that way about herself?
She knows logically it makes sense, but it still makes her a bit uneasy. She knows that's just because of her insecurities so she's going to try and not let that get in the way.
"Okay," Santana signs, chewing on her lip nervously.
She still may not be thrilled by the idea, but she also knows not to argue with Holly.
She knows she won't win.
"Good," Holly nods, pushing herself up off the desk, happy that they have that problem worked out. "So, fill me in! I know you've got some juicy stories!" she says, looking over to Tina with a grin. "And you have to tell me about detention," she then says, directing her eyes to Santana. "Hope prison didn't change you, kid," she says with a wink.
Santana rolls her eyes but can't help but let out a silent chuckle.
Holly is ridiculous.
x
Santana subtly looks around the hallways for Brittany the rest of the school day. She keeps her focus mainly on the ground, trying to focus on not tripping on something and keeping herself from running into anyone. Also, she looks at the ground because normally if she avoids eye contact with people, they leave her alone. However, she finds herself glancing up, her eyes darting around ever so often hoping to catch a glimpse of a certain blonde.
She never sees her though.
And now that she thinks about it, she doesn't remember seeing Brittany much in the past. Though, it's hard to see people when you're always looking down at the ground. And she supposes she just doesn't have any classes with her because she definitely would have at least noticed her in the classroom at some point.
Santana is in all AP classes and she assumes that Brittany is in regular classes. Not to assume she's dumb or anything, but she doesn't seem like the type that would like the extra work of an AP class.
Though, you never know. Santana doesn't like to make assumptions about people.
Santana reaches her locker that she actually has to go to today. She needed to get a new spiral out of it because the one she has is full. She wishes she could just keep her backups in her bag as well, but it's already full enough.
Thankfully, she's able to grab her spiral without her neighbors being there.
"Santana!" she hears her name being called by an unfamiliar voice. She turns around to see Rachel Berry quickly walking towards her with her feet pointing outwards and her arms swinging aggressively at her sides. She looks a little crazy and Santana takes a small step back when she approaches her.
Rachel looks at her and then holds her hands out in front of her trying to make some signs, but they don't really make sense and Santana looks at her confused. "I'm sorry, I don't really know sign language," Rachel says slowly and a little loudly like she thinks Santana is an idiot or can't hear. And she knows for a fact that Rachel knows she's just mute and not deaf because this isn't the first interaction that they've had.
Santana actually feels a little anger towards her and she rarely feels anger towards people, even the ones that bully her. She quickly pulls a pen out of her bag and opens the spiral in her hands, writing Rachel a note.
I can hear and I'm not an idiot
She underlines the word 'not' harshly, the pen almost ripping the paper, wanting to make a point.
She feels a little guilty for having an attitude but something had just come over her. It's not something she feels often and she never has the courage to retaliate when someone is being mean to her but for some reason she hadn't been able to stop herself from giving Rachel a bit of an attitude.
And she knows that Rachel isn't trying to be mean to her. Tina had said over and over that Rachel can be pretty self centered and a little out of touch with people but she's got a good heart deep down.
"Right, I'm sorry," Rachel winces, actually looking pretty guilty. "What are you doing this Friday night?" she asks, her giant smile coming back full force.
A smile that really freaks Santana out. Her genuine smile is pretty but this one she has on her face right now is her crazy smile.
It's a little creepy.
Santana just shakes her head at Rachel, wanting her to continue, though she's a bit nervous. Normally if someone is asking that it means they want them to hang out or do something and Santana's definitely not going to hang out with Rachel.
Rachel is friends with Tina and she's been around her a bit, but she hasn't spoken to her much. She'd tried to get her to join the glee club with Tina, but Santana had said no for obvious reasons. Rachel had assured her that she could just sway in the back and not actually sing but just move her lips.
It seemed a little ridiculous but apparently they just needed bodies.
Honestly, she'd wanted to help Tina out because the girl was a little stressed about not being able to compete if they didn't have enough members. But Santana would never be able to get up on stage in front of so many people. Even if she's not front and center.
"I'm having a little get together at my house for the glee club!" she informs her. "I know that you said you weren't interested in joining the glee club, but I thought you may want to come hang out. And if you get to know us a little, maybe you will reconsider," she explains, hopefully. "It won't be anything crazy. We will just do some karaoke and maybe watch a musical," she informs her. "And Tina will be there!" she adds, hoping that's a selling point for the girl.
Santana just shakes her head and gives Rachel an apologetic look.
A part of her would actually like to go and hang out with the glee kids. Tina says they're all pretty cool and that nobody would be mean to her or make fun of her. She always talks about how accepting they are of everything and how they are all there for each other and love each other for the things that other people don't like.
But being around that many people she doesn't really know gives her anxiety. She just really doesn't want to put herself in a situation where she freaks out and has a panic attack in front of them.
That would just be embarrassing.
She also knows that she's supposed to be trying to branch out and actually get out of her comfort zone. And hanging out with them would be exactly the kind of thing her therapist keeps telling her that she should do.
It would be a safe place to try to be around people.
But she's not ready.
Though, she doesn't know if she will ever be ready.
She's just going to have to do it at some point.
"You'll think about it?" Rachel then asks, clearly not giving up on Santana yet.
Santana nods her head and gives Rachel a small smile. She already knows that she's not going to go but she also knows that if she doesn't give Rachel some sort of hope she's not going to leave her alone.
"Great!" Rachel shouts, making Santana jump, before retreating down the hallway.
Santana just blinks, trying to process the whole interaction.
Rachel seems nice enough, but she's a lot and she scares her a little.
She then sees Tina pushing Artie towards the classroom at the end of the hallway that Rachel had just disappeared into. They both give Santana a smile and a wave, and Santana returns the gesture.
It's time for Glee club and Santana can't deny that she's a bit curious. In theory, singing and dancing on stage is really cool and she'd love to be able to do it. She actually has loved to sing since she was a kid. She used to dance and sing all around the house when she was little. But now that she's older, she can't even sing in front of her mom or brother.
She knows that if she got up on stage in front of a bunch of people that she would completely freak out. It would probably end in her either running off stage from a panic attack, her throwing up or crying. Maybe all of the above.
These are the moments when she really wishes she was normal.
x
Manny walks into the kitchen and sees his baby sister sitting at the island, head resting in her right hand as her left hand carelessly spins a spoon around in a bowl of cereal. Her eyes are set on the refrigerator and it's clear that she is zoned out thinking pretty hard about something.
It makes him smile mischievously and he sneaks up behind her, being as quiet as his big feet will allow. He reaches out and pokes both of her sides, making her squeal and almost jump off of the stool.
Manny laughs loudly at her and she whips her head around, glaring at him.
Manny holds his hands up in surrender and gives her an amused smile. "Whatcha thinkin' about?" He asks, making his way around the island to stand across from her. He leans down on his elbows and watches her as she just watches her remaining fruit loops swim around in the milk.
She just shrugs in response and he sighs.
Santana hears the sigh and glances up at him seeing him looking at her expectantly, obviously not taking her shrug as a real answer. She sighs and looks back down, not really knowing what to say to him or how to explain what she's feeling. But, she knows he isn't going to give up until she tells him what she was thinking about. He knows her well and he can tell when she is upset.
"I was j-just thinking about what my life would be like if I was...n-n-normal." She admits quietly with a small shrug, looking away from him again. It's not the first time they've had a conversation similar to this and she knows that he doesn't like it when she says things about herself like not being normal or being weird or something.
But she is and it is what it is.
Manny's brows furrow at his little sister. "Normal?" He questions slowly, looking confused. He obviously knows what she means, but he's playing it up which just annoys her. "What exactly is that?" He asks with a small smile, trying to bring the mood up slightly.
Santana sighs loudly and rolls her eyes. "You know what I mean." She says, clearly frustrated. She knows that he is trying to make her feel better and he always tries to tell her that there is nothing wrong with her. Sometimes it makes her feel a little better, but no amount of pep talks are going to make her change her mind.
She's definitely not a normal teenager and they can say there's nothing wrong with her until they're blue in the face but it doesn't make it true.
Manny stands up straight and walks back around the island standing by his sister's side. He puts an arm around her shoulders and exhales. "Look, I know it's hard but this is who you are and I love who you are. There is nothing wrong with you. I know that sometimes you wish you could just go up and talk to people and make friends a little easier but just because you struggle with that doesn't mean something is wrong with you. It's just who you are," He says honestly. "You have a lot of people who love you for who you are." He adds.
She wants to comment on the fact that by a lot, he means himself, their mom and Holly. Maybe Tina but she doesn't really know how strongly Tina actually cares for her. They're friends, sure but that sort of came out of necessity more than anything. They were both lonely and decided to try and start being there for each other instead of just going at it alone.
But she doesn't mention it because she knows like always, this conversation is just going to go in circles and there's no point in trying to argue with him. So, she nods her head, because she also knows that she has at least three, maybe four people who love her. That isn't the problem. "I j-just wonder what it would be like if I had friends and c-c-could actually hang out like a normal t-teenager." She says quietly. "I g-g-got invited to a get together with T-Tina's friends," she reveals, quietly. "But, I don't think I c-c-can go," she says, shaking her head, disappointed in herself.
"You know what your therapist said." Manny reminds her. "All of that is possible, you just have to try. It's going to be hard and scary, but you have to put yourself out of your comfort zone and try things." He explains.
Nodding her head once again, Santana sighs in defeat. She knows what her therapist has said. She's said it time and time again. However, Santana has never had the courage to actually listen to her. She wants to be normal and she wants to be able to do things like go to Rachel's, no matter how awful Rachel's get-togethers probably are. But so far, she hasn't been able to be brave enough to do anything like that.
Manny leans down and places a kiss on the top of her head and gives her a squeeze. "I love you kid," He tells her affectionately. "I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I wish I could help, but you know this is something we can't do for you," he tells her softly.
Santana sighs and leans into his side, "I know. And I love you too."
x
Brittany walks out of detention by herself today. None of her other friends had been submitted to the torture today which made it even worse. She normally at least has one of her friends she can talk to but today she'd just sat there by herself. There was that one kid everyone calls stoner Brett but he'd just slept the whole time.
She doesn't really like talking to him anyway. People call her dumb, and maybe she is but at least she can hold a conversation. He's always too high to even know what is going on around him.
Though, after sitting through that, she really just wants to go hang out with her friends and smoke herself. She'd also actually gone to her last class of the day before detention so she's really itching for some. Her last class is just home ec and doesn't really require much brain power but it's really lame. She skips that one the least out of her other classes though because at least a lot of the times they end up cooking and she gets a snack.
She can't cook and her stuff never turns out correct, but she always steals someone else's.
As she walks down the hallway, she notices Santana just up ahead, sitting on a bench next to the back doors. She's got her feet crossed underneath her up on the bench and headphones in her ears as she writes in a spiral notebook.
This is the first time she's seen the girl since detention a couple of days ago.
Brittany takes a moment to just watch her. She's dressed in some light jeans that are just a little baggy and a dark green hoodie that's definitely a little too big but she looks super comfy and cozy. Her hair is pulled up in a bun on top of her head and she's got her black rimmed glasses perched on her nose. Honestly, she looks adorable.
She's got her tongue just poking out of the corner of her mouth as she concentrates on whatever it is she's writing down. And apparently, she's not happy with it because her brows furrow and she very firmly starts scratching out whatever she wrote with a frown.
Brittany can't help but let out a small chuckle watching her as she looks like she's going to rip the paper out of frustration. But then Brittany catches herself and clears her throat, trying to shake the thoughts from her head. She's just staring at this girl and thinking about how cute she is.
What a creep.
And since when does she find anyone cute?
She glances around the hallway for a moment to see if anyone else is around that could possibly see her being such a creep. Thankfully, the hallways are empty. She then takes a few steps towards Santana, not exactly confident or understanding why she's even approaching her. Honestly, she wouldn't normally even notice someone like Santana or pay them any mind but she feels a weird fascination with her. And her feet were moving quicker than her brain and before she could stop herself, she was standing just a few steps away from the girl.
She leans up against the wall next to Santana and folds her arms over her chest, glancing down at the spiral Santana is writing in. But Santana either doesn't notice her or is just ignoring her again.
And that kind of annoys her.
Rolling her eyes, Brittany stands up off the wall and plucks one of the earbuds out of Santana's ear, making her jump.
"Hey," Brittany greets when Santana's startled eyes meet hers. And Brittany feels a little bad, because honestly the girl looks terrified.
She definitely hadn't been ignoring her. She just hadn't noticed her, being too wrapped up in whatever she's furiously writing in her spiral.
Santana's eyes widen and she puts a hand over her chest, trying to calm her racing heart. But seeing that it's Brittany standing next to her doesn't help to calm her down. She just swallows hard and slowly pulls the other ear bud out of her ear not really sure what to do next. She looks at Brittany for a second but then looks away, suddenly finding her converse very interesting.
"Whatcha writing?" Brittany asks, leaning over to get a peak at Santana's spiral.
But Santana quickly closes it and holds it tightly against her chest.
It catches Brittany off guard a bit, but she just smirks and lets it go. Obviously whatever it was is private. Normally that would make her want to yank the spiral out of someone's hand and read it even more than she already wants to.
But for some reason she can't find it in her to do that to Santana.
"You weren't in detention yesterday or today." Brittany states watching the quiet girl next to her. "I mean, I just assumed you had the same amount as me since you were in the same fight as me." She explains. "Not that you were really in the fight." She adds, her brows furrowing, still not really understanding how Santana had gotten caught up in all of this.
Santana looks at her curiously, because she hadn't thought Brittany knew why she was in detention.
"My friend Sugar knows basically everything." Brittany explains with a shrug, already knowing what Santana is thinking. "She's kind of annoying, but her useless information comes in handy sometimes." She says with a small laugh. "And apparently people have been talking about the quiet nerd that got into a fight with the badass Brittany Pierce," she adds with an amused smirk.
Santana's eyes widened at that information. She doesn't want people talking about her like that. She knows people make fun of her behind her back all of the time and she's come to accept that. But she doesn't need them gossiping about something that didn't really even happen. And she doesn't want the extra attention that people may give her if they think she's been in a fight.
"Don't worry. People will be over it soon," Brittany shrugs.
Santana just nods her head and looks back down at her spiral that is resting in her lap. She traces her fingers along the cartoon of the superhero, Thunder that's on the cover. She just needs to give herself something to do other than look at Brittany. It just makes her even more nervous, looking at her. She doesn't even really know why Brittany is talking to her. She's never paid her any attention before detention.
And there's nobody else in the hallways with them so that makes her a little nervous.
Brittany could do anything to her and nobody would even see or be able to stop her.
"I'm sorry about getting you into detention, I guess it was kind of my fault." Brittany says looking over at Santana although the brunette won't look at her. "If I would have known they were giving you detention and thinking that you were involved, I would have said something." She tells her sincerely. It makes Santana look over at her curiously. Sincerity has never been something associated with Brittany Pierce.
But when she looks into those piercing blue eyes, she sees nothing but sincerity. It makes her swallow hard.
Brittany smiles at her and Santana hesitantly gives her a warm smile back, still not exactly sure what is happening or why Brittany is being so nice to her.
They just stare at each other for a few seconds but then Brittany is the one that has to look away suddenly feeling flushed. She clears her throat and stands up, shoving her hands into her pockets. She looks around the hallway awkwardly and mentally curses at herself. She doesn't remember a time where she acted as lame as she is right now.
"Why are you still here anyway?" Brittany asks, trying to regain some of her composure. She isn't really sure what is happening to her right now. Why is she getting so weird around this girl? She's just some nerd. Brittany should be like throwing her in a dumpster or something, not making small talk. And she definitely shouldn't be getting all nervous.
Brittany doesn't do nervous.
She can't remember the last time she was nervous.
Santana looks up at her and sucks her bottom lip into her mouth. After a second, she gets an idea and quickly opens her spiral up to an empty page. She writes her answer down in it and hands the book over to the blonde.
"Waiting on my brother," Brittany reads aloud. She nods her head and hands the spiral back over to Santana. "What time will he be here?" She asks curiously. School has already been out for an hour so she is just curious as to how much longer she will be waiting.
Not that she cares. Really.
Santana once again writes something down in the spiral and hands it back to Brittany. "4:30" Brittany reads. She glances at the clock above Santana's head and frowns. "That's another 30 minutes." She says looking back at Santana with a frown.
Santana just nods her head and shrugs a little, taking the spiral back. She writes another note in it, this time a longer one and Brittany waits patiently for her to give it back.
Brittany can't help but feel like she should be annoyed talking to this girl through a spiral, but she's not. At all. Everything that would normally annoy her about a person, she is finding endearing on Santana. It's confusing her to no end.
What is happening to her? She really feels the need to go lock JBI in a port a-potty and flip it over just so she can feel better. And get whatever this is out of her system.
Pulling herself from her thoughts, she accepts the spiral from Santana once again and reads over the note. "It was raining this morning so he drove me to school and then he got held up at the doctor this afternoon." She reads quietly to herself, feeling that it was pointless reading it out loud. Santana knows what she wrote.
Brittany hands the spiral back and bites down on her lip thoughtfully. She glances around the hallway once again before turning her attention back to Santana. "I could give you a ride, if you want." She says, shrugging her shoulders a bit awkwardly.
Santana's eyes widen and she shakes her head quickly.
It offends Brittany a bit, because Santana looks like that is like the worst idea ever. It's not like she'd kill her or anything. But Brittany also knows about the reputation that she has and honestly it's the reputation that she has made for herself on purpose so she can't really blame the girl for thinking she may actually hurt her. But she still feels a bit defensive over it. "I was just trying to be nice, but it's whatever." Brittany says a bit harshly and rolls her eyes, feeling stupidly rejected.
By a nerd nonetheless.
Brittany turns on her heel and starts to walk away but Santana reaches out and grabs her wrist, stopping her in her tracks.
Brittany turns around and looks at Santana's hand wrapped around her wrist and then up at Santana's big brown eyes.
The brunette quickly pulls her hand away and lets it fall to her lap, clearly regretting her decision to reach out and touch Brittany. Her eyes move back down to her lap and she chews on her lip nervously. Why'd she do that? Why'd she have to grab her?
"Come on," Brittany says, simply making Santana look back up at her. Brittany just nods her head towards the doors and takes a couple of steps backwards, wanting Santana to follow her.
Santana inhales deeply, wondering quickly if she's actually going to do this. But she doesn't have much time to think about it because Brittany is already almost out the doors so she quickly gathers her things up before following Brittany out of the school. She quickly sends her brother a text letting him know he doesn't need to come and pick her up. She then types out her address and hands her phone over to Brittany letting her see it.
Brittany nods, and luckily knows where the street is. Though it's not too surprising. It's not like Lima is very big anyway. It's pretty hard to get lost.
They get into the parking lot and Santana follows Brittany quietly, her hands holding tightly onto her spiral against her chest. Her eyes dart around the parking lot; there were only a few cars still there. She spots Tina's Prius by itself and realizes the few cars that are still there are probably mainly the Glee kids and the ones that are in some sort of athletics.
She doesn't notice Brittany stop and it causes her to collide into the blonde's back, making her gasp. She gives Brittany an apologetic smile when Brittany turns around to look at her.
Brittany just hands Santana a helmet which confuses her. It's then she notices that they stopped in front of a motorcycle. Her eyes widen as Brittany climbs onto it and she takes a step back, shaking her head furiously.
Riding with Brittany in a car is already scary enough. She definitely doesn't want to ride on the back of her motorcycle.
Chuckling, Brittany shakes her head and climbs back off of it, realizing that Santana is scared, "Come on, it's fine." She assures her. "I won't get you killed, I promise." She says, holding three fingers up by her head.
Santana's eyes are still wide as her eyes dart from Brittany to the bike. She swallows nervously and subconsciously takes another step backwards.
"Come here," Brittany says softly, reaching out for Santana. She grabs her forearm that is still crossed over Santana's chest and gently pulls her closer to the bike, making her stumble a bit. "It's really not as scary as it seems." She assures her gently. "Just sit on it. One step at a time, and if you get scared then you can get off." She says honestly. "It won't go anywhere."
Santana looks fearful, but she slowly nods her head, agreeing.
Just sit on it.
She can do that.
She pulls her backpack off and puts her spiral back inside of it before putting it back on her back again. She then steps closer to the bike and looks questioningly at Brittany.
"Just throw one leg over like a bicycle." Brittany tells her, "It won't fall or anything." She says reassuringly. "And I'll be right here holding it, just in case," she adds, hoping it'll ease her worries a bit.
Santana nods and a bit ungracefully climbs onto the bike. Her hands grip the handles and she quickly looks up at Brittany, not knowing what to do next.
"How's it feel?" Brittany asks curiously.
Nodding her head, a small smile appears on Santana's lips and it makes Brittany grin as well. She grabs the helmet that Santana had sat on the ground and moves back over to her. "Take your glasses off for a second," she instructs her.
Santana hesitates because she knows that putting on the helmet is just another small step but it's a small step that is leading to actually riding on the motorcycle.
But she does as she's told and lets Brittany carefully put the helmet over her head. Santana then pushes her glasses onto her face through the gap in front. It'd probably be easier to just ride without them but she really can't see without them. And if she's going to be riding on this bike she wants to be able to see what is going on or if she's about to die.
Then again, maybe it'd be better if she didn't see it.
"Alright, I'm going to start it up," Brittany says, and she can physically see Santana's whole body tense up as her eyes widen. "It's not going to go anywhere. I promise," she assures her. "You have to put it into gear and it's a whole process," she says, waving her hand in the air dismissively. "Just starting it won't make it move," she adds. "It's just kind of loud so I want you to get used to it," she explains to her.
Santana swallows and nods her head, letting Brittany know that she can start it up. Brittany moves around so that she's standing next to her. She pulls a little lever and hits a switch or two before she turns the key and Santana really has no idea what she's doing. But then Brittany glances back at her before hitting one last button making it roar to life.
It is pretty loud and it makes Santana jump when she feels it vibrating underneath her body. She almost wants to get off of it but she feels Brittany's eyes on her, giving her a gentle smile and it's enough to make her stay.
She can feel her heart pounding in her chest but it's not necessarily in a bad way.
It's actually kind of thrilling.
And by the way Brittany is grinning at her, she can read Santana and knows that she likes it.
"You ready to go?" Brittany asks, admiring the way Santana looks in her helmet and on her bike. She's adorable and Brittany can't stop smiling at her.
Santana slowly nods her head in response and lets go of the handlebars. She carefully scoots back, giving Brittany enough room to get in in front of her. She's still not exactly sure about this and she's definitely feeling some anxiety. But surprisingly, it's not enough anxiety to make her jump off the bike and run.
A part of her is actually really excited to ride on a motorcycle.
Brittany pulls a pair of Sunglasses out of her bag and places them over her eyes. She then carefully climbs on the bike without kicking Santana and knocking her off. "Alright, just wrap your arms around my waist." Brittany instructs, but she doesn't feel Santana do as she is told.
She glances over her shoulder at the brunette and sees the struggle in her eyes. It makes Brittany laugh and she reaches behind her, finding both of Santana's hands and pulls them around her waist. She hears Santana gasp behind her as she clasps Santana's hands over her stomach. "Trust me, you're going to want to hang on," Brittany chuckles.
Brittany then stands the bike up and pushes the kickstand in. She revs the engine a few times and feels Santana jump behind her. She just smirks but doesn't pull out of the parking lot quite yet, letting Santana settle down. "You ready?" Brittany calls out, glancing over her shoulder.
Santana takes in a deep breath and nods her head, knowing this is her last chance to change her mind.
She's kind of having a tug of war but surprisingly, her desire to actually do this wins against her anxiety to not do this.
Brittany slowly starts moving them forward and she feels Santana's grip tighten around her as they pick up speed and get onto the main road.
It only takes about 5 minutes for them to reach Santana's street, but Santana hasn't noticed because she's got her eyes closed tightly. "Which house?" Brittany yells, turning her head slightly, hoping Santana can hear.
Santana slowly opens her eyes and realizes they're on her street and coming up to her house. She lifts a shaky arm up and points to her house, making Brittany nod in acknowledgment.
Brittany pulls into the driveway and shuts the bike off, figuring having the noise gone will ease Santana's anxiety a bit. Santana's hands are still clutched around her stomach and she reaches down giving them a squeeze. "Here we are my lady," Brittany says with a smirk, carefully getting off the bike first. She extends her hand out to Santana wanting to help her climb off.
Santana takes in a breath, getting her bearings back and then looks down at Brittany's hand. She hesitantly grabs Brittany's hand and lets her help her off the bike, giving her a small smile, though Brittany can't even see it with the helmet still on her head.
She drops Brittany's hand and takes her glasses off before carefully lifting the helmet off her head. Once she puts her glasses back on, she sees Brittany standing there smiling at her. But then she notices that Brittany isn't looking at her but the top of her head.
Santana blushes and reaches up, feeling that she has little strands of hair going in every which direction because of the helmet.
Brittany just chuckles and reaches out, taking the helmet out of Santana's hands. "So? Was it as scary as you thought?" Brittany asks, putting the helmet on the seat of her bike.
Santana shakes her head and gives Brittany a cute little grin.
Brittany chuckles in response and then bites her lip. She's really not sure what all these weird feelings swirling around inside of her are. She just wants to reach out and hug this girl and that's really strange. She's never really been a touchy feely person but something inside of her is just making her itch to touch her.
She just looks so damn cute.
Santana starts to put her hands out in front of her and Brittany thinks she's going to sign something but then she stops. She pulls her phone out of her pocket and starts typing something before handing the phone over to Brittany.
Thanks for bringing me home.
Brittany looks back up at Santana and hands her phone back over to her. "No problem," she shrugs. They just smile at each other for a moment and then Brittany clears her throat, looking away from Santana for a moment. "I should get going," she tells her, taking a step towards her bike.
Santana nods her head and steps out of the way. She gives Brittany a small wave before turning to walk up the driveway to her house.
"Hey Santana?" she hears Brittany call out to her.
Santana turns around and looks at Brittany curiously.
Brittany looks a bit hesitant and unsure of herself and it confuses Santana. She then watches as Brittany lifts her hands up and signs, "I'll see you at school tomorrow,"
Santana's eyes widen and she wants to respond but before she can, Brittany puts the helmet on her head and climbs onto her bike, starting it up. She then looks over at Santana and gives her a little wink before tearing out of the driveway.
Santana stands stunned for a moment. So Brittany knows ASL?
Interesting.
It just makes her want to get to know Brittany even more. The way she was talking to her and how gentle she was with letting her warm up to the bike and everything, is definitely not the same Brittany that she's heard all of these horrible things about.
And she supposes that's why you should never judge people based on things that you hear.
And now she can actually talk to Brittany without having to worry about writing things down or typing them out on her phone. She's not really sure how good Brittany is at ASL but she'd formed a whole sentence and all the signing had been correct so she's pretty sure that Brittany is good at it.
It just makes her get a giddy smile on her face.
She practically skips the rest of the way up the driveway and walks inside, leaning up against the front door, letting out a dreamlike sigh.
She can't help but be proud of herself after today. She'd really gotten out of her comfort zone and had let Brittany bring her home. And not only that, but she rode on a freaking motorcycle!
It was terrifying but also thrilling.
And after all of that and all of the anxiety that she felt through it all. She did it, and she's alive and she's safe.
The world didn't end. And she actually had fun.
Santana skips up the stairs and makes her way into her bedroom, letting her backpack drop onto the floor next to her desk. She pulls her phone out of her pocket and connects it to her speaker, letting music blast throughout her bedroom.
She's in one of the best moods that she's been in in awhile and she can't seem to wipe the smile off of her face.
x
Brittany pulls her bike up to Quinn's house and notices her mom's car in the driveway. She pulls her helmet off and leaves it on the handlebar before walking up to the front door. She opens it without knocking like she always does, even when Judy is home.
Brittany has known Quinn since they were in the 3rd grade and she comes over so often that her mom told her she didn't even need to knock and that she is always welcome to come inside.
When she walks in, she spots Judy in the living room, making herself a drink at the bar. "Hey Judy," Brittany greets with a small wave.
Judy takes a sip of her drink and looks up at Brittany over the glass, "Hello dear," She greets back, setting her drink down. "Would you like a drink?" She asks with a sloppy grin and Brittany can tell she has already had one too many.
Brittany just shakes her head and gives her a smile before retreating up the stairs to Quinn's bedroom. She opens the door and finds Quinn sitting by the open window smoking a joint.
"Hey," Brittany greets, throwing herself on the blonde's bed. She kicks her shoes off and makes herself comfortable.
Quinn takes another long drag from the joint before putting it on the ashtray. "Where have you been?" Quinn asks curiously. "You were supposed to be here 30 minutes ago." She adds, moving the ashtray so that she can close her window.
Brittany just shrugs, "I had things to do." She answers vaguely, knowing that Quinn won't pry into her business. Quinn isn't that stupid.
Quinn does look at her suspiciously, but just as Brittany predicted, she doesn't comment. She has learned her lesson on prying into Brittany's life. Brittany is normally pretty open about everything so if she is being short or vague about something, Quinn knows not to ask about it.
"Your mom is already drunk," Brittany states with a smirk, folding her arms behind her head.
Quinn just rolls her eyes and sits down at the foot of the bed by Brittany's feet. "Yeah well, what's new?" She asks bitterly.
Brittany looks up at her and sees the annoyed look on Quinn's face, "Hey at least she is here." Brittany tells her honestly. "And at least she isn't like some angry drunk or anything. I love your mom." Brittany says with a smile.
Quinn just nods her head and sighs, because she knows that Brittany is right. "So I heard about this party that Finn Hudson is throwing on Friday and I thought maybe we could crash it." Quinn suggests with a shrug.
Brittany laughs out loud, "How much fun could a Finn Hudson party be?" She asks amused. She raises herself up on her elbows and looks over at Quinn who just shrugs her shoulders.
"Well then what do you suggest we do?" Quinn asks, raising a brow.
Lying back down on the bed, Brittany sighs. "I don't know," She mumbles. "It's only Wednesday, just see what happens." She says with a shrug. Brittany has never been one for planning out their evenings. She's always been a go with the flow kind of person. "If we really can't find anything to do we can crash Finn's party and if it's a dump we can leave." She says and Quinn nods in agreement.
A few minutes later Sam walks through the door with a smile on his face and a drink in his hand. "Your mom is awesome." He says, closing the door behind him.
Quinn just rolls her eyes and Brittany smirks.
"So what are you guys up to?" He asks, standing next to the bed, sipping on his drink.
Quinn just shrugs with a bored expression. "We were just talking about maybe going to Finn's party on Friday." She informs him.
Sam just nods his head, not looking particularly interested in Finn's party. Finn Hudson is the quarterback for their football team and he thinks that he is the shit. Their football team is actually probably the worst in the state so they don't really understand how he thinks he is so awesome, but he does. He's also kind of awkward although he tries to act like some ladies man.
He looks like an adult baby to Brittany.
And he's kind of an idiot.
The only reason to even consider going to a Finn Hudson party is for the free booze and Puck and Sam would want to go just because there will be a lot of girls there. A lot of drunk girls at that.
"You smoking?" Sam asks, eyeing the ashtray on the nightstand that is still smoking.
Quinn gets off the bed and opens her window back up and pulls another joint out of her stash box. Sam smiles and walks over taking it from her, pulling a lighter from his pocket.
Brittany stays on the bed just staring at the ceiling as she listens to her friends talk about nothing in particular and smoke. Sam tries getting her to come and join them but she declines. Which she knows probably seems strange. An hour ago all she could think about was how she wanted to get out of detention and go smoke with her friends.
But then she'd seen Santana in the hallway and her world basically flipped upside down.
And now she can't keep her mind off the girl.
She can't help but wonder what Santana's voice sounds like. Is it high pitched? Or is it deeper? Does she have any kind of accent? She bets that it sounds just as warm as her dark brown eyes are. Those eyes that she just kept getting drawn towards and kept having to force herself to look away from.
She goes over a few options in her head on what Santana's voice possibly sounds like and she can't really decide how she thinks it sounds, but either way she bets it is the most amazing voice ever. It's funny because she has never thought this much about anyone's voice. It's not usually something anyone sits and thinks about or focuses on. But she really wants to find out what it sounds like.
She is determined to hear it.
And she has no idea why she's so caught up thinking about Santana's voice, and her eyes and just about everything else about Santana.
She thinks she might be going crazy.
x
Manny walks into the house after getting home from his doctor's visit to check the progress of his knee. He should have been done in plenty of time to pick Santana up from school on time, but they were running behind schedule and it made him feel a little guilty.
He knew she was okay with staying at school a little late, but he was relieved when she'd text him and told him she found a ride. He just assumed that Tina had gotten out of Glee early or something and given her a ride home. He knows Santana wouldn't get into a car with some random person. And he also knows she's terrified of the bus so that wasn't an option.
He heads up the stairs to check on her and hears her music blasting. He laughs to himself and continues down the hallway. She's always loved music and he remembers when she was a kid she used to always be singing. It makes him a little sad that he doesn't ever see her doing it anymore.
But sometimes when she's in a really good mood, she'll blast her music like this and it gives him a little hope. She's progressed with her anxiety a lot over the past few years and he hopes that that continues and that she will take her therapist's advice and put herself out there to try new things and get out of her comfort zone. He knows how much it upsets her that she struggles to just go have dinner with a group of friends.
Something that seems so simple to most people.
He wants her to have friends and have the experiences that most teenagers have.
As he gets closer he hears Santana's voice singing along to the music and it makes him smile even bigger. He hasn't actually heard her sing in a really long time. He'll catch her singing quietly as she does homework or chores sometimes, and he doesn't even think she notices that she is doing it. But he hasn't heard her actually belting out a song like this in forever.
He almost doesn't want to go into her room because he knows that she's probably going to get embarrassed and stop. But he also wants her to know that it's okay and she should keep singing like this.
He's also curious as to why she's in such a good mood today.
He opens the door to her room and sees her dancing around her room using a hairbrush as a microphone as she belts the lyrics to some song that he doesn't recognize. It's a pop song and they all sound the same to him.
Leaning up against the doorframe he just watches her with a wide grin on his face. He loves seeing her like this, because it is very rare. Even though she feels more comfortable at home and can actually use her voice and be herself, she still doesn't completely let go most of the time. She is still reserved and pretty quiet.
She's always had anxiety and been really shy but when she was younger she was a lot more talkative at home. She was also really goofy and always made him laugh. But after everything that she's been through, it just made her close herself up. Even to her himself and their mom.
It was sad and he really just wants her to find that goofy girl she used to be again.
It doesn't take long for Santana to spin around and see him though. She drops the brush immediately and stares at Manny with wide eyes. She rushes over to her phone and turns it off filling the room with silence.
Manny chuckles and stands up straight, "Please continue," he says, making her blush and look down. He feels a little guilty for making her stop. But he'd really wanted to see this for himself and he really wants her to know that it's okay and that she can be like this when he's around. "You sounded great," he tells her seriously.
Santana clears her throat, "thanks," she says weakly, still obviously embarrassed for being caught, dancing and singing around her room.
"Why are you in such a good mood?" He asks her with a smirk.
Santana bites her lip and tries to will another blush away from her face. She just shrugs in response and sits down on her bed, not daring to look up at her brother.
"Okay well who gave you a ride home? I thought Tina had Glee?" He asks, making his way into her bedroom. He sits down on her bed and leans up against the headboard, watching her. She's obviously hiding something and he wants to get to the bottom of it.
Santana fiddles with her binder that is opened on her bed and shrugs her shoulders, "Brittany," She says softly. She'd thought about lying and saying that Tina had finished glee early but she knew that would be a bad idea.
She's just not a good liar.
Manny looks confused and tilts his head to the side. "Brittany? Who is Brittany? I've never heard you mention her." He asks curiously.
Santana chews on her bottom lip and fiddles with the pages in her binder, flipping the corners of the pages. "She is m-my friend." Santana says quietly. But then she frowns slightly to herself. Is Brittany her friend? She's really only spoken to her twice and they were both short conversations. But she did ride with her home on her motorcycle. Santana would like to consider her a friend, but she doesn't know how Brittany feels.
Brittany probably wouldn't want to be friends with someone like her.
Brittany and her friends are just so cool, and Santana is well...a loser.
Manny nods his head slowly, watching his sister closely. He has never heard her mention Brittany which is weird to him. Santana is very cautious with who she hangs out with. It also takes her awhile to warm up to someone so the fact that she caught a ride with someone he has never even heard of is odd to him.
"What?" Santana asks when she looks up and sees the way that her brother is looking at her. He is studying her like he is trying to read her mind or something. It makes her shift uncomfortably.
Narrowing his eyes, Manny continues watching her for another couple of minutes before breaking out into a grin. "Do you have a crush on someone?" He asks both shocked and amused. He hasn't known Santana to have a crush on anyone since Holly Holiday.
Santana's eyes widen and she shakes her head furiously. "What? N-no!" She says quickly. "Manny!" She shouts embarrassed. She covers her face with her hands and groans, which only makes him laugh louder.
When his laughter dies down, he scoots closer to her and puts his arm around her. "I'm sorry I laughed," he apologizes, still not being able to hide his grin. But she still has her face buried in her hands so she can't see him anyway. "Santana," He urges, pulling gently on her hands.
She lets her hands drop into her lap but she still doesn't look up at him.
"So what is she like?" He asks, giving her shoulder a squeeze.
Santana rolls her eyes and pulls away from him slightly. "Manny, s-she is just a... f-friend." She tells him, trying to sound as firm as possible.
He puts his hands up defensively but doesn't stop grinning. "Okay, I'm sorry, I'll stop asking about her." He says honestly. He gets off of her bed and walks towards her door. He stops in the doorway and turns around towards her, "Is she hot?" He asks with a mischievous grin.
"Get out!" Santana yells, throwing a pillow at him, but he dodges it and darts down the hallway, laughing loudly.