Chapter 31

October 22nd 1999

Heavy

By the time Friday arrived, Hermione was feeling a shadow of the anxiety she had used to feel before her dinners with Fred back when they had begun their weekly meetings. She had spent the week, both at work and at home, trying to figure out the words to tell him about the monument and how to explain why the Minister had chosen for the Weasleys to be unaware of Ron's inclusion on it. In truth, despite their many meetings and comfortable conversations, they had never really gotten into a deep discussion of the war, or Ron's death and how it affected them. They both just knew how it had affected each other without finding a need to ask or receive validation. Now though, with the monument and the surprise that she was trying to avoid him having to cope with, she knew that the time had come for that discussion, at least to some degree. There was no escaping it now and she supposed that it was only natural for them to discuss this at some point, though she would have been just as happy if that point had never arrived.

As she rose from her desk, she took a deep breath and swallowed down her fear and nervousness before saying goodbye to Dennis and exiting into the corridor, making her way towards the elevators. Her mind was distracted during her entire walk, people passed by her and she found that she was so deep in thought that she barely registered the knocks of their shoulders as they made their own way home. She was surprised when she arrived in the atrium, having been carried this far on pure auto-pilot and without diverting her mind away from the conversation she had been hoping to put off. As she waited in a queue for one of the fireplaces, she tried to predict how the conversation would go but she found that she wasn't even certain of how she would process the discussion, so it was hopeless to try and predict how Fred would process it. She stepped forward whenever the space in front of her opened up, tapping her foot with either impatience or as a way to quell the anxiety inside of her, she honestly wasn't sure. Once she reached the fireplace she stepped in and went to throw the ashes down, but something made her pause. She could go home and dwell over this some more, or she could go straight to Fred's flat to catch him as soon as he came upstairs from the shop at some point in the next hour. Mulling it over, she decided that dwelling on it probably wasn't the best course of action and called out for his flat instead, spinning rapidly before being deposited inside his fireplace.

With the darker evenings, she found his living room only dimly lit from the light posts that lined Diagon Alley and illuminated the cobbled path and shop fronts for evening shoppers. Pulling her wand from her sleeve, she flicked it around the room and one by one, the lamps and candles that littered the surfaces flickered to life and bathed the room in warm, calming light, casting shadows that danced around the walls and ceilings. She flicked her wand once more and the room began to warm around her until she felt able to slip off her coat and drop it over the arm of the sofa, placing her wand on top before slipping her shoes off and tucking them underneath the side of the seating. Seeking to distract her mind from the turmoil of the talk she was expecting, she placed her hands on her hips and looked around the room, quickly deciding against pulling a book from the shelf and curling up on the sofa and instead thinking that maybe she should prepare dinner for them both. She had grown very at home in his flat over the past few months, knew where everything was kept and he had shown her consistently that he didn't mind her making herself at home. With a smile, she crossed over into the kitchen and began pulling ingredients and cooking utensils from the cupboards before getting to work on their meal. Half an hour later she had put her creation, a very large Shepherd's Pie that was absolutely covered in cheese which would melt to help the potatoes crisp on top, into the oven and turned her attention to washing up the dishes and pans she had used thus far. She didn't hear Fred come up due to the water running in front of her and was shocked when she felt him stand behind her, dropping a kiss on the top of her head with a chuckle.

"I wasn't expecting this," he murmured against her hair before stepping to the side and picking up a tea towel, "when did you get here?"

"I came straight from work," she said, turning to smile at him and handing him the frying pan she had just washed, which he immediately began to dry, "I didn't feel like going home."

"Oh?" he asked, raising his eyebrow in question and she shrugged, "everything okay? At work, I mean?"

"Yeah…" she sighed and he rolled his eyes, nudging her shoulder with his own and she gulped, knowing the time had come to raise the topic, "Kingsley is working on a war monument."

"Really?" Fred asked, sounding as shocked as she had been when she had found out and she dropped the washing up into the sink before turning to face him and nodding, "Dad didn't mention it."

"He doesn't know," Hermione muttered, gesturing with her head for him to follow her into the living room and he did, throwing the tea towel over his shoulder, "and you're not supposed to know what I'm about to tell you, either. Hell, I wasn't even supposed to know."

She pulled him down onto the sofa, both of them sitting with their bodies twisted towards each other and elbows touching where they rested against the backrest, before she began to explain what she had seen in Kingsley's office. She told him how she had gone into work that morning expecting anything except what she had found out, how he had given up and shown her the plans for the monument while explaining to her that it was meant to be a surprise for everyone, including the Weasleys. She reached for his hand, gulping as she described the statues and Ron's significant placement. Fred was silent the entire time, listening as she spoke and keeping his eyes fixed between them, then on their hands as they gently rested together. She offered a reassuring squeeze when she saw his throat bob, gulping at the mention of his brother and assured him that while she understood Kingsley's decision for the monument to be a surprise even for them, she didn't agree with his choice. He nodded slightly at this before they fell silent and she allowed him the time to process what she had said.

"Where is it going to be?" he asked quietly after some time, not looking up at her and she kicked herself for not including that piece of information.

"Hogwarts," she offered and he snapped his head up, meeting her gaze and she saw that his eyes were moist, "in the main courtyard."

"Oh wow," he muttered and Hermione frowned at him in confusion when he began to smile, though it was tempered by the sadness in his eyes, "Ron would hate that, he'd throw a-"

"What do you mean he'd hate it?" Hermione asked, dumbfounded by his reaction and he smirked, rolling his eyes as he squeezed her hand.

"Stuck at Hogwarts forever, having to put up with Peeves for all eternity," he chuckled quietly and Hermione couldn't help but find the mental image amusing, "can you imagine?"

"Yes, actually," Hermione sighed, unable to fight the grin that fought its way on to her lips, "he'd be demanding a different spot, I'm sure. But I like the idea of him watching over the students as they come and go, you know?"

"It's perfect," Fred sighed, his face sobering as he shook his head slightly, "when are they unveiling it?"

"All Kingsley could tell me was 'towards the end of December'," she quoted and he nodded, laying his head against his arm and looking up at her.

She looked at him sadly, noticing the wetness in his eyes and the sadness behind his features. She had not seen him in a vulnerable state such as this in all the time they had been meeting and it pulled at her heartstrings, somehow increasing the already sizable amount of love she felt for him. Without allowing herself to think too much in case she double guessed herself, she leaned her own head against her arm and dropped his hand from her other one before lifting it to his face, gently stroking his cheek and pushing her fingers back into the hair above his ear. His eyes widened, though they closed so quickly afterwards that she may have imagined it, before he hummed at the feeling of her nails against his scalp. Her face was dangerously close to his, the breaths that left his nose joining hers as they escaped. Despite the anxiety she had felt at the idea of this conversation, she felt nothing but comfort in his company and it came as a shock, even to her, to realise that. As she stroked her fingers through his unruly strands, he gulped audibly, moving just a little closer so that their noses brushed and her own eyelids flickered, but then his eyes snapped open and met hers as he cleared his throat.

"Hermione… I…" he whispered and she felt her heart skip a beat at the sight of something she had never noticed in his eyes before, but he let out out a shaky breath that seemed to be halfway between a sigh and groan before pulling his head away and catching her hand in his as it fell from his head, "we have to go back."

"We do." she agreed after clearing her own throat and swallowing down the lump that had formed there. She guessed that was her answer to the question of whether he'd been back since the battle.

"Will you come with me?" he asked quietly and she smiled gently, hearing a hint of shyness behind his question.

"I can't promise that I will be able to on the day of the unveiling, but I have an idea as to how we can test the waters, so to speak." she told him, to which he nodded in understanding while she moved herself to sit cross legged, now entirely sideways on the sofa.

It was something she had been thinking about in the days since she had confronted Kingsley and she had even gone as far as to seek her boss' thoughts on her idea. He had thoroughly agreed that it was a positive move and had offered to make a call, which had resulted in her receiving an invitation from the Headmistress for tea that coming Saturday. Turning and pulling her coat into her lap, she reached into the pocket and pulled out the folded piece of parchment that was held there before handing it over to Fred. She watched nervously as he read the short note that their former Professor had written, absentmindedly picking at the skin that surrounded her thumbnail as she waited. When he reached the end, he let out a heavy huff of air and let his hands fall into his lap before turning to frown at her.

"Are you going to go?" he asked and she smiled anxiously, tilting her head to one side.

"Only if you'll come with me," she said and he snorted as his eyebrows disappeared up behind his fringe. He was silent for a little too long and she sighed, reaching out a shaking hand and laying it on his forearm, "please, Fred. I'm not sure I can do this without you there with me… I… Well, I don't want to."

"You know, it's not just any witch who could get Fred Weasley to go for tea with McGonagall," he snorted with a grimace and she grinned as she leapt from her seat and dove onto him, throwing her arms around his neck. His arms wrapped around her without thought and he chuckled against her ear, sending shivers down her spine that were halted along with the beating of her heart at the next words that left his mouth, whispered directly into her ear, "it's a good job I love you."

She froze, eyes flying open as he uttered those three words that she had refused to believe that he would ever say to her, her heart having forgotten how to function. He was still chuckling, his hands rubbing her back gently as she remained rigid in her position, for all intents and purposes in his lap. He didn't seem affected by his words, completely nonplussed by her sudden stiffness. Squeezing her eyes shut, she reasoned with her own mind that he had simply meant those words in a familial sense, no differently to how he would mean them if she had been Ginny, or perhaps even George. Fighting her emotions and trying to silence the voice in her mind as it threw questions at her, she sighed as she forced herself to pull away and look at him. He smiled at her and gave her waist one more quick squeeze before she pulled away entirely and returned back to her previous cross legged position. She expected that these thoughts were something that she would battle herself on as she lay in bed that night, but they were forced to the back of her mind for the moment when Fred frowned, sniffing the air as he looked towards the kitchen.

"Is something burning?" he asked and she swore before leaping off of the sofa and running into the kitchen.

She could hear him laughing as she rushed to the oven, pulling it open. He laughed louder when the smoke rushed out and caused her hair to frizz slightly. She groaned as she pulled out the now burned Shepherd's Pie and all but threw it down on the counter next to the stove, turning to look at the amused wizard now standing in the doorway, leaning against the frame. He tried to wipe the smirk from his face but failed and she rolled her eyes as it seemed to travel from his own lips and onto hers, causing her lips to twitch up in amused embarrassment. She had no idea how he was capable of it, but everything about this man put her at ease and seemed to halt her inner turmoil as quickly as it came, no matter what caused it. He kept her demons at bay, he was the glue that was slowly beginning to hold the pieces of her fractured mind together and she was surprised to find herself not really caring about the context in which he had said those words but merely able to accept them from him in whatever capacity she could. Familial was enough, having him in her life was enough, being loved by him was enough; no matter in what sense. She smiled, glaring affectionately at him as she reached the decision to accept whatever love he was willing to provide.

"Git." she muttered, throwing the oven glove at him and chuckling to herself when it hit him square in the face.

"Take away?" he asked as he put the oven glove on the counter and she rolled her eyes, but conceded with a nod.