Chapter 35

November 17th 1999

Journalism

She couldn't bring herself to, as Ginny had so eloquently put it, 'go for it'. It wasn't that she hadn't found herself in a position to try, quite the opposite. She and Fred had spent almost every evening over the last week curled up on her sofa in the evenings, absorbed in some movie or other, settled in comfortable silence under that same gold blanket he had created for her all that time ago. All it would have taken was a slight turn of her head when he rested his against it, or a shift in position when he kissed her cheek hello or goodbye, but every time she thought about it her mind went to battle and she froze and things continued as they had. Affection given and received, something pulling them together and love felt between them but nothing actually happening to confirm it. When she had gone home after her meeting with Ginny, she had been concerned that it may be awkward, but he had been waiting for her with Prawn Curry already plated up and the serenity that she always felt in his company had washed over her. Maybe she just wasn't ready to rock the boat, maybe she was hesitant because she wasn't ready for the changes that would occur or maybe it was the complete cluelessness she held about relationships that stopped her. She was frustrated with herself, but she never once felt frustrated with him. Believing that he felt the same didn't change that, because she knew that he had his own reasons for not furthering their relationship even if she wasn't entirely sure what those reasons were. And so, for now, things continued as normal and she simply allowed herself to enjoy his company while secretly hoping that he would take the first step and she wouldn't be forced to lay everything on the line in the hopes that it would work out.

She had arrived into the office that morning in a good mood, having spent the previous evening subjecting Fred to 90s rom-coms and enjoying his groans of exasperation at the convoluted relationships of the characters, while secretly realising that if they were to create a movie of their own relationship thus far then the audience would be groaning far louder than Fred ever could. Dennis had greeted her warmly, the two of them having developed a much more friendly relationship over the recent months, before catching her up on the latest gossip from within the Ministry. Dennis seemed to know everybody, heard all the latest news and took great pleasure in discussing what he knew with Hermione. This morning he had told her about the latest pregnancies, an affair that had come to light between two people in the Auror department and the fact that Kingsley had once again had lunch with Minerva the day before. That last one piqued her interest.

"Minerva was here?" she asked, leaning back in her chair and Dennis nodded.

"Yeah, no idea why but Kingsley hugged her and she didn't know where to put her hands, it was all a little odd." he smirked back and Hermione forced a laugh before busying herself organising her already organised desk.

She knew what this latest lunch meeting and that hug meant. Minerva had finally given him a date for the unveiling and that meant the monument would be announced to the general public, including the Weasleys. It meant that they would all be going back to the place that she now felt herself incapable of returning to and that meant that Fred would be away from her for that evening, going back without her. She didn't know why, but that unsettled her and left her feeling saddened by her own demons, perhaps even a little angry at her own lack of strength. For the first time in months, with the exception of her moment at Hogwarts, the weight of her trauma set itself firmly on her shoulders and she felt a wave of hopelessness settle over her. As the weight made her feel ten stone heavier, she wondered how she had managed to cope with it consistently for so long and it dawned on her just how much her life had changed since Fred had come walking back into it. She sighed and was about to get up to knock at Kingsley's office door when the same door swung open and he stepped out, smiling softly at her.

"Hermione, could I have a word?" he asked quietly and she nodded, forcing herself out of her chair and followed him back into his office.

"When?" she asked bluntly and Kingsley sighed, collapsing into his desk chair as she did the same in the chair opposite.

"December 10th," he informed and she cringed, knowing that to be a Friday, "it's just before the students go home for Christmas, as you know, and we felt it would be better for people to have the weekend to recover from any emotions that the ceremony may bring up."

"When is it being announced?" Hermione asked quietly and he reached across his desk, pushing a copy of that day's Daily Prophet towards her.

She leaned forwards and picked it up, unfolding the newspaper and taking in the front page. Her eyes widened as she saw the headline.

Monument For The Fallen to be unveiled!

A little more than 18 months after the fateful battle that would lead to the final downfall of the dark wizard, Voldemort, the Ministry has announced its intention to unveil a monument for those who were lost during the war. In a press release from none other than the Minister for Magic himself, Kingsley Shacklebolt, we can reveal that the monument will be unveiled in a ceremony held at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, where the pivotal battle took place and Harry Potter, who now holds the Defence Against the Dark Arts post at the aforementioned school, ended the terror wrought upon the Wizarding World by Voldemort. The ceremony will take place on December 10th, a little less than a month from now and the current Headmistress of Hogwarts, Minerva McGonagall, has confirmed that there is an open invite for all who wish to be there…

The article continued, giving an unnecessary synopsis of the war and even giving some information about her own actions, but she couldn't focus on it as well as she should have. The only thing on her mind was the thought that Fred would be finding out about this from the newspaper, rather than her. She had told him that he would hear of the date from her and now she felt like she had failed to keep that promise, as he would likely have already seen the newspaper.

"I didn't know it was going to run today, Hermione," Kingsley offered and she snorted, shrugging, "I was planning on telling you before they ran the article, but I hold no power over the editor of the Prophet, unfortunately."

"If you'd wanted them to wait, you should have told me before them," she muttered sadly, throwing the Prophet back onto his desk before dragging her hand down her face, "they've never been capable of sitting on news, you know that."

"Mistakes were made, admittedly," he acknowledged, leaning forwards against his desk and glancing at his clock, "are you going to be able to be there?"

"Minerva told you, I assume?" she asked, having not spoken to him about how her previous visit had ended and he nodded, his eyes filled with concern, "no, I won't be able to. It was too much and there will be too many people…"

They fell into silence after Kingsley nodded. She could tell that he had more that he wanted to say, but kept her gaze in her lap as she pictured Fred down in the shop and reading the article, wondering why she had kept this news to herself. Or perhaps hearing about it from shoppers as they paid for their items. She knew that he would likely understand that she hadn't known and hadn't kept it from him on purpose, but that didn't matter. In her own mind she felt guilty for not being the one to inform him of this latest development and it saddened her. It was bad enough that she felt it impossible for her to be at his side during the ceremony, but the fact that he would hear about it from anyone but her left her feeling angry. She didn't fully understand why she even felt that way, knowing he would understand, but she was angry at herself and her good mood was long gone. But then, maybe he hadn't seen the Prophet yet; it was still early, barely after 9:30 and there was a chance that he hadn't heard about the date from any other source. Reaching a decision to do something she hadn't ever done, she stood abruptly from her chair and smoothed the front of her shirt.

"Kingsley, I would like to take the rest of the day off, if that's possible." she said confidently and Kingsley grinned in a way she couldn't understand.

"Absolutely," he said happily, raising his eyebrow oddly, "go and do whatever you need to do. There's nothing I need of you today, anyway."

"Thank you."

Before she could second guess her snap decision, she flew from his office and grabbed her things. If Fred had already received the news, then she would explain to him that she hadn't known in an attempt to assuage her own guilty conscience. If he hadn't then she could silence that same demon by telling him herself. If she stayed at work, she would think herself into a corner and go home that evening thinking he may be upset or angry with her for not even trying to tell him and that was unhealthy. She briefly recognised how far she had come in the last few months, now able to recognise that possible actions may be bad for her mental health and taking opportunities to rectify them before they even occurred. By taking action, by at least attempting to control her own life, she had overcome a huge hurdle. It felt good, despite the anxiety she felt when she thought about what he could be doing at that second, to take charge. She grinned at Dennis before she left the room, unable to see his confused expression, and all but ran down to the atrium. She took the stairs, so rarely used by anyone except the house elves, in order to reach her destination as fast as she could and when she arrived at the fireplaces, she threw herself into the first one and spun away.

"Hermione?" came the wrong twins' voice as she stumbled from the floo in the store room, "what are you doing here?"

"Where's Fred?" she asked quickly and George shook away his confused expression as he crossed his arms over his chest, but he didn't answer quickly enough for her liking, "George! Where is he?!"

"I sent him out for the paper!" George laughed and Hermione swore, stamping her foot, "what's gotten into you?"

"Ugh! Where?" she snapped and he rolled his eyes, though she saw a hint of concern appear as his smile faltered at the sound of her urgency.

"Blott's I'd guess, but-"

She didn't let him finish before she threw her handbag and coat onto the table in the middle of the room and set off at speed. She almost knocked a poor child to the ground as she passed and ignored the mouthful of obscenities that his mother called after her as she threw open the door to the shop. If she ever saw them again, she would apologise profusely but for now she had more important things to do, even if she was only doing them to silence her own guilty conscience. She briefly glanced into every window she passed, just in case Fred had popped into any other shops en route to Flourish & Blott's but didn't see his familiar, fiery red hair anywhere until she spotted it in a crowd of people outside the book shop. Taking a deep breath, she ran forwards and pushed her way towards him and just as she was about to reach him, she tripped over her own, or possibly someone else's, foot and yelped as she went flying forwards, crashing straight into his back and taking him down with her. He swore loudly as she knocked into him and grunted when he hit the cobblestones, the two of them landing in a position that was bizarrely close to the one he and George had ended up in, back on the day George had discovered her in his twins' flat.

"Oh god, I'm sorry!" she muttered from on top of him and he grunted again as she pushed herself up on his back, "I didn't mean to-"

"Hermione?" he asked, finally managing to turn to look at her and she smiled bashfully as he pushed himself to his knees, his eyes filled with worry, "what happened? Are you okay? Why aren't you at-?"

"December 10th!" she blurted breathlessly and he frowned, not understanding, "the monument… Ceremony… Dece-"

"Oh!" Fred gasped, finally pushing himself to his feet and standing in front of her, a hint of a smirk stretching his lips as he began to understand, "yeah I know, it's ri-"

"You know?!" Hermione gasped, feeling horrified that she hadn't managed to reach him in time, "how?"

"It's right there, love." he grinned, pointing over his shoulder at the rack of newspapers outside the book shop and she sighed, dropping her head into her hands.

She heard him chuckle lightly before she felt his hands on hers, pulling them away from her face. She stared right at his third button, feeling shame that not only had she not made it in time despite her efforts, but that she had knocked him over and probably caused some kind of bodily injury in the process. He kept her hands in his between them, only dropping one when she refused to look at him and he sighed before hooking his finger under her chin and forcing her head up. She felt her cheeks burn at the gentle, intimate action; it was a new one, he'd never done it before and it felt somehow more intimate than anything he had done before. He frowned as his eyes flicked between hers, keeping his finger under her chin and squeezing her other hand.

"Hey," he said softly, his voice deep and calming, "what's wrong, sweet? Why do you look so upset?"

"I said I'd be the one to tell you." she muttered with a shrug and Fred snorted, removing his finger from her chin and simply pulling her against his chest.

"Let me get this straight," he sighed, his arms wrapped around her as his fingers stroked soothing circles on her shoulder, "you left work early in the day, sprinted down Diagon Alley and knocked me flying because… Because you wanted to tell me the date?"

"Yes." she grumbled into his jumper, beginning to feel embarrassed by her own illogical actions.

"Why?" he asked simply and she sighed, letting her body relax in his embrace and slumping against him as her own arms wrapped around his waist.

"Because I said I'd be the one to tell you." her voice was muffled by his chest, but his amusement was clear as he laughed above her.

"You realise that's mental, right?" he chuckled and she pulled back to glare at him but he was not affected, simply smirking down at her, "in a good way, I'm very grateful that you'd do that, but still… Mental."

"I said I'd tell you!" she huffed and he laughed again, a sound that she was always hard-pressed to resist and she fought to keep the smile from her own face, "I felt guilty!"

"Hermione," he sighed, stepping back and shaking his head in amusement, "You didn't need to throw yourself at me. I just assumed you didn't know, which is why you hadn't told me."

"I didn't," she affirmed, no longer fighting her own shy smile, "Kingsley told me this morning and… Oh god," she groaned, tilting her head towards the sky and laughing ashamedly, "I have a child and his mother to apologise to."

"Wait… What?" he asked as she grabbed his forearm and pulled him back towards Wheezes, "Hermione, I didn't even get the-"

"It can wait!" she snapped, hearing him laugh from behind her, allowing himself to be all but dragged down the Alley.