A/N: So here are my reasons (excuses) for the long delay: I had exams to take this week, which didn't really hinder my writing. The real reason why it took me so long is because I suck! Suck! Absolutely suck at writing fantastical/science material. So why did I write it into my story? Because I had to in order to keep up the authenticity, so sorry if there is confusion or if it doesn't make any sense. My bad. The only redeeming quality in this chapter are my uses of symbolism and metaphors, so keep reading, enjoying, and reviewing!

Denial. It's a beautiful concept. And it's so easy. So much easier than the truth. So much easier to accept than reality. So much better to see with unknowing eyes at the scene that's playing out. So damn better to pretend that she's fine, that she's having fun cheering on Karin, that she's stands smiling with Yuzu by her side.

But she's not fine. Far from it because she's bleeding. She's bleeding and the dress she is wearing is transforming from white to red. Changing so rapidly. And Yuzu is crying as she holds Inoue up, and Karin is running towards them. And that hollow, that fucking hollow is moving in closer, moving in to attack her, to hurt her again, to try to end her.

The thought alone has something in me breaking, and it hurts. So fucking much. And the yell that rips from my throat hurts, too, and when she tiredly lifts her head up so our eyes can meet briefly, a new wave of pain washes over me. Because in her eyes is an apology. A "I'm sorry" lingering in her half-lidded eyes. Even worse, even more painful, there is a goodbye hiding beneath it all.

I don't think. I just react. I have no powers, but it doesn't stop me from running forward and kicking the hollow. It flies away a little from them, but it recovers quickly and starts charging for me. And my first instinct is to dodge, but I ignore it. I can't dodge with them being so close, so I brace myself instead. I'm going to take the hit and then rip that mask off with my bare hands, with my teeth if I must. Anything to save her.

The strike never lands.

Jinta hits the hollow with his kanabō. If he kills it, I don't know. Because one second I'm just standing there seeing him attack and then in the next, I'm by her side.

She's breathing too heavily. Her bleeding isn't stopping either. And she's in so much obvious pain, but when she sees me, she tries to smile at me, tries to reassure me that everything is alright.

Yuzu looks up at me, tears streaming down her face as she whispers, "Onii-chan."

I turn my back to them and bend down while I carefully grab Inoue's arm and place it around my shoulder. "Help her onto my back, Yuzu."

I don't see them as they do as I say, but I hear the struggle. I hear Inoue gasp in pain at the movement, and I hear Yuzu sobbing, and I hear Inoue say that she's okay. And I hear my own insides clench.

Her other arm wraps around my neck weakly, and her front presses against my back.

"I'm sorry," I mumble as I hoist her up, knowing that I would hurt her, and I'm right. I hear a small whimper come out from her despite her trying to smother it. "I'm sorry," I repeat again as I lean forward, making her rely on my back more because her grip is too loose. She'll fall off if I don't support her. "I'm sorry," I tell her as I break into a sprint, glancing back just enough to yell at Jinta and Ururu to take care of everyone, just long enough to see that despite Inoue's weakening reiatsu, her Sōten Kisshun is still at work, still trying to heal those who she couldn't save.

She is still trying to save everyone else instead of herself.

I know that each stride I make causes her pain, but I can't slow down. I can't because her breathing is becoming more shallow, and my arms that are holding her legs are becoming wet with her blood, and her spiritual pressure is diminishing quicker and quicker, and her grip around my waist and my neck are starting to get more slack, and I can feel her letting go. I can feel her slipping.

I try to run faster.

"I'm heavy, aren't I ?" She asks as she pants. Her voice is weak, like it's too much energy to speak, and yet, she's trying to make jokes, trying to make this okay, and it's not. It's not! And I want to tell her to stop because it's painful, but my tongue feels heavy in my mouth. It feels like the air is disappearing, and everything is becoming hot. Scorching and painful. Unbearable.

I can feel her lay her cheek on my shoulder, and her breath puffs out onto my neck. It's unsteady.

"I'm sor—" she tries to say.

"Don't." I couldn't stand to hear her utter those words because this is not her fault. This is mine. Even though I promised to protect her, I keep failing. I keep letting her down. I keep letting her get hurt.

All of a sudden, I feel the familiar warmth of her Sōten Kisshun, and I slow down. She'll be alright. Everything will be alright. But I hear her shield shattering, and I move my head to look over my shoulder, and I see her Sōten Kisshun spread over her again only to break the next second. It appears again, and then breaks. Appears and breaks. Over and over again until the two fairies disappear into her clips.

"Too weak," she tries to explain, and I go back to running as my chest constricts in pain.

She's used too much of her reiatsu that she doesn't have the strength to heal herself. She chose strangers to save over herself and now…now…

"Fuck!" The word leaves my mouth, and it's funny how such a harsh word can sound so pitiful and pathetic and broken. And it's funny how I had earlier feared losing her to the person she loves. I would rather lose her in that way than to lose her in any other way.

She laughs lightly. "Kurosaki-kun just curs—"

She doesn't finish her sentence. Her body becomes completely limp on my back. And her breathing on my neck is almost nonexistent. And I can barely feel her spiritual pressure anymore.

I thought I was on borrowed time with her. Could I have been wrong? Is she the one on borrowed time? Is she going to…?

Despair starts to grab ahold of me, and I start feeling like I can't see anything. Like it's just darkness in front of me, but I keep running. Blindly and desperately, I keep moving forward. Moving forward while repeating one word, one demand, one plead.

"Help. Help. Help." Like a broken record, I keep repeating it, hoping someone will answer back.

"Let her go. I got her," I hear, and I numbly, mindlessly, loosen my grip, and I feel her lifted from my back, but then the fear of losing the contact with her snaps my vision in place, and I catch Tessai's back as he carries Inoue inside. I try to follow them, but my body is shaking, trembling, and it's hard to move. Everything seems so difficult to do.

"She'll be fine, Kurosaki-san. Calm down."

I don't know how I crossed the distance so fast, but I have Urahara-san's shirt in my fist.

"Calm down!? This is your fault! If you just gave me back my badge, none of this would've happened! She wouldn't…she wouldn't!"

I don't see the curved handle of his cane strike my chest. I'm just flung across the room.

"Calm down," he warns, and I jump onto my feet and walk forward. "You're hurting her," he says, and I stop walking, stop breathing.

What does he mean? How am I…?

"Your body is releasing too much spiritual pressure. It's interfering with Tessai's Kaidō." He stares at me, his hat covering over one of his eyes. "If you do not calm down, she will not heal. If you do not calm down, you will destroy your own body."

I look down, trying to figure out what he means, but I shouldn't have looked. My arms are covered in red. I can't even see my skin. I can't see anything past her blood.

"Calm down!" He yells, but my focus doesn't waver from my arms because underneath the heaviness of her blood, I can feel that unbearable pain again. Like something is trying to escape from my body. Pushing against my skin, trying to tear it apart from the inside.

"What's going on?"

"Your reiryoku is negating the effects of my pills. You are now releasing spiritual pressure that surpass the limit in which your human body can handle. If you do not restrain yourself, your reiatsu will incinerate your body from the inside out."

As he explains, I try to reel in myself in, and I start to feel the immense physical pain fade to a dull throbbing.

"What's-what's happening to me?"

He looks away from me, and his hat hides both of his eyes now. He's hiding from me.

"What are you not telling me, Urahara-san?"

My question, accusation, is met with silence.

"At the end of your provisional month, you will not be allowed to use your powers," he states lowly.

"But!"

"At this rate, you will not be allowed to stay in the human world," he interrupts.

My anger of being denied my powers evaporates as I take in what he just said.

"Not allowed to stay?" My eyebrows knit in confusion. "I don't understand."

"The one month condition wasn't to determine if you could use your powers safely. It was to determine if you could remain in the human realm."

"Kyōraku-san didn't…" I begin.

"I convinced him to give you a month. A trial period to see if you were a threat or not to this world."

"I'm not a threat!"

"Spiritual pressure can be damaging to others, lethal even, and you're releasing amounts that are dangerous to normal humans. It was manageable before, but today, you became unhinged, and now, I'm afraid that you are, indeed, a threat."

"You said that you were researching different solutions."

"And I have, but the rate in which your reiryoku is increasing, I can't find a permanent stabilizer," he explains.

"Then I'll control myself more!"

He shakes his head. "You do not understand, Kurosaki-san. Strong emotions are causing your reiatsu to surge, and you cannot filter your emotions. You are a perpetual danger."

"I'll try better," I insist.

"It might be too late for that."

"What do you mean?"

"Under the orders of the Captain Commander, you are being closely surveillance. So far, I've been successful in blocking their signals and projecting normal images of Karakura, so that they remain unaware of the irregular activities occurring in this town, but Captain Kurotsuchi is quite eager to associate you with any irregularities. If you hadn't noticed, he sent Kuchiki-san and Abarai-san with bracelets. The bracelets were sensory cameras that not only record its surrounding, but they also measure different things like reiatsu, and the reports were sent to him. He knows that I've been interfering with his readings, but I've been successful in thwarting his methods…except for today. I wasn't expecting for the horde of hollows or your reaction. I hadn't adjusted the provisions I've made for this town. I'm afraid that Soul Society might now be aware of the gravity of your instability."

I grind my teeth in frustration. "I'm not leaving. This is my home. My life is here!"

"You will not have a choice."

That pain starts again, and I make myself take a deep breath. "They can't just—"

"They can, and they will. If having you in the human world creates an imbalance, they will take you from here without a thought. And you won't be able to fight them, Kurosaki-san, because if you do, if you are to use your powers, it is highly likely that your reiatsu will hurt the people you don't want to part from."

I couldn't fight them because I would end up hurting the people around me. I've seen what high levels of spiritual pressure can do to people with low reiatsu. I couldn't unleash my power without inflicting collateral damage, but if I don't fight, I can't stay.

"You shouldn't fault them for this, Kurosaki-san. They are only doing what they must to keep the peace."

"What should I do then!? Just sit here and wait for them to take me away?!"

"There is a possibility that they have not seen today's events or that they have and just decided to dismiss today as a ripple-effect of the war. For now, it is best that you try to be inconspicuous as you can possibly be."

He makes it sound so easy. How can I keep myself under control when my world is falling apart around me?

And if to make matters worse, Inoue's thready reiatsu plummets.

"You need to leave, Kurosaki-san. Being here will do nothing for you or for her. She will be alright. I promise you this."

I want to stay, but he's right. I'm barely keeping it together as it is, and I couldn't have myself being the one causing her pain. I had to leave.

But it's difficult. Difficult to not be by her side when she needs me…No. She doesn't need me. I'll only hurt her, but I need her. I need to be by her side because I'm terrified of what might happen if I'm not.

Urahara's looking at me, prompting me to leave, and I focus on that rather than on her, and I walk home. I try to keep my eyes forward. I can't look down. I can't see her blood anymore, or I'll just head straight to the store. I can't think about her in that state, either. I have to think of her as she normally is. I have to force myself to retreat to the first stage of grief: denial.

It gets harder to do when I'm greeted by a distressed Yuzu. She's asking about Inoue, and I try to say something to ease her worry, something to make her feel better, but I can't. I can't comfort her because I can't even comfort myself right now.

"How is Ori…" I hear dad start to ask as he enters the room, but he takes one look at me, and his question fades. I think he already knows the answer. "Come, Yuzu. Come help me and Karin."

He doesn't ask for my help. He knows I couldn't give it.

I drag myself to the bathroom and turn the water on, and I crumble to the floor as the water falls onto me. I don't even bother to take my clothes off. I won't be keeping them. I want no reminders of today. If I could, I would shed my own skin because the feel of her blood is still there. And I scrub and scrub and scrub, using my nails to peel it off, but all I'm left with is raw, pink skin and with the imprint of her on me. With the imprint of my failure.

I don't know how long I'm in there; I just know I'm cold. I don't even remember turning off the water, but I know it's off. I don't know how I end up in my room with different clothes, but I just know this is my room, my bed. I don't know how I'm surviving; I just know it's not easy.

And I'm torn. Torn between emotional fragility and stability. I can't feel, but I can't not feel. I shouldn't think of her, but she's all I can think of. And it's ridiculous that I still want my powers. Still want to wield my sword despite the consequence because if I have my Zanpakuto, I can protect her, and that's what I want, what I've always I wanted.

But protecting her means that I wouldn't be allowed to stay in this world. Protecting her means that I would have to say goodbye to my life here, my family, my friends, her…but could I live in this world knowing that she might sustain injuries like today? Live knowing that it's my fault?

I close my eyes, commanding myself to breathe. To take a deep breath. To inhale and exhale. Inhale and exhale.

It's freezing. When my eyes snap open to see what's going on, I have to rub them because it's so dark that I think my eyes are still closed, but they are wide open. I squint, trying to make out what's around me, and after a second, I realize that it's my inner world.

"How," I whisper out loud.

"Surprised, King?"

I whirl around, trying to see him.

"I am you, and you are me. You can't escape yourself, Ichigo. Can't get rid of me so easily." He cackles, and I try to follow the sound. I hear something crunching under my shoes. "You suppressed me, though. I couldn't hear or see your world for a long time." I shiver as I try to find him. Why is it so damn cold and dark? And what is landing on my skin? "I could only see this world. It was bright. The sun shone all day, all night." I stop walking. "Few clouds, but it was always bright. Too bright, sometimes." Something keeps pelting me, but I can't see what it is. All I can tell is that it is cold and hard, and it keeps falling. "The sun's gone. Today it disappeared." I look up at the sky, and whatever's falling hits my face and body. "It's raining, King. Frozen rain." He's right. That's what keeps hitting me, but it's not frozen rain. It's freezing rain. It's hail. It's hailing. "Why?"

My throat constricts tightly as I think of today.

"Why!" He shouts, and I flinch at his voice. No manic humor or malicious confidence colors his voice. It's just pained and strained.

"I hate rain…When you are sad, the rain comes down…I can't stand it. Can you understand? How horrible it is to get rained on when you are all alone in an empty world?"

I remember those words distantly, and my chest hurts as I realize the answer to his question, as I understand the pain his voice.

"I-I let…She...she."

It's too dark to see anything, too cold to really move. I can do nothing when the blade pierces my stomach.

"You once gave me full control to save her! And now you let her get hurt?! If you won't protect her, I will!" He roars as he pushes the sword deeper into me, and despite the darkness, his yellow irises brightly flash. Flashes a warning, a threat, a promise.

I sit up, gasping for air. I'm sweating, and my hands are shaking as I wildly look around. Although I am back in my room, back in the human world, Zangetsu's words echo in my head. And it's getting louder and louder, a horrifying mantra that instills terror rather than peace.

I scramble out of my bed and then out of my room, out of my home, and I run. Run all way to Urahara's store, and I slide the door open.

He is still sitting there, though it's been hours since I've left, and his mouth opens, probably to tell me to calm down because my reiatsu is in a frenzy. Because I'm panicking. Because I'm in despair.

I step into his place, and I drop to my knees. "Please." I lean forward, my head down, my hands on my knees. "Please give me back my powers. Please!"

"Kurosaki-san…I can't."

"You don't understand! He'll take over if I can't protect her!"

"Who?" He asks.

"Zangetsu. He's still there. The hollow is still there. I don't know how. I thought Yhwach…It doesn't matter! He's going to come out if I don't find a way to protect her! So please, please help me!"

He doesn't look fazed by my pleas. In fact, he seems more curious than anything.

"I'm assuming 'her' refers to Inoue-san." He pauses. "I understand why you would want to protect her, but your hollow?"

"He wants to protect her," I admit, and it makes sense. If he is an extension of me, the dark side of my soul, it would only be natural that the want to protect her affects him too. But he once said that he was also the instinctual part of me, which means it's not a want but rather a need to protect her.

His eyes narrow. "I don't think that's true."

And then I remember back when I was trying to learn Saigo no Getsuga Tenshō. "He said that the things that I want to protect are not the things that he wants to protect. He wanted, wants, to protect me. Then why…?"

His eyes light up in understanding, and he opens his fan in the way that he does sometimes when he's hiding something.

"What?"

He shakes his head. "It's not important." He snaps his fan shut. "What's really important is that we have another problem. If the next time Inoue-san is in mortal danger, there is a chance that you might hollowfy in your human body. Your human form will not be able to withstand it. Also, the reiatsu you will release due to the hollowfication is bound to have dire repercussions. To prevent this, your solution is to gain back your powers, but if you do, your spiritual pressure will produce similar results to what we want to avoid. Not to mention that if you become a Shinigami again, you will most likely be exiled from the human world." He taps his chin with his fan in thought. "What a paradox."

"Why…why do you sound so happy?"

"Happy? No. Inspired," he clarifies as he reaches out to grab his tea. "Stop kneeling, Kurosaki-san. Everything will be fine."

"How?" I growl out in indignation.

"You don't have to be the one to necessarily protect her. She can protect herself." A protest builds in my throat. "She can. Today was unusual, to say the least, but she is quite capable of caring for herself. If you still doubt her, I will train her to improve her skills, and I will also keep a better watch on things."

"That's not good enough!"

"It will have to be." He's becomes solemn. "You forget, Kurosaki-san, that I, too, want her safe." He looks at the closed room which harbors Inoue.

Inoue…her spiritual pressure is steady but not strong. She's still weak, but she will be okay. She's okay. She's alive.

I stand up and walk over to the room. "Can I…"

"Tessai is still working," he warns to prepare me for what I might see. "But she is recovering," he adds. I nod as I begin to slide the door open softly. "All will be well, Kurosaki-san."

I close the door behind me, shutting out his words.