July 15th 2023

Chapter 218
In The Palms of Our Hands

"How about… a charade?" Maya intoned, looking to Jackson as she held him. Her Jack-Jack… her baby boy, both her baby boys, would be a year old in all of a week, and it still just blew her mind. The fact that the twins were only months from becoming big brothers, that was like taking the pieces of her blown mind and pulverizing them down to dust, but here they were, and now they had come to the very exciting and very important part of deciding how they would unveil this news to their family.

"What?" Lucas looked back at her, not following. He was in the midst of getting Simon dressed, which as of late demanded too much focus for him to have heard or understood a single thing.

"No, not a charade, a… What am I thinking of?" Maya frowned to herself. Jackson responded to this by pressing his little hands at her face, one at her cheek and the other coming very close to poking at her eye until she redirected herself into letting him catch hold of her nose. "Do you know?" she asked him, but he just laughed. "Well, it was worth a shot," she sighed. "Your turn, you come up with something then," she turned to Lucas, who'd just scooped Simon up before he could get away again. He'd be thinking this was all a game by now, naturally, and his father would be too amused to ever correct him.

"Flood the whole place with little chicks," Lucas smirked. "Chirping balls of feathers all over the place."

"Don't even say that too close to one of them," Maya nodded her head out of the room. "You'll give them ideas, and I'm really not looking to turn this place into a… petting zoo," she looked back to Jackson and now got those curious little hands slipping around her neck until he was just about hugging her. "Oh, thank you, yes, I needed that," Maya grinned, hugging him back, kissing his rosy, squishy cheek several times over. It made him laugh and laugh, a rolling little giggle that could have fixed any and all ill in her. Couple it to one out of Simon, too, and nothing could have been wrong anywhere.

She did the best she could do with that spirit, and she brought it with her into work, into her class, and shared it with her students. Being with her Morning Makers, that was a great start to the day in and of itself, and they didn't disappoint here. It made her come this close to just sharing her secret, to telling them that she and Lucas were about to have another baby. But she held her tongue; they would all know soon enough. First, they had to tell their families, especially their sons. Ava couldn't hold the secret all to herself forever. She was just straining by now, wanting so badly to say something.

Then it was on to the Class Creatives, and that one did not get off to a great start like her first class had done. Everyone was coming along, taking their place, getting a look at what materials had been set out for them… and then Cade Foster walked in with a bloody nose, split lip, and bruised eye. He was breathing heavily, too, suggesting that whatever had happened to him, it had just happened.

"Hey… hey, hey…" Maya approached him at once, even as Joy Augustin came from her station.

"Who did that to you?" she asked, wide eyed. Cade didn't want to meet either of their eyes, and Maya wasn't even sure that he'd meant to come to her class so much as he'd been on his way here and he'd sort of kept going, on autopilot.

"Okay, we'll be back, just let her know we had to go, okay?" Maya told Joy, indicating the class across the hall before leading Cade away. "Look, I know you might not want to talk about any of this, and I'm not going to force you, but whether or not you talk to me, you have to talk to someone."

"They wouldn't understand," he mumbled.

"People could surprise you," Maya promised. "Right now, let's take care of your face." He said nothing after that, but Maya sensed an opening, further made, solidified. She wanted him to know that he could trust her, and she was about sure that he knew now.

X

Every day he had to go in and be with his father without telling him about the baby, Lucas was getting to feel like he had to stop outside the door, take a breath, check his joy so it wouldn't spill from his face and give him away, all before walking in. It wouldn't be much longer now, and that was a relief, no doubt. It wasn't even just about the stress of trying to maintain the surprise. He wanted to get to tell his father, to tell his mother, tell everyone who mattered to him, but them most of all… He could just see their faces when they'd know that they would be grandparents again, and once they knew that it was happening, he would be able to let his joy breathe, to not be compressed inside him…

And once they started telling people, then it would mean that they were one step closer to having their little chick with them. They would be able to start looking ahead to when he or she… She, this one definitely feels like a girl… They'd get to plan for when they'd have one more child in their family and in their house… They were doing alright, now more than ever, but not so well as to think that they wouldn't have to really put their heads together and consider what this seventh child would mean for how they saw to themselves and the six preceding this baby.

All his preparations before walking in turned out to be for nothing, as his father wasn't there yet when he headed in. There was a message about his having to meet with a client before he left town and how he would be joining him as soon as he was done. So, Lucas got to work on his own for a while, not too concerned if his face slipped into a smile and stayed there.

Finally, his father joined him, and they talked a while about this meeting he'd had, did the work that came of it, and if his smile seemed at all on the extra wide side, his father didn't say a thing about it.

When his phone rang, Lucas didn't think too much of it until he picked it up and was met with the voice of a woman he didn't know. Once he'd confirmed that he was who he was, she identified herself as being a nurse up at the hospital, and his immediate thought was that, somehow, they had gotten his number instead of Maya's and this was about an appointment for their chick. This thought was soon dispelled. Her tone was professional but also just sort of… uncomfortable. She was calling him in his capacity as Maya's emergency contact to let him know that she'd been brought in for treatment.

He must have made a noise, surprise, shock, everything all at once, enough to get his father's attention, and his face must have been pressed in by everything he couldn't say, as Thomas asked him what was going on. He had no words, and before he could try and find some, his father gently took the phone from his hand and spoke into it. He was actually able to haver a conversation, brief though it was, and he soon hung up the call and moved into action.

"Let's move," he nodded, and Lucas followed him; what else was he supposed to do.

"Did she say…" he asked.

"Wouldn't say what was wrong, just that they were seeing her now. Whatever this is, I'm sure she'll be fine."

"We… We're having a baby, Dad…" he heard himself say. What was the point of hiding it here, when it could explain… Did it explain? Thomas looked at him, and his face sank into understanding and a new purpose. They would get there as soon as they could.

The drive was all about one of them having a head full of confusion and the other being made of reason, and stability. Thomas called the school to see about what they might have to say. Clearly, whatever had happened had been enough so that they now knew about the pregnancy, too. They also informed Lucas – once Thomas put the call on speaker – that a student had gone to the hospital with her, not as a patient but because he'd refused to leave her, and Maya had insisted not to leave him behind either. The boy's father had been called and would be on his way to the hospital just as they were. Whatever was happening with Maya, the woman from the school assured him, they were all thinking about her and the baby.

Walking into the ER, they soon spotted a boy sitting nearby, and Lucas just saw him and knew this would be the one. He had a feeling he knew which one it was, too. The one whose mother was in prison… Cade… He looked like he'd had a bad morning, with some injuries to his face that had been patched up by now. Lucas wanted to go and talk to him, to find out all he could about what had happened with Maya, with the baby… with him, because Maya would want to know about this, too…

But his father had already tracked down someone and identified himself and Lucas as being here for Maya, and the doctor turned to him, wanting to confirm that he was the husband. Yes, yes, he was. The way the woman's face turned, bracing, he didn't need to hear a word, but they were spoken anyway. There'd been nothing to be done for it. The baby had been lost. And he hadn't even been there… All he could think about, standing there, was that he should have been with Maya, he should have been… Would it have changed anything? No. But he would have been with her, he would…

He was in shock, whether he had the means to understand it or not. Just now, it had its benefits: it made it so that all he could think about was the most important thing. He needed to get to Maya, to see her, to be with her. How she must have felt…

She was just sitting there, propped up on a bed, and if was in shock, he couldn't think of a word for what she was. She was looking at her hands, both of them laid lightly around her belly button, not unlike how his hand would rest while they slept, in contact with… with… Looking at her, it was clear that she did know what was going on, no doubt, no delusions, but something in her, all of it, was begging for the chance, slim though it would be, that they had been wrong, and that their chick was still in there, that somehow she would manifest herself, small as she still was. They were so sure, this one…

She lifted her eyes when they walked up. Her eyes found his, and the hope was gone. No chick, no nothing… and her face broke open in the second before he could wrap her in his arms. He sat with her, held her as she sobbed, and he cried with her. It was all that they could do, both of them. It didn't matter how early it had been, in the grand scheme of things, didn't matter that barely anyone had known. Now everyone would know, everyone would… know… and everywhere they'd look, all Maya and Lucas would see staring back at them was grief… pity… They weren't thinking about that right now, neither of them. It didn't matter that they'd never held this child, never seen their face, given them a name. In those few weeks of knowing they would come, there had been time enough to build up a space for them, to feel love already for them. What were they supposed to do with all that now, just throw it out? They could never…

There was very little said or done for a while. Cade wanted to see his teacher, and Maya wished she didn't have to just send him away, but she simply wasn't able to see him now. Lucas went to go and talk with him, with his father, with the promise that Maya would reach out as soon as she could. While Lucas was out there, she managed to speak about how he had been with her, Cade, in the nurse's office, when it had all started, that she'd been tending to his face because the nurse wasn't there… Thomas looked at her, and she only knew that she felt disconnected from the world, trying to process but failing at every turn. This couldn't be possible, none of it… none of it…

"You know, I've never forgotten that day, when Mel and I lost what was to be Lucas' younger sibling…" Thomas spoke, and Maya's attention turned to him, what part of it there was to turn. He looked back at her, let out a breath. "Came out of nowhere. I took it hard, felt like I'd let her down somehow, that I should have been able to stop it… And Mel, I just… She wanted a big family so badly, and then after…" He paused, looked at her, and she could see him stop and think that maybe he shouldn't have brought all this up with her in that moment, but she reached out for his hand, and he took hers. She knew what he was trying to say, and she did very much appreciate that he was trying. For the minutes until Lucas returned, they stayed this way, and her heart felt supported in its weight enough that it didn't crush her completely.

He had made a few calls after talking with Cade and his father. The kids were still at school, and just now that was probably the best place for them. He would go and get them when it was time. He had called his mother, and he had called her parents.

"Did you tell them?" Maya asked. Lucas bowed his head.

"I didn't know how," he admitted. "I told them you were here, but… I didn't know what else to say. I couldn't tell them all of it over the phone, it didn't feel right."

"Good call," Thomas promised his son, and Lucas hung on to this with both hands. He didn't have much else to cling to in that moment, so he'd take it.

While they waited for the other parents to come along, Thomas asked his son and daughter-in-law to catch him up on the last few weeks, the parts they hadn't shared. It caught them off guard at first, for him to ask, but honestly the silence felt worse, and as they started to share their story, it lifted their spirits. It barely hovered them off the ground, but it was a relief anyhow. It pressed on to them a desire and a need to cling to these memories, not to let their little chick fade into unimportance, and they would hold to that, as they would hold to her, and what she'd brought them in the time they had expected her.

They had many steps still to take before they'd get there, and in the meantime the wound in their hearts was fresh still when more of their parents joined them. Melinda Friar came first, joining her husband, seeing her son sitting by his wife's side, as she seemed, at first, to be doing alright. It made Lucas regret that he hadn't actually told her everything on the phone. Instead, he got to see the news hit her and rebound, as she learned of the future grandchild that had been lost. Now, she turned to Maya, and she saw the expression on her face for what it was, and her demeanor flipped at once. Whatever Maya needed, whatever any of them needed, Melinda would procure it for them, they only had to ask. The moment they would do that and she went, Lucas was sure, she would need a moment to stop somewhere, to let the flood come in and wash out again, but so long as she was with them, she would be strength personified, put in service of them in this time where they needed her.

When Katy and Shawn came along, sped on by concerns for their eldest, they never actually had to be told a single thing. Katy looked at her firstborn, her baby girl, and she saw it all, nothing hidden, nothing held back. She stepped up at once and Lucas instantly stood and stepped away, surrendering his space to her, so she might sit with Maya and hold her. She had lost something so precious that day, and in all her hurt, having her mother there… She'd been so sure that she'd cried herself out before, but a new well presented itself to her, and she fell right into it. Behind them, Lucas locked eyes with his father-in-law. It wasn't so long ago that Shawn and Katy had come so close to losing their baby boy. They hadn't, thankfully, but the brush with loss had left enough of a mark that now, for him to know that his daughter and her husband had gone through it… He felt as powerless as the rest of them, and Lucas understood.

Maya would get to go home soon enough, a lot sooner than it felt possible that she should, somehow. And before that happened, they knew, they had to figure out what they would say to the kids. This would not go unnoticed with them, it just couldn't, but what were they supposed to say? The boys, each in their innocence, might understand, or they might not. And Ava… Ava knew… There were no blueprints for a shared bedroom yet, but if she'd been given the chance… If… They all offered to go with him, his parents, her parents… But he needed to do this on his own.

When he went and picked them up, first Jamie, and then Noah, and Elliott, it felt like stepping into another world, a world where nothing terrible had happened that day, and for a little while it felt good, being there. He could almost pretend that this was still where he belonged, where they all belonged. Nothing bad had happened, their little chick was still thriving, and soon everyone would know about her… Everyone would know about her soon, that much was sure, but the thing they'd know wouldn't be what they'd hoped for it to be.

Jamie had been as chatty as ever on the ride from preschool to the elementary school, and that only went on once they had his brothers and his sister, too, even as they all added their voices to the telling and their stories along with them. They carried on, all the way home, and Lucas listened to every word, tried to, at least. There were points where his mind drifted, it couldn't be helped, but he always came back, and he went on listening to them.

When they arrived at the house, they wondered where their mother was, and their baby brothers. That part at least was easy. They were with Abigail and Stephen. And as to their mother… All he could make himself tell them was that she was running late. They didn't see anything wrong with this, and so they went off to play, like it was any other day, and they were waiting on dinner. He would have to tell them… As soon as he knew what to tell them, he'd have to say it…

"Dad? What's going on?" He turned to find Ava staring back at him. "You're acting weird, you're… lying," she frowned. "Where's Mama?" He let out a breath, took a step toward her. She stepped back. "Where is she?" Ava asked, braced like she knew that he was about to hurt her, unintentionally though he would.

"At the hospital, in the emergency room," he revealed, looking around to make sure the boys weren't nearby. "Ava… Something happened this morning, while your mother was at school, she…" The words failed him here, brand new and completely terrifying for it. This is just the truth, you need to say it. "She lost the baby."

Ava blinked, once, twice… She shook her head. This couldn't be right. As far as he was concerned, Lucas felt the same, and yet here they were. But for Ava… She was given this information, and her reaction affirmed itself very quickly.

"I did this…" she breathed. Lucas shook his head, approached her at once, but she shook her head and stepped away again, growing frantic. "This… this is my fault, b-because… because I scared her, on Halloween. I gave her… a big shock, and she…"

"Ava, this wasn't you, okay? It wasn't anyone, it…" He sighed, shook his head, as he pulled her into a hug. "I need you to hear me on this, okay? You didn't do this to her, this isn't your fault. Right now, I'm going to have to explain what's going on to your brothers. I have no idea how I'm going to do that, and it's not your responsibility to figure it out for me, but I need you there with us anyway. Do you think you're able to come along, or do you need a few minutes?"

He looked at her, held her gaze, so she would know, so she would remember that everything he told her was true. He brushed tears from her face, and rubbed at her eyes even as he did so. Finally, she gave a shaky nod. Of course, she would go with him when he would speak to the boys. She wouldn't have any more ideas than he did about what he could say to them, but she would be there, and as impossible as it could seem to her, it would help him. After that, they would have to look to when Maya would come home. When she did, she would be the one who would need them, and there was no doubt in any of their minds that they could and they would do absolutely everything for her that they could do.

TO BE CONTINUED

See you tomorrow! - mooners