"Get out," I said firmly.

"What?"

"I said," I swallowed the pool underneath my tongue and I felt it slightly choke me as it passed through my dry throat. "Get out."

"'Get out'?"

"You heard me."

"After I told you I appreciate what you're doing…" Her voice had grown weak to a mutter the more she said those words, and that was good.

Keeping her at arm's length is good. Close enough to make sure she doesn't do anything reckless,

"I'll send your stuff to Mitras, if that's what you're worried about."

but far enough so she doesn't get to know me any more than she does now.

"I was worried—"

"I know, I said I'm fine so get the hell outta my office."

"This isn't you. Don't do this to me."

While spending the rest of my life running away from what I truly wanted.

"Would you rather I kick you out so you could take the hint?"

"Wha—"

"Don't slobber. I hate cleaning after others."

Her eyes were wide and vacant, completely devoid of light.

A pang of cold guilt crawled from my chest, freezing my feet on the floor. Completely sober, I watched every frame where Phoebe slowly resented me.

"Ha," She scoffed, treading her fingers through her hair, her eyes darted in all directions just so the tears wouldn't fall. "So that's how it is," She chuckled humorlessly, "I can't believe I agonized over someone like you."

I did not take my eyes off of her. I have to watch how I betrayed the one woman who did nothing but trust me wholeheartedly. It had to be done.

Watch how her pain turned to anger.

"One day, you're gonna need me, and pray that I'm still here."

And how her anger turned to cold, permanent silence with the thuds of her heels.

Levi Ackerman

I feeeeeel like absolute shit.

Why does nobody have any ounce of intelligence– not even a strand, to shoot their piss bullseye where the fucking hole is? They're good aiming their blades and somehow, thisisa problem with these soldiers. I tell them to lick it until the toilet is clean but but thisonestain–

"Captain!"

"Huh?"

Jean-boy here suddenly appeared behind and stood there, gawking like it's the first time he saw me cleaning the damned toilet. "What is it?"

"Uh, i-it's just…"

"Speakclearly, Jean-boy."

"Historia is coming forthevisit."

"Now?" I put the damn scrub down and took off my gloves. "This was supposed to be in three days."

"I-I don't know sir, Commander Erwin just wanted to pass along the message. He says he wants you at his office when Historia arrives."

And there I went, to Erwin's office.

"Ah, Levi."

With an apron around my neck and unholy stains from the toilet I just cleaned.

"Just in time. Please, join us."

Every footstep my boots made against the wooden floors was another inch of Phoebe's in my periphery. No, I did not look at herdirectly, nor did shebut I could see the green army coat, quite snug on the waist; her hair wasn't in a messy, oily, incomprehensible bun; rather, in a loose tie-up, her hair resting over her shoulders. It had gotten quite long.

I put my palm against my chest and bowed a little to greet the queen.

And when my eyes were raised, I met the cold, apathetic face of the Queen's advisor.

"We decided to hasten the visits so we could also start the experiments with Ymir and Eren as soon as we can. Historia wanted to help."

"Help? Sure. Let the Queen go back to Mitras so we can have one less thing to worry about. We cannot ensure your safety."

"It's been decided." Phoebe butted in. "The visit is just the cover for helping you have a chance against… probably, three titans. We will extend some assistance– the gears, any explosives that you need…"

"Hange got that covered. We don't needyourhelp. Go back."

"I'm not asking you, Captain. I'mcommandingyou."

Her tone. Clipped. Cold. Steely. Devoid of any emotions or bursts of the heart. It was the opposite of the Phoebe I knew who would get swayed by what emotions she feels at the moment, which I have no idea how to approach, yet alone, to respond to.

But this tone was something I was familiar with, authority. I should know what to do, but somehow, coming from her, I didn't know what to say.

"Captain Levi, this visit will happen whether you like it or not."

I wanted to say something to make her understand she is lucky to get out of the Survey Corps before this one particular operation but…

"Suit yourself."

…this bratneverlistens. Who cares if she dies? A lot of people die everyday– what makes her special? I gave her warning after warning after warning and I amdonecovering for her. I cannot be responsible– I cannot protect someone who wants to throw their life away. If she wants to die out there, so be it. If we need a bait, I'll serve her to the titans myself.

"Since you're so good at staying alive."

I had to leave before I give her something to think about.

The way to Area 3 was an easy uphill climb. After the short hike was a slope to the plain below, with a narrow cave that used to be a tunnel for mines in the side. Now, it's just an empty, dusty, practice site, one that not many cadets or privates know existed.

"So Phoebe," Jean-boy hovered around her like a fly, "what is it like, living in Mitras?"

"Well, it's uh… more comfortable." She sounded impassive. Uninterested. Who cares, really? She can answer for herself if she's so smart.

"I thought it's a breeze for you, considering you've gained some weight. At least the gear's gonna have more speed for you."

"Mm-hmm." She muttered, looking down at her body, to her… well, behind. Jean's eyes followed along. "I suppose I did. But work's pretty tiring—"

"So are you telling us that it is tiring to serve your Queen?" I butted in, drawing half of my blade. Jean's reflection flickered elsewhere after mentally giving Phoebe's body an up and down lick. I was happy getting distracted from the fact that we live in a cage of limited food supplies, titans making us their chew toys outside, or the fact that most of the soldiers will probably not make it out from this damn operation alive.

I was happy stuck, cleaning that damn, stubborn stain until I am having a very shitty,shittyday.

"You sure have some nerves saying that in front of Historia."

"You didn't even address the Queen properly, and you have the nerve to ask someone stupid questions?" Her tone matched the high arch of her eyebrows.

"I never ask stupid questions, you just have a nonsensical response."

She scoffed, "If a person is so smart, then he would know when to tolerate responses he found nonsensical." and lightly shook her head. "To keep the peace."

"Or maybe, someone should not tolerate it, especially when the person they are talking about is the only royal blood living in this shithole we call 'home'."

"Since when did you give a damn about the Queen's blood ancestry?" And there it is, the Phoebe I know. Her pitch got a bit high which meant she was irritated; her head shot to my direction, her eyebrow arched, her face looked like her stomach hurt. "Or about anyone in the first place?"

Phoebe's face froze, still wearing that same vexed look I am familiar with. She looked like she was about to cry, only to look away and wipe all traces of the emotional Phoebe I know.

"Just put on your damn coat." I casted a swift glance at Jean before looking back at Phoebe. She seemed to get what I was talking about now and somehow her expression softened. Pouted. Cute. She put on her coat and we began to walk down Area 3.

"Actually," She cleared her throat, "I won't stay here for long." She caught up to Erwin, walking beside Historia, me, behind my superiors.

"I have something to work on; Marlowe will take over while I'm out."

"I see. Levi will see you out."

"No need, I'll take a horse though."

"Take mine," Erwin offered. "She's the white one."

"Thanks." Phoebe smiled. "I know she's the white one. I remember her from the stables."

What now? Did she just saystables?

"Oh, you were laughing then about something…" Erwin's expression began to soften up; like the way when he attends balls and charity parties of the rich to get sponsorships.

"Yeah, it was that morning, you wanted some alone time… remember?"

"Wait… you knew commander Erwin even before?" Historia gasped. "How come I didn't know about this?"

"No one asked… I guess? There wasn't any opportunity to bring it up." She replied to Historia.

"That explains why you guys are quite close…"

"No—" She tucked some loose hair behind her ear. Her hands became animated. Anxious or threatened, I couldn't tell. "We weren't closeclose,but you could say we are um..."

"We are like-minded." Erwin caught on, lightly patting her at the back. At themiddleof her back. "We have the same interests. Same hunger for knowledge. She just so happens that she has more time to learn about things and I happen to love learning from others…"

"Erwin, stop it…" Shegiggled.

"She rouses that hunger. She satisfies the part of me that most people don't."

"Erwin, phrase it better or people will get the wrong idea." I butted in. "Jean-boy's blushing behind."

"Well–" He began to fix that fringe that got out from his normally tidy side-part. "Phoebe and I only became more than colleagues—"

"It'snotgetting better."

"-when we had appointments and meetings together with theothers— Levi, it's only bad if you think that way."

I glanced at Phoebe. She seemed uncomfortable. After a few seconds of awkward silence while hiking Phoebe spoke while looking at the training ground.

"I'll fetch the Queen by afternoon. I see Marlowe's already here."

Erwin graciously smiled back. "Sure, do that, Febe."

"Your Majesty," Historia wrinkled her nose.

"Please don't call me that."

"Whatever— Marlowe's a lot stricter than me. He's basically a mother andplease, listen to him. I know you can handle yourself, but—"

"I know." Historia chipped in, "I'll think about the people who depend on me. I am their Queen, and them, my subjects."

Phoebe smiled with this satisfaction as she fastened her coat before walking back to the horses, the gallops bounced in rhythm with my gear.

Phoebe Johnson

Mid afternoons on the grounds of the Training Corps when you were still a cadet used to mean thefragranceof Shadis' breath, dread, unwanted tan lines, sunburns, and alotof exercising. It used to be the source of your stress and odd enough, the cure itself.

Now, looking at it— where a hundred of Garrison soldiers were training to get back in shape, preparing for the fast pull of their newly calibrated gears… you couldn't help but swell with hope.

A hundred is a small amount compared to the damage that the beast titan could do, but maybe,justmaybe, after weeks of coming up with the right plan with Erwin and Pyxis, you could actually have a chance.

You laid the plan over the Garrison's squad leaders. Your palms hit the table, scribbles of the tactic smudging your hands.

The plan:

Adopt Erwin's Long Distance Range Formation, encircling both ends outside wall Maria;

Right troop to fix the canons and to breach Shiganshina's walls and provide a way out for the soldiers and horses because shitwillgo down;

Left troop to provide gas and relief to Armin and Hange's squad.

Lure the smaller titans away from the battlefield, and quickly retreat to Karanes and Chlorba.

"Any questions?" You solicited.

"And you? Where will you be?" Asked a veteran soldier.

"I'll the Scouts." You replied.

"You?" He replied. "You're the Queen's advisor. Do you actually know how to fight? Give that mission to someone with more experience!"

"There, there, Rasheed, stop stressing the young lady." Pyxis heard the conversation, and chimed in.

"Not young." You said flatly.

"At heart."

"But Commander—"

"She is not an overnight advisor, Rasheed. That I can tell you." Pyxis winked. You nodded to acknowledge saving your time.

You double checked your gear, a long time since you used one. Thunder spears attached on both of your forearms, your wrist just patched tightly with bandages; your thighs kissing the scabbard for the blades. The ironworks clung like an announcement that this time, people from Paradis will actually fight back.

"We will proceed a week from now." You looked at the sunset and measured the time with your fingers. About time to get Historia. "I think you had enough for today. Go take your rest. Thank you everyone." And the soldiers faded by the minutes, some hitting the showers, others, collapsing at the doorway of their temporary barracks.

"Missy," Pyxis then approached you, suddenly, the sound of crows were calming to your nerves. "Are you sure, you will join the Scouts? You have a chance of a good life protected inside Mitras, why would you throw that away?"

It was a few seconds before you answered.

"I don't know, Pyxis." You stared at the old figure whose eyes resembled not of a soldier, but a father. "I don't know."

You knew how this would end for most of the soldiers. You knew how this would end for Erwin... and this was your best attempt in preventing it- you promised yourself you would... until the price of what you wish for was staring at you in the face.

"Phoebe!" Nanaba approached you with a smile. Her belly, swollen with Miche's child. Suddenly, your sweat got cold. Uncomfortable.

"Have you seen Miche? I couldn't see him anywhere... oh, are you in the middle of a conversation right now? I'm sorry..."

"Nanaba, your belly have gotten big!"

"Yeah... I'm almost due..."

"... boy?"

"...know yet..."

"Ointment. The food supply had gotten quite better lately..."

Today was long, busy but routinary. You shouldn't feel like this, there was not reason to feel this uneasy but there's this hunch in your gut, while you look at distance; the helpless goat wailing for rescue as the soldiers took his front and hindlegs; slash its neck and let the blood run like faucet in a bowl. The scene made you lightheaded.

Maybe this was stress?

"Phoebe?"

The goat convulsed until it gave its final, strong kick.

"Yeah?"

"I was asking about Miche. I got him some ointment. "

"Oh. What part did you say it hurt for him again?"

"The legs."