"Ha," She scoffed, treading her fingers through her hair, her eyes darted in all directions just so the tears wouldn't fall. "So that's how it is," She chuckled humorlessly, "I can't believe I agonized over someone like you."
I did not take my eyes off of her. I have to watch how I betrayed the one woman who did nothing but trust me wholeheartedly. It had to be done.
Watch how her pain turned to anger.
"One day, you're gonna need me, and pray that I'm still here."
And how her anger turned to cold, permanent silence with the thuds of her heels.
LEVI ACKERMAN
There are two common rituals among men in the Scouts before they go on an expedition. One, if he has a family, he would go home and spend his two leisure days with them.
The second, is for an unattached, unwed soldier to sit on the side of a bed, watching the bare hips of a woman imitate a smooth, wave-like motion as her mouth eagerly sucks his hard, impatient cock.
It's not hard to guess which one I am.
I sat on the bed, leaning my back against the scratched headboard. The bed post had friction marks on it, telling me the culprit must be those ropes loosely tied around each pillar for easy access. I imagined myself tying Phoebe once or twice on these bedposts, her messy, dark hair sticking all over her sweaty skin. In my fantasies, her spaced-out, thoughtful expression would be replaced with carnal submission as she pleads that I allow her to touch me.
I could feel the tension building on my hips.
I glanced at the woman between my thighs, finding my hand stroking her dark, messy hair. She went back and forth on my length, her hair was the only semblance she has with the woman who has been increasingly plaguing my mind.
But she's good—too goodthat it distracted me from my thoughts. I watched her swirl her tongue around the head before teasing the hole with the tip of her tongue. My breathing was becoming labored and shaky, throwing my head back, trying to calm down or I might embarrass myself. She was taking too long— too much cinematics and I refuse to wait any longer, so I grabbed a fistful of her hair and gently eased her to it.
The warmth of her soft, pliable mouth felt incredible against my hardened cock.
"That's right," I muttered, closing my eyes to intensify the sensation of her tight throat colliding against the head; feeling her close and open for me; her tame movements started to feel slower, more probing against the smooth texture of my shaft.
I could hear her gag, but she recovered quickly. Good. She wrapped a hand around my erection, using her warm, coagulating slobber as lubricant for her slow, gripping strokes.
"Like this?" She had a second to ask.
She teased the head, her tongue coiled and traced circles before sucking it with her plump, vacuum-like lips. By then, she must've been encouraged at the beads of precum oozing from the tip.
I let her do what she wanted, she knew what she was doing, and I let her distract me with pleasure, intoxicate my senses with her expertise because it's no use thinking what might happen tomorrow.
My only consolation was Phoebe is safe inside Sina's walls.
I could feel myself tense, the memory of her smile started to haze and blur in my head. She wasn't surrounded by a wide, pretty fields of flowers as she sat beside me on the tomb of our fallen comrades— she was now the dark-haired woman greedily sucking the life out of my body.
And that's when the delicious, electrifying spasm made my cock twitch inside her mouth.
"Lie down," She whispered, her thick accent brought me back to where I actually was, and who I'm actually with. The woman removed all articles of clothing, entirely exposing herself to me; the consolation of such distraction was the soft feel of her shapely breasts, spreading warmth all over my thighs.
"Relax," She cooed, as I felt her feather-like kisses on my thighs, making her way back to where the pleasure had accumulated. I closed my eyes again, trying to get into it, wanting to go back inside my head.
"I don't want you to go off too fast." The woman spoke. I wish she stopped talking so I could actually relax.
I miss her.
I peeked at whatever the woman was doing, trying her best to suck the release she worked so hard before she told me to lay down and relax.Pfft.Look at her, now having a hard time getting it back, her jaw was probably hurting, her pride crushed seeing me getting softer by the minute.
I couldn't help but chuckle at her desperation as she put all her best efforts.
"Come here," I muttered, grabbing her by the arm, putting her on top, as I preoccupied myself with her body.
I'd like to imagine that Phoebe and her are built the same.
Her body was slender, almost bony but with hints of soft femininity. Her modest, yet shapely breasts were soft to touch and they fit right into the palm of my hands as I cupped them and fondled them.
I brought her closer to me, gently squeezing each one, sucking and flicking her nipples with my tongue until they grew taut and sensitive that she was grinding her hips on my stomach, seemingly forgetting that I was the one who paid.
This woman's skin was pale— almost shimmery against the glow of the candlelight. I let my fingertips trace where Phoebe's scars should be; entwining her hand with me, tracing the scars of burns and stitches along her arms; two, finger-length scars on her stomach which I could tell she got long before she came here.
But the woman, for some reason, exaggerated her moans.
I didn't pay her to be rooster with an accent, for fuck's sakes.
"Tch, could you be quiet?" I asked, flipping the woman on the other side of the bed, now lying on her stomach, I propped her hips up, leading my now aching, pulsating member to her twitching, glistening entrance before plunging every inch inside.
"Sorry— ah!" She yelped, stabilizing herself against the force of my thrust, though I tightly held her hips allowing her to maintain her balance.
I paused and let her get used to me. Exploring the woman's features from the back noting how physically similar she was with Phoebe.
Her hair. That messy, dark hair clumsily secured in a loose bun. It was tempting to kiss and inhale a whiff, but I know it wouldn't smell like her. If anything, the woman's hair would smell like heavy perfume and cigarettes.
The woman reached for my face for a kiss, but I thrusted much deeper, pushing her out of balance despite being on her elbows and knees. I had to bite my lip or else I'll groan; feeling the dead end of her walls, the velvety texture of wet pussy was becoming too much I know I'm about to withdraw my first back shot.
Her moans were getting louder, their voices too different I couldn't help but be disappointed. Tch, such a waste of fantasy. Phoebe's voice is deep, like the bitter coffee she loves to drink; a rich, lower tone that gets high only when she's agitated or excited. This lady's was high— sickeningly high it sounded too unnatural.
"Lower," I breathed, stopping midway.
"What?" She turned a bit to hear me better.
"Your moans, make them lower."
She stopped being cooperative altogether.
"Darling," She purred, laughing as she turned her head to give me a condescending look . As soon as I saw a face that I didn't see in my head, all of that fantasy and pleasure built up, gone. Poof. Just like that. What a voice, such a cockblock.
"I can't control that." She said in her thick, strange accent. "If you want someone else..."
"Well," I withdrew from inside her, and started crawling out of the bed to put on my clothes. What the hell am I thinking? I'm disgusting— thinking of another person while using someone else's body to get by just another night, what kind of low have I sank into?
I chuckled, feeling the humiliation wash over the residue of lust in my system.
I fished some bills and quickly handed them over to the woman who was still on the bed, seemingly stunned at how quickly this one turned.
From the dim-lit district of Klorva, I found myself in front of Sina's gate.
It was so different from the dusty, unpaved roads of Wall Rose. The fortress was well-kept and guarded; the ground was not the usual, dusty plain; it was flattened and bricked so thehighnessesdon't feel the shake of the carts, as their beautiful, coddled horses mightily trodded off deeper to the central city.
The Queen's crest waved on top of the watchtower, the same crest Phoebe was wearing now. The same crest I forced her into, just to make sure she's safe.
"She belongs here, Levi." I caught myself whispering against the cold breeze of the night. This is right, she will be safe here. She can do whatever she likes and make whatever she wanted. She can be comfortable here. She can plan for a future, build a family and have children of her own.
Or she can even be a spinster, which I think would be more likely. I could feel my lips tense to a smile at the thought of her living alone, on that little hut she maintains by the hills.
I can't say I'm absolutely happy if any of these things happen without me. And the walls know how much I'm trying to convince myself that I feel contented of how things have turned out for us. It's been weeks, and I know, I'm being selfish— to push her away again and again and stand here, wishing she'd see me, before I might never see her again.
Even for a moment, I want her all to myself.
"What am I doing, really?" I chuckled, finding humor on my stupidity and feebleness. I should head back; this is not productive, this achieves nothing. I should be trying to sleep and reserve my strength for later.
I tightened the reins to pull my horse back, taking the longer route, hoping to feel exhausted by the time I reach the barracks.
PHOEBE JOHNSON
It was still dark outside when the Supply and Support Unit, comprising both of Pyxis' south gate Garrison soldiers and Miche's squad— sans Armin and Mikasa, were dispatched outside wall Maria.
Taking advantage of titans' inability to move during nighttime, You, the Garrison and the rest of Miche's squad travelled by horse, knowing well that in time, you would catch up to the rest of the Scouts a few hours after the retrieval operations started.
And since the talk with Erwin, you have not seen a hint of Levi's whereabouts.
Your teeth chattered at the whips of cold night air, slapping your senses awake. Your old Scout uniform and the green cape it came with were not enough to shelter you from the low temperatures. To ignore how anxious you were becoming, or how cold you've gotten, you forced your mind to go over the countermeasure Erwin and Pyxis came up with.
In detail, you were divided into two groups upon arrival to Maria-Shiganshina. The first mission is to facilitate an escape route for the Scouts to have a higher survival rate.
Erwin was spot on the moment he knew who they were going against, how many they were, and what exactly do they do. You could only deduce that Levi relayed information to Erwin, most probably those coming from you. Thinking about it last night as you searched for him on the stables and streets of Trost, the puzzle of Levi's actions started to form a picture.
Oh how you wished you've realized it sooner.
You clutched the reins, eager to see him on the battlefield, even if it was the last time that you might.
"We're near!" A Garrison soldier cried out, the sight of Shiganshina walls started to stand taller, the closer you approached.
And it was quiet, until Erwin's voice boomed at the top of the walls, screaming thunderous instructions among the Scouts.
"GUARD YOUR HORSES WITH YOUR LIVES!"
You smirked. That. That was the feint you were all waiting, and you just arrived on time.
The soldiers should scatter the horses by now, letting them run free on the field after taking off all the supplies hanging by their ribs.
"HEAR THAT?! GUARD THE HORSES!"
Erwin theorized that they will take advantage of the walls to entrap, deplete and finally take Eren and Ymir from the Survey Corps. It was a war of attrition, thus, an escape route is crucial for the success of the operation.
The Beast titan could control the other titans.Erwin thought, ever since you and Miche had an encounter with it in Ragako.
"So that implies that those titans will not move until they're given orders." Erwin reasoned, looking down on the map, his lips softly touching his index finger as he spoke.
"And what if the beast gave the instruction?" Pyxis probed, while both of you watched him think.
"By then, we expect Phoebe's unit to arrive, while the horses brought them enough time to supply us with gas and reinforcements... which means me to ask," Erwin trailed off glancing at you with such curiosity, yet his thinking stance was now undone.
"Are you going to come back to Shiganshina after your mission in Karanese?"
The rhythmic gallops of the horses brought you back to the tall wall in the corner of Shiganshina. And for a second, you became distracted by the dim hints of sunlight reflecting on the lime-like walls.
Looking at the horizon from where you rode, the sky started to change from utter darkness, to deep violets and orange skies.
"Sun's starting to rise people— move faster!" You heard someone shout. "We should be pulling the wagons up by now!"
"Yes sir!" Said the soldiers who heard their captain's orders.
You and some of the soldiers quickly began attaching ropes to the wagons then connecting it to your waist, before scaling the walls through your gears.
"Jean," You called, briefly looking down at the soldiers and the uncooperative horses. "Look, they're having a hard time lifting up the horses."
Jean followed where you stared. "There's no lift. They have to make do with the nets."
You bit your lip; Jean was right. Considering that Shiganshina is a satellite city— a bait meant to contain a titan attack and toprotect the inner walls, it also meant thatthere was no lift for reinforcements and rescues.
"We also need horses for the decoys when we go back to Karanase and Klorva, Phoebe." He reasoned, rejecting your proposal. "If the titans catch every last one of their horses, the wagon and our horses are their last hope. We need every single one we can have inside Shiganshina, and we have to protect them at all cost."
"Of course," You nodded, noting how passionate and serious Jean had gotten.
Reaching the top, you and the other Garrison members, slowly and cautiously pull up the wagon with your hands. After all, your cargo were pressurized cylinders. Sensitive. One drop and trails of explosion might occur, signaling your presence and whereabouts to the enemy, as well as failure to provide reinforcements to the Scouts.
"Pull! Up! Pull! Up!" The soldier sang a rhythmic chant as you simultaneously heave the wagons of pressurized gas tanks by the beat of the chant. Your hands trembled. The burns on your palms from Trost breach was reacquainted with friction, making you wince.
Jean glanced at your hands, worried. "You don't have to, we can manage."
"I can do it," You replied flatly, not even looking up to meet Jean's worried expression. "We have to move quickly before sunrise."
An amused smirk graced Jean's lips. "Damn," He cursed under his breath, but loud enough to hear him. "What it is about you women on the ranks? At least make us feel like men who can protect you, you know?"
"How did you think I survived all these time?" You replied, almost laughing at his assumption, obviously amused at the sand-haired boy's remark. He stared at you with a quizzical expression, before admitting that he didn't know the answer and asked.
"How?"
"Protected by a man." You answered, knowing Jean had no clue what had been going on in your life behind the scenes.
Jean's hands stopped moving, pausing for a second, processing what you just said.
"Huh?"
"Move!" Miche loudly instructed, startling the courage out of you, making both of you move faster than anybody from the line of soldiers.
When the wagons reached the top, it was another labor to safely drop it inside wall Maria— a more tedious strain on the body than its pulling counterpart.
Some Scouts started to spot you at the top of the wall; your silhouette started to show as the sun rose higher. Some surprised, some relieved, but everybody was slowly taking notice.
"Those are Garrison sol— what are they doing here?"
"Eh? Are they going to work with us?!"
"Nice! We have reinforcements!"
"The titans are starting to approach Sir!" Zach, one of the young, fresh recruits from the Garrison reported—
"These..." Miche sniffed the air, "Seven three-meter titans are approaching from outside Shiganshina— ABANDON THE HORSES!" He sprinted near the edge of the wall, looking down concerned at the soldiers struggling to secure the remaining horses below.
"Hey!" One of the Garrison leaders called out, briskly walking towards Miche, "We need those horses! We can't evacuate casualties to Karanese and Klorva without them!"
"And your people are about to get eaten!" Miche rebutted, the aggressive call-out was turning to an altercation.
"We can make a diversion, Miche." You interjected, putting your body between the two towering men. "Sasha and the others can gather the horses up here, while You and I—" You talked while catching your breath, "And Jean we can distract those titans. The rest can pull up the horses, see that the ropes don't break. We will buy you some... time..."
"What is she doing here?" A voice so familiar stood out from the noises and chaos around.
You turned around, looking for the source of the disembodied voice you knew belonged to the only man you love. There he was, already at Erwin's throat while he demanded answers from his commander.
"What is she doing here,Erwin?" Levi growled, anger and impatience flared in each syllable he spoke. He almost pulled his bolo tie and strangled him with it but restrained himself last minute from doing so.
The soldiers around you began noticing the scene; the Humanity's Strongest seemingly at odds against the greatest Commander the Survey Corps has ever seen.
"We had a deal," Levi seethed. He couldn't hide the anger in his eyes, despite holding himself well when he spoke with his commander. "I held mine— Itrustedyou."
Erwin said nothing but held his ground. He stood there formidable and dignified, only watching his normally collected soldier crumble because of you.
From a distance, you could pick up the panicked neighs of the horses being chased by titans inside wall Maria, signaling that the humanoids already received an order from the Beast. The thunderous, unrhythmic gallops of hundreds of horses quicken your heartbeat, making you aware how little time you have left, and that you have not done what you promise yourself you'll do.
Levi stood meters away; his wide, rage-filled eyes demanded answers from the superior he also considered a close friend.
"You didn't lose the ability to speak when you lost your arm— say something!" He snapped uncharacteristically, landing a fist on Erwin's jaw, making the commander lose his footing.
"I wanted to come!"You hurried to Erwin, putting yourself on his defense. You were suddenly aware of how quiet the soldiers had gotten, everybody became distracted at the unfolding of the scene.
You watched Jean and the rest of Levi's squad— Petra and Oluo pacify the rest of the soldiers, yelling orders to them.
"Phoebe," You heard Miche call out, turning your head towards his direction. "Settle this quickly." He mouthed. You nodded in response, grateful and embarrassed at how accommodating Miche was.
You turned your attention back to the argument, helping Erwin up before speaking to the devastated Levi before you.
"I wanted to come."
Levi's eyebrows furrowed even deeper; not understanding why would you want to come to this dangerous battlefield when you should be perfectly happy, safe and contented, sheltered besides a pretty queen in the most affluent part of town. It saddened you that never once in his spare time could he indulge the thought that someone was willing to endure hell with him, like how he does it for you.
Levi is worthy of being loved, in a way he understood.
"I wanted to see you."
You waited for his response, fully expecting him to still be angry and defiant. Instead, Levi's expression begged for an answer he has yet to ask, his once angry expression was replaced by confusion.
"Because I miss you so much."
"Phoebe, we need to go!" You heard Miche's call a few meters away. You briefly glanced at the Miche, finding the tallest captain and his newly instated squad waiting for you.
"A second, Miche!" You begged.
And that's when you closed the gap, pulling Levi by his collar for a quick and clumsy kiss.
It wasn't deep or sloppy or erotic, you knew you had no time for that, and in an very untimely setting too, but...
"And I love you, Levi."
He needed to know, for the first and possibly, the last time.