KK: I like your analogy. They won't be able to build anything without trust. Both of them have so little for the other. You're right on the steps they need to take to be together. As for Gabriel (look down)

Chapter Five: When Keeping it Real Goes Wrong

There was a great turnout for the communal meal in the Safe Zone. They were celebrating the end of Rick, Daryl, Tara, Glenn, and Maggie's probationary status. They were officially Alexandrians. It surprised Rick's former companions how easily he'd settled into his role of not being the leader. He did. He had no interest in leading Alexandria, but he didn't necessarily step down as a leader. If they looked closer they would see that the Rhees, Daryl, and Tara only needed a signal to take the Safe Zone or kill everyone there. This role was now second nature; he had no plans to have anyone dictate life for him. Rick was sitting with Michonne and Carl. Their group was lightly intermingled with other Alexandrians, but not enough for Rick to acknowledge their presence. Rick stared at his former companions: Sasha, Carol, Abraham, Rosita, Eugene, Noah, and Tyrese. The last they'd seen each other hadn't really been on the best terms. Unfortunately, seeing them didn't stir many feelings within him. He spent his thoughts on his immediate family when he was out there. He occasionally thought of the group as a whole, but he never missed them. It was good to see them alive; it meant that he didn't fail them as their leader, but he didn't personally care either.

Michonne looked at Rick and wondered what was on his mind. He was looking at their group, but she couldn't read him. His thoughts and emotions were a mystery to her. Judith patted his shoulder and sang his name. "Daaaaady, daaaaaaady, daaaaaaaaaaaaady"

He turned to her and smiled. She smiled back and giggled. She didn't want anything. Judy just liked saying his name. When she was younger she'd mistakenly called Carl dada; for a while Michonne stopped calling Carl by his name and referred to him as "brother" so Judy could learn. Now she had her father. Judy was unsure what to do with him though. She gave him a coy smile and buried her face into Michonne's chest. Rick played with the soft brunette hair in the ponytail. He was so grateful to have her back in his life. He knew he wasn't too far gone because he still loved. Perhaps he should make a better effort to blend. It would make things easier for his family. Rick decided to clear the air with his former companions. He could understand if there was bad blood between them.

Then...

Rick could see the smoke from miles away. His heart jumped to his throat. It was gone. The church was nothing, but smoldering beams of wood. Carol held his arm as Daryl went to kick through the embers. There were bodies, but there were a lot more than four. After looking at them critically, Daryl went to Rick and assured Rick, "They ain't there." Even though the bodies were charred beyond recognition he didn't see one belonging to a baby or one of Carl's height. He also didn't see a sword. "They probably went into Gabriel's town."

"It's on fire too." Sasha said, shaking her head.

"It's worth a shot."

"Yeah, we got to find them." A shiver went through Rick. He signaled for his group to hide as the fire truck from DC barreled through. It stopped in front of the church's sign. Rick watched intensely. It was a little too ironic for a fire truck to appear after everything had burned down. He stopped hiding once he saw Glenn and Maggie.

"What happened?"

Daryl got Rick's attention, "I'ma g'on 'head."

Rick nodded. Maggie was honestly the last person either of them wanted to see. She didn't know about Beth. He knew she was asking what happened to the church, but he was too curious to why they were back to answer right away. "I was going to ask you the same thing."

"He lied... There's no cure." Rick nodded. He should have known there was no cure. If Jenner couldn't do it, how could Eugene? Rick thought Eugene was saying a lot of nothing, but Abraham seemed so determined. Rick mainly went with it because of Abraham's ferocity. That fervor made him think there was a shot. Now he had less hope than before. "Rick?"

Glenn went beside his wife. "Where's Michonne?"

"I don't know..."

After looking throughout the town and splitting up to look at the surrounding areas, they regrouped in an abandoned house in the town west of where they last met. Rick walked in to an empty room and left himself to his thoughts. Maggie was in the room next to him. He could hear her heart-wrenching sobs. What if he was like her? What if he sees the body of his children and partner? He'd been lucky many times finding his family as many times as he did. Maybe his luck finally ran out.

He couldn't help, but think about Beth shot in front of him, her limp body falling and all the blood. He replayed it over until his mind played a cruel trick on him and replaced Beth with Carl. Rick's heart started racing. He felt warm as anxiety began to overtake him. Rick fell on the floor and gasped for air.

"Rick, you okay in there?" He didn't answer. "Rick?"

He wasn't sure when the door opened. He wasn't even together when Tyreese and Sasha picked him up from the bathroom floor. He did notice when he woke up on the couch. He was across from the smallest bedroom. He could hear Rosita's voice. She was talking to Eugene. Rick had no idea the fraud had woken up. Part of him hoped Eugene would have died from the beating.

"You know when we were out there. I used some of the stuff you taught me. ...It was really useful."

"Duly noted."

"What you did, I get it. We've all done things. I think the group understands too." Rosita thought about Abraham. "Abraham may need more time though."

"Where are we going to go now?"

"Richmond. Noah's town. They have walls. We'll settle down now."

"And Noah is...?"

"We're not going anywhere," Rick grunted. He pushed himself up and stumbled to the doorway of the small bedroom. "Michonne and Carl are still out there. Not until we find them."

"We've been searching for days now! They could be anywhere." Rosita complained.

Rick glared at them both. Rosita and Eugene were still outsiders to him. Even Terminus wasn't enough to match the bond he felt with the others. "Don't you ever say another thing about them. If it wasn't for that goddamn lie, we would have been together."

Hearing the discord, Glenn, Tyreese and Carol went to them. Glenn tried to calm Rick. "I understand your rage. Beth-"

"You should have stayed put like I said." He didn't want to hear Glenn relate his pain to his. He just lost his sister in-law; he didn't want to equate his family with any type of death. He wished he could have saved Beth. He wished he would have just killed Dawn's group instead of the trade. He was going to do that, but Daryl and Tyreese convinced him of a trade. Rick got mad at Tyreese. Why did he listen to him and Daryl? He glared at Tyreese. "We should have done a lot of things like I said."

Tyreese frowned at Rick. "There were good people back there."

Rick nodded, "Yeah, they were good people, but I would trade all of them for our own." Rick pushed past them. "We go nowhere."

Rick remembered that after he cooled off he told them that they should split up. He didn't like the things he said to them. It reminded him of his days as their dictator. He wanted a group who would follow him willingly. Loyalty would mean more now that he wanted to look for Michonne and the kids. He knew the group would split for life at that moment. It didn't surprise him when Tyreese and Sasha went for Alexandria; Tyreese was always looking for a way out. Sasha went because Tyreese was her family. Rick knew she would have stayed otherwise. She had adapted. She was what he needed in an ally. Noah argued to stay at first, wanting to help the man who helped him, but he was injured and getting him home was Beth's dream. Carol also wanted to go with Rick, but she was still healing. There was no way their search would help her heal all of her internal injuries. The constant movement would have her in constant pain. Abraham's group went to Alexandria too. Abraham and Rick would be in constant battle for supremacy. Eugene also needed walls. He was too much of a novice to survive alone. Rosita just wanted to be safe. Abraham made it his mission to see that they made it to Alexandria.

Daryl, Maggie, Tara, and Glenn went with Rick. There were no surprises when Daryl stayed with Rick. Daryl would follow Rick into hell so there was no question that he would help him look for his family. The Rhees joined. Maggie and Glenn felt like they owed it to Rick since he lost his family to find theirs. Tara would follow Glenn wherever. It surprised Rick how close he'd gotten with her. He'd even killed his brother for her. It was the reason why they went to Alexandria. Tara had gotten hurt and he knew that she deserved better; they all did. The five of them became an unstoppable unit. They seemed to harden with each day that passed. After so long he knew he had to give them more. They needed lives.

Thinking about his bond with his small unit made him realize the same must have happened with Michonne, Carl, Judith, and Gabriel. The priest and his adoptive daughter were in his home now. He was trying; Michonne wasn't one who could be commanded. He'd tolerate Gabriel as long as he didn't take what was his.

They each had stored food from the feast. Judith was chatting away with Gabriel. The dog, Smythe, followed Chenelle closely. Michonne seemed tense; Rick wondered if she was afraid of dogs. He wondered why she would be. It was a shame; a dog would be a great means of defense. Gabriel kept stealing glances at Michonne. He was irritated, but doubted the priest would try to pull any proposal nonsense with him there. Hopefully Gabriel had more sense than that.

Gabriel cleared his throat. "I have a bottle of liquor I've been saving for a special occasion."

"Aww, that's sweet of you! That's a great way to welcome Carl's dad back," Chenelle thought while petting her dog.

"Actually, it's more about new beginnings in general." Rick soon realized Gabriel didn't have any sense at all.

Gabriel revealed the bottle and started to pour drinks. Rick took the cup and gave Gabriel a cold stare. "Do you remember the last time we drank?"

"I do."

"Nothing's changed." Rick said.

While they were drinking, everyone, but Chenelle noticed the hostility between the two. Michonne and Carl stopped partaking, knowing that the situation may change suddenly. Rick drank slowly for the same reason. Chenelle and Gabriel had most of the alcohol. Chenelle took a glass and looked at the sweet smelling liquid. She was drunk and more loquacious than usual. "All of us under one roof again... With Mr. Grimes it's even better." The adults looked at each other. Chenelle drank her rum. "You know, it's kind of crazy. It just makes no sense to me. Why didn't we all just stay in the same house?"

Michonne knew Rick was cringing. When the probationary moment passed for them, she didn't want to stay with Gabriel because of their pregnancy scare. She didn't want to stay with Chenelle because of Smythe. She also didn't want Chenelle and Carl to be around each other when their hormones kicked in. To take tension away, she gave Chenelle the semi-honest answer. "I wanted to prevent teenage pregnancy."

That was enough of a distraction. Carl was bright red and Chenelle choked on her drink. "Gross!"

"Michonne, ew!"

"I wouldn't! She's my friend."

Chenelle took that the wrong way. Unable to control her tears because of her inebriated state, she went to Carl and Judith's bedroom to cry, Smythe following. Carl watched her leave in confusion and followed after her.

Gabriel was also drunk. Chenelle and Carl's departure made him more emboldened to do what he wanted. There was a question that had been on his mind since Rick arrived, "When are you going to move out?"

Everyone stopped. Even Judith was quiet. She was playing with her bear away from them, but she sensed the moment and looked at Michonne. Rick looked at him and placed the glass of rum down. "You don't want to do this."

"Gabriel." Michonne tried to warn him.

"I respect you. I really do, but I don't think it's right for you to be manipulating her relationship with the kids to get to her."

Michonne didn't like anyone speaking for her. She was her own woman. "I'm right here, don't speak for me. Nobody makes me do anything I don't want to do."

Rick smirked. "Certainly don't. ... So when you had your legs around me, a while ago, your decision was made."

Michonne glared at him. "Screw you, Rick."

SMACK!

There was another mass silence in the Grimes unit. Michonne's eyes widened. She couldn't believe this had happened. Gabriel's fist was still clenched as Rick's face began to bruise. It was a strong fluid punch, but since Rick was still conscious, a big mistake on Gabriel's part. Michonne could see humanity escape Rick's eyes. It was a sobering moment. Gabriel knew even before the rum bottle collided across his temple that he had made a terrible decision. Gabriel saw stars; he stumbled to the floor. Rick was on him before he could get up. Gabriel headbutted Rick, who slammed Gabriel's head back and pressed the bottle against his throat.

Judith screamed, "No Daddy, no! Daddy, stop!" Her screams did nothing. The calls of daddy that he cherished so much earlier didn't even register. He was gone.

Carl and Chenelle rushed to the scene. Gabriel was still struggling. Chenelle panicked "Father!" Chenelle tried to run to him, but Carl caught her, not wanting her to get hurt. Rick's blue eyes pierced into Gabriel's. He had a habit of watching the light fade from his enemies' eyes.

"No daddy, no hurt Gabwiel! Please daddy, nooo!"

Chenelle screamed at Carl to let her go or do something. Carl had his gun on his waist unsure what to do. Michonne got her sword. A line of drool fell from Gabriel's mouth. His eyes began to bulge and lose sight.

"That's enough!" Michonne unsheathed her sword and put the blunt end on Rick's neck. Rick didn't stop. She was surprised he spoke.

"You gonna do it?"

"You need to stop."

"You know what happened to the last person who threatened me?"

"Rick, let Gabriel go."

Not having an option, Rick dropped the bottle and let Gabriel live. Gabriel gasped for air and began coughing. His throat was throbbing in pain. Rick got up slowly and Michonne sheathed her sword. Gabriel scampered away from Rick, refusing to look at him. Chenelle ran to him sobbing and trembling. Rick felt the same as Gabriel, but for the opposite reason. He couldn't meet his eyes. He couldn't believe he'd let Gabriel live. It was irritating him; to get away from the urge he walked to Michonne's bedroom. He noticed that he didn't see or hear Judith anymore. He realized she was hiding, hiding from him. Rick slammed the door behind him and started pacing. The defense wounds from Gabriel on his arms and neck began to itch. He knew it was psychological instead of something he felt physically. His adrenaline was too high for him to feel those cuts. His thoughts were on one track: kill Gabriel, kill Gabriel. What if Gabriel tried to attack him again, but this time with a weapon? Leaving people who attack alive always ended badly. Rick made no exceptions to that rule.

When Michonne went to her room she saw Rick sitting on the end of her bed. His leg was bouncing and he was staring into another world. Michonne sat next to him and didn't say anything. She didn't think he noticed her presence, but after almost twenty minutes of silence Rick said, "I wasn't going to do anything to him, Michonne."

"I know."

"He attacked me."

"I know."

"I'm not going to let him live. I'm not going to let him threaten this."

"You're going to have to. You'll be excommunicated if you kill him."

Rick's face twisted in disgust. "This man comes in my house, my house, and-"

She touched his arm. "Let it go. We need you here. It's not worth it."

Rick heard what she was saying, but it wasn't really sinking in. "Would you follow me again? If I got kicked out, would you follow me?"

"...no."

Rick shook her hand off his arm. He looked at her, eyes still foreign. "What happened to you? Don't you remember the days when you were by my side? Don't you miss that?!"

"I miss it. But I'm not going to follow you back into hell. Not with a baby. Christ! She's not even potty trained and you're thinking we'd go back out there? You need to stay here. Just stay! ...I'll take care of Gabriel."

"..."

"If you trust me like you say, let me handle it." Rick turned to her and gauged her demeanor. He could see her seriousness. He wasn't sure what she was planning, but he'd let her handle it, for now.

Michonne woke up to see a very awake Rick next to her. She'd let him sleep next to her that night. She could tell Rick still wasn't at peace with her, but she understood. Rick let what he saw as a threat walk away. He probably wouldn't rest until Gabriel was dead. She wasn't naive enough to think that Rick was going to let Gabriel go. Michonne got up and began to start her day. She could hear the patter of Smythe's paws and knew Chenelle stayed the night. Michonne didn't fix breakfast. She just washed and went to Gabriel's unit.

Gabriel checked the door and answered once he saw it was Michonne; and saw she was alone. She walked inside and looked at Gabriel. He had a large knot on the side of his head. She could also see the bruise around his neck. She frowned. She didn't know why Gabriel made such a dumb decision. Gabriel was ashamed. He set out to protect Michonne's honor and assert himself as a man. He almost died. He knew Rick was only looking for an excuse and he'd given him one. He couldn't believe this went down especially in front of Judith. He also wished it didn't happen in front of Michonne. The look she was giving him made him wish Rick succeeded with killing him. He would never forget the look on Rick's face. It was terrifying. It was as if he were peering into his soul.

"I'm going to report Rick."

Michonne shrugged. "You can if you want, but it was your fault for swinging first."

Gabriel frowned. Raspy, he asked, "Why are you taking his side?"

"Because you started this. You're lucky Rick didn't kill you. He's going to try to finish the job, Gabriel."

"I'll kill him before he kills me."

"Bullshit"

"You've seen me kill Michonne. I-"

"Would die. Rick has been out there longer. He also has more experience and is more resourceful. You can't win this." Michonne looked at her feet. "I want you to live."

"..."

"Ezekiel's Kingdom is east. You need to go and cover your tracks so Daryl can't find you. It might even be best if you change your name."

"..."

"I'll visit you in a month or so. I promise."

"Don't bother." Gabriel got up and gathered things for his escape. He looked at Michonne with eyes of regret and turned from her in anger. "I'll make the decision for you. Bye Michonne."

Michonne stood there trying to process everything. Gabriel was gone. It was for his safety. She knew that he was strong enough to make it to the Kingdom. He had to harden outside the walls. He would make it there and start a new life. Unfortunately, he didn't want her to have anything to do with this new life. She didn't know that this would make her heart break. She stood there and fought tears of hurt.

Next Chapter: Family has many definitions.