Taperedfro: Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed. I really feel like chapter six was the most intense.

Chapter Thirteen: Carl, JSS

Negan had called him a serial killer. Carl leaned back on some of the supplies he'd sneaked in with. Negan was about to see just how murderous Carl truly was. Carl knew that the chances of him surviving this were very slim; he also knew that he didn't care. For years Alexandria had been the place he'd called home. When he first arrived, it was hard to believe that it was real. They acted as if the apocalypse wasn't happening. The way they behaved -before Michonne and company got there- was unreal. Nobody guarded the walls, people didn't carry weapons; they didn't even ration the food. They were so naive about the dangers outside their walls. After a few walkers crept in, it was just the scare they needed. His family went to work, but unfortunately two people died. As bad as it have been, the undead were not the biggest threat to Alexandria.

"Do you remember what I told you back at that church?" Carl's eyes were still wide from surprise. He nodded yes. "It's true more now than ever. You are not safe."

Of course he thought of his father's words. He'd become a true Alexandrian: caught off guard, unprepared for the true danger. Carl wished that he'd prepped Alexandria more for human threats. He thought about the Governor, the Termites, and the Claimers. He knew the threat was human. After all he'd done to help Alexandria: teaching the children how to survive, patrolling the walls, planting and harvesting food, what did it amount to? Years had gone. Minus the temporary coup by his father, this was Alexandria's first legitimate human threat. It was unfair that it was the Saviors. Not even Carl and Michonne had faced a group so impossible. Apparently, neither had Rick. To see his father brought down like that, something broke. The luck Alexandria had officially ran out.

Even the prison didn't feel like Alexandria did. Carl wasn't even sure if he could say if Alexandria mirrored the feeling of community before the turn. He had been too young to observe or critically think about such things before the apocalypse. Any love he had for Georgia faded away years ago. There were good memories though. After all, Georgia was where he and his sister were born. He thought of his mother, Lori. He would always regret how he treated her. He missed her so much. There was so much he'd wished he said to her before she died. He wondered if she knew how much he loved her. He remembered how sad his mother was before her death; he didn't make it any easier with his attitude and disrespect. Why couldn't he think of something to say before she passed? She did. Lori made sure to let him know she loved him before she died.

"Carl, baby I don't want you to be scared okay? This is what I want. This is right. Now, you take care of your daddy for me okay? And your little brother or sister, you take care of them. You're gonna be fine. You are gonna beat this world, I know you will. You are smart, and you are strong and you are SO brave. And I love you. You gotta do what's right. Promise me you'll always do what's right. It's so easy to do the wrong thing in this world, so if it feels wrong, don't do it, if it feels easy don't do it, don't let the world spoil you. You are so good my sweet, sweet boy. The best thing I ever did. I love you, I love you my sweet boy. I love you. Goodnight love."

Carl was not having second thoughts about his choice to stow away; he'd been behind walls long enough. He just hoped he didn't fail her. It wasn't lost on Carl that Michonne came into their lives right after they'd lost Lori. Did his mother guide her there? Carl would like to think so. If there was an afterlife, he'd ask her.

Thinking about fallen members, he thought about his first crush Beth. She was an angel in his eyes. She was so pretty and talented. She took good care of Judith when he and his father couldn't. Plus, she sang beautifully. It hurt to find out she'd died. Maybe this was why his love of Georgia faded. Carl remembered wearing his father's sheriff's hat; he even remembered being excited to tell his friends that his father was a cop. However, it wasn't until this moment that he fully understood what his father used to do and still did.

Carl's mind continued to wander. The headquarters was many miles away. He started feel sad; his death would hurt so many people. Michonne was going to be mad and hurt. They were very close. He noticed that once he got a little older he stopped telling her a lot of things. If he had the chance he'd tell her it was because she evolved from being his friend. He would also tell her that he knew she loved him very much and knew she would always be there for him. She definitely had always been there for him. She saved him countless times. He could only remember helping her once. Carl thought of his sister. Judith was going to be sad. He really wanted to see her grow up. She looked a lot like their mother, especially when her hair was dark. She was so smart. He wondered what type of woman she'd be. A mini-Michonne? A female Rick? Maybe she'd be a gun-wielding, comic book nerd like him. Seizing this moment probably meant he wouldn't be there to watch over her and find out. Carl felt a lot of confusion about his father. They'd just reunited. He wished they'd spent more time together; Carl wished he told his father that he was a hero and saved many lives. Carl should have told him he looked up to him and was glad he was back. He knew that if he died, his father would do the impossible. Rick always found a way. Carl felt like an asshole. Unlike his mother he didn't leave with parting words. Even if he wasn't as eloquent, he wanted them to know that if he died, it would be to save them. He wanted them to know he did this because he was a product of them.

Carl thought about his time in Alexandria. What wasted opportunity! Carl had worked too much; he missed so much time to be with his family. He could have been a better son; he could have been a better friend. He was particularly a shitty friend to Ron. When he arrived Ron had introduced him to the other teenagers; he helped him adjust. Carl betrayed his kindness. Like Michonne, Carl also knew that Pete Anderson was abusive to his wife and kids, but they had done nothing. He felt bad, but his family came first. Carl thought about killing Pete many times after the late drunk performed Michonne's surgery, but Judith consistently grew sick so he didn't. Carl realized moments like that was made his dad a great leader. Rick made the right choice, not the easy one. Now they had two doctors and many nurses in Alexandria.

Carl also betrayed Ron through Enid. He had strong feelings for Enid. In many ways, Carl had acted on those feelings. There was an inexplicable pull toward her; he couldn't control it. Maybe it was because she survived despite the odds. More impressively, she survived without her parents' protection; that awed him. As strong as he was, Carl knew he needed the group to survive. Unlike many of the other Alexandrian, she knew what it was like outside the walls. He loved hanging out with her. They did so often. They'd get similar shifts, visit each other's homes, or see each other outside the walls. She was his first kiss, something she regretted because of her boyfriend. He didn't. If he was honest with himself, they would have been much more. Perhaps they could have been together. He felt more for her than any other Alexandrian teen. Sometimes he thought Enid felt the same, but then she'd become cold or run back to Ron. It was interesting that he liked her so much. She was so different from his first love, Beth Greene. The same regret of not saying his goodbyes to his family, he felt towards her. If he had told her what he was planning, she'd tell him that he was stupid. Then she would say just survive somehow.

Despite Mikey's immaturity, Carl would miss him; Mikey was a funny guy. He would miss others like Anna, Combs, and Hunter. He would also miss Chenelle. Sometimes she reminded him of an anime character, one of those shy pretty girls that were secretly strong. After separating from the group in Gabriel's hometown, she was the only teenager around for a while. Although he tried to deny it, he did toss her aside. Maybe that's why he didn't notice the problems she was having. Now he kept thinking about the times Chenelle would go to Dr. Anderson's house, sometimes at ungodly hours. Then there was the moment Pete almost slapped her at Douglass and Deanna's birthday party. Since she was now living with Jessie, Ron, and Sam, he assumed her unborn child was a result of sexual abuse from Dr. Anderson. He wondered if rape was always rampant. Sometimes he still had flashbacks of his own sexual assault. It was another reason he worked so much; when he was busy, his mind had less time to go dark places. At first, Carl thought Chenelle's baby was his, but then he dismissed it because he used a condom. His first time lasted all of four minutes. They were so embarrassed they didn't even look at the condom when he took it off. Sex felt really good; better than when he was left to his own devices. It was a messed up thing to do knowing he didn't like her the way she liked him. Maybe it was that selfishness that made him miss what seemingly happened. His last regret was that Chenelle's baby was apparently not his. It would have been nice for his parent to have a piece of him when he was gone.

The truck came to its final stop. Carl had been so deep in thought that the jerks, bumps, and yields had been nothing. Carl ducked behind a couple of comforters. He aimed his weapon and debated praying. What would he pray for? Precision? Body count? A quick death and to not be tortured? Carl took a deep breath. His hearing and vision multiplied. There were so many voices. After some talking and laughing, the trailer's door opened. Carl noticed two men climb in to unload the supplies. They were unarmed. They moved a couple of boxes out before getting closer to Carl. Carl didn't need them to be close. His rifle would tear them apart even from afar. He wanted to wait until more Saviors climbed into the trailer.

"You think we'll get one of these "

One of the Saviors spotted Carl. "What the-"

Carl pulled the trigger before he could finish that sentence. The bullets ripped through the men so badly their intestines burst out. Carl got toward the end of the trailer. To his surprised nobody was firing on him. He realized most of their ammo was used raiding Alexandria. Hope soared for Carl, maybe he would be able to go home. He was the one with the semi automatic rifle. The dangerous end was pointing at them.

"What the fucking fuck?!" Negan screamed.

Carl looked around, he heard his voice, but couldn't located him. "I only want Negan. He hurt my dad. Turn him over to me and I'll let the rest of you live. I've seen the weapons you use, I know you don't have a lot of guns. No one else has to die."

"Fuck you kid!" "Just wait, little faggot!" "You're gonna die today!"

"God damn you're adorable. Revenge for daddy? I can respect that. Did you pick that gun because it looks cool? You totally did, didn't y-" Carl glared and shot in the direction of Negan's voice. Saviors ducked and ran for cover. Three Saviors were mowed down. Negan was almost a casualty. This impressed him. "Kid, I'm not going to lie to you," Negan made sure he had cover. "You scare the fucking shit out of me." Carl resumed shooting, killing a few other Saviors in the process. Carl wanted to end this. If he could get Negan, this could end.

A raspy growl echoed through the trailer. One of the Saviors from the first strike, had turned into a walker. Carl wanted to ignore it, but he could hear it edging toward him. "Shit!" Carl cursed. He had to turn and finish the bodies in the trailer. He hadn't turned for more than a few seconds, but strong hands threw him to the ground. Carl fired the weapon killing a few people who'd come to attack him, but he lost his grip on his weapon. The response was instant. He was kicked in the back. "You little fuck!" He was repeatedly kicked in the stomach and side. "I'm going to kill you!"

"Dwight! Back the fuck off!" Carl tried to catch his breath. It hurt to breathe. He reached for his gun, but it was taken and now pointing at him. The Savior backed up and Negan appeared. Carl turned to face the man and fell on his back. Negan stood over Carl with an eerily calm expression. The hair on Carl's body stood sharply. After all of this, for Negan to be so calm and easy was incredibly terrifying. "Is that any way to treat our new guest?"

The following week had been emotional for Rick Grimes. He had never been more angry or homicidal. Most of all he'd never been more scared. After Negan robbed them of their supplies and killed Glenn, he'd been unconscious for a couple of days. The moment he woke up, he somewhat wished he hadn't. What he'd hoped was a nightmare was real. He was facing an impossible enemy who crippled him in more ways than one. For two days he felt excruciating pain from that spot. Now, it felt like his right hand was itching. It made no sense to him because it was no longer there. The Grady nurses told him he'd feel phantom pains and feelings from time to time. It was annoying having an itch he couldn't scratch, but it was just a garnish to the anguish he was feeling. Those bastards had invaded his home. They'd killed his people, took supplies, and destroyed everyone's peace of mind. They'd threatened everything they'd worked for! Worst of all was Carl was missing.

"It's my fault. I should have known he'd go after them." Michonne said. She was still pissed she wasn't there. She was making dinner with Judith when it all happened. She knew something was wrong, but she didn't want to leave Judith unattended. She wished she had told Judith to hide and went to help. She would have stopped Carl from following the Saviors and hopefully had prevented Glenn's death. It may have sounded far-fetched, but together the group had made miracles happen before. She should have been there.

Rick shook his head. "No, I shouldn't have underestimated them. I'm responsible."

"It's not just you." Michonne wanted to hit something. "I should have protected him. I've always-"

"I didn't want you out there. I don't know what I would have done if it was you... I have to see Maggie."

Michonne shook her head. "I know you want to, but I want you to have a full recovery. No infection, no damage."

"She's family."

"She's not injured."

Before today Rick would have said he would have given anything for Michonne to treat him with this much concern. She hadn't left his side since he was admitted. Rick leaned back on the bed. The consequences of his actions seemed to weigh him down. He turned to Michonne. "I've been screwing thangs up since I've arrived."

"..."

"Maybe I should have just gone with the flow. Everyone seemed happier before I arrived. Judith is always split between loving me or being afraid. Carl thought I was too weak to protect y'all and took matters into his own hands. I don't think I've ever been fair to you."

"That's enough. This was not on you. Judith loves you; and you have many years to build the relationship you want with her. She's still a little girl. Carl doesn't think you're weak. He's just your son. That reckless streak, that's all you."

"Yeah..." Rick noticed she didn't say anything to counter his statement about being unfair to her. "I should have never come back. Everyone would have been happier. Carl would have still been here."

"Are you going to continue pitying yourself? Because I'm neither going to listen to it nor tell you that everything you did was perfect. Did you mess up when you fought Gabriel in front of Judith? Yes. But like I told you, she's still so little. That won't be the defining moment of you two's relationship. I think she's more likely going to remember you reading to her at night, you listening when she tells you about school, and definitely when you take her outside these walls to teach her how to survive. Did you screw up when you killed Dr. Anderson? Yes. I cannot stress how much of a fuck up that was. He was the only doctor and we have a sickly child. Accidents happen. And babies are being born. However you fixed it; we have a medical team now. We even have more equipment. Even after the Saviors took some of our medicines we're still better off now than before Dr. Anderson. You shouldn't have killed Aiden. You shouldn't have done whatever you did to Gabriel. And yes, you've done messed up things to me. But the story doesn't end here. This isn't the end."

Rick looked at the bandage on his right wrist. He wouldn't be able to overpower the Saviors. They had unknown numbers and until he got used to his left hand, he was dramatically weakened. He would have to think this through. He touched Michonne with his left hand. His wedding ring hand been long gone. He would replace it one day. Maybe when Carl got back they could make it official. Michonne would always be by his side. This ordeal proved it.

"One day, I'm going to be the rock for you like you are for me. I will be better for you and I'll be better to you. But as for now, I need to stay little fucked up." His eyes grew dark. "I'm going to kill them all, more people than I ever have before. It's going to be a bloodbath."

Michonne nodded. She accepted that war was coming. "Let's do this."

The Next Day...

Rick was amazed at how many well wishers came to his door. It was almost the entire community of Alexandria. It honestly confused Rick. He hadn't been friendly to them; that a was beyond apparent. He hadn't even been nice to his former crew. He only knew a few names of the Alexandrians, but they came with goodies, prayers, and sympathy. Most told him stories about Carl's strength or updated him on the community since he'd been hospitalized. A few told him that they knew he would find a solution. Only two lashed out; Michonne dealt with it.

"I never thought I would want to fight for this place for the sake of anybody, but my family." Rick picked up some of the wild flowers he'd been brought. He wondered how he could fashion them into a crown for Judith. "I've been here for almost a year and I only know a few people by name. Heath, he goes out for runs. Olivia who helps run commissary with Tara. Jessie, Ron, Chenelle, and Sam Anderson. The Monroes and Aaron. That's not even a tenth of people here."

"At least you don't want them dead anymore."

"I, I feel guilty about that."

"We'll make it up to them. Once we free this place we'll have a party and get to know everyone. I used to shut myself off to new people too."

"...I didn't notice," Rick said sarcastically.

Michonne looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I'm just saying, you only said fifty words max at the prison."

Michonne took one of the cookies out of Rick's baskets and nibbled on it. "You didn't make the best first impression."

"I think my second impression needed some work too."

"Maybe a little." Michonne smiled. It was nice talking to Rick like this. She was truly enjoying it until she realized Carl's lack of interference wasn't because he was at work. Her mouth became suddenly dry. It was hard to finish eating.

Rick walked to Michonne and held her. "Daryl went to find him."

Michonne didn't answer. She just nodded her head. "I don't want to lose another son."

"I promised you'd never feel that pain again, no matter what."

"You can't control everything."

"..."

"Yolanda said the only reason she hasn't killed herself is because of her twin boys. She lost Noah and Tyreese. I know I have to be the same way for Judith, but- I don't think I can do this again. I can't. I know it's selfish because compared to others we've been so blessed."

"I'm not good with word like you are. I don't know how to make you feel better."

Michonne remembered the speech he made when he created the prison. "You're not as bad as you think."

There was a knock at the door. The couple turned to see one of the Grady members, Dr. Russells. "It seems like I might be the last one remaining in Alexandria to come for a visit." He gave them a comforting smile. "Michonne, Rick, how are you?"

"Depends is this a friendly or business call for you?"

The psychiatrist wanted to say they were definitely matched well. Even though Michonne wouldn't admit it, she was just as guarded as Rick. They each came to him hoping to discuss the well-being of their partner, but totally dismissed the idea of going for themselves. He stayed by the door. "It's friendly. Although it would be wise to give a psychological evaluation. You've been through a major trauma. But I will never force counseling on anyone."

Rick sneered, "You would probably want us to turn the other cheek."

Dr. Russells scoffed. "Hell no! The Saviors must die and we will kill them. I have a son to think about. As do you. That advice is unrealistic." Dr. Russells decided to cut the visit short. He wondered if their hostility to his appearance was the first step in accepting that they may need mental health care. He let them be. He had clients that needed to be seen today. He noticed one of them enter. It was Chenelle. She looked a little sad, it surprised him because this was her favorite place in Alexandria. She was holding a couple of jars. "Good morning, Chenelle."

"Good morning, doctor. Are you here to see a patient?"

"No, I was stopping to check on Rick and Michonne."

She nodded. "Me too." She looked at her jars. "It's tomato sauce and paste. I actually helped grow these." Eventually her pregnancy made her stick to one job, training the puppies.

"It looks delicious."

Chenelle smiled. "Thank you. I'll ask Mrs. Anderson, but you and Danny can come over for spaghetti one day."

"That sounds lovely. Would you like to talk?"

"It's just more of the same. ...You haven't seen that guy, Negan. He's a monster! I, I don't think Carl's going to be okay."

"..."

"Maybe if I had told him about his son, he wouldn't have been so reckless." Chenelle tried not to cry. "I always thought my baby was a gift to me so I could see my family again, but what if he's a consolation prize to the Grimes because Carl's not coming back?"

It was Rick's last day in the hospital. He felt like he should have been home days ago. Being there was making him frustrated. He kept trying to do things with the right hand that was no longer there. He also had no idea how to do things with just his left. He didn't know how Glenn did it. Glenn had adapted almost instantaneously. He also remembered Hershel. Hershel was a force of nature after his physical therapy. They'd set the bar so high. Rick felt like his incompetence killed them. If he had dealt with the governor, Hershel would have still been alive. If Rick had planned for Negan, Glenn would have been there. Rick didn't understand all these emotions overwhelming him. He thought they were long gone. He wished that his emotions were gone.

Michonne wasn't there to comfort him this time. She was with Judith preparing their home. Rick needed her advice; he could even due with her presence. She'd always kept the bad thoughts away. He could think straight with Michonne. Rick started pacing his room. He'd have to become quicker. He had to strengthen the limbs that weren't affected. Rick noticed he'd gotten a little fatter since being in Alexandria. No more, Rick would make sure he stayed in top physical condition. Perhaps he'd ask Michonne to help him. Rick went to his gifts. He noticed a basket of freshly baked bread. Rick reached for it, with his right hand. He stared at the nub. He thought about the events before and after its removal. He thought about Carl. Unable to handle the rage, he picked up some of his gifts and shattered them against the wall.

"Umm, Mr. Grimes?"

Rick turned to see Chenelle standing at the doorway. She had jars in her hands. "What?" He was short with her. She didn't do anything to him, but he couldn't help that he was mad. Chenelle didn't say anything. Instead she just told a nurse the crash was nothing and closed his door. She walked over to glass he broke and silently swept it. She knew it was in there because he was having accidents. Rick felt bad when he saw her bend down to pick up the dustpan. She looked like she would topple over; her balance was strained from her growing belly. She went to the basket. "You don't have to-"

Chenelle picked up the bread and put it in the basket. She simply placed the basket back where it was supposed to be. She knew he wouldn't waste it because it fell on the floor. They'd both eaten worse things outside the walls. Chenelle gently rubbed her stomach. She gathered up her nerves and looked at Rick. "I haven't thanked you for what you did. Without you he probably would have taken me and the puppies. People like that, they take whatever and whoever. You made sure we weren't one of those things."

"You don't have to thank me for that."

"I want to. ...I've hated you for a really long time, Mr. Grimes. I still don't know if I can let myself forgive you for what you did to Gabriel, but I hope we can become allies."

Rick didn't know what to say. Should he tell her that Gabriel was alive? He didn't know that as a fact. He just knew he didn't kill him. Should he tell her he was sorry? He didn't think he could do that either. He still wasn't sorry for what he did to Gabriel, only that that action affected so many people around him. "Alright. ...I never meant for my actions to hurt you."

"I realize that now." Rick noticed she was talking with so much clarity. It was very different from the times she was hyperactive, manic, or upset. He wondered what could have changed this, but he realized he already knew. She was a patient of Dr. Russells. Maybe he could do the same for him. Perhaps he actually would make an appointment. He hadn't felt like himself in a really long time. "Would you mind if I have some of your bread?"

"Sure, have some."

Chenelle broke off a piece and grabbed one of her jars of tomato sauce. She smiled. "Don't worry it's not poison." Her smile grew awkward. "Considering our past, that may not have been the best joke to make."

"What did you say?"

"I'm sorry Mr. Grimes, I promise it was a joke. See." She dipped her bread in each jar and ate from it. "It's not poisoned. I would never hurt my baby."

Rick's mind started racing. Chenelle threatened him many months ago. So long, he hadn't put much thought in it. Now she came to him when he was vulnerable and unsuspecting. He knew the jars were just tomato sauce, but had they'd been poisoned, this was a good moment to strike. There was literally no other way Chenelle could kill him. He was more skilled, had more allies, more weapons, tactically smarter, had fewer weaknesses, and she was vulnerable. He smiled. Chenelle was confused. "Do you still have Dr. Anderson's medical books?"

"Jessie does. Mr. Grimes, I'm sorry about the-"

"No don't worry about that. You've actually helped me a lot."

She realized what he meant. As if feeding off his excitement, her son kicked. She rested her hands on her stomach. "How are you going to poison Negan. This isn't going to be simple. And no offense, but this is going to take time, planning, patience, and you aren't a patient man. You can't do this alone. Alexandria can't do this alone either. I don't think this is a good idea."

Rick kept thinking about it. It was a good idea. If they could ally themselves with with Hilltop, The Kingdom, and any other community the Saviors have terrorized they could do it. They would wait months until the Saviors thought they were compliant. Then they would poison the entire food supply. That would give them time to find the Savior's bases. They could wipe out the Saviors who survived their sneak attack. Rick placed his hand on Chenelle's shoulder. He hoped she heeded his words. He'd hate to kill her. "Chenelle you need to keep this a secret. Don't say anything about this to anyone."

"I won't." She wouldn't. She wasn't stupid. "I can keep a secret." That was obvious. His grandson was a few months away from being born and only she and Dr. Russells knew it.

(A/N) Even though Carl doesn't know it, the baby is his. Remember this is a darkfic, maybe his kid is consolation prize and Carl isn't coming back. I honestly don't even know yet. Somebody reviewed once and asked if their was a reason Chenelle was being portrayed the way she was. Yes, to prove Gabriel would be missed, Dr. Anderson would be missed, and most importantly, that Dr. Russells, a man Rick would need to become sane could do it. If he helped Chenelle maybe he can help Rick and Michonne.

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Next Chapter: Negan delivers Carl to Alexandria, hands bound, and face covered in a sack.