I'm so sorry this update took so long! I just really wanted to get Shattered finished, and then there was all those one-shots, and then I wanted to focus on Literature in History and then there was that other story I started writing, and then I honestly just had no idea how I'd do this chapter... But it's here now!
I really did think this chapter would be under 10k words, but that obviously didn't happen. Oh well. I'm also not exactly the happiest in regards to how this turned out, but I couldn't think of any other way to do it. I scrapped a lot of this one, too, just because I didn't like where it was going. I'm just trying so hard to make certain things in this kind of gradual, and I know it will probably get annoying at some point (their obliviousness is in like all of my stories. I'm sorry), but I'll try not to annoy you with it...
(Edit: I proof read. And updated it. Good April!)
Now, on to the story, I guess.
The front door opened and Bickslow looked up with an eyebrow raised, just to see Lucy close it as quickly as she'd opened it. "I think… I might have a problem," she said slowly, beginning to walk back and forth between the sitting area on one side, and the end of the island counter on the other side of the room.
Bickslow just watched her do that for a moment before finally asking, "And what might that problem be?" He really didn't know how there could be a problem, because she'd left his house just a few hours earlier with zero problems. Still though, he could see that there was most obviously something worrying her, and, well… That was making him worry, too.
"Um, well…" Lucy didn't really know how to go about explaining it, though. She'd come straight from the guild after talking to Gajeel and Levy because she'd needed to talk to Bickslow about it, because after all, it involved him. Sort of.
But was there even a good way to explain that there was a chance Gajeel knew that she had been around him incredibly recently, because she smelled like him? Honestly, just the thought of that had a shiver running down her spine, because it was kind of weird. She didn't exactly want to smell like anyone other than herself. But obviously, that ship had sailed.
Still, maybe there was a chance that Gajeel hadn't really figured out that it was actually Bickslow, and not just some random person that happened to wear the same whatever as the Seith mage. That was still a possibility. That was what she told herself right then as she continued to pace, too. Surely she was just making a big deal out of it. There was no way Gajeel could know about them… Not that they were a them or anything close to that.
There was just no way Gajeel could know that she had most definitely spent the night with Bickslow. Because everyone thought Bickslow was out with his team somewhere near the border of Fiore or something like that (Lucy couldn't remember what Bickslow had said about the job he was supposed to be on), and that he was most definitely not still in Magnolia and figuring out the whole parenthood thing.
Nope. Absolutely not.
She was just being silly. She had no problems. Bickslow had no problems. Everything was absolutely fine. Apart from the fact that they'd slept together and Lucy was so confused by it and about Bickslow because she didn't even understand her own feelings. Gross. Feelings. But she wasn't going to tell Bickslow about that particular problem. No way.
"I, uh… It's nothing," Lucy eventually said, and she looked up with a small smile. Though the smile was more for her own benefit than Bickslow's, because she was the one still internally panicking, not him.
Bickslow was still just looking at her like she was crazy – which she kind of was – from where he sat in the corner of the lounge, legs crossed under him, and Scarlett in one arm and the small bottle held in his other hand. He was dressed now, like actually dressed, like he was planning on going somewhere, so he looked a little neater than he had for the past week. At least according to Lucy, anyway. She went to comment on it before sitting down next to him, partly out of curiosity and partly because she wanted to change the topic that was making the air around her seem uncomfortable, but then there was a knock on the door she'd closed just moments earlier, and she froze.
Bickslow was staring at it from the corner of his eyes as he mumbled, "Why is there someone at my door?" There shouldn't be anyone at his door. No one but Lucy and his neighbour knew he was home, or so he thought. No one had a reason to be visiting him, and even when people knew he was home, it wasn't exactly like he got all that many visitors anyway. A visitor was a rare occurrence, and Bickslow really didn't like that there was someone outside his door right then.
He didn't like it one bit.
"I don't know," Lucy shrugged. Please don't be Gajeel. If it was, god… She would rather die of shame. Scratch that – she would die of shame if it was Gajeel. But she really hoped it wasn't, and she was still really trying to tell herself that she was just being silly for freaking out. "I'm not going to get it to find out who it is, either."
"Why not?"
"It's your house."
"And?" He nodded down to the two-week-old infant in his arms. "I'm a little busy right now to go and get the stupid door."
Lucy only reached for Scarlett and the bottle with the formula he held, and the Seith mage rolled his eyes as he carefully handed them to her. Why couldn't Lucy just get the door, huh? Sure, his house, and he probably should get it, but still. He would much rather ignore it altogether, but it wasn't like that was going to happen. He had things to that day, like take Scarlett to see a doctor for her check-up which he was apparently supposed to do. He hadn't told Lucy he was doing that, and he'd been planning on leaving as soon as he'd finished feeding her, so if anything, Lucy coming over right then hadn't been at the best time, and whoever was outside his goddamn door was just something else entirely. Horrible timing didn't quite do it justice, in Bickslow's head.
If he'd had it his way, he would've had no visitors apart from Lucy until his team was back. Because really, aside from the fact that he had no fucking clue how he was going to explain the whole 'Surprise! I have a kid now!' thing to his best friends and family (and his actual family was going to be a nightmare, too, and he wasn't looking forward to that in the slightest, either), he just wasn't in the mood to deal with people. Lucy, he could deal with. She was more than fine. Well, sort of. But anyone else? Nuh-uh. He was too tired for that, and he was most definitely too tired for who was outside his door.
Which, unfortunately, did in fact happen to be a smirking Gajeel and surprised Levy. If Lucy could've groaned into a pillow right then, or even climbed out of a window to run far, far away, she would have. But she couldn't, because she was now feeding Scarlett, and really, she was finding it very difficult to leave that tiny adorable little face. She hadn't told Bickslow that, though, because how the hell do you tell someone that you kind of got attached to their baby?
You don't, that's how.
Bickslow, though… He just stared at the two outside his door for a moment before he finally seemed to remember how to move, and stepped back to let them in. This was not how he'd anticipated his day going. Not at all.
"Well, this is certainly interesting," the Dragon Slayer chuckled as he stepped into the room. But then he saw Lucy looking more than a little embarrassed and holding the infant in her arms, and Gajeel was left just gawking, right before he looked back to the Seith mage over his shoulder. "What the fuck is that?!"
"That… would be a baby," Bickslow answered.
"No fucking shit."
Bickslow sighed as he rubbed at the back of his neck and leant against the end of the counter again. Oh, he did not want to be having that conversation at all, yet he knew that there was no escaping it. "Her name is Scarlett," he began slowly. "And, she's kind of mine."
"Kind of?" Levy repeated from where she sat next to Lucy, just staring down at the newborn as Lucy continued to feed her with the bottle.
"Completely mine," Bickslow corrected himself before laughing nervously, "I have a kid. Surprise!"
"…How the hell did that happen?" Gajeel questioned as he, too, stood in front of Lucy to peer at Scarlett. There were just so many things he wanted to know right then, from Bickslow suddenly having a kid, to Lucy being there right then, and Gajeel honestly wondered if he was still asleep, because the situation he'd just stepped in to was so fucking strange.
"I, uh, got some woman knocked up, I suppose. Nine months later, she drops the kid off at my door."
"So how old is she?" Levy asked softly.
"Two weeks today, according to the birth certificate she had with her," the Seith mage answered. He stayed where he was on the edge of the kitchen – Lucy looked more than a little uncomfortable over there with Levy sitting right next to her and Gajeel hovering over the both of them. He didn't need to be over there, too, even if it was his kid that was right in the middle of it.
"So where do you fit in with this whole fucked up situation?" Gajeel asked, nodding down to the blonde in front him.
Lucy looked up then. "Who, me?"
"Who fuckin' else?"
"Um, I'm helping," she mumbled. That was the truth, wasn't it? Of course it was the truth. Bickslow had asked for her help a week earlier, and she had said she would. She cleared her throat just a little awkwardly then, and narrowed her eyes at the Dragon Slayer leaning over her. "And why are you even here, anyway?" That was what she needed to know now.
His mouth was curling up at the corner into another smirk, and he shrugged as he crossed his arms, standing upright again. "Followed you after you left the guild," he answered simply.
"Why?"
"Knew there was somethin' going on with that moron."
"What? How?" Bickslow chimed in again.
Lucy only grimaced. "Please don't say it…" She had a feeling that she already knew how Gajeel had known that she was somehow involved with Bickslow, and she really, really did not want to hear it. Or maybe it was that she just didn't want Bickslow to hear it, because it was so god awfully embarrassing.
"Why not?" Gajeel asked. "I'm gonna guess that you not being in the guild all week has been because you've been here somehow helping Bix with his kid, so that's why you smell like him, not because you fucked him last night." That was perfectly reasonable. Besides, Gajeel knew that Bickslow wasn't stupid enough to actually sleep with her. Laxus would probably kill him if he did that, even though they'd been broken up for more than six months.
Although, Gajeel really couldn't help but wonder just who Lucy had been with the night before, because he knew that she hadn't spent it alone after leaving the guild. She'd been too flustered when he'd asked her in the guild just before for that to be the case. He knew it couldn't have been Bickslow, though. Really. That was impossible… Even if she happened to smell a lot like him.
No. Surely that was just from spending a lot of time with him. That had to be it. His brain couldn't handle anything else, to be perfectly honest.
But then Lucy was looking awkward as all hell and looking down at Scarlett and pretending nothing was off, and Bickslow turned around to try and make himself occupied by looking in a cupboard, and Gajeel just stood there for a second as he tried to understand the sudden shift.
And then it hit him. And he just looked back and forth between them before he slowly and quietly began to chuckle at the situation. "Oh man, you're fucked," he said to Bickslow who was just looking to him from the corner of his eyes. "Spark Plug is gonna kill you."
"Not if he doesn't find out," Bickslow muttered. Gajeel was too smart for his own good sometimes. There was no point in denying what had happened.
"Wait…" Levy chimed in suddenly. She was looking slightly confused, which only made Gajeel laugh a little more, because really, he was finding it hard to actually stop at that point. "Why is Laxus going to kill Bickslow?"
"He isn't—"
"Because he fucked his best friend's ex," Gajeel answered.
Levy's cheeks, if possible, were even darker than Lucy's right then. But it wasn't exactly like Lucy was embarrassed that much – she just didn't really want to be talking about it. Like, not at all, because she really was just a little worried about Laxus finding out. "But why does that even matter?" Levy asked, looking to everyone in the room. "I mean, they've been broken up for months."
"Yes, thank you!" Lucy cried exasperatedly. At least someone got the stupidity of the entire 'bro code', even if Levy hadn't actually said the words. Still, she was thinking it. Lucy knew that. "It doesn't matter. Now can we please just drop it? Like, forever?"
Bickslow only made a face, and he tried to hide it, but it didn't quite work out.
"What the hell was that for?" Lucy demanded. She was looking at him then.
"What?"
"That look."
He shrugged and fiddled with the sleeve of his shirt around his wrist. "You're being weird," he stated. And she was being weird, at least according to him. She was kind of making a bigger deal out of things than necessary. They slept together – so what? It wasn't like it was going to happen again – hell fucking no – so why was she acting so strange? Sure, he got that it was kind of uncomfortable right then because of Gajeel and his stupid goddamn questions and his stupid goddamn nose (which really, made him feel kind of weird even though he was used to the whole heightened senses thing because of Laxus), but Lucy was just… strange. That was what she was. And she was being far more awkward than he'd thought her to be, especially considering the way she'd left his house that morning.
Still, he just didn't understand why she couldn't just act normal. Like, was it really that weird that they'd had sex? Yes, probably. He'd only had the babies giving him all kinds of hell for that ever since she'd left because it kind of was weird, but the difference between him and Lucy right then was that he wasn't letting it get to him. Nope. Because that would mean that it really was weird and strange, and weird and strange ruins friendships, and… Well, he didn't want to do that.
"Weird? What? No I'm not," Lucy spluttered.
"You kind of are."
"I'm not being weird, you are."
"You're both being weird," Gajeel cut in, only warranting a glare from the both of them.
Bickslow cleared his throat then. Okay, so he might be letting the weirdness show. "Whatever. Let's just drop it."
"Nuh-uh." Gajeel was shaking his head with his evil grin still in place, and was then stepping over to where Bickslow stood just to grab his arm and begin dragging him towards the lounge room behind the kitchen. "You and I gotta talk." There were just so many things he still wanted to know, and Gajeel knew he wasn't going to get half of those answers when the guy was still around Lucy.
Besides, Levy probably had her own questions for Lucy, and Gajeel would no doubt get those from her when they went back to the guild, so all was good.
Bickslow slid the glass door closed behind himself once out on the covered back deck, and he wrapped his arms around himself to run his hands up and down his arms. It had started raining again, apparently, and he was freezing standing outside. The hooded jacket he had on over the long-sleeved shirt just wasn't even close to being enough, and he most definitely did not want to be having to stand outside. "Why the hell did you drag me out here?"
Gajeel was still grinning like a madman as he said, "I want you to spill."
"Spill?"
"About you and Bunny."
Bickslow scoffed and sat himself down on one of the chairs at the outdoor table. "Yeah, how about no." Why would he tell Gajeel about that? That's just weird, and regardless, Bickslow didn't think Lucy would want him talking about it. Hell, Bickslow didn't even know what there was to talk about!
"You know Laxus really is gonna kill you if he finds out though, right?" Gajeel pointed out once again. He didn't care if Bickslow didn't want to talk – he wanted to talk about it. He wanted to know everything.
Well… Maybe not quite everything.
"And that's precisely why he isn't going to find out," the Seith mage grumbled before looking to the side and adding quietly, "But even if he did somehow find out, because, I mean, the fucker knows basically everything…" And Bickslow was constantly wondering if it was a Dragon Slayer thing. "You don't think he'll be that mad, do you?"
Gajeel shrugged.
"'Cause, you know," Bickslow continued, "They've been broken up since, like, Valentine's Day. And he's sort of dating Cana now, anyway. So, I mean, surely if I did happen to…" He cleared his throat, "Maybe, possibly, like her or something—and I'm not saying I do because, c'mon, no."
"Sure you don't."
"But, you know…" He had moved on to making vague hand gestures by then, and Gajeel couldn't help but snicker at the man. "Hypothetically? Theoretically? I don't fucking know, but whatever. Even if he did find out, surely he wouldn't actually try to kill me, right?"
Because it really had been a long time since Lucy had dated Laxus, and as far as he could tell, it had been a pretty good break up (though to him, it had been fucking wonderful and he still wasn't even mad he'd sacrificed his Valentine's Day to get drunk on a rooftop with Lucy, because really, who the fuck breaks up with someone on February 13?). So really, if Laxus did happen to find out about them or it or anything to do with them at all, would it really be the end of the world? Surely there was a time frame on bro code issues…
And really, Bickslow was only caring about it since Lucy was involved. He hadn't cared about Cana, but it wasn't exactly like they'd ever dated – it had just been sex whenever they wanted some fun. He could admit that it was a little odd that he was only caring about what Laxus would think just because it was Lucy, but it wasn't exactly something he wanted to be thinking about, either. So he mostly tried not to.
Thinking only ever got him into trouble.
"Well," Gajeel sighed, "I guess it depends."
"On what?"
"On whether or not you're gonna be her boyfriend."
"Um, no." No, no, no. Nope. Never. Nuh-uh. "That would never happen," Bickslow mumbled. Maybe? No. Never. Of course not. Don't be stupid and let the sleep deprivation get to you.
Gajeel arched a pierced eyebrow at the Seith mage. "So you don't want it to happen?" Then Bickslow hesitated and only opened his mouth to clamp it shut again and Gajeel had to chuckle quietly to himself again. "So what, you like her now or something?"
"No."
"No?"
"I don't know," he admitted reluctantly. Because, well… It was the truth. Kind of. He was just so confused, and the babies were most definitely not helping – honestly, if they claimed that he was in love with her one more time, he was going to burn their wooden bodies that they really did love and let them all go to become pets of some evil Seith mage.
But even when he was slightly confused about how he might or might not actually feel (he was trying to blame it on the lack of sleep), Bickslow knew for certain that he was most definitely not in love with her. That was gross. And impossible. He might like her just a little bit, sure; even he would admit (reluctantly) that he probably cared about her just a little too much. But still, it was more confusion than anything.
And it had all started with that goddamn motherfucking kiss and he was still trying to figure out what the hell was different, because something most definitely was. He didn't get nervous around people, yet he was kind of nervous around Lucy now, and he was most definitely wanting to be on his best behaviour (or something close to it), and not so much because of her conditions.
"I just… don't know," he said again.
"How can you not know?"
"It's complicated."
"Try me."
Bickslow huffed a laugh and glanced back to the Dragon Slayer. "You really want to know?" He figured Gajeel would try and get it out of him either way, just because the guy had some kind of need to know absolutely everything about everyone. And besides, the only people he'd talked to all week were Lucy, a newborn who most definitely did not give advice (she was a good listener though), and his neighbour Vanessa for all of fifteen minutes combined. He kind of wanted to talk to Gajeel right then because really, guys having girl talk was nice sometimes.
…Not a lot of the time, but sometimes, because guys had feelings too.
And Gajeel really did want to know, so he leant forward to put his elbows on the glass table and his chin in his hands and said, "Tell me everything."
Lucy looked up when Bickslow came back inside with Gajeel following behind him, and strangely, with a smirk that made her shiver – that was his 'I know something you wish I didn't know' smirk, and, well… Lucy really did wish that whatever it was he now did know because of Bickslow (that much was a given), he didn't know. She assumed that Bickslow really had told Gajeel probably too much, but it wasn't like she hadn't told Levy just as much, because she had. The woman had been graced with a gift of being able to get information out of people, and Lucy figured that it was probably because one of her best friends was Gajeel. There were, of course, some things she hadn't told Levy, because they were the kind of things that were most definitely too personal to share, even with best friends. But most of it, like from how Bickslow now had Scarlett and how Lucy was involved with it, and how Lucy wasn't quite sure just how she actually felt about Bickslow now, Levy now knew.
Bickslow went straight for the blonde once he was inside, and he held his arms out for his daughter once he was in front of her. "She good?" he asked.
Lucy nodded as she carefully handed Scarlett to the Seith mage. "I think so."
"Good, good…" He disappeared down the hall then, leaving the other three in his living room in an awkward silence, and came out just another moment later with a much warmer jacket on over his other one. "Now, uh, I've got some stuff I need to do in a little bit since there's a break in the weather, so it's probably just easier if you all go now."
"You're going out?" Lucy asked.
"Mm. I want to take Scout to get a check-up."
"Wait, Scout?" Levy chimed in. "I thought her name was Scarlett."
Bickslow rubbed at his forehead. "It is," he groaned. He just still could not get Scout out of his head for the life of him, and he still had no idea why. At that point, he was just going to roll with it. It's not like Scarlett knew her name anyway, so where was the harm in her having a nickname? And Scout was a nice nickname, thank you very much. At least if you asked him, anyway. "Just… don't worry about that.
"Did you, um, want me to go with you?" Lucy asked.
"No," Bickslow answered quickly – so quickly that even Gajeel was looking a little surprised.
"O-Oh… Okay." Well, this is embarrassing. She had just expected Bickslow to want her there for some reason, since she'd been helping him with practically everything else during the week. "I see."
Gajeel couldn't stop himself from quietly snickering before Levy had to drag him through the door she held open. "Ooh, does this sound like trouble in paradise?" he teased. The slap from Levy before she grabbed his jacket and tugged him out of the door, as well as the undignified squawk from Lucy, and the death stare that Bickslow gave him, were all worth saying it. He couldn't miss an opportunity to tease them about whatever it was that was now apparently going on, though, could he?
Of course he couldn't.
There was just no scenario that existed where Gajeel wasn't going to tease one of his best friends and one of his closest friends (well, Lucy was his best friend's best friend, so by default that meant Lucy was one of his closest friends) about the fact that they were probably into each other now. How that had even happened, he still had no idea, but he was most definitely curious to see just whether or not Bickslow would manage to come out of everything alive. If anything, Gajeel was more interested in the fact that he liked Lucy, more than the whole thing where he now had a kid – which, sure, was pretty fucking strange and he couldn't really get his head around it.
But the fact that Bickslow could actually possibly care about Lucy, when he had said on multiple occasions that he would sooner move back home (whatever the hell that meant, though Gajeel just assumed the guy hated his parents or something) before he'd ever manage to develop feelings for one Celestial mage, was more than a little entertaining.
Once the door was closed and Gajeel and Levy were no doubt back off to the guild and gossiping to each other just like they did most days, Lucy stood up and reached for the sweater she'd pulled off. It was strangely a lot more awkward now that the other two weren't there (or teasing them, for whatever reason), and Lucy couldn't quite place why. So maybe it was a good thing that Bickslow didn't need her right then to take Scarlett for a check-up, since the awkward air that was now seemingly surrounding them was quite uncomfortable.
"So, uh," She paused to clear her throat. "You're taking Scarlett to get a check-up?"
"Yeah. I just want to make sure she's actually okay so far, you know?" he answered. "I mean, I don't know if anything happened to, um…"
"Her mother? Lucy guessed. Bickslow nodded. "Katie."
"Yeah, her." Not that Bickslow actually cared what her name was. "I don't know if anything happened to her when she was pregnant with Sco—Scarlett. Or if there were like, any complications or any other problems or shit like that, so I just want to make sure she's okay." After all, he was the one that was responsible for her, and aside from the fact that he wanted to make sure that he wasn't fucking it up already, he really did want to make sure that there wasn't anything else he needed to know or worry about. A visit to a paediatrician was really just a win for the both of them, he figured.
"I'm sure she's perfectly fine."
Bickslow shrugged. "Still wouldn't hurt to find out."
"Fair enough," Lucy agreed. Though she really was sure that his daughter was perfectly fine. "Will you be fine though?"
He glanced over his shoulder from where he was by the bookshelf next to the lounge, busy looking for his keys that he had misplaced. Realising that he couldn't do a very good job of searching for something small, he turned and handed the infant to the blonde just behind him. "Hold her for a sec," he mumbled before turning back to look into the decorative bowls and boxes on various shelves. "And what do you mean?"
"Well, I just know that you wanted to kind of give yourself a little bit of time to get used to things with Scarlett," she began slowly, and just following the Seith mage around the living area as he continued to search for his keys. "And I know you wanted to wait until your team was back before you told anyone, too, though I am so, so sorry that Gajeel and Levy followed me here…"
"It's fine." Sort of. It didn't really matter, he supposed – all that did matter and all that was important right then was that they didn't tell anyone. Except I totally forgot to ask them to keep quiet… Fuck. He made a mental note to call Gajeel later, just in case he did decide to talk to someone.
Like Mira, for example.
Or even his girlfriend, Juvia, although Bickslow wasn't entirely sure if they were even talking to each other that week.
"Still," Lucy continued. "There's a chance someone from the guild could see you with her, and if that gets back to the guild…"
Found them! Bickslow pocketed his keys and quickly turned to grab his compact communications lacrima from the coffee table, and pocketed that, too, then took Scarlett back from Lucy and adjusted his hold on her carefully until she was cradled in one arm. "Ideally, sure, I'd want to stay here for the next week until they're back," he admitted. "But I can't really do that. I've got shit to do, and I can't just hide out here because I'm too scared of, I don't know, facing my responsibilities, or the guild finding out." He was just a little scared of the guild finding out before he was wanting them to, but it wasn't like it was something he could avoid forever.
"I suppose that's true," she sighed. They were outside then, and Bickslow was locking the door behind him, though Lucy was only giving him a strange look. All he had was his keys, lacrima, and his daughter. The babies were twirling around him and herself, as they'd come to do a lot during the week. "Wait… You're leaving now?"
"Yeah?"
"…Like that?"
Bickslow glanced down at himself before looking up, his brow furrowing. "Cosplayer, I have no idea what you're trying to say right now." Seriously, he had no idea. He'd showered and changed after she'd left that morning, so it wasn't a case where he'd forgotten to get out of his pyjama pants. Scarlett was dressed in the appropriate amount of layers, and he had everything he needed. Well, he hoped so, anyway.
She fought to roll her eyes as she stated, "You're going out, and you're taking your two-week-old daughter." Bickslow just nodded and waited for her to continue. "Don't you think you maybe want to take a few other things with you? Like, I don't know… Diapers? Some spare clothes for her too?"
"Oh." Right. Bickslow could see the logic in that, because depending on how busy the doctor was, he could probably end up just sitting in a waiting room for a while, and… He grimaced at the thought of things getting quite… messy. He didn't want to deal with how disgusting Scarlett could in fact be at the best of times, but when he wasn't even at home? That was an epic nightmare he didn't want to have to experience. "Okay, but, how exactly do you expect me to carry all of that?"
"It's called a diaper bag, and you already bought one."
"I did?"
"Yes, you did," Lucy sighed. "Because you whined for half an hour about how they all looked too 'feminine' or 'stupid' until you found the black leather one, which is basically just a messenger bag with a few more pockets inside, might I add."
Bickslow remembered that now. But really, all of the ones in the store had just been so stupid looking or pink and flowery or spotty and most definitely for mothers, which he most definitely was not. He'd actually had to compromise with Lucy on what he'd ended up buying – which, he would admit, really was a glorified messenger bag. But it was black, and it looked kinda cool and pretty normal from the outside, and it didn't make him feel like so much of a dork. Then again, he'd never actually used it in the week he had been a parent because he hadn't had a reason to, so there was a good chance he still probably looked stupid with it. He'd never even liked using bags to begin with, having always opted to just carry his things (which was pretty much just his wallet and keys) or shove them in his pockets.
Though Bickslow did know that this was one particular bag he couldn't really avoid using.
Well, when he remembered where it was, anyway. "Uh, well… Any chance you know where it is, too?" he asked with a sheepish grin.
Lucy did roll her eyes then, though she couldn't stop the small twitch of her lips that made her almost smile. She wasn't supposed to be smiling, damn it! "In her nursery, and inside the wardrobe," she answered softly. "I packed it for you, too. Though, most of the things in there you shouldn't need – at least not today."
"Ah, you're amazing." She was like, his favourite person in the entire universe, apart from himself and his daughter, of course. But she was super amazing. She was like, the Amazing Cosplayer… Aaand here comes the sleep deprivation brain again. But she was still amazing, and he assumed it was probably part of the reason he wanted her around so much…
Just… not so much right then, admittedly. Because he couldn't really think about her when she was right there, and he really wanted to think about her. Or, well, he needed to think about her, actually, because he was just so confused, and Bickslow didn't like being confused – especially when it came down to whether or not he did actually like Lucy more than he should.
But calling her amazing really just made it uncomfortable again, and he remembered just how weird it actually was now. Though why, he had no idea. So he cleared his throat and looked away – holy shit, is she blushing now?! – and grabbed his keys from his pocket again. "U-Uh, well, thank you," he mumbled. Oh so awkward… Why so awkward?! "I guess I'll just, uh, go and get that…"
"Yeah," Lucy murmured. She was taking that as her cue to leave, and honestly, she was glad she wasn't needed right then. She couldn't handle the awkwardness. Stepping down from the small covered porch, she smiled and lifted her hand in a small wave before turning. "Well, I'll see you… whenever, I suppose." Lucy doubted she'd come back later in the day, and she wasn't quite sure if she would come over the next day either, because really, it wasn't like he needed her…
It was nice being there though. But it wasn't necessary anymore.
"Yeah, whenever."
"Well, see you!" Lucy beamed all of a sudden, and Bickslow only mumbled the same as he retreated back inside.
Bickslow was anxious.
That was a feeling he really didn't like, and maybe the worst part about him feeling anxious right then (apart from the fact that he was actually anxious), was that it was because of something really, really strange.
It was because he hadn't talked to Lucy or seen her since the previous morning, when she was leaving and he was heading out to take Scarlett to the paediatrician. Where his daughter was concerned, all things were fine, which did wonders for his confidence – something he'd been severely lacking for the last week.
But where Lucy was concerned, on the other hand… Things were most definitely not fine. Or, really, he wasn't fine. The poor Seith mage was still just so confused about his feelings, and that was something that had never happened before. He honestly just didn't even know what to do with himself, because he was simultaneously telling himself he was insane and telling the babies to shut up and leave him alone (for which he apologised instantly and gave them lots of cuddles because he never really meant to snap at them), and also worrying about how much of a horrible idea them sleeping together really was, because he had a feeling it had just made things worse.
It wasn't like he could blame it on being drunk, because he hadn't been. He'd been too sober for that. He couldn't even really blame Lucy for it, either. Sure, she'd kind of started the entire thing by kissing him then, but it wasn't like he hadn't had the chance to leave it as just a kiss. He couldn't have done that, though. Bickslow had no concept of self-control, and he had most definitely had no intentions of stopping her, anyway. So he couldn't blame Lucy for it.
And hell, if anything, he could blame himself for all of it, too. The weirdness. The awkwardness. The uncomfortableness. He could blame himself and put it all down to that first time he had kissed her, because he seemed to realise that that was where everything had fucked up. How just a simple kiss (though admittedly really fucking great, for just a kiss) could have caused so much… damage – he had absolutely no idea. He just knew that somehow, that was why things were different, and if Bickslow had to be perfectly honest, he almost didn't want to know why, because he was worried about what the actual reason would be. He knew it was weird, that was for sure.
Still, though… He was just so anxious that day. He didn't want things to be weird between them, because Lucy really did mean a lot to him, and it wasn't entirely because she really was amazing and he was so thankful for everything she'd done in the last week – Bickslow really did have no idea where he would be right then if it weren't for her helping him. She meant a lot to him because she was, first and foremost, his friend, and as loud and outgoing as he was, he didn't have that many friends. Not ones like Lucy, anyway.
He'd never really had that many close friends though. Not growing up, because he'd really only had his brother, even though he hadn't been born until Bickslow was seven. There was the odd kid that his parents' friends had, but it wasn't like they were Bickslow's friends. He really just saw them when their parents had business matters to attend to, and Bickslow had never really gotten along with any of them, especially since they'd all been older or younger than him by a few years.
But then there'd been the guild and his team. Even then, he wasn't the most sociable, and he'd only really let a select few in, aside from the rest of the Raijinshuu and Laxus. He had friends within the guild, sure, but ones he cared about and saw as his family – there weren't many. Lucy was one of them though, and she had been for a while.
Bickslow didn't want to lose that, too. He'd lost her as a friend once before because of Laxus, though this time, Bickslow was just worried he'd done that himself. And since he hadn't seen her since the previous day, he was a little scared that all of that weirdness and confusion that was now between them was why Lucy wasn't there right then. And, well… He was a little anxious because he missed her, too. More than he should, anyway.
Though whether it was just because he'd gotten used to her being there all day over the last week, or it was because of that strange feeling where he almost felt like he needed her to be there just so he didn't feel so panicked or anxious, he didn't know.
He hoped it was the former. The latter was something he was too scared to delve in to.
So he just sighed and laid down on the floor in his lounge room in front of Scarlett and leant on one elbow. He had a soft toy in his other hand – a polar bear, actually – and was letting her try and grab it every now and then, between trying to tickle her cheek or her feet with it. If it was one thing Bickslow had realised over the last week, it was that babies were boring. At least at that age, anyway. He didn't do much other than just talk to her or cuddle her – which, honestly, he loved doing.
…Apart from when he'd fallen asleep with her on the lounge the previous evening and she'd squirmed so much when she'd woken up that he'd kind of dropped her. That hadn't been fun. But she was fine – or at least, he hoped she was. Bickslow had considered calling Lucy after that, just because he'd been panicking and freaking out about whether or not she'd been really hurt. He hadn't called her though, obviously.
"Okay, but seriously," Bickslow suddenly began as he sat up and then set down Scarlett in front of his crossed legs again, and continued the polar bear treatment somewhat absentmindedly. "What exactly am I going to do?"
Scarlett only turned her head slightly to look up at him – she at least somewhat acknowledged him, and she would occasionally focus on his face if he was close enough, but it was mostly just because she was learning to recognise his voice, he thought. It wasn't like she understood him, though, which was fine.
"I mean, even if I do like Cosplayer, which I probably do because I mean, she's great, and who wouldn't like her, you know?"
'Well, probably anyone with a brain would be smart enough not to like her,' is what Bickslow liked to think Scarlett would say. Which made perfect sense, of course, because it wasn't like Bickslow was severely lacking in that department or anything…
He was, of course, because he was having a 'conversation' with his two-week-old daughter about his non-existent love life.
"Aside from the fact that I obviously don't have a brain," Bickslow continued, all while continuing to make weird faces and poke his tongue out at said daughter and let her grab the polar bear. "It's not like I have any reason to not like her, either. Again, aside from the lack-of-brain thing. Like really, she's great. And so awesome."
She also dated Laxus, which makes her completely off-limits to you.
"I suppose Spark Plug dating her makes things difficult…" he mused. "Then again, I guess there's also the fact that she's Cosplayer, and I'm me, and… And she wouldn't like me anyway. Right?"
Right.
Bickslow sighed. "Right." Of course she wouldn't like him. "So even if I do like her, it's not like she likes me too, you know? So, I mean, I don't even understand why I'm getting so worked up about all of this. Nothing can come out of it, obviously, and even if she did like me, which she doesn't, it's not like we could actually date or anything anyway. Since, you know, I've got you now so it's not like I have time to have a relationship." Wait, do I even want a relationship? Fuck. Stop thinking. "And even if I did want one, it's not like Lucy would want a boyfriend who had a kid anyway. So really, the best thing for me to do is just get the fuck over—"
"Bix?"
His head snapped up when he heard Lucy's voice from the other room and his front door close. As Bickslow scrambled up from the ground, picking up Scarlett and the polar bear carefully and quickly, he didn't quite know if he felt better or worse, now that Lucy was over. The scary part was that he thought he almost felt better – not quite as anxious, and he felt a lot calmer and… happier, almost?
Bickslow didn't want to think about that though.
"Hey!" Oh Jesus. Calm down, moron. Stop being so excited. He couldn't help smiling brightly as he came out into the kitchen to see the blonde standing by the door and shrugging off her jacket – he always had the heating on a lot higher than she was used to.
"You seem to be in a good mood today," she mused.
Bickslow shrugged. He was now, strangely, but he hadn't really been before. "I guess," he mumbled. Though really, he was just happy Lucy was there. Lucy visiting again – though later than what she was usually there, considering it was a little after noon – had to be a good sign; hopefully it meant things weren't completely ruined. "U-Um, how are you?"
"I'm good, I'm good…" Though truthfully, Lucy was sure she was a little better, having decided to actually visit Bickslow that day. She'd been a little hesitant to, since she hadn't really known if Bickslow would want her there since he obviously didn't need her help anymore, but sitting at the guild that morning had just felt almost wrong. She'd been more uncomfortable in the guild with her team than she had in Bickslow's living room with Gajeel and Levy the day before. So she really would be lying if she said she didn't enjoy spending time with Bickslow, because she really did. Too much, if anything. "How was Scarlett's check-up yesterday?"
"It was good. Doc said she's fine, though he doesn't know anything about her mother or if there were any problems from like, the birth, but he said not to worry about it so I suppose that's a good thing."
"That is a good thing."
"Mm, true," Bickslow hummed. He wasn't quite sure what to say then, to be perfectly honest. He wasn't sure if Lucy had heard any of what he'd been saying to Scarlett, though he assumed not since he figured she'd be a little more uncomfortable if she had, so that had to be a good thing, too. Still… He was sure he would say something stupid if he didn't actually watch his mouth, which was something he rarely did, but saying something stupid was the last thing he wanted to do.
Now the only problem Bickslow faced, apart from actually finding a way to destroy his slightly disgusting and romantic feelings for her (which he assumed were to blame for him feeling really, really funny right then, and being incredibly nervous), was how he would act normal around her and make things more comfortable and less awkward for the both of them.
"But, um." He came back down the hall after setting Scarlett in the bassinet in his room with the babies watching her – she'd been getting fussy and tired again anyway, though it was a miracle she hadn't cried that time – and asked, "Are you… Are you hungry?"
Lucy shrugged and sat down at the counter. "I suppose so." She'd only had breakfast at home before going to the guild, and she really did love the chef in front of her. "What are you going to make for lunch today?"
"Uh, well that depends."
"On what?"
"If you want to stay for dinner or not, too," he mumbled. She stayed every other night, which meant he was used to making her breakfast, lunch, dinner, and even dessert occasionally (though he wasn't good at things like that so it had only been twice he'd made a dessert of sorts). He didn't mind it, either – hell, he actually liked being able to cook for someone else that wasn't his team, and honestly, Lucy's reactions to each dish he made her were so worth it. "I mean, you don't have to if you don't want to, because I mean, you probably do have other things to be doing now since you've basically been here all week and all," he continued, clearing his throat. "But what I make now depends on whether you want to stay for dinner or not, since what I was going to make can work for either."
"So if I don't stay for dinner, you'll make whatever it is you're planning for lunch. But if I do stay, you'll cook that for dinner and do something else for lunch?" she asked.
Bickslow nodded. "Pretty much."
Lucy pursed her lips and considered it. Really, it was just food, so that wasn't what she cared about that. Literally anything Bickslow made, she loved – that much she already knew. It was about whether or not she wanted to spend the entire afternoon there, and she kinda did, even though she was just waiting for things to get awkward again. For now, though, they weren't, so she was going to enjoy that, because until things got awkward again, she could just ignore the oh so horrible butterflies. She didn't like butterflies, nor did she like the strange calm that settled in her chest, but she was going to ignore that until the end of time. "I'll stay," she said after a moment with a smile before asking again, "So what are you going to make for lunch?"
Things didn't get awkward again until around dinner. Lunch – which was spicy chicken wraps – had unsurprisingly made Lucy wonder why the fact that Bickslow was really good at cooking wasn't something more people knew. She was sure the guild would be wanting him to run the bar and the kitchen if they knew how good he was. Lucy did, however, want to find out just how he'd gotten so good – she just kept forgetting to ask.
But by dinner, Lucy realised she'd probably missed her chance to do so that day, because things got weird once again. She wasn't quite sure how they had, because they'd just been watching movies all afternoon (or really it had been lunch, then a horror movie that had had Lucy glad it was still light out, then play time with Scarlett after she woke up, then one of Lucy's favourite movies that Bickslow had fallen asleep during), so it wasn't like they'd done much or even really talked.
Yet it had just gradually continued to grow more awkward without her really noticing that much – not until the silence became so uncomfortable, anyway, and Lucy just had to break it, even though it would probably just make things worse.
"Are we… okay?"
Bickslow only glanced towards her as he stood in front of the fridge, beginning to pull out everything he needed to get dinner organised. Bickslow had to admit he wasn't surprised Lucy was asking that, because it was a question that really had been coming, and even if Lucy had been the one to ask it, Bickslow had most definitely been thinking it.
If he had to be honest, though, he had absolutely no idea how to answer it. He wanted to say that they were okay – because really, as vague as the question sounded, he knew exactly what it was about – because he felt that would just make things easier. But then again, Bickslow didn't want to lie and say that it was, because really, they weren't. At least not the way that he saw things, anyway.
He wanted them to be though. Things really would be so much easier if they were okay. If he hadn't let his stupid feelings get involved, he was sure things would be fine, too, just because he wouldn't have a reason to be so goddamn awkward and nervous. He hadn't let his feelings get involved when he'd been sleeping with Cana, and things with her were still great!
But still, just how was Bickslow going to answer that question without actually acknowledging how not okay things really were or lying? He wasn't, obviously. Though maybe, to get past this stupid weirdness, the weirdness must be acknowledged… "U-Um, well…" He cleared his throat as he slowly aligned all of the ingredients on the bench. "Things are kinda weird now, I guess…"
"So I'm not the only one that thinks that?" she mumbled.
Bickslow shrugged. He couldn't even believe it was turning into a conversation, but he knew he couldn't really get himself out of it now. The weirdness had to be acknowledged – though the babies were most definitely glad for that.
"So…"
"So we should just… acknowledge it and move past it," Bickslow suggested.
Lucy nodded. "Right. Because, I mean, there's no reason for us to be weird around each other, because it's not like us sleeping together actually meant anything."
"Oh, of course," he agreed. Nope. It meant nothing at all. Absolutely nothing. "And, you know, it's not like it would ever happen again, anyway, so we really do have no reason to even be weird about it." He moved on to vague hand gestures between grabbing bowls and pans from cupboards as he added, "So we had sex – no big deal. People do that all the time. It's not like anything is different between us because of it."
I wish that were true. Just like she wished that having the most awkward conversation she'd ever had in her entire life (including the horrible one from her first date with Laxus, which had honestly just been a disaster) would make things less weird and makes things go back to normal. And Lucy still hated that they were even talking about it at all, but she really had felt like they needed to. "Right," she said again. "Because it was just a one-time thing, because we're just friends and friends don't sleep together."
"Nope."
"So… We just… acknowledge it and move on."
Bickslow nodded. "It happened. No more weirdness," he said. "That's it. And… We should also stop talking about it because, you know, it's kind of weird as shit."
"True, sorry," Lucy mumbled.
"And," He cleared his throat. "We should also most definitely not let Laxus find out. Because, yeah, I really don't want to be fucking murdered any time soon."
It wasn't like Lucy had any intentions of letting Laxus find out, though she knew that Bickslow wanted Laxus to not find out for a different reason than what she did. Not that that mattered, of course. Still, Lucy wanted that conversation to be over as much as Bickslow did, so she only smiled softly and asked once again, "No more weirdness. So we're good?"
"'Course."
"Liar," the babies sang in his head.
Lucy still knew otherwise, because she seemed to know that them actually sleeping together wasn't even the weirdest part of it all – things had been different before then. But… Lucy didn't want to think about that. That was something she didn't want to acknowledge. She just wanted to move past it and forget it was even there, and she just really, really hoped things would just go back to normal on their own. The less she had to deal with, the better.
Though, on the other hand, Lucy did have to admit things didn't feel quite so uncomfortable right then. Which was great, considering all things. "But anyway," she suddenly began again, deciding it was time to change the topic – finally. "What are you making?"
Oh, thank god. He'd needed that subject change. "Um, fettuccine," he answered. "With chicken and mushroom." They'd had chicken for lunch, sure, but Bickslow didn't care. He hoped Lucy didn't either.
"Sounds good," she sighed. "But hey, I've been meaning to ask you something." Bickslow only glanced up as he kept dicing up the bacon on the board in front of him. "How is it you're so good at cooking?" And she really had been curious, and she was glad she'd had the opportunity to finally ask him. Lucy would be the first to admit she was useless – especially compared to Bickslow. She'd grown up having everything just handed to her quite literally on a silver platter. She hadn't had to do anything for herself until she'd moved out on her own at seventeen, and the first time she'd tried making herself something for dinner, it had ended in disaster.
She'd improved over the years though, of course. She'd pretty much had no choice considering Natsu was more than capable of eating his weight in food multiple times a day… But she was still horrible. And, since Bickslow had grown up like she had, she was curious.
"My dad taught me."
"Really?"
"Mm-hmm. He used to have this café in Bosco before he moved to Fiore."
"Wait, so the Redfarrows aren't from Fiore? I thought they were," Lucy said.
"No, they are…" Bickslow answered, moving the diced bacon aside to make room on the chopping board. "But the Therouxes aren't, which is what my dad is, and, technically, the other part of my name."
Lucy's eyebrow raised as she watched his hands. She was getting confused, because even knowing barely anything about his actual family, she'd thought she'd known all she'd needed to know. Lucy was sure she had met his father at one point too, when she'd still been a teenager, though she couldn't recall ever hearing that name. "So you're actually a Redfarrow-Theroux?"
"Yup."
"…But you only put Redfarrow on Scarlett's birth certificate."
Bickslow shrugged. "So what?"
"It's a legal document, Bickslow…" she explained. "Even if she's just going to have Redfarrow as her surname, as long as yours is legally Redfarrow-Theroux, you should have that written on it, too."
"Really?" the Seith mage sighed. It wasn't like he used his name for anything (barely anyone knew it, anyway), and even then, the only reason he had two last names was because his father hadn't wanted his name to be completely lost since his mother's name, Redfarrow, was the one that needed to be passed on. On paper, he was a Redfarrow-Theroux, but that was it. He had rarely ever been actually referred to as that in the eighteen years he'd spent there, so he just hadn't really thought it would be that big of a deal if he just put the name he'd grown up being called and referred to on his daughter's paperwork.
She nodded. "It might be best if you try and get that sorted out as soon as you can."
"Fine, fine. I'll do it during the week," he mumbled.
"So anyway," Lucy began again. "So your father had a café in Bosco?"
"Oh. Yeah. Before he moved here and met my mother," he responded. "And he had another smaller one here for a little while too, I think, but then he had to sell it when they were going to get married since my grandparents were wanting him to help with the railway business, and they wanted Mum to focus more on the whole family and kids thing."
"So your dad married into that world?"
"Yup. Anyway, so, after he had to sell his café and after he moved into the estate, I guess he didn't really like having everyone do everything for him, you know? 'Cause he didn't come from that type of family so he wasn't used to it either, but since my grandparents were still there then too, there wasn't much he could do for a while. But, they apparently came to some kind of agreement after a little while, and Dad was allowed to cook and do whatever he wanted in the kitchens, and the chefs were only there some of the time, from what I got told. And then whenever he wasn't working, he was cooking, and he let me help him sometimes when I was really young, and then when my brother was old enough, Dad let him help, too."
Lucy smiled. "That sounds really nice."
"I guess so," he sighed. "Though, really, I kind of just made a mess of things because I was still figuring out the entire soul possession thing and I was putting the babies' souls into practically everything and… they weren't exactly the most cooperative back then."
"And they're cooperative now?" she scoffed.
"Yes!" two of them cheered from where they were, flying around the light fixtures in the kitchen.
Bickslow rolled his eyes. Cooperative was a word he saved for when they had their good days, which wasn't very often. "But anyway," he continued, moving onto the mushrooms after he finished with the onion and put in in a bowl. "I know how to cook because Dad taught me, and it's fun.
"Well, he did a good job of teaching you. I'm pretty sure if you were running your own café or restaurant, I'd be there every day."
"I'll be sure to let him know his efforts were not wasted then," he chuckled. As he turned to the stove, his back now to her, he only added over his shoulder, "He'd probably enjoy knowing that the woman who was supposed to have been his daughter-in-law is a fan of his son's cooking." Bickslow knew he wasn't supposed to be bringing that up again, but he just hadn't been able to help himself that time, even if it was probably a horrible time to say something like that.
Lucy only shook her head, though she couldn't stop herself from smirking. "I know you wouldn't actually say that, so hush. But… Does that mean you'll actually be visiting your parents? I mean, they do deserve to at least know they have a granddaughter."
"I know," Bickslow sighed. "Though, I mean, they already have one, because Lex—"
"Lex?"
"Alex. My brother," he clarified before continuing, "Has a daughter. She's… four now? I think? I can't really remember. But, yeah, I know I need to tell them, I'm just not looking forward to it. I'm supposed to be going back for a few weeks at Christmas, so I suppose they'll find out about Scarlett then." Bickslow usually spent the holidays of every second year with his family, just because it was the only time he saw them. Three, sometimes four weeks pretending to be someone he wasn't – it was always great fun.
Though, even if he didn't like that world, they were still his family, and aside from the fact that he got to be the annoying older brother to the sibling (who was, in fact, technically now older than him, thanks to Tenrou and a stupid dragon that Bickslow hoped to never see again) he had never really wanted once he'd come to actually exist, Bickslow still did love them all. His parents had come to accept he wasn't going to ever go home and stay there for good. Though, like any family, they really did drive him up the wall, and he was incredibly prone to migraines and horrible headaches whenever he went home for the holidays, so that was why it was only a few weeks every second year.
He could just never really stay in that world for long, now that he'd been out of it for a long time.
"I don't think you need to worry about them reacting badly, if that is what you're worried about," Lucy offered.
"Kinda, I suppose. It's just because I know they'll be disappointed in me because of it, but they already are disappointed in me, so whatever. I guess it doesn't matter."
Lucy couldn't even think of anything else to say before Scarlett's crying drifted down the hall. It didn't surprise Lucy that she had woken up since she'd been napping for a couple of hours (she was very good at sleeping, apparently). Bickslow only sighed and took a step back from the stove, but Lucy got up much faster than he could turn, and she was quickly skipping towards the hall with a smile. "No, it's okay. I've got her!" Bickslow opened his mouth to no doubt tell her he could do it, since it was his kid after all, but she only looked over her shoulder before she was out of sight and added, "This is me helping you."
It was a win for both of them, really. Bickslow got to keep cooking, and Lucy got to cuddle Scarlett (which she really, really loved) and take care of her while Bickslow got dinner organised. It was just a little too domestic, which really didn't make the situation with them any easier, but Lucy didn't really mind that much right then.
She'd gotten too attached to Scarlett to care about that.
"Oh, there's one more thing before I go."
Bickslow looked back towards Lucy who was stepping back from the bassinet after putting Scarlett back down in it, from where he stood in the wardrobe. It was late, and he was exhausted, and now that his daughter was hopefully going to be asleep for the next few hours, he was most definitely going to try and get a little sleep. "Hm?"
"I'm leaving tomorrow morning," Lucy said. It was just a little strange that Bickslow was basically standing in front of her while changing, but… It wasn't like it was that big of a deal, either. If Bickslow cared, he wasn't showing it, so she wasn't going to care, either. "For a job."
"…Oh."
"It's just for a few days though. Three at most."
He shrugged as he pulled the striped jumper on over his head. "Okay then." Bickslow had to admit he was just a little (strangely) disappointed that she'd be leaving for a few days, but he didn't quite know why. Maybe it was just because he liked the company, as weird as things were. Or maybe it would be because the place would be too quiet with her not there all day, or maybe it was just because he really did like her being there too much.
It wasn't like he could ask her to stay though. Part of him wanted to, and Bickslow had a feeling it was the same part of him that had felt like he actually needed Lucy just a few days earlier when things had started getting strange, but just like he knew it was a horrible idea to think too much about all of that again, because he knew Lucy was aware of how different things actually were, he knew he couldn't ask her to stay, either.
That just wasn't fair. She'd been there for basically a week as it was – she probably wanted to go, too, because Bickslow knew people could very easily get sick of him if they spent too much time with him. He was aware of that.
Besides, even if Bickslow could get her to stay and even if she did want to, there was no way she could come up with an excuse for her team. He didn't even want to know just how many excuses she could have come up with during the week to explain not being in the guild all the time. No matter how he looked at it, Bickslow just couldn't ask her to stay.
And even then, maybe a few days away would sort out the weirdness, and maybe whatever it was that had changed between them would stop being a something, which still terrified him more than it should.
"I mean, I would stay," Lucy mumbled. "But, you know, not everyone owns their home. Got rent to pay and all."
She followed him out into the living room again to get her coat and bag to leave, and she fought to hide how strangely disappointed she was that he hadn't asked her if she had to go on that job. Lucy hadn't even realised she'd been expecting it and hoping for it until then, though there wasn't anything she could do about that, she supposed. She still had to go though, just because she really did need to pay her rent and she hadn't been on a job for the last nearly three weeks.
"And besides," she continued. "You don't even really need me here anymore, anyway."
"Well, I wouldn't exactly say that," Bickslow muttered. Though, then again, him needing her there was really for a different reason now. She was more calming to him than helpful with Scarlett (which she still was, of course). It was odd, although Bickslow wondered if Lucy was aware of that, too.
"I'm sure you'll survive."
"Probably. I might even manage to not drop her again, too."
She raised an eyebrow as she looked over her shoulder by the door. "Wait, you dropped her?"
"Uh… I wasn't supposed to say that," he mumbled. His brain-to-mouth filter was non-existent even at the best of times, which was really a horrible thing, but when he was probably going to fall straight asleep as soon as his head hit his pillow, it didn't exist at all. And really, the last thing he needed was Lucy thinking he was the worst parent on the planet. He already thought that of himself anyway, but having Lucy think it would be painful, to say the least.
"Okay, well I'm sure Scarlett will survive, but try not to drop your daughter, alright?"
Bickslow rolled his eyes. "Oh, be quiet." He knew she was just teasing him, but still. "Now go home already. I'm tired and I—oh fuck, that's cold." The cold wind from outside hit him as he opened the door, and he shivered before he reached for the blonde to turn her and push her towards the horrible cold. "Come on, leave."
"Okay, okay. I'm going," she laughed between making some odd shrieks as she tried to swat his hands away before they settled on her waist to give her a gentle shove over the threshold. "I'll uh, I'll come see you when I get back in a few days then."
He nodded and cleared his throat quietly. "Yup." Why he had thought it would be a good idea to touch her and move her himself, he had no idea. It had been a horrible idea. A super horrible, awful idea. "Don't forget to bring me my hoodie back, either."
"Yes, yes. I'll give it back to you when I get back."
"Good." He really did love that hoodie. "Now go home. Sleep. And, uh… Be careful on that job, too," he mumbled.
"I will," she smiled, and she stepped down off the small porch and onto the path in the yard that still had all the Halloween decorations up. "Night, Bix."
"Night, Cosplayer." And he closed and locked the door once she'd reached the end of the path and had gone through the gate.
"Hey, Lucy. Are you feeling alright?" Gray asked as he turned to the blonde walking slowly behind them.
Lucy nodded. "Yeah," she answered. "My chest just… hurts a little, I suppose."
"We can rest for a little while if you wish," Erza chimed in from the front. "I'm sure it won't be the end of the world if we end up missing the train home, either. There's bound to be another one shortly."
"No, it's fine," Lucy said, forcing a smile. "It's almost evening so it's probably best if we just—"
Erza huffed and dropped her heavy bag. "It's decided then," she announced, cutting Lucy off. "We will stay here for the night and catch the first train back in the morning. We'll make camp somewhere around here, close to the path, and head into town at first light."
"Aye!" Happy cheered.
"Natsu, Happy – can you two find something to prepare for dinner? I remember seeing a small lake about a mile back. We'll find somewhere to set up camp and you can come find us when you're done."
Natsu nodded. "On it!"
With Natsu and Happy running back down the path the way they'd just come, Lucy sighed and following behind Erza and Gray once again as they veered off into the sparse forest in search for somewhere to make camp for the night away from the trail. "Really, guys, I'm fine," she insisted. "I'm probably just tired and the cold weather is getting to me or something. We don't need to take a break or camp another night. I'd rather just get home tonight."
"We all would, Lucy. But it is getting late, so it's probably safer we spend the night here and head back first thing," Gray said, before mumbling to himself, "And the town gave me the creeps. Don't wanna be going through there at night anyway."
"Besides, if you think you're coming down with something, it's best we rest tonight instead of having you push yourself, just in case it makes you feel worse," Erza added.
Lucy knew she had no other choice but to just accept they wouldn't be getting back to Magnolia until the next day. She hadn't wanted to be gone for a third night, because she really had just wanted to go home and curl up in her own bed, but she figured it was her own fault she was having to spend another night away from home. I shouldn't have said anything at all.
It wasn't even like her chest really did hurt. Not really, anyway. It was more uncomfortable than anything else; it was like there was simultaneously a weight on it, making it just a little difficult to breathe, yet also like there was something else – something new that was almost making Lucy feel like she really needed to be somewhere else.
Or, something like that, at least.
Lucy didn't even know what she was feeling, which seemed to make things worse. It wasn't even close to anything else she'd felt before, and even when she'd said it was just because she was tired or maybe even because the weather was getting colder as it got closer to winter, she knew it wasn't either of those things. It was something else – Lucy knew that. Just what it actually was, she didn't know.
But it wasn't painful, though. Not really. Just uncomfortable, and she suspected it was the cause for how frustrated and almost anxious she felt, too, which had just been growing worse over the last few days since she'd left with her team for that mission.
She just… needed to be somewhere else; she needed to be back home, where… Bickslow and Scarlett were. And Lucy hadn't meant to suddenly equate Bickslow and his daughter to home, but the moment she'd realised she would rather be back home – and needed to be back there, or so she thought – than out on that job with her favourite people in the world, doing what they were best at, she'd thought of the Seith mage and his nearly three-week-old daughter. She did miss them though, just a little bit. That much Lucy would admit to herself. She liked to think it was just because of Scarlett, because she really had grown too attached to her, but Lucy knew it was Bickslow she missed, too.
Only a tiny bit, of course.
But she was trying not to think about that, just like how she was trying not to wonder how she could have possibly associated that idiot and his super adorable baby to home, and also just like how she was too scared to acknowledge that the strange feeling in her chest that had been making her grow more uncomfortable by the hour had only started developing in those last three days where she'd been gone. Lucy just wanted to believe it was a coincidence, nothing more and nothing less, because she was downright terrified that it actually did have something to do with Bickslow and how there had obviously been something that had changed between them.
Lucy had only let that thought cross her mind once in the three days she'd been gone, though.
At dinner, when they were all sitting around the fire and the fish from the lake that Natsu and Happy had caught had successfully been cooked (or, in other words, not burnt to a crisp) and eaten, Natsu sat back down next to Lucy in front of the fire again and nudged her with his shoulder. "You still haven't told us where you've been for the last week, Luce," he said.
Lucy shrugged. "I've just been busy," she replied.
"You're not in any kind of trouble, are you?" Erza asked cautiously.
"No, no," Lucy laughed nervously.
"You'd tell us if you were though, right?"
"Of course I would."
"Then what?" Gray asked. "You know you can tell us anything."
Lucy knew she could, and that was why there they only few things that weren't shared between them. But the situation involving Bickslow and Scarlett was one thing they couldn't know. Not yet, anyway. And even then, it wasn't something she could tell anyone, either, for it wasn't her secret to share in the first place. Gajeel and Levy finding out was her fault, sure, but even if Bickslow was okay with her telling people about the fact he had a daughter now, she still wouldn't, because she knew that he still wasn't quite ready for people to know. He would've let the guild find out already if that was the case. He was still adjusting and getting used to things himself.
"I've been helping a friend with something," she answered after a moment. It wasn't like it was a lie – Bickslow was a friend and she'd been helping him with Scarlett.
"Ooh, with what?" Happy asked.
"It's a secret."
"Aw, but Luce," Natsu whined as he tipped sideways to lean on Lucy. "That's no fair. Tell us, c'mon."
She shook her head and struggled to push the Dragon Slayer off of her with a smile. "I can't tell you. But, what I can say—"
"Tell us, tell us!" Happy chimed in again.
Lucy rolled her eyes. "What I can say," she repeated herself with emphasis. "Is that you'll find out about it on your own soon enough." It wasn't like she had any issues with people knowing she'd been helping Bickslow, because they were friends and friends helped each other out when they were in need. When the time came, she'd willingly admit that she'd been helping him through it so far as best she could, and she really doubted that Bickslow would want people not knowing that she'd been helping him.
That time hadn't come yet, though. And like everyone else, her team would have to wait to find out about her secret that was really Bickslow's secret.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Gray muttered.
She shrugged and took a sip from her water bottle. "You'll just have to wait and see." And after that, it didn't take very long before they all started guessing (and yelling) about just what it was Lucy had meant and what she'd been doing in the past nearly two weeks.
He flung the covers back over his head when the unmistakable whimper began, and Bickslow couldn't help but groan into the pillow before pulling himself out of bed. Just when he'd been drifting off – as usual. As exhausted as he was, he still wasn't very good at falling asleep. Or just sleeping in general, really.
But oh well. There wasn't anything he could do to change that now.
So he got up out of his warm and cosy bed, trying to ignore just how goddamn much his chest hurt – he was going with heartburn just for the sake of it, even though the babies had been telling him for the last three days that he knew exactly what it was, whatever that meant – and went and picked up the crying three-week-old. "Alright, come on," he said gently. "I'm up now. I've got ya."
Slowly, he climbed the stairs one step at a time with the babies trailing behind him. "Babies, what's the time?"
"Seven eighteen," they answered happily.
Bickslow sighed – the last time he'd been awake, having had to get Scarlett up for a feed, it had been some time around 4 a.m. Sleep had become a foreign concept to Bickslow already, and as much as he hated it, he just kept telling himself it was worth it.
Sort of.
So after changing her (and grimacing the entire way through, much to the babies' delight), it was back down the stairs, just as slowly as he'd gone up, and over to the kitchen where he fumbled with the formula and the bottle with one hand while keeping hold of Scarlett in his other arm. Then it was just sitting, and waiting, and trying not to fall asleep yet – he could try and sleep after, since all Scarlett did was feed and sleep basically.
And then once Scarlett was back in her bassinet and after he'd had a shower, it was back to bed for a little while, before he got up at half-past nine and did it all again.
Bickslow was making his bed after that. Scarlett was happy, the other babies were happy, and he was… Well, he was awake. And very tired. And the weight seemingly on his chest was beginning to get more than a little annoying, especially since he didn't understand what was even wrong with him (and the babies, who apparently knew and claimed he knew what it was, too, were not giving him any hints). But he did his best to ignore it, because he kind of had things to do that were more important than worrying about why he felt so restless.
Like, make his bed, for example. Because he kept getting tangled up in all of the sheets and blankets and it was a mess, and he didn't like mess.
Though as he folded the top of the dark purple sheet over and placed all of the pillows back against the headboard, he couldn't help but let his mind drift again. I wonder if Lucy will be back today. He kind of missed her, for whatever reason, and he figured she'd be a little proud of him for lasting three days all by himself without dropping his kid again. But Bickslow knew he probably shouldn't be wishing she was there so much, too. He wanted to believe it was just because he hadn't talked to anyone for three days (souls and a newborn didn't really count) apart from Gajeel who'd been trying to hide from his girlfriend for whatever reason, and things had just been boring and just a little lonely… But he knew it wasn't just that.
A little bit, sure, but he also just really wanted Lucy there. Weirdness aside, he had come to quickly realise he was just much happier when she was there.
He heard the front door open and close then, and he couldn't stop himself from getting just a little excited. He was sure his heart did a funny thing, too, but he wasn't going to think about that. Oh no. Heartburn, right?
"Oi, Bix. Where are you?"
And then Bickslow froze, because that was most definitely not Lucy's voice. Rather, it was her ex-boyfriend and his best-friend's voice.
Ah, yes... So much happened, and I feel the need to explain myself about some of them.
Firstly, they're going to be weird around each other. Like, a lot. It will calm down in the next chapter (spoilers, hehe), but there'll still be moments. But you should have figured that out by now.
Secondly, yes, I'm re-using Theroux from A Peculiar Situation. Don't judge me! I just love that name so much, and since I'm having him have a very much alive family in this story, I can do so much with it. So, yeah, I'm just really excited to be able to write all of it. Though, really, this is the only chapter in the entire story where he's referred to as Redfarrow-Theroux. From here on out, it's basically just Redfarrow. But for the sake of backstory... yeah, you get it.
Thirdly, there's only so much I can do without just giving away everything. I'm kind of trying to hint at it without making it too obvious, but I'm hoping at least some of you have figured out where I'm going with everything (with the weirdness and the strange feelings hehehe). Also, yeah... The odd conversation just had to happen. Don't judge me.
Anyway. I think that's it. I'll proof read and update it in a few hours/or a day or so, most likely. Sorry for the countless mistakes that are in this lmao. (Edit: did this already. Woo!)
Also - I updated one of the other chapters. I had Bickslow thinking they would've been married for three years if he'd stayed and all, but it's actually four since it would've been 16 for Lucy and 19 1/2 (nearly 20) for Bix. So, 4 (closer to four, anyway), since they're 20 and 24 in the current setting (Well, Bix is nearly 24 in this).
On another note, I really had planned on waiting until I had this chapter posted, since Laxus and the Raijinshuu have obviously returned, before I posted the LaLu prequel (Better off as Friends), but, yeah... Obviously didn't happen. Oh well. Go read that if you hadn't, since it really does tie in with this. A lot.
And now that's it. I hope you liked this chapter, and please remember to leave a review and let me know if you did!
Until next time!
- April