Authors Note: I own nothing. No ownership rights to Beverly Hills 90210.

Chapter Six

We make our way out to the balcony and start the grill. "What do you think they are talking about in there?"

"Me." I take a sip of my wine.

"You know you are right, I love your brother but being Student President he got pretty-"

"Kel it's been going on longer, but let's not start this conversation as I won't disrespect my twin and talk about him behind his back. I'm willing to call him out on it to his face giving him a chance to defend himself, anything else is unfair." She gives me a look, yep I'm still unable to conform to these people. "So tell me about Colin, is he enjoying LA?"

"Not at all. He misses New York. Though he did like seeing Val again." I lift my brow, jealousy was shining through in her tone. "They met on a European Summer tour year's ago." I nod I remembered the letters, "Val's been parading in front of him ever since." I'd laugh but I don't imagine it's the response she wants. I wonder if she's the pot or the kettle? Nope Val's definitely the kettle she can go off like me, capable of a lot of noise. Kelly's more like the pot you cook lobster in, you get in cold thinking it's safe and before you know it you're burning alive.

Regardless of my internal amusement of Kelly now annoyed that someone dare to parade in front of her boyfriend trying to get him to slip, it's another conversation about a family member I have no interest in. I try and move onto a more neutral topic, "how's Erin?"

She spends the next fifteen minutes keeping me laughing with stories of the young Miss Silver. It's how gradually the rest of the gang find us when they begin to make their way out. First Clare, then Donna with red eyes and Ray, followed by Steve and Val who both are focused on the floor, and then David with the wine bottle. I decline when he offers to top up mine, it's that decline that Dylan and Brandon hear as they come out with the chicken for the now hot grill. "Bren if you want another drink I can drive you home?"

I give Dylan a look- yeah us alone in a car is not going to happen. "Thanks but I'm up before the sun tomorrow-"

"Oh that's right you're skydiving throughout the morning." I give him another look this time with a hint of the genuine emotion I'm feeling. I'm surprised he remembered my schedule from hearing it on Sunday.

"Sis you're jumping out of a plane again? You hate heights."

"Bran I don't think she does anymore, you should have seen her on the silks." Dylan quickly turns to me with pride and uncertainty, "that's what they are called right?"

I nod, "Aerial silks." I quickly take another sip of my wine willing someone to change the subject please, I do not want the eyes or attention on me.

"What are aerial silks?"

Before I can begrudgingly answer Donna, Dylan does. "They are pieces of silk cloth Bren wraps them around herself, she can hang upside down swing through the air. She's like twenty feet up with only the silk and her strength keeping her there. It's like something you'd see in Cirque du Soleil."

"That's because it's where it started. Donna I'm just learning it for a scene-"

"And jumping out of plane's. What other dangerous activities has Roy got you doing?" Brandon isn't being arrogant but I'd prefer it to the current sweetness and care in his tone. It reminds me of how he was when we first arrived here in Beverly Hills, I'm not sure what game he and Dylan are playing at but it leaves me uneasy.

I quickly respond, "nothing much. Kel want me go make a salad?"

"No it's made it's just on the kitchen bench under the tea towel. If everyone is happy to eat out here?" They nod and then she turns to me, "want to come in and get the bread, salad and plates with me?"

"Sure." I busy myself helping Kelly bring out the items for dinner, when the others offered to help I insisted that it was fine we had it. Keep busy, keep them talking about themselves, and get out. Throughout dinner both Brandon and Dylan try and engage me in as much conversation as possible, I'm polite but try and deflect, and instead try and speak to the new comers as much as possible. Clare and Ray that is, Val isn't new to me.

Clare is easy to speak to, clearly very intelligent, worldly and she looks to care more about peoples ideas than the size of their bank account. I imagine if I had come back at the end of that summer we would be good friends. Ray I get a different vibe from and I notice Donna is a bit more reserved, she was always bubbly but now she looks to him for guidance and reassurance that she is doing everything okay. It bothers me a little, though from the looks of it I'm the only one. Ray doesn't look like he fits with the gang but it's easy to see it's from his blue collar roots, rather than his dynamic with his girlfriend. Though when Ray corrects Donna I realise I'm not alone in my concern. I asked about his music and Ray didn't like Donna's overly supportive response, Val clocked his behaviour as well. It was the first time we met eye's since I got back to LA, and even being so distant I knew immediately that this relationship wasn't good and Val's eye's showed her nervousness. Fuck, if Val was worried I needed to be as well. I repeat in my head I will no get sucked in, I will not get sucked in. Fuck but I couldn't leave Donna to fend for herself if she wasn't with a good guy. Fuck!

Over tea, I become animated when Clare asks if I've traveled through Europe. I gush about all of them.

"So what's your favourite place then?"

I smile at her, "France still. There's this village Saint-Pée-sur-Nivelle that I love. It looks nothing like Minnesota but everyone there hangs out on the lake it feels like home, when I get a chance I pop over there for weekends."

"They still have the paddle boats on there?" I look at Dylan, he understands my unasked question. "That area and the coastline is my favourite in Europe, La Graviere has the best waves; the water is almost as clean as Baja just not as warm, it's just on the other side of Bayonne. It's actually where I was staying when I called your dorm from Europe at the start of freshman year. When I wanted to wish you luck at Minnesota and see if you wanted to show me your old hometown." I ignore the awkward looks to Kelly and instead give him a glare, whatever he was playing at I didn't want trouble. He realises that he is doing more harm than good and quickly continues, "I love all the villages down there and how you can still duck into San Sebastián for tapa's- great film festival there as well."

"Yeah it's a beautiful little sea side village, Roy and I went to the festival last year." It was a short reply but I wasn't going to engage in this any longer. Dinner was finished and after this conversation I knew it was now time to go. I wanted to spin out at home annoyed that of course we shared the same favourite place in Europe, and that he was publicly sharing that he wanted to fly out to see me in Minnesota. Bad timing seemed to sum us up completely, along with gestures that were too little and too late. I look at Kelly, "I'm sorry but I really should be heading home. I need to speak to Roy and finish planning my work day for tomorrow-"

She looks disappointed, "Oh I thought it was just an early start? You can't stay a little while longer?"

"No sorry. I have skydiving in the morning and we are hoping to get three jumps in, then I'm meeting a friend for a catch up, then three hours of training, and when I get home I need to see if Roy needs me for postproduction dubbing tomorrow afternoon. If so it'll be another few hours of that into the evening."

"Shit Brenda that's a full on schedule."

"That's light, when we start filming it'll be eighteen hour days. I'm sure you know what's it like with Samantha Steve."

"Yeah but she never filmed action movies I thought it would be just stunt people doing all the physical work."

"No only the real dangerous stuff they'll step in and do, the rest is on me."

I say goodbye and thank the girls for hosting dinner, as I move to leave both Dylan and Brandon move to walk me to my car. I stop and give them a weird look, "thanks but I've got it-" Dylan doesn't push it, he can tell I'm not going to agree and that he crossed a line earlier. My brother though tries to push it.

"Bren the beach can be rough at night-"

"Brandon the sun hasn't completely set, and regardless I think I can handle myself."

"I'd feel better-"

I roll my eyes, "And Jim I'd feel better walking myself."

He smiles at me but doesn't engage with my reference to our father, "still stubborn little sister."

I give him the same sweet tone back but with an undercurrent of distain that only two others here beside my twin were capable of hearing. "And still trying to be my third parent I see." I lose my smile, "night."

Roy is waiting for me when I get home. We discuss the dubbing I'll need to do tomorrow, the details of my evening, and as suspected he notices the blood as well. He's annoyed that I got another one, he worries that I only seemed to get them in response to disappointment from Dylan. Each one either represented strength, courage, peace, or another message for me to grab hold of. They were my physical reminders that I had been hurt by him and that I deserved more. That I didn't need the love of my life to define me especially when that love was bad for me, I was capable of taking care of myself. These reminders I saw each day, they were cherished, and they served an invaluable purpose. They were how I came to my senses on Saturday night, he had caressed the ones on my left side and commented on how he liked them before he fell asleep. I had been dozing at the time but it was like being covered in ice water, I was immediately awake.

"Love it's just another incentive to get out of here quickly, God only knows how many you'll be covered in by the end of this ordeal." He gives me a smile, "but since you've already done it let's see what you've added to your beautiful body."

He likes the design but is worried that training, surfing and tomorrow's harness will aggravate it. I promise to pad it in the morning so nothing rubs, and to wear a halter neck when I can over the next few days, air will help it heal faster. He suggests I just go topless when we are home alone, he thinks it's best. I kiss his cheek laughing and wish him a goodnight. Roy's consistency is my rock.

As soon as she is out the door I'm looking over the balcony trying to follow her movements to her car, not that I know which one she is driving. I'm unsurprised when she gets into a black Range Rover, I guess everything now day's needs to be British. Kelly comes over and looks in the direction of where I'm staring. She's either brave, ignorant or looking to fight by coming close to me now. I hadn't made eye contact or spoken a word to her since finding out about senior year. It had been stewing in me all night.

"You called her after I left Europe, you were going to go to Minnesota?"

I keep focused on Bren as she moves out of the carpark, "I wanted to go home. I didn't care that I was going to go back on my word. I told her when she broke up with me that if she did it I wouldn't chase her. It was a stupid threat, made by a selfish and hurt teenager. When her phone rang out I came back to LA instead."

"She didn't answer so you came back to me and didn't try again, sounds like you were committed to getting her back." Her scepticism that it was a genuine attempt is clear.

"No I tried when we went fishing her first day back in LA. She rejected me, I stayed with you." I give her a look, I had apologised to her so many times on Monday thinking that I had been at fault, now I don't care. I don't care that she is now looking devastated at me pretending to be the wronged party.

"Wow you really are trying to hurt me. What happened to I'm sorry?"

"Well I gave up on that when I realised that you don't deserve an apology. Tell me in the hours she spent on the phone from London listening to you cry and being upset by the injustice of it all did you ever ask her how she was and mean it? Did you ever thank her for showing you a kindness that you never have shown her? Did you apologise for spreading that rumour, going after her part, being horrible and jealous to her when she was arrested, did you apologise for all the times you rolled your eye's or got frustrated that she was what breathing the same air as you in freshman year? Because I know you didn't apologise for actively pursuing me when she and I were together. What was it that you said before her airport shuttle had even left the beach club carpark, that maybe you'll get with me that summer. That was it wasn't it? She wasn't even out of eyesight and there you were flirting, and even when she came home you kept it up. How many times did you come over to my house at the start of senior year with bullshit excuse's? Playing up how you understood me better than her, how you wanted to ride my bike." It all sounds so sleazy now- it was all so sleazy.

"I've fucking owned all of my mistakes, I apologised to you for hours on Monday for being weak and turning to you after Jim made me send her to Paris. After he threatened to freeze my trust, take my house and formally accuse me of statutory rape of my three week younger girlfriend. A girl I had been desperately in love with for two year's." I know the balcony is deadly quiet I know they are all hearing this, the gasps at that are clear, and I don't fucking care. "Two weeks after you told her she liked the fact my Dad died, she liked the fact that I watched him blow up in front of my eyes, she liked it because it meant she could be my shoulder to cry on. Two weeks she's in that hospital room on your birthday telling you she loves you wanting to put it behind you both. Forgiving the girl who had gone out of her way to lie, steal, play victim and abuse her for it, and what was your heartfelt response back?"

I lift my hand and point where the quiet masses were staring on, "want to tell them or should I?" She says nothing. "No I love you too, no I'm sorry for lying, no I'm sorry for accusing you of something so horrendous for saying that about Dylan's dad, no you're my best friend or hell even my friend. No your response was you can't have Dylan back. Like the scum that I am was some kind of prize. She apologises for doing nothing, and yet you still have to reinforce that you won, you still had to push that knife a little further in. She hadn't been destroyed enough, hadn't been betrayed by me, you, Brandon, her friends enough, you had to make sure she knew exactly what her apology her love meant to you- absolutely fucking nothing."

I give her a look of disgust, I had played off so much of her behaviour as petty jealousy. Feeling bad that I couldn't ever say I love you. Feeling bad because I knew that she felt that deep down she knew she was second choice. I felt bad that I had made her a victim to my weakness, my fear. I had felt bad until I found out that she had used my father's death as a weapon. A weapon to hurt Brenda even more. Throw him around to hurt and taunt Brenda- make her sacrifice for me seem manipulative and not the most selfless act of kindness of true love I had ever felt. She used his death and my pain like a fucking game. She felt entitled and allowed to disrespect Brenda.

I had been so wrong about everything. She knew Jack, she was the only one that did and she was still happy to throw around his memory like he meant nothing, because he didn't mean anything to her, none of us do to her, not him, me or Brenda. The only thing that has ever meant anything to Kelly, the only thing she has ever wanted was fucking clear as daylight to me. She wanted to take everything that Brenda ever had.

"Yeah I think I'm done with I'm sorry's to you. I'm fucking done completely with you."

As Dylan walks out Kelly turns to me, "did you say that to her in that hospital room?" With tears running down her face she slowly nod's. "You said that after telling her she liked that Jack died?" She slowly nods again, "after telling her that you had being seeing her boyfriend behind her back?" She nods. "My sister in those five weeks hadn't been hurt enough by you, you hadn't destroyed her world enough?"

I turn to cross the balcony I needed to get out of here, "Brandon wait. Why am I getting all the blame I didn't do this alone?"

Before I respond I turn to look at her I want her to see the truth of my words, "because Kelly you are the only one that took pleasure in stabbing my sister in the back. You liked it so much you repeatedly did it over those two year's. Tell me was any of it ever real? Me, him? Was any of it ever about love, or was it always about ensuring that the people who loved her the most were loyal only to you? Did you just resent her and her life so much that you had to take it for yourself, and try and destroy her in the process?"

I don't even bother waiting for an answer, I'm out the door before I can hear any response as I know she had power over me. I had kissed her when she was Dylan's, I had nearly lost our friendship when I claimed he made a move on Sheryl in sophomore year and then three year's later I'm doing it to him with her. She had the power for me to lose my head. Kelly had made both Dylan and I become different people, we had fallen for her charms and in turn became men who had no integrity I wasn't risking being close to her I wasn't risking her manipulating me to make this behaviour seem justified.

Dylan's gone before I reach my car but I follow him back to his house I need answers on a few things he said. He opens the door within seconds of me knocking, "I was expecting you Jones. Come in."

Once I'm inside I look at him, "he threatened you like that?"

He doesn't need clarification, "yeah. Her on a plane and then he'd leave me alone."

"Did she know?"

"She knew he called a trustee meeting but she didn't know of the threat or the accusation. When she got home there was peace, he invited me over again. I never wanted to stir the pot and tell her but I kept my distance from your place after that. Jim and I were never the same after that."

"Have you told Iris?"

"No. The first time I've ever said it out loud was on that balcony just then."

"Dylan she needs to know-"

"Why? It doesn't excuse any of it. I may have been more vulnerable, more lost that summer. Felt rejected by new family but she didn't reject me, she fought for me, was willing to run away. B telling her doesn't justify that summer, senior year, freshman year, it doesn't justify that I abandoned her when I had finally climbed out of that bottle last year." He moves to the couch and sits down, "you know I asked Kelly to help on Monday I knew it was a long shot but I asked for help."

Seriously? "What did she say?"

"That Brenda was happy in London, that she wasn't willing to stir this all up again and risk losing what little friendship she had gained back. I don't think she wanted us to ever look back and know it all, put all those scenes together and see how bad it was for Brenda. How much of it was Kelly's doing, how she taunted Brenda attempting to take everything from her."

I nod, I imagine Kelly would never want that. I imagine being friends with Brenda now, being the only one in regular contact ensured her secrets get kept. As if reading my mind he adds, "I doubt you told Brenda about the women last year, Val wouldn't have, I can't see Donna saying anything, and Andrea barely thanked Bren for her cards and gifts for Hanna. It just leaves one person who would have insured all my betrayals were sent across the Atlantic."

"I was happy that Kelly was reaching out to Bren, I thought with how erratic Bren was that year that it was really kind and respectful of Kelly to still want to maintain the friendship. That she loved me enough to try and maintain a friendship. I guess I got that all wrong as well. So Bren knows about the booze, drugs and girls, she then knows you came back for Kelly when you got your money back rather than going to see her. She probably knows every word you said to Kelly. Dylan I know you think you can salvage this but I don't see how my sister could get past all this."

"Brandon I know I can get through to her, I know with time I can make… well it won't ever be right but we can start fresh, I just need her to let me near her."

"Dylan she doesn't seem keen on letting either of us in." I look at the man that was once my best friend, then brother, then competitor, he look's convinced but I can see it's fuelled by hope and an unhealthy dose of wishful thinking. "Look let me try. Let me see if I can get her willing to build her relationship with me first."

"How are you going to get her to do that?"

"I'm going to call her and ask to see her, be honest-"

"And if that doesn't work?"

"I'll call cousin Bobby, see if he wants to come for a visit. Dylan I'll call a whole Walsh reunion if it gets her in the same space as me. Look let me try and build back her trust. If we both do it at the same time she'll feel under attack. She owes us nothing. Both of us have lost any favour we once had, and looking at you two tonight you have managed to lose even more of it since you spotted her in the club."

"She's here for two more months I can't ignore her, I can't not try-"

"Try and be her friend. Try and remind her that you were always that with each other, and while you do that I'll try and prove to her that we are still twins. That we share a bond that even two year's of betrayal hopefully can't erase."

He doesn't look convinced, "if that works D my sister will be around more. It may give her the confidence to be more open to you."