Authors Note: I own nothing. No ownership rights to Beverly Hills 90210.

Chapter Seven

It took daily phone calls for a week before she agreed to come to Casa Walsh for dinner. I had started slow I'd called about the skydiving to see how she had gone that morning, I had stayed only in the zone of talking about all the skills she was learning or refining for the film role. The next day I'd called about how her surfing trip had gone, wanted to see if she was still able to kick my ass on a board.

She had given her first honest laugh, well almost laugh and said anyone who could stand up for a second could kick my ass. The third day I'd called and told her I'd been going through some of the boxes in the garage, even though I was staying here I wanted to finally organise the space. I'd come across a box of her books and some of her clothes from her room, I wanted to know what she wanted done with them. The books she asked for me to keep, she hoped her first copy of Romeo and Juliet was in there. It was the copy she had used for her first ever play, she had notes in the margin and wanted to show Roy believing he'd get a kick out of it.

The clothes she had said to donate, I told her it had a few things she may want to keep. There was a hanging bag in there that looked to contain her high school dance dresses; the black dress from the Spring Dance, her dress from the Christmas dance, the white dress from Pig Skin Prom, and her Prom dress. She quickly said to donate them all, she had no interest in reminiscing on any of those times. The lightness of the conversation had quickly changed I knew she was seconds away from insisting she had to run, I quickly tried to change the tone by asking if she wanted to keep my green shirt. It worked like a charm, she insisted it was hers, it had been surrendered when I had needed her to look after my position at The Peach Pit. That had segued into a conversation about Lydia Leeds and how Brenda had run into her in London. With her show over she was trying to be taken seriously as an adult actress and no longer the childhood star. She thought the London stage would be perfect for that and had cornered Roy at a London party.

She had not remembered Brenda at all but had remembered me. When Roy had asked for the story Brenda had taken great pleasure in filling him in much to Lydia's dismay. I laughed at her getting her just desserts and thanked my twin for having my back. I may have got to emotional about it or it could have been simply the reminder that I hadn't done the same for her but she was off the phone in less than twenty seconds after that. Dylan had come over that afternoon and collected the dresses after I had called and told him about the call. He insisted that when Bren was able to forgive us both her sentimentality would want those dresses to show to their kids and grandchildren. His optimism was troubling, he was not willing to entertain any thought that they may be done.

When I had gone for Chinese food on Friday night with him, he had said that he had given up when she hadn't come home without even hearing her out, he had abandoned all hope in that hospital room when she wasn't there wasn't mentioned. If he had only asked his mother he knew she wouldn't have lied she would have told him his girl would never ignore him like that, of course she would have done everything in her power to make sure he was taken care of. He had lost hope too many times in the last few year's he wasn't ever going to do that again. It nagged at me that he was investing too much into the belief that my sister loved him enough to forgive him again. It worried me that if it didn't work out I'd be left to pick up the pieces of potentially the biggest crash Dylan had ever experienced. I now realised that his biggest downfall happened after I told him she wasn't coming home, not at the immediate loss of Erica or the money but rather eleven weeks later once I left that answering machine message.

Even his dad hadn't created the fall I expected, maybe if Bren hadn't invited him to ours it could have but she did, she had offered him everything he needed to recover. It had resulted in him being bruised by that loss but not destroyed, the same way he was only battered that summer thinking she'd be home soon to help him make sense of it. His destruction was her, her loss, her not coming home led him to drugs that were a clear death wish. I was afraid that if it happened again he'd be right back there. His collecting of the dresses, and joke that the Pig Skin Dress was never going to be worn by their teenage daughter as it showed too much skin was a red flag to me that he was latching on hard to his wishful thinking.

Sunday morning I called to see if she wanted to go for a walk on the beach, she declined as she had to leave for training soon and then her and Roy were off on an adventure. They were flying to San Fransisco to see a matinee of a play Roy had directed a few years ago on Broadway. I asked how many day's would she be gone for, she laughing responded the length of the performance and then for Chinese food, she'd be home this evening. She clarified that living in Europe you got in the habit of such plane trips being a somewhat normal experience.

Monday I rang to hear about San Fransisco and to see if she wanted to grab a meal this week. I know she agreed to Wednesday because she felt obliged to. I told her it was just going to be us, give her a chance to see the house. Tuesday I rang to see what I should cook or grill on the bbq. When she said her evening meals were mainly protein and vegetables I said I could work with that. She asked about my day on campus and while I noticed that she liked the onus on other people rather than herself in conversations now, I felt after day's of keeping it squarely on her it would be a relief for her to hear about my day.

Wednesday I kicked Steve out sending him to the club to hang with Val. They were both under orders to stay gone for the evening, Val understood and promised to keep him away. She hadn't said it but I could tell she hoped that Bren and I getting our relationship fixed may open the door for hers. Bren weirdly rang the doorbell and when I opened the door I greeted her with a strange look.

"Don't say it I know but it hasn't been my home in over a year, and I have other places I call home now. Add to that you living here with Steve and Val, and then Mum and Dad… it seemed like a doorbell ringing situation."

I give her a teasing smile, "Sis you nervous about being here, you aren't usually a rambler?" She shrugged her shoulders I decided to leave it not wanting to set her discomfort off further, "come in." As she walks in she looks around noticing the changes to both the lounge and dining room, "what do you think? Too colourful?"

"It's very… now." I lift my eyebrow, "don't look at me like that I'm still more of a classic girl, cutting edge fashion or house décor doesn't appeal to my sensibilities. The house is nice though, glad you kept some of the classic Spanish architecture."

"Yeah Steve needed to be reigned in a little by both Val and I so it wasn't all lost. Want a tour of upstairs first?" She nod's and says nothing on seeing my old room. Takes a moment in her's. Though in our parents or my new room she spends more time than any other.

"It's weird I know they have moved but I kind of thought they'd still be here. I felt coming here would be a reminder of them, this room looks nothing like their's not even Dad's chair remains." She walks around the room touching different things like my pictures and hockey pucks. "Are they happy in Hong Kong?"

"Last I spoke to them they were settling in. I doubt I'll hear from them for a while now though."

She turns and looks at me, "they travelling?"

"No on Wednesday I emailed them both with some harsh words. It was long overdue."

She looks at me confused and then realisation strikes, "Dylan told you we aren't speaking, well they aren't speaking to me."

"Yes I wasn't aware until that Monday at the pit of that. I was going to ask you if you wanted me to get involved-"

"But decided to step in regardless?" Her slight annoyance comes through that I had not asked first, "wanted to make us Walsh's neat and proper again Brandon? You know we weren't ever the perfect family there is no such thing. Ours though may have looked it more than others but we lived in two different homes- you were respected and trusted, I was doubted, controlled and judged off a harsher standard."

"I know. But I don't think you know, actually I know you don't know how much control they had over your life."

"I think I do, I experienced it."

"Yeah but they controlled you in ways that you have never been made aware of, in a way I only found out about on Tuesday night. When I heard I couldn't stand by and not say anything, their manipulations effected the three of us. Set things in motion that I can't imagine would ever have occurred otherwise-"

"The three of us? Don't you mean four- mum, dad, you and me?"

"No I mean you, Dylan and me." She tenses, "look I wasn't going to bring this up and I didn't expect that you'd bring them up. We don't have to carry on this conversation if it is going to upset you or make you want to leave. I want to spend time with my sister, my twin I wont ever lie to you but I can respect it if you don't want to have this conversation yet or ever."

"Tuesday night?" I nod, "at Kelly's?" I nod, "while I was on the deck with her?"

"No after you left."

"Do the other's know?"

"Yes like me they heard. Dylan went justifiably off at Kelly once you were gone." I ignore her raised eyebrow at justifiably. "While you were heating up the grill together we shared some truths inside that we didn't know about. Val told us why she has always hated Kelly, besides from the known offences she told us about her accusations about you liking Jack's death-"

She laughs, "that's what caused him to justifiably yell at her? Is he going to call Andrea up and yell at her too?" Her voice was laced thick with sarcasm.

"Andrea? What does she have to do with it?"

She shakes her head and begins to move out of the room, "she was in the toilet when Kelly was going off at me. I went to go back in and say something more and instead I heard Andrea tell Kelly that both Kelly and I needed to put Dylan first. I thought I had been, but hearing Andrea say that and not just calling Kelly out for accosting me, well it was clear that maybe people felt there was truth to the accusation. I made sure to leave Dylan alone after that."

She's out the room before I can say a word, fuck was there anyone here who had her back? Didn't make her feel shit about herself? I go after her, "Bren she was wrong to say that and Kelly was beyond wrong. I can't justify any of their behaviour and I won't, they were wrong we were all wrong about so much." We are in the foyer now and I know she is a few seconds from leaving, I can drop it but I think she'll just leave anyway now.

"I told Dad and Mum as much, I told them that they set off a chain of events by their deceit. You going to Paris after I had to once again work the summer annoyed me, I felt you were being rewarded, spoilt for bad behaviour. I didn't know how they got you on that plane, you don't even know how. I let my annoyance at you fester, I started seeing you as a being treated differently from me getting privileges I didn't- I resented you."

"And here I just thought you hated me. So you were pissed I got sent on a trip I didn't want to go on. I wouldn't have even been on that plane if Dylan hadn't convinced me it was a once in a lifetime opportunity. If he hadn't encouraged me to not say no, even though I felt disgusting taking it. They were manipulating me, sending me a way because I was too much of a pain, too much of a problem. And you were jealous of that?"

I ignore her question not wanting to dwell on my unfair beliefs that I established at the time, that I had let jade my thinking. "Dylan only encouraged you to go on that trip because they made him-"

"I know this Brandon if that's the big secret I know this. Dad called a fake trust meeting and asked him not to step in the way of me going to Paris-"

"No Dad called him to his office and said if you didn't go to Paris then he was going to freeze his trust and block Dylan from living in his house as it was a trust asset, he was going to accuse Dylan of committing statutory rape with you living there." Fuck I didn't mean to say that so harshly.

Her fingers instantly come to her mouth and it takes her a moment to swallow, when she speaks again I can hear the fragility in her voice. "We are the same age, eighteen day's apart. Mum and Dad had known pretty much from the start… when we began to. Dad had condoned you with Sheryl back in sophomore year. I don't understand how that could even be a legitimate accusation-"

"He was emancipated." I see the moment when it clicks that Dad was going to disregard their two year history, them being of the same age, them being in a committed loving relationship, and instead put Dylan in a corner where he either lost it all with potential life long ramification's or was forced to encourage the woman he loved to go against her instincts and accept a trip that would send her away. It's clear as day when she realises why I said their actions changed the three of us, what that threat set in motion. How we were never the same from the moment she got in that Van.

She moves to sit on the step like her leg's won't hold her up anymore. I sit next to her not close, something tells me if I offered her a hug right now she'd be repulsed by my touch. After nearly five minutes she looks at me, her ability to hide away her feelings is scary. "Is there anything else? Anything else I'm going to be metaphorically hit with?"

"From that time I don't think so. You probably should know that after you left the apartment, and Dylan and I walked out, that according to Steve and Val the rest of them exploded. Donna still isn't talking to Kelly, Steve had to walk Val out of there as she was so giddy and laughing about Kelly finally getting her just desserts. No one is talking to each other, even Steve who always supports Kelly told her that claiming you liked that Dylan's Dad died was low, very Junior High Kelly."

She looks completely unimpressed hearing this, "great and when you all make up, because you will, it will be my fault again. I wasn't even there and I'm sure the blame will fall on me." She rubs her forehead, "Brandon I think I'm going to go-"

Shit I didn't want our night to go like this. "Sis stay. We don't have to talk about any of them, we can chat about anything you want, hell we can even not talk and we can watch a movie. I'd just like to be around you for a bit. We used to see each other each day. I use to know everything about your life and well I know it's been longer than London since that's been true, I'd like the chance to build us back."

Her cynicism is clear, she wants to know what I'm playing at. "Why? Siblings don't have to be close, and honestly it's not like we are going to run into each other at Thanksgiving or Christmas any time soon. I can't see Mum, Dad and I coming back from this one."

"Brenda you were my first best friend, you were the one who held my hand when Bobby was hurt, who I cried to when Aunt Sheila died, you are the one who is capable of calling me out when I get too big headed. You have always had my back even befriending someone who had shown you no respect or care, a person who took enjoyment in causing you pain- otherwise she would have stopped and she never has. I know I have hurt you the most, Dylan will say it's him but we have been bonded since before we drew our first births. We literally watched each other grow legs and arms. He may be the love of your life but I literally can share your feelings, your pain-"

"I don't think you can anymore or if you do you were quite happy to ignore it for the last three year's- but I was a spoilt princess so maybe you thought the pain might keep me humble-"

"I deserve that, and a lot more. Stick around for dinner and you can spend the night tossing out the insults, they are all true and well deserved."

"Brandon one night is not going to repair us, either is calling everyday."

"I know that but it's a start. I have to start somewhere as I'm not willing to live my life not being close to my twin." I pause to let that sink in. I just wanted to start and I hoped she was open to the possibility. I stand up, "so dinner? I got salmon, and lots of vegetables already cut up."

She looks at my extended hand that will help her up and sighs then takes it. "Okay."

We spend the night talking about music we like and concerts we'd seen, I told her my experience of The Stones, she told me of her's in London. By the end of the night she is going through my closest, putting things in an order I'm not sure I'll ever understand.

With her back to me she begins to speak, "Brandon how old are you?"

"Four minutes older than you."

"Right, and Dylan is eighteen days older than us. We are approaching our twenty-first birthday's correct?"

"Where are you going with this Sis?"

She turns and looks over her shoulder at me, "am I correct?" I nod. "Okay then why are two twenty year old men aiming to look like grandfathers in their wardrobe choices? Has beige ever been a flattering colour on either of you- if we pretend it's actually a colour? Does walking around in a suit when you hang out on campus all day make you feel like you are going to work? Does the sweater vest that is designed to keep old mens chests warm but not overheat them, does that geriatric garment make you feel attractive?"

"Sister just reading between the lines are you saying that you don't like how us guy's dress?"

"David looks good. Steve dresses in his same Steve style, it's a look but it makes sense for him. But from what I see you and Dylan look like you both keep buying clothes a size or two too big and that you are allergic to colour. You both believe that beige layer's are your new friend in fear of I assume the cold. You do realise that you both live in a city that stays pretty consistent in temperature all year round?"

"So Dylan and I look bad?"

She grabs out a sweater vest and shirt, "if I sent this to Grandpa Beevis for Christmas can you see him wearing it?"

I give her an amused smile, "should I start wearing band t-shirts and get some tattoos?"

"No you don't have my attitude to make that work but maybe try and find your own style rather than just buying everything from the Macy's old man catalogue." She points to my wardrobe, "from here to here are the things that I can't see you ever getting laid in unless she has a thing for old men. The rest is acceptable."

I stand from my bed and walk over, "that's like six items left."

"Yes, it's not my fault that last year you decided to become the guy that thought that he could make the bleached out pasty look appear hot. You are twenty say it with me t-w-e-n-t-y. Looking like grandpa will not mean people will take you seriously, it just means that in a decade you'll be cringing at the photos from this time wondering why you had no friends to tell you that you looked bad."

I should be annoyed but it's the most sisterly thing she has done for me in years. We came to grab the green shirt I had hung up for her and the box of books, and it had turned into this. "Does that mean you'll take me shopping?"

"No you're a grown ass man take yourself shopping, just don't pull off the tags until I or Val has seen it."

"Val?" She gets my unasked question, is there hope for the triplets.

"No she lit that on fire-"

I try and give her some context, "Dylan only told us on Tuesday that you guy's got back together she didn't know that-"

"She knew who he was. I know she was hurt that I wasn't coming back to help her adjust here, to make her feel supported. And I imagine that she was still struggling to deal with the death of her father when she first got with Dylan. Even if she hated him-"

"You knew Val hated her father?" She nod's. I decide to give her some details of that time, once she heard of Val sleeping with Dylan she had been an off limits discussion with everyone. "She came here straight after the funeral. She has never really dwelled on it since."

She goes to sit on my bed, "I swear you all need sensitivity training. Does that seem normal or healthy to you?" I shake my head. She always seemed fine, chipper even when she arrived, well except for the destructive behaviour… shit. "What? By your I just got an idea face something just clicked."

"Dylan, weed, booze, lying- Val was doing that from the start. Dylan had no idea who she was at first."

"Well regardless of if they were into each other, or if it was just revenge first for me leaving her, and then more revenge from him when he found out who she was, it is irrelevant-" I give her a look. She understood some of their motivations and had considered their behaviour as a reaction to her but it still didn't change anything?

She rolls her eyes, "Brandon let's not pretend that you don't know I was depressed or at least Dylan hasn't pointed it out to you. I've spent a bit of time in therapy. I can rationalise all of their, your shit behaviour. The thing is one instance or two can be unpacked and forgiven but all of your behaviours now are just patterns. They are how you all think and behave, you've all learnt to live in these structures. It's become a bad soap opera of drama, hurt, forgiveness and drama again. None of you change or are expected to change, none of you learn from your mistakes. The motivation of Dylan and Val whether it was overwhelming lust or payback is not important, the important thing is that both will continue to do this pattern forever. It's a pattern Dylan clearly started that summer- I assume now it was subconsciously in response to Dad's threat. It's why in two weeks you'll be all made up again and I'll be the person in the wrong- you all can't change from that pattern. I'm choosing not to be involved in it though. It's destructive and unhealthy."

She stand's and grabs the shirt and places it on top of the box of books. "Val should have had therapy, Mum and Dad if they weren't stuck in their own grief should have seen to that. She shouldn't be ostracised or have to beg for acceptance from you lot because of how she behaved is behaving in dealing with her trauma. You should have her back and help her- maybe it's not too late to break this new pattern for her. You know as well as I that the Val we grew up with would never have slept with him, she wouldn't betray either of us. She could be hard as nails but she wasn't ever manipulative she didn't take pleasure in hurting people. She wouldn't have been giddy at Kelly being told off by everyone." She picks up the box like it's light as air, "thanks for dinner."

I don't try and see if she'll stay longer I know she has given me more than I deserve. After walking her to the door and her laughing when I tried to carry the box to her car she's gone. After closing the front door I move to the couch and sit there, processing the night and the last few minute's upstairs. Are we in patterns? It takes me only a few seconds to remember why I didn't stay at the beach apartment last Tuesday, I knew I'd fall under Kelly's spell. That she could rationalise that behaviour, I knew I'd lose my conviction. Yep that sounds like the definition of a pattern to me. Shit.

Looking at the time I reach for the phone I know he is waiting for my call. "B how is she?"

"She's well. Look I know you didn't want her to know but I told her about the threat-"

"Jones that's not going to help anything it's just going to make her more upset with everything-"

"And how upset will she be when Kelly tells her like it's common knowledge. She had a right to know and she should have known that afternoon when you walked back into your house before coming over here for dinner. You should have told us both, your family, rather than deal with my parents alone."

"You're right I know you're right I just don't like the fact that every time my name is brought up she is hit with a new pain a new realisation that I stuffed up. She won't be able to get past this if she is kept being blindsided like that, she won't ever understand that-"

"Actually speaking of understanding I think she understands better than any of us. You able to come over so I can explain it all? I think her forgiving either of us is going to be harder than we thought."

"I'm on my way."