The words and symbols surrounded him, flashing and blinking as he turned, absorbing every bit of information that he could. The histories of his people and his planet shifted like sand through his mind. Their beginning and their end… their triumphs and their failures… their people and their places… it was if he had lived on Krypton without ever actually stepping foot on its soil. When he first entered the Fortress all those weeks ago and told Jor-El he was ready to resume his training, he didn't expect to get a history lesson. But Jor-El told him that he had to understand everything their people had gone through to truly embrace his heritage. He learned about technologies and innovations he could have never imagined, but he also saw a level of greed and arrogance that he had never experienced on Earth. It was fascinating and enlightening to see how advanced his people were, yet how terribly alike they were with humans.

He had also been exposed to the science behind himself. He saw the subtle differences and intricacies that separated himself from the human race. They were a very similar species when viewed from the naked eye, but their genetic makeup was colorfully different. The way his body worked to use the yellow sun's energy to maximize his strengths was fascinating, but so was the way his body mutated when it was exposed to different forms of Kryptonite. As he learned and worked, he felt a renewed sense of self control over his powers and their link to his emotions. He had to admit, it wasn't as hard to cut himself off from his feelings as he thought it'd be. In fact, after everything that had happened, he welcomed the numbness. The only time he had felt himself falter in that regard had been tonight.

Her face was pressed up against the glass…

No, he needed to forget about that. He needed to focus.

He felt his heartbeat pounding in his ears for the first time in weeks… she was hurt, but she was here…

It's simple. Redirect the mind and just focus.

A steady thumping sound echoed in his head… she was beautiful…

Stop. Block her out. Focus. Focus.

Lois…

The swirling tube of symbols disappeared in front of his eyes and he couldn't help but feel disappointed in himself. This was the first time since he had resumed his training that he had failed. It was also the first time since he had vowed to leave behind his humanity that he had allowed himself to think about… her.

"Kal-El, my son. You are distracted. When you decided to return to your training, I assumed you were ready."

Jor-El's voice echoed throughout the Fortress and his attention snapped back to the fading symbols around him. Shame burned inside of him, which only made him angry. He shouldn't be feeling like this, like a… human. Mistakes were inevitable, but that didn't mean he had to succumb to trivial feelings they often tried to provoke. Emotions were weaknesses and he had to temper their flame before they consumed him again.

"I've been coming here for weeks. I've done everything you've asked, so why are you questioning me now?" he asked, his voice booming through the crystalline stronghold. His voice sounded even and unemotional, which was a good sign. He hadn't strayed too far from all the work he had done these past few weeks.

"Until today, you had focus. You had cleared your mind and heart of those who had kept you tethered to the human realm," he replied. He frowned. No, he still had focus. He could still do this. He had worked tirelessly and learned so much in just weeks that he felt as if he was finally at the precipice of becoming who he was meant to be. The only thing that still alluded him was the one thing he had been working the hardest at since he arrived at the Fortress.

"If there's anything keeping me tethered, it's that I still can't fly," he replied. There was an edge to his voice, but he couldn't help it. It wasn't fair that he still couldn't fly, yet his cousin did so with ease. "Have I not earned the same powers that Kara has?"

"Your powers lie within you, Kal-El. Your physical composition is no different than your cousin's."

He took a moment to think about what he meant. If this wasn't a test or trial that Jor-El had given him and if his ability to fly was truly up to him, it meant that it would appear just as his other powers had in the past. Strength and speed had never been an issue, even as a boy, and his invulnerability seemed to be ingrained in him. His x-ray vision had developed shortly after he discovered his heritage, while his heat vision had been linked with his hormones. Finally, he had acquired his hearing and arctic breath after his body had sustained injuries. So was his ability to fly linked with growth? Kara was older than him, so that was a possibility. Did it need to be triggered by injuring himself? His hearing developed after his heat vision blinded him and his super breath came after he had caught a cold from the Phantom Zone, neither of which sounded like things that would trigger his ability to flight, which only meant one thing.

"You're saying it's all in my head?" he asked, resigned to the fact that it was a mental obstacle he had to overcome, not a physical one.

"You still see yourself as a human," Jor-El replied. He bristled at that statement. He wasn't a human anymore. That side of him was gone. Clark Kent was dead. He had severed all of his ties to every person he had ever cared about. Chloe, Oliver, Jimmy, his own mother, and even… her. They were nothing more but memories from a man who no longer existed. He was only Kal-El now. He was a protector of humanity and against anything that wanted to harm it, even itself, but he wasn't one of them. Not anymore.

"You're wrong," he said, his own voice thundering in his ears. "I gave up everyone I cared about. I gave up everyone who was important to me. I wear the symbol of our family every day to remind me that I have a different destiny."

After Jimmy's death and Lois's disappearance, he knew that the Red Blue Blur had to become something else. The man who had discovered him and the woman who had breathed life into him were both gone, so he knew that he couldn't be him anymore. So he became something else. He didn't need anyone else trying to catch glimpses of him or insinuate their way into his life, so he dropped the red and blue in exchange for black. It was easier to blend in with the shadows that way and become part of a protective force rather than part of the people. The symbol on his chest further represented the fact that he wasn't human, but something else entirely. It's why he burned the symbol wherever he made a save. It not only reminded him of who and what he was, but also showed the people that they had something guarding over them.

"Perhaps you've tried to move on too quickly. The test of a true hero is to struggle with feelings of loss and to overcome them, not to avoid them. Something, or someone, is holding you back."

Her face flashed In his mind again. Her auburn hair, cascading down past her shoulders… her hazel eyes, narrowing at him as a sarcastic barb passed her lips… her brilliant smile, shining brighter than the yellow sun ever could…

"No," he said, shaking the image of her from his brain. He couldn't go back there. He couldn't allow himself to think about her or he'd feel again. He couldn't. He wouldn't. "I've come this far, and I'm not looking back. I can do this."

And with that, he pulled himself back from his memories and forced his mind back into training. This time, he wasn't going to fail. Only progress.

As the Fortress faded away from his view, he found the night sky materializing around him. Wind whipped past his face, cold and unrelenting as the stars and full moon shined down on him. Looking ahead, he found himself staring at the unmistakable twinkling skyline of New York City. Looking across the dark water, The Empire State Building, the pinnacle landmark of the city, stared back at him amidst the seemingly never ending collection of buildings and skyscrapers. As he took in the view, the long arm of Lady Liberty stretched out in front of his gaze, alerting to him to the fact that he was standing on top of the Statue of Liberty, once again. He had stood here many times, but the view never seemed to get old. But that wasn't why he was here. No, he had a task to complete. His gaze fell to the solid concrete and dark bay waters below him, seemingly growing further away as he stared. But he couldn't let the fear control him. He simply had to leap. So he did.

He rocketed downwards like a speeding bullet, charging towards the Earth. His body pierced the night sky like an arrow and he willed himself to use his momentum to take flight. He thought of anything and everything that would help him unlock his blocked ability. His thoughts were no longer filled with birds, planes, or meteors, but instead with the feeling of duty, honor, and strength. He had less than several seconds now before he reached the bottom. He tried to pull up, to level him body with the ground, but it was coming at him too fast. He couldn't stop. He was done for. He was going to—

The Fortress materialized in front of him once more and he fought the urge to punch the crystalline structure in front of him. What was wrong with him? Why couldn't he do it? He was failing himself and his destiny if he couldn't fly. But would he really be flying in a simulation? No, he needed to practice in the real world, but Jor-El wouldn't allow him.

"Isn't it time to move beyond these mental trials?" he asked. If he was able to practice for real, he was sure that he would get the hang of it. He had to.

"Your determination is strong, my son, but just as your passion will be your greatest strength, so, too, will it be your greatest obstacle," he answered. He never gave him a straight answer, but instead some sort of lesson or riddle. For artificial intelligence, he never seemed to be able to state clearly what he needed to do. And passion? What passion? Wasn't he supposed to get rid of his emotions? They're what ruined everything in the first place.

"Jimmy died because of me, and I can't afford to let another mistake like that happen," he said, his tone steely as he tried to keep any painful memories from stirring up his emotions. "You sent me here to fulfill a destiny. Tell me what you need from me."

All he wanted was a straight answer, but he wasn't surprised when he didn't get one. This time, however, what he said struck a chord with him.

"Kal-El, you do not need me to tell you what is standing in your way. You already know, and you know what you need to do."

He didn't want to admit it. He couldn't. If he admitted the truth behind what was holding him back, it would mean that everything he had done in the past few weeks had been for nothing. He hadn't changed, he hadn't grown, he was still the same man he used to be. But Jor-El was right. Burying the truth wouldn't help him become who he needed to be and the truth was staring him right in the face. He wanted to ignore it, to deny everything that he had been feeling since he saw her again, but he couldn't anymore. She was what was holding him back. She was the one hindering him from his destiny. She was the key to unlocking his ability to fly. She was the answer to everything.

"I have to say goodbye to her."

Jor-El had given him a break from his training after his last failed attempt at learning to fly. Though he had asked if he could move on to a different part of his training in place of it, Jor-El only reiterated the fact that he wouldn't be able to concentrate on anything until he figured out how to get his emotions and thoughts under control. So he sent him home to think. He had been staying at the Fortress for the past few weeks, but his father suggested that he go back to the place he was raised. If he was able to go to the farm and keep his emotions under control, then perhaps he would improve. The only problem was that he had already been back to the farm since he started his training. Jor-El just didn't know.

After he told Chloe that Clark Kent was gone, he had retreated to the Fortress. He stayed there every moment there wasn't a cry for help. It was only when he heard the unmistakable whine from Shelby that he knew he couldn't completely leave that part of him behind. But at the end of the day, he had rationalized that Shelby was innocent and couldn't take care of himself. If he heard the cries of someone starving or dying of thirst, would he ignore them? Of course not. So he made sure to return at least once a day to ensure that his food and water bowls were never empty. But tonight would be different. Tonight would be the first time he had spent in his old home since he gave up that part of his life. He wasn't sure how it was going to affect him and he couldn't lie, it frightened him. But he had to overcome his fears or he could never be who needed to be.

It took him all of ten minutes to get from the Arctic back to the Kent farm. He had been working on his speed the past few weeks and was determined to get as close to the speed of light as he could. As he came to a stop at the familiar white wooden door on the back porch, he couldn't believe he was back here. It felt like years since he had stood on this porch, though it had only been a couple of weeks. He put a hand on the doorknob and hesitated. He wasn't sure why, but something felt… off. It wasn't that it felt wrong or dangerous, but there was a feeling creeping up on him that he couldn't identify. The house seemed empty from the outside and all the lights were off, but he had the strangest feeling about entering the his old home. Whatever it was though, he could handle it. It's what he'd been training for. So he pushed the door open and stepped inside.

The air that greeted him was warm, but not uncomfortable. The house smelled like it always did, but there was something inviting about it that he couldn't quite place. It looked the same as how he'd left it so many weeks ago, but there was something off about it. It was unnerving, but again, it didn't feel like he was in any danger. Shelby's food and water bowls had been touched, he could see small food pebbles littering the floor, but they were still full enough. It was going on four in the morning, so he was most likely still asleep. He tuned in his hearing to check in on him and sure enough, he heard the steady thumping on his heart as he slept. But his wasn't the only heartbeat he heard.

He stopped in his tracks.

The steady thumping sound filled his ears and reverberated down his spine, all the way to his toes. For weeks, he had dreamed of hearing this sound again. He had strained his ears as he searched globe, trying to find any sign or sound that would lead him to finding its source, but he had been disappointed with every move he made. But here it was. Here she was.

Lois.

He couldn't have stopped himself, even if he tried, which he did. In his mind, he fought against his instincts with every fiber of his being, but his heart and his legs had other plans. It was as if he was possessed. While his mind screamed at him to flee, he moved silently up the stairs and closed in on the sound of her heartbeat until it was thundering all around him. His bedroom door was cracked, but the light was off. As he tuned in his hearing, he could also hear her steady breathing. It made his legs shake. Placing his hand against the door, he gently pushed it open, grimacing when it creaked. But it didn't matter. The lump in his bed didn't move, but the one in his throat did.

There, wrapped up in his sheets, dressed only in his flannel, sprawling her limbs all across the mattress, was none other than Lois Lane. And God, was she a sight for sore eyes. The moonlight peeked through his window and highlighted her olive skin, which all but glowed in the ethereal lighting. Her head was turned towards him and a peaceful smile graced her features as she slept, while her arms and legs looked as if she had gone to battle with his bedsheets. He could have laughed or cried at the sight if he had allowed himself to, but he managed to stay silent. Instead, he simply stared. She was stunning. She was beautiful. She was here.

He couldn't do it. With every second he stood there, he felt his emotions rushing back to him and he knew without a shadow of a doubt that he couldn't say goodbye to her. He wouldn't. Not now. The hold she had on his heart and soul was inexplicable, but he knew that he couldn't let her go, even if he tried. And he didn't want to try anymore. He had missed her. He needed her. He loved her.

His back hit the wall with a thud as the realization hit him and he held his breath as he watched her frown and turn slightly. A soft groan left her mouth and she shifted slightly, but her eyes thankfully didn't open, though a small part of him wished they would. He hadn't seen her eyes since the day he lost her and he wanted nothing more than to gaze into the hazel sea that twinkled when she smiled at him. But what was he supposed to say to her? Here he was, watching her as she slept after not seeing a trace of her for three weeks. He had left her cousin all alone during her biggest moment of need and renounced everything about his humanity. She would be angry at him. She'd be disappointed. She would hate him. And he wouldn't be able to handle that, not after pushing away all of his guilt and pain for so long.

But despite these fears, he needed to know where she had been. He had scoured the entire Earth several times over and had found no sign of her. Had he been able to fly, he would have search outer space too. But she had vanished without a trace and he didn't understand how or why. He needed answers and he needed them now. He walked slowly towards her, taking care not make any noise, then sat delicately on the edge of the bed. It shifted under his weight, but she didn't move. God, he could smell her. His eyes shut involuntarily as he basked in the unique scent she possessed and allowed it to fill his lungs until it consumed his soul. When he opened them again, he couldn't resist the temptation to touch her. Delicately, he brushed his fingers against the soft trestles of chocolate hair that fell across her neck. The silky texture against his skin was almost too much to bear and as he grazed his fingers against her smooth cheek, he almost let out a whimper.

He was in heaven.

But the moment was shattered when once again, she frowned and shifted, mumbling something incoherent as her leg came into contact with his hip. Frozen, he sat there still as a statue as sleepy eyes slowly blinked and squinted up at him.

"Smallville?" she mumbled, her voice still laced with sleep. His heart leapt to his throat. Her voice, though scratchy with sleep, was the most wonderful sound he had ever heard in his entire life. He had dreamt about hearing the familiar nickname pass her lips for weeks and to hear it now, finally, after all he had been through, was absolute bliss. He didn't answer, just stared as her eyes fluttered shut again and she sighed. Part of him was glad that she hadn't fully woken up, but the other part of him wanted nothing more than to talk to her. As much as he wanted that, he also knew that four in the morning wasn't the right time to have that conversation. She needed to rest and he needed to think.

"Just sleep, Lois," he whispered. It suddenly came to his attention that his hand was still absently stroking her cheek when he felt her hand grab his before trailing down his arm and falling back against the mattress. Her touch left a trail of fire on his skin. It was the first human contact he'd had since he left the human world, aside from the brief touches he'd had to make when he was making saves in Metropolis. It was amazing what just her touch made him feel, which was an all-consuming need to be with her. Just that touch was enough to tell him that he wouldn't be able to let her go, not now.

He wasn't sure how long he sat there watching her. He couldn't get enough. The sight of her before him and the steady sounds of her combined breathing and heartbeats put him in a trance that didn't break until he noticed the sky beginning to light up. It was then that he knew he had to go. Knowing her, she wouldn't wake up for several more hours, but if he didn't leave now, he never would. He needed time to think about what he was going to do. Jor-El would no doubt be disappointed in how he allowed himself to succumb to his emotions after all of his training, but he couldn't find the energy to care right now. Lois was back and that meant more to him than anything he had learned over the past few weeks. She filled his heart and soul with a feeling he couldn't fully explain, but he knew he needed it more than anything.

He finally stood, careful not to disturb her sleep anymore, and slowly retreated, never taking his eyes off of her. As he slipped out of the room, he took one last look at her sleeping figure, burning the image into his mind, before shutting the door with a soft click. As he stood outside his bedroom door, he let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding in. Lois was back, she was home. And he was never letting her go again.