"Bye, Sango! Good to see you!" Kagura calls with a wave as she heads toward the front doors.
"Bye, Kagura! It was good to see you, too." I wave at her over my desk, straining to see her over the heaps of papers and files. There is a small mountain in front of me, and I wouldn't doubt if she could only see the top of my head from the hall.
As ADA, my job has been crazy lately. Most of the cases we are dealing with right now are interspecies and require filing with both sides of the court. Human, and yokai. My position is very much a go-between for both factions these days, though I don't mind that much outside of the amount of paperwork.
I am always happy to hear about more necessity to better integrate the yokai and human worlds. A few decades ago, it was unheard of for the human and yokai courts to share cases. Back then, you had to have fully separate cases open if there was an interspecies issue. This, clearly, was not ideal for anyone and led to a lot of problems.
The paperwork took ages to file, and judgments were often delayed well past the estimated resolution window. When my mother took over the job from my grandmother, that was when things began to really change. She spearheaded the Integration Act, which allowed all legal paperwork to be filed jointly to protect people whose lives were in the most danger.
Now, it's almost a seamless overlap between the two where both courts will decide which cases they would like to hear exclusively on their side. Those decisions made by the opposite court will be upheld for both the human and yokai sides. This change alone has saved countless lives, and I can't overstate how much it has helped in this case with Kagome. However, the segregated courts can still make for some hostile environments toward one side or the other depending on the case.
As far as governing bodies go, the two factions couldn't be more separate. The demon side of the court is exclusively demon, and the human side is exclusively human. Because of this, whichever side is making the decision does so without any outside input that may be helpful in the decision-making process. My mother and I have been working day and night to rectify this and spearheaded the creation of a single unit that can make decisions for everyone.
Ever since the feudal era, humans and yokai have tended to be distrustful of one another. There was murder the whole way around, and each side had a good reason to fear the other. As time progressed, some important figureheads helped bridge the gap and reach a collective truce so that neither species would eliminate the other.
Since then, there have been several vocal groups of humans and demons alike that protest and detest this change. Many of them want the two groups to be even more segregated, and they are constantly letting us know that is how they feel. Though, that won't deter me or my mother in our mission to make things easier for everyone. Fortunately for us, when all of this was established there was a truce treaty that divided up the power between the different clans and factions.
They founded the legal system as it stands today, and it is instrumental in keeping the peace, though the only flaw in their system is that too much influence and power on any side could disrupt the entire balance put in place. The Shikon priestesses were meant to be the balance keepers, as they already held the tumultuous fight within the Jewel in its own precarious balance. But their place in history was completely lost, and after all was said and done, they fell off the face of the planet.
There are rumors about different family lines maintaining ownership of the Jewel, but nothing concrete enough to believe a fairy tale when the system is working just fine. Most recently, I've heard many assume Kaede, Kikyo, or Kagome's families could all be connected in one form or another. I don't feed into that gossip, though, and it really is productive for my job or our societal stability. Would locating the Jewel possibly be a huge shifting point for all of existence? Probably. Would it also be a massive threat to everyone if it fell into the wrong hands? Undoubtedly.
The distant clacking of very expensive heels has me peeking up over my pile of papers, knowing who will be on the other side.
"Hello, Sango." Sayaka Hiraikotsu stands in my office with a fake smile plastered on her face. "You have been gone for a while. We are glad to have you back." She says with a slight nod.
"Hello, Ma'am. Took you a long time to make it over here." I note. She shakes her head at me. She clicks her tongue at me before moving to shut my door and draw the blinds on the glass windows that allow anyone in the office to see into my space. She pulls a chair around to my side of the desk and yanks off her uncomfortable shoes with a sigh.
"I waited to come see you all day because I knew I wouldn't be able to get back to work once I came in here. How is she?" The woman in front of me transforms into the soft, caring mother I know and love. She doesn't like to show this side of herself in public, especially when working. She wants people to continue to view her as the ruthless cutthroat DA she is.
"She's not doing great, mom. I'm so worried about her." I drop my head in my hands and lean into my mother as she wraps her arms around me.
"Oh, my babies. What am I going to do with you?" She whispers.
She begins to stroke my hair, and I let myself really break down for the first time in days. Between my sobs, I recount all of the details to my mother, who stays remarkably calm. I can see through it, though. Underneath her matter-of-fact demeanor is a shark who smells blood in the water. After several minutes, I pull back and grab a few tissues to begin to collect myself.
"I want him buried." She says, eyes narrow with rage. "I am taking over from here." She says resolutely.
"Won't that show favoritism or be a conflict of interest?" I ask.
"Not in my opinion. I am your mother, not Kagome's. In fact, I think that personally working on this case in your stead could be good. It means someone a little more removed will be able to do the dirty work." She looks proud of herself as she pulls her shoulders back. She pauses, thinking before her eyes light up. "You know, this would be a fantastic first case for our new joint council to hear!"
"Of all the cases for the joint council to take, this may be one of the most important. There are lives at risk." I pause, collecting myself before switching back to my professional mask. There will be no more tears today. "I'll be in the office at least one day a week, Mom. There's too much going on here for me to let it get over my head."
"Great. If it's an emergency and you really can't make it in, just let me know directly. I will take care of it. But I expect dinner with you and the Higurashi's soon. I think we all need to catch up again, and I have a new recipe I've been dying to make for someone." I laugh at her enthusiasm and nod. She was always good at breaking tension.
"I think some time with family would do Kagome very well, actually. I'll set something up as soon as I can." I squeeze her hand. She begins to stand before looking back at me very seriously.
"And tell that brother of yours that he needs to come and bring his girlfriend; Gods know he'll only listen to you. I want to see this girl a few more times before they end up engaged, and I barely know the woman my son is marrying," she says.
"It's been two whole years with Rin now, hasn't it? This is the longest relationship he's ever had." I muse. I suppose there may be wedding bells in their future.
"She seems like a nice girl, and your brother seems happy." She looks at me intently. "What is going on with you and Inuyasha? I heard he is seeing Kikyo." She asks, lowering her brows at me skeptically. I roll my eyes, but my face heats, and I can tell I'm blushing.
"Mom," I chastise. "We have bigger fish to fry than me and Inuyasha. As far as I know, he is seeing Kikyo again, at least casually." I try to keep my face from falling at the words, but I am not successful.
"Eww." She wrinkled her nose in distaste. "Why would he see her again? Isn't she with Miroku now? That is what I hear from on the grapevines," she said.
I laugh at her poor grasp of colloquialisms but don't bother correcting her. There is a history between me, Kikyo, and Miroku that I don't ever feel I want to discuss with my mother. I leave her with a vague response instead.
"I'm not surprised. Those two deserve each other. I wouldn't be surprised if she just threw herself at Inuyasha anyway, though. You know how desperate he's always been for her. He would fold at almost no prodding. It's codependent." I say, and I can't keep the disgust out of my voice.
"Hmm." Is her simple response. She decides not to say any more on the matter, but I know what she's thinking. She's always wanted Inuyasha and me to be together, and she doesn't understand why we've been dancing around it for years.
The truth is, I have no idea what's happening between me and Inuyasha. There is undeniable sexual tension there, but we've had that forever. We also have a meaningful friendship and emotional connection that has left me leaning on him the entire time we've known each other. He is a caring person, and watching him try to help Kagome has melted my heart. But what does any of that mean for a relationship? For something bigger? Fuck if I know.
"Alright, Mom, I have to get going. I'm grabbing dinner for everyone on my way home." I say, slipping my discarded shoes back on from under my desk. I glance at the clock again and see that it's already 6:30.
"Okay. Don't forget to call your brother." She also works to pull her shoes back on, like mother like daughter. We both stand, and she gives me another hug and a kiss on the cheek before spinning around to open the door and make her way back to her office.
After my call with Inuyasha on the drive home, I know where I'll find the two of them when I make it up the stairs. I set down the bags of food on the dresser and start opening them to spread everything out. It's eerily quiet as they wait for me to address them directly. I spin around and see that they're sitting close together, with Inuyasha's arm around Kagome's shoulders. She is fiddling with her fingers nervously in her lap.
"What is this?" I ask, gesturing between them and not disguising my irritation.
"A side effect of the yoki exchange." He says matter of factly, clearly, he was expecting this.
"Oh. Is that why I want to be close to you?" she asks innocently. Of course, he hasn't explained it to her yet. Anger flares up inside of me again.
"Yes. Shit." He turns and gives her his full attention. "I'm so sorry. I meant to explain it to you earlier, but we got distracted. The more I use for your mark, the more it will enhance the feelings between us and our desire to be around each other. But I would never do anything that put you in danger or crossed your boundaries. Just let me know when you need space, and I'll give it no problems. So far, I've been giving you the reigns." He explains, but before she can respond, I interrupt.
"Enhance. Not create. So there are feelings there already." I say, glaring at his arm around Kagome,
"Don't do this, Sango." He sighs.
"Do what?" I challenge, daring him to call me crazy.
"You know what. This is innocent, and Kagome is safe here." 'Safe', he says, as though she isn't fragile. He may not mean to hurt her, but he's got a knack for hurting women who are close to him without meaning to. Idiot.
"Yeah, until you lead her on and then go back to fucking your ex like you always do," I yell at him, my voice raising with my frustration. It's a low blow, and it's not exactly coming from a place of pure concern for Kagome, but it's true and needs to be said.
"This seems personal, I'm gonna go." Kagome whispers, slipping out of his grasp and starting to stand.
"Stay," I say. She needs to hear this, too. "My mom asked about you today, you know. She wants to know why the fuck you're seeing Kikyo again." I tell him. He laughs back at me.
"She did not!" he argues.
"She totally did! And I didn't even tell her about it. Apparently, you two are the talk of the town." I say sarcastically.
"It's been like a week, and I saw her once, at least in person." He growls, scrubbing a hand over his face. I chose not to ask what that meant, especially since my memory has enough visuals of Inuyasha's cock staring back at me through a phone screen to imagine exactly what it meant.
"I don't even know what all of this means yet." He says, pulling himself out of the bed to stand. He claws a hand through his hair in obvious distress, and it almost lowers my guard. Almost.
Suddenly, the bedroom door bursts open, and in walks one of the people I want to see the absolute least right now. And always, but especially now. My barely contained rage rushes up to the surface.
"Phenomenal timing as always, Kikyo," I say, rolling my eyes.
"Sango," she responds, saying my name like it's a curse. "It's awfully cute of you to be so worried about my relationship with Inuyasha." Well, she was clearly eavesdropping.
'And what about your relationship with your boyfriend?" I reply.
"Are we still bitter about our ex, darling? Sango, that's so sad. It's been years." She counters.
"Says the girl who keeps fucking hers even though she's in a relationship," I respond.
"What can I say? I'm just that insatiable, I suppose. Funny how I'm always taking what you thought you had all to yourself."
"Yeah, it is. Are you weirdly obsessed with me or something? Can't have me, so you have to get as close as you can with my leftovers?" It's a shitty thing to say, but I'm seeing red.
"Oh, sweetie. Only one of us here is a dyke." She spits the slur at me, and it takes everything I have to keep my hands at my sides. Before I have a chance to respond, Inuyasha cuts in,
"Hey! Enough," He says and starts to rush her out the door with barely a glance in our direction. He leaves the door cracked while the two of them argue in the hallway. "That was fucked up, Kikyo. Who says that?" I hear him scold her from the hall.
"I see why you hate her," Kagome says, inching closer to me now that there's more space on the bed. I sit down next to her.
"I can't believe he invited her over when he was supposed to be keeping you company."
"Well, it is kind of late; I'm sure he figured you'd be home by now. Besides, as usual, I don't need a babysitter. Are you sure you aren't just jealous?" Kagome looks up at me, eyes sparkling in amusement. I nudge her with my elbow.
"I am not jealous! Stop." I bristle, a blush rising to my cheeks.
"Oh, really? Then why are you blushing?" She teases, and her smile is enough to dissipate some of my anger and frustration.
"Because I'm mad at him for letting her come over! I hate her, and I live here now too!" I say.
"Have you told him not to invite her over?" She asks.
"No, but he knows how much I hate her. He should know better." I reply.
"Tell him that you goof!" she says, nudging me back with her elbow. "He's not a mind reader, but I guarantee he'll stop if you say something. Inuyasha is a good person who cares about you. Let your guard down a little," she says, and I'm struck by the sincerity in her words. She isn't wrong.
"When did you get so insightful?" I ask.
"I've always been this way! I just suck at doing it for myself." She says, giggling in a way that makes my heart flutter. Suddenly, the volume outside the bedroom door picks up loud enough for us both to hear them clearly again.
"Fine. If Sango and some idiot who let herself get fucked up by a wolf are more important than me, then I'll leave. But just know this, Inuyasha. When you want someone who isn't pathetic and broken and battered to take care of, you'll need to crawl back on your knees. Good luck with your giant mess of baggage." She spits the words, and violent rage surges in my chest. I hear her start to retreat, and something inside of me forces me up and out the door. I know I'm riding on a lot of emotions, but I don't have the restraint to stop myself.
"How fucking dare you! Say what you want about me; I don't give a shit. But how dare you say that about Kagome. About someone you don't even know! Someone who's suffering you couldn't even comprehend!" I'm screaming as I loom over her, and she seems to shrink back at my words, but it's not enough. My body moves without thinking, and I lunge for her, wanting to knock her to the ground in my primal protective fury. Suddenly, arms are around my waist holding me back.
"No, Sango! Don't. It's not worth it." Inuyasha says, and his voice brings me back enough that I let myself fall limp in his arms. He holds me upright while I regain my composure, panting while I do.
"You see! This is what you want in your life!" Kikyo yells, crocodile tears falling from her eyes and down her face. Her makeup stays perfectly in place. "Whatever. I'm out of here, enjoy your sluts." She says as she descends down the steps, slamming the front door behind her as she leaves.
"You okay." He asks, arms still wrapped tight around my waist. I shake my head, and his exasperated sigh ruffles my hair with how close he is to me. "I'm so sorry. That was so fucked up. You have every right to be pissed." He says, and I feel tears prick my eyes. I fight them off and take a deep breath.
"For tonight, can we just let it go? I'm fucking exhausted." I ask, not ready to talk about any of this and unsure when I will be.
"Of course. Come on." He agrees, but instead of his arms disconnecting from me, he hauls me up over his shoulder and takes me back to his bedroom.
"Inuyasha!" I call out in surprise and hear Kagome snicker from the bed. When I plop down next to her she is at my side instantly and pressed against me.
"Thank you. For standing up for me." She whispers against my chest.
"Always," I respond.
Before long, we're all watching a shitty movie and falling asleep in a pile of limbs.
I'm already on my second mile on the treadmill when I hear footsteps on the stairs to the basement. I came down here to clear my head a little. Last night was wonderful and terrible, but I really enjoyed spending time with Inuyasha and Kagome. We all ended up falling asleep together, and I woke up this morning wrapped up in them. I loved it.
That's where the running comes in. I feel like a disgusting, selfish person for the direction my thoughts headed the moment I woke up, especially after my angry display last night. Which one? Take your pick; I was in a rough spot.
I have very strong feelings for both Inuyasha and Kagome and the closer we all get, the more I want something with both of them. I am obviously not looking to pursue anything right now. Inuyasha is doing whatever with Kikyo again, and that never goes well. He isn't the same person when he's with her.
Kagome is still recovering from her relationship with Koga, and the absolute last thing she needs right now is to jump into something with someone else. She needs to focus on herself and figure out what her desires and needs are without another person to factor in. But none of these rational thoughts stem the desire. Even thinking about Kikyo and Inuyasha naked together won't stop my body from responding to him all the time.
I've been single for two years now. My relationship with Miroku burned up in flames, and after that, I was too guarded to date anyone seriously. It's taken me this long to feel like I can maybe trust another person the way I did him, and then that person turns around and starts fucking their ex. Again.
Don't get me wrong, Inuyasha and I weren't ever exclusive or anything. But we've been friends with benefits for the last (almost) decade on and off, lending a hand whenever the other had too long of a dry spell. We slept together for a while in college before I got spooked and jumped ship for Miroku. Not long after that, he met Kikyo, so I thought it was all for the best.
When he and Kikyo broke up for the first time right at the same time Miroku and I ended things, it was natural for us to seek solace in one another. When they got back together not long after that, it was just me, my vibrator, and the very occasional fling for a couple of years.
When Kikyo ended things again, for Miroku no less, we fell back into old habits. Now, here we are again in this never-ending cycle. For a bit, I was toying with the idea of asking him if we could define the relationship again, and then Kikyo charged back in like a tornado and fucked everything up. Again. I put my walls back up and guarded myself so that I don't get hurt in a way I can't recover from.
Kikyo charging in last night really solidified the absurdity of my desires and feelings. This isn't the Sango show; I don't get everything I've ever wanted. Instead, I just get to have unrequited and misplaced feelings for my two best friends. But that's my cross to bear. Now, I just need to decide how I'm approaching this with Inuyasha. And that, I'm going to have to think about.
"Sango?" Kagome asks, pulling me from my thoughts. She is dressed in a t-shirt and rubbing sleep from her eyes.
"Hey, hun. You okay?" I ask, jumping off the treadmill. The room spins a little as I adjust to walking on solid ground again, but I don't let it slow me down as I pull her into my arms.
"I had a nightmare." At my expression, she holds up a hand. "Inuyasha was there, so I'm alright, don't worry, but I have a question." She begins. I lead her over to the nearby lounge chairs and sit down.
"Of course. Ask me anything." I pack away all of my baggage so I can give her my undivided attention.
"Could I please have Kaede's number? I was wondering if she could help me with my Reiki. I can't…" She pauses, holding out her hand. It's empty, and she glares at it with dismay.
"She's actually already in your phone. She thought this might come up. She said you can call or text her anytime." I explain. I pull her phone out of her hand and search through the contacts, pulling up Kaede's name.
"Oh, okay. Thank you." She sounds surprised, and the idea that I'm on board for her to talk to Kaede is surprising. "I guess I'll message her." She pauses for a moment and looks at me a little closer.
"Are you okay?" I ask
"Yeah." She pauses, brows crinkled. "I wasn't expecting you to be okay with it, I guess. Old habits die hard," she says, picking at her nails to keep from looking at me.
"It's going to take some time to get used to all the changes." I offer the words, but she shakes her head before changing the subject.
"Are you okay? You looked upset when I came down. And after last night…" She trails off.
"I'm fine," I respond automatically, but she sees right through me.
"Don't lie to me. I know you better than everyone." She glares.
"Don't worry about it, Kags. Last night was fine."
"It clearly wasn't, San. You had a lot of bottled-up feelings. If this is about me spending time alone with Inuyasha, I think we should talk about it." She insists, and I'm beyond proud of her for sticking up for herself, even if it's a little bit of a pain in my ass.
"No, no. It's not-" I take a deep breath. "Look, I just don't want to see you seek comfort in the wrong ways. You just got out of a long relationship that hurt you. You're still healing. You aren't ready for something else." I explain.
"Let me decide what I'm ready for, Sango! I get to decide how I heal and how I move on. If I make a stupid decision, then fine. I'll learn from it just like I do through everything else-"
"But do you? Do you learn? Because from where I'm sitting, you like to let yourself suffer." The words are harsh, and I realize immediately that they're too harsh. I fight to get a grip on myself. Her face solidifies into a mask, and I know she's slammed her walls up to protect herself. "Sorry, that was wrong of me to say. I just… I worry about you, Kagome." I say. I reach out a hand to her, but she brushes it off.
"This is a moot point. Nothing is happening between me and Inuyasha, okay?" She insists, not looking at me. I realize quickly that she needs me to trust her, to show her that this isn't like what she has experienced before.
"I believe you. And if there is, you're right; it isn't my business. I'm sorry if I made you feel like you don't have autonomy here." I say sincerely.
"If you have an issue with something, you have to talk to me. You can't keep pretending you don't have feelings so I don't have to see them until you blow up." She says, and I let my head fall to my hands in exasperation.
"Okay." I sigh, and she looks back at me carefully with a raised brow. "I'll do my best," I assure her. She's right not to trust me on that. I'm not sure if I can do it, but I can at least try.
"Thank you. I don't want to fight with you. I just feel like I need more communication. Around everything, not just the things you think I can handle." She says. I nod absently at her.
"On that note, can I ask you something?" I prompt. I take a few deep drinks of my water to quench my suddenly very dry throat before continuing.
"I was talking to Inuyasha over the weekend, and I learned something about a friend of his. Have I ever mentioned Shiori?" I ask
"No, I don't think so." She says.
"I only know her through him, but I learned a couple of days ago that she dated Koga several years ago," I explain. Her body tenses.
"Yeah?" She asks, hesitant.
"She went through a lot of the same things you did. I thought maybe you could sit down and talk with her. She'll be in town in two weeks and said she would love to have coffee with you." I say, hopeful she'll agree. She takes a minute, mulling the information over before responding.
"Okay," she says, her voice shaking. She takes a deep breath, and her next words are stronger. "Yeah, okay. I want to do that." She agrees.
At that moment I'm so proud of her. I know how scary it must be to face that, but her conviction is inspiring. She constantly surprises me and shows me that she is so much stronger than I give her credit for. Maybe that's a failing on my end, but I will continue trying to give her everything she's worth.