Sessions
"…"
"Dr. Kaia Jha, March twentieth. The following recordings are patient sessions for the week of March twelfth to March nineteenth. Overall assessment is mixed. I fear that a transitional period, brought on by a rash choice made by our illustrious captain, is threatening the progress made since the crew was formed. The related session is marked in this log for later review."
000
"This week began with a visit from Samus. She is more likely to seek me out than the rest of the crew as of late. I believe our relationship has improved to the point she is no longer concerned about how open she can be during our sessions."
000
"… alright. Now then, Samus, tell me what's on your mind today."
"Sigh… I'm stressed. The last few missions have been… they've made me anxious. It's all just been building and building and I can't… I can't seem to release any of it."
"What about them has you so anxious?"
"They've taken us to more and more populated places. This isn't how I like to do things, but so far the New Brain sent all its shipments to planets with people on them."
"Hm. Yes, I suppose your usual missions involved uninhabited space stations and the ruins of ancient civilizations."
"I know they can't all be like that. Sometimes I have to take what's available to meet our costs. But pursuing the Venture is spiraling us further into Federation space. I just keep thinking it's a matter of time before I'm too late to some major city and we lose a core world, or we cause an incident. It'd be one thing if it were just me. I can control those outcomes, I can take accountability for myself, but now I have people in my command I have to consider. Like Adrian. I'm glad she's progressing, but that screwup on Pyralis could have leveled a city block."
"Samus, part of being a leader means putting your faith in those who follow you. You cannot control every inevitability."
"But I should. I have to. I have to plan for those outcomes, be ready to head them off. I'm better than that, I need to be. Especially when lives are on the line."
"Is that why you so often split off on your own? You were separated from the rest of the crew on their maiden mission. What thoughts do you have on this?"
"Not that different from when I was on the Izanagi. I was on my own, got careless, and underestimated the situation. I'm lucky I only got knocked out both times."
"The same thing happened twice. Perhaps there is a lesson to be learned there."
"And what's that?"
"That it's time for you to stop going off alone and start trusting in your team."
"I had no idea if you were all alive anymore."
"Yet if you had faith and waited a mere ten minutes, you would not have been caught off guard, alone. Perhaps now they've earned enough trust that you'll consider things differently in the future?"
"I can't just stand by in situations like that. I have to take action as the situation occurs. That's just how the job is."
"Mm. I'm seeing a pattern. It sounds like your stress is self-imposed. You demand too much of yourself. Perhaps it would be wise to look to your future and think about when you want to hang up the helmet and leave these stressors behind. You're almost thirty years old now Samus, most people in your profession call it quits by then. Years of physical and mental hardship take their toll around this point, and certainly you have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of your life."
"Most people don't have a slew of genetic modifications. I'll be healthy and young longer than your average person. And I've gotten injured, sure, but nothing lasting. I don't have a reason to stop."
"No reason to stop? Then let's flip that answer. What reason do you have to continue?"
"The New Brain-"
"Besides that. Once you settle this matter, why go on risking your life?"
"…"
"Samus?"
"I'm thinking. I suppose… well, it used to be because the galaxy needed my help. At least it felt that way."
"Used to?"
"It doesn't feel like that anymore. The pirates are gone, and the Federation doesn't call on me as often as they once did. When they do, I'm suspicious of it. I'm never sure if the person handing me the job is someone legitimately trying to deal with a problem or someone trying to get rid of me."
"Is that why you've avoided Federation contracts since setting out with the crew?"
"That, and my most dangerous missions are usually those kinds of jobs."
"You don't trust the crew to handle missions of that magnitude?"
"Sometimes I haven't even trusted myself to handle them."
"Has that changed, then? Now that you're taking a Federation contract to transport hazardous materials."
"… a little, probably. I don't think anything will go wrong, it's just a simple delivery job. I'm hoping, at least."
"Let's circle back to the question at hand, though. If the galaxy supposedly doesn't need your help anymore, what is your motivation?"
"… I… I don't know. Maybe I think I'd be restless… time between missions usually makes me anxious. Could be I just know nothing else at this point. It's been a long time since I wasn't training or fighting. This is my normal."
000
"Samus has grown more open and honest with me over time. Her progress and emotional awareness have been encouraging to witness."
000
"Arrande has elected to see me as little as possible. Today, he had to be forced into a session by the captain. To say he has been adversarial would be an understatement."
000
"…"
"…"
"… well, I would say this is your time that you paid for and you can be as quiet as you like, but strictly speaking, you're here on your boss's dime."
"I don't need to be here."
"Oh?"
"I don't. I don't need help. I sleep like a baby. You know why? Because I don't regret having to kill anything that I've killed. Every single life I've taken lived in such a way that they earned their death. And every single kill I've made ensures there's one less psychopath in the galaxy running around with a knife in their hand and blood in their mouth."
"Odd that killing is the first subject you bring up. A world of topics we could discuss, and this is what comes to mind?"
"Well, that's the root of it all, isn't it? You're a veteran specialist, you help people who can't come to terms with the terrible things they have to do as soldiers. Soldiers kill. But I don't have a problem with it."
"So you've made abundantly clear. If you're such a good soldier then, why are you here? Why not take the officer track if you are so well-adjusted that the horrors of war hold no sway over you?"
"… a good man has responsibilities. That's all."
"That's all?"
"That's all."
"… I must say, I am rather surprised you're still so resistant. You were a consummate gentleman when we went to the Ophidia Museum of Fine Art. It was a lovely evening."
"Ms. Jha, if you would like company and culture, I am happy to oblige. You are a wonderful bright spot in this crew as far as I am concerned, and a good man should treat his elders with consideration and care, especially if one politely offers to share her time with him. But when it comes to a man's thoughts and beliefs? The idea of forcing them out into the open does not sit well with me. Such things are better considered in solitude."
"Well, I suppose I will have to be content with that for now. And it's Doctor, Mr. Santino."
000
"Much of my sessions with Arrande continue to involve long bouts of silence. Unfortunately, if he does not want help, there is not much I can do. He seems to suffer from a common issue men have with therapy, that they believe it makes them weak."
000
"Adrian came for a session today. She does not seem to share her squadmate's brevity when finding topics of discussion."
000
"All my life, I've wanted to dedicate myself to some greater good. I never joined the military because my family has always mistrusted government authority. They'd disown me if I signed on to be part of the 'Federation machine.' But I always wanted to. The order, the certainty, knowing they're the line that keeps us safe… It's inspiring."
"Hm. I can certainly see that perspective. But the GFA is not the only driving force for peace in the galaxy. Now that you are a bounty hunter, you are in an excellent position to do good yourself."
"Man, a bounty hunter. All the paths I saw for myself in life. Never imagined I'd be a bounty hunter. And working with the legendary Samus Aran, even! It's beyond a dream. I catch myself shaking thinking about it sometimes!"
"You look up to her?"
"Look up to her? I idolize her. Samus is incredible. Everything about serving under her is exactly what I hoped it would be! She runs such a tight ship, and she doesn't take guff from anybody. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't a little exciting to hear her dressing down Arrande every time he gets smart. I swear she keeps him around just so she can remind us who's in charge when he inevitably steps out of line. If I had just an ounce of her confidence…"
"She is certainly a remarkable woman. However, you must also realize she's just as human as you and I."
"At first I wondered why she put me in charge of the fireteam. Arrande is an experienced vet and easily a better soldier than me. But I get it now. He has an issue respecting her. I'm shocked he's even on the team, to be honest. Maybe he doesn't ignore orders, but I know he'd push their limits if it suited him. He's a bit of a cowboy in that way. Still, he's had my back out there, so I'm glad he's here."
"Adrian-"
"Chowa is… strange. I'm not sure why Samus brought a Vorminian onto the crew. Their society is backwards, to be honest. And the Egenoids pulled a lot of dirty moves in the War of Tides. Every time I have to work with him — them, sorry — I get this creeping sensation up the back of my neck. It hasn't been all bad though, they clearly don't get human customs that much. It's actually been pretty funny. I don't completely understand them or where they're coming from, though. There's this sense I get off of them, like constant dissatisfaction."
"Adrian."
"Hm? Sorry, was I rambling?"
"Just a little."
000
"Latent distrust in crewmates aside, Adrian is quite forthcoming in our sessions. Almost overwhelmingly so, like releasing a pressure valve."
000
"Chowa's sessions test me. I am forced to put my own predispositions about Vorminians aside."
000
"Crewman Dr. Jha, is that for recording?"
"Yes Chowa. And you may call me either Kaia or Dr. Jha. There is no need for more than that."
"I understand, Dr. Jha. What are we to discuss in these private meetings?"
"Anything at all. I am here to evaluate the mental health of the members of this crew and guide them."
"Ah. So you shape the minds of the crew to more effectively perform our duties."
"You could put it like that, I suppose…"
"There are similar practices in Egenoid military structures. We surrender our doubts and concerns to specialized agents who then filter out what is nonessential and reaffirm our duties to the Stratocracy."
"I am aware of what an Egenoid war cleric is, yes. But my role is not quite the same. The human perspective is that a well-adjusted mind is better able to function in its day-to-day life. I am not here to tell you what you should or should not be feeling. I listen to your thoughts and feelings and help you manage them, providing guidance for your personal enrichment."
"For what purpose? How would this serve the needs of the crew?"
"Well, therapy serves the crew by ensuring negative emotions do not cloud your judgement or responsibilities, and that you have the tools you need to handle stressful situations. However, more important is the role it plays for you personally. Your well-being is the primary concern in these sessions, Chowa."
"… I do not understand."
000
"Chowa is a… work in progress."
000
"An addendum to one of my prior comments this week; Samus' openness with me apparently has its limits."
000
"Alright. Let's hear it."
"Hear what, Samus? Whyever would you think I have something prepared for you?"
"Because of Adam."
"Ah yes, that. Now that you mention it, please elaborate on what exactly in the hell you were thinking when you resurrected a dead man?"
"It was a fairly simple choice. Haught had a solution to a problem I've had for a while. I couldn't get him out of that head, Haught could."
"But it was your choice to put him in a body that looks that way. You could have chosen any other body. You didn't even have to make him look human! I… I apologize. I should not make this sound like an attack. It is not my job to judge your choices. But honestly, I cannot begin to list all the reasons this was a problematic decision. And I think you know that. You could have consulted me or any member of the crew before making this choice, but you didn't."
"I didn't think it was something the crew needed to know."
"Samus, you and I have fostered a good doctor-patient relationship so far. Do not mar that by lying to my face."
"… fine. I thought you might try to talk me out of it."
"Yes, I would have. I would have suggested you have him uploaded to the ship, or into an obviously robotic body, preferably one without a face. Now he's walking around the ship, talking with a dead man's voice. What I want to know is why? Why give him that face? What possessed you to make that choice?"
"… I'm dealt so many bad hands in life. I saw an opportunity, and I took it, even though I knew some people wouldn't approve. I know he's not the real Adam Malkovich, but seeing him again… makes me feel grounded. I think it puts him in a better position to compensate for my lack of leadership experience."
"... with the rise of personal androids in recent decades, psychologists have recognized a new psychological diagnosis. 'Artificial Replacement Syndrome.' Some people, upon losing friends or family members, end up going to great lengths to recreate their loved ones as androids. Many go into serious debt to try to replicate them as accurately as they can."
"I don't have to worry about that. Haught gave me a discount. Adam is completely paid off."
"There is more to the diagnoses than that, Samus! And I know you are intelligent enough to understand what else is at play. You are usually so willing to approach the subject of your emotional health, please don't deflect from the issue at hand."
"I know! I just… sorry, I don't think I'm ready to talk about this yet. Can we come back to it another time? I know I'm going to have to face this at some point, but for now… please just let me have this. For a little while. Please."
"… sigh… very well."
000
"I have dealt with veterans with acute ARS before. I did not expect Samus could fall victim to such a thing, given our prior sessions. In any case, I hope to address the matter further in the future."
000
"Adam approached me near the end of the week. While it makes me uncomfortable to consider him a subject for psychoanalysis, it grants me an opportunity to gain further insight into Samus' condition."
000
"I must say, I am rather surprised. I did not anticipate that an AI would seek psychotherapy."
"The structure of this body's synapses is very similar to your average human. But it's created a new dynamic within the crew. I have questions to ask, but I can't talk freely about them."
"So you're relying on doctor-patient confidentiality to explore yourself?"
"Yes. I don't want to disturb the crew."
"If your aim is to put the crew at ease, you're already doing quite a bit. I notice you're no longer speaking like a stilted computer."
"And yet you still seem uneasy."
"Do I?"
"Your heart rate is just above its normal resting rate."
"Now statements like that probably won't make the crew more comfortable. Though yes, how quickly you've adapted your mannerisms is somewhat disquieting."
"I understand why. The crew has already dealt with several rouge AI, and Mother Brain's reign of tyranny still haunts the Federation. Humanity has a complex about the idea of being replaced."
"We're drifting from the point of this session. You are free to ask any questions you like. I will treat you as I would any other member of this crew."
"First, since I know you're a former Federation information specialist, I should clarify that there are things about me you should not repeat to anyone. The kind of information that could draw the wrong attention. Understood?"
"That sounds awfully close to a threat, Adam."
"Good. You should take it seriously. So, can you keep a secret?"
"… yes. That's part of the job."
"I have to insist on more than your word. That recording needs to stop before I go further. There can't be any chance of someone stumbling across what I have to tell you."
000
"Given the sensitive nature of our discussion, I am not at liberty to make further comments on my session with Adam."
000
"At the end of the week, Samus sought another session. I attempted to address the subject of Adam, but she rebuffed me again. She focused instead on interpersonal relationships. I advised her as well as I could."
000
"I'm not sure what to do about Arrande."
"I have witnessed quite a lot of friction between you two. He can be abrasive, but I believe he's trying to remain professional."
"That's not what I mean. Our prior history has made things… difficult."
"Remember Samus, you are the captain of the ship. You are not beholden to keep him on the crew. You may release him whenever you like if his presence makes you uncomfortable."
"I know that. But if I did that now, I'd feel guilty about it."
"Why?"
"Our first day of shore leave, he chartered a shuttle to Worfane to visit his sick mother. I followed him. He's paying for her healthcare. I only found out about it when I went with him. I thought I was about to catch him up to something that would force me to boot him, but now…"
"Ah. I understand. That is quite the predicament you've put yourself in. You've mentioned a prior attraction to him. Has this situation caused feelings to resurface?"
"There weren't any feelings to begin with. What we had was just physical."
"That was a well-practiced deflection, Samus."
"… seeing him with his mother like that made him look more… I don't know…"
"Human?"
"Yes. That's a good way to say it. It made me think about why he's here. It's hard to be angry at him, given what I've seen."
"Are you attracted to him?"
"… no. Maybe. I don't know. He's still handsome. That hasn't changed. Can be charming when he's not trying to be a dick. But I also have to think about the crew dynamic."
"I see. Well, as your therapist, I would recommend you give this some time. Arrande is a young man, still maturing. Even someone halfway through their twenties doesn't completely have themselves figured out, despite what we may think when we are younger. And given how little time the two of you have known each other, it may be beneficial to give him time to show you more of who he is. You do not have to make an impulsive decision right away, like when you two first met. However…"
"Hm?"
"As a member of the crew myself, I would strongly recommend against pursuing a relationship with him while he is still on said crew. There is a reason the military frowns upon fraternization. It has a habit of clouding one's better judgment."
"…"
"Samus?"
"It's nothing. Here I thought you were going to say I should be honest with him and tell him now. Be open with my feelings and all that."
"Samus, when I say that you need to be open about your feelings, I mean with yourself. Confronting them is the only way to process them. With others, context matters. Will him knowing how conflicted you are help him do his job?"
"… no. Probably not. He'd probably find a way to be even more difficult."
"Then give it time. Eventually, you will know where you stand and whether it feels right to open up to him."
"It's more than that though… it's not just a matter of how I feel, or if it's right… but if I deserve it."
"Deserve? You don't believe you deserve to be loved?"
"Almost every single person I've ever cared about is dead. And the last two major romances of my life died right in front of me. I couldn't protect them. I'm terrified. I can feel myself getting closer to Arrande and I just keep wondering, how close do I have to get before it's his turn next? And how bad is it going to be this time?"
"Samus…"
"Ian's death shifted my entire perspective, but I grew up and changed and it became easier to forget how much losing him hurt. I threw myself into my work, made it so I didn't have time to get that attached to anyone else. But Cernan… that scar is still fresh. I still lay awake some nights wondering why he just gave up, and if I could have done something different. What if loving me is a curse? Gn… sniff… sorry…"
"Here, take these. My dear, what happened to them is not your fault."
"I don't know. At a certain point, the only one left standing is me. It's hard not to see the one common factor."
"I see why you might think that. But I assure you, there is no great universal conspiracy to kill your loved ones. I know Cernan's death is still an open wound for you. But if he ever felt the same way about you that you do about him, do you believe he would want you to be happy?"
"… yes. I think so."
"Then open yourself to accepting happiness when you find it. Know that you are worthy of it. I want that for you. He would want that for you. But you must be the one to make that choice."
000
"I am starting to see why Samus would want to 'reclaim' Adam's form given her stance on the loved ones she has lost. I suspect it is an effort to grab something back from a galaxy that continually takes from her, to feel like she has some measure of control. Sadly, I feel it is my duty to help her accept such opportunities are often destructive to our long-term well-being. She must be able to accept that the people we care for in life do eventually leave us. The best we can do is learn to process our grief and move on without them. The loss of Cernan Roan still weighs heavily on her, certainly influencing recent choices. I must remind her that were he in her position, he would continue to fight to live."
000
Another time, another place…
In the depths of space, on the outskirts of a particular solar system, the now abandoned Lirahad station still orbits, completely dark except for the reflected light of the sun at the center of the system. Abandoned some months ago due to the threat of residual tachyon exposure, the massive, once-populated research post sits quietly, everything within still and cold as death itself.
At the epicenter of the event that rendered this once proud confederacy of scientific progress untenable, the remains of Director McAlvoy's protective radiation-proof chamber lie shattered on the ground, the only remaining evidence of his misdeeds. Dust visibly hangs in the air, catching the dim light that radiates from the emergency lighting lining the walls. The air is completely still. Until...
A male figure takes a deep, sudden gasp of air, rocketing up from a laying position on the floor of the testing chamber. He pants and looks around, his eyes adjusting to the relative darkness around him.
He takes stock of the ruined, dark station, and takes his first breath in months, when for him it's been mere seconds.
Somehow, someway, he lived through that disaster.
Cernan Roan lived.
00000
If you have a moment, please consider answering one or both of these questions for me in a comment!
1. Was the change to an all-dialogue chapter easy to understand?
2. Did each character's therapy session feel like it was true to their personality?