Stan bent down. Whatever was on the ground, he had to get rid of it. He picked it up and examined it. It's a key. A small, golden one with an eagle printed onto the head. The actual key bit looks like an m. Stan turned it around.
"Huh, weird key," Stan said, pocketing it inside his suit. "Guess I'll just hold onto it. There is no lost and found after all."
When shop closed, Stan walked into the kitchen. He opened the fridge and grabbed a can of Pitt, then stopped when he heard Dipper and Mabel talking.
Dipper pat his vest. He pulled his shorts pockets inside out. "Mabel?" he asked. "Have you seen my key?"
"What key, Dip-Dop?" she asked, kicking her feet on the chair.
"My President's Key," Dipper replied. "You know, the one Quentin Trembley gave me when we saved him."
"Oh, the president who made me an official Congress Woman!" Mabel said.
"Mabel, I don't think it counts," Dipper said. "His term is long from over."
"I count it!" Mabel retorted. "He even gave me a congress hat to prove it!"
Stan looked over the fridge door to see Mabel wearing a black top hat. She got that from Pioneer Day. The worst day of the year. They must have freed a president when he was arrested in the old, pioneer ways. "The top hat suits you, Mabel," Dipper said, "but seriously. Where is my key?"
"I don't remember what key you're talking about, Dipper," Mabel replied. "You have a lot of keys. A key to the bathroom, a key to your diary-"
"Journal," Dipper corrected.
"-to your diary, to Stan's mini fridge..."
"My what?" Stan whispered. When did Dipper get a key to his mini fridge? "You know, the eagle one? The one that can open any lock in America?"
"Oh!" Mabel exclaimed. "That one!"
"Yeah, where is it?" Dipper asked. "I don't want Stan to find it. Who knows what kind of trouble he can get into?"
"I haven't seen it," Mabel replied. "It might be on the floor to the gift shop."
"That's oddly specific, Mabel," Dipper said, narrowing his eyes.
"Just a hunch!" Mabel replied, cheerfully. "Now, where's Waddles?"
Mabel hopped off her chair and started patrolling the ground. Dipper walked out of the kitchen. "Oh, hi, Stan!" Mabel cheered, walking past him.
"Hey, kid," he replied, closing the fridge.
A key with an eagle on it. Like the one he picked up from the floor...in the gift shop. Just like Mabel said. Stan waited until there was no one nearby, then pulled the key out of his pocket. He could do so many things with that key. So, so many things with it.
Stan sneaked around the Mystery Shack once the kids, and Waddles, were asleep. If he can get to Northwest Manor before their butler takes his nightly patrol, then he could get into their rather large, gold platted safe, and...well, maybe he'll have a little fun with it. After all, who needs THAT much money when you have a gold platted safe AND mansion, complete with your own butler and fancy, rich parties, where people are snooty laughing.
Ugh, snooty laughing. It's always something about it that makes him mad. Maybe it's the way they brag about how much money they have? Or, perhaps its the way they sound so insincere? Maybe it was the way they waved their hands in a I'm-better-than-you kind of way? Or perhaps it was always the way they looked at the lower classes, with their smug, annoying faces.
Okay, off track there, but not too bad. Stan checked around the house for a minute, keeping an eye on Gompers, since he liked to give away his location. When the goat didn't yell, Stan left the building and started towards Northwest Manor.
It was a bit of a struggle, going uphill, while sneaking behind trees, but Stan has done many dangerous things, and this had to have been the least dangerous out of anything he's done. He's even smuggled pug puppies out of state, and that is nearly impossible to do in Gravity Falls. Although, the police men don't really seem to know what they're doing most of the time, so it does make things a little easier.
Stan sneaked past many security cameras in his life, so the Northwest cameras shouldn't be any different. He kept to the bushes, to avoid any cameras or peering eyes, which would be a shock with how many there are in Gravity Falls. It's like this sleepy town never actually sleeps. Something is always going on at some point, and this time, it had to be gnomes.
A short, pudgy gnome with cross eyes and a curly gray beard stared right at Stan. "Shme-" he started before Stan pushed his fingers to the gnome's lips.
"Shh!" Stan shushed. "You're gonna blow my cover!"
"Shmebulock!" the gnome yelled.
"What is wrong with you?" Stan asked. "I just told you not to blow my cover!"
"Shmebulock!"
"Is that all you can say? 'Shmebulock?'" Stan asked, irritated. "Look, Shmebulock, I'm on an important mission and I don't want your yelling blowing it! Now get back in those woods and be quiet!" Stan pointed towards the woods.
"Shmebulock!" The gnome retreated into the woods. Stan heard the small click of the camera and ducked back into the bushes.
The camera scanned over the bush and at the gnome standing at the edge of the woods, then moved down and scanned the bush. It picked up on a couple of loose leaves, sent a message to Preston Northwest, then proceeded on its usual scanning route.
Stan exhaled. "Phew! See, Shmebulock! You almost blew my cover!" he whispered.
"Shmebulock!" the gnome yelled. His voice echoed through the woods.
"Woah, woah, woah!" Stan cried, putting his hands up. "Easy there! Don't do that!"
Stan scoffed the gnome, then proceeded onward, into the fence. He slid his black, leather gloves on, then began climbing the fence. "Pfft, stupid gnome," Stan muttered to himself as he pulled himself over the fence. "Trynna get me caught. I'll show him."
Stan climbed over the top and jumped down the fence. "Ha ha, take that-" Stan mocked the woods until he turned around and saw the gnome. He yelped, then covered his mouth. When nothing came over to look, he exhaled again. "Would you stop doing that?" Stan whispered. "I swear! If I get caught it's your fault!"
Stan sighed, glared at the gnome as he stormed past, silently, then proceeded along the wall. Dipper's President's Key should open any lock in America. Which means, it should get the windows open.
Why the Northwest's use padlocks to keep their windows shut is definitely a mystery to Stan. It must be a rich person thing.
Stan slid the President's Key into the lock and turned it. Sure enough, the padlock clicked and opened. "Heh, I like this key!" Stan cheered. He cheerfully pulled off the padlock from the window and climbed inside. He slid the window closed, carefully, as not to make any sound, then sidled down the hallway. He was careful not to bump any picture frames, although he really would've liked to see them fall off the wall. They look better on the floor anyway.
Stan unlocked one of the doors in their house with the President's Key, then walked inside. He turned on a flashlight, then closed the door behind him. "Ah, finally, the vault."
Stan rubbed his hands together. "Finally, time to see how much dough the Northwests are hiding in here!" Stan reached into his suit pocket, only to find it wasn't in there. "What?" he asked. He checked the other side of his suit, to find nothing there as well. He checked his outer suit pockets, then checked his pants pockets. "Where is that dang key?" he asked.
Stan turned his flashlight to the ground. If it's not in his pockets, then it has to be on the ground. That's the only place it could end up, right? Stan scanned the ground for anything sparkling. Anything that is in a key shape. Anything like-
"Hey, hand it over," Stan whispered, holding his hand out to the gnome from before. "That's not yours."
"Shmebulock!" the gnome replied.
"Don't 'Shmebulock' me!" Stan cried quietly. "Hand it over now, bub!"
The gnome took off with the key, and climbed the curtains of the window. "Hey! Get down here right now!" Stan whispered, his voice rising. "I mean it!"
"Shmebulock!" the gnome replied, dancing with the key. "Shmebulock! Shmebulock! Shmebulock!"
"Stop, Shmebulocking me!" Stan yelled. His voice got a little too high, but the Northwests didn't seem to notice.
Stan charged at the gnome, trying to be quiet, and shook the curtains. Shmebulock flew off the curtains. The key remained in his hands as he flew off the curtains and tumbled on the ground. "Shmebulock!" he cried.
"Get back here, gnome!" Stan cried. He chased the gnome through the house, knocking over a couple of small tables with lamps on them. He finally caught the gnome, grabbing him while he jumped from a table to the ground. "Ha! Gotcha!" he cheered.
"Shmebulock!" the gnome replied.
"Don't 'Shmebulock' me," Stan demanded. "I caught you fair and square! Now hand over that key!"
"What key, if you don't mind me asking, Stanford?" Preston Northwest asked from behind Stan. Stan winced, then slowly turned around, the gnome held in both hands. "Preston!" Stan cheered. "Sorry to wake you!"
Preston Northwest is standing with his arms crossed, in dollar stack slippers, eyes narrowed. "Mind telling me what you're doing in my house, Stanford?"
"Well, you see..." Stan said, grabbing the key from the gnome and fighting him for it. "I saw this gnome come into your house, and I was just trying to catch him before he made a mess of things."
"Like that table?" Preston asked. "Or that one? How about that one?" Preston pointed to all of the different tables, lamps knocked over on each of them. One has a small house plant. "Yeah, just...like that!" Stan replied, ripping the key from the gnome's hands. "And he stole my house key. "I'll just get out of your..." Stan hesitated, gagging slightly, "lovely...home."
Stan walked out the hall with the gnome. "This is your fault you know!" Stan whispered. Stan started running as he got out of the nearby hallway, then unlocked the window again, vaulted out, and ran.
"STANFORD!" Preston yelled from inside the mansion. "I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE!"
"Ha ha! Sucker!" Stan called, making an l above his head with his free hand. "Now you!" Stan said, dropping the gnome on the ground of the woods. "Stay! Here! I don't have time to deal with you gnomes!"
"Shmebulock!" the gnome replied.
"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Stan said.
Stan woke the next morning. He looked at the key he stuck on his bedside table. It must've been a dream. He was in prison, being sued, and lost his house. He shuddered. That stupid gnome. 'Shmebulock.' That plan would be a bust if that happened.
He needs to find something else for that key, before Dipper realizes he has it. It won't be long either. That kid is smart, just like Ford.
Hmm. Ford. That's it. His brother keeps a safe below in his lab downstairs. Maybe he can use the key to open it. He knows the password. He can get the big one open. There's a second safe with a padlock on it, and Stan has to assume that Ford takes that key with him wherever he goes. So...it's probably in another dimension with him right now. And it's not like he can just activate the portal right now. He doesn't know how. He needs all three of Sixer's journals, and he hid them across Gravity Falls.
Journal 3 isn't too specific where he hid the first two, so he's been searching years for it. He couldn't even find the third one until Dipper came along. The second one will have the missing piece he needs to reactivate the portal. In the meantime, he can try to...well...he doesn't want to lose him forever.
So, whatever must be in that safe has to be important. Then he'll give Dipper back his key before he figures something's up. It's only been a couple of weeks since they've been here but Dipper is already starting to figure things out. He asked him about his license plate yesterday.
Stan got changed, pocketed the key, then pushed a few buttons on the vending machine. He scanned the room to see if any of the kids were up yet. Soos isn't in because his shift isn't until another hour. Wendy doesn't come in today.
The area was clear so Stan pushed aside the vending machine and stepped inside. He closed it behind him, all the way, the walked downstairs. He pulled a lantern off the wall, lit it with a match he sat next to it, then continued down the dark corridor.
He put the lantern on the desk and pulled out the key. Whatever is in that safe has to be important. It has to be a piece of the missing puzzle he's looking for. Stan took a deep breath. This is a big step. He was never prepared to open it so soon.
"Come on, Stanley, just get the safe open," he told himself.
He entered the pass code, eight, sixteen, then opened the large safe. Inside is a smaller, brighter colored safe, with a large padlock keeping it closed.
Stan used the President's Key to get the padlock opened, then pocketed it, as the padlock fell off. He opened the safe's door, then reached inside, pulling out a stack of papers.
Something hard hit the ground, so he put the papers on the desk, then picked up the loose key from the ground. "A key?" Stan asked, turning it in his hands.
Stan picked up the first paper. "'To my future self,' okay, weird, first off, 'I hid another key inside the safe for safe keeping. Not entirely sure why I stuck it in there, but if you can manage to break off the padlock, I applaud myself. Clap, clap-' okay that's stupid. Sixer, what is wrong with you?" Stan said.
He flipped the next few pages. They're pages ripped out of his journals, however, he doesn't know which ones. One mentions the times he had with Stan, when they created forts in the house, built a boat, then planned on sailing the world together. The small picture of a boat was scribbled out. 'What was I thinking?'
The final piece was a picture of him and Ford as kids, with sunburns and their shirts as the boat's flags. Stan smiled. "There we go."
Author's Note
Another school project :)