I need to talk to you

Lillian

"That feels so good," I whispered and smiled. "As if you had healing hands."

Connor huffed and looked down at his caressing hands that he had laid on my belly. He didn't seem to agree with my words but it didn't change the fact that it felt good indeed. His touch didn't make the queasy feeling in my stomach disappear, but his hands were so wonderfully warm that I could feel it through the thin fabric of my shift and it made me feel perfectly safe. Something that helped me feel better more than any doctor could. Slowly and very carefully, as if he feared he could hurt me, Connor widened the movements of his hands until they drew gentle circles on my belly. I felt thrown back into a time two years ago. Back then he had been able to soothe a pain whose source I would have never cursed. I opened my eyes which fluttered shut and smiled at Connor, whose focused look had lain on his hand.

"It almost feels like back then, when I was…" I paused. At this moment, the realization hit me like a brick. This one thought that had never really come to my mind. Maybe because I hadn't expected it after two years? Because any thoughts on our future had been dominated by supernatural and no worldly concerns for months? Because I had hardly dared to think of a future I wished for as much as any other woman? What if this future had snuck into our lives while we had been too distracted by other things?

"What is wrong? Are you feeling sick again?"

Connor's voice reached me through a thick fog. My thoughts were so loud that they almost drew it out. But when he wanted to hand me the bowl, I shook my head vigorously and pushed his hand aside.

"No, it's fine. Everything's fine, I…I just…" I paused again and sat there with parted lips for a moment, unable to say anything. I didn't know what to say anyway. I was too confused and needed to put my thoughts in order first. Alone.

Taking a deep breath, I shook my head again and forced myself to smile, wanting to reassure Connor. He still looked terribly worried about me. I felt sorry for troubling him so much this morning.

"I just remembered that…Emily is out there in the fort and you didn't even dress her properly. I don't want her to run around in only her shift and with no stockings." I didn't know where this explanation was coming from. Maybe it had come to my mind because I had wanted to call Connor back when he had left the room with Emily and I had seen her naked feet peeking out under his arms. I reached out a hand and gently caressed Connor's arm whose hand was still holding the bowl. "Could you look after her?"

Connor looked me over, visibly confused. I guessed that he found my behaviour strange. Maybe he knew I was using an excuse so that I didn't have to explain myself. But no matter what he was thinking, he nodded.

"Will you be alright?" he asked concerned. I nodded. Connor put the bowl beside the bed I was lying on, bent down to me, lovingly kissed my forehead and stood up. When he stepped through the door, my thoughts were already far gone.

I lowered my eyes to the hand I had laid on my stomach. My heartbeat was only a nervous flutter and my mind hardly dared to return to the thoughts that had ambushed it. Could it be that I was…pregnant? There were so many signs, were there not? The nausea, my general indisposition over a longer period of time. I had experienced it once and hadn't come to the right conclusion immediately. Shouldn't I know it better now? I glanced at the closed door, before throwing the blanket aside and pulling my shift up until my belly lay bare. I winced when my cold hands touched the warm skin but I ran them over it anyway. There was no bulge, which disappointed me at first. But how far along could I be? Seven weeks had passed since our first night in the Caribbean but in the time after that, Connor and I had shared more intimate moments. I remembered that with Emily I had felt sick early on and had noticed changes in my body. But the latter hadn't happened yet. Did this mean something? That I was wrong?

My hands were shaking when I pulled my shift back down, but I put them back onto my belly while biting my bottom lip and trying to hold back the tears burning in my eyes. God, I didn't know what to feel. The thought of being pregnant again made me happy but at the same time, I was scared that I wasn't. That I could get too excited, only to be disappointed in the end. In the last two years, I had never thought about it, but at this moment, I was painfully aware that I hoped for a second child. Emily's birth had made me realize the true meaning of happiness and unconditional love and I was proud of being a mother. Of seeing Emily grow up into a wonderful little girl. I enjoyed every day with her and at the same time, I loved remembering the time when she had been a baby or had been growing inside my belly. Especially these memories had often made me think that I wanted to experience this again. And Connor?

Thinking about it, we had never really talked about it, but both of us had known that we wanted to start a family together and Emily's birth would have eliminated any doubts anyway. I knew that Connor loved being a father as much as I loved being a mother and he had already mentioned that he liked to remember, just like I did. I didn't need to ask him. Without speaking about it, we were on the same page and we had never tried to avert a pregnancy, too. Neither before Emily, nor after. Just like we had never tried for a baby. We had taken the things as they had come. Maybe it wasn't smart because, despite any wishes, there had always been a time when a pregnancy would have been unfavourable. The last couple of months, for example. But maybe this was fate. A door had closed and another had been opened. But was a second child a part of it, or was I just clinging to a wish that wasn't supposed to be fulfilled soon?

I spent some time wracking my brain until I concluded that it wouldn't help. My emotions were too ambivalent. On one side, I was sure I was pregnant and then I was unsure and driven by the fear that after the big euphoria, an even bigger disappointment could follow. I thought of my mother. After my birth and several miscarriages before, she had never got pregnant again. I had been a child, but looking back now, I realized how sad it had made her. Just like me, she had wished for more children. Not only because my father had wanted an heir. She, as a mother, had wished for it and her wish had never come true. I feared that the same could happen to me. That this was the reason why two years had gone by. But then I asked myself if this fear wasn't unreasonable. What were two years anyway? How could I know when my body decided to be ready for another pregnancy? So I decided to listen to my body, as I had done two years ago.

In the next couple of days, I did everything to rest and recover. I drank much water, stayed in the shade and was careful about what and how much I ate. If I had upset my stomach, it should get better like that and I was glad I was given the chance to recover at all. Back on Great Inagua, the young Nerea offered to look after Emily from time to time and her mother Sabana provided me with teas and meals that were mild to the stomach. I quickly felt better. Especially thanks to the rest I got, I didn't feel as physically and mentally exhausted as before and so I was even more aware of how I felt besides that. The nausea kept returning anyway and so I finally concluded that my stomach was fine after all. The uncertainty vanished with every passing day and the feeling I remembered from my first pregnancy, became stronger. I wasn't scared anymore when thinking about it and felt even happier. I just knew that my wish for a second child was coming true.

"So, did you tell Connor, yet?"

I was sitting in Sabana's big kitchen, sipping tea while she was preparing today's dinner. After we had chatted about everything and nothing, we had shrouded ourselves in silence. She had been working, while I had stared into my teacup, getting lost in my thoughts. So her question had come unexpectedly and at first, I didn't know what she was talking about. Sabana gave a knowing smile when I asked her and hung the pot she was steering higher up, away from the fire, before turning around to me.

"Well, about your baby of course, and I am talking about the one in your belly. Not the one out there in the garden." She pointed at the window where you could see Nerea and Emily sitting beside the flower beds playing. My eyes grew big and I felt strangely caught before I chuckled after all and cocked my head.

"What gave it away?"

Sabana laughed out loud and sat down in front of me at the small table. "You are practically beaming more than usual and smile to yourself whenever you seem to be thinking about something. And apart from your nausea, it is quite telling that you keep caressing your belly whenever you feel unwatched or just do not notice. I brought four children into this world. I guess, I can tell just by looking at you."

She winked at me and I lowered my eyes to the cup in my hands smiling. Yes, it had been hard to keep my sweet secret to myself in every way possible. Especially from Connor, because I hadn't told anyone, yet. Not even him, even though he should be the first one to know.

"I wanted to be sure before telling Connor," I explained to Sabana. "He went through a lot in these past months and I know that a lot of it is still troubling him. I didn't want him to have too much hope and be disappointed if it turns out, that I am not pregnant."

Sabana nodded understanding. "But are you sure now?"

"Yes." My smile grew bigger and I felt tears of joy rising into my eyes. "It seems more and more obvious. I can be in my ninth week at most, but I just feel it. Like I did with Emily. I knew that she was there and I know that this child is, too."

To say it out loud, even if I wasn't talking to Connor, felt wonderful. As if it would make my pregnancy even more real. Sabana rose from her seat, stepped around the table, grabbed my hands, made me stand up and pulled me into a tight embrace.

"¡Felicitaciones! That is so wonderful." Sabana laid both hands on my cheeks and placed a firm kiss on my forehead, before looking at me and I was sure there were tears in her eyes, too. She had meant every word and it touched me that she shared my joy so openly even though we didn't know each other for long. Now she grabbed my hands again and took a step back to look me over from head to toe.

"Well, I cannot see anything, yet," she said with a smirk. "In all my pregnancies, I was spared nausea and other symptoms, gracias a Dios. But because of it, I only realized when I was growing bigger and this was already in my fourth or fifth month." She laughed and I had to smirk, too. I had to make sense of my lasting indisposition without a bump, but it didn't matter how you noticed. It was a gift and nausea or not, it was something wonderful.

"But when do you want to tell your cariño?" Sabana sank onto the chair beside me, my hands still in hers and I sat as well, shrugging.

"It's not really about when, but how," I said and lowered my eyes thoughtfully onto our hands. It wasn't that I didn't want to tell Connor. On the contrary. It had often been on the tip of my tongue. Every time I saw him. When I hugged him. When we lay on our makeshift bed, I wanted to share my joy with him. But every time I stopped myself because this time, I wanted the delivery of this news to be special. Even more than the news was anyway, of course.

"When I told him about my pregnancy with Emily, I had just realized it myself," I began to explain and chuckled about the memory of Connor's reaction. "I just threw it at him and he was overwhelmed before being able to be happy about it. This time I don't want to simply say it. I want to think of something for him, surprise him. Even if he would say that it's not important, how I tell him."

Connor was very humble, after all. He didn't expect anything from others and would be happy about this news nonetheless. But it was important to me. It was a special moment I didn't want to pass too quickly. I was a romantic. But unfortunately, I had no idea, yet.

Sabana shrugged, too when I asked her. Since her pregnancies had been far along when she had noticed them, there hadn't been much to surprise her husband with. I sighed quietly.

"I'll need to come up with something then."

My gaze slid back to the window and as if we had just spoken of the devil, I saw a familiar figure, unusually not dressed in white robes, sitting Emily back into the grass after they had carried her in their arms. Then they turned away and walked towards the house.

"He's coming." I looked at Sabana, who let go of my hands and stood up. "You won't tell him, will you?"

The elder raised a brow and looked at me as if I had questioned her honour. "Impossible. Voy a callar como un muerto." She put her index finger on her lips and I knew she would keep my secret. She couldn't help but wink at me, though, when Connor entered the room and she turned back to the food.

"Buenos días, Connor."

"Hello, Sabana," my husband greeted, standing at the door and looking back and forth between me and the cook. "Am I interrupting?"

"Oh, no. Lillian just kept me company. I am entirely busy cooking, as you can see." As emphasis, she hit the edge of the pot with her wooden spoon, causing a muffled sound. "Do not let me interrupt you."

She winked at me again, luckily unnoticed by Connor and I had to hide my smirk behind the cup I had raised back to my lips. Connor simply nodded and finally entered the room. Folding his hands in front of his body, he looked at me and I could see him looking me over, like he had done often these last couple of days. To make sure that I was fine and as always, when I was fine, I gave him a smile that made him stop his examination immediately.

"I promised you to show you the waterfalls," he said without further ado and as direct as always. "If you like, we could go now and be back for dinner."

"Now?" Surprised I lowered the cup. Of course, I hadn't forgotten about Connor's promise, but I hadn't thought of it in a while and certainly hadn't expected him to decide on this trip so spontaneously. We had returned to Great Inagua two weeks ago and four days later, Connor had left for the Aquila to sail her to Havanna. From this day on, he had travelled back and forth between Cuba and Great Inagua, had spent some days there, and some days here. Today he had returned from Havanna again and had spent the last two hours in Consuela's study. The Grandmaster requested his advice more often recently, which surprised me on the one hand but made me happy for him on the other. After all, it must mean that she considered him trustworthy and capable.

Connor lightly lowered his head, as if he could hide the smirk adorning his lips after my obvious surprise. His gaze under half-lidded eyes, when he looked at me with his head still low, was devious. "The waterfalls will still be there tomorrow if you do not want to..."

"Of course I want to!"

If there was one thing I had learned by now, it was that I had to take every chance I could get, whenever Connor was able to take some time for me or our family in general. It was too valuable to let it pass. I gulped down the rest of my tea, gave Sabana the cup back with a thanks and could hardly prevent her from packing up some food for us, before Connor and I left the kitchen.

I wanted to go straight into the garden, to get Emily, but Connor held me back. "We will go alone. This hike and the place are not for her. Nerea is watching her."

I did not like to leave our daughter in someone else's care for long. If I did, it was never for longer than a few hours. But I trusted Connor's judgment and knew that Nerea enjoyed spending time with the little one, just like Emily did with her. So I knew that I didn't need to have a bad conscience when I left the villa through the front door, Connor by my side. Together we walked past the training arenas, were greeted by the Assassins there and followed the dusty path to the stone stairs and finally through the small settlement until Connor turned into the direction of the jungle. The whole time, we remained in pleasant silence while I couldn't stop myself from glancing at him from the side. Despite his concerns for the Aquila, he looked much more rested than weeks before. Getting rid of the Apple had taken a great burden off of him. You could sense and see it. He didn't seem as grim and brooding anymore and that he wasn't wearing his robes made him look almost relaxed. His shirt was slightly unbuttoned, his sleeves loosely rolled over his elbows and he was only carrying his tomahawk. I liked seeing him like this. I liked the way he looked entirely.

"Is something wrong?" My glances hadn't escaped his notice. Of course not. His brown eyes met mine before I turned them back to the path with a smirk.

"Everything is fine," I reassured him. "I just noticed that you seemed to have decided against your robes and for lighter armament."

From the corner of my eyes, I saw him looking down at himself and smirked even wider. As if he hadn't noticed it himself.

"I do not need my other weapons on this island," he explained. "And I have to admit, that my robes are too warm."

I believed that. The thick fabric was perfect not only for icy temperatures but also for shielding him from certain attacks. But even in the heat of our Northern summers, it was too thick and I had never envied Connor for wearing it.

"Maybe you should think about getting a new one," I blurted out. "Made of a lighter fabric."

"Yes, maybe."

The second surprising claim today. I had often teased Connor with the suggestion to part from his old, patched-up robes, but he had always denied it with a huff. Too many memories were woven into this fabric and I hadn't expected him to consider new robes at all. Even though he didn't really. Maybe he was rather trying to fob me off. Whatever, I dropped the topic and focused on the nature we were walking through instead. The lush jungle with its high trees, long grass, thick fawn and the blossom-covered vines was always fascinating. While Connor had been searching for the temple, I had loved to wander through this forest with Caleb and Emily and feel like I was in a fairytale. I knew the path we were following. It winded through the trees and bushes with no junctions until you reached a small gathering of collapsed straw huts. We had never gone further but now Connor walked with no hesitation through the small, ankle-deep pond that was dividing the path. I squinched up my face, not pleased to wet my shoes, but I found a line of rocks and safely balanced over them through the water. We went on, but this time I looked around more attentively than before. Hoping to explore more of this unknown path of the jungle. But there was nothing more than trees and plants.

"I always wondered what these trees are called," I said when we passed one specimen with a bright bark and pale pink blossoms that always reminded me of lilies. "Look!", I called out ecstatically when I saw two blue butterflies, seemingly dancing together high up in the branches. Their wings shimmered in the sunlight that fell through the treetops. Like creatures from a fairytale. Connor had stopped, too, but rather seemed to be thinking about the species of the tree than paying attention to the butterflies.

"I do not know either," he said and stretched to pick a blossom from one of the lower branches. "But you could ask someone when we get back."

With these simple words, he handed the blossom to me. It was not an intentional gift, but in Connor's case, it didn't bother me anymore. He didn't think of such gestures and even though it frustrated me sometimes, I had gotten used to it by now that he had his own charm and showed his affection differently. Still, I thanked him when taking the blossom and regarded the beautiful pattern on its delicate leaves with shining eyes, before putting it into the buttonhole of my blouse while following Connor. The path led uphill now, through a natural archway made of rocks and fawns that were as high as I was tall. Then we stopped in front of an edge that reached up to Connor's chest, like the step of a giant staircase. I began to understand why this hike wouldn't have been suitable for Emily.

"Careful, I will lift you," Connor said and grabbed me by my waist to lift me effortlessly so that I sat on the edge and only had to pick myself up, groaning like an old hag. In the meantime, he nimbly climbed up and already stood beside me as I just got up on my feet. We went further uphill which I quickly noticed in my thighs and the lack of air in my lungs. I just hoped that this miserable stamina was a product of my pregnancy and not my overall fitness. Normally the latter didn't bother me at all but sometimes it got frustrating to try to keep up with your husband who was much more agile, but two years older than you. But well. Not everyone could be a trained Assassin, right?

"We are almost there," he cheered me up when he eventually fell back to my wheezing self and he was right. When I just thought I was going to find myself in front of Heaven's Gate because the march uphill had been so long, the jungle opened up in front of us and I gasped in fascination when we stopped on the edge of the most impressive cliff I had ever seen. We were so high above the treetops, that the jungle spread beneath our feet like a green sea. To our left was a ramshackle rope bridge, leading to the other side of the cliff and from there, a path led to the mountain where the sun set every evening. To the right, you could see the bay. The sea. The Assassins' ships at the harbour and even the villa and the small guest house. They looked like toy houses and I could hardly believe that we had walked so far. And we were not there, yet. After the short break that I had not only used to marvel, but also to catch my breath, Connor indicated to me that our path led us over the rope bridge.

"I will not walk over this thing." I put my feet on the ground like a mule and crossed my arms in front of my chest. The construction didn't seem reliable to me, although Connor had already crossed half of it and it carried his weight. But it swung back and forth and creaked so loudly that my instincts screamed at me that I didn't want to fall into the jungle.

"It is safe, trust me." Connor came back and reached out his hand to me. "It is not far anymore. The waterfalls are right behind this bend. You want to see them, right?"

Oh, this…he knew exactly how much I wanted it. But I wouldn't risk my life for it. I bit my bottom lip. Connor was still reaching out to me, with a look that made my knees even weaker. Oh, dammit.

I sent up a prayer, hoping that my initial cussing was deliberately ignored and grabbed Connor's hand. With both hands. I clung to it as if it was my only rescue, while I slowly put one foot in front of the other and followed Connor over the bridge. I had closed my eyes so that I didn't have to look into the gaping abyss underneath my feet. When they finally touched firm ground, I uttered a sigh of relief and looked into Connor's smirking face, when I opened my eyes again.

"Come. We are almost there. Do you hear them?"

I did. A roaring that I had believed to be the wind in the trees at first, but that grew louder with every step we took. We had to climb over a rock and then I saw the first waterfall, shimmering through the blossom-covered branches of a tree. My exhaustion was immediately forgotten and I even quickened my steps until we reached a narrow runway that led to a ledge in front of the most beautiful view I had ever seen. The fear I would have normally felt from the runway was forgotten, as I balanced over it. I only had eyes for these majestic natural spectacles in front of us. The air was filled with their roaring and the fine mist of small waterdrops that covered our skin and refreshed us.

"It is so…beautiful," I whispered, more to myself but Connor understood and nodded.

"That is true." He grabbed my hand and led me to a rock where we sat down and only watched the waterfalls for a while. I was mesmerized. Took in every detail. The sun that was already setting, made the crashing floods shimmer like gold and even the chirping birds were still audible through the roaring of the waterfalls. It was soothing. Mesmerizing. I wanted to sit here forever. Wouldn't this be the right moment? Here, alone and with the waterfalls in the background. What could be more special than learning here and now, that you were going to be a father for the second time? An unforgettable memory in front of an unforgettable view. I smiled.

"I need to talk to you about something."

Confusion. I should have been the one saying these words. But Connor had bet me to it. I sat up so that I could look at him and my heart dropped, seeing how serious his expression had become all of a sudden. I immediately thought of the many reasons for it and none of them were good. These words in connection to this face hardly ever meant something good.

No. Please no bad news. Please not now.

Only when Connor looked at me with wide eyes, I realized that I had spoken these words out loud, or at least had whispered them.

"Lillian, no. There is no bad news, please do not think something like that," he said and seemed seriously confused as he put a hand on my cheek as if he wanted to comfort me.

"But why the serious face?" I couldn't stop this question from sounding like an accusation. This moment had been so beautiful, so fitting for telling him the good news and he made the atmosphere change like that. Tore me out of my dream world. Yes, I was blaming him for it, although I was respectively concerned and wanted to know what this was about.

"There is no bad news," he assured me again. "The matter I want to talk to you about is serious, though. I wanted to be undisturbed and alone, so I thought this was the perfect moment to come here."

So the only purpose of this trip wasn't to show me the waterfalls. Why simply enjoy a moment and forget about everything else?

I could hardly hold back my irritation. After all, Connor had no bad intentions and I took it seriously if he wanted to talk to me about something.

"What is it?" I asked and he dropped his hand from my cheek to grab my hands instead, which I had folded in my lap.

"You certainly noticed that I met with Consuela a lot, recently."

I nodded.

"The first time I came here, she wanted to know everything about me, of course. Especially about my plans for the Brotherhood back home. Before I came, Achilles was the last surviving member and I consider it is his legacy to reestablish the Assassins in North America."

I nodded again. What he said was no news to me. Although he hadn't talked about this topic explicitly, he had told me about the rough history around the Assassins' downfall and it had seemed logical to me that he would be the one to bring them back. After all, he had already begun with recruiting Duncan, Stephane, Clipper, Dobby, Jamie and Jacob.

"Consuella agreed with me, but she said that I am not officially allowed to fulfil this legacy."

Now I frowned in confusion and cocked my head. "Why?"

"Because I have never been officially appointed Master, or even Grandmaster. I have to be a Master, to become Mentor and only then I am allowed to train recruits, appoint Assassins or lead my brothers and sister at all."

"So she forbids you to continue your work because you are no Mentor. That's ridiculous!" I huffed in indignation. "You spent so many years fighting the Templars. Alone. And now she has the nerves to…"

Connor raised a hand to silence me. I had almost talked myself into a fit because I was so angry about what he had just told me. But I was confused by the light smirk on his lips.

"She does not forbid it. On the contrary. She only wants me to officially accept the rank of Master Assassin and Mentor."

I blinked confused. Now I didn't understand anything. "Yes, but…that's a good thing. Or do you not want to?"

"I do. I mean, I do not need the ceremony she talked about…" He squinched up his face a bit, which made me smirk after all. "...but I would do it. If you want it, too."

"Me?" Now he had managed to confuse me entirely. "What do I have to do with it? It's your decision."

"Maybe. But this decision will have consequences for all of us." Connor's grip around my hands tightened, and his look became more serious. It seemed like we were nearing the crux of this conversation and I had no idea what it was about. I could only wait for the explanation he gave me.

"Lillian, when I become Mentor I will finally return the Assassins to North America and make Davenport their home, just like it had been in Achilles' time. That means that Assassins will live and train in Davenport and that I will be the one training most of them. So while I am not travelling, I will be busy with my duties as Mentor and will probably not be able to spend as much time with you and Emily."

Silence. I needed a moment to realize that he was asking my permission before accepting the rank of Mentor. The rank he had always been entitled to. I could see and hear that it meant a lot to him and how important this conversation was to him as well. My opinion was important to him, although this decision wasn't mine to make. This was not about me. It was about him. About the task he had dedicated his life to before we had even met.

"Ratonhnhaké:ton, what are you expecting from me? I cannot speak against it. I know how important it is to you and I know that you deserve to be called Mentor. You spent years fighting for the Brotherhood. You are entitled to it and you are entitled to bringing the Assassins back to North America. I have no right to stand in your way."

"Yes, you do." Connor's serious expression was unshakable. "You and our family are more important to me than the Brotherhood. I would never make such a decision if it had consequences for you and it will. If you speak against it, I will tell Consuela that I will not accept the rank of Mentor. Everything will stay the same."

The same? That he was out there alone, trying to stop the Templars' influence? If the Assassins returned to Davenport, they would not only live and train there. They would operate from there and support Connor's fight. They would strengthen the Brotherhood's influence together and this task wouldn't burden Connor's shoulders alone. Yes, maybe he would spend less time with his family when he was at home. But maybe he would be at home more often and not on some mission because he could delegate them to others. Couldn't he imagine how much that would mean to me? This and the knowledge that his year-long wish was coming true? His life's work?

"Ratonhnhaké:ton, I would never talk you out of it," I said, even more serious than he had been. "I always knew who you are and what you are fighting for and when I married you, I accepted that this fight would become mine as well. This has always affected me. But no matter which way you choose and whatever will change for us, you don't have to do this alone. You are entitled to this rank after everything you did for the Brotherhood and you will continue to do so much more." I pulled my hands away from his to lay them on his cheeks. "No matter what is ahead of us, I will always be with you and I am incredibly proud of you. So don't you dare not accept this rank."

I smiled and was happy when the corners of Connor's mouth twitched up, too. I appreciated and loved him for wanting to include me in his decision. But if I had spoken against it, just because he would spend less time with me and our family, I would have regretted it eventually and would have never forgiven myself. He wasn't egoistic and so I wouldn't be either. This was another path we would follow together and we had gotten over more obstacles than a lack of time spent together. At least this was what I thought now.