Disclaimer: I own nothing regarding GWTW

Author's Notes: Thank you for all the reviews and feedback.

Chapter Four

April 1869

Scarlett was sitting in her room at Hamilton House. She was drinking brandy. It was the anniversary of Frank's death. He had been gone for two years. She no longer felt guilty about his death or Tommy Welburn's either. They were fools for going out at night to avenge her honor. She had already had two glasses and would probably have a few more. It would be an ordinary night. She often drank too much when she was alone in Atlanta, and she was alone far too often. She was thinking about her life and how it turned out. How could she, the belle of five counties, ended up alone. She knew she had no strong feelings for any of the people in her life except Mammy, and her children. Melanie was probably her closest friend nonetheless she was not that close to the woman. Scarlett found her boring. Almost as boring as she now found Ashley.

Since Frank's death Scarlett had spent the last two years running her businesses. They were all profitable, but she was considering selling the sawmills. She hesitated because the sawmills were such a gold mine. Well, Johnny's mill was. Ashley usually barely covered cost. She was truly tired of every week having to push Ashley to get him to go out to sell lumber. She could get a good price for the mills if she sold them now. She could devote herself to the store. Maybe open up another one.

Scarlett went to Tara at least four times a year to give Will instructions on the running of Tara. Although Will truly didn't need her instructions anymore. They had gone to share cropping. Will just had to manage the tenants. He was incredibly good at it. Surprisingly, so was Suellen. Scarlett didn't even do the books anymore. What documentation that was needed Will and Suellen kept up with. It was better. It could be done weekly instead of quarterly.

Scarlett was still received by polite society. She had been a proper young lady during the war. She may have flirted with the wounded soldiers a little bit too much, but never to the point of being considered fast. The matrons had no reason to exclude her from the events. Except for continuing to run her businesses she had not done anything improper. Yes, she and Mr. Kennedy had gotten married awfully fast, and Mr. Kennedy had been her sister's fiancé but who can judge affairs of the heart. True, she had unsexed herself by running businesses right after the war was over, but how else was she going to support herself and her relatives?

Scarlett didn't attend very many social events. The women didn't like her, and the men were no longer interested in her. She was no longer the cutest thing in shoe leather. She could no longer play the role of a young belle anymore, not even with Ashley. She had suffered too much in her life to be able to pretend to be that carefree, naïve, trouble-free young girl.

Scarlett was now a twice widowed woman with two children who had the audacity to continue running three businesses after her husband died. She knew she had scandalized polite society because she had not stayed home after Frank's death, but she had three businesses she had needed to keep afloat. Besides, she just couldn't act grief stricken over Frank Kennedy. She had been so mad at him for being in the clan and putting her businesses in jeopardy with his foolishness. She was glad the Yankees had not been able to prove the clan had gone on that raid.

Tara was profitable now. With the profits Scarlett and Suellen had bought Careen out of Tara by paying off her dowry. Although Scarlett went to Tara quarterly, she was just a visitor there now. Suellen and Will were the mistress and master of the plantation. The whole thing made her sad. Not the least being that Tara was nothing like the plantation of her youth. The plantation she had sold her soul for.

Scarlett was twenty-four years old, and the wrinkles were beginning to show on her face. What is more off putting to men is that there is a hardness to her now. A hardness like she had been to hell and back. She was also bitter at the way her life had turned out because of the foolishness of men and the war. Of course, the war was caused by foolish men also.

For a year after Frank's death, she had done the proper thing and stayed secluded in her home. She hadn't gone anywhere, but to the store, her mills and church. She had been terribly lonely. The only adults she had to talk to were PittyPat, Johnny, Hugh, Ashley, and occasionally Melly. Scarlett had always had young men around to amuse her, but there weren't any young men swarming around her anymore. In fact, there were no men wanting to spend time with her. She was so lonely she started reading the newspaper and spending time with her children. Surprising to her, she found she liked to read, and she liked her children.

Scarlett had borrowed a couple of books from Melly. She had not liked them. They were all romances. Reading them had highlighted how pathetic and empty her life was.

Scarlett's loneliness had highlighted to her that she was sitting around waiting for Ashley to finally be able to marry her. With so much free time on her hands she recalled all the conversations she and Ashley had. In her maturity she now understood what Ashley had been trying to tell her since he came back from the war, especially what he had said that day in the orchard. She had to agree with him. He was a coward who wanted to live his life in a shadow puppet world. She now knew what a shadow puppet world was.

Ashley had said he loved her that day, but he had loved honor more. She truly didn't think he had loved her. The truth was that he probably just lasted after her.

Scarlett finally knew Ashley was not the man he once was. She had come to realize he would never be the man she fell in love with again. If he ever had been. The only thing he had now was his honor. The war destroyed him and everything else he loved.

With the last of Scarlett's dreams having turned to dust, she knew she had nothing. Nothing, but her children and her money.

Rhett would have been amused to learn that it was his presence in Scarlett's life that prevented her from ever getting lonely enough to see the emptiness of her relationship with Ashley. She also had not spent time with Yankees, Republicans, and Scallawags. She was friendly with the ladies to sell them lumber, but she would never enter their homes. No proper young lady would.

Scarlett attended church regularly the year after Frank's death. To pray for forgiveness for treating him so badly and getting him kill. She also went to talk with other human beings. Of course, nobody really talked to her because she was grieving her husband, which she really wasn't. After a year, Scarlett had decided that Frank was a fool for letting her bully him and a fool for getting killed for honor. Ashley was a fool for going on that raid also. All those men were.

Scarlett did not want to attend church every Sunday, but it was the proper thing to do. She knew that Wade and Ella needed to go to get formalized religious training. That being said whenever Scarlett could think of an excuse not to go, she jumped on it with both feet.

The family attended the First Baptist Church. The Wilkeses were members of the same church, and the two families often saw each other there. Melly and PittyPat were on a couple of committees to help the needy. In Scarlett's opinion Melly and PittyPat should be receiving financial aid not giving it out. Of course, they weren't giving their own money, they were giving out the church's money. Scarlett often wondered if the ladies were receiving money from the church also. Probably not. They would have had to admit that they were barely getting by. In truth PittyPat was not getting by. She was living off of Scarlett.

Scarlett paid all of the household expenses for her family and PittyPat, but she never gave the old woman money to buy a new dress, or a new hat, or new gloves. PittyPat had to find that money herself. Scarlett thought she was being generous in supporting the old maid. After all, she wasn't really related to the dingbat. Although having PittyPat living in the household did bring her more respectability.

Scarlett knew that every now and then Henry gave PittyPat money to buy a new dress, hat, or gloves. So, she didn't feel the least bit guilty.

Scarlett also knew that the Wilkeses were barely getting by. Ashley's paycheck was not very large because his salary was based on how much he sold, and he would never go out and sell. Now that she wasn't seeing Ashley through rose colored glasses, she could see all of his faults and there were quite a few of them.

Scarlett spent Wednesday and Saturday at the store. She spent Monday and Thursday at Ashley's mills trying to browbeat him into going out and selling lumber. She spent Friday at Johnny's mills going over the books and checking up on the mill itself. She spent Tuesday at home. She had chosen Tuesday because it was the day that PittyPat, Melly, and India went calling. Except for Ella and the servants, Scarlett had the house to herself.

Occasionally Scarlett would arrange to meet with Melanie for dinner at a restaurant. Her favorite place to have dinner was Holly Bolly Tearoom. Scarlett did it so Melly would get a decent meal every now and then and also for a chance to catch up with her sister-in-law when nobody else was around. Although Scarlett did wish that Melly would stop singing Ashley's praises. The man certainly didn't deserve to be worshiped by anyone. By the end of the meal, Scarlett was swearing she would never invite Melly to dinner again, but in a month or so she was once again inviting her sister-in-law to dinner.

It irritated Scarlett for anyone to sing Ashley's virtues because he was such a nothing of a man. It also embarrassed her. It made her remember what a lovesick fool she had been. The only bright spot to that whole Ashley debacle was that nobody knew what a fool she had been, but herself. Suellen had made a snide comment about her love for Ashley one time. Scarlett had laughed and said, "We all make mistakes in life. Would you like me to go over your big mistakes? I could start with that orange material you picked out for a new dress when you were thirteen. You always looked like a pumpkin in that dress."

Suellen had never said another word about Ashley. She knew that Scarlett knew too many of the embarrassing things she had done and that had happened to her in her life.

Scarlett knocked back the last of her brandy and went to bed.

Two weeks later as the family was getting on the train to Atlanta from Jonesboro, Mammy told her, "I am moving back to Tara. Miss Suellen needs a nursemaid."

"She has Prissy."

"No, Prissy has gotten married. She has Lulu but that woman is worthless."

"When did Prissy get married and to whom?"

"One of your tenants."

"Who?"

"I don't know his name."

"I hope it wasn't that buffoon, Sam Elliot."

"I think that was his name."

"Their children are going to be a bunch of fools. When was this?"

"Three or four months ago."

"Why didn't anyone tell me?"

"I guess nobody thought you would want to know. You always talk so badly about Prissy."

"She is lazy, and she is a nitwit."

"She isn't your problem anymore."

"No, she isn't. Dilcey can be a nursemaid."

"No, Dilcey, Pork, and their son moved to the North."

"When?"

"Right after Prissy got settled."

"Pork is too old to relocate."

"I guess he didn't think so."

"How did they get the money?"

"I don't know. I must go live at Tara. Miss Suellen needs me."

"I need you."

"Not like Miss Suellen does." Mammy whispered, "She is once again with child."

"God's Nightgown. She just gave birth to Will Junior."

"She seems to be very fertile."

"She should make Will sleep on the couch."

Mammy smiled and said, "I don't think Mr. Will would be happy with that idea."

"Thank goodness, I don't have to deal with a man's foolishness anymore. When do you want to move down to Tara?"

"I don't care. When you are ready to do without me."

"That would be never. I will have to hire a nursemaid to take care of Wade and Ella. Wade is in school so the girl will mostly have to take care of Ella. Ella is so well-behaved that even with her not quite being three years old that isn't hard. Nonetheless, she still needs supervision. I wouldn't want anything to happen to her. She is all that is left of Frank. As soon as I find a nursemaid to replace you, I will let you go to Tara. That's not right. Nobody can replace you, but I might be able to find someone to fill the role of nursemaid."

"Thank you for saying that, Miss Scarlett. "

That night as Scarlett was drinking her nightly brandy, she sighed and thought, 'I have no one but my children now.'