Life 1:6 Q 1
"How long have you… I mean have you always?" Firepaw queried, stumbling over his words.
Snakepaw gave off a light chuckle. "Thankfully enough, I haven't always been this way, but that was a very long time ago. I guess a story on my origins is a good place to start. Long ago, before the clans, before the tribes that came before, were the families. Things were very different back then, no code to follow. We could only place our trust in the Great Families. There were quite a few, but the ones you need to know were Tigris, Pardus, Leo, Panthera, and Lyncis, translating to Tiger, Leopard, Panther, Lion, and Lynx. Even now, the clans call back to three of them as the Great Clans. The lesser families would gather under the Great Families, sending their own representation. Back then, we didn't really have leaders. There was the Great Family heads who would organize votes on large decisions by casting stones. We're getting a bit off topic, but keep in mind that our culture was very loose at the time. Rules were more suggestion, and we only kept together through convenience.
I know I was born to a lesser family. I wish I still remember who they were. Anyways, I was gifted the name Serpens Catulus, or Kit of the Snake after I got lost. They found me snuggly wrapped by a snake. It hadn't been trying to hurt me, oddly enough. As I grew older, I received a strange dream. With me were two other cats, Saxum Immutatus and Media Nocte. We were given a mission to unify the families because of a coming threat. Ultimately, we succeeded. But we all were toeing the line of death. Saxum and Media were old. I… I was dying from poison. That was when we met the being. It doesn't have a name, but the three of us came to call it One And Three. At least, that was what the being seemed obsessed with. It wanted to… I'm not sure reward is the right word. It didn't need us, and what we received was not purely a blessing. Regardless, it gave us all some form of immortality. Media, when asked how she wanted saved, asked to never be afraid again. She was changed into the form of a beast, never to fear again, but also to never know companionship again. Saxum, he wanted to remain unchanged like a stone. A poor choice of words on his part. Stones do change over time. They bend and weather. Finally, there was me. I… I just didn't want to go. I was still so young. There was still so much I wanted to see, to learn. The being, despite its powerful nature, is not a healer. It could not heal me. Thus, it did the closest thing it could. It forced me to be reborn, displaced from where I died. When we three found each other again, we realized what we'd become. We were the three to its one. One and Three, three and one. These are its numbers. Even the leader's nine lives are tied back to the being, because what is nine but three three times over." Snakepaw recounted, taking several moments to wipe his eyes as clearly the memories were painful. "I wish I could tell you more about back then, but it has been so long. I can scarcely remember what my first life was like at all. Pretty pathetic right?"
"No, no, no! It's not pathetic at all!" Runningwind interjected, cuddling up to Snakepaw who was trying to suppress his sadness. "We can take a break if you like."
Snakepaw wiped at his nose one more time after a sniffle before speaking again. "No. I promised answers. Please ask away. I need to do this."
"How about something hopefully more upbeat. You say you've been here longer than the clans, so did you ever meet the founders?" Runningwind queried, hoping he hadn't just touched upon something raw again.
Snakepaw nodded slowly. "Yes. Yes, I remember them. Of course, they weren't called that at first. There was Tall Shadow, now known as Shadowstar, Clear Sky, also known as Skystar, Gray Wing, and finally Thunder, who I'm sure you can guess his future name. At that time, there really was only two factions. There was Skystar's group who became fiercely territorial and the other three groups headed by Shadowstar, Thunderstar, and Greywing. Windstar and Riverstar didn't actually come to be until later. A great battle was fought, and many were slain. The fighting only halted when the slain themselves rose up as spirits and demanded the groups to unite or die. Thus the clans were formed into five groups, Wind, River, Sky, Shadow, and Thunder. At least, that's how I remember them since it's the cyclic order I'm reborn in. I remember all the founders fondly. Despite how I described Skystar, he meant well. Sometimes we're all overcome by our need to protect to the point where it hurts us. Thunderstar, well he was a very spirited cat who was hurt many times over. He was strong, and did not allow it to break him. Shadowstar, she was a largely distrustful cat, turning away strangers and was quick to kill in the great battle. She was fierce and prickly, but those who weathered her personality found she had a warm side to her. Riverstar was a very gentle cat, always accepting but not foolish. He was like the very nature of water, willing to go with the flow and change. Finally Windstar. She was a very determined cat. She valued her clan over all else. Funnily enough, she was the first one of the leaders to receive nine lives. I got a chance to live under all of their rules at least once. Of course, I didn't act like I do now. I was in a state of constant apathy. To me, what was the point in caring about living when ultimately I'd just die and be forced to live again? I got better, but things around that time are fuzzy because I just didn't care." Snakepaw answered, clearly regretful for who he once was.
"How did you get better?" Firepaw questioned.
"Well, I better explain how it all was to start. After my first death, I was traumatized. Dying was a very painful experience. What brought even more fear was how I was just brought back and dumped into a family. Seeing how they seemed to know me and yet be unable to tell me my own history was just wrong. I spent a lot of time running from death only for it to take me again by random chance. Eventually, I just gave up, letting the cycles happen. I couldn't speak to Saxum or Media about my troubles because they had their own. Media eventually just left, chasing the stars as she called it. Saxum, well he never left his cave. He once proudly was the master of the coming of age ritual. When it was forgotten, so was he. After a while of the apathy, I was snapped out of it by a cat unaffected by the amnestic nature of my presence. I told them my story, and they told me to make the most of it, to try and break the loop. I tried. I really did. I did drastic and sometimes unforgivable things. Nothing worked. Though, it was in my attempts that I learned what I really needed to do. Even though I suffered the worst pains imaginable, I also got to experience the greatest joys available to me. That's when I finally found my philosophy. If I'm destined to die, I'm going to bring joy to as many as possible. Sometimes I'm remembered. Many times, I'm not. Despite this, I will continue to do what I do."
A silence hung over us for a while. Then Runningwind decided to chance a question to break the uneasy silence. "Do you always come just the same, or is there something more?"
Snakepaw pondered on his answer a moment before letting out a light chuckle. "Well, not everything stays the same every cycle. Often, something from my last life carries over. For example, my neck sprain is because I had my neck broken in my last life. There have been some more amusing changes though. I've been a mollie a few times, and boy was that awkward the first few times. The healers kept diagnosing me with gender dysphoria. Not like I ever really grew up to know the differences."
Firepaw also tried to lighten the mood with a comment. "If you've been around so long, you must be really good at fighting."
"I will admit, I am a good fighter, but you must remember I'm also never fully grown. There's a lot I can never do because I don't have the right weight. I'm also always growing, so I sometimes trip over myself or misjudge my own capabilities. It's quite jarring to go from nearly fully grown back to the size of a kit… I think I've said all I can handle for today. Thank you for listening and believing me. It's been a long time since I could vent like this." Snakepaw mewed, clearly exhausted from his emotions.
Runningwind lifted the apprentice by his scruff and climbed down the tree with Firepaw following. It was on this return trip that Firepaw asked another question. "Do you think we could find the being? It might be able to undo what it did."
Snakepaw gave a chuckle, still swinging from Runningwind's jaw. "I've already looked and looked for it. It's gone, but somehow, I know it'll someday be back when there's Three and One. That's the last cryptic message it gave us."