Chapter 19
Tommy had a feeling Jeremiah doubted whether Isaiah had been properly chastised when he delivered the boy to him, but he didn't have the time or inclination to argue about it – Finn was still in the corner and they both probably wanted this thing done.
His original anger had gone a little – it reared up when he pictured Lily in front of the fire and the fact that all three of them had held her – three against a six-year-old girl, Jesus Christ. But when he separated the anger to be split across the three culprits and told himself that two of them had been dealt with, he was able to put it aside and stay calm.
The cigarette he smoked on the walk back helped. Ada was out on the street with some of her friends when he got back to Watery Lane and when he caught her eye she shouted over to him that John had gone home with George and Katie. He nodded, throwing the end of his cigarette down. That was probably just as well.
The front room was empty when he opened the door, and he figured Rosie had maybe taken Lily up the stairs to get away from it, so he was surprised when he went to the kitchen to see them in it with Polly and Finn still in the corner.
"Tommy, Finn said sorry," Lily said upon seeing him standing in the doorway.
He nodded, keeping his face blank, "So he should be."
She looked troubled at that and didn't reply. He didn't entirely understand why, but he realised that something about what was bothering Finn with Lily was how soft he was with her, so he didn't say anything else to her, not trying to reassure her after his harsh remark – though he wanted to.
"We've had a little chat," Polly told him – he raised an eyebrow in response, wondering if Polly's definition of 'little chat' meant she'd leathered Finn for him while he was gone. Half hoping it did, though being fairly sure it didn't given he still had his nose in the corner where it had been when Tommy had left.
"Lily's been told that Finn's been a bit jealous of her taking your attention," Rosie spoke up, "And that he did what he did because he didn't know what to do to get your attention back other than by acting up."
He looked between her and Polly, before turning to the back of Finn's head. Bloody hell. Was she right?
"That right Finn?"
The boy took a moment before saying, "Kind of."
"Kind of?"
"Well, yeah," Finn mumbled.
"Well that was a bit stupid wasn't it?" Tommy asked with a click of his tongue whilst he tried to think of what to say to the new information.
The boy shrugged.
Tommy sighed, "I thought I told you to stop shrugging."
"Sorry," Finn muttered.
Tommy rubbed the bridge of his nose. His brother thought the only way to get his attention was by acting like a little twat. And by doing something that could have ended in disaster. What was he meant to make of any of it? He pulled out a chair and sat down, resisting the urge to put his head down on the wooden surface and close his eyes and hope it would all just go away.
It wasn't until Lily came over to him and he gladly pulled her up onto his lap and held on to her that Tommy really appreciated how much he got from the child. Before Lily he had always had to in control of himself – or maybe that wasn't the right phrase, because he was in control now. But he couldn't be soft. It wasn't only that he needed to be soft with her, it was that being soft with her, having someone to be soft with, felt good. Felt like a relief from every other minute of the day when he was out striking the fear of god into people with calculated words and actions and razor blades if need be.
He had wanted Finn to start toughening up – and the harsh reality was the boy did need to toughen up. But he needed to toughen up outside the house, not so much in it, Tommy realised.
"Lily," he said, and she looked up at him, "How do you feel about Finn saying sorry?"
"He said sorry," she said, shrugging.
"Yes, but do you accept his apology?"
"Yeah!" she answered – in a tone that might have been accompanied by an eye roll.
He frowned, "Lily I don't like that tone, I wouldn't take it from Ada or Finn so I'm not going to take it from you, understand?"
She frowned at him, then bit her lip and mumbled an apology.
"Alright, so let's try again – do you accept Finn's apology?"
"Yes Tommy."
"Good girl," he said, kissing her head and hugging her tight for a minute.
"Right, Finn," he said, raising his voice.
The boy looked over his shoulder nervously.
"Get over here," he told his brother, beckoning him to him.
The boy sidled over, his eyes on the floor.
"Finn, Lily has accepted your apology," Tommy said.
His brother didn't respond verbally but he nodded. Tommy reached out and took his brother's hand, remembering how Finn had clung to his on their walk home the day he had last gone out the back. Finn jolted a little and looked surprised but didn't try and take his hand out of Tommy's grip.
"Finn, what you did was stupid – you know that right? Lily could have been seriously hurt."
His brother nodded and Tommy squeezed his hand.
"And if that was about getting my attention and you couldn't figure any other way to do that then you might be the thickest of the lot of us."
Finn bit his lip and nodded again.
"But," Tommy said, and his brother finally looked in his eye, "I accept that my time has been more split than before."
"You're home more but it's not for me or Ada," Finn blurted out.
Tommy nodded, "Yeah, I guess that's fair. Finn, I'm sorry if I've not given you as much time as I used to. I suppose I didn't appreciate that you need my time still. I don't like what you chose to do to get my attention, but I'm sorry you felt you had to do anything at all, alright?"
The boy nodded and Tommy shifted his legs and pulled him down on the knee Lily wasn't perched on, trying not to wince as the eleven year old's weight came onto him.
Finn looked at him in surprise and Tommy grinned, "If you're not too old to go over it, you're not too old to sit on it."
Finn nodded and Tommy thought he looked quite secretly pleased to be sat opposite Lily. Quite how long his own knees could take both of them for though he wasn't entirely sure.
"Right Finn, what do you say this one time we'll let it go? Lily's accepted your apology, so we can call it done with the corner, eh?"
His brother shifted on his knee a little, looking at the ground before shaking his head, "No, it'll eat away at me Tommy."
Tommy kept the surprise off his face. He was fairly sure if he'd been offered a free pass on a hiding when he was eleven he'd have jumped at it. Maybe Finn had more maturity than he gave him credit for.
"Alright then," he told his brother, nudging him up and off his knee, keeping an arm on his waist, "Good man."
He turned his attention to Lily, "You go back to your sister bab, me and Finn are going to go out back and get this done with."
She didn't move but stared at Finn with wide eyes before saying, "Finn, do you want to get smacked?"
He glanced down at her in annoyance, "Of course I bloody don't. But I'll feel better after."
"Oi! I just had a word with her about her tone, don't make me repeat it," Tommy told his brother, "And don't swear, you're still not old enough."
He waited a minute but Finn's mind seemed to have already gone to steeling himself for what he was about to get and he decided to let it go.
"Right Lily, off you go," he said, moving his hand from Finn to pick her up with both of his and putting her feet on the floor.
Polly stood and came to take her hand, saying, "Come on pet, you and me will go have a seat in the front room and let these two have their privacy."
It wasn't so much privacy Tommy knew, Finn had been out the back enough times and been on the receiving end of enough smackings in the house to have about as much concern as any other Shelby for their privacy when they were on the receiving end of some discipline – which was absolutely none, for all their concerns were related entirely to their backsides, even Ada only cared about her dignity to begin with – but he realised Polly thought Lily might be upset at overhearing anything.
Rosie stood to follow them, and just as she got to the door Finn spoke up and said, "Rosie – eh – I'm really sorry for how I acted."
She turned and ran her eyes up and down him before saying, "You reckon you're going to feel better after Tommy takes you out back?"
Finn clearly wasn't sure if it was a trick question or not, but he nodded after a pause.
"Good, I'm glad," she replied softly, and gave him a smile, before turning and heading through to the front, closing the doors on her way.
Tommy stood up and put his arm around Finn's shoulders for a minute before saying, "Finn, I'm really proud of you – I hope you know that."
The boy shrugged and Tommy thought about giving him a smack for shrugging again – but then maybe the shrug was a genuine answer, and maybe that was more his fault than Finn's if his brother didn't know.
"You want a warm up?" he asked his brother.
Finn shook his head, and Tommy wasn't surprised – it was one bloody thing to admit you needed one hiding, asking for a spanking first too was probably beyond the realms of all possibility. Even if they all bloody well knew that it hurt less overall if you'd already been smacked earlier in the day rather than going straight in with the strap, but it was what it was.
He picked up the razor strop, still lying on the table where he'd thrown it down after coming in with Isaiah - ironic really, seeing in twisted in about all of Ada's presents and discarded paper – in one hand and held out his other hand to his brother, who placed his own in it. Tommy gave a gentle tug and the two headed out the back door.
It was cold and Tommy was glad he hadn't taken off his coat from coming back in.
"Right Finn – hands on the wall," he said nodding his head at the knee-high wall that ran in between the bit of the back that was supposed to be theirs and what was supposed to be next door's, though of course the two next doors were both the shop.
He thought about making Finn count them out – he knew from his own experience that it was less easy to transport yourself elsewhere and try to block out what was going on on your backside if you had to remember to focus and count them – but he decided if there was ever a thrashing the boy should be able to zone out of it was this one.
He raised the strap and brought it down with a crack. Finn rocked forward a little, and bent and straightened his knees a few times, but didn't cry out. The second got the same and the third got much the same with a small gasp.
It was the sixth he stood properly on, his hands going to his rear end.
Tommy let him go for a minute before saying, "Come on, back over Finn."
The boy complied but began crying properly on the seventh stroke.
Tommy paused to rub his hand over his brother's back, "Doing well Finn lad, only another four to go and we're through."
Finn nodded and Tommy stood back and brought it down again saying, "Three more and we're done and it's behind us Finn."
He did the next two across the tops of Finn's thighs, knowing the boy would think it odd if he left them completely untouched, and they resulted in him hopping from foot to foot but he stayed in position.
"Last one Finn," Tommy told him before bring the strap down for its final lick.
Finn straightened as soon as it was done, his hands going to his rear end and jiggling from foot to foot as he rubbed frantically. Tommy folded the old strop up and stuffed it in his pocket as he waited for the dance to subside a little. When Finn eventually turned to look at him, Tommy held out his arms and was relieved when his brother came to him.
He knelt to hold him closer, running his hand through his brother's hair giving a murmuring running commentary of phrases he had fallen out of the habit of saying to the boy over the past year or so, "I'm so proud of you Finn, that's a good boy, you did well Finn, I'm so proud of you, you did good, that's it done now, it's all done now."
Finn's arms were tight around him and Tommy felt the boy's sobs wrack his whole body as he cried into his shoulder. He supposed, whilst he wouldn't have volunteered himself for a spanking, much less a real hiding, at any age, he knew what Finn meant – it was a guilt cleanser, to pay the price and cry it out.
His knees were sore on the concrete but he stayed there until Finn loosened his grip a little – he had half considered sitting on the wall and pulling the boy onto his lap, but he figured Finn wouldn't thank him for it at the moment.
He wiped the boy's face with his hands once he had pulled out of Tommy's shoulder a little then came up to stand.
"I'm so proud of you Finn," he repeated again, somehow knowing it was important that the boy heard him say it, and not as part of a wave of consolation.
Finn's arms went around his waist as a fresh bout of tears started in the boy – quite what for Tommy wasn't sure but he'd wait it out. He lifted his brother's hands gently one at a time, threading them inside his coat to try and keep Finn a little warmer - or to keep his arms a little warmer anyway, he figured he was plenty warm elsewhere – folding the coat over him as much as he could and running his fingers through the boy's hair. He had always liked it when their mother ran her fingers through his hair – not that he'd ever have admitted it.
"Hey, Finn, shall we go inside, it's cold out here?" he asked after a while, keeping his tone as gentle as he could.
The boy sniffed and nodded, scrubbing at his face with his hands as Tommy wrapped an arm around his shoulder and steered him back into the house.
"You sit here a minute," Tommy said, leading him over to the table, "Or stand here a minute if you'd rather – I'll go get you some water."
"Can I have a whisky?" Finn sniffed with an attempt at a smile.
"You can if you fancy another session with this," Tommy said with a grin back at his brother, pulling the razor strop out of his pocket and hanging it back up by the door before reaching for a mug that was drying on the side, "I'll be back in a minute, try not to get into any more trouble in that time, eh?"