Chapter 25

One of the things he appreciated about Rosie was her ability to realise when to let something go – she seemed instinctively able to judge when he really wasn't willing to discuss something, like the communist issue, in a way that Ada never seemed able to judge. But she was also good at sniffing out when something was bothering him – and good at knowing, seemingly better than he did himself, when pushing him to talk about something would make him feel better. And at knowing what to say to make him feel better. He did half wonder if she had a touch of something in her, like Finn had thought, that let her read people. Something she didn't learn from a book.

He lifted Lily up onto his hip and pulled his coat around her as best he could, rubbing his hand up and down her woollen socks to try and create some friction and heat for her. It was cold, and Rosie was late coming out from the shop across the road – but Ada was staying with a friend for the night, Finn was staying with Isaiah and Polly had disappeared as soon as he had appeared in the house. He imagined his aunt was trying to do him a favour, but he wouldn't have minded if she had stayed a while so he could have left Lily at home rather than drag her out in the snow.

He was fairly sure she'd have been fine if he had left her in the front room for the sake of the half hour or so it took him to walk to the shop and walk back with Rosie – he knew she'd been home alone plenty of times when Rosie had been at work before she'd come to live with them – but it just didn't sit entirely right with him. It was the same reason he insisted on Finn being walked to and from school, it just seemed to him they were both too vulnerable to be left on their own. John let George and Katie walk to school alone – and laughed at Tommy – "Tommy mate what's going to happen to them on the way to school? You reckon people are after kids these days?"- but he didn't particularly care. If John wanted to be reckless that was John's choice.

Rosie appeared eventually, wrapping the scarf he'd bought her around her neck and crossed over to them, one gloved hand going to the back of Lily's head as she tip-toed to kiss her sister hello and one resting casually on his chest to balance herself as she did so. He was never going to be the kind of person who kissed people in public, but there was almost a part of him that was annoyed he didn't get kissed hello too. Instead she stood back and stuffed her hands in her pockets, smiling over the scarf at him. Her smile was genuine, but he could see how tired she was.

"How was work?" he asked her.

She rolled her eyes, "Busy – men moaning about their wives moaning and how their cigarettes are their only pleasure and the wives in moaning that their men are spending all the money on gambling and drinking as if it's not just been Christmas."

"Sounds joyful."

"Aye – and now everyone knows where I live they all seem to think I can do something about the gambling," she replied, slightly crossly.

"Do they say that?"

"Not directly, but I can tell that's what they're getting at."

"What do you say?"

"I don't say anything," she shrugged, "I've half thought about saying it's not Shelby gambling they're doing because you keep sending them away even when the shop's half empty half the time, but I figure that's not my place to say."

He knew she'd seen him do it, but she'd never acknowledged it.

"Does it worry you?" he asked her.

She smiled up at him, "No – I think it's a good thing that you send them away," then she moved her eyes back to the street in front of them, "Even though I know it worries you."

There it was. She was tired, she'd had a busy day and all she wanted to bring up was that she knew he was worried.

"We'll be fine for a while, there's plenty of money coming in elsewhere," he replied, shifting Lily round to his front so she could wrap herself around his waist and keep both her legs in his coat

"I know – I trust you Thomas. You just need to trust yourself and stop letting Arthur get to you," she said. The words made something bloom in his chest. But she didn't linger on them, or wait for him to respond, she simply smiled at her sister and said, "You nice and warm in Tommy's coat?"

Lily nodded and burrowed her head against his chest, her face pointing to her sister.

"I put extra coal on the fire before we left so the house will be warm – and the bath water's heating too, probably be too warm when we first get back."

"I'll do dinner first anyway, then I'll scrub that little midden – has your Aunt Polly been letting you paint again? It's all in your hair," she said with a grin to Lily, who giggled and nodded as Rosie reached up and tugged lightly at the green and blue strands on the blonde head.

"No need for you to be cooking, we're going for fish and chips," he replied.

"Oh Tommy don't be silly, that's expensive," she said, shaking her head, "And I've got all the bits for a stew."

"Make the stew on Monday, you've been working all day, you look dead on your feet."

"Cheers Thomas."

"Well you do, doesn't she Lily? Your sister needs a nice relaxing night and that's what she'll get – helped by the fact that Ada won't be in to make a racket all night and Finn's staying with Isaiah. Just us tonight Lily - and fish and chips for tea, how does that sound?"

The baby nodded.

"Tommy there's loads of food in the house – and the veg won't keep till Monday, it's needing used – I swear since it got around that we moved I pay for what I ask for when I buy food then get home and there's double what I paid for."

He smirked, "Benefits of being a Shelby."

She rolled her eyes, "Well it's immoral to waste food."

"Immoral," he snorted.

"It is."

"Alright then," he said, reaching over to squeeze her waist and rubbing her back a little, "How about for a compromise we have fish and chips tonight then tomorrow you can make the stew and we'll take it over to John's and let that lot have it, so the food doesn't go to waste, eh?"

She side eyed him, then glanced at her sister. She knew what he was at.

"What do you think Lily?" she asked, "Shall we have fish and chips tonight then go over to John's tomorrow, you can see Katie?"

Lily shook her head and pressed her face into Tommy.

They exchanged a glance with one another, it had been weeks since Christmas day and the friendship that had been blossoming between Lily and Katie had come to an abrupt halt – and Polly kept giving him pointed looks every time Lily refused to speak to Katie or go to John's house.

Evidently not wanting to push her sister, Rosie sighed and said, "Well I'll agree to that for a compromise – only because I'm so tired though."

"See Lily, your sister can be a good girl sometimes," he said with a smirk at the sister in question, patting the back of the child's head.

Rosie kicked him in the shin and he raised an eyebrow at her – but she just raised one right back. He glanced down to make sure Lily's face was still pressed into his chest then swatted quickly at the redhead's backside. Far from being chastised she giggled at him – which made have to fight to keep his face in its stern countenance rather than smile at her; she wasn't particularly a giggler and the novelty of it only made it more special whenever she did.

He slid his arm around her waist, pulling her to his side the rest of the way to the chip shop, only using entering through the single door as an excuse to slide his hand down to and pat her rear end to push her in ahead of him.

Afterwards, once they had eaten and bathed, Lily had brought her doll and bear down from their bedroom and Rosie had brushed out her sister's hair before leaving her to play in front of the fire and join him on the sofa.

Her own hair had been brushed out too in the time that they'd gone upstairs, but hers was short enough it seemed to have dried by the time he'd bathed himself and they'd reappeared - Lily in her nightdress and socks with a jumper over the top of it, Rosie in her standard oversized men's pyjamas she wore – certainly, when she picked up her book and lay her head on his shoulder he didn't feel any dampness coming through his shirt.

They sat in a contented silence for a while, her turning the pages of her book whilst he flicked through the paper, only shifting slightly when one or other of them reached for their tea, and Lily jabbered away on the floor quite happily with her toys - until Rosie glanced up at one point to see that Lily had shifted further backwards, towards the fire during her game.

"Lily come away a bit from the fire, your hair might catch," she called down to her sister, her head still on his shoulder and her feet still tucked up under her.

Lily looked up at her, then continued to play with her doll and her bear – not moving.

"Lily!" she called again, closing her book and sharpening her tone.

The girl didn't even look up this time. Tommy frowned, Lily's tantrums seemed to have been stopping – she hadn't been crying or screaming for a while, but in their place there was an attitude that, like Polly had said, kept coming back over and over again, no matter how he told her to mind it. He had thought from the first tantrum that maybe Polly had been right and, as annoyed as he had been over her comments on Christmas Day, the more he had gone over them in his head – and the more he watched Katie ignore Lily every time they were in a room together, other than when she was forced to speak to her – the more he was convinced he perhaps had been too soft on the child.

Rosie sighed, then swung her feet down and strained to move, clearly going to go lift her sister away from the fire.

He laid a hand over on her stomach and pushed her gently backdown the inch or so she had come forward, "You stay where you are, you're tired," he told her, then turning his eyes to the child on the hearth, "Lily!"

She looked up to him and he raised an eyebrow at her.

She moved her chin down so she was looking up at him from under her eyes with a vaguely irritated look – he fought not to smile because it was a perfect child's imitation of the look he'd give to people when he looked up at them from under his hat. But he was quite sure he was more intimidating looking than the blond haired, blue eyed bab that sat giving it to him. Still, he'd never seen her use it before and he figured she'd picked it up from him looking at his brothers that way when they said stupid things and the imitation tickled him a little.

She still didn't move though so he kept his face stern and leant forward, placing his elbows on his knees and said, "Lily if I have to get up and move you it's a smacked backside you'll find yourself sitting on."

Her eyes went very wide as she looked at him, seeming shocked at what he had said, and he watched her brain process his words before she bumped herself towards them, away from the fire.

He smiled a little then, "Good - now one more bump this way please, to be safe."

She complied and he leant back, his hand that had been on Rosie's stomach moving to her thigh, which he stroked absent-mindedly as he told her sister, "That's a good girl now Lily, but I'm not pleased how long that took – you do what you're told the first time or you run the risk of a smack, do you understand?"

"Yes Tommy," she whispered, still looking at him with wide eyes, her voice a little wobbly.

Rosie's hand came down on top of his and he looked over at her in question as she dug her nails into his skin.

"She's never been smacked," she told him in a low voice, so the child wouldn't hear.

He snorted, as quietly as he could, "Yeah - that was quite obvious at Ada's birthday tea. Fucking sweets."

"I don't want her being hurt," she replied, her voice low but firm.

Her hand was still digging into his, so he reached over with his free hand and tapped her thigh lightly, "Did that hurt?"

She rolled her eyes, "I've seen you dishing out smacks Tommy – and felt them too might I add-"

"Aye, only the once really," he cut across her with a grin, "And you got off lightly because you made me laugh with your baboon comments. Thinking I'll need to rectify it at some point."

"Maybe it was the once but that little tap there certainly wasn't what you laid down on me," she hissed at him out the side of her mouth, smiling down at Lily, who was looking up at them, her eyes still a bit wetter than normal.

The child was obviously slightly upset by his words – which was not necessarily a bad thing in his mind, if words alone worked as a deterrent then he'd use words as long as he could. But in the instant she'd moved in response to the words, he'd made up his mind – Polly had been right. Not that he would be giving his aunt the satisfaction of making a thing of it.

He smiled at Lily too and replied to Rosie quietly, "Yeah as if I'd lay down on her what I did on you - she's six. All she needs is a tap to get her attention – the idea of it is more of a concern to them at that age than the reality of whether it hurts or not; don't you forget I've had two that age on my hands before, I know what I'm doing. Only reason I'd put any force into smacking her would be if she ran risk of hurting herself worse than I could hurt her."

"Aye cause setting herself on fire isn't that!"

"She wouldn't have got on fire," he tutted at her worry, "I'd have been over there before that – worst that could have happened was that she'd lose some hair and serve her right if she did for not listening to you!"

"You've got a right funny idea of justice Thomas Shelby," she told him, her smile still firmly in place as Lily looked between them.

"Me and the rest of the world," he replied, trying not to laugh at her, "If she spoke back to the teacher or didn't move when she was told to in school she'd get worse than I'd give her and there'd be no one you could be digging your little claws in to about it."

She huffed at him then before removing her nails from his hand and he laughed openly at her, unable to stop himself.

"Tommy, I don't want her being scared of you," she said quietly, "I don't want her flinching every time you raise an eyebrow at her."

He raised an eyebrow at her then, "Do you see Ada or Finn flinching around me? Do you flinch around me?

"No but she's a child."

"So are you, may I remind you."

She rolled her eyes at that and turned from him, held her arms out to her sister saying, "You want to sit up here with me Lily?"

The child nodded and abandoned her toys to run the few steps into her sister's outstretched hands, where she was swept up onto Rosie's lap for kisses to be peppered along her forehead.

He reached over to grab one of her feet and gave it a squeeze saying, "Lily – you're still my best girl, aren't you?"

She looked at him a little uncertainly and he grinned and said, "Of course you are Lily, you're always my best girl, even when I'm not pleased with you that doesn't change."

He noticed she seemed to relax a little then, her head fell against Rosie's chest more easily and she smiled more widely. He could see why Rosie had never smacked the child – she was a nervous little thing at times, though not so shy or nervous now as she had once been, and though she was a happy baby overall, her upsets were upsetting to watch and she required a lot of reassurance afterwards – though as soon as the reassurance had been accepted she seemed to forget the upset as quickly as it had come over her.

Where the worry about her being scared of him had come from he didn't know. He imagined it had something to do with their mother – and that both giving out discipline and reassuring the child afterwards that they were still safe and loved was a hard thing to balance if Rosie had been trying to do it alone. But enough had been enough and it was time for Lily to get her boundaries drawn clearly – Polly had been right too when she'd said it wasn't fair on her to ask her to manage herself. And he knew that the discipline differences between Lily and Finn had been partly to blame for the incident at Ada's birthday; before Katie had ever been distant with her. And besides, Rosie wasn't alone anymore. She needed to know that, if nothing else.

"Lily, c'mere to me a minute, I want us to have a talk," he said, holding out a hand to her.

She glanced up at her sister before reaching out to take it, and though Rosie helped her to slide over her eyes pierced him. He ignored the redhead, put his hands on Lily's waist and lifted her to stand on the sofa in between his legs so that his head and hers were around the same height.

"Now, this is a very serious discussion we're going to have, and I don't want you to forget it, so pay attention, okay?"

She nodded and bit her lip, clearly slightly nervous.

"Good – now, first of all, the most important thing is you're my best girl Lily and that will never change, okay?" he said.

She nodded.

"Good girl," he said, rubbing his hands up and down her waist, not letting her go in case she decided to step backwards and fall off the sofa at his words, "Now the next thing Lily is that your sister here thinks you won't be talking to me if I give you a smack – would that be right?"

She bit her lip again, looked at her sister and then looked back at him before saying, "Well I don't think I would like it very much."

He smiled at her innocence.

"That's good – because you're not supposed to like it Lily. It's supposed to be a consequence of you not doing what you're told. Consequence means it's what happens when you don't do as you're told," he told her, pre-empting the question, "And if you liked the consequence it wouldn't work. It has to be something you don't like to make sure you do do as you're told. You need to want to avoid the consequence - do you understand?"

She nodded slowly.

"That's my clever girl," he said, smiling at her, "Now, the good news about this is that it's all up to you – if you're a very good girl and you do as you're told and you're not cheeky, you won't need to worry about being smacked, alright?"

She nodded.

"But if you don't do as you're told – like you didn't do tonight when Rosie told you to sit away from the fire – or if you give any of us that attitude that you know I don't like, then you understand that that might get your backside smacked, yes?"

She nodded again, her mouth drooping.

"And that makes you just the same as every other kid round here – same as Ada and Finn, same as Isaiah, same as all John's kids. That's what happens to all of them, Lily – you know that, you've seen it plenty. So, it's not just you."

She smiled slightly at that then and he realised how much that distance that had been between her and Finn and Katie and the rest of them had been bothering her. All Lily wanted was to be part of a group – and he hadn't let her do that by being different with her. Damn Polly. But he'd change that now. He smiled back at Lily and wrapped his left arm around her waist to hold her so he could release his right.

He held it out to her saying, "So shall we shake hands that we have a deal then Miss Jackson? That you're a real Watery Lane kid now? Same as the rest of them - if you don't behave you get a smacking and if you do behave then you don't get smacked?"

She giggled at him then placed her tiny hand in his. He shook it very solemnly before bringing it to his lips and kissing it, rubbing his thumb against the back of it.

"Now Lily, there's something else I need you to understand," he continued, releasing her hand and holding his up so she could see it clearly, "See this hand of mine Lily? It will smack you sometimes – because it's natural that all kids struggle to do what they're told all of the time. And I won't like it and you won't like it when it happens, but it will happen, and we'll get through it, alright?"

She nodded, pouting a little. He knew she didn't really understand what he was saying – that, though he knew it would happen one day, he would find it tougher than she would when he had to discipline her. But he wasn't going to fail her by not doing it.

"And when you get into real trouble – which probably won't happen till you're older - this hand will turn you over my knee and give you a proper spanking. And we'll both be really upset when that happens – because it will happen."

She frowned at that.

"But see this same hand Lily?" he pressed on before she could think too much on her frown, "I promise you - once you've been punished for your wrongdoings, it'll go round you and it'll hold you and it'll wipe away all your tears. And this hand will hold your hand in it when we're out and about so that you never get lost. And this hand will work all its days to make sure you've always got food in your tummy and a roof over your head. And this hand will help you with your homework, until you get cleverer than it - which you will. And it will tickle you because your laugh is one of my favourite sounds in the whole world," he moved it to her stomach then do just that and was rewarded with her giggle, and he laughed with her, "Yeah, that laugh right there Lily," he said, nodding, "That's the one. This hand will play games with you. And it'll comfort you. And it'll cuddle you. It'll stop at nothing to protect you. And it'll keep you safe."

He moved his hand back, so he held her waist evenly again, both hands circling it and holding her tight, "My hands are yours Lily, I promise you that - they belong to you. For my whole life you will get everything you need from my hands, okay? Because you're my best girl and I love you, very, very much. Do you hear me? Even when your naughty side comes out and you get a smacking, I still love you and you're still my best girl, do you understand?"

"Yes Tommy," she whispered.

"Alright – you promise me you will never, ever forget that? No matter how upset you are with me?"

"I promise."

"Good girl Lily, now give me a best girl cuddle," he said, pulling her into him.

Her little arms went around his neck as she fell against him and when she said, "I love you too Tommy," he thought he might burst – or that perhaps he would burst her from hugging her to him so tightly.

"Are you crying?" he heard her ask then sounding amused, and he wouldn't have been surprised if he was, because he really was quite overwhelmed at her telling him that she loved him - but when he looked at her he saw she was looking at her sister, who had moved forward to sit on the edge of the couch and was facing the other way, tipping tea down her throat, her shoulders shaking slightly.

"Me? No!" came the shaky response from the redhead.

"Ah that sister of yours Lily, she's tough when it comes to everyone else but she's awful soft and emotional when it comes to you. And maybe me too, a little bit, I'm beginning to think," he said, snaking his right-hand round Lily's waist to keep her in place and reaching out his left to pat Rosie's back a little.

He wished he could see her face, wondering what she'd make of the assertion he thought she might be soft with him – soft on him.

"Away and chase yourself Thomas Shelby," she half shrieked, half sobbed, waving her hand over her shoulder at him and spilling the remnants of the tea in the process.

He shook his head, exchanging a smile with Lily, "Shall I take you upstairs and put you to bed Lily? Let your sister have her moment in private? She's awful silly, doesn't like it if anyone sees her being soft."

Lily giggled and nodded and he got to his feet with her in his arms, "I'm not as good a singer as your sister though Lily, so you might just need to go without a song tonight, hope that's alright."

The lack of song didn't seem to bother her - after he had tucked her in and stroked her hair she had fallen asleep quite quickly, with her hand curled around his. He'd only just managed to find the heart to untwine his fingers from hers – he could have stayed there for hours, staring in wonder at this little thing who loved him. He didn't know what he had done to deserve that, but by god he had meant every word he had said to her – he was hers, for the rest of his days.

It wasn't that he'd felt unloved before. He knew his brothers and sister loved him, knew his aunt loved him – but they just didn't feel any need to say it. And yet, hearing it said had unlocked something in him that he hadn't realised had been locked in the first place.

But he had another slightly bigger little thing downstairs, so eventually he folded Lily's hand under her covers and headed back down the stairs to join the redhead on the sofa.