Chapter 58

Rosie had been right, Lily had kept herself awake until they arrived back at the hotel room and sent the nursemaid off for the night. As it turned out, despite them not going dancing so they could get back to her earlier than they would have, it wasn't enough to stop a tantrum the next morning.

Tommy knocked on their door, ready to go down to breakfast and was taken aback when a slightly harassed looking Rosie opened it and spoke to him with her head turned over her shoulder into the room, "We're not having a great morning, could you go down to breakfast without us? Lily, put that down! Right now!"

He stood silently, listening to Lily making the snuffling noises of a child who wasn't quite screaming or crying but was well on their way, and waited till Rosie turned her face to him, where she read his refusal in his own. She opened her mouth to say something then a thud sounded from inside the room and her head whipped back around.

"Lily – I have asked you already to stop throwing things."

"You've asked her?" he growled, raising his eyebrow – not that Rosie saw it as she was clearly in a staring contest with the child, "Get her told."

"Lily – if you don't put your dress on we won't be going to the zoo," Rosie was saying.

He pushed the door slightly further open and took in the sight of Lily standing her underwear brandishing one of her new shoes.

He watched almost seemingly in slow motion as the child screamed, stamped her foot and shouted, "Don't want to wear that dress!" and then threw the shoe across the room in Rosie's direction.

It didn't hit her, landing short, but the intention was clear.

"Lily," he said, keeping his voice deathly quiet, speaking slowly and capturing her attention over Rosie's shoulder, "Did you just throw that shoe at your sister?"

She put her fingers in her mouth and stared at him. Rosie sighed and stepped aside, allowing him to come into the room and close the door behind him as he kept his eyes on the child.

"Don't want to wear that dress," she repeated, with slightly less gusto.

"I don't really care what you want to wear, you'll wear what you've been told and you will not throw things, do you hear me?"

"It's not fair!" she screamed, grabbing the other shoe from the box and throwing it to land not too far behind the other one.

He took a step in her direction and she seemed to regain her senses, realising the danger she was in and hurtled across the room, backing herself into a corner between the bed and the wall. He supposed it was the furthest point in the room she could go to.

"Tommy, she's just overtired," Rosie said quietly.

"I don't give a damn how tired she is," he replied, loudly enough for Lily to hear.

She looked like she was about to start crying, but she wasn't quite there yet.

"You listen to me, madam," he said, crossing the room to stand at the foot of the bed, blocking her in to the space, "You are allowed to be tired. You are allowed to be upset. You are not allowed to backtalk your sister when she tells you to get dressed and you are definitely not allowed to throw things at either of us."

"Didn't throw!" she fibbed, obviously wanting to not be in the trouble she thought she was.

"So those shoes just left your hands magically did they?"

"Accident."

"It was not an accident, don't lie to me or I'll wash your mouth out with soap."

"I want to wear my new dress and coat and shoes Tommy!" she wailed, stamping her foot again.

"And I've explained you can't wear that lovely new dress and coat and your clean cream coloured shoes to the zoo because it'll be mucky and dirty. You can wear your old shoes and dress and keep the new ones for dinner tonight," Rosie interjected.

The baby took a deep breath, got very red in the face and then screamed at the top of her lungs, "I hate you! I don't want to wear my old dress!"

"Right, that's it, you do not talk to your sister like that," he said, advancing on her.

Had he been less annoyed with her behaviour he might have laughed as she grabbed the hem of her vest and yanked it down, holding it over her underwear as if to give her an extra layer of protection whilst she glared at him. It sprang up as he took a grip of the arm nearest him.

She thrashed against him, but he got her turned around without too much difficulty and tapped her backside. It couldn't have possibly hurt, being far more of a symbolic gesture than anything with any force behind it, but it had the desired effect. She stopped thrashing and started crying – great, deep sobs that made her shoulders move. He let her arm go as she took a few steps away from him and balled her fists into her eyes, none of them said anything as she went through her emotions.

He glanced at Rosie, who was watching the child with a worried look on her face, though neither of them moved when Lily threw herself down on the ground and cried there too, letting her get it out until, finally, she sat up and looked around, looking up at him with her big eyes wet and sorrowful, seeking comfort.

He raised an eyebrow at her and she bit her lip, clearly unsure if she was forgiven or not.

"C'mere," he said, crouching to her and holding out his hands.

She got up and threw herself at him, still sniffling.

"You going to say sorry to your sister?" he told her, standing up and taking her up with him, her legs wrapped around his waist like a limpet.

She looked over to Rosie, then buried her face in his chest, as though she thought she could hide there forever and that they wouldn't know where she was.

"I hope you're hiding because you're ashamed of yourself and not because you don't want to apologise," he said, hardening his voice.

She turned her face slightly as if she wanted to peek at Rosie, to see what mood she was in, before she apologised, then looked up at him and whispered, miserably, "I didn't mean it Tommy."

"I know you didn't, but you said it. So you owe Rosie an apology."

"What if she's angry with me?"

"Then you make it right," he told her, raising an eyebrow and putting her back on her feet, facing her sister.

She stared at the ground, refusing to look up.

"Lily, you're heading the right way for a properly smacked backside," he told her, displeased at her refusal to just get on with it and apologise.

"Lily, sweetheart, come to me," Rosie coaxed her sister, not dissimilar to the way he addressed his horses.

Lily moved her head upwards then ran to her sister and burst into a fresh set of tears as she wrapped her arms around her legs, apologising profusely. He didn't understand why it had taken as long as it did, but he was relieved it was done as Rosie knelt down and hugged the child to her, telling her it was alright, that she was forgiven and kissing her head.

"Now, you're obviously tired," Rosie said, smoothing Lily's hair when the sobs had died down.

"Not tired," came the determined reply.

"Yes you are – it's been a big week for you," Rosie said firmly, "So it's alright to be tired. I'm tired, with all this adventuring. So, do you want to go for a nap and we could go to the gallery this afternoon and go to the zoo tomorrow instead?"

Lily shook her head.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I want to go to the zoo," the child said, her voice piteous.

"Alright – alright we'll go to the zoo," Rosie said, hugging her and obviously hoping another bout of tears wasn't about to start, "But if we're going to the zoo Lily you are not going wearing those lovely new things, you hear me? You're going to wear your old dress and shoes and you're going to pick up all the things you've thrown around this room and put them back neatly in their places, you understand? Those are my conditions for taking you to the zoo, so it's up to you whether you accept them or not."

Tommy fought not to roll his eyes. He didn't think six-year-olds should be given a choice on whether or not they wanted to accept conditions – they should be being told what to do and they should be doing as they were told, that was his view on it.

But Lily nodded and raised her arms to let Rosie pull the old dress over her head and sat compliantly in the chair for her sister to put her hair in two neat braids. He had a flashback to the mess he used to make of Ada's hair at first, and his sister had sighed and lost her patience with him several times before school in the morning, demanding he take his efforts out and start again. Which he had done. It had got better as she got slightly older, and then she'd taken to doing it herself, not needing him anymore. He'd been relieved then, rather than realising it was the first sign of her nearing not needing him in other ways.

"These shoes?" he asked, gathering up the old brown shoes from opposite ends of the room, where they'd obviously also been thrown that morning.

Rosie nodded and he knelt in front of the chair and slipped them on the child's feet, feeling like at least he was doing something to help the process along.

He glanced at his watch as Lily slid out of the chair and looked up at her sister.

"Get the room tidied," Rosie said, raising an eyebrow, "That was the last condition."

"And hurry up about it, breakfast finishes in a half hour," he added, slipping his watch back into his waistcoat pocket.

He put his arm around Rosie's waist as she watched Lily pick up bows, shoes and boxes, putting things back as neatly as she could and glancing to her older sister every so often to see if what she was doing was acceptable.

"Well, I think we handled that alright," he said, kissing her head.

She pressed in to him, laying her hand on his chest, "Thank you, it wasn't going well."

"Would have gone a lot easier if you'd given her a good smack with the first thing she threw at you, that would have been the end of it."

"She's tired."

"I don't care, that doesn't excuse her behaviour."

"I know," she sighed, "But I thought I would be able to reason with her. Not that my method worked, obviously."

"She's a child."

"I know," she replied, her hand sliding off of his chest to wrap around herself.

"Hey," he said gently, squeezing her waist, "I'm not trying to criticize you – you've done a brilliant job with her, you know I think that. But she's a child, that's all there is to it – when she's emotional like that she isn't going to be able to be reasoned with."

"I'm sorry," she murmured.

"What? Why are you apologising?"

"I don't want you put in that position where you have to come along and be the disciplinarian. She's my sister, I should be able to handle her."

He put a hand under her chin and turned her face up to him so he could kiss her, "You do a great job and you can handle her – I just have a scarier face than you, that's all there is to it."

"Katie says you have a pouty face," Lily told him, coming over to push herself in the middle of them.

"A pouty face?" he repeated, raising an eyebrow.

"Uhuh, she says people do what people with pouty faces tell them and you have a pouty face and that's why everyone listens to you."

"Is that right, eh?"

"Uhuh."

"You ready to go then Lily?" Rosie said, looking down at the child.

She nodded then looked between then and curled a hand around each of their legs before asking, "You kissed, so is it all better now? All like before?"

"All like before Lily," he told her, as Rosie blushed a little at the child's question.

She nodded and proclaimed that, "Good," before, as was her way, moving on to the next item on her agenda, "Can I have bacon and eggs for breakfast?"

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

The zoo wasn't busy and from the minute the hotel car dropped them off they received the best treatment – though Tommy had no real clue if that was to do with the hotel having rung ahead for them or if it would have happened anyway due to the lack of other visitors. Since it was a school day the other customers were mainly couples, or those with very young children and Lily received lots of attention from all the keepers, getting very thorough tours of all the enclosures and being allowed in to some of them.

The fresh rolls of film Jeremy had brought to them at breakfast that morning were quickly being spent as they were taken into different parts of the zoo and Lily was pictured holding a frog, in front of the enclosure with the clouded leopard – which she begged to be allowed to go in and cuddle, but was told it was too dangerous, no matter how fluffy he looked – and with a goat, which spat on her as she smiled at Tommy holding the camera. The next picture, when developed, would show her looking down in shock at the glob of spit on her dress and in real life the look down was followed with a look up to Rosie, who was standing beside Tommy trying not to laugh as Lily's eyes filled with tears.

The keeper rushed forward with a cloth and, between him and her sister, Lily was soon clean again, though Rosie couldn't resist pointing out, "And how would you have felt if that had happened on that lovely new dress you wanted to wear today, eh?"

"You were right," Lily replied glumly, looking at the wet spot on her dress.

"It'll dry down, it's just water now," Rosie reassured her, patting her head.

"That'll be John's favourite picture from the trip when we show him them," Tommy said, gallantly trying not to laugh as he replayed the incident in his head, watching Lily change from smiling at him to looking shocked, horrified and finally, upset.

He shouldn't be finding it funny, but he was – and he was excused from feeling guilty about it by the fact Rosie had also been stifling her laughter.

"Don't show anyone that!" Lily said, looking up at him with wide eyes.

"Oh come on, they're all going to want to see that when we tell them."

"They'll all laugh at me!"

"You'd laugh at them if a goat spat on them."

"I wouldn't," she insisted, shaking her head emphatically.

She was perhaps the only child he'd believe that from.

"Alright," he relented, patting her head, "We won't put those ones in your book."

"I get to keep them though, right?" Rosie muttered in his ear once Lily was distracted by looking at the pigs in the next pen.

He grinned at her, "Only as long as I get free access to look at them whenever I need a laugh."

Rosie decreed that the pigs were far too mucky for Lily to go in and see, even in her old shoes, so they moved on and watched the sea lion for a while, who waved its flipper at Lily, which finally lifted her out of her sadness as she waved energetically back.

One of the keepers saw her waving and came over to ask how she was liking the zoo.

"It's the best day in London!" she replied.

"We're here for a week on holiday," Rosie explained, "We go home tomorrow."

"Not from around here then, eh?"

"No, we're from Watery Lane," Lily told him.

"Birmingham," Tommy supplied.

"Is this your first time in London?" the keeper asked Lily, who nodded.

"Well I hope you'll come back and see us again," the man smiled kindly at her, his eyes crinkling up as she told him she wanted to come back every day and that she wanted to take all the animals home but that "he", delivered with a pout an accusatory point in Tommy's direction, wouldn't let her.

"The animals need lots of space, that's why they live here in these big enclosures and not in houses like us," the keeper said with a wink up to Tommy, "But if you like I can take you in to go a walk with the penguins, if you won't be scared and if it's alright with your Mum and Dad?"

"I'm not scared," Lily told him boldly, and he laughed and glanced up to the two adults just as Lily continued, "And they're not my mum and dad – that's my sister. And Tommy is kind of like my Daddy. He looks after me. And so does Rosie."

"Alright," the keeper said, "Well - if it's alright with your adults?"

"It's fine by us," Tommy answered, glancing to Rosie, who nodded her own agreement.

The keeper led them past the sea lions and along the fence of the penguin enclosure, right around the back until he opened a gate with a key from a jangling giant set that he kept on his belt – Tommy reckoned the man must need to buy new braces every other week at the strain the keys were putting on them - and led them through it, locking the fence behind them.

"The girl who helped us with the shoes thought I was her father too," he murmured to Rosie, "She never said anything."

Rosie squeezed his hand, "Well, you do look after her. After us."

"I promised I would."

He kissed her forehead briefly, then dropped her hand to pick up the camera again with both of his as he watched the keeper get Lily to take hold of a penguin's – a penguin's whatever. Wing? Flipper? He didn't know. Whatever it was, she grabbed on and began to walk with the bird around the swimming pool in middle of their enclosure. Water had sloshed all over the ground around the pool and he was sure, from the satisfied look on her face, that Rosie's mind was focussing on the state the cream coloured shoes would have been in had she given in to the tantrum of the morning.

"Finn would have liked this," Rosie said as she watched Lily parade around, a few other penguins following them now, as if she were their queen.

"Maybe we should have brought him."

"We could come back over the summer holidays – bring Finn. Get John to come with Katie and George and the twins."

"Might as well just get Arthur and Polly too while we're at it," he replied with a smirk, "Less of a holiday and more just a family outing where the main focus is trying to make sure no one gets themselves killed."

"And Ada and Freddie?"

He sighed, "I'm not promising anything about Freddie. But I'd like it if we were doing any family things over the summer for Ada to be there."

"So would I."

"I know you miss her."

"I do. Not that I ever thought I'd say it. But I do miss her."

"Yeah, I didn't reckon I'd miss her much either. Never thought I'd miss the backtalk and her nonsense and all the bloody headaches she caused me."

"But you do?"

"Yup," he nodded, raising the camera to look through it and take another picture as Lily came walking back towards them, till holding the penguin, "I do."

Her hand touched the back of his neck then, gently stroking the short hair, her thumb running across it. He closed his eyes and enjoyed it, hidden behind the camera.

"I'm sorry," she said, moving her thumb to stroke behind his ear, "I've been on at you to fix this with Ada, haven't thought enough about the fact you're hurting too."

He stood up and shrugged, "My hurt doesn't matter. I'm hurting because I failed her, it's my own fault. My fault it happened in the first place. I shouldn't have let her get herself in this… situation."

"Tommy, sweetheart," Rosie said, her eyebrow raising and her tone sarcastic, but she patted his face gently and genuinely, "Have you met Ada?"

He gave her a half hearted smirk, which she saw straight through.

She sighed then continued, seriously, "Look, I'm not saying I think she meant to get pregnant, alright? You know what she's like, probably thought the risks applied to everyone else except her. But she'd obviously decided to sleep with him and no one can stop Ada from doing what she's decided to do, not even you, so let go of that idea, eh? Just accept that it is what it is and help her. There's no point blaming yourself for what wasn't your fault to start with – and it'd be a crying shame if you let yourself get so consumed with that that you didn't manage to be there for her now, eh?"

"I don't know how to help her Rosie – I wrote to Freddie."

"I know."

"I told him to get out of town and take Ada with him, I figured that way she'd get a taste of the life he could offer her – on the run, living in those little commie safe houses – and I figured she'd come back of her own accord, realise I was right. I suppose I was being selfish – I was giving her the chance to let her get her own way but expecting the outcome to go mine in the end."

"At least you're honest about it," she replied, flicking her eyebrows.

He could tell she didn't particularly approve of what he'd admitted. But he didn't offer her an explanation either.

"You're a good man Tommy, as far as your family are concerned anyway," she said, her voice softer than her eyes, "I know that you think you know what's best for Ada and that's why you want the outcome you want. But sometimes what's best for someone in your world isn't what's best for them in theirs, eh?"

He snorted, "Freddie's pulled a card I didn't see coming and it won't be best for anyone."

She raised an eyebrow in question.

"He's proposed to her."

"Marriage?"

"What else?"

"Maybe Freddie loves her."

He snorted at that, "He doesn't. He's using her to get to me – he knows those guns are missing, he's figured it's me that's got them and that if he marries my sister I'll give him the pick of them for his fucking revolution."

He thought of the twenty-four machines guns he had laid in the grave they'd dug for Danny, the show grave. And the one he'd stashed.

"I don't suppose you think it's possible that Freddie could love Ada and want the guns - and that the two things aren't interlinked?"

He shot her a look in lieu of a verbal answer.

They were stopped from having the conversation go any further by Lily reappearing in front of them and asking if they'd seen her with the penguins.

"Of course we saw you," Rosie told her, stroking the top of her hair, "Tommy took lots of pictures for you to show everyone."

"Will Jeremy get the pictures back to us before we leave tomorrow?" Lily asked, having become accustomed to her nightly delivery of developed photographs.

"No, we'll be on the train home before they'd be ready. We'll need to get today's and tomorrow's pictures developed at home," he told her.

"How long will that take?"

"I don't know my little love."

She frowned at that but replaced it quickly with a smile as the keeper came over to lead them back out.

"Are you going to say thank you?" Rosie prompted her, which the child did.

"You're very welcome," the keeper told her, then the man looked to Tommy, "Were you a solider?"

He nodded, presuming -

"Me too," the man confirmed, "You wouldn't have known a Lieutenant Colebourn by any chance? Canadian?"

Tommy shook his head, the name didn't ring any bells.

"Ah," the man shook his head, "Didn't think so but worth the ask – his bear is here. Winnie. Left her at the zoo for safekeeping during his time in France, gifted her to the zoo when he made it back, in thanks for how well looked after she was," he turned his eyes back to Lily to tell her, "She's a nice bear, Winnie. You can go in and get your picture taken with her and she'll take honey from spoon from you."

The bear did take honey from a spoon from Lily, and as she delighted herself with feeding her and he snapped away with the camera, Rosie said to him, "Tommy – if Ada marries Freddie, her loyalties will lie with her husband."

He didn't answer her at first, watching Lily feed the bear like it was a child. He wished he could preserve the way she was in this moment, wished he could stop time so he'd never have to face her turning fifteen.

"She won't marry him," he eventually said.

"What makes you so sure?"

"She needs my permission. She's only fifteen, she needs her guardian's permission to get married."

"And you won't give it?"

"She'll need to come home to ask for it, and when she does I'll talk sense into her. Say the baby will be brought up at home, the same as Finn and Lily and it'll have its mother and it'll have plenty of Shelby men around to be its father."

"You think she'll go for that?"

He wasn't sure, if he was honest. But if he had her home his intention was to keep her there – even if he had to lock her in her room and send John out to shoot Freddie Thorne to make it happen. But Rosie wouldn't approve of that plan, so he wasn't going to tell her.

She wanted to think they were in love. Wanted to think Freddie had good intentions towards his sister. He knew better. And when she had another few year's life experience under her belt, she'd know better too and then she'd understand and she'd say he'd done the right thing.

"The bear's very sweet, isn't she?" she said, turning her eyes to Lily and the little black bear.

Little, in comparison to some of the other animals they'd seen that day. She was the height of Lily when they stood side by side.

He appreciated the change in topic. Appreciated that she knew when to let go.

After finishing up with Winnie they headed to see the elephant – and even Rosie seemed to take to the serene, placid animal, standing with Lily to run her hand down its trunk and giving in to his demands that she get her picture taken with Lily standing next to it. One of the very few pictures she'd been in over the week.

The problem was that the stroking of the trunk seemed to remind Lily of Monaghan Boy – and of her own unnamed horse – and for the next while all she asked about was when her new horse would be coming.

Her wheedling didn't end until Rosie crouched in front of her and told her, quietly, "Lily – you've had a smack already today – and you're heading for another one if you don't stop this. You've had lots of lovely new things this week, not to mention the holiday itself, so stop it or I'll take everything down to the parish and tell them to give all your new things to children who have nothing."

The scolding was gently delivered in tone, but it was all it took not only to stop Lily's whining, but also to start another bout of crying.

"Alright, come here, you're alright," Rosie soothed, pulling her to her and rubbing her back, "I know it's been a big week for you and you're tired. You're alright. But I don't want to hear another word about the things you don't have that you want, alright? You've had so much this week and you're such a lucky girl – I want you to appreciate that, not be an entitled little brat."

"Why don't we go for some lunch, eh?" Tommy suggested, squatting down beside Rosie, "Have a rest and have some tea?"

Once Lily had calmed, they did that – and afterwards they made their exit through the gift shop – where Lily got two stuffed animals - a penguin to remind her of her walk (he refrained from asking if she fancied a stuffed goat to remind her of that encounter) and a fluffy black bear to remind her of Winnie, as well as a stuffed elephant for Katie and a jigsaw for Finn.

He offered the things to her, knowing she wouldn't ask in the light of her recent telling off, but as he stood in the queue to pay he watched as the child tugged on Rosie's trouser leg. The redhead listened as the child said something and then hugged her tightly, nodded, and took her hand to go back to the display of the stuffed animals, where they picked out another bear, then a jigsaw and joined the queue.

Tommy frowned as he stood off behind the desk, waiting for them to make their way through, pay for the extra things and join him. It seemed at odds with what Rosie had just said for her to have bought her more things – but the explanation came soon enough.

"These are for the children at the parish," Rosie explained when they came over to him, seeing him eye the bag in her hand, "Lily wanted to get something for the children who don't get trips to the zoo."

He smiled as he turned and led them out – fighting the urge to roll his eyes. He knew Rosie didn't want the child becoming entitled, but once again Lily had proven that her sister's worry was entirely unfounded.

"Where we going now?" the child asked, taking Rosie's hand as they stood at the entrance they had started with.

"I think we'll go back to the hotel so you can have a nap," Rosie replied, glancing at him.

"Don't want a nap," Lily pouted.

Tommy cleared his throat and raised an eyebrow at her, which at least removed the pout from her face, though she insisted, "But I'm not tired!"

"Yes you are," Rosie said firmly, "And we should pack up all these new things too so we're set for getting on the train tomorrow, and I think we need to look at the gifts we've bought for people and have a think about who we haven't got anything for."

The child glanced up at his face and chose not to argue.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"So we have the elephant from the zoo for Katie and she's also got the shoes and the bear from Harrods and Finn has a jigsaw and a car," Rosie said as they sat at dinner that night, Lily with one cloth napkin tucked into the neck of her new blue dress and another laid over her lap, making it look slightly like she'd come to dinner in a bedsheet.

Rosie was wearing the day dress – Tommy had told her the hotel restaurant wouldn't let her in in trousers and as she wanted to pack that night she didn't want to go out for dinner.

"And are these all just London presents or are any of these for Katie's birthday?" Rosie asked.

"London," Lily replied.

"Right, well, we've missed Katie's birthday this week so I thought I'd bake her a cake and we could have a little birthday tea on Sunday for her, so we need to get her an actual birthday gift," Rosie said, nodding to herself as she itemised the to-do list in her head, "I think we should get George and the twins some sweets since we're getting Katie so many things – and something for John for looking after Finn-"

He snorted and cut across her, "I don't know how much looking after John'll have done."

"Still," she replied, shooting him a look, "We should get him something. And I think Aunt Polly deserves a present too."

"And Arthur," Lily chimed in.

"Right so we're just getting a present for everyone then," Tommy sighed, raising his eyes to the ceiling.

"What about Ada?" Lily asked.

"Ada's still sick," he told her quickly, "But if you want to get her something we could give it to Aunt Polly to give to her."

Lily shook her head absentmindedly, "She's not with Aunt Polly."

He felt his blood turn cold, "What do you mean Lily?"

She looked at him, not sensing his tone, "She's not at Aunt Polly's."

"How would you know that?" he asked, narrowing his eyes.

She caught his tone this time and bit her lip.

"Tommy," Rosie said, laying her hand on his knee under the table – but he shot her a look to keep her quiet and moved his eyes back to the child.

"Me and Katie went to play at Aunt Polly's, Ada wasn't there," Lily whispered, looking between him and her sister.

"What do you mean you and Katie went to play at Aunt Polly's? When did you and Katie go to Aunt Polly's?"

She wriggled under his gaze, "After – after the climbing."

He rubbed the bridge of his nose, why had Polly let them in? She knew he hadn't told anyone about Freddie – about Ada going with him. The truth was he'd expected her back before he'd need to tell anyone. And he didn't want to face telling anyone how badly he'd fucked up.

"Did you ask me – or anyone – if you could go to Aunt Polly's with Katie?"

She shook her head, her eyes becoming watery.

"So," he said, keeping his voice low and quiet in the dining room so as not to attract any attention, "Despite the number of times I have told you how important it is that I know where you are, you just toddled off and ignored me to please yourself?"

"But I didn't wander away or go anywhere bad!" Lily replied, her own voice rising, "Katie wanted to go to the cut and I said no I had to stay in Watery Lane and we went to Aunt Polly's instead because I didn't want to get a spanking for wandering!"

"Tommy," Rosie repeated, her voice sharper, "She didn't think she was doing anything wrong."

He pinched the bridge of his nose, hard, shutting his eyes for a second to focus before opening them. He was overreacting, he knew that. He was annoyed because she had done what he'd told her not to do – gone off without letting him know where to find her if he needed to. But his anger was coming from the fact she'd found out that Ada wasn't where he was telling everyone she was – from the fear that she would blab it or Katie would blab it – exactly as she had just done, without thinking. And anger with Polly, that she had let them in when she knew he hadn't told anyone about Ada and Freddie.

"Come here," he motioned Lily to him.

She looked nervously to her sister – and he could feel Rosie's eyes on him, fiery and displeased, but he ignored her and kept his own eyes on Lily's blue ones. She slid slowly off her seat and padded the few steps over to him, whereupon he pulled her onto his lap.

"Let's you and me have a serious talk Lily, eh?" he said, threading his arms around her to hold her tight, "I know you thought you were just going to Aunt Polly's and that that's in Watery Lane, where you're allowed to go, alright? And I'm proud of you for not going to the cut."

Her little face seemed slightly less clouded at that.

He kissed her forehead and continued, "You're my best girl Lily, you know that. But I need you to understand this from my point of view, eh? If I think you're playing out the front and I go out the front looking for you and you're not there I get worried – if you're not where I think you are it doesn't matter if you've just gone to Aunt Polly's because I don't know that – I only know where you're not. You could have been kidnapped, or you could have gone to the cut or you might just be in Aunt Polly's – I don't know, because all I know is that you're not on the lane. Do you understand?"

She nodded.

"Good girl. So I'm proud you didn't wander away and you stayed where you know you're allowed to be, but I still need to know if you're going somewhere that isn't where you've told me or Rosie that we can find you if we need you, alright?"

She nodded again, so he kissed her head and set her back on her feet, "Alright, that's my best girl. Pick up that napkin that's fallen on the floor, your sister'll have you if you spill anything on that new dress, eh?"

Rosie patted his leg under the table, to let him know she was happy with how he had handled it and said to the child, "Never mind me having you, you'll be heart-broken if you spoil that dress, won't you sweetheart?"

He squeezed her knee in return.

"So – we have shopping to do tomorrow then?" he said, moving the conversation on.

"What time's the train again?"

"Four o'clock."

"Alright – well – why don't I go to Harrods and I'll get boxes of sweets for everyone and you two can go to the gallery, then we come back here for lunch before we go for the train?"

He raised an eyebrow, "You'll go to Harrods will you? And we'll go to the gallery? Wouldn't you and Lily be better going to the gallery and I'll do the sweets?"

"Can I go to Harrods again?" Lily asked.

"Don't you want to see the paintings in the gallery? You could take some pictures then try and copy them at home?"

Lily shook her head, "Not really."

"Well there goes my idea of her art interests developing," Rosie said, rolling her eyes.

"I thought you wanted to go to the gallery?" he pushed, still wondering what she was playing at with her sudden volunteering to shop.

"Oh I just wanted to stand where things had happened, I'm not all that into actual art," she replied nonchalantly.

"And you're suddenly into shopping?"

"Well – no – but there was one thing I didn't take that Cecelia showed me that I think I'd like to go back for."

He tried not to let his grin spread across his face, aware that it would annoy her.

"What sort of thing?"

"A dress," she said, her voice clipped and her eyes warning him to stop pushing her.

"You want another dress?" he asked, giving up on restraining his grin, not heeding her warning, "Well that's a turn up for the books. I'll get Jeremy to call Cecelia tonight – what dress is it? I'll tell him to have her package it up for us to pick up."

"It's none of your business is what it is Thomas," she replied primly.

"It's a secret dress, Lily," he said, grinning at the bab.

"It's not a secret, it's just – well – I'm probably wasting my money because god knows when I'll get to wear it, I thought it was a bit much even for London," Rosie said, blushing, looking determinedly at the table and not meeting anyone's eyes, "But you liked the other dress so, you know, maybe the next time we're going somewhere fancy I'll be more prepared and I'll have two dresses to choose between."

She stuffed a piece of chicken in her mouth quickly, so she didn't have to answer any more of his questions.

As always, thank you so much to those of you who read along and interact with my little story.

History wise the day at the zoo was very much inspired by old pictures taken at London Zoo, and Winnie the bear is of course the bear who inspired Winnie the Pooh, which was published in 1926. If you want a look at the pictures I was inspired by or to see the real Winnie being fed honey from a spoon by Christopher Robin I have a post on my trumblr which is findinghisredrighthand dot tumblr dot com /post/632983853960691712/chapter-58-references