Chapter 61

"Why is your hair wet?" Rosie asked when she appeared on the street after her shift in the shop was done, not bothering with the niceties of greeting either of them.

"We went swimming!" Lily answered enthusiastically.

"Just as well I got the stuff for Katie's cake on my lunch, we can get you home and in front of the fire," her sister replied, reaching out the free hand – the one not holding the basket that was obviously filled with the cake ingredients – to feel at Lily's locks, frowning as she did so.

"You should have taken her straight home, I could have walked myself," she told him, her voice and eyes sharp.

"We timed it to finish so that we'd be walking this way home at the time you finished," he answered, inhaling on his cigarette, "Stop your fretting."

"Hmm," was the reply to that, before she addressed the child again, "How was swimming then?"

"Good," she said, "I only swallowed a bit of water, not as much as the day we went to the woods."

The redhead wrinkled her nose, "Is the idea not that you don't swallow any water?"

"Yes, but I need to practise so I can remember to breathe at the right time as well as remembering how to kick."

He had kept a firm hold of her the entire time, figuring if she learned to kick and breathe first of all the arms could come in later.

"Did Finn go with you?"

"No, he was out with 'Siah."

"Just the two of you then?"

"Uhuh. Katie was going to come with us, but she doesn't have any swimming stuff – Tommy said he'd get her some."

"Did you give Katie her presents?"

Lily shook her head, "Not the elephant or the bear or the doll, but we gave her the shoes, so she could try them on."

"Did they fit?"

Lily nodded, "Yes, but she cried a bit and then ran away after we gave her them and Tommy had to get her to calm down."

Rosie glanced to him then said, "Well, as long as she did calm down and she likes the shoes and they fit her that's the main thing."

Lily nodded, "Uhuh. We all went for lunch at the café – me and Katie had ice cream."

"Ice cream for lunch?" Rosie questioned, her voice sharpening again.

He almost got the impression she was looking for an excuse to sharpen her voice.

"She had a sandwich first," he dropped in, hoping to smooth it over – to smooth down the tension he could read in her shoulders.

"At least that's something," she nodded curtly, "We're having fish and vegetables for dinner tonight – try and balance all that rich food we ate in London all week. Could barely do my buttons this morning."

He wondered if that was what was behind the irritable mood she seemed to be in – but she'd been fine that morning making breakfast.

"Alright, suppose a bit of nutrition doesn't do any harm," he said, choosing not to argue with her.

Lily ran ahead of them when they turned into Watery Lane, making her way towards number six, looking over her shoulder to make sure they were following.

"How come you got the day off work to take her swimming?" Rosie asked, not looking at him.

"We'll discuss it later," he replied, blowing a stream of smoke pointedly, "How come you're in such a mood?"

"We'll discuss it later."

"Fair enough," he replied, rolling his eyes a little.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Later, after Finn and Lily were abed and Rosie had bathed, they were in the kitchen as opposed to their usual Saturday night spot on the sofa so that Rosie could bake the cake she had promised Katie.

"I'll do the cake tonight then do the jam and icing in the morning," she told him as she stirred the mixture more vigorously than was probably needed, "So – you going to fill me in on why you weren't at work today?"

He shook his head, leaning back in the chair he'd sat on to watch her work. He'd watched her chop the vegetables for the dinner earlier too – there was something about watching her cook that calmed him, even when she was doing so in an agitated state.

"No, I want your opinion on it - so I'll tell you when I have your full attention," he told her.

"I can multi-task Thomas, I am a woman," she replied with a raised eyebrow.

"Oh, don't I know it," he assured her, "Are you going to explain your womanly mood?"

She sighed and stopped stirring for a minute, as if considering it, before beginning to move the spoon around at speed again, "I asked you first."

He scoffed, "But I can give you my full attention to listen, you're the one baking a cake."

"Thomas!" she snapped, then shut her eyes and opened them again before continuing, "I'm sorry. I don't mean to take it out on you. But I need to tell you about something and I haven't really worked out how to yet."

"Is it something I'll dislike?"

"Yep."

"Then tell me quickly," he advised, "Quicker it's out, quicker it's over."

"Quicker it's out, quicker you lose your temper," she replied darkly.

"Have you ever seen me lose my temper?"

"Well – quicker it's out, quicker you'll go Peaky Blinder about it then."

He raised an eyebrow and frowned at her, curiosity and worry intertwined in him.

"Tommy," she said sighing at his expression, "Please tell me about your day – let me process this as best I can, eh?"

"Alright," he nodded, neutralising his face and keeping his voice as soft as he could in his desperate to know what she thought he was going to 'go Peaky Blinder about', "But I do want your full attention – how much longer will this take?"

"Not long, I need to get it into the tins and in to bake."

"Alright, you do that, I'm going to pour us both a drink since it seems that you might need one and then we'll talk, eh?"

"A drink of what?"

"Whisky for me, gin for you."

She gave him a questioning look and he headed through the green doors to his office, returning with the two bottles.

"You liked the stuff I ordered for you in London, so I bought a bottle," he told her, holding the bottle with the clear liquid aloft for her to take a look at.

"You bought it?"

"I did actually," he replied, raising an eyebrow, and putting them down on the table, "And I've told Scudboat to get on it with intercepting some more."

"That sounds more like you," she said, attempting a smirk.

He appreciated the attempt and smirked back at her as he began to rummage in the cupboards for glasses.

"I can make gin you know," he told her, pouring their drinks.

"I did not know - you're a man of many hidden talents Mr Shelby."

His heart pounded a little. It always did – always had done – when she addressed him as Mr Shelby. It made him think of the day he'd be able to reply to her as Mrs Shelby.

"My father's recipe – about the only useful thing I got from him. Maybe I'll make you some – see what you prefer – Shelby gin or this stuff."

"Judging by my life choices so far I'd say the money's on the Shelby version," she quipped, pouring the mix from the big bowl into two cake tins.

"I like the sound of that."

"Oh, I bet you do," she said, rolling her eyes but smiling a little, crossing to put the tins in and coming back to wipe at the table with a damp cloth, scrubbing at the flour residue.

He told her about his wiping Katie's face with the cleaning cloth and her telling him it was for the table, not for faces.

"Well would you want this on your face?" she asked, holding up the cloth, "It's wiped up the fish that Lily dropped and the flour from the cake, not to mention whatever's been spilled during the day and wiped with it – beer or whisky or tea at best," she wrinkled her nose at it and threw it over by the sink before asking, "So, what was Katie crying for anyway? Did you get to the bottom of it?"

"Aye," he sighed – and told her about Katie's belief that everyone liked Lily more than they liked her.

"John needs to be better at telling those kids that he loves them, he's always there with a laugh and a joke but kids need to know that feelings for them are serious," she replied, shaking her head.

"The kids need a mother is what's needed," he argued, "Men don't talk about their feelings, John wouldn't fucking know where to start."

"They should – especially if they've got kids. You tell Lily you love her."

"Aye, but I'm soft on the baby."

"John should be soft on Katie – on all of them – it's natural."

"He is, in his own way – he just does what he can cope with doing," Tommy told her.

She nodded, "I reckon if John let himself go soft on one thing, for real, he'd collapse."

"I reckon you're right," he sighed, watching her pick up the mixing bowl and spoon and take them over to dump them in the basin.

He did reckon she was right – she was perceptive about people and their feelings.

"You need water?" he asked.

She looked to the pan on the hob and nodded, and he picked it up and took it outside to fill from the pump, bringing it back in to heat for her to wash the dishes.

"Thanks."

"I'm no good at women's stuff," he said, nodding at the cooker, "But I can get you water at least."

She reached over and tugged on his waistcoat then, pulling him to her as she stood at the range, then moved her hands to his face and kissed him. He kissed her back, sliding his own hands down from her waist to her backside, squeezing it, then threading his hands around her thighs and picking her up, carrying her over to sit her on the kitchen table so he could stand and kiss her there. Her legs stayed wrapped around him once he'd placed her down and he kept a hold of them, enjoying the feeling of the backs of her thighs in his hands, squeezing them before stroking his hands back up to wrap around her waist.

"I should get you water more often," he said when they eventually broke apart.

"That wasn't for the water."

"What was that for then?"

"For being soft," she smiled, her hand on his face, her thumb grazing his cheekbone "At least at home. With Finn and Lily – and Ada."

He exhaled through his nose, "You know the worst of it? Polly said the other kids noticed how soft I was on Lily – said I was making the gap between them worse by not treating her the same as them. I thought between time passing and them realising she'd get her backside smacked same as they would that it had fixed itself. It has with Finn at least, thank god. But I didn't realise Katie was wandering around feeling like the whole family preferred Lily to her, even if she was being treated the same. Gotta be a shit feeling for a kid, eh?"

"I reckon it's a shit feeling for anyone."

"There are times," he said, picking his words carefully, "Where I want to hunt your mother down and put a bullet in her – or send Pol to do it. When I think about how your mother treated you – what she said, what she did. How she made you feel. It makes me see red and I want to hurt her worse than she ever hurt you. And then today I realised I've been making Katie feel the same fucking way."

"No, Tommy, you listen to me," she said firmly, "Molly told me she hated me, that I disappointed her, that she regretted ever having me, that I was a bad person, that I should never have been born – you've never said anything like that to Katie."

He shook his head, "Of course I haven't."

"Right – well, kids believe what they're told. It took Lily coming along and Molly turning on her for me to realise what she'd said to me, about me, might be as wrong as it was when she said it about Lily – I never questioned it before then-"

"But she's sensed it, Rosie," he cut across her, "I never said anything of the bloody sort, but she's sensed it."

"No, she's believed what John said when he said Lily was nicer than her at Christmas. And it's wormed its way into her and she's just believed it then she's interpreted everything else in the world with that belief in her. When you hold a belief like that it skews the way you see things, you can't remove that lens of believing whatever it is you do – whether that's that you're unlovable or whether it's that you're loved but loved the least of everyone else because you're the least likeable. That's why John needs to get his head clear of the smoke and mud and learn to use better bloody words – serious words. And if he's not capable maybe the kids do need a mother."

"I don't know what to do about John," he said, shaking his head, "Lizzie gave Katie a skipping rope for her birthday so she's around the kids enough that she's buying them presents, but John says there's nothing in it."

"John is his own man, Tommy."

"I thought you just agreed with me?"

"About them needing a mother?"

He nodded.

"I do. But if he says no to Lizzie he's said no to Lizzie and you can't force him. So the rest of us just need to make sure we look after Katie – after all John's kids – make sure they know they're as much part of the family as anyone else."

"John's the least of my bloody worries just now anyway," he admitted.

She raised an eyebrow in question.

He sighed, pulled a chair over and sat down in front of her, taking her feet onto his lap and running his hands up and down her calves.

"Arthur," he eventually said, releasing one of her legs so he could reach over to the glass of whisky and swig from it before continuing on to tell her about his brother's turn, "He does this every so often since we came back from the war. Smoke and mud in all our heads I suppose. But his ways of coping with it – Lily, the kids, I don't want them around it. That's why I took her away this afternoon."

"Left it for Polly to take care of?"

He nodded.

"She's better to you than you deserve."

He nodded again and looked up to her, a small smile on his lips, "I've got a knack for finding women like that."

She rolled her eyes, but he saw the smile in them anyway.

"I told you – when I get stuck in my head, focussing on Lily gets me through it. Or, it got me through it - I've not been plagued in a while," she smiled down at him for a moment before continuing, more seriously, "But Arthur sits in that office doing nothing all day as far as I can see – you bring the business in, John runs the odds and the men, I do the ledgers, Polly does the accounts and the payroll - Arthur's just there to be a presence. Then he goes home to that house alone. Only other thing he can do is drink, so that's hardly a surprise is it?"

He raised an eyebrow at her, asking what she was saying.

"Get him a focus Tommy."

He shook his head, "He needs a bloody rest. You remember his face from that beating – the day we were meant to go for dinner, you and me? For your birthday?"

She nodded, "To celebrate me being legal now that I'm sixteen."

He rolled his eyes at her before continuing, "He deserves a rest for taking that. And I'm trying to keep him away from that business – haven't told him about the guns and it's better for us all if we keep it that way."

"Well give him something to do Tommy – people need something to do or they end up in their heads and this is obviously where that gets him when it happens. You asked me to help you with life and business and everything – so there's my advice."

He laid his head down on her knees then and sighed – and her hands went automatically to the back of his head, stroking up the back of his neck, running over the shorter hairs.

"What else is going on in there Tommy?"

"Ada," he answered, not looking up from her legs.

She sighed, "I suppose I should have guessed that."

"Katie might tell John she's not at Polly's."

"So you need to tell him before she does?"

He scoffed, "More or less. Though Polly doesn't reckon Katie'll say anything. Moves like the wind that girl, she's probably already forgotten that she even went to Polly's that day."

"You should tell him anyway, Tommy. Make sure he hears it from you," she replied.

He lifted his head to look at her, arching an eyebrow, "What's that meant to mean?"

"You don't want it coming to him from someone else."

"I get the feeling you don't just mean Katie when you say someone else."

She dipped her eyes and sighed lightly before meeting his again, "Look – the fight I got into – before we went to London?"

He nodded. Something moved in the pit of his stomach. He should have pushed it at the time, should have known they'd come back to it – but she had been on the sofa, her feet under his, for the first time in a long time. When he'd touched her face, she'd nuzzled into his hand. He hadn't wanted to jeopardise that.

"People were talking about Ada – saying she wasn't back after the holidays because she was off being a whore."

He stiffened, "Why didn't you tell me before now?"

"I didn't think too much of it Tommy, they're always at it – they pick a girl and call her for everything under the sun then move on to someone else."

He clicked his tongue then pointed out, "You didn't think too much of it, but you punched someone?"

"The ones I hang about with-"

"The boys you hang about with?"

"Uhuh, them. You saw some of them at Ada's birthday. Well, some of them started in on her and then one of them pointed out that I was there and that it wasn't too advisable to call a Shelby a whore when the Shelby whore herself was present."

"The Shelby whore being you?" he clarified, feeling his rage rise.

"The Shelby whore being me," she confirmed.

"I told you," he growled, pushing his chair back and standing up so he could tower over her, his temper flaring, "After that last time when you walked out of school – I told you you were supposed to tell me if any of them talked badly about you."

"And you'd take their tongues? Yeah, I remember Tommy," she replied heatedly, "But they're only boys."

He took a few steps away from her and pinched the bridge of his nose. He knew how she saw it – why she saw it that way, but she didn't understand, she didn't know what he did.

"Boys who don't learn to obey rules turn into men who don't obey rules – especially when they're near working age."

"Let them become working age at least Thomas."

He glared at her and she glared right back at him for a moment before she sighed and softened, "Look, they hadn't said anything to my face in a while. I figured it was being said behind my back, but no one said anything to me."

He gave a sharp, loud exhale.

"Anyway, Tom, I punched the one that said it-"

"Say his name."

"What?"

"You heard me – the one you punched, the one that said it – you tell me his fucking name."

She held his gaze for a while before saying, "Becker."

"That's the one you went out the back after at Ada's birthday?"

She nodded. Fucking idiot, to wind up a woman who'd already bested him before.

"First name?"

"Jacob."

"Right," he nodded, storing it away – he'd send some of the junior boys who hung around them hoping for work and excitement to give the boy his message – delivered to his nose. It occurred to him then to ask, "If you punched him and thought that was it – why did you decide you weren't going back?"

"I figured if I left that maybe their talk would turn to me disappearing, move them off Ada," she replied with a shrug.

He stared at her, then moved back towards her, "You did that for Ada?"

"I don't care about what people say about me – I only care about if it ends up affecting Lily, that people know we live here – but you… you promised me I had nothing to worry about with that. And I trust you, Thomas," she told him, looking up at him, a vulnerability accompanying her words that she didn't often display – and then it disappeared as she went on, "I don't give a damn about their opinions of me. But Ada does. Ada can't stand people talking about her unless it's to admire her."

He was reminded of what Pol had said earlier, she's better married to the baby's father than giving birth to a bastard. She's a Shelby. Everyone will know about it, everyone will have an opinion. You know Ada – she won't cope if she's got people muttering that she's a whore every time her back is turned.

"I'm not the only Shelby with a knack for finding people who give them more than they deserve, eh?" he said softly, moving some of her unruly hair back off her forehead, taking her face in his hands and tilting it so he could kiss the area he'd just cleared.

She closed her eyes and sighed against him.

"What is it?"

"Today," she muttered.

He stayed silent.

"Before we went, the last Saturday I worked, Evans said he'd heard about a fight in the school – I didn't say anything."

He could well imagine her not saying anything, just turning those eyes on the man and silencing his probing.

"I figured he'd heard it from his son – Henry. He's a few years below me and Ada, but above Finn. Must be about thirteen."

He kept his face impassive as she talked, wondering what she was going to say next. It was Evans' son that had told everyone it was him who'd got her the day off work for Ada's birthday, he remembered that from the last time. He remembered going to visit Evans and telling him to make sure he watched his mouth around his son, or the Peaky Blinders protection might just fail one night, his shop might see some damage and no one would be able to help because no one would see a thing.

"But it came up again today – he said he knew I hadn't been back since the fight and Ada hadn't been back since the Easter holidays. Apparently the word on the street is that she's run away from home and gotten herself pregnant and I'm living here and pregnant with your kid. Asked me point blank what was going on and if I'd need to leave to have a baby in a few months, so he could find someone for me to train to replace me."

"Fuck," he breathed, shaking his head.

"I don't know if what's being said about Ada is as made up as what's being said about me, but it's landed close to home Tommy. And I didn't think too much of it at the time last week, I'd have told you then if I had done – I promise I would have – I thought it was just them doing what they do. But that's been nearly two weeks now and it's still getting talked about – and I got the impression that, this time, maybe it wasn't just schoolyard rumours Evans had heard and was asking me about. I mean, for him to ask me about going off to have a baby – he'd have to have heard it from someone he thought would be telling the truth – so maybe someone's seen Ada and Freddie, Tommy, I don't know. But if its got to Evans…"

"It might get back to John or Arthur," he finished, grimly.

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

He'd need to tell John. But Arthur was too fragile at the moment – his elder brother couldn't be told. It wasn't a good idea. Arthur did need the break he'd just told Rosie he needed. Arthur needed to recover and calm down and getting him worked up over Ada wasn't going to help anything. He'd need to tell John and they'd need to pay a visit to Evans, find out where his information was coming from and make sure it didn't go any further.

He pulled his cigarette case out and lit up, inhaling and exhaling a few times as he thought – and she stayed silent as he did so, watching him smoke and think.

"Well, that's you finished working in that shop – for good," he told her eventually.

"Tom-" she started to say, but he cut straight across her, pointing the cigarette at her.

"Don't even try and fight me. It's done."

"Tommy!"

"Rosie – let me make this clear," he said, going to stand right in front of her, their noses practically touching, "There won't be a shop standing there by this time next week for you to go work in – and Evans won't have a tongue to repeat or spread anything, you got it?"

She nodded, but as he relaxed she asked, "And won't you reacting like that prove that there's some truth to what's been said?"

"Ada's pregnant. She won't get rid of it," he told her, "Even if I can get her to come home and drop Freddie, there's only so long I can keep people from knowing about the baby. This isn't about denying or confirming anything, it's about controlling the information spread – because that's all I can do now, is control it. Spread it on my terms. Control the words people use. You said yourself, Ada'll care if she thinks people are calling her a whore."

She nodded again, understanding in her eyes.

"I asked you – the day you came to live here, the day I came to that shop and asked you to come," he reminded her, "If you knew what I did – not the protection or the merchandise, but the other stuff. You said yes. I told you, Rosie, I do bad things. You said you chose me – and you knew who I was when you made your choice."

She nodded, "I did. I do."

"Good," he replied – inhaling, exhaling, watching her face.

She watched his in return and he finished his cigarette, chucking the end in the fire.

She twitched her hands on her lap, as if to reach them to him from where she sat on the table, still where he'd deposited her, and he went back to stand in front of her. She put her hands on his waist and spread her legs, pulling him to her, burying her face in his chest. He wondered if she could hear his heartbeat, wondered if she could sense his wonder that he had just told her – explicitly – what his plans for Evans and his business were and yet she still pulled him to her, still wanted him.

Thank you as always for your reveiws and messages - they make me so happy when I read them!

I've had a few questions about Katie - which has been lovely to get because although she's mentioned by name in the show she's never on screen and I do feel like she's my OC in a way so thank you so much for your interest and comments on her, I'm very attached to the little toerag! For anyone who has missed it, the other story I've written - The Cost Of Having Fun - is from Katie's POV and you can access that on my profile, but I don't have any real plotted ideas for her to have her own story with. She does appear in two off shots I plan to write after this is finished, one of which is told from Lily's POV and the other one which I've plotted out but haven't decided on the execution of yet so that might end up being told from both Lily and Katie's POVs in alternating chapters or something, but if there's anything you want to see written from her POV do let me know, I'm totally open to ideas and requests as long as the plot of my sort of 'main thread' wouldn't be totally derailed by something else I write to fulfil a request (maybe if it would I'd post it on tumblr instead of here?)

I promise there is more Finn coming for those of you asking! When I think about things from Finn's POV he's at that age where he's too grown up and proud to outright ask for his older brother's attention, even if he needs it and even though I see him as idolising Tommy and centring half his games outside on being about 'playing Peaky boys' as we saw in Chapter 18 so he can pretend to be Tommy, he's also at that age where being outside with his friends is more exciting for him than sitting in the front room with his older brother and his partner. From Tommy's POV he knows Finn wants to be with his friends rather than him, so although he realises in chapter 19 that he needs to give Finn more attention, he still thinks the attention he does give Finn is adequate and with Finn not telling him otherwise the whole thing becomes a bit of a circle. Really what's needed is Rosie to push them in the right direction, but considering it from her POV her and Finn had a semblance of a relationship at school where him and his friends idolised her and hers and trailed about after them (see Chapters 3 & 6), so when she goes to school with him on the daily she's not got enough distance to see herself as being 'allowed' to have a relationship with him where she has parental authority to offer input on what he requires in his upbringing (you see that start to shift slightly in chapter 19.) She is about to leave school and properly become a non disputable adult, so that distance will help her and Finn slip into a new dynamic which will give her more insight to him in that 'child' role as opposed to being someone she goes to school with and sees almost closer to an equal. I know I say it all the time but I really did not envision this ever being as long as it has become when I was planning it so I know those of you who are here for that relationship development have been hanging on for ages waiting for it, but I promise it's on the horizon!

Lis - I feel you! There's not been a lot of Tommy x Rosie recently because they have been arguing so there as that distance for a while, but I promise there are some good Tommy x Rosie scenes coming soon!

Misty - I cannot believe you read this beast of a story across 2 days! I am shook, as the kids would say. Thank you for letting my work eat what must have been your entire weekend last weekend, I'm floored that you thought it worthy of that much of your time in such a short space of time!