This story has never been posted before. I wrote this fluffy snippet back in January/February 2019 for a friend's birthday, but didn't post it at the time. I've been going through all of my old fics/ideas and came across this one, so I decided to finally post it.
This little fic takes place in season 20, right before Amanda gives birth to Billie.
It's the quiet weeping that catches Olivia's attention as she exits her office at the end of the workday, eager to get home and enjoy a relaxing weekend with Noah after enduring another stressful week at the precinct. It takes her a few seconds to pinpoint exactly where the heartbreaking sound is coming from, the noise muffled like someone is trying to hide their sobs, Olivia following the soft cries to the break room and letting out a gasp at what she sees.
She is alarmed to find Amanda slumped against the vending machine with her head buried in her hands, the detective's shoulders shaking as a barely audible whimper emits from her mouth. Olivia is by her side in a flash, everything she is holding scattering to the ground as frantic fingers grasp onto Amanda's arms, her gaze zeroing in on the younger woman's protruding belly with trepidation and concern.
"What's wrong, honey? Is it the baby? Are you in pain?"
She watches as Amanda shakes her head but doesn't speak, apparently too choked up to get any words out, Olivia urging her to move her hands so she can get a better look at the crumpled expression and tear-stained face of her subordinate.
"Okay, just take your time," she soothes patiently, guiding Amanda toward a nearby chair and helping the blonde lower herself into a sitting position. "You can talk to me whenever you're ready."
It takes Amanda a few minutes to calm down, Olivia kneeling on the floor beside her and gently rubbing the other woman's knee to help ease her distress, her mind whirling with a multitude of questions and wondering what possibly could have happened for Amanda to be reacting in this uncharacteristic way.
"Do you feel like you can talk now?" she asks softly when the sorrowful cries have dwindled into silence, glancing around the room and hoping no one walks in while they are chatting, and wishing they were having this conversation in the privacy of her office.
Amanda nods slowly in return, her normally pale complexion red and splotchy, Olivia listening as she draws in a shuddering breath before exhaling raggedly.
"Okay, good," she replies with palpable relief, giving Amanda's knee a quick squeeze as her rapid heart rate begins to slow to a more normal pace. "What's going on? Is it Jesse? Or Al?"
Amanda shakes her head again and sniffles loudly as she swipes an arm beneath her nose, one leg jiggling with agitation and a foot tapping out a nervous rhythm against the floor. "No, they're fine. And I'm fine too, Liv. Really, it's nothing."
"Well, it's obviously not nothing if it's got you this upset," Olivia reasons lightly, stroking her hand up and down Amanda's leg in a comforting motion and eyeing her large stomach again, unable to stop worrying about the baby.
"I'm just so embarrassed," Amanda mutters under her breath, Olivia watching closely as those big blue eyes dart away from her own penetrating orbs, like the blonde is trying to hide from her gaze.
"You don't have to be embarrassed," she assures the younger woman gently, ducking her head to try and make eye contact again. "Whatever it is, you can tell me. It'll stay between the two of us, I promise."
"Well..."
Olivia slips an arm around the detective's quivering shoulders, giving her an encouraging nod and hoping she'll continue to speak.
"I, um..." Amanda gives an awkward cough, the blush on her face intensifying noticeably as she attempts to explain the situation. "I wanted a bag of chips from the vending machine but it wouldn't come out. I think the machine is broken or something."
"Okay..." Olivia trails off in confusion as she takes in Amanda's distraught demeanor, still not comprehending what's going on and wondering if she's missing something. "But why are you crying?"
"Well, I was having a really bad craving for something salty."
Olivia stares at her in perplexity for a moment, her brows deeply furrowed as she tries to work things out, watching as Amanda chews on her lower lip while a distinctly guilty and shamed expression overtakes the torment on her delicate features.
"Wait a minute." Olivia pinches the skin between her eyebrows as she begins to understand what's happening, her voice incredulous when it dawns on her. "You're having a meltdown because the vending machine is broken?"
"Well...yeah," Amanda admits sheepishly, and Olivia doesn't think it's possible for the other woman to blush any harder than she already is, her cheeks now a dark, mottled shade of red. "It really upset me, okay?"
"Amanda, you look absolutely devastated," Olivia observes with an arched eyebrow, trying to keep the judgment from her tone as she reminds herself that she doesn't know what it's like to be pregnant, and it's probably much more complicated than she realizes. "I thought somebody died or there was something wrong with the baby. Don't you think you're blowing this a little out of proportion? Maybe you need to put things into perspective here. It's just a snack..."
"Well, that's the problem, Liv," Amanda replies with obvious desperation as she wrings her hands in front of her and Olivia reaches out to cover them with her own. "I can't seem to put anything into perspective right now. Everything is equally heart-wrenching, no matter what it is, no matter how small and insignificant. Yesterday, Frannie's leash got tangled around a tree while I was taking her for a walk and I burst into tears. I can't seem to control my emotions at all. I went from being a strong person who rarely cries to someone who does it all the time, like it's a hobby or something. I didn't even cry when I got shot, for fuck's sake, and now a bag of chips can send me into a serious emotional spiral. These pregnancy hormones are driving me insane!"
"Oh, honey." Olivia's lips are twitching slightly as she listens to Amanda's anguished speech, torn between sympathetic chuckles and pulling the younger woman into her arms for a tender hug.
She ends up doing both, a giggle escaping her lips before she can stop it and trying to smother the sound against Amanda's neck as she rises higher on her knees to envelop the detective into her embrace, their bodies melding into each other as Amanda returns the gesture. Olivia hears the light sniffles right next to her ear when a blond head lays upon her shoulder and she tightens her hold around Amanda's figure as she sways them back and forth, feeling terrible for laughing in the face of her despair.
"I can't really say that I know what you're going through right now, since I've never been pregnant, but I can certainly try my best to help you," Olivia offers softly, smoothing her hand through the silky golden waves of Amanda's hair.
"Help how?" the smaller woman murmurs, a hint of curiosity and hope evident in her voice as they continue to embrace.
"Well, I can start off by trying to get you a bag of chips from that damn vending machine," Olivia replies with authority, leaning back to throw the offending object a withering look and earning an amused snicker from Amanda. "Maybe if it knows I'm the lieutenant, it'll actually behave itself when I go over there."
"I'd love to see you show that machine who's boss, Liv," Amanda responds mirthfully, Olivia delighted to see an elevation in her mood. "But what if it still doesn't work?"
"Well then, we'll move on to the next plan," Olivia says firmly, Amanda pulling away to regard her with an inquisitive frown.
"Which is?"
"Stopping at the nearest grocery store to buy you as many bags of chips as you want, and then picking Jesse up and heading over to my place for the evening," Olivia replies with a smile, her heart swelling with happiness when she sees the grateful grin stretching across Amanda's tear-stained face.
"That sounds like a fantastic plan, Liv," the younger woman answers warmly, Olivia reaching out to catch a stray tear that slips down her cheek. "I'm sorry for bawling all over you like this, especially for such a stupid reason. I appreciate your patience and compassion."
"And I appreciate you being open and honest with me," Olivia responds gently, giving her knee another squeeze. "I want you to know that you can always talk to me about anything, okay? Please feel free to come to me anytime, no matter what's going on or how you're feeling."
"Even when I'm feeling like a chip-obsessed lunatic and ready to tear the vending machine apart with my bare hands just to have access to a salty snack?" Amanda counters in a challenging tone, her eyebrows raised and a grin playing on her lips.
They share a laugh, Olivia sliding her arms around Amanda's waist to help the detective to her feet, glad to see the tears drying on her cheeks and the smile on her face, and looking forward to spending the evening together with their kids.
"Yes, honey, even then."