Author's Note: This is a reupload of a fic I wrote around June 2021. While it feels a bit weird reading it now with how much I've developed my writing skills, it's also pretty nostalgic :3.

His heart began to pound against his bare chest, begging to be let out as he could feel his ears pump with his screaming heart, warming up. His chest tightens as he can't move, attempting to breathe, only for his inhales to come out as short pants.

He couldn't breathe. He couldn't do it.

He held his stomach as it lurched and curled uneasily within him, his vision becoming disfigured, plagued by dark spots. His hands' tingle, pricking numbly when they shook and held his elbows. He trembles.

He had to leave. To get away.

And yet, he remains standing there, as the ringing in his ears jumbled together with the sound of petrified screams, all begging to be spared, to have mercy on them. He wanted them to stop. He didn't know what to say. What to do.

He felt so stranded, so frozen in place. He felt so cold and so hot all at once, the chilling sensation washing over his shaky form.

"I...I'm sorry...I'm sorry…" He muttered under his breath as he took a step back, his guts churning, feeling everything coming to crash down and fall onto him. The screaming, the fields, the flames, it was all too much. He wishes for it to stop.

He did hear the faint sounds of someone gently speaking, calm and gracious. Almost..familiar. He clings onto that voice, being the only thing he can depend on throughout this nightmarish loop.

Yet he couldn't help but cover his ears, trying to block out the yells and cries as he clamps his eyes shut.

Please. Stop.

It all became far too intense to handle until a gentle hand was lightly placed over on his shoulder.

He jolts his eyes back open, and through his dizzy vision did he see a familiar face.

"Jeong Jeong, my dear," The gentle old Prince spoke to his lover. "It is alright. You are safe now."

His voice was soft, warm.

"I...I can't…" Jeong Jeong grabs onto Iroh's hand, using it as a support. "Pl..please...don't leave me.."

Another hand was brought up onto his face, caressing and assuring as it wiped around the ex-admiral's tear-stained cheek. Iroh beams at him, "I would never want to leave you, my dearest." He brings Jeong Jeong's head to him, kissing the top of it.

"Never again shall I'll leave you all by yourself."

Jeong Jeong didn't respond, as before he could even compose a response, he held his stomach, feeling warm bile rise his throat as he turned the other way and threw up the contents.

He chokes up before feeling hot tears sting his eyes. He drops his head, sobbing as he holds his sagged shoulders. He then felt a pair of strong, protective arms wrap around him, small hushes were passed towards him as he felt rubbing circles on his back.

He laid his head into the other firebender, shaking and choked on himself, a mess of snot and tears covered his face. He allows himself to be comforted, feeling the open wounds of the unbearable past before eventually being sewn back up to heal once more.

———

His eyes fluttered open, seeing as he was shielded in darkness, with exception of the sunllight peeking and seeping into the room, hanging from the ceiling. Where was he?

He groans, groggily rubbing his eyes as he then turns over to see Iroh sitting beside him, glancing up to see him awake. A warm beam stretches across his creasing face. "Hello, Lily. Did you sleep well?" He asks.

He sits up while the bushy-haired man slowly rubs his head, responding in a raspy voice, "Mm...I didn't even realize I have fallen asleep...what.." He didn't finish his question as the firebender gradually then remembers, pausing. "...Oh."

Iroh reaches over, laying a hand on Jeong Jeong's, who peers up at his lover. "...You eventually fell asleep, so I brought you back to our room. Zuko gave you the break-off for the time being so you can rest."

The deserter hums, feeling how drained his body was, how the bags under his eyes hung longer, and—good Agni he felt parched.

"Here." He was handed a glass of water, taking it with a nod before bringing it to his lips. He didn't realize how dry his throat felt nor how parched he was until he already finished the whole cup.

Iroh continues to observe his lover, as the other man sighs, "It appears I have experienced a panic attack...specifically, a flashback of sorts." He admitted, rubbing his upper arm.

His partner looked with concern, already aware what his partner was facing as of now. He said no more, getting up and bringing his arms around Jeong Jeong, one around his shoulders and back, the other with his hand gently stroking his head, running his finger through the short strands. The other man leans into Iroh's comforting touch, sighing heavily as the prince rubs comforting circles into his back and hums quietly.

They remain there in touching silence, as Iroh wishes not to press on to what Jeong Jeong had going on in his head, patiently waiting whenever his lover wishes to speak.

It would moments later that the deserter would finally open himself to the other firebender. By then, he made both of them cups of chamomile. He knows that the tea brew would soothe his partner's thoughts. As they quietly sip their teas, he watches Jeong Jeong glance to the side, holding the cup in both hands carefully. He observes patiently as he hears a deep exhale, "...Today was simply not my day."

His boyfriend nods, "Hmm, I believe it must be those pesky officials and councilmen that Zuko told me about." He sips his tea as Jeong Jeong shrugs.

"Well, it may not have been just them…" He adds on, pausing for a moment, sighing, "I...I may have experienced a..sort of...trigger." He clenches the cup to himself, taking small yet slow sips.

Iroh's expression softens, a small frown appears as Jeong Jeong continues explaining, with every pause to collect. "...Earlier today, I have been reminded of a couple of...unpleasant things...those officials only made it more stressful as the day went on. I thought that...some training would have relieved my frustrations.." He bowed his head down, sighing exasperating. There was regret written in his weary expression, questioning how he could have ever let himself do this. How he shouldn't have done that.

He rests his back against the headboard, feeling the tea in his hands run lukewarm. He can sense his buzzing thoughts taunting at him, from the crimes he had committed to the fresh bleeding thoughts of anxiety seep into the old wounds. A heavyweight in his chest appears again, a parasite looming in him and trying to bring him back down to the abyss he calls his memories.

And then he felt a familiar warm touch on both his hands, holding the cup up as he watched steam eventually rise out, the tea now heated up.

"Remember my dear, no matter what happened in the past, we must learn to move forward. We should let go of the pains of the past, and open our arms to the light of peace. And you would not be alone as you proceed on." Iron advises, keeping his hands on Jeong Jeong's. The other man can see the compassion in Iroh's ember browns, soft and caring as always. There was always that twinkle in them, wise yet filled with so much warmth. Sometimes he wishes to just reach forward and curl close to the shorter man, indulging in his comforting holds and little kisses.

Good Agni, he sounds like he's 15 again, he thought as a rosy flush covers his face. Iroh chuckles at the sight of his boyfriend suddenly turning red at their closeness. He brings his lips onto his forehead, pecking him while bringing him closer to him, setting his legs over his lap and an arm around his waist. Jeong Jeong simply rests his head on Iroh's shoulder, a small beam stretching on his lips as his partner runs his fingers through the bushy haired man.

Iroh laughs. "Even after all these years, your hair has decided to remain fluffy. It only makes you look like a little kitty...or as the kids say, a birds nest." He laughs as the other firebender rolls his eyes, huffing.

Iroh knew how in spite of what Jeong Jeong says about the Gaang, he knew that he cared for them as much as he did.

"Do you remember that time when Avatar Aang took you to see the Sun Warriors? That shocked expression on your face upon seeing the dragons was a hysterical sight." He snickers, rubbing the other man's knee.

Of course he does, he remembered that day like no other. And no, it wasn't because of the immense shock he had, but it was also the day in which his eyes and mind was opened up to the truth about fire, and that all along, he may not have truly understood what he thought. He remembered from that day on after meeting the dragons, he wished to do more than thank Avatar Aang for helping him. To bring on his journey to recovery.

Iroh then perked up at another thought, "And I also remember the time I came by the gardens and you and Zuko were laying by the pond?"

"We were simply attempting a new breathing technique."

"Ah, so you count 'brooding and sulking with the turtle ducks' as a type of technique now?"

"Absolutely—if it means getting the Firelord away from his desk, then you should thank me."

Iroh gave a wholehearted laugh, giving his lover another kiss on the cheek, only then being caught by a pair of warm lips on his. Jeong Jeong gives a light smirk as Iroh yelps in surprise before returning. Ever since the deserter and him began this relationship, there were some issues they needed to fix up and figure out. He did not blame him when Jeong Jeong remained disclosed to speak about how he felt nor what's on his mind, as he understood he needed time to heal, one moment at a time. But now…

His train of thought was interrupted when his lily climbed on top of him, then kissing all over his face causing him to knock them both over onto the sheets. Jeong Jeong continued to attack him with little kisses as Iroh let out a booming laugh, wrapping his arms around his intimate lover. They remained there, comfortably cuddled close to each other as they would snicker and kiss each other like lovesick teens living the best they can.

The fuzzy warmth within their hearts and stomachs fluttered, feeling their loving warmth for one another. Iroh peers down at his Lily, seeing him now peacefully snoozing away on his chest.

"That's my wonderful Jeong Jeong…" He lazily mutters before his eyes slowly closing shut, letting sleep claim him while close to his lover.