Hello everyone, this is a little story of how Emily should have entered as Hotch suffered when Cyrus hit her in episode 4x02. I hope you like it. Thanks for reading!
Your eyes on me - Oneshot
Pov – Aaron Hotchner
That night all eyes were on me, pending my decisions and my actions, but the reality was that at that precise moment I was not interested in my surroundings, since my eyes were only on her, as soon as she appeared within my field of vision my whole body shuddered to see her so wounded. My pupils dilated when I saw her coming out of the church after the explosion, my gaze remained stoic, but inside my will was on my knees and I just wanted to run to hug her, but I didn't, I just stood a few meters behind her.
I analyzed everything about her in milliseconds, her bruised face, her blood stained shirt that gave an account of what she had had to endure.
"I can take it" I remembered she had said, the problem here was that the one who couldn't do it was me, but that's what I had to do, endure every blow, every moan of pain that Emily emitted. I understood perfectly the reason for her decision, but mentally I had jumped that fence a thousand times to interrupt that beating and just get her out of that place.
Rossi was in charge for a reason, a very good one, he knew that I could not be objective, but he also knew very well the relationship I had with her, he heard the discussion before going to the separatist ranch where I asked him not to expose himself too much, not to think that she was the only one there. Now he inevitably had to think about our family, but as always his much loved but hated foolishness did not allow him to see beyond the case. Nor could I judge her since it was I who was involved in risky situation months ago.
I was a mere spectator at her reunion with Reid, I had gone through days of stress that would probably leave marks on them, but what about me?
They both hugged, but that night I would have wanted to be the one to protect her, but it wasn't like that, everything just happened and we went home again, with a solved case, minimal losses and some pending revelations for the future.
They landed at Quantico hours later, each took their places at their desks to start with the paperwork despite being exhausted, Hotch just passed by Emily and she gave him a sidelong glance, a mini analysis. During the trip he had not approached her, he had kept a safe distance and she attributed it to the discussion prior to leaving for the ranch.
She centered her mind in the files, she would talk to him later, by now she had to assimilate that these things happened. They had promised that the emotional would not get in the way of the work. A female voice quickly brought her out of her thoughts.
- Have you talked to Hotch? - her friend, JJ, asked with some concern. Their relationship was public knowledge, it was not secret and had gone through all the necessary protocols to make it official.
- No, not yet - she answered without further ado, without taking her eyes off the files. The other agent moved the folders out of her field of vision.
- Well, you should, Emily - she ordered and another voice joined the conversation.
- Why haven't you done it yet? - the genius asked curiously, standing just behind JJ somewhat nervously. He felt guilty for what his friend had suffered.
- What is this ambush? - the brunette was starting to get annoyed, she didn't like it when they meddled in her personal matters.
- Emily, you can pretend, but you can't avoid the emotions that others go through as if it doesn't matter. Just because you say it's work - reproached her friend, she understood her decision, but she should know how Hotch had spent it outside, that it hadn't been easy. The brunette looked at her shocked by everything she was hearing.
- He's right Em - Spencer made a minimal remark.
- But... What? And how can you know Reid, were you there with me? - I asked curiously.
- Good point, they told me something. Didn't you see his face when you came out of the rubble? You should have gone to him - insisted the younger one.
Emily didn't understand what the reproaches were about, she didn't know what had happened outside and she hadn't inquired or talked to Hotch about it either.
- He gave me command of the situation, Emily. He didn't want to make any decision about it or even go in for you in the operation - Dave informed her more clearly - You know better than anyone what it's like for Aaron to delegate the command, but with you inside he couldn't be objective, he collapsed when you took the beating from Cyrus - he explained trying to make him see the point of view of the rest of his friends.
- Princess, we all freaked out in there, but Hotch, he really had a hard time. If it had been up to him, there wouldn't have been a minimal loss scenario as we planned - Morgan commented from his desk - I swear on my life he was about to collapse, jump the fence and get you out of there at any cost - and he looked away from Hotch's office where he was sitting there analyzing files.
- I feel like this is being a bit over the top - Emily replied shaking her head from side to side in denial.
- Did you think about Jack? - JJ asked - How would we explain things to him?
- Well no, I was just thinking about Reid and me," she replied with obviousness.
- And I appreciate that, but you have a family - the young man replied shyly - I won't always be the one to protect and you are very independent, we know that - but you must think of him too, Emilie.
- But you must think of him too, Em - JJ interrupted him, putting a hand on his shoulder to reassure him.
- And Jack, that boy adores you - assured Derek - He really has a hard time, we never saw him lose himself like that –
It was true, many times the team members had found themselves in risky situations that put them in the front line of fire, but on none of those occasions had the Unit Leader relinquished command or lost control. That surprised him in part but it was also true that their relationship clouded his judgment to some extent, but he couldn't imagine at what level.
- Have you resigned your command? - she asked, surprised and backing out of the conversation.
- Yes, he handed it over to me, who was the negotiator all the time," Rossi replied. And he yelled at a lawyer in a very Hotchner way," I added by way of comment.
- I wish I could have seen it! - Morgan added, imagining it.
- Let's not get sidetracked, Derek," JJ reprimanded and he merely apologized, raising both hands in the air in a sign of peace. Emily smiled sideways, her friend was quite bossy when she had to be.
- I get the point, maybe they're right - conceded the agent.
- Maybe not, we do," Rossi corrected, "We always do.
- Don't push it, Dave - retorted Emily - you're his wife at work and I'm at home, guess who he'll listen to if I ask for more paperwork for you? - he challenged mockingly
- Prentiss, you're evil personified but no doubt you're pretty that's why he listens to you - mocked the older agent.
- We're not getting sidetracked again, focus again - JJ said again.
- We just think you should talk to him and besides validating your emotions, do the same with his - she asked - take into account his feelings, even more so when they argued before you left - she asked peacefully and the rest nodded, she watched them. She heard footsteps behind her approaching at an incalculable speed.
- Wait a minute, it must be... - and she didn't finish the sentence when a blond boy with a bright smile that reminded her of someone she loved rushed at her and hugged her, she tried to hide the pain caused by the impact, although for Jack it went unnoticed, it was not so for the team. She happily reciprocated and kissed his forehead -Jack! - she called out to him in surprise, thank goodness she was sitting down or he would have knocked her off her feet. The team laughed and behind them came PG running after the little guy.
- This cupcake made me run all over the FBI just to look for you, Emily - mentioned the analyst, that added one more point to the previous chatter and everyone looked at her.
- I get it, I get it! - she gave up, the rest smiled, but Penelope didn't understand what they were referring to - Jack, little one, do you think if we say hello to daddy and then you come here with the team -.
- Yessssss! - he answered excitedly - I've missed you so much - and for a second he analyzed her with his eyes, frowning as his father did when he knew something was wrong, but she was too stubborn to admit it. The little boy noticed some bumps that weren't there when he left the house a few days ago - Did you fall, Emmy? - her son asked worriedly and looked for help among his classmates.
- Jack, mommy tripped on a mission with a bad guy, but everything is fine - JJ explained patiently. Her friend thanked her with her eyes.
Internally the pieces were beginning to fit together inside Emily, not that she had much to analyze to understand, but she was so reluctant to be protected, cared for that she found it hard to understand, at times, Hotch's reactions. But if it wasn't enough to worry one Hotchner, now there were two and she couldn't allow that.
He took the child in his arms, despite the pain he felt, and placed him on his right side. Jack settled in and subtly wrapped his arms around her neck, Emily always conveyed peace and tranquility. Derek offered to carry him for her to the door of Hotch's office, but she gently declined. The rest moved back to their places, giving the family space.
Emily knocked on the door only giving notice that she was coming in, not that they needed to ask permission.
- This naughty little guy here has come to see us - informed Emily in a soft tone of voice, bringing Aaron out of his thoughts. When he looked up, he saw his wife in a white shirt, black leggings and other boots, her hair was combed but the bumps were more accentuated on her face. And off to the side he saw Jack, his two people in the world together and safe.
- Hi dad! - his son greeted him and then uttered an almost inaudible "Em" in greeting. The boy got off his mother's hip to run to his lap, she sat in the empty chair across from him and watched them laugh, chat and tell each other a lot of trivial things for Aaron, but important to Jack.
- How have you been behaving these days? -said his father.
-Always good, Dad - he answered proudly and confidently, causing his elders to laugh, knowing that he had done something naughty - We have to take care of Mom - he added worriedly, pointing at her.
- We will do it, buddy - Aaron assured her and looked into her eyes intensely. Again his eyes were on her, from where he never wanted to take them out - Mom and I have to talk about work, go with Uncle Dave -
- Uncle Dave talks about a lot of boring things, Dad. I'd rather go with Uncle Derek - the boy asked - it's more fun and Aunt Penelope lets us play on her consoles because she says it's the best way for us not to bother Uncle Spencer - he confessed as he got off his father's lap, waved to both of them and ran out of the office closing the door behind him.
- He has a good point - Emily said and Aaron smiled at her - Can we talk? -
- We always can, Emily - he replied coldly but confidently.
- Are you angry with me? - wondered if that was the right question with which to start the conversation.
He looked up after a few seconds, searching her eyes for answers.
- I read your medical report, more than angry, I'm worried Em - he replied getting up from his place and sitting on the other empty chair in front of her -.
- I'm fine, Aaron - assured him, but he was lying.
- That's the problem with you, you're always fine, you can always handle everything - he reproached without lowering his gaze - Do you even know what happened these days? - I ask him, his gaze softened, memories swirled in his mind, his pupils dilated again and his dark orbs crystallized. It broke Emily internally, she read him so well, they profiled each other so well. They shouldn't, but it was unavoidable at times.
- Something - she could only answer her and took her hand.
- I lost control, Em - assured him - Of me, of my emotions, of the case. Rossi directed it, I could not be objective - he confessed and hid his face in his hands. She knew it was too much for the stoic, strict and firm Unit Chief.
- I know you know what this job entails, but I didn't think it would cause you to -
- Of course I know, but if it's you or Jack, everything becomes confusing - he confessed and she sought his embrace - I couldn't see anything else but you, I wanted to run to hug you but I paralyzed, when something touches my world so closely, there is no agent. There is only my true personality, to which only you and my son have access - Emily broke away to look into his eyes and find in them a part of everything she had lived.
Both he and she had suffered those days, from different places and in their own way. Both sufferings, although not avoidable, had marked them a little more. That job had that, it took or left something in return.
- Forgive me for invalidating what you felt, I was afraid all the time - I confessed holding her hand - I didn't read my medical report, what does it say? - I asked him and lowered his gaze.
- Em, look at me - he asked her, something fascinating about them was their way of communicating everything through their eyes, they always tried to be talking and keep eye contact if it was a matter of utmost importance - Despite some rib cracks without major complications, internally they didn't find anything. But she is fine - and Emily smiled and rushed to him, who put his arms around her and hid her face in his neck, feeling the perfume that her hair emanated and that she thought she would never feel again.
Emily was entering 4 months pregnant, no one had been informed yet. Neither the agency nor the team, let alone Jack. In principle that had been the reason for their discussion, she should no longer expose herself to such work, but it was also true that sometimes it was difficult to predict when something would get out of control.
- Our daughter is fine - she affirmed and he nodded. She knew the dangers she was exposed to, but part of her life was that and it was hard for her to leave a part of it that had meant so much, but on the other hand what was coming also excited her significantly - I will try to accept less field work, just give me time, I want this thing we have as much as you do - she confessed firmly and kissed him, he reciprocated sweetly.
- I love you, Em -
- I lov ... - the brunette agent was about to answer when the office door opened and Jack walked right in to his parents with a bright smile and interrupting the moment.
- I love you too, Emmy," Jack joined in, climbing into her lap.
- I don't think we'll let him hang out with Dave anymore - confessed Hotch, covering his face with one hand and laughing.
- He acquires the habits of this team very well, you have to see him convince people - and Hotch thought for a second.
- Garcia! - said both parents in unison and this caused the little boy to laugh.
- I love you guys too - finished the brunette's answer, Jack carefully settled on Emily's right side while Aaron gathered a couple of files to leave the UAC. - We'll take care of our family - the brunette affirmed as Hotch nodded and kissed her sweetly on the forehead and ruffled his son's hair.
Closing his office, Aaron moved Jack into his arms and he gently and carefully wrapped his free arm around Emily's waist.
The team watched from Rossi's office the whole scene, it was a nice family and they were curious, but part of that family. Now they not only had to think for 3, now they were 4. Now they should get over this event, take care of each other and as a lesson not to disregard each other's feelings.
- A new Hotchner? - hinted Rossi as he watched them retire.
- How well you've trained him, JJ," said Derek, "But Emily will kill us if she finds out.
- And Aaron? He'll have us doing paperwork for years - added the genie in a panic.
- It won't happen, children, when they tell us we'll pretend - PG answered, calming them down.
- Aha, the best profilers are going to be lied to - Rossi wasn't helping with his comments.
And everyone looked at each other in panic.
Outside Aaron had seated Jack in the back of the car and fastened the seat belt while Emily took his place in the front seat and mimicked the same action.
- Do you think we should tell him we already know? - Hotch asked curiously as he closed the car door.
- No, let's enjoy watching them in chaos for a while longer - smiled the brunette.
- How good you turned out to be at teaching Jack about spying, honey, but I don't think we want to make it a future practice - he hinted, causing his wife and son to smile.
- It won't be, don't worry - she said, placing her hand over his and winking in the rearview mirror at her child.
- I saw you - Hotch accused
It was true, nothing escaped the pair's hands. He had known for a long time that they knew his secret, but they would leave them in suspense for a while longer to enjoy the privacy of the news. Now they had to count by four, now the cases were all personal, now his family was what mattered and knowing how Hotch had gone through it gave him another perspective as well as thinking about how Jack would have gone through it.