Disclaimer: Anything that rings a bell belongs to J.K Rowling

Chapter Eleven: Safe Words

27th August 2005

Hermione's POV

I pulled the drapes back, letting the morning sunlight in and I heard the familiar groan of annoyance, I was an expert on rousing a sleeping Ky, and it would seem seven years didn't change a thing.

I bit my lip, stopping the smile from crawling onto my face at her antics as she shoved a scatter cushion over her eyes, half her body on the floor, she never was a calm sleeper. My brows furrowed as it landed on her pyjama bottoms… that was Harry's favourite pair.

I bumped into a very sleepy Harry who let me in as he left for work, urging me to try and not wake her because they had gone to bed late. I sighed, refraining from imagining what would have Ky in Harry's clothes and both of them sleep deprived… though at least she had slept on the couch, that was a good sign. Anyway, Harry would never cheat on Ginny, they probably just stayed up talking…

Her light sensitivity clearly wasn't doing the trick, so I conjured a feather, flicking her nose with it. She sniffed, once, twice and then she let out a mighty sneeze, her grey orbs greeting the world once again, her familiar glare falling on me.

"I see you still fight dirty." She grumbled, straightening up on the sofa.

"Clearly not as dirty as you, Miss Fake My Death and Lie to My Friends."

She yawned, "And here I thought Kyrianna Ariana Kendra Dumbledore was a mouthful."

"Oh, is that why you chose to change your name to Rose Williams. Too lazy to spell all that out?" I cocked a brow, leaning against Harry's kitchen counter.

"That and how common it is."

"Ah, of course, I forget, you were trying to hide. From us." I was proud of the bite in my bark just there.

She stood, stretching, "Do you mind if I go pee? You can continue your verbal flagellation of course."

I glared at her, following her into Harry's room, noticing that his bed was meticulously made, the corners tucked in a manner that was a Dobby trademark. The house elf had his own cleaning business, and Ron and I employed him once a week as well, but I knew he visited Harry on Thursdays'. Has Harry not slept in here for two nights? Well that's not a good sign, if he didn't sleep in his bed last night, where did he sleep? The night before he did say he had been working late, and it wouldn't be the first time he skipped a night's rest for the job.

"Well, do you think it unjustified?" She didn't bother with closing the bathroom door, and I leaned against the doorframe. We had shared a dorm for three years, and it would seem old habits died hard, and even if Ky from last night was standoffish, this just woken from sleep Ky clearly felt comfortable with me, and annoyingly, I with her.

She shrugged, flushing the toilet and washing her hands, "I didn't say that. I just hoped that you'd at least be in a sexy latex number when you enacted your punishment. If I recall correctly, you were quite good with a whip."

I glared at her as she began brushing her teeth, affronted, "Firstly, that was a flogger, not a whip, secondly, that was one time, and thirdly…" I could feel my face flush pink, "I wasn't the one…doing the…punishing."

Godric, I loved and hated that she knew every sordid detail of my life. I had never told anybody about Teddy and my adventures into BDSM, for quite obvious reasons, one didn't talk about a man who killed your best friend unless to rue the day he was born. And I didn't trust anybody else to know that about me…I didn't even tell Ron…Merlin she even knew what Teddy and my safe word was.

I trusted Ky with secrets that made me feel confused and ashamed, shared every intimate detail of my life…how did she not reciprocate?

Did I really get it so wrong!

"Ah yeah." She mumbled as she finished brushing her teeth, "You know I read an interesting book about personality and sexuality, how there's often an inverse relationship between dominance in the boardroom, and the bedroom."

She spat and rinsed her mouth and I straightened off the frame, her statement distracting me from my rightful anger, "Was it by Charlotte Peakes?" She nodded, "Do you know I met her! She and my mum went to nursery school together."

Ky raised her brows, "Good old Jean having the best mates. So, what is she like?" She began washing her face and I shrugged.

"She looks more school run than key party, but she's brilliant. She's working on a new book about how motherhood affects female gratification. It's all about how after giving birth a woman's body stops feeling like it belongs to her, and how to reclaim it." I held a towel out for her to dry her face. "I mean, I'll read it even if I'm not sure it will be any use to me. Ever."

I hadn't spoken my hesitancy about wanting children aloud before with anybody but Ron, and watched her now dry face as she took in my words.

"That confident in Ron pressing all the right buttons, huh?" She teased, and I rolled my eyes, a bit disappointed that she didn't acknowledge what felt like a big secret that I just let out. "Look, not that you want, or need, my two cents, I think you've always had incredible instincts about people, and things. If your gut is telling you that you're unsure right now about whether motherhood is in your future, then trust that. I know that you know you'll make the best mum in the world, so I'm guessing your ambivalence isn't about that. I figure it's not that you're hesitant about the self sacrifice, you're the least selfish person I know. There are lots of different ways to care about people, to build a family, to contribute to soc-"

She stopped as I engulfed her in a hug.

This.

This was why I missed her, why I needed her.

How after seven years did she still get me! How did she make me tell her my deepest fears with just one minute of conversation.

I felt her hands wrap around my waist, as my tears mingled in her dark mane. I told myself that I was going to have my say, I was going to tell her just how selfish she was by leaving, by telling her how much she hurt me, that I wasn't going to let her off the hook easily, that her feminine wiles wouldn't work on me…that I could never forgive her for all the heartbreak.

But the truth was, in no part of Ky's story yesterday, did Theodore act against his will. He had made every decision knowing that it took him further away from me, and I couldn't hate Ky for that.

And I really wanted an excuse to hate her. Her death at the hands of the man I loved broke some fundamental part of me, and it was difficult to trust anybody for a long time. The early days of mine and Ron's relationship was tumultuous, I was indecisive and selfish, and a sane man would have left, but he was patient and kind, just like he had been with Ky last night.

She had caused all that strife.

I should hate her.

I cleared my throat and detached myself from her, her grey eyes glittering at me, her hands still around my back. We stood in silence for a few moments, just taking in each other. Her hair looked more like it used to now, untamed dark tendrils half way down her back, the bronze highlights brighter somehow, her cheekbones were more defined, and her face seemed a bit paler.

"What happened here?" She whispered, touching the corner of my chin. I had the tiniest scar there, from the final battle at Hogwarts.

"Rookwood." I mumbled, remembering the spell the dark wizard hit me with. I swallowed, my body growing cold as the memories resurfaced. Last night had been hard, re-living the night that Ky died brought back so much of the physical pain of the war. I shook my head, clearing my mind, taking a deep breath, remembering why I was here in the first place, "Run."

She cocked a brow, and I pointed my wand at her, charming on the appropriate gear for her, and turning her hair red, "Run. Come on! Last one outside has to butter toast for the next week." I teased our old bet from school days, jogging out the door.

She caught up quickly. I had already told Roger and Sarah, who were the aurors on duty, my plan to go for a morning jog with Ky, and they said they would follow disillusioned behind us.

I was glad to see the large smile on her face. Ky loved to run, and back in school I was her hesitant companion, but ever since moving to London it had become a hobby of mine. Harry and Ron weren't fans, much preferring to keep fit playing quidditch, and Ginny spent most of her week training, so she didn't particularly fancy doing anything tiring it in her rest time, but in the end I appreciated the solitude of the activity.

We made our way out of Diagon Alley, which was thankfully quiet since the shops weren't open yet, we didn't want it to be common knowledge that Ky was back, and hopefully with her red hair people would just think she was Ginny from afar. We made it onto Charing Cross road which was far busier, but Ky didn't have much trouble navigating the London foot traffic, perhaps something she was familiar with in New York.

After about an hour, the stress and anxiety of the last twenty four hours finally fled my system, and I panted, slowing to a stop in a quiet part near Westminster Pier.

"Granger the Danger has some new tricks up her sleeve!" Ky panted, jumping onto the the short wall alongside the river, "10k under an hour, that's pretty fucking good."

I jumped on the wall across from her, taking a swig from my water bottle, and then passing it to her, "Mum and I have been training for the London marathon. She retired from dentistry after Australia, and has about fifteen different hobbies going at any given time."

She smiled, "Good old Jean. How does your father keep up?"

"He doesn't, but he knew what he was getting into when he married her. Speaking of which," I glanced at her as she took in the London Eye across the water, "I know Ron invited you to the wedding last night-"

"Oh, don't worry. I know you probably have some very detailed seating plan that's been arranged for about a year, and I don't expect to just waltz back in and-"

"I want you there." I stared at her, "I mean, I'm angry. And, hurt. And confused. And," I sighed, letting out a small laugh, "Gobsmacked. And," My eyes brimmed with tears so quickly, but I didn't let them fall, I needed to stop crying every five seconds, "Happy. Really happy that you're not dead, Ky."

She continued staring across the river, her body held so still, she looked like a statue. After a few moments, she turned to me, "I am too. Really happy." She took a deep calming breath, trying to regain composure, "Thank you."

"For?"

"Being the bigger person. You have every right to want nothing to do with me."

I nodded, "That thought did cross my mind, but then, I'd just be punishing myself at the end of the day. And Ron made some pretty good points last night."

She nodded, her face turning contemplative, "Yeah, when did he become Mr Empathetic? Not that I didn't appreciate it, I just, didn't expect it."

A sad smile bloomed on my lips, "After Fred died, Ron really stepped up with the girls, Gina and Vina. George was there of course, but he was really struggling, it took him years to…be functional again, so Ron practically ran the shop for a few years as well. Harry and I were…not in a good place either, dealing with you being gone, and well, Theodore's betrayal…I guess, when all the people closest to you are falling apart, you adapt. You become the shoulder they all need. And so that's what he became."

"Is that how you fell in love with him?"

I laughed, "I've always loved Ron, I guess the romantic edge blossomed again around then. You know he and Lavender called it quits at the start of the Horcrux hunt, and I don't know if you know, but we lost her in the final battle." I remained quiet for a moment or two, missing the feisty blonde. "And well at first, Ron and I took a page out of the Harry/Ky dating manual and started off purely physical, Godric knows why we thought that would work."

She smirked, "Oh I doubt you two were doing much thinking."

I grinned, "Sometimes I miss it. Everything was so simple back then, just two bodies that just wanted to eek out whatever pleasure they could from each other. Now it feels like every time we talk it's about the wedding."

"Well, you can go back to just shagging each other senseless at the honeymoon. So I've heard."

I laughed, "It's not just the sex." I shrugged, "I don't know. I just felt like I was one space away from a finished Rubik's cube this whole time. In a weird way, the drama of yesterday reminded me of why I fell in love with Ron in the first place, his understanding and dependability. I also could lay to rest a lot of the questions I felt guilty about even entertaining with regards to Theodore. It never made sense to me, him, hurting you."

"And now that you do know that he is innocent…" She whispered, not wanting to complete her question out loud.

I shrugged, "He isn't exactly here, pleading his case."

Her face grew wary, and I could see her construction workers at play, erecting walls that familiarity and exhaustion had brought down. "It's not that simple. You know how close he was to Vez, that he felt he owed him his life. Teddy made a promise to Vez before he died that he would keep me safe. I never forced him to stay with me in the beginning, but I also didn't make it easy for him to leave."

I thought back to when we were hunting horcruxes, when Harry and Ron had that awful fight and Ron had left. My feelings for Ron grew complicated then, distanced from Theodore, comforted by Ron in what I then thought was my most vulnerable period…I had wanted to follow him, but knew that Harry needed me more. Could I really blame Theodore for making the same pragmatic decisions for staying with Ky, when he felt she needed him more?

Perhaps I could have forgiven the first months of lies…but seven years of it…

"Hermione." My name felt like a knife, she was creating distance between us by using it, rather than her usual nickname for me, but, this wasn't the worst cut Ky had dealt me, so I met her steady gaze, "Do you want to marry Ron?"

"Yes." I answered quickly, "He asked me the same thing last night. Worried that all of this changed everything, knowing that Theodore was innocent, that, he was even an unsung hero in the war. The truth is," I sighed, "Even before we thought Theodore killed you, my feelings towards him began changing. I know we had to have distance, because of the roles we played, and I don't blame you for not telling me you were in contact with him during the hunt for Horcruxes, I suspect that was upon his urging?" She nodded, "And that's precisely why, whatever I feel about him… doesn't matter. I couldn't be with someone who doesn't see me as a partner that he can share his burdens with."

She was silent for moments, reflecting on my words, "Mi." Her eyes filled with tears suddenly, and she looked more emotional than I've seen her since her return, "He does love you."

"I know Ky, I was there." No matter how fleeting our relationship was, Theodore had been clear with his affection. And I knew part of the reason he had done what he did to help our side, had to do with his feelings for me, which is precisely why I couldn't be with him.

If he thought making decisions without confiding in me was something that I would want…he may love me, but he didn't understand me.

And you can't be happy with someone who doesn't understand you.

It's precisely the opposite reason why Ron and I worked. Yes, our love may not be crazy and intense and physical, but it was soft, and comforting, and knowing.

I watched as the tears fell from her eyes, and I was surprised that this would be the thing that broke her. "You don't have to feel guilty. However difficult the circumstances were, he made his decision. And, I've made mine."

She swallowed, shaking her head, looking down at the murky depths of the Thames. We sat in silence for what felt like hours, the street nearby becoming busier. It was a Saturday in a bank holiday weekend, and London was fully awake now.

"Mi?" I smiled, glad I was firmly back to Mi again.

"Yeah?"

"Was that your wedding dress yesterday? Like, did I interrupt you trying it on, or something?"

I raised my brows, not expecting that change of topic, "No, it was the rehearsal dinner last night, so it's just one of the dresses for the weekend. My mum's gone a bit…overzealous about this wedding." I noticed a relieved look cross her face, "Why do you ask?"

She shrugged, "Just curious." My eyes narrowed at her and she rolled her own, "It just didn't feel very you. So I was just checking. Not that I have any say in this-"

"What don't you like about it?"

"I didn't say I didn't like it, I said it just didn't feel very you. I'm sure your actual dress is going to be perfect. But what do I know about anything. Fuck, I shouldn't have said anything. I'm exhausted and clearly have no…T A C T." She spelled it out and I laughed.

"You still hate saying tact!"

She grimaced at my words, "It feels like nails in my mouth. Anyway, ignore me."

I jumped off the wall decisively, Ky's words inspiring action, and reached out for her.

She cocked a brow, "Am I about to be pushed into the Thames for insulting the bride?"

I laughed, "We're going to my parents." I announced aloud, knowing Sarah and Roger knew where that was. I glanced about, we were nicely hidden behind a large tree. I pulled Ky forward, apparating her to the front garden of my parents house.

She'd visited a few times back in our Hogwarts days, and I never told her how much I appreciated that. Ron and Harry never came over to mine back then, which I guess made sense, the Burrow feeling more relatable and safer than my muggle family's house. However, after finding my parents in Australia, reinstating their memories, and moving them back to England, I promised myself that I'll stop giving them the short end of the stick. Which is why we were having our wedding in muggle London, rather than at the Burrow, even if it upset Mrs Weasley.

"Vez did a good job on the house." Ky glanced at my family home, which was a neat brick house in Heathgate, London. It had been burnt down by death eaters back in '96, but Silvestre Sabre helped magically rebuild an almost perfect replica of it.

I walked in, holding the door open for her, "Well, mum's renovated the kitchen about three times in the past five years. Godric knows why, she doesn't know how to cook."

"Excuse me, just because I don't expend my energy on cooking does not mean I lack the culinary skills required for it. I happen to be a splendid chef. You know I went on a date with Gordon Ramsay when I was seventeen! Oh! Ky!" Mum had walked into the kitchen, busy with clasping her earrings on when she spotted us, she ran forward, pulling Ky into a mighty hug, "Oh! John and I wanted to wait to see you last night but it was getting frightfully late, and he is utterly useless without a good eight hours of sleep, and this is such an important weekend. My my, death becomes you young lady!"

I shook my head, pouring some orange juice while my mother gave Ky a spin, taking her in from newly redhead to running shoe clad toe. Mum let out a dramatic sigh as she pointedly stared at the form fitting running tights Ky wore.

"To be twenty five again and have a tush that could bounce a penny off it!"

"Mum!" I groaned, but Ky just laughed.

"I don't know what you're talking about Aunt Jean, I'm pretty sure you can give lessons on how to make it rain way more than a penny."

"Ky!" But my scolding was diluted by my exasperated smile. Only Ky would insinuate that my mother could make good money stripping, and only my mother would take it as a compliment.

"Oh sweet pea, don't feel left out. You have a beautiful bottom." I let out a frustrated breath as my mother kissed my cheek affectionately and spanked my butt playfully as I floated a glass of orange juice to Ky, "Which is why I keep telling you to wear those jeans I bought you."

"We're not discussing those jeans again." The offending article left little to nothing to the imagination, "Anyway, I wanted to show Ky my wedding dress."

"Oooh!" My mother clapped her hands excitedly, following us up to my room. "It's magnificent!" She hurried forward, getting it out of its bag carefully, "Jenny Packham," She said with pride, but I doubt Ky knew of the muggle designer.

I pulled off my clothes and climbed quickly into the dress. I swiftly turned around to catch the look on Ky's face as my mum zipped me up, carefully taking in her expression.

She had raised brows, and I narrowed my eyes at that, "Wow. It's…wow."

Mum sniffed, wiping a tear from her eye as she took in the dress that looked straight from a fairy tail. It had a large billowing skirt that accentuated my small waist, whilst the top had lots of intricate beaded embroidery. Mrs Weasley and my mother loved this dress, whilst Ginny and Fleur preferred the simple gown I had used yesterday for the rehearsal dinner. "I know. She's…gorgeous. Perfect."

I looked at Ky, whose mouth parted, but remained silent. "What do you think?" I asked her quietly.

Our eyes met, "You do look beautiful." I cocked a brow, she knows that's not what I asked. She glanced at my mum, and she clearly didn't want to hurt her feelings. Neither did I, which is why I picked this in the first place, but it was my wedding, I wanted someone to be able to just understand that I didn't want to just look beautiful, I wanted to feel beautiful. Though, it is unreasonable for me to expect her to understand sentiments I could barely put into words in the first place. "How do you feel?"

I straightened my back, glancing again at my mother who was too busy placing the ruffles of the dress just so. She and my father had spent a fortune on this wedding, insisting on doing so. It had been a bit of a sore topic with Ron, who didn't feel comfortable having the finances for the event be so unequal, but I was their only child. "I don't know…" I muttered and my mother's blue eyes found mine. "I mean, it is a lovely dress." I backtracked quickly.

Ky nodded, "Yes…" She took on an innocent expression that I saw her wear often with teachers and her brothers…I stifled a smile…she was up to something, "I guess I always imagined you were going to wear your mum's old wedding dress."

My mum turned to Ky, surprised, "That old thing! Two generations of Thomas woman have used that dress, it's hideously outdated." She waved her hand at Ky's comment but my mouth hung open at the memory.

"Oh Godric! I completely forgot I showed that to you! Back when you visited over Christmas in sixth year!" My excitement dimmed, "Unfortunately, it got burnt in the fire."

I noticed my mother's eyes flickering away shiftily, and I zoned into the movement, "It did get burnt in the fire, didn't it mum?"

"I didn't say it got burnt in the fire…I said it got damaged…smoke…"

"Merlin mother you said burnt! I wanted to wear that dress!"

She groaned, "Why! You have a brand new designer dress, you don't have to use that old frock that I only used because my mother forced me to wear it! You get to choose exactly the dress you like!"

I opened my mouth but Ky cut in, "Oh but Aunt Jean you looked just like Grace Kelly in it! Remember, that's exactly what I said to you, Mi." I nodded slowly, recalling the whole conversation and knowing she said no such thing, "And then you showed me the picture of your grandmother in it, and she looked like Princess Margaret! Which was funny, they weren't exactly similar looking. I guess I'm just curious what Mi would look like in it?"

"Grace Kelly! Ky, you're too much!" My mother gushed, not listening to much else except the compliment, but she had made her way out of the room, hopefully to get the dress.

"Grace Kelly?"

"I didn't say at what age." She muttered and I shook my head at her just as my mother flounced back in with the wedding dress that had been in my family for almost seventy years. Ky quickly unzipped me and I let the new dress pool at my feet as my mother helped me into the family heirloom.

It was quite different from the Packham piece, for one thing, it didn't have any beadwork, instead everything was a delicate lace pattern that fitted down my arms, all through the bodice. The neckline was high, and held together by a single pearl. The skirt was less pouffy, hugging my waist and spilling out in long flowing white tufts. There was little to no smoke damage, only a bit that seemed to have discoloured the hem of the dress which I managed to take off easily with my wand.

I looked into the mirror, surprised to find both my mother and Ky looking at me with misty eyes. I made eye contact with Ky, and instead of saying anything she leaned forward, resting her chin on my shoulder, "There you are." She whispered, her hand circling my waist from behind and I patted her forearm, the embrace feeling warm and familiar.

"I forgot how much you look like your gran." My mother wept without abandon, her mother had died when I was eight, and she seemed overcome by the image I presented. I had been told I took after Granny Eloise, the dress fit me perfectly and she had my trademark bushy curls and defiant nose. I held a comforting hand out for mum and she took it quickly.

"So, what's the verdict?" I glanced at Ky, "More Grace Kelly or Princess Margaret?"

"Oh neither. You're all Hermione Jean Granger. And that's pretty perfect."

I smiled, holding her arm to my midriff tighter, happy at her words. "Yeah." I turned to my mum who had been wiping her eyes, "I know you wanted something new for me, and I'm so grateful."

"Oh sweet pea, it's your special day. I just want you to have everything you want. I'm sorry if I've been too opinionated."

"No, I appreciate the opinions. It's useful when there's so many aspects I don't really have a care about, like place settings." She giggled, recalling the three hour debate on place settings between her and Mrs Weasley. "But, I care about my wedding dress, and I thought I was being unreasonable wanting to have some big, aha moment. But, now that I have had it, I want to use this dress."

My mother nodded, not arguing like I half expected her to, but Ky had done such an excellent job softening her up for this moment, it was hard not to be won over by my argument.

I glanced to the girl who continued looking at me as if I was a fairy princess, complete adoration in her eyes.

"I guess I always imagined you were going to wear your mum's old wedding dress."

She imagined what my wedding day would be like, just like I had done so for her. We shared the most intimate details about each others lives, and never judged. She understood me in ways I didn't even know how to explain with words.

And in that moment, as I stared into her stormy orbs, a cold sensation flowed down my back. It wasn't just complete adoration in there…something else swirled in amidst the love.

Something painful.

Ky had more secrets.

"Ky." Our eyes met in the mirror and I could see with the pain, a bit of fear…I felt her arm loosen about my waist, and I gripped it tighter, she knew in her eyes she had given too much away. I tilted my head to the side, leaning against her forehead, the charm wearing off on her hair finally, "I want you to be my maid of honour."

I won't let her run. Not again.

But I won't push her. At the end of the day, Ky was right. I always had good instincts, and my gut never failed me, and this time it was telling me to tread carefully, she was teetering on the edge of fleeing, and I had to make her feel safe in staying.

Without hesitation, she nodded at my request, and I quickly turned, pulling her into a tight embrace, knowing that this will complicate things, Ginny was a bridesmaid and Fleur was already my matron of honour, but even if it complicates everything, this is what I truly wanted.

And for the first time in months, I felt completely happy…for I was completely understood.

A/N: I hope you enjoyed that! I wrote this chapter just after watching Wicked (the movie) and was quite inspired to pen a Hermione/Ky chapter, not that I think they're a lot like Elphaba and Glinda, but it was fun writing a friendship that is cemented with history like sharing a room together at such a formative age.

Let me know what you think about it!

Have a lovely weekend,

Kalina