Uncommonly Intelligent Chapter 33: A Psalm I Like, a pride and prejudice fanfic

Author's Note: I honestly thought I could finish up with Collins within a few days of my last post, because his parts were mostly written. Like 90%. But the last 10% just refused to cooperate. I think I'm finally at around 98%, and the first two-fifths of it is done. Since that two-fifths comes to a nice length for a chapter (3000ish words), I'm posting it now rather than making you go another weekend without a new chapter.

I was very pleasantly surprised with the reviews for the last chapter, because I thought all the science and introspection would be too dull for people who are expecting a Regency romance. Not only were the reviews (mostly) very kind, but they pushed me over the 2000 mark. I realize that my numbers are grossly inflated because of how long I am taking to write this story, but any way you look at it, the reception has been simply wonderful, and I thank you most sincerely. Special thanks to Peperuda, who informed me that distance in London is measured in streets rather than blocks.

As for my number one fan, who has stuck with me for 32 chapters and 180,000 words just to tell me how boring my story is, I can only think that I am like a train wreck to him. He hates it, but he can't look away. Maybe I can win him over once I finish with Collins and get on to Wickham, about whom I promise I am more impatient than you.

Chapter 33 - A Psalm I Like

Netherfield Park, Hertfordshire, October 23, 1811

Darcy and Richard were also up at sunrise. They had planned to go shooting at dawn, but the steady rain prevented that, so they were lingering at the breakfast table, Darcy drinking tea and Richard drinking coffee, when Georgiana entered. She smiled at them and said, "Good morning, brother, good morning, Richard," and proceeded to fill a plate from the well-stocked sideboard.

Both men returned her smile. "Good morning, poppet," said Richard. "What are your plans for the day?"

"It seems my plans may be thwarted, for I had wanted to practice a new duet with Mary, so we could perform it this evening after dinner. But unless the rain lets up soon, we may not have time to practice." She looked at her brother pleadingly. "Could we not go despite the rain? I realize we cannot ride in this downpour, but could we not take the carriage? We would only be in the rain for a moment while we got in and out, and we could use an umbrella while doing that."

Darcy hated to disappoint her, but said, "I am afraid not, Gigi. It is not just the rain, but the roads. We are not in Town where the roads around our home are paved. If it keeps raining like this, the roads may become impassable to carriages - it happened scarcely a fortnight ago. We would not want to be stuck at Longbourn, unable to return."

"Would that be so bad? I would enjoy staying at Longbourn, with the Bennet sisters as company."

"It might be pleasant for you, but it would be very hard on the Bennets and their servants. Longbourn is a modest estate. They would have to provide accommodation for you, Mrs. Annesley, Richard, Bingley, and I, at least, and possibly Miss Bingley and the Hursts, should they choose to accompany us. Not to mention our footmen and coachmen. And unless he was delayed, their cousin from Kent is also visiting them."

Georgiana looked chagrined. "I am sorry, brother, I did not think."

Darcy smiled fondly at her. "It is the sort of thing that you do not think of unless it has happened to you before. But cheer up, Gigi, unless I am mistaken, the sky is lightening. There is still a chance that it will let up in time for us to keep our dinner engagement with the Bennets."

Georgiana sighed. "I did so want to practice with Mary."

"Even that may still be possible; we can only wait and see. But you need not play something new, for I always find your music delightful, whether or not I am familiar with the piece."

Georgiana smiled at the praise, and attacked her breakfast with gusto. Darcy and Richard exchanged a glance - for months, Georgiana had only picked at her food. She bid them good morning and went off to practice on Netherfield's pianoforte when she was finished.

Darcy did not want to encounter Caroline Bingley when she came down for breakfast, so he and Richard repaired to the library, Richard pulling the door shut behind them. Seeing this, Darcy pointed at two facing chairs and looked questioningly at him, and Richard nodded, indicating that he wanted to have a private discussion.

Richard gingerly hoisted his bad leg onto an ottoman, and then got right to it.

"Darcy, can you believe the improvement in Georgiana? She was disappointed by the weather this morning, yet I swear she was still happier in general than she was on her best day back in Town. Have you ever seen her looking forward to a dinner party at the home of anyone other than a close relation? And even to performing for them? And did you notice that it is 'Mary' now, not 'Miss Mary'?" He shook his head in wonder. "Well done, Darcy, very well done! It was a stroke of genius to invite her here to meet the Bennets."

"Indeed, I am very pleased with the way she has taken to them. And a little surprised."

"Surprised? But I thought you expected it when you invited her here."

"I did, but my thought was that she would most enjoy the company of Miss Elizabeth. Yet it seems that it is the younger sisters with whom she is spending most of her time."

Richard looked at him askance. "Why on earth should that surprise you? Miss Elizabeth must be four years older than Georgiana in age, and a hundred years older in learning. I do not doubt that she is very kind, but she would not be my first choice as someone to build up the self-confidence of an insecure young lady. On the contrary, to devote as much time and effort to her lessons as Georgiana does, and then to be confronted with someone who so excels in every area like Miss Elizabeth, might have made her worse. You are fortunate that the younger Bennets set a less formidable standard."

Darcy nodded. He now saw that Miss Mary seemed to be much more compatible in terms of interests and intelligence, and even the youngest Bennet sisters, whom he had once assumed to be flighty, had hidden depths and were very well educated. He hesitated, then asked the question that had been driving him mad for the past week.

"You admire Miss Elizabeth that much? Are you considering making an offer for her?" Darcy asked with trepidation.

Richard snorted. "Me? Are you daft? Never mind that I need a woman with a large dowry, but I would be hopelessly outclassed by her wit. Indeed, I can think of very few men who would not be, and you are one of them."

"How can you say that? You converse with her easily, and she clearly enjoys it."

Richard shook his head. "She likely enjoys playing with a kitten as well, but that does not make him her equal. I happen to have a store of anecdotes that amuse her, but once those are exhausted, I do not know what we would talk about. It is clear that she knows more than I about every subject not directly related to the military, and I am not certain about even that. She conceals it well, but I know that I am out of my depth with her. She does not talk to me the way she talks to you."

"I cannot think what you mean."

Richard pondered a moment, then said, "I cannot recall an example just now, but I shall bet you a guinea that one will come up during our visit today, if the weather does not force a cancellation." He shook his head. "No, if I could afford to marry a Bennet, I believe I would choose either the eldest or the youngest."

Darcy looked surprised. "I can understand the former, for Miss Jane is indeed a great beauty, but are you serious about Miss Lydia? Are you so fascinated by her bosom?"

Richard grinned. "So even you noticed. She is quite impressive, is she not? But that is not all of it. I was attracted to her on our first visit to Longbourn, when she swatted Miss Bingley like a gnat. She has much of Miss Elizabeth's wit and impertinence, but is not nearly so intimidating in her depth of knowledge. I think that it would be very enjoyable to be married to her, even without..." he jiggled his cupped hands in front of his chest in the universal symbol of large breasts. "And from what Georgiana says, she also has a good heart, helping with the tenants and the parish school."

Darcy frowned. "You are nearly twice her age."

"There is that," Richard agreed, "along with the financial considerations. It is Miss Jane who would truly be my first choice, for I can more easily see her in my mother's drawing room than Miss Lydia, and she is more of an age for me. But she appears to be smitten with Mr. Bingley, God knoweth why. He is amiable enough, but he seems to me to be lacking in substance."

"I think you may be misled by the way his sister manipulates him. But he is improving, and we are all of us vulnerable when it comes to family members," Darcy said, defending his friend. "I cannot see myself denying Gigi anything she would ask of me that would not injure her."

"That is fair," allowed Richard. "I have a living father and two elder brothers, so I cannot know what it is like for you and Bingley, acting as both father and brother to a sister." He snorted. "Though I can much more easily imagine wanting to please Georgiana than wanting to please Caroline Bingley."

Longbourn, Hertfordshire, Oct 23, 1811

After breakfast, Lizzy and Mary returned to the room they now shared to freshen up, and discussed their plan on how to deal with Mr. Collins. Lizzy went down alone to make an initial assessment of the man's knowledge. He was hovering near the entrance to the drawing room, and Lizzy said, "If you are quite ready, Mr. Collins, we may read the Bible now."

Collins eagerly retrieved his Bible from the low table next to the sofa and sat, obviously hoping that Lizzy would sit beside him. Instead, she sat in a chair facing him, with the doors wide open and Jennie, a maid of all work, doing her mending in the corner.

"Do you have a favorite book of the Bible, Cousin Elizabeth?"

"I believe I must say the Psalms," Lizzy said smiling. "I think the 23rd Psalm surpasses any of Shakespeare's other sonnets."

Collins first beamed at this, then looked uncertain. "Er, other sonnets?"

"Oh yes! Have you noticed that if you take each semicolon, colon, or full stop as a line break, the 23rd Psalm has fourteen lines, just like a sonnet?"

Collins hunched over his Bible and read silently while his lips moved, counting the lines on his fingers. He repeated this exercise several times until he had to admit that Elizabeth was right.

"That is very interesting, Cousin Elizabeth."

"I think so, too. I often wonder why he does not get much credit for it."

"Er… forgive me, Cousin, who does not get credit for what?"

"Why, Shakespeare for the Psalms! Do you think that it was his genius alone, or do you think that God inspired him?"

Collins looked momentarily confused, then smiled patronizingly and said, "Cousin Elizabeth, you cannot think that Shakespeare wrote the Psalms?"

"Well, perhaps not all of them, but surely the 23rd shows his touch, do you not think? And of course, the 46th… but perhaps you are not familiar with them."

Offended at the implication that his knowledge of the Bible was lacking, and yet not wanting to be harsh to his future bride, Collins said with exaggerated patience, "Cousin Elizabeth, I fear you are mistaken. Like all of the psalms, the 23rd Psalm was written by King David of Israel. Our Lord even names David the author of the Psalms in the gospel of Matthew."

Lizzy pretended to consider this, privately pleased for Mary that Collins seemed well versed in the gospels, then said, "I believe it is you who are mistaken, Mr. Collins. In Matthew 22, Jesus was speaking of the 110th Psalm in particular, not all of them."

Smiling smugly, Collins left his seat to hold his open Bible in front of her, and pointed to the superscription above the 23rd Psalm, which read, "A Psalm of David."

"Do you see, Cousin Elizabeth?" It occurred to Lizzy that Collins loved calling her "Cousin Elizabeth" because Jesus also had a cousin Elizabeth.

"I do see, Mr. Collins. Again, I was not disputing that David wrote the 23rd Psalm. Rather, I was disputing your assertion that he wrote all of them."

Collins' smile slipped, but only for a moment. He quickly paged back and forth in his Bible, looking at several of the preceding and following chapters, but all of them said "A Psalm of David." His smile back in place, he informed Lizzy of this.

She was unperturbed. "Look at Psalm 33, Mr. Collins."

Collins did so, and to his consternation he saw that "A Psalm of David" was not written above that chapter. However, as he scanned the next few pages, he was relieved to see that the superscription had returned. He showed this to Elizabeth, saying, "Cousin Elizabeth, while it appears that for some reason the authorship was omitted for Psalm 33, you can see that it is restored to the following chapters, so we must assume that it applies to Psalm 33 also."

"Mr. Collins," Lizzy said, "I must respectfully disagree, for while it is true that most of the early psalms are attributed to David, if you look at the later ones, you will see that most of them are not, although the 110th is. But it would be tedious to go through them one by one, so I will ask you to look at Psalm 90."

Collins did so, and saw that the superscription read, "A Prayer of Moses the man of God." He visibly deflated and returned to his chair. But then he brightened and said, "This will require further study, but I must concede that you have grounds for saying that there are some exceptions. Quite remarkable. But that has nothing to do with Shakespeare, for we saw that the 23rd Psalm says, 'A Psalm of David'. I am quite sure there are no psalms which say, 'A Psalm of Shakespeare.'"

Lizzy nodded agreeably. "Of course not, Mr. Collins, for those superscriptions come from the original Hebrew. I do not mean to imply that Shakespeare had anything to do with the originals, which were written thousands of years ago. I do not even mean to imply that he had anything to do with the original translation into English. But if you were King James, and you had commissioned a new version of the Bible, and one of your subjects was the greatest poet in the world, would you not ask him to polish the translation of the Psalms to give them the grandeur they deserve? As I said, I think the 23rd was his most beautiful result, although I allow that double that number, the 46th, was the most amusing, the way he signed his name."

"Signed his name?"

"Yes, did you not know? Shakespeare was 46 years old when the final touches were applied to the Bible before its publication, and he signed it in the 46th Psalm. But I suppose it is just a coincidence about the anagram."

"Er, anagram?" asked Collins, feeling as if he had completely lost control of what he had assumed would be his instruction to his cousin.

"Yes, have you not seen it before? If you rearrange the letters in 'William Shakespeare', you get ' A psalm I like was here.'" She rose to retrieve one of the wax tablets always ready to hand at Longbourn, and showed him.

Collins looked as if he might be developing a headache, but he gamely pushed on, and asked, "But what is this about signing his name?"

Lizzy beamed and said, "Oh, that is the most clever thing! Look and see!"

Collins dutifully turned to the 46th Psalm, and Lizzy said, "Now look at the 46th word from the beginning, not including the superscription about it being a psalm of David," and watched Collins' lips move as he again counted on his fingers. After a few trials, he looked up and said, "It is 'shake,' but that hardly proves anything."

"Now look at the 46th word from the end. Again, do not include the postscript 'Selah,' which is not a part of the psalm, but is believed to be some sort of direction to the choir, for it appears in dozens of the psalms, but never in a sentence."

Collins was more disheartened than surprised when the 46th word from the end was "spear."

When he looked up at the smiling Elizabeth, she said, "Is that not remarkable? The 46th words from the beginning and end of the 46th Psalm are 'shake' and 'spear,' and Shakespeare was 46 years old when he was working on the Psalms."*

Collins was grateful that Mrs. Hill chose that moment to tell them that lunch was being served. Lizzy excused herself after telling Collins that they could resume after lunch, and went off to find Mary. Now that she had sounded Mr. Collins out, she had a firm plan.

"How did it go?" asked Mary.

Lizzy smiled at her. "I was pleasantly surprised. He made a remark that indicates a good knowledge of the gospels, and in fact he told me this morning that he reads them every day. His admiration for Fordyce makes me suspect that he is also familiar with the epistles. Unfortunately, papa has forbidden me to discuss the New Testament with him, so I will leave that to you, should you wish to pursue that topic. He seems less informed regarding the Old Testament, but that is not necessarily a bad thing, for it is more severe, and I do not think you should be happy with a severe Mr. Collins. As it was, he seemed to hold his temper very well, even though I was provoking him."

"So, we continue as planned?"

"If you are still willing. I should very much like to hear some soothing music while I am baiting him. Give me ten minutes to get Jane into place, and then come down."

* Of course, Lizzy knows that these are just coincidences. The 23rd and 46th Psalms in the King James Version differ by only a word here and there from their counterparts in the Geneva Bible, which was published before Shakespeare was born. In fact, I cheated, for while the trick with the 46th Psalm works with most King James Versions published over the last two centuries, it would not have worked with Mr. Collins' 1769 Oxford edition because of a typo that omitted the word "the."

Thank you to everyone who follows, favs, and reviews, especially with constructive criticism. No error is too small to mention.