Nifty hummed to herself as she got rid of the cobwebs in the top corner. A new place, a new place to clean. How exciting! New possibilities, now animals to torture! Nifty couldn't wait to start cutting apart the creatures and people within this place!
"Wow, the place is looking nice." Chomper complimented her work as he walked in. "Good job Nifty."
"I try my best." She grinned as she continued to dust-"ROACH!" She took her sewing needle out and pinned it to the wall with a perfect strike at the back. "Always go for the heart, they can live without heads for one hour too long."
"Oh, like chickens?"
"Yeah, except these guys feel the need to breed so their lineage doesn't die out." She added. "If you can only kill one, always kill the woman.." Like Mommy did with the tramps that daddy always brought home.
"Even the rooms are clean." The pornstar smiled. "When did you get the time to do that?"
"I did it while you were sleeping."
"… But our doors were locked." The gray woman with no tits questioned.
"Your vents weren't."
"Excessive… and questionable cleaning methods aside, you've done a fine job Nifty." The princess in the man suit nodded as she brought out silver platters. "And to celebrate our brand new staff at the Happy Hotel-"
"Hazbin." Alastor grinned.
"We are discussing that at a later date." The girl deadpanned, before going back to smiling. "I had razzle and dazzle cook us up a very special breakfast.. Apple Cinnamon Pancakes!"
"Sweet." Iruma smiled, grabbing one stack.
"Now makes sure to savor it slowly…"
Chomp
… And eating it in one go. No crumbs, no dripping syrup, not even a plate was left. "Thanks for the meal." He smiled, going back to fixing his hat. "Now how to make this stick …"
"… Do I need to question the physics of that?" The titless woman muttered.
"Just be glad he has enough manners to not go for seconds." Husk grumbled as he got up. "Otherwise the rest of us would fuckin starve."
"Okay… moving on." Charlie slowly nodded. "With today being our first official day being open, we need at least the first week to start getting into the grove of how things work around here. Here at the Happy-"
"Hazbin."
"-Hotel." The woman twitched. "We teach and follow and strive for the ways of a sinless lifestyle! So that one day, their souls may be purified and redeemed to get into heaven!"
"Why?" Iruma questioned.
"Because every demon has a capacity for good that shouldn't end just because there dead and-"
"No, I mean why heaven?" He continued. "Between the cherubs and exorsists, Heaven is nothing but jerks that only do good things for their own benefit and have fun hurting people."
"… Cherubs?" Vaggie questioned.
"Yeah, I met them when I was on earth. They protected an ceo that really hated the homeless for some reason because he made stuff that benefited the people they liked."
"….Say what?" Charlie winced.
"They didn't understand what it meant to be human at all, trying to say he should live because 'nature' and 'art'."
"You heard it here folks." Al smiled. "Heaven is a lie full of stuck up jerks."
"That.. that can't be.." Charlie grabbed her head. "Heaven's the good place, where everyone is nice and believes in the best!"
"I mean, if ya preaching that every demon has a rainbow inside, wouldn't it be possible for a prick to be inside an angel?" Angel Dust pointed out.
"Let's move on shall we." The gray woman waved her hands. "Charlie, your icebreakers?"
"Right… right right!" The girl shook out of her frantic and anxious state. "Today, since it's a new day with new people, we go around and talk about ourselves with some fun facts!"
"Do we fuckin have to?" Husk asked, pouring some wine into his orange juice.
"Yes, as residents of the happy-"
"Hazbin."
"-hotel … we do everything together!" Charlie grinned. "Whether your staff or patron!"
"And as the co-Owenr of this fine Hazbin Hotel, anything that makes you miserable is required!" The boss grinned. "In fact I'll go first. I'm Alastor, the Radio Demon. I love manners, anything from the nineteen thirties, and broadcasting our messages for all to hear. I detest dogs, romance, and screens for brainless zombies."
"Very good Alastor, thank you for being honest and open." Charlie nodded.
"My pleasure, Charlotte. After all, if we're going to fail all the sinners, we should do it in the closest manner possible!"
The girl twitched again, before speaking up. "I'm Charlie. I love puppies and kittens and rainbows and sparkles and happiness and young adult novels and watching people become better and my girlfriend and support groups and positive reinforcement and songs-" Quite the lung capacity.
"Charlie, maybe it'd be easier if you just list what you don't like." Gray woman patted her on the back.
"Right … the extermination." The woman nodded. "And people who are jerks for no reason. That's pretty much it."
"But that's most people in hell." Chomper raised his hand. "It's kind of most people on earth too."
"… So who's next?" Charlie went back to being shaken with a quivering lip.
"Oooh, me!" Nifty shouted. "I hate messes and dirt, and I love to cut up bugs that understand the concept of fear and pain, and having bad boys rip me apart limb from limb." She chuckled at the mental image.
"….I'm not afraid of much…" Vaggie stated as she backed away. "But this thing terrifies me."
"You get used to it." Chomper and Husk said at the same time.
"Who next.." Charlie looked around. "How about you.. Husker was it?"
"My name is Husk." The kitty growled as he chugged his drink. " I like booze, and I hate listening to you lot."
"Always the grumpy kitty, aren't you?" Alastor chuckled.
"Fuck you, I'm here against my will."
"Same." Iruma nodded.
"Being dragged against my will is fun!" She grinned.
"Alright bitches, time for me to spice things up." The spider demon grinned as he laid down on the couch, showing off his legs. "My name is Angel Dust, and I love starting off my morning with something long and meaty thrusting itself in my mouth.."
"So we should cook jerky in the morning." Iruma nodded.
"… Kid, yah killing the mood with yah smooth brain."
"You're just mad you can't corrupt him." Vaggie rolled her eyes.
"I get the dicks hard of every dick, Larry, and Moe in hell, like I'm gonna get but hurt over one brat whose balls haven't dropped yet." Angel shot back.
"Guys, we're really getting off track here.." Charlie began to sweat.
"Sounds like the words of a second rate snuff film actor." Husk chuckled.
"Who you're calling second rate, bar bitch!?"
Slam
The titless girl slammed a spear into the ground. "My name is Vaggie, I'm the manager, if you fuck shit up I WILL use violence."
"Which she won't want to do because we're all friends here…hopefully.."
"Husk and Nifty are my friends." Chomper nodded with a smile. "Alastor's definitely not one."
"If I was, I'd accuse you of Stockholm syndrome."
"And in that case, Iruma, go ahead." Charlie waved. "Last one."
Chomper nodded. "I'm Iruma Suzuki, although just Iruma since no one else seems to be using last names … and I like to eat." The kid smiled. "And I don't like Alastor, or my parents."
"What SOB doesn't hate their parents?" Angel Dust rolled his eyes.
"Millie doesn't seem to hate hers all that much. And Octavia and Stolas seem to be getting along better." The boy continued. "Not sure about Moxxie, though Blitz probably does, and Loona's a grey area.."
"Let's shift to something less depressing." Charlie insisted with a slight sweat. "Iruma, you're from earth, mind giving a small detailed bit about your life? Something more… uplifting and fluffy?" Boring in Nifty's opinion, but it has been a while since she was there.
"Oh, something detailed… okay." Chomper nodded. "When I was five my parents won a cruise to South America, but my mom dropped her bracelet in the ocean, so she threw me overboard to get it out of the bottom of the ocean." The kid started off.
"Hahahahahaababahaaa!" Angel laughed.
"Angel, that's horrible!" Charlie exclaimed.
"Oh come on, no one's family is that shitty outta of hell."
"You do realize that you're talking about a human kid that was sold by his parents into hell; right?" Husker brought up.
"After multiple sharks started trying to eat me, my parents said I wasn't allowed to climb back on the ship until I've collected all shark fins, but I had no harpoon, so I spent the next two days swimming the opposite direction to find land." The kid kept going. "I quickly learned that the proper way to hold your breath is to slowly exhale out of the nose while moving along with a lower current, that way I wasn't constantly crashing against the waves and wasting all my energy trying to stay on the surface of the water."
"Seriously, when does the joke end!?" Angel chuckled.
"By the time I arrived I had to work for some guys in suits that wanted me to shine their shoes until I had enough money for a boat ride back home, after which my parents said they were using my room for extra storage. I had to try out a couple leaves to see which one best acted as a pillow. You'd think of a sakura tree because of how pretty it is but the substance is actually super fragile, not even worth it as a blanket when grass is the better option." The boy nodded. "I was actually kind of surprised Alastor let me sleep inside for free when I got to hell, most of my out of country employers would charge rent."
"…. Wasn't this supposed to be about a positive time?" Vaggie asked in horror.
"It was positive. That was the first time I got paid without being given a job involving hard labor or dangerous beasts. I also learned a lot about how to survive the ocean." Chomper smiled.
"And that, ladies and gentlemen, is one of many long and entertaining tangents from the real life of Iruma Suzuki!" Alastor laughed as the audience in his cane clapped. "Always remember, life sucks no matter WHERE you are in the universe."
"….Excuse me, I have to go cry in a pillow at the lack of compassion for humanity." Charlie smiled with a strained look as she slowly walked away.
"... Wanna bet on how long you think till she cracks?" She asked Husk.
"I give it till the end of the week."
Angel Dust may have had his voice broadcasted across all of hell whenever that boy was near, but between the free room and board, along with the liquor, it was fuckin worth it. "I missed you, precious little bottle." A perfect way to ease away the pain.
"You know I'm cutting you off if we run low, right?" The other big win in Angel Dust's book, the new bartender. Deep voice, hidden muscles, and that experienced look in his eyes. Meow.
"Don't worry about it sweet cheeks, I can think of something else that you can give me to fill me up~." Angel leaned in, the bad attitude only getting him more reved up. Those that were hard to get were always the most satisfying.
"I will punch you." They growled.
"Oooh, hopefully it's in the spots I like it." He smirked.
"Angel.." Of course the voice of the bitch had to ruin things. "It's one thing to be drinking, it's another to sexually harass the one serving them."
"It's not harassment until you grab them against their will." Val made sure of that at all times. "What I'm doing is flirting."
"What you're doing is projecting you insecurities." The cat rolled his eyes as he took a drink. Oh he wanted to go there now, did he?
"Oh, looking into my brain when you should be lookin into my bod." He smirked. "How curious are you, little kitty?"
"Unless you're the bottom of a bottle, I'm not interested."
"So daddy loves being in charge and on top?" Angel pressed it with a grin. As long as they gave them the excuse, he was in control of the conversation.
"Okay, think I got this down." The radio boy came back holding a large sheet of paper.
"What's that?" The princess questioned.
"Map of the hotel. I wanted to memorize room numbers and escape routes in case of an emergency." The kid said. "I also made sure to add on all Alastor's add ons for you." He handed the boss lady the paper.
"Aw, that's sweet of you, thanks." Charlie beamed with delight as she looked it over, rubbing the boy on the head. "Ooh, maybe we can add the map to a brochure and…" She blinked. "… Why is there a 'new orlens torture swamp' listed?"
"He said it made him feel at home." The kid shivered. "Moving all that flesh-eating Algae was not easy."
"… Just gonna mark that under 'avoid'." She noted. "… Do I want to know what 'hunting ground' means?"
"Let's just say I'm going to spend a lot of time with a red target spray painted on my back."
" … I'll be right back." She smiled, marching away.
" … Was she always that overprotective?" Angel blinked.
"Kids got a weird magnet when it comes to chicks." Husk shrugged. "Usually one talk's all it takes for them to go ga ga over him."
"Ahhh, so it's an ovary thing." Something Angel Dust had little interest in. "Pfft, like that's impressive. I actually have talent in making people melt like butter."
Husk blinked at that, before letting out a dangerously devilish smirk. "Care to make a wager?"
"Ohh, grumpy cat's finally purring~." Angel snickered. "Name the game. I'm an ace of all talents."
"Make the kid blush." He spoke. "If I win, no sex jokes for the rest of the week." Husk said bluntly. "You win, I'll actually spend a night in your bed."
"Ooh, keep talking like that daddy and you'll get more than a night." Easiest bet ever.
"Ground rules." The demon continued, wiping a glass. "No use of the words please, help me, begging you."
"Really?" Angel raised an eyebrow. "You adding 'excuse me' and 'thanks' to that list?"
"Trigger words. Would be a free pass to make him do anything against his will."
"It makes him super obedient, like a puppy!" Nifty cackled as she fed the boy a biscuit and rubbed his head like he was a dog. "Bug!" She shouted, running off.
"… We made the kid unable to say no the bellhop…." Vagina slapped her face. "Qué carajo está haciendo Alastor?
"He's the main subject of the fucked up bastard's entertainment? You think he wouldn't have some fun?" The man questioned.
"Alright alright, I'll take the bet." Angel snickered. "This is cake for me. I'm sexy enough to turn straight men gay and freaky enough to turn gay men straight."
"... Should I stop this before he does something we all regret?" Vagina growled to herself.
"Trust me, this ain't going how you think it will." The pussycat grinned as he shoved some pretzels in his mouth. "It's gonna be a fucking riot." Wouldn't be saying that once he was in Angel's room.
Puffing up his chest fluff/boobs, Angel strutted towards the runt with a sultry grin. From the little he heard of the radio, the kid was as dense as they come, otherwise Husk wouldn't assume he had a fucking chance at winning this. So he needed to start subtle and work his way to a climax… metaphorically speaking, though if the kid had an orgasm when he went to bed tonight, that was more points in Angel's favor.
"Heya kiddo.." He walked on by. "Watcha doin?"
"Hoping the rabid animals Alastor ordered are just for his dinner tonight." The kid responded as he looked over a list. "And that none of them are weasels … there's one in particular I keep running into."
"Sounds stressful." Angel faked sympathy as he taped his fingers on the kid's arm.
"Yeah, but the more stressed I am, the less the radio demon tortures me. Inverse policy and all that." He responded off handedly. "Especially when it's back to living under the same roof."
Angel had to repress feelings of relatability. This kid's life was nothing like his. "You know… I happen to be an excellent stress reliever if you know what I mean."
"…. You can serve ice cream on a hot day?" He questioned.
"… What-no." Angel shook his head.
"But I always see you eating popsicles." The kid titled his head. "I just assumed you were the hotel's ice cream tender or something."
"How the fuck does eating popsicles make me an ice cream tender!?"
"… Cause everything is on fire in hell and having a cold food choice is weird?"
"Pffft…" Vagina snorted. "Okay. I see your point."
"I know right?" Husk chuckled. "You can pinpoint the moment his brain says 'what the fuck?!'."
Ooookay. Those two wanted to laugh it up? Fine. He had more tricks up his sleeve. "I'm actually more of a, hands on guy, if you know what I mean." Angel Dust said with a sultry tone as he placed a hand on the boy's shoulder.
"Hands on … stress relief … oh, my mistake." Ha, now he was cookin- "You're a masseuse, right?"
"…"
"Because if so, I'm happy for the offer, but I'll have to decline. My back still burns when pressure's on it and I don't want to agitate the thing more than it's already going to be." The kid put his hand up. "And if I'm being honest… spider fur is too scratchy on my skin. I mean, I'm sure you're comfortable in your own body, but for other people I can't imagine they feel the same."
"Hahahahahahahabaahahaha!" Vagina laughed as she leaned on the counter to catch her breathe. "So much catharsis so quickly! It's too much!"
"Ignorance is a power within itself." The bar bastard smugly stared at him. "Ready to call it quits now Charlotte's web, or do you want to blow even more shots that usual?"
"It'll be less than the shots you drink in the morning, that's for sure!" Angel shouted back.
"… Am I missing something?" The brat asked with a tilted head.
"Nothing worth admitting kid!" The bitch called out.
"This is why I fuck men instead of bitches you know!"
"So you hate female dogs?" The kid asked with that stupid naive expression. "Huh, guess you and Alastor have that in common… you're not a cannibal sadistic jerk too are you?"
"First off … it's hell." Angel Dust deadpanned. "If you aren't or haven't been a jerk at some point, you're genuinely insane like that Nifty gal." He pointed to the giggling chick running around.
"Come on, I don't want to hurt you too badly ... I just want to know where your children are!" The little psycho called out.
"Second of all, I am who I am, and what I am is the sexiest sinner in hell." Angel glared. "I have the looks, the legs, the confidence, the creepy fan letters, and an ass that can take in the biggest cocks in hell! Everyone wants to fuck me, and I always give them reasons to fuck me!"
The moron stated at him with a dumb look, before taking on an expression he's seen Charlie give himself the past two weeks! "…Do you need a hug?"
"Bwhahahahaahahaahahahahahashahahaaaaa!" The bitch fell to ground, rolling in laughter. "I can't breathe I can't breathe… too much.. it's too good and way too much!"
"FUCK IT!" He walked up to the bar.
"Aww, I thought you were getting somewhere with that last one." The cat smirked.
"Shove it in your dick."
"What's wrong, mommy long legs? Kid slapped the bitchiness back into you head and got you all twisted in your panties?" The bastard poked him in the head.
"Just do your job and give me a drink." He growled, taking a swing.
"… Was this an inside joke or …" The boy asked.
Smash
Bam
Capow
The sounds of smashing walls filled the halls as everyone stared upwards. "Now now Princess Charlotte, this savage display is very much beneath a royal of your stature.."
"You will NOT shoot projectiles of any kind at this child in my hotel Alastor!"
"Does that sentence indicate I can swing projectiles at him?"
"Tempt me and I will smash every radio I see!"
"But then you'll loose your free advertising. After all, everyone in hell can listen to everything around the boy at all times."
"…They what now?"
"Yes, and I do believe the boy and everyone else heard you and you're little tantrum."
"From my experience, if I can hear it, everyone else in hell can!" The human shouted back up.
"And now all of hell can hear how wonderful and amazing your hotel is and how you function at all times. Isn't that just lovely, dear Charlotte?"
"…..Fuck…"
"Tell me about it princess!" At least Angel wasn't the only one suffering today.
Vaggie admittedly shouldn't have had a hard time getting up to comfort her girlfriend about her worries after the little … excessive display of empathy … but in her defense … seeing Angel Dust finally getting what he deserved was too much to not savor and enjoy. "Every word every word, every freaking word!?" Charlie groaned as she paced back and forth. "On Top of torturing him and dragging a kid to hell, he doesn't even get a moment of privacy!?"
"Nope. Probably not." She nodded, looking over her phone. "I've been looking up some internet recordings and web pages detailing 'the tale of Iruma Suzuki', and it's … not pleasant."
Charlie looked to Vaggie, then took a deep breath. "Okay … preparing myself … give it to me straight."
"Well if we're going by chronological order… conditioned by birth to always obey, worked to the bone by his parents to provide for them instead of the other way around, got sold by said parents to Alastor, nearly got mauled by cannibals, pissed off three overlords just for the association to Alastor, forced to work for and get nearly killed by assassins, nearly sexually asssulted on several occasions.."
"Gasaaaaahh…"' Charlie moaned as she leaned down on her bed. "Please tell me that's the end of it."
"Barely a quarter through the list." Vaggie winced. She had done her best to understand Hell's hierarchy and political structure in the short time she's been here, but with how messed up and eventful the kid was, it shocked her to the core that no one's done a single fucking thing about it before now. "In other words, the bellhop thing is more of a finely dressed title to his life."
"This shouldn't be happening, this shouldn't be fucking happening! I'm not crazy for gymsaying that, right!? Because a live human living in hell is beyond acceptable levels of crazy!" Charlie pulled on her hair.
"It's… unheard of." A human… heaven couldn't be that heartless. The exterminations.. they were beyond horrid ... but they were supposed to protect souls from sinners ... There was no excuse to ignore the help of a child that did nothing wrong. "It shouldn't be possible at all."
"There has to be SOMEONE we can talk to about it!" She shouted. "I mean like … come on!"
"Charlie … demons are listening and laughing." Vaggie repeated. "None of them are going to help."
"Well… some body has too… just.. anybody!" Charlie slapped her head. "Why didn't I hear about this sooner? If I had know there was a human in hell suffering.."
"You were busy getting the hotel off the ground.. heck we both were." Vaggie sighed. If she paid more attention to Alastor when he popped back up, maybe they could've prevented so much pain. Here she was writing it off as a joke … she really was a fallen… "Maybe.. maybe your dad can help…"
"… I'm not sure if he'd be willing.." Charlie sighed. "He hasn't been motivated to do much of anything since mom… you know."
"… Right …" Vaggie stayed silent for a moment. "… Sad to say, but that turns our number of options to … zero."
"Ugh.." Charlie banged her head on the wall.. before blinking. "Hold on, didn't he say something about meeting angels?"
"He brought up cherubs, but they're basically the heaven equivalent of an imp.." Low on the totem pole, arrogant and greedy little bastards.
"No. There was something else he said, something when we first met.." Charlie tapped her chin.
"Maybe he was talking about the exorcists?" Vaggie questioned. "He would have seen the extermination after all." And become a victim of them if complaints about damage and limp were true.
"Maybe… " Charlie steeled her gaze as she opened the door to her room, where she saw iruma on the ceiling, being glued to it. "….Ah.."
"Good news, Alastor didn't find the rabid weasel… bad news, hell badgers are just as furious as honey badgers on earth." The boy paused. "… In fact they almost seem more tranquil and calculating … I don't know what that says about Mother Nature."
"… Right.." Charlie winced. "Iruma, would you plea-" Charlie covered her mouth. "I mean pleas-gah, how do I word this nicely-"
"You can say please if you want. I don't mind if it's not putting me in a dangerous situation." The kid nodded. "I know it makes talking nicely difficult, no need to make it more complicated."
"Alright …" Charlie took a deep breath. "Iruma, could you please tell me about your experiences with angels?"
"Oh … well there was the extermination." He noted. "A bunch of them tried killing me because I looked funny and thought that would score them a lot of 'points' or something. Ran around for a whole four hours, did some things I both am and am not proud of, got saved by Stolas, then Octavia kissed me."
"Wait, you have a girlfriend?" Vaggie raised an eyebrow.
"It was a pretty recent thing." He nodded with a faint blush, and a smile on his face. "Still trying to work it out myself. We're going on our first date at the end of the week."
"Awwwwww, first date~." Charlie blushed. "We can totally help you out with that, me and Vaggie have plenty of experience in that field."
"Oh that would be really appreciated. I have no experience other than some manga, and part of me feels that taking experience from fiction will probably not end well."
"Oh I've been there before. My first date ever we tried to enact Romero and Juliet and it did not end well.. neither did the second when we did rapunzel.. or the third with sleeping beauty.."
"Ahem." Vaggie coughed to get the conversation back on track. Cute that Charlie could relate to somone on her level of naivety, but now wasn't the time.
"Right, was that your only experience with angels?"
"Oh no. There was also the cherubs. They were tasked with keeping someone alive, Lyle Lipton. He was slightly suicidal because he accidently aged himself while trying to build a youth machine so he could keep experimenting on the poor and exploiting the homeless for cheap labor."
"….Heaven was trying to protect a man like that?" What the fuck were they smoking up there now?! Was Adam's idiocy contagious!?
"Apparently his inventions were benefiting mankind as a whole, so I think they were focusing on the net gain of the situation. The guy still ended up in hell." He nodded. "Honestly more surprised I didn't work for him before getting dragged down here. He really hated children."
"Gaaaaagggghhhh…" Charlie grimanced. "Why.. why are they so horrible.." This was why she could never find out Vaggie's secret… it would ruin everything. "Is… is there one positive experience you had with Heaven? You mentioned something about it when we first met."
"… Umm … I guess there was another one ... her name's Emily, and apparently she was my guardian angel…" … They gave a fucking SERAPHIM to the boy!? "It's kind of complicated though."
"How's it complicated?" Charlie asked
"Because I didn't even know she existed until the day I was sent to hell." He explained. "Apparently angels have rules about being seen by humans… something the cherubs really didn't follow the more I think of it. Though that might have been because of Blitz and the others …" Iruma shook his head. "But that's beside the point. For fourteen years she looked after me being as visible as the wind, I guess she was also my broken echo…"
"Echos don't break." Vaggie pointed out.
"Well it was the only explanation I had for the screams of fear I heard whenever a rockslide was about to bury me alive, or a mongoose was about to bite my nose off, or the offended noises I heard whenever a guy gave me candy instead of money because if he paid a child it would count as 'breaking child labor laws'."
"…. Vaggie, hand me the crying pillow again…" Charlie began sniffing.
"There, there hun.." Vaggie sighed as she patted Charlie on the back.
"The only time I could actually feel her presence was when I slept at night.. her wings just emit this.. warmth and security.. and even at night when all I had to sleep on was cold pavement and a newspaper.. I could sleep as soundly as as I could in any other bed." Iruma smiled fondly. "It also probably explains why I kept waking up with feathers in my head even at nights when I didn't look after chicken coops."
"And it just makes me tear up more." Charlie spoke through a muffled pillow. "Why… it's sooo pureeeee and sweet and-and-and.."
"But … she can't help me." He said with an exhausted sigh. "She doesn't know how to break the contract, and the radio demon can pull me back down to hell even if I'm on earth or anywhere else."
"Wait, you.. you can go back and forth to earth?" Vaggie questioned.
"Another long story that'll probably get explained later." Iruma sighed. "So I guess I'm just stuck here doing whatever Alastor says … or any of the four other people owning my soul."
"Four ... that shouldn't be possible…" Vaggie pondered.
"What was weirder is that the last four were all in the same week back to back." The kid said. "Though, maybe not as weird as the last one being accidental cause a girl confessed her love to me.."
"How do you accidentally… ugh, this is giving me a headache." Vaggie rubbed her forehead.
"Combination of ignorance and some form of mutual agreement on my part." The kid shrugged. "Look, If you or anyone else here is trying to do something good by helping sinners, then good for you, Hell needs more people like that…. But… I'm done trying to fight it…. and I've only made myself miserable trying to cut myself off from it."
Charlie stood up, moved onto the ceiling the boy was glued to, and hugged the kid affectionately. "I promise we're going to find a way out of this. My goal is to get everyone out of hell and that goes for you to-"
"You sound just like Emily too..." The kid sighed with a downtrodden face, but no tears came. "Heaven might be good for some people … But not for me.. hell's the first place I've been happy, and I'm staying here." For once Vaggie didn't think a man…. Or rather a boy in this case, was something to get antsy about…. The kid was broken…. Just like her. "…Could you get me down please, I've been here for like an hour and I'm starting to get dizzy."
"Yeah sure." Charlie pulled him off … along with the ceiling he was attached to. "… What brand of glue is this?"
"Alastor had me make it after he made me wrangle up ten hellhorses…"
"… I'll get the thermostat." Vaggie grumbled. Teaming up with the talk show host was a mistake
.
Millie was quite miffed at the radio demon. Stealing away their tot in the middle of family night for a new job. One he wasn't even getting paid for! "Charity work, can you believe the non-humanity of it all!?" Blitz grumbled to that tacky hotel. "Why the fuck do anything if you can't get paid for it? It's inane I tell ya! My dad was the biggest bastard you could meet and he at least knew to never take a charity gig!"
"Even mine never did things for free, and he could arguably be worse." Moxxie noted. "Then again trying to assume the radio demon's intentions is a web of mystery in itself."
"That's not the important issue here!" Millie said. "We were finally getting somewhere with our little found family and that dear fucker just nabs him away!"
"Yeah, cause he likes torturing the brat, thought we went over that day one." Blitz rolled his eyes. "But it's fine, we just need to go over and work out a new schedule. You know, once we kill our current targets."
"I don't want to work out a schedule.." Millie grumbled. She heard how chummy the princess was with her tot, and while she wouldn't deny him friends, being motherly and affectionate was her role in his life.
"Yeah, well we still can't murder the overlord, so deal with it." Her boss pointed out as they arrived. "Now remember people, manners." And with that, Blitz kicked down the door. "Hey there, bitches and bastards!"
SHING
And they were met with an angelic spear to their face being held by a mothy looking gray skinned sinner. "You have five seconds to explain yourself before I gut all of you."
"Oh cool your non existent tits crazy chick." Blitz groaned as he moved around the tip. "We're just here to pick up our employee."
"Employe?" That princess asked from the back
"They mean me." The kid popped out, looking shiney and stuck for some reason.
"Tot, you're okay!" Millie ran up and hugged him.
"Wait, Millie I still haven't gotten all the glue-" Smack. "… Off."
"Don't care, now we can hug all the way back." She was just happy to have him back.
"Oh right, I completely forgot about you lot." The radio fucker noted. "Given you still cause him misery … fridays through sundays, and he works here the rest of the time."
"Oh come on!"
"Well if you didn't make the show such a sap fest then maybe I would reconsider."
"I'm sorry … I'm confused." The princess spoke up. "I haven't really listened to the show so the context is a little … lost on me."
"High there, the name is Blitz, the O is silent." Their boss shook the princess's hand.
"Isn't it always silen-"
"I won the bet!" Husk cut off the pink spider porn star from the news in the front desk/bar thingy.
"Lousy little …" The demon grumbled.
"You see, we run a little business of killing people in the living world." Blitz explained. "And dear old Iruma here is our muscle slash gopher."
"...I'm sorry, I thought I misheard you, what the fuck did you just say?" The princess's eyes twitched.
"Oh, interested I see. So, we offer about five hundred dollars per normal average day joe if you want them dead. Anyone with a gun costs you a thousand. Ten thousand if you want a politician dead." He went on. "And our special little discount of kids dying for free."
"...WHAT THE FUCK!?"
"I was actually one of their targets once." Iruma nodded. "Didn't work out, eventually we fought Vox together, then Millie and Mox took me into their home. I was kind of apprehensive about the job but since I didn't have to live with Alastor anymore I liked the offer … although now I'm back to living under the same roof as him."
"Just like the good old times, eh chum?" The radio demon chuckled.
"I repeat…..WHAT THE FUCK!?"
"You know, for a princess that advocates for no sinning, ya sure swear a lot." Millie pointed out. "Anyways, it took some growing pains, but our little tot has truly become one of our little murder family, just like in the story books."
"When you survive extermination together, it tends to bring everyone around." Moxie nodded.
"Anyway, we're gonna take the kid and go murder a family now, kay bye." Blitz waved as Millie held her baby upwards and carried him up.
"Hold up hold up hold on!" The moth lady stopped them at the door. "We can't just let you leave here when you just admitted to killing humans!"
"You can and will bitch, nobody's stop us so far and no one will now!" Blitz called out.
"He has a point." Alastor smiled. "I've been broadcasting everything they've done for months, and yet not one demon or angel has tried to stop them." He held his cane to the princess. "How does that make you feel, Ms Charlotte?"
"…." The princess took in a deep breath. "Would you… please reconsider taking the boy on jobs that involve murder."
"Well if they're not going to, I guess he could stay here with me..."
"Take me with you." Iruma begged.
"Like I was gonna do anything less." Millie patted the boy on the head even if it got stuck. "You can't take my boy from me unless it's from my cold dead hands!"
"Alastor?"
"Yes Princess?"
"I dispise you."
"Then I'm doing good."
Charlie sighed as she looked out into the city.. her home that was still recovering from the extermination. In time it would be back up and running like normal.. just in time for a new extermination to come and bring it back to ruin.
"But we can stop it … we can bring souls to heaven …" She smiled. "… Even if everyone thinks it's a joke … even if our only patron is barely trying to reform … even if a human thinks the people in hell are nicer than the people in heaven …" that.. that wasn't a confidence destroyer at all…
On the one hand, the fact that someone else saw the goodness in demons, in her people after all this time was beyond delightful. And he made great progress helping everyone around him out, kept on a smile, and was just an all around adorable bundle of a kid…which was why he did not belong in hell..
But from what she learned, his life on earth wasn't much better, and had made him cynical to the point he believed literal hell is as good as life could get! She loved it here and even Charlie knew things could be far better!
"What the fuck …" She groaned. Okay, maybe you could help him. Redemption for when he eventually … no, that was a horrible idea! He'd live a whole life just to go back to hell…
Angel's words repeated in her head. 'Sorry toots, he's under contract. Short of actually killing the strawberry pimp, the human stays.' … Could you even bind a holy soul? Technically Charlie counted as holy thanks to Dad, so it was possible.
Her best chance at getting the Hotel actually running properly was also the biggest source of everything she was against in hell. But she couldn't deny the help, the hotel was actually starting to look like an ACTUAL Hotel for people to actually want to stay in, but it also meant knowingly USING a suffering soul, a soul like Iruma's was one of the reasons why she STARTED the Hotel to begin with, to save souls that DIDN'T deserve to be in hell! It was a horrible contradiction to everything she was doing and she still didn't even have prooof any of it worked-!
Knock knock
Charlie was taken out of her internal monologue as she turned to the door. "Come in."
It opened, and in came iruma holding a warm cup of something. "Hey.. so I've noticed you seemed a bit… frazzled since I've came… so I made this.. well actually I tried to make tea but then the flying goat demons smelled what I was making and thought I was trying to poison you, and after about an hour of biting and explaining, they sent me up with this." He held up a pot of tea.
"Oh, thank you." She smiled. "Sorry about Razzle and Dazzle … they're kind of overzealous at times." Probably why dad decided to bring them to life in the first place.
"Yeah, Millie's like that too." He nodded. "She tries to murder anyone she thinks wants to hurt me or 'take my chastity' as she puts it."
Adding that to 'reasons to save this child from hell'. "You can have some too if you want." She offered him a cup.
"Oh, I mean it's suppose to be for you.."
"Warm drinks are always better with friends." She insisted, having to remind herself yet again that she couldn't just say please.
"Oh.. well I am pretty thirsty. Thanks." He smiled as he took the cup and sat next to her. "I haven't gotten the chance to see hell from this height before… makes me almost forget it's meant to be eternal punishment."
"Hmm …" She hummed as she took a sip. ".. Yet every year they're hurt because heaven's trying to keep the population secure …"
"Why would they even be worried about that?" Iruma asked curiously. "If all bad people go here and the good ones up there.. then wouldn't it be better if they just.. didn't meet at all?"
"But they can … see that?" She pointed to the white moon in the sky. "That's heaven."
"Really?" Iruma stared up. "So far away.. yet so close…"
"You haven't gotten a chance to hear the story of hell, have you?" She asked. "How it all started?"
"No. Not really." He nodded.
"… In the beginning, there was good and evil." She narrated. "Light and dark. Amalgamated forces without construct, swirling around each other … but never meeting… until one day, the angels formed out of the good." She took out the book, opening its pages as swirling light popped out.
"Shiney…" Iruma awed in curious glee.
"Seven seraphim forming the order, decided to spread that good through the cosmos. One of them … was my dad, Lucifer Morningstar." She showed him off. "He had so many wonderful ideas for humanity, the angel's first big project … but they were rejected, for being out landing, and of fear of breaking what they created."
"Did he have a dangerous job planned for them?" He asked.
"No.. he had dreams for them." She nodded with a small smile. "Ambitions and determination, he wanted them to reach highest even higher than they were made for. Which is where we reach the garden of Eden." Charlie showed off the Lucious trees and fruits. "Heaven took a bit of itself and placed it on earth, a paradise where nothing could go wrong ... a land where the lions and sheep both ate from the grass and the wolves and bears didn't even know the Concept of violence for survival." The beautiful nature of it all.
"….Where is this place and can I sleep there?"
"It's not around anymore.." She sighed. "It was a dream for the first two humans, Adam and Lilith." Her mom …
"Wait, there were only two humans?" He blinked.
"Yes." She nodded. "They were meant to be the beginning of mankind."
"… How did they solve inbreeding?"
"….Moving on.." A little reminder that not everything was perfect. "Both Adam and Lilith were made from the same dust of the earth, equals in every matter, but Adam sought complete control of the fiercely independent Lilith, who fled the garden when she wouldn't obey."
"So he was sexist?"
"Um … from what my mom said … yes." Especially one day when she got back from a meeting with Heaven ranting about the man and his 'limp duck'. "Anyways, fleeing the garden, Lilth ran into the wayward dreamer of Lucifer, and when the two met, and they fell in love. Lilith, for her strong spirit and courage, and Lucifer, for his dreams and ideals. Together, they crafted the tree of knowledge of Good and Evil. A tree that once bitten into the fruit of, would grant man kind the knowledge of the world around them, and thus, give them free will."
"Sounds amazing." He smiled. "I know I could use more knowledge."
"Yeah … except biting it allowed evil to enter the world as well, and formed into the realm known as Hell." Charlie sighed. "And it stated by giving the furit to Adam's second wife Eve".
"So … is free will evil, or eating evil?" Iruma asked. "Somone mentioned that earlier and I never got a clear answer."
"No, neither is evil." Charlie reassured with a small smile. "But with the knowledge to do good, so came the knowledge to do evil. The first son of Adam and Eve killed his brother, now knowing the ideas of hate and murder. And mankind, for all the good they could do, were just as capable of doing evil."
"Oh…" The boy slowly nodded. "So it's like when people make guns."
"Yes. The option is there, but in the end it's your choice to shoot it at someone or not." Charlie ruffled his head. "For their unintended consequences, Lucifer was fallen from his position, and alongside his wife, were banished to hell. Lucifer fell depressed, discouraged by his dreams, and only ever getting to see the evil brought out by his choices." Dreams that Charlie chased after for so long. "But Lilith found herself thriving. She used her voice and inspired hell with her songs, encouraging both sinner and hellborn alike to shape this realm into what you see today."
"Oooh …" He looked to the distance. "… How come I can't hear her songs then?"
"Because.. seven years ago she.. disappeared.." Charlie sighed. "Me and dad don't know where she's gone, but we haven't heard anything …" What was so important you had to leave everyone behind mom? "Her voice was the only thing that gave hell its hope.. because with the thriving populace and the empowerment the sinners gained.. heaven begun to fear an uprising .. so they made a terribly cruel choice."
"… The exterminations…" Iruma gasped. "… It's not just about the population is it? It's a scare tactic."
"Yes." Charlie nodded. "Hell wasn't apart of the original plan.. so it became unknown… and what's unknown can be scary."
"… I really can't trust Emily." He muttered. "If she lets stuff like this happen."
"Iruma, don't.." She sighed. "You've been able to see the good side of hell haven't you?"
"I'm not saying that she doesn't care about me … she just … lets this happen." Iruma looked at the white moon. "Everyone up there does."
"There has to be more of a reason, I know it." Charlie said. "Life isn't black and white, you know that isn't the case for hell." She held his hand. "So.. the same can be said for heaven. I won't force you to change your mind… just.. I'm just asking for you to keep an open one."
"… Alright …" The boy nodded. "I'll keep it open." That was all she could hope for now …
Grrrr
"… Did the tea disagree with you?" She asked.
"No … just a bit hungry." He explained. "Nothing serious."
"If you're hungry we have a full kitchen available." Charlie reassured.
"I probably shouldn't. One meal a day was my average back on earth. Two to three here is just better." He waved off like that wasn't something to cry over. "And everyone else needs it more than me probably. I'll probably snack on a rat that sneaks into my room later… oh wow, I didn't even thank you for giving me a room.. that's two whole rooms I've had to myself in my entire life." Iruma chuckled. "Isn't that something crazy?"
"…" Charlie summoned her two servants. "Razzle, Dazzel." She told her two little helpers. "Cook Iruma some food until he's full."
He blinked. "I-"
"Please, just enjoy this. Alright?" She told him as she hugged him. "As long as you're at this hotel, I will protect and provide for everyone here, and that includes you Iruma." Especially him.
"… Thank you Charlie.. Thank you.." The boy smiled as a light tear came to his eyes. Seriously, who could ever want to hurt an innocent child like this? Who could even bring themselves to yell at a child like this?