Andrealphus took a sip of wine, glaring down at the imp before him. "Tell me what I'm looking at, would you?"
"It's in... your new desk, Lord Andrealphus." They spoke with nervous confusion. "You ordered it last week."
"Yes, it is. And tell me, why is the uppermost right corner bent at an eighty-five-degree angle instead of a perfect ninety-degree one?"
The imp blinked, looking at the desk. "... I don't see any-"
He grabbed the little hellspawn's throat. "I am Andrealphus, Marquis of the Ars Goetia, and he who studies geometry known to man and unknown to mortal minds." He growled. "And you dare to insist that I can not tell when my desk is not perfect?"
"I-ah, no sir, I'm not. I deeply apologize for my mistake-"
"The apologies of a lowly imp have no worth to me, insect." He glared. "You are blessed to even be in the same room as me, much less be under my employ! And my property is to not be dealt with and handed like the trash that makes up your entire life!"
"I-I understand my my sire. I shall fetch the best of desks and treat it with the utmost care."
"Only after you take your right arm and twist it in a ninety-degree angle until it snaps." He glared.
"I…"
"I'm waiting." He stated. "And if it doesn't bend, I will do it myself until it's at one-eighty."
"Will do, Your Majesty!" The imp started moving their arm upwards, using the left one to force it down. "Just a little… more...!"
Snap
"Ahhhhhh!"
"Good." Andrealphus rolled his eyes as he moved past the pathetic parasite. "Clean the blood off the ground when you're done."
"Y-yes, sir." They got out through the pain. Such worthless creatures. Why Stolas would ever lower himself to fornicating with one of those things was a complete mystery.
Of course, it wasn't the cheating that made it so controversial. He knew for a fact Stella had done it once or twice, and demons being faithful to their partners was a rare occurrence in itself. It was how public it was and how much of a nagging bitch Stella made herself sound like screeching like she actually gave a damn about the lanky twink. He would've distanced himself from the entire situation if he didn't have his own plans for the two.
Said plans, however… became complicated. The Ars Goetia were a content species. They were powerful enough to indulge themselves, yet not important enough that every action they took had to be dictated and chained. The sins were rulers of their entire realm, all actions constantly concerning them at all times, from every factory to any demons who acted too far out of line. The only exception was Pride, as without Lucifer's guiding hand and the Goetia's lack of care, the sinners were the ones in charge.
Andrealphus however, had ambitions. He was not content with simply being a marquis, he desired to grow even more powerful, to truly do as he wished. His sister had very little, to no aspirations, hence why she was the perfect tool to get closer to Stolas.
Normally, it would be a simple case of killing the bastard and having Stella inherit everything. She cared little for the responsibility, being the spoiled cow she was, so Andrealphus would step up as the 'reliable older brother' and gratefully take on the role.
Unfortunately, as the precautionary heir, his niece Octavia would now inherit the grimoire, legions, and fortune. Now, one may question, 'Why not just kill her then'? Well, for starters, Andrealphus was a dick. He wasn't a monster, thank you very much. He wouldn't just kill an innocent girl… Without using her for all she was worth, at least.
So one option that opened up was to exploit the 'caring family' angle and get the girl to side with him and Stella to a lesser extent while also planning to kill Stolas… The only issue with that is Octavia barely liked anything at all. She had no friends, no grand social life to speak of, and her interest in her family affairs was little to none on a good day. He once questioned Stella about her, but the only response he got was, 'Of course, we can do what we want. All girls love their mommies'. Which meant Stella was even more up her own ass than he could assume, perhaps even more than Paimon himself.
However, something rather recent came into mind. A little crack within Octavia's hardened shell presented itself. Iruma Suzuki... the human boy in hell.
Yes, for your information, Andrealphus liked to be up-to-date. So many interesting inventions and avenues to explore and exploit, so many tidbits of information to use. And what information it was. Mortal souls being summoned to earth? A human who survived threat after threat? IMPS using Stolas's grimoire to illegally enter earth to kill humans? Angels being capable of DEATH!? Oooh, so much information to abuse and exploit for his own gain.
But the most important piece of information at the moment was the chink in Octavia's cold exterior. The girl, whose only care in life was star gazing, angst music, and her father, suddenly felt the sting of love and romance for the first time, the drama with her parents making her seek comfort in what many believed to be a useless creature.. a human. Not even a sinner, a regular human child.
A mortal soul, capable of being owned by multiple sinners, somehow capable of making bonds with those one wouldn't expect to be capable of bonding, and armed with the power to kill the angels themselves... There was potential seething here. The man could feel it.
But he was a patient demon. He cultivated the less-than-desirable amount of power he had and made the best out of it. If he wanted to capitalize on a mortal angel slayer, he needed to know if they were actually up to par with any future plans... So a test was in order. An indirect one that wouldn't implicate him in any case. One that required a delicate touch to brew up the most potent yet least traceable of storms …
"Time to call my hot bitch of a sister!" The woman was already trying to kill her husband. Her daughter's boyfriend shouldn't be too hard to convince her.
Stolas smiled brightly as he showed off a line. "Well, what do you think?" To some, buying an entire line of dresses for your daughter's first date may have been overkill. But not for THIS bird, no sir! He would do anything to make her first experience of love as magical and wonderful as it could ever be.
"…It's a bit much, isn't it?" Octavia asked with slight concern.
"Nonsense, darling. You only have one first date, after all. It's a spark that can only exist once." Stolas smiled fondly at his and Blitz's first time in the bedroom. "And with your first, and hopefully only, love."
"I meant that these dresses seem a bit... fancy." She noted. "I was hoping for something more... casual?"
"Casual." He blinked. "Isn't the boy always in a suit of sorts?"
"Because that radio bastard is always forcing him to dress up," Octavia muttered. "If Iruma wasn't so nice, I'd just knock that dear fucker's head off."
"Probably a bad idea." He noted. "Without holy weapons, he'd just reform and go back to taking his newfound anger out on the child …" Stolas stroked his chin. "Would it be in bad taste to ask for the number of the assassin your mother hired?"
"... " Octavia stared at him in disbelief. "Dad… this is the bastard that crippled Iruma you're talking about."
"... Point taken." He nodded. Very bad taste.
"And that's not even going into that bitch that made the holy weapons to begin with," Octavia grumbled as she looked through the clothes. "Literally every other fucker wants to wrap a chain around the only good person in hell, and now he's working for no benefit at that tacky Hazbin Hotel."
"I think it was called the Happy Hotel.."
"Not the point." Octavia sighed. "I just earned his trust again, and I don't want it to break again."
"Octavia, you have a sparkling heart." He reassured his daughter. "I really doubt it will be so easy to break that trust."
"My first kiss says otherwise."
"Again, just a misunderstanding on both your parts." Stolas responded back. "The two of you were bonded practically to the hip after the day in Loo Loo land. The stars often work in mysterious ways to bring us closer to those that complete our souls."
"Dad.." Her daughter sighed. "When you say that, are you talking about that asshole Blitzo as a reference?"
"The O is silent, and yes."
"I …" Octavia grumbled as she gritted her hands, finding a sparkly purple short-sleeved dress shirt. "Dad, no offense, but... You don't exactly have the best track record for this." She waved to him in his entirety.
"No, I have the best track record for dating." He smiled. "I don't have the best track record for hiding my dates."
"Dad I… " Octavia muttered. "Never mind."
"No, go ahead, proceed with what you're thinking," Stolas reassured. "My daughter is never afraid to speak her mind, and I don't expect you to stop now."
"Alright, you asked for it." Octavia sighed. "... You're not in a relationship. You're just a sugar daddy to a red prick."
"What?" He blinked. "No, that's not right. Blitzy and I have an equal relationship filled with love... you know, besides the fact I'm still married." Stolas would break it off... but Andrepheus's eyes on his little starlight …
"Have you actually said 'I love you'?"
"Multiple times." He nodded.
"And has he said it back?"
"… I mean, we're only just starting out…" Stolas sweated a little.
"Dad, aside from him shacking up with you once a month… do you spend any time together?" His daughter pointed out.
"Well... he has a job." He looked away. "So I wait for him to call me …" He didn't want to interrupt his business too much. "Or I call him. And after each night of fornication, we have plenty of bed talk afterward.."
"Okay, that's enough." She shook her head. "I'm just... I don't want to mess this up. I already own Iruma's soul. That kind of power imbalance is kind of hard to ignore no matter what." Octavia sighed. "I mean, it's weird for you and Blitzo, right?"
"… I want to tell you a little secret, but you have to promise not to get grossed out by it."
"...Dad.." She rolled he eyes.
"Promise me, Starlight." He pressed.
".. Fine, but don't make it a weird sex story."
He took a breath. "In order to make Blitzy feel powerful, I give him power... in bed." He explained, pushing down the specifics. "Maybe you could... try something similar. But more PG, of course!" He may have no issues with the human child, but he didn't want grandchildren anytime soon. "Let HIM engage you, stroke his ego just a little boost in confidence, maybe a pet name or two."
Octavia looked like she was considering it. "... Well, most of his life was being controlled... so it's not the worst idea in the world." He was helping his daughter! Yay! "Alright, I guess I can give that try."
"Let me know the details." He smiled. Her mood had been so good these days. It really contrasted-
"OCTAVIA!!!" Stella's voice shouted from within the mansion. Given how used Stolas was to her screams, he was guessing she was marching from her room.
"I'll portal you to Pentagram City." He waved his hands and opened a small gateway. "I'll handle your mother."
"Thanks, Dad... I'm... I'm glad you're still here for me."
He held in a squeal of joy as he warped her into a private bathroom within the city so she could still change her clothing as she saw fit. Now for the hard part of being a dad. "You, imp fucker!" Stella marched into the room with a slam of the door. "Your horrible taste has infected our daughter!"
"Oh, you actually remember you have one for once. What a shock." Stolas scoffed.
"Now she's lowering her standards and dating a FUCKING MORTAL!" She screeched. "It's already embarrassing enough being stuck with you, I do NOT need this shit too!"
"I'm the one stuck with your naggy voice, so pardon our daughter if she wishes to escape your incessant bitching!"
"Our daughter LOVES me, despite putting up with your pathetic ass! Now where the fuck is she so I can FIX this fucking mistake!?"
"Like I tell you." Stolas glared. "She's already seventeen, and she's free to make her own choices in life, a luxury I'm proud she has so she doesn't end up being stuck with someone like you."
"We'll fucking see about that." The woman slammed the door shut, her footsteps echoing out... every day, it felt like he needed more and more to deal with the headaches she caused.
Vaggie rubbed her head as she was reaching for the cup of booze. "Fuck.. why… why.."
"Told you you would need it." Husk deadpanned as she poured it out.
"I shouldn't need it.." She was an angel. Fallen or not, she shouldn't even have the temptation to drink alcohol. "And yet it's my only way out.."
"Welcome to the wonderful world of non-sobriety." Angel Dust downed his tenth shot of the day. "So let me know if I'm reading this right. The princess is arguing with the IMP about how to raise a kid while ALSO lecturing them on why murder is wrong?"
"Murder is what brings people together and makes us money. Why would we ever get rid of something as beautiful as that?" The tall imp questioned, and suddenly, Vaggie only felt HALF the crippling shame and guilt about killing demons. Sinners, yes, but hellborn were just as terrible as she assumed they were. They were baring Charlie, of course.
"You're ending their lives prematurely, denying them the chance of getting into heaven!" Charlie shouted back.
"Puh-lease doll face, if the people we kill end up in hell, then that means they weren't on the right path tah begin with." The girl imp shook her head. "That's why we get hired by sinners to begin with."
"And what about the people that end up in heaven?" Her girlfriend continued.
"Then they're getting rewarded for dying. Win-win." The tall one nodded.
"You're separating them from their loved ones!"
"That's why we have a 'kids die for free' option for those that don't want to keep a living family apart." The tall one waved off. "It worked out for the cannibal family we killed."
"... Charlie." Vaggie raised her spear. "One word, I end them."
"Oh, I love ta see yah try, moth bitch!" The lady imp took out the axe.
"Ladies, ladies, no need to fight." The shrimpy imp chuckled nervously. "Your majesty, I know our line of duty can be… distasteful for some, but the majority of the clients we kill are horrible people. Cheaters, rapists, human traffickers, we've killed many of those."
"Do you even have anyone who can back up your claims?" Vaggie questioned.
"I can," Iruma spoke as he walked in. "Most of them kind of employed me, so... yeah." Charlie winced regretfully.
"Wow, so the little boy likes his murder family?" Angel Dust smirked.
"Well, I actually don't like murder, but since I hate the job, Alastor lets me hang out with them and away from him." Iruma clarified. "Plus, as bad as they were for a while... they've also saved me a bunch of times. Like how Blitz set me on fire, which got me away from a girl that used one of my triggers to try to have sex with me." What the fuck was wrong with earth!?
"You're welcome, bud." The tall imp patted him on the back. "Now remember, always keep your holes guarded around birds. And have fun on that date of yours."
"Sir, that is very crass advice to give a young boy on his first date!" The shrimpy one yelled.
"Can ya tell me I'm wrong to say it when it's a legit concern? This is Stolas's daughter we're talking about."
"I'm sure she has more class than that," Charlie spoke up before turning to Iruma. "Does she?"
"She did run out into the extermination to find and confess her love to me, so I'm going to say yes." The boy nodded fondly. "The closest we've physically done together is hugging and kissing, so I think I'm safe there, even if Valentino shows up again."
"Wait, you met Valentino?" Angel Dust asked.
"Why yes." Alastor let himself be known, grinning from the sidelines. "The young boy here has quite the habit of getting into scuffles with the Vs. Quite entertaining to watch them be baffled and suffer in their own fields of experience."
"That.. that can't be fucking possible.." The spider grumbled. "The kid should be dead right now."
"Well, apparently, he tried to send hookers after me, but I don't know why... then he grabbed my throat and threatened to do stuff before shooting me in the skull, then Octavia punched him so hard his body broke in half."
"I loved that episode!" Nifty cackled. "Makes me wish I found that top half and pinned the moth to my wall, where I could stab him over and over and over and over.."
They all stared at the little psycho. "... If she wasn't a sinner, I would TOTALLY recommend her for my company." Blitz grinned. "She's got the same fire as Mills."
"Really not helping my reassurance meter here.." Charlie grumbled. "Iruma, I'm sure you'll have nothing to worry about on your date. You just gotta be yourself."
"His 'self' is a walking doormat that can't ever say no," Angel called out. "The fact he's still a Virgin is a miracle of which only god would know.
"Crass as the bastard is, he isn't wrong." Husk nodded. "The number of times it almost happens is very disturbing."
"Which is why I'm going to give you my tot the best advice you'll ever hear in hell." The red-imp lady nodded as she leaned in. "...Ditch the girl and never date anyone til ya twenty. You're still my baby, and you can't get corrupted yet!"
"Lady," Husker spoke up. "If he survived the wild at seven, you can't really count him as a baby."
"I can, and I will!" The imp hugged the boy's head. "He's my little feral angel-killing tot."
"Millie, we've been over this, Iruma had the right to date whoever he wants!" Moxxie called out, trying to pry the woman off.
"He won't date anyone, and he'll be my little tot forever!" Millie cried out as she was yanked away.
"Weird," Iruma noted. "Your advice sounds exactly like how Rin got together in First Love Memories."
"Is that the name of a yuri erotica? 'Cause I may have a copy," Angel cackled as he drank a bottle of booze. Seriously, the bar was just a horrible idea, even if Vaggie found it useful for drowning out the idiocy.
"It was the manga series I edited back in Japan. When they were short on money, they gave me copies of it for free." He smiled fondly. "They were the one book that made me feel so warm on the inside that I didn't toss them into the campfire for kindling."
"I'm more surprised you learned how to read at all in that kind of environment," Moxxie muttered.
"It helped pick up sales." The kid shrugged. "You know how much it costs for a portable tent so you can sleep outside when your parents rent your room out?"
"Getting sad again.." Charlie shook her head. "Iruma, you're sweet, helpful, and you have determination in spades, Octavia is lucky to be dating someone like you. A relationship like that really only comes once in a place like hell." She rested her hands on his shoulder.
"Is that how it is for you and Vaggie?" Iruma turned his head over to her
"Yep. We also bonded during extermination... or more like the aftermath of one." Charlie added.
"Yeah… She found me when I was at my lowest point.." Because her people betrayed her... because angels were deranged... because heaven was cruel and unforgiving. "Look, kid, I'm not the best at touchy-feely advice. In fact, I'm still kind of trying to figure it all out for myself." She looked to Charlie, to the demon… no, to the woman that gave her so much when she had something. "But what I can tell you is this. The best thing you can do for that girl is to show her and prove that you'll always be there for her. When she's feeling high or low, through the dark times or the light, just knowing that someone's there for you… it can make all the difference in one's life."
"So just... be there?" He asked.
"Exactly. Be there, be open, be honest. Follow that, and you should have no problems.
"Yeah, yeah, I can do that." He nodded with a small smile. "I'm always an open book. And it's not like I have anything to do today."
"Oh, Iruma, would you please be a dear and take out the garbage? Nifty's currently battling an army of man-eating termites and could use your exquisite assistance."
"… How do I keep jinxing myself in hell?" He grumbled as he walked away, Charlie and Millie sharing a glare at the talk show shitlord.
"That's petty even for you, Al." Husk groaned.
"You always say that, dear Husker. All I want is the simple, understandable goal of breaking the child so far that he can't even process what it means to be happy ever again. Extermination was so close... oh well, there's always next year." The bastard hummed as he skipped away.
"I am going to murder that dear fucker one of these days," Millie grumbled. "Mox, did we save that holy bullet.. or any of the angelic weapons?"
"No, we gave them all to Carmilla Carmine… I still can't believe I actually met her… oh crumbs, I couldn't even get words to form out!" The shrimpy imp called out.
"Ain't that a holy spear?" The tall imp asked. "You could always use that to stab the dear fucker."
"Trust me, I would.." Vaggie called out. "If I attack the bastard, he'll just order the kid to jump in front of him. Until we work around it, no dice."
"Fine then... alright, Mils, your kid's been warned about hellbies. Can we get the fuck out of here now? This Hazbin Hotel stinks of sinner shit."
"Were the Happy Hote-"
"Don't give a shit bitch!"
"One day… one fucking day, I'll end them all..." Vaggie sighed.
"Awww." Charlie gave her that look that was too sweet for words. "You were giving advice and opening up…"
"Just helping the kid out..." Vaggie rolled her eyes with a smirk. "He's the least annoying staff member and the only man that doesn't make me want to carve out their junk."
"Is that because he doesn't have any junk ta begin with?" Angel snickered. "Cause either he's chopped them off a long time ago, or he's a better crossdresser than me, and that ain't ever happening."
"You'd be surprised," Millie said as she walked away.
"... Wait, what does that mean?" The man got no answer. "... Fuckin crazy life." The sinner grumbled. "Hey, Husk, another shot."
"Not this early in the mornin'. Cutting you off."
"You can't do that to me, ya dick!"
"Can and will. Bartender, remember." The cat demon responded as he drained a bottle.
"What the fuck about you then!?"
"I ain't the one getting redeemed here." He stated. "I'm just here for the reasons the kid is. Owned soul without any choice in the matter."
"... It's not... THAT common," Charlie stated. "There's no good reason to give up your soul... is there?"
Husk blinked. "... You're a fuckin dumbass, you know that?" Vaggie growled at that, but he continued anyway. "We live in a violent society where everyone can, and probably will, backstab you metaphorically and literally, without any supervision. The only two ways to live is to be good enough to thrive at the top or live under the protection and assured words of whoever the fuck your slave owner is."
"Asshole ain't wrong." Angel groaned. "Valentino practically has a tramp stamp on every down-on-their-luck bitch and bastard out there. He's got a good mill or so underneath him. He just keeps stuffed in a closet for a 'rainy day." The spider smirked. "Of course, some of us are sexy enough to move ourselves up into high places despite that. Like Moi, the most famous actor in all of hell."
"Yeah, cause who cares if you're on a leash if you have a golden dog bowl?" Husk rolled his eyes. "Then you can live the rest of your immortal life in denial." The drug-addicted sinner flipped him off.
"So …" Charlie looked down. "Everyone I'm trying to save is forced to listen to someone else?"
"If it's any consolation, Nifty isn't under any contract." Husk waved off.
"The termites made friends with spiders!"
"MORE VICTIMS TO MY SCRAPBOOK!"
"...I didn't think I could be more afraid of the girl... But I am." Angel began walking backward.
"... I'm just gonna ... Find the nearest radio... and listen in on Iruma's date just in case…" Charlie muttered. "Things go wrong."
"Surprised you're not going to spy on the kid directly." Vaggie chuckled.
"Please, I'm protective, but I'm not that overprotective." Charlie waved. "I can't imagine the obsessive type of people who have nothing better to do than keep an eye on someone twenty-four-seven and feel the need to dictate his life."
Loona wanted to slap herself for agreeing to help the woman who had nothing better to do than stalk a teenager 24/7 and felt the need to dictate every aspect of his life. How the fuck did she get to this point? "Okay, I got Blitz to distract Moxxie. We have about three hours before Moxxie realizes where I am and tries to talk me out of this."
"Remind me how you talked me into this?" The hellhound asked the imp.
"I offered to pay for your booze for the next week." Right, that was always a good way to get on Loona's side. "Now then, we gotta make sure she doesn't do anything too forward with the boy. Huggin', kissin', hand holdin'."
"They've done the first two so fucking much already." Loona raised an eyebrow.
"Which is why she's a dirty whore." Millie glared with a resolute look. "First, she becomes his friend, then she steals his soul, and now she's seduced him into going on a date! She's no better than that radio fucker making his life miserable!"
"Except the girl just wants to kiss him, and the radio demon LITERALLY ate his pancreas," Loona called out. She had no strong opinions about Octavia… but a small part of her did feel sympathetic to her shitty parental life and how much Blitz screwed her over without even a care. "For fucks sake, he trusted her before he began trusting you. You sure this isn't just your mommy complex getting jealous?"
"If that was the case, I would've started stabbing the princess at that tacky hotel for taking my baby away for three days."
"First off, you couldn't stab her if you tried. She's just waaaay too much of a pansy to do anything to you." Loona pointed out. "Second, pretty sure the moth bitch would stab you even if you thought about getting in close.
"She could try." Millie cackled. "And she'd lose… hard."
"... Anyway, they're meeting up now if you wanna focus on that nonsense." Loona pointed out, ignoring the crazy bitch in favor of focusing on the two lovebirds, the one that was actually a bird walking up to the front gate, where the kid met her. A date with a princess after a kiss from a succubus... good for the kid... Real... good for him.
"Octavia, you're here... and... whoa..." The kid looked to the Goetia, who wore a sparkly purple shirt that looked like shining stars, a leather jacket over it, and a matching silky skirt.
"Yeah, Dad got me waaay too many options. I tried picking the most casual …" She blushed. "Do you like it?"
"Yeah, it really matches you." Iruma grinned. "You're like... a walking star that's always shining ..."
"Oh… thanks..." The bird girl blushed. "I mean, I just threw this together. I'm really just lucky it came out as good as it did." Wow, this girl was bad at flirting. Made Loona feel less bad about her attempts with Vortex.
"I mean, that's better than me. If it weren't for Alastor, I wouldn't even have any fashion sense." The kid assured.
"Oh, they can't be that bad. Name me an idea for a shirt you'd like to wear."
Iruma took a thinking pose before snapping his finger. "A shirt that says... shirt."
"... Even you can't say the radio demon didn't do him a favor on that end." Loona deadpanned.
"My baby is cute no matter what he wears!" Millie shouted.
"Did you hear something?" Octavia turned her head.
"That's either Husk and Angel yelling at each other again, or my echo broke for real this time," Iruma noted, turning back to the hotel. "I'd invite you inside, but Alastor's in there, and I barely escaped the termites as is."
"I'm... sorry about what he does to you," the bird girl said sadly. "I tried asking my dad, but short of actually killing the bastard with holy weapons, his hands are tied."
"It's fine, Octavia. The fact I have people in my life who care about me is still something I'm struggling to accept." Iruma smiled. "And he's apparently promised Rosie not to break my bones or mutilate me anymore, so I only have to worry about psychological torture now."
"... You are such a ball of sunshine and determination. You know that?" The girl smiled. "So, what do you wanna do first? You can choose, Iruma... kun?"
"Iruma-kun?" The boy tilted his head.
"Was trying to think up a cute nickname," Octavia admitted. "And I've read one or two things about honorifics, and kun was a pretty common one you call someone you think is cute and close and… I'm rambling… aren't I?"
"She's reading up on his culture to study up on him," Millie growled. "She's trying to manipulate him..."
"Or she's just being thoughtful and respecting where he comes from?" Seriously, how fucked was it that she was being the reasonable one here?
"No… it's… it's been a while since I've heard someone use honorifics… it reminds me of Japan… the good parts about it anyway." Iruma chuckled. "Thank you… Via-chan."
The bird girl blushed wildly, a large smile on her face. "Great, thank you. That's an adorable name."
"Thanks... First time I've ever given one to anyone… you know, since I didn't have friends to give them to."
"Well, now you have me, so good for you…" The two laughed at each other a bit brokenly as they stood in place for a second. "You… wanna start walking?"
"Yeah, yes, yes, that's good. Very good…" Iruma nodded as Octavia looked like she wanted to reach out her hand, the appendage awkwardly waving around. "...You… want to hold hands?"
"I.. yes, I- Well, if… if you're .. if you want to hold hands…" Octavia held her hand out before the two of them held it. "... Soft and warm as always."
"You're definitely warmer... Your feathers are probably softer than my skin, right?"
"I mean, I'd… make a pillow out of it... NOT that I would, since that would hurt you, and it'd be awkward and …gah…" The bird slapped her forehead.
This was so annoying. Loona could almost smell the awkwardness... and gunpowder? "Millie, stop trying to shoot the birdy," she told the imp without looking.
"Firearms are Moxxie's specialty, not mine." Millie pointed to her axe. "I chop the bitches up close and personal."
"Then stop fucking him twenty-four seven, you reak of the stuff." Lonna covered her nose. "It's practically…"
Click
Her ears twitched as she looked above her. A sniper rifle—one glowing with angelic weaponry—was pointed right at the two. "Millie, give me that axe and move."
"Wha-"
"NOW!" She shoved the imp-
BANG
SHINK
"Fuckin hell!" A country-sounding voice yelled out.
"What the- Striker!" Millie called out
"Oh, if it ain't you bitches." The imp smirked. "Should have expected running into you lot." He got up, cracking his back with absolute nonchalance in his body language. "I don't suppose you'd be willin' to let me do my job?"
"After crippilin' my tot?" The imp asked with a glare.
"Oh, right... then you're really gonna hate me killin' him." He grinned as he started runnin'. "Runt should've taken my offer to kill the radio demon earlier 'cause now I've gotten paid to clean slate, so to speak!"
"Are you fucking kidding me!?" Millie screamed as they ran after him. "Someone paid this creep to do the job!?"
"Do you even know HOW many people Iruma pisses off!?" Loona shot back. "His first month in hell was half spent pissing off all the V's! It's more like who DOESN'T want to kill him here!"
"Stop yappin' and start running. We're NOT letting this bastard get away this time!" The things she did for these people... seriously, the booze wasn't worth it. Just to watch the kid get chummy with a girl... Her only friend was getting chummy with somebody else… Gah, she really needed a life outside the office. She was starting to go crazy!
Iruma thought he was doing great, but now he wasn't so sure. "Um, should we go for taxidermy?" he asked.
"I... If that's what you want..." Octavia spoke with a slightly nervous tone. That's basically what was going on for the past ten minutes. When they were talking at the gate, the conversation was going fine, but afterward, Octavia didn't seem to give him clear answers or responses. She was usually very direct with what she wanted, but now HE had to be in charge of how it went.
She even started walking slowly so that he was walking ahead of her, which felt a little off, given that her arms were way longer. It kind of felt like pulling her by a leash, which REALLY rubbed him the wrong way. "We can also... check out a library …"
"Yeah... that sounds good too …" She nodded quickly, again deflecting a clear answer. Vaggie's advice was to be there for her, but how could you be there for her without knowing what she needed?! Was this some kind of sign? Did she want him to ask something more specific? Why couldn't he read minds? That would make things SO much easier!
"… So …" he asked awkwardly. What's been going on with you?" Although he read about these situations in his manga, it never actually explained how to START one of those conversations! Fiction did not prepare him for this! "Like, what did you do this week?"
"Oh... I spent most of the day before in the garden replanting all the plants Mom threw out the window with Dad… Hehehehe. It was kind of funny, actually." Finally, non vague answers! "One of them bit her in the leg, so she started complaining for about two hours, even though it didn't even pierce the skin. She has NO outdoor skills whatsoever."
Iruma chuckled. "Man, two hours without piercing the skin? I've got scars on my bones that I've complained less about. She's either super sheltered, or she just hates plants." It wasn't much of a picture, but it was clear Stolas was probably the better parent in his eyes. He's way better than his own, that's for sure.
"Bit of both but more of the former. Mom's the living embodiment of self-entitled." Octavia grinned. "Then dad started feeding some of her clothes to the plants, and mom accused him of training them to kill her when she's the one that literally hired an assassin to kill him."
"...I know morality is subjective in hell, but... I feel like that doesn't click at all." Iruma stated.
"It really doesn't, but she's just that self-absorbed." She chuckled. "I imagine that the fights are even worse with parents as bad as yours."
"No, not really," Iruma noted. "They never fought once. And about eighty percent of the time I saw them, they held hands or hugged whenever they didn't leave their clothes on the ground in the living room and spent twelve hours in their bedroom."
"... Is it possible to have a toxically loving couple that are bad parents?" Now, Octavia was the confused one. "They can spend all that time loving each other, but not you?"
"I was just their money maker, nothing more, nothing less." Iruma sighed. "Honestly, if I hadn't read the first love memories as much as I did, I probably would've assumed all love was like that." He was pretty sure he was getting close to thinking like that, too. "I think the closest thing they understood to loving a child was loving a dog that played fetch. I did stuff for them, and they paid me in head pats."
"Well, you don't need to pay me for that." She rubbed his hair with her soft hands. Feathers really were the best. It was like how Emily gave him warmth at night. Wait, was that why he was so comfortable with Octavia so quickly? Was that something to think deeply about? Eh, why question happiness now? "So, how do I rank on your 'nice meter'?" Octavia asked teasingly.
"Really high, right up to the top. There's also Charlie, Husk, Emily, Rosie, Millie, Loona …" He blinked. "You know, weird thing. Every female cannibal I met has a habit of calling me bluebird." Iruma said to the bird person.
"Bluebird, huh..." Octavia leaned down and looked him over. "Well, it's not hard to imagine why. You're small and adorable, and everyone feels the need to protect it."
"Really? Everyone?" He gave her a questioning look.
"Most smart and moral people feel the need to protect it."
"That makes more sense." He nodded, giving her a look. "... Doesn't... that get exhausting? Knowing that you have to look out for me?"
"Iruma, you looked after yourself when you were a literal fucking baby. I don't think looking after you every now and then is that bad of a thing." She said sternly before freezing. "I mean, it's your choice in the end, but those are just my thoughts."
There it was again. "You're usually more straight when you talk." He pointed out. "Am... am I doing something wrong here?"
"What, no, I just... well, it's... it's your choice. I want everything to be your choice." Octavia shook her head.
"But aren't relationships supposed to be equal?" He asked. "You know, being there for-" Iruma pulled back …
Wizzz
Right as a bullet went by where his head once was. "... I can't tell if that was bad timing for most of my life or good timing for breaking the awkward mood," Iruma noted.
"Heya twirp!" A familiar country-sounding voice shouted as they looked up. "Hate to break up the sappy moment, but I ain't!"
"STRIKER!?" Iruma yelled.
"What the heck is he doing here now?" Octavia shouted with an angry look.
Wait a second. He tried to kill Stolas. Stolas said Stella hired him... "Octavia, I think your mom's trying to kill you!" He couldn't believe it.
"Maybe I am, maybe I'm not. Either way, I don't mind shooting two birds with one bullet right now. The client didn't say anything about preventing casualties!" The bastard imp reloaded. "Now, if you please stand still and shut your yaps so it's easier for me to shoot you dead!" Oh great, now he had to-
CRACK
"OH FUCKIN HELL!"
Wait, was that Loona?!
"FUCKING BITCH!" Said Hellhound shouted, tackling Striker to the ground as he tried stabbing the hellhound. "Birdy! Either punch his face or grab the kid and run. I don't care which!"
"Got it!" Octavia nodded as she picked him up and began running. "Hold on, Iruma, this'll probably get bumpy!" She shouted as they started getting into the more crowded streets of hell.
Okay, this was good, this was good, they just put more distance between them and- Oh, fuck, there was a knife coming at them! He needed to warn Octavia it was coming. He needed- Gah, he still couldn't speak! It was coming right at her-
Chink
"... You know." Iruma started, and the shock apparently took out that command. "I fully expected to lose this arm pushing your head out of the way." He noted, looking over the holy gauntlet he completely forgot about, having formed into a fully made shield that completely covered them.
"Whoa… did you know it could do that?" Octavia stared at it with wide eyes.
"I forgot I even had this thing." He spoke as it vanished back into that cross on his arm. "I was kind of running on instinct during the extermination, and I really don't know what it really- Laso! LASO!" He warned.
"Fuck, you're worse to wrangle in than a hell horse on speed!" Striker yelled. "Can't you do all of us a favor and just fucking die already!?"
"NEVER!" Millie (she was here too!?) screamed as she tried to cut off his head, slicing up his rope, before Striker grabbed her face and slammed her into a wall, leaving his backside open to Loona's claws.
"GAAA! BITCH!"
"You're the one trying to off a tot for money. You don't get to complain!"
"YOU ASSHOLES OFF KIDS FOR FREE, HYPOCRITICAL CUNT!"
Octavia continued running with Iruma in her arms. "...Wow." He smiled. "We're really lucky to run into those two through the entire city."
"Yeah… lucky." Octavia rolled her eyes for some reason.
"I still think Millie's a bit overbearing… but... I like that she's at least trying to be there." Iruma looked back, and the sight of Loona and Millie beating up Striker started fading. "... Also, she didn't hire assassins to kill me, so I think I'm starting to hate your mom."
"Then my dad's going to love you even more." Octavia chuckled as they kept running. "... Should I put you down now or..?"
"No… I… I like this…" He rubbed his face against her feathers. "It's definitely a highlight of my day so far."
"Triiil..." Octavia blushed, eyes wide as they ran.
"..Did you purr?" Iruma tilted his head with a small smile. "It's really cute." This date was turning out pretty spectacular.
Octavia gently placed the boy down. "Alright, we're on the other side of the city now." She said. "That cowboy either followed us the entire way because of the broadcast, or he got taken down by Millie and Loona." Who were spying on her date for... somewhat obvious reasons. Reasons she didn't particularly have to be happy about.
"If the last encounter is anything to go by, he doesn't like being overwhelmed, so he might escape." Iruma sighed. "I mean, he beat Moxxie and Millie up individually, but he ran when Blitz and Millie were in the same room."
"And you bit off his tail, if I recall correctly," Octavia recalled. The jaw strength in that mouth must've been something… it made her feel a bit tingly on the inside.
"Don't remind me, tasted like loan shark." Iruma gagged. "Really sorry about that-"
"What are you apologizing for?" Octavia grinned. "You're like the most innocent person out of this. Heck, you're the innocent one in all of hell."
"Well... I should have been there for you, but you were there for me instead." He sighed. "You carried me out of the way. You do a lot for me..."
"Because you've done a lot for me, Iruma." Octavia placed her right palm on his face. "I'd still be at my house, listening to music all alone while mom and dad argue if I hadn't met you... just you being here and talking to me is doing so much more than most people ever would."
"But… but I'm just being nice..."
"Something that most people in hell aren't." Octavia shook her head, grabbing his hands and intertwining her fingers with his own. "Because, you know, this is the place where assholes and serial killers go. But you're just... this kind little light. You… You really are like a little bluebird... Innocent… Kind... Gentle. And you bring a smile to my face every time I see you."
"..." His entire face was flush, looking positively happy yet embarrassed. "Octavia... can I ask if something's bothering you?" He asked. "I want to help, but you kind of kept just going along at times instead of offering your own opinion." Ah... that.
"Well... between the contract, the difference in class, and the fact you never really got much control of your life... I thought it might be best to let you take charge. You know, make decisions for others for a change. Be in control?"
"Oh..." Iruma nodded slowly. "...I..well… thank you for that… you're going so out of your way to consider my feelings… hehehe... I feel a bit lost for words..."
"Just… say what's on your mind, Iruma." She reassured. "You can always be honest with me."
"I know... and I love that I can…" He chuckled. "Truth is... I… I don't really know HOW to have control of my life... I usually just follow what other people tell me…"
"Oh... I'm sorry…" She should have thought of that. Of course, it would be uncomfortable.
"Don't be… it can't be helped." He nodded. "I know how to survive... and I'm now finally learning how to be happy." He smiled. "So I don't mind you showing me how to do so… and I'd trust you... You're smart, you know so many things about the stars, you're passionate about taxidermy, and your eyes sparkle every time there's a skip in your step. Most of the time, when I'm with you, I have my calmest and safest moments in hell. So… being with you… is… knowing that I'm safe and comfortable anywhere…"
She stopped him as she gave him another kiss, a shorter one this time, no matter how much she wanted to make it last. "Then… how about we get some ice cream and watch the sunncanoes set over the horizon?"
"That sounds nice." He smiled as he held her hand. "..Oh, ah, sorry, got jumpy…"
"No, no... It's okay... It's nice…" She reassured. "... This entire day would have been a LOT less awkward if we had been honest at the start, probably."
"Honestly, I just kind of assume everyone knows what I say all the time at this point." Iruma joked.
"And I expect everyone to just ignore what I say most of the time…" She grinned. "Guess we're both a little helpless there."
"I guess we are." He grinned right back, resting his head against her arm as they walked together. It felt... lovely.
He held her hand first. He was comfortable around her… She made him happy… That was nice... Now, all he needed to do was stick his tongue down her beak while they caressed- Octavia blinked for a few moments... Where the fuck did that come from?