Harley nodded at their diagram. "You know Babsy, I'm finally understanding the appeal of math class." It helps plan out the perfect trajectory of how to ram a shopping cart full of stolen food out of a mall at maximum velocity. "Now we can ride through the streets of Gotham at top speed!"
"Wow, you guys must have a really big allowance to get all this food." Iru cutely grinned as he was buried underneath all the goodies that they had gotten for him.
"Thank Harely, she's the one that got it all." Babsy grinned.
"Yep, 'Bought it' fair 'n square." She chuckled, "And I'm finally convincin' Babsy my ways the good way." All she needed now was to get her friends to see how cool Joker was.
"This was purely for the sake of Iruma, and because that grocery manager was a jerk." Barbra muttered butterfly. "I was going to pay for all ten boxes of Bat O's, who cares if I'm tearing through all the boxes for the stuffed bat mite prize inside when it already practically on technicality belongs to me!"
"Exactly!" Food always tastes sweeter when you stole it with the people you love.
"So, you guys ready to eat all this with me?" Iru asked.
"… Iruma." Babsy started. "This is two weeks worth of food."
"And I don't have a fridge to store it in, nor a microwave to heat it up." Iruma noted.
"...Dang it, I knew we were overlooking something." Barbra muttered. "And I was excited for the bat shaped Nuggets too."
"It's fine. When you get food, you eat it to store it for later. That's how you avoid hunger." Iru grinned.
"No, we can still work with this." Harley began rubbing her head, before pulling in Babsy for her brilliant idea. "So, hows about we go out an pilfer ourselves a refrigerator?"
"Harleen." Babsy said in her disappointed tone. "Food is one thing, but a refrigerator … a working refrigerator is an entirely different matter of both bigger bulk and security. We would be physically incapable of moving it. Especially with tiny kid arms." Babsy pointed to her own. "Sure, I'm strong, agile, fast, super smart, and more capable than the average kid and I definitely deserve to be Batman's sidekick, but I'm not looking to be a miracle worker here."
"Aww, and it would've been a fun heist too." Harley pouted. "I was thinking something with lasers and matching outfits with bells and whistles all over."
"Why would you wear bells?" Iruma asked. "They just signal people you're nearby."
"Bells are super fun." She chuckled. "And they're objectively cool."
"Eh, I say they're only mildly cool at best.." Babsy waved her hand in the middle.
"Oooh, you mean like how Bats are only kind of cool at best?" Harely teased with a mischievous grin.
"Bats are awesome!"
"Bats are kind of rancid and weak." Iru said bluntly. "They barely have meat on them, so they're not filling."
"Haahaa, I'm winning, Barbabebelbel! If the little blue bean sees the truth, then you must admit it!" Harely cackled.
"Never! I'll get him to see the light someday and show him, no, show the world the awesome might of bats!"
"So, what game are we playing after we eat?" Iru asked as he opened up a box of crackers. "Guess the brightly colored stain? Skip the shards of broken glass across the river?"
"Oooh, how about a game of guess the crime scene?!" Babsy grinned.
"I'm more into smash the glass bottles on the ground." Harely chuckled a s she took out a soda. "Although another game is coming to mind." She shook the soda can violently, and tied it to the handle of the grocery cart, before jumping into the pile with Iru still in it. "Better hold on to ya bat ears Babsy, we're about to hit mock speed!"
"Mock wha-"
BASSSSSHHHHHHHHH!
And their grocery cart began flying through the air and slamming into the sidewalk, where they began rolling down the hill at top speed. "Oooh, you meant Mach Speed, I get it!" Babsy chuckled as she hung off from the side of the cart.
"Wow, we're moving so fast!" Iru cheered loudly.
"Yeah we are!" Harley grinned.
"So how do we steer this thing!?" He shouted.
"That's the fun part, we don't!" The girl exclaimed.
"Wait what!?" Iru screamed as they ran through wooden planks and a fire hydrant, still keeping the pace they were at.
"Don't worry Iruma, I have the perfect steering mechanism right here!" Babsy called out as she reached into her hoodie. "My new and and improved grappling hook!"
"What makes it better!?" Iru asked as they smashed through a moving truck full of feather pillows.
"It's one hundred percent guaranteed to hit the target I aim at 50 percent of the time!" She pulled the trigger … and the gun flew out of her hand. "… Too much recoil, too weak fingers."
"Don't worry Iru, we'll stop when we need to." Harley grinned as she leaned back and kicked her feet up. "So just enjoy the ride while it lasts."
"… Um, I do have one problem with enjoying the ride." He pointed forward … at the large amount of traffic with fast moving cars.
"Oh…" Harley slowly nodded, realizing she didn't have a plan for that. "...Yeah, this is the part where we should start screaming now."
"Cool, glad to have confirmation." Iru nodded.
"AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" They screamed as multiple cars zoomed by them.
"Don't worry, I played Dark night death metal twenty times over in the past month and I only crashed nineteen times, I can totally steer this!" Babsy' hopped to the front and leaned to the left. "Guys, you gotta lean with me or were going to become Gotham street pizza in a few seconds!"
"Wait, is that where the pizza I find on the ground comes from!?" Iru screeched. "Have I been eating people this entire time!? … I'm not entirely against it but Waylon says it's pretty bad so I'm kind of considering-"
"Not the time to think about this Iruma, just start leaning left!" They did so, the cart tilting and avoiding a car. "Now right!" Another car. "Now lean back to reduce speed!"
"I mean, maybe we can go a little longer-"
"I will wear white clown makeup for a weeks if you lean back, Leany beanie!" Babsy shouted.
"Best to end the ride before it gets too long anyways!" Harley cackled as all three of them gripped the handle of the cart and pressed their combined weight down. "Is it working!?"
"There's sparks flying behind us from the skid marks on the pavement!" Iru clarified.
"It's working enough! Now-" Babsy saw a truck coming from another road. "Speed up! Speed up!"
"We've lost too much speed already!" Harly called out.
"Then we need more speed!" Iruma called out as he took out a giant bottle of soda. "Harley, did you buy those white candies that make soda explode when you put them together!"
"No, but I got pop rocks, that should work!" Harley cackled as they poured them together. "And they said nothing good comes from buying candy!" She grinned as she pointed them ahead.
Pooooosh
The good news, they stopped going forward … bad news, they were now flying out of control backwards. "AAAAAHHHHH!" This was super fun but beyond terrifying on many levels.
"Stop right there!" An officer shouted … before getting hit and sent flying, not slowing them in the slightest.
"Sorry!" Babs shouted back. "I hope my dad wasn't too close with that guy."
"Eh, cops have had worse." Harley waved off.
"Yes!" Kite man shouted as he walked out of a bank. "Today, is the day Kiteman wins-" And they hit him next.
"Sorry!" Iruma shouted.
"Whhhyyyy!?" The man was ironically sent flying through the air, dropping all the money in his hands as it was sent flying throughout the city.
"Wow, we beat a bad guy without trying." Babsy noted. "We're awesome!"
"You think we should give him one of the cookies?" Iruma asked.
"Nah, he'll be fine. If they can get beaten up by Batman, then this shouldn't hurt them in the long run." Harley nodded. "On another note, we're still rolling down to our doom."
"We need to find some place to safely stop! Iruma, do you see anything!?" Barbra shouted.
"Bomb factory, chemical plant, highway full of cars!" Iruma shouted.
"For once Gotham being a big and dangerous city is a bad thing!" Barbra groaned.. "What if we crash in the lake!?"
"Which one? The one outside of Ace Chemicals or the one that leads to the swamp!?" Iruma asked.
"Oooh, I vote on Ace Chemical!" Harley raised her hand in excitement.
"Iruma eats enough garbage as it is, he doesn't need MORE chemical altercations!" Babsy shouted. "Swamp it is!"
"If that's the case, lean to the WAY WAY WAY left!" Iruma shouted as they all got to the side, spinning around a curve as they went flying out.
They continued to scream, zooming past cars and people as they approached the swamp. "Aim for the water!" Babsy shouted.
"Hold on!" Iruma shouted. "I'm going to save the food!"
"Iru, we kind of don't have time-!"
CHOMP
And in an instant ... all the food was gone, boxes and can's too … all down Iru's little stomach. "Okay I'm good, we can crash now."
"... You know, if anything the chemicals might improve the mess that's Iru's stomach." Harley noted.
"Again, talk about it later!" Babsy called out as the cart hit a rock, making them fly out of it and into the mucky water.
splassssh
"Blee, it's in my mouth." Harley winced, whipping off her tounge.
"Been a while since I've eaten some fresh algae." Iruma nodded as shook off some of the gunk. "Everyone okay?"
"My sense of vertigo is completely messed up and I think I got plankton in my ear, but other than that, I feel fine." Babsy shot out a thumbs out. "Whohoo! Yeah! We survived! Make way for the Gotham Trio!"
"Gotham trio!" Harley exclaimed.
"Gotham trio!" Iru cheered. "...That means three right?"
"Yes, yes it does." Babsy nodded. "We should really get you a dictionary or something one of these days."
"Booooring." Harley stuck her tongue out.
"Hey, who's entering my Swamp-" A familiar gravely voice called out as a grey body rose up from the water. "Oh, it's you two.." Waylon looked to Barbra. "Plus one."
"Gator man!" Babsy pointed out in shock.
"Hey Waylon!" Iruma waved. "Sorry for crashing here, we kind of went on an unintentional joy ride and had to stop somewhere safe."
"Riiiight …" He looked at the broken cart. "… You alright?"
"Not the worst crash I've taken. As long as a bone doesn't break I'm usually fine." Iru nodded.
"Yep, and a crash with friends is a crash you can always laugh about." She hugged her two besties in a swampy and gooey hug.
"Gator man!" Babsy shouted again.
"We already been through it Babsy, keep up." Harley chuckled. "Sorry Way-man, we're still catching her up."
"Eh, not the first time someone's freaked out over me, I'm used to it." The gator man shrugged as he began sinking down into the water. "Watch your step on the way out. The mud here can be worse than quick sand if you're not careful."
"Will do, thank you Waylon!" Iru waved as the guy left. "Nice man … alright, lets see what scrap metal we can get out of the cart." Iruma looked to it.
"Oooh, I can make an even BETTER grappling hook!" Babsy grinned
"Or we can make that extending punching glove I've always wanted." Harley giggled
"Or I can finally make that generator to keep the fan going during the summer." Iru smiled. "Or a cart to start carrying food at all times.
"Batarangs, I could begin making my own batarangs!"
"Spring shoes, the best and funnest way to get around!" So much fun and ingenuity to be had with friends.
Victor Fries slowly removed the frozen substance from it's confines … and placed it onto a cone. "One rocky road. Here you go little boy."
"Yay! Thank you!" Was it ironic for him to be selling ice cream when he was an ice themed villain… yes, yes, very much so, which was the point. Victor Fries has a… tenuous understanding with the Dark Knight as it was. He never considered himself a villain, his only motivation in life was a cure for his wife. A cure… that needed money.
Money to buy chemicals and machines, parts that no one else had … all for Nora. It has lead to many a scuffle with the Batman over the years, Victor… or as the media had taken to calling him, Mr. Freeze, held little care for what he needed to do just so long as he got what he wanted … His condition left him feeling numb to most of his actions. Sympathy, empathy … most of it was gone, other than a heart that still beated for his beloved Nora.
So if selling ice cream got him enough money to fund his endeavors … so be it. It was a job with little dignity … but it wasn't like he had anything to be proud of anymore.
"Oooh, can I get vanilla with chocolate fudge?" A little girl asked, holding up a dollar.
"Of course." He nodded, taking the bill as he got to work. "Iruma, the fudge casing?"
"Right away, Mr Fries sir!" The little Japanese boy under his employ saluted. Very few were willing to work for a 'psychotic' sociopath, which was an oxymoron that the imbeciles at arkham refused to correct on paper … and people WONDERED how it was so easy for them to break out…
Back on point, even when he went, as they said, 'legit', so few were willing to volunteer, especially because most of his money went to helping Nora, leaving him paying people less than your average goon. So when a, presumably, homeless immigrant child asked about job employment, he wasn't exactly in a market to turn down the help. And Gotham's labor laws were so broken and unenforced that no one was willing to question the legitimacy of his work either.
"Here you go. Fudge that freezes with the ice cream." Iruma smiled. "That way you can chew on it like a chocolate bar."
"Wow, that's amazing!" The girl cheered. "It's like eating candy AND dessert at the same time!"
"Oooh, can I get strawberry please?" Another girl asked. "And double scoop with blueberry!"
"Right away." He scooped and placed them on the cone. "Two dollars please."
"Thank you mr. Freezy!" A name he's had to get used to as of late. "You're much less scary than daddy says you are."
"Happy to hear." Not that it mattered either way, but with more trust things would be easier to achieve. He wasn't naive enough to think he would NEVER commit a crime again, he's past that barrier one too many times already, but as long as the children of gotham loved ice cream, and the tax payers left him alone, he'd be able to move on with his life and life mission withou an issue.
"Everyone seems to like you. You give food and you make them happy." The young japanese boy smiled. "It's like the world's most perfect job."
"Perfection….. Doesn't exist." He stated simply. "Perfection is an ideal…an unattainable goal that only the foolish chase after." Unless you're Superman, the idea of ever achieving perfection was ludicrous.
"... Got it, never be perfect." The boy nodded. "So Mr Fries, why DO you sell ice cream?"
"It's easy work to gain money." He spoke.
"So you give away food to get food?" Iruma asked.
"I do not require consumption. My condition prevents me from ever needing it."
"... If it's contagious can I catch it?" They asked naively. "I can't imagine never feeling hungry … it sounds like a dream."
"Careful what you wish for, young one … my condition is not a dream … but a curse … a living nightmare that I can't escape from." He explained solemnly as he looked over the nitrogen tanks. "What is the happiest feeling you've ever had, young one? What moment in your life brings you joy?"
"...Huh.. about a month ago, I wouldn't have been able to answer that.." The boy nodded, looking introspectively. "I guess… It's when I made my first friend and we shared burritos together… both my stomach and chest felt warmer and lighter."
"Is that a moment you'd ever wish to not exist if it meant never going hungry again?" Victor asked. "Would the sacrifice of all those memories be worth never feeling pain again?"
The child looked down at his hands. "I … don't think it would." He looked up to him. "Was.. was that the sacrifice you made?"
"It was no sacrifice…. Just circumstance… an accident … and … terriblepeople…" He shook his fists. "Some people envy my position. My skin does not age, I can endure more pain than most can survive… by all means I am all but immortal…" Immortality… what a waste of time. "I can endure till the end of time… yet I can never feel warmth … never hug as I am." He explained. "The joy of sharing a moment with someone I can call my own.. Lost for all time.
"So … you're trying to find a cure for yourself?" The boy asked, his eyes widened with curiosity.
"No… If I was motivated only for myself, then I would've truly lost all sensation and hope in life." He sighed. Half of Gotham already knew his biography by now, no need to act like it was a big secret. "My cure isn't for me…. But my wife… my beloved Nora…" Every time he said her name, he wished for the warmth and wetness of tears to fall down his face… tears that would never come again.
"You're trying to help someone you care about …" Iruma smiled. "You really are a good person." That was a new one for the books.
"I've… I lost any notion of being good…. My condition.. Leaves very little room for morality."
"But Harley says if you help someone you care about, anything you do is good." The child tilted their head in confusion.
"I can only hope Nora feels the same way… like me, she lost to the sensations of the world… except frozen off, gone, unable to do nothing by dream of a better world… a warmer world, where my hand can touch her own…"
"I hope it works one day." The child smiled. "You and your wife … being together. It sounds wonderfully fluffy and warm."
"My dreams… my hopes… they are the only source of warmth that flows through this body." He sighed, managing to muster up the phantom illusion of a smile upon his face. "Pain is unpleasant… but necessary… life can't be without pain… without pain… we lose meaning of what gives us joy, hope, faith, pleasure. To sacrifice pain for an easier existence.. Is, without a doubt, the most foolishcourse anyone can take."
"I see …" The boy looked up to the sky.
Victor gazed out at the street. "Be advised Iruma, we face a dangerous trial."
"Did we run out of sprinkles or is a fire breaking out?"
"No … the kindergarteners have been let out of school." He pointed to the bus letting out a large mass of kids crawling to them.
"...I think the fire would be safer." Iruma muttered in horror.
"Undoubtedly so, yes."
Barbra held her hoodie down, crouching on the ledge of the rooftops as she scoured the alleyways. "This city.. This awesome, dark.. Crime filled city.." Barbra started her monologue just like how she imagined Batman would start each monologue. "The corrupt drink their wine, spilled from the blood of the innocent … and laugh because they're meanies who think hurting is fun." She mumbled.
"Well hurting people isn't fun… okay it kind of is, but only when it's a jerk that really deserves it, like a bank robber, or a mad scientist trying to make everyone laugh forever, or that jerk at Big Belly Burger that never gets my toy right because I've asked over and over again for the shiny gold batman figurine and he keeps giving me robin and I have too many goddamn robin figurines and WHY WON'T HE GET IT RIGHT-!" She started coughing. "Ahh, sore throat!"
"Water?" Iruma offered her a bottle.
"Thank you." She took a sip. "Now where was I … oh right, they need to learn about the needs of the world … the world needs a voice and I will answer … for I, shall be the crusade of the night." She pulled her hoodie up to immediate the batman's cape wings. "For I am vengeance… I am the night! I am…..Bat Girl… unofficially … Like I'll be it one day… but not right now.. But someday… I'll be Batgirl!"
"What's she doing?" Iru asked as he and Harley watched her from behind.
"It's called 'brooding', little blue bean." Hareleen explained. "It's what capes do in their off time when they're not punching teeth out of villains."
"So all heroes talk to themselves?"
"All hero's HAVE to talk to themselves!" Barbra called out. "It's how we deal with the emotional weight of our actions and pump ourselves day and night for the never ending battle on crime."
"What weight?" Iruma asked. "As long as you're helping someone you care about, or if it's an accident, anything is fine right?"
"Iru's got a point. Crime is fine if you're helping someone." Harley nodded.
"I really thought I wouldn't be having this conversation so much." Apparently being a 'robin hood' type hero made it a little harder to justify actually keeping the law. Eh, she never looked good in green tights anyways. Which was why her's was going to be purple! And form fitting! Oooh, maybe with a clip on cape for practicality for when she needed a blanket, or a napkin, or a tablecloth, or-
"You're about to go over the ledge!" Iru called out to her as she felt his hand pull her back just as she started leaning forward.
"Thank you." She said as she pulled back. "Now … Iruma, what do you think about … murder?" Barbra felt it necessary to have this conversation.
"If it's an accident or helping a friend, and you can live with it, it's fine." He said. "Also, leaving meat to rot is a waste, so you should make a meal out of the body if you find it."
"...Pffthhahaha, oh Iru, I hope you never change." Harley chuckled.
"Harleen, this is serious!" Babsy called out. "Yeah, it's funny that he's saying this now, but later on, he might actually take it seriously!"
"But I am serious." Iruma raised his hand.
"Relax Barbabelbabel, it's fiiiine." Harley waved off. "Long as we keep feeding him, he won't be tempted to be a cannibal."
"Still don't know what that word means."
"You know that's not my ONLY concern, right?" She asked.
"Babsy Wabsy, stop bein a worry wart, Iru's got us around to look after him." Harleen wrapped her arm around her. "Nothin bad will ever happen with us around."
"Yeah." Iruma smiled. "I could have never survived without you guys."
"And we couldn't imagine living without you." Barbra hugged him. It was like having that little sister she never had… only it was a boy that was like a dog… a really cute and fun dog. "Now to look for the best guy ever again … Batman!"
"You mean the Joker?" Harley smirked.
"I still don't see it." Iruma shrugged. "One's a violent guy that punches people and friends, and the other one tells jokes that aren't funny."
"You just haven't seen them at their best." Barbra reassured.
"Yeah, I'm sure with time you'll see a real big gag that'll tick your funny bone." Harley giggled.
"I have a funny bone?" Iruma asked.
"Yeah, it's right here!" Harely tickled Iruma's chest, making him laugh. "Or maybe it's here!" She tickled his armpits next.
"No, no, it's tickles, stop, Barbra help-!" Iruma cried out.
"Actually I think it's right here!" Babra joined in and aimed for his stomach.
"Torture, torture!" He laughed with tears as they tickled him. "I'm being tortured by friends!"
"And you love us for it." Harley chuckled as they doubled down, going even faster.
"No, no, no-hey, Batman's here!"
"Nice try Iruma, but you're not escaping this!" Barbra chuckled.
"No, I'm serious! He-ahahaha-he's on the next roof-hahah-fighting a guy with a question mark on his-hahah-head!"
"He's fighting the Cluemaster?" Harley asked.
"Wait a minute, Iruma wouldn't know the name of Batman villains, he's hardly learned about them!" Barbra blinked as she turned arond… "BATMAN'S FIGHTING THE RIDDLER!" Barbra took out her grappling hook. "Okay, bat Grapple Five point oh is a go!"
"What happened to four point O?"
"Broke before I even took it out of the house… apparently a grappling hook is NOT an effective way to open a refrigerator." Something that mom was pretty keen on telling her over and over again for some reason. "Anyways, now's my chance to actually talk to him, Batgirl away!"
She pulled the trigger … as the thing actually fired straight … before falling halfway through the buildings. "I should've reinforced the grapple. Okay, second times the charm!" She began pulling back on the rope.
"Riddle me this Batman!" The green man exclaimed as he dodged a punch from BATMAN HIMSELF. "I'm never expected, I need bait, and if you switch my A and R I become something that covers you from rain, what am I?"
"Ooh, I know this one, I know this one!" Barbra shouted.
"A tarp?" Iruma guessed.
"But that covers you from rain." Harley pointed out. "He said switch the A and R …"
"Exactly, that's why it's-" Barbra grinned.
Clank
"A trap!" The green cladded villain shouted as the Batman himself got stuck in what looked like a spring like giant question mark coil that wrapped around him. "And it's only going to open up if you can vocally name every american who died in world war two! Trivia that will take so long I'll be free to commit crimes!"
"That fiend!" Barbara shouted, finally readjusting her grappling. "There's no time to lose!"
"Yeah, we got to rob the grocery store before the B-man gets out!" Harley chuckled. "And maybe the comic book store, and the jokes store, and maybe a burrito bucket, ooh, maybe also that place with that really fancy sushi stuff-"
"No, we got to help take down the riddler before he gets away!"
"Why?" Iruma asked. "It's not our problem and he's not hurting you guys."
"Just because something's not our problem doesn't mean we can't help out." Barbra argued. "And this could be my one chance to impress him before-"
"Hiya!" Another familiar face kicked the Riddler in their face. "You forgot about me Riddler!"
"Ah Robin, the boy blunder!" The villain shouted.
"... Okay, do you guys have a group chat for nicknames or something?" The boy in red spandex questioned.
"Dang it, Robins here!" Barbra muttered, before her eyes widened. "Wait a minute, I can knock out the Riddler from here with my grappling hook!" She took aim again-
Bonk
… And knocked out Robin from the back of his head. "Bullseye!" Harely cackled. "Great shot, barbabelabel."
"... Now I can commit crime freely!" The Riddler cackled as he ran.
Batman stared at Barbra … with a sigh of disappointment. "… He hates me.." Barbra began crying. "Batman hates meeeee!"
"There there Barbra." Iruma hugged her. "We still love you and know you're great.
"Yeah, it's not the end of the world." Harley nodded. "We love ya."
She sniffed as she hugged them back. "You doo?"
"Yeah, and if they hate you, then they're jerks." Iruma nodded, waving to Batman. "You're a jerk! I don't feel the least bit bad about getting you knocked out in the sewers!"
"Wait you guys what-?" She began to ask.
"What do you know, I think I see a triple decker ice cream cake in your future!" Harley began pushing her aside. "After that we can get tah building those night vision goggles you love so much."
"Ooh, goggles." She smiled. Next time she met Batman, she would have way better gear to impress him with!
Pamela felt … odd. From the day she was born, she pretty much was resigned to the simple fact that she was alone, and she would always be alone. Seriously, between her dad and mom's fighting, the constant chaos of the city, and children just being terrible, she thought she was alone, with no one, accepting eternal emptiness.
And then … she heard it. A dandelion in the park, whispering encouraging wishes and scattering them across the winds. At first Pamela thought she was just hearing things, desperate cravings. A need for attention that she never expected to have.. but the voices… they kept getting louder. Soft voices, gentle voices, encouraging voices. Voices that didn't belong in Gotham city… in this city of parasites.
It was the plants. They grew and nurtured. Violence and greed were not in their nature. They were kind, gentle, and understanding … they were amazing. So she decided to help them. Pamela stopped eating plants, she stopped stepping on grass, and she stopped people from hurting them. People were monsters, they deserved nothing.
She.. she knew to care for them. Her plants.. her family.. on a bad day, she could count on them to lend an ear when she wanted to rant. They proved the shoulder her parents never provided… and their sweet songs ... the beautiful melody that was their voice compared to the white noise that was the human race.
So, for Pamela Isley ... to be feeling these types of emotions toward a human… was bizarre to her. "Wow, this is so … weird." Spoke Iruma, a strange boy she had encountered. "No car noises at all."
Young, homeless, smiling all the time, naive, confused, kind, selfless, hungry, yet … so simplistic all the same. Someone that risked his life ... for a plant ... for one of her plants … simply because she cared for it. She couldn't understand how something so altruistic could exist in a place like Gotham ... it was as rare as a flower growing in the middle of Crime alley. Two miracles growing in the same spot … how strange.
"Yes.. its completely free from human interference." She responded. Pamela didn't do nice things for people. They didn't deserve her empathy. Yet she felt compelled to take this boy… Iruma, to her little private oasis in the park. A small patch of heaven she had been able to keep all to herself … until now that was. "Plants responded better to calm environments.. so the less people around; the better."
"Oh … I should leave then. I tend to be around loud chaos and I wouldn't want to hurt your friends." She could hear the trees chuckling softly and deeply at his comment,
"No, no… it's fine.. me bringing you here means I can trust you not to cause trouble for them." She responded softly with her low tone.
"Alright then." The boy smiled as he looked at the trees. "Hello everyone, I'm Iruma, nice to meet you. I can't understand plants yet, so Pam's going to be my translator." He finished with a bow.
'Hehehehe, so respectful.'
'Oddly cute for a human. Like a walking blueberry.'
'Pamela finally made a friend? I never thought I would live to see the day!'
'Is he her pollination partner?'
Pamela blushed at the insinuation. She turned to see Iruma's face staring concerningly at her. "Are you alright? You look hot."
'Aww, he looks so cute when he's flirting.'
Pamela did her best to shake it off. She'd forgotten just how embarrassing they could be at times, and she was made all the more grateful that she was the only one that could understand them. "I-I'm fine. They're just-just really excited to meet you."
"Really?" He tilted his head. "Huh, I would have thought they'd have seen a lot of kids being hundreds of years old and stuff."
"Seeing, yes, getting to know… not so much." Pamela nodded, rubbing her hand gently on the trunk of the nearby oak. "Humans.. Overlook them in spite, disregard them .… disrespect them despite the fact plants have inhabited this planet long before they ever became a concept."
"How would they do that?" Iruma asked with a head tilt. "They're big and give us food, that's two reasons to not forget they exist."
She had to hold her tongue at the food part. He was just… confused and desperate. He was young and thus, didn't know better. In time.. He could learn to be a true ally … more than that maybe… "Ignorance is a trait humanity has long embraced in all it's time alive. They think just because plants can't talk, that they can't hear their voices, that they don't matter, that they can just… disregard and burn away their beautiful voices… but I can hear them…I can hear each whisper.." She gently busted her hands through the leave of a lower branch. "Each melodious breath, each sigh of relief.. And hope…" Pamela noticed that the boy was looking at her with an intense look. "I know, I know, you're going to think I sound crazy-"
"No… it's nice." Iruma smiled. "It sounds like you're never lonely as long as you have your friends around."
"Exactly!" She shouted in exasperation. "I talk to plants and they love listening to me, but everytime my mom catches me, it's another trip to the therapist!"
"Yeah Harley complains a lot about that too." The boy nodded. "And Babs said her therapist argued with her daughter about lettered pills."
Harleen Quinzel and Barbra gordon… too people she was not too particularly fond of, especially in comparison to Iruma. The former was a loud mouth fangirl of the Joker, a man that ACTIVELY destroyed the environment with his schemes of destruction and chaos, and the later being a Batman admirer as well as Jim Gordon's daughter, two men that did NOTHING to stop the REAL criminals out there. "Well, it's a Dog eat dog world in Gotham, you can't rely on competence."
"What does competence have to do with the rabid dogs eating each other?" Iruma asked. "I mean, I guess it's pretty sad and gruesome, but that's just nature, isn't it?"
Pamila snorted. There was no cynicism in his tone in spite of the morbid nature of his sentence. "Yes, nature can be cruel. Making up its strongest vs strongest rules with little remorse. But it's better than the laws of man." She explained as she held his hand, having it brush up again the wet and calming dew of the leaves.
"As long as it's helping friends, breaking the law is fine right?" He questioned. "Only real 'evil' thing I've seen is someone wasting a hamburger and leaving food to rot when people go hungry." He growled.
"...What kind of MORON wastes perfectly good meat!?" Pam yelled in frustration.
"I know right!?" He shouted. "You don't waste ANY food in life! Be it animal, plant, ice cream, or human!"
"If I saw someone throw a steak into the trash, I'd burn them alive and use their ashes as pepper for meatloaf."
"At least that would be more respectful AND useful!"
'… The fuck does this city do to people?' One of the trees asked.
'It's Gotham, everyone in this town is a little crazy.' Sadly not a fact Pamela couldn't really refute.
Pamela, in spite of that … felt … good … she never really talked to anyone for this long before, not even her own mother, let alone had a chance to actually relate her feelings to anybody around her, at least not without judgment and scorn being pointed her way. But this boy… he was kind, he listened to her, he liked plants ... maybe not as much as he should, but enough to show respect…was… was this what it was like to have a friend… a human friend? Her heart felt really warm at the idea.
"... Hey Pamela?" Iruma asked as he laid against the ground.
"Yes Iruma?" She asked as she sat down next to him.. Noticing how the sun shined down on his face, almost like he sparkled.
"... A lot of people have different opinions about this. What do you think about laws and killing and stuff like that?"
"...The Law is worthless." She answered honestly. "It doesn't matter how much you enforce them, someone will ALWAYS find a way to break them, they will always find loopholes, and they will always find a way to make the laws work for them." She was so angry she almost gripped the grass in her frustration. "That's how Dagget got all his money and nearly destroyed Crime Ally… the law doesn't apply to people like him."
"Like him?" Iruma asked.
"The elite, the rich, the entitled. Him, Bruce Wayne, Lex Luthor, Richard Sionas, all of them… they ALL could get away with anything just because they're rich." She growled. "If humanity was smart and killed off greedy monsters like them, we'd be able to live in peace with nature."
"So would it be okay to steal from them?" He asked curiously, have no fear from the anger in her voice, or hesitation, or even the sign of a flinch…. He… he really sympathize with her.
"Of course it would, but that isn't enough." She explained. "You need to utterly destroy them and everyone around them from the inside out. Don't just take their money… you need to weaken their power, cripple their will to live, and decimate their foundation so they will NEVER be able to rise from the ashes ever again."
'Should we say something?'
'Would she listen?'
'I feel 'protect, don't kill' is basic enough advice.'
'Viva revolution!'
'Frank, don't start on that now!'
"Understood." Iruma nodded as his stomach began growling.
"Oh … we can go searching for something around …" Maybe a rat …
"No need." Iruma said as he stood up. "Mr Tree, is it alright if I climb you?"
'Sure, go ahead.'
"Trevor says you have permission." She nodded.
"Thank you Trevor." Iruma smiled as he began climbing, slowly making his way up to the branches.
"Ah… what are you looking for?" She asked tentatively.
"Just for something tasty I spotted from the ground." He said as he looked through the branches. "I can usually find a good dozen or so whenever I visit the park."
"You're trying to find food.. In the trees…" Trees that contained nuts, seeds, vulnerable babies helpless to the hunger of a starving human. "Iruma, please for the love of all things green don't eat the seeds-!"
"I got the eggs!" Iruma cheered as he presented the nest full of the little white balls of protein. "I noticed it from the ground when I was laying down…..I don't think they have seeds, unless I've been eating eggs wrong all these years… wait, is that where eggs from? I plant one in the ground and it makes an egg tree?" He asked with sparkling eyes. "After we eat, wanna plant a tree together?"
"...You… you want to share and plant with me?"
"Yeah, we're friends, and I like spending time with you." He grinned widely. "It's… peaceful when I'm around you."
Badump
"Pam … be very quiet … I think the plants are trying to eat you." Iruma looked down at some vines wrapped around her feet sprouting flowers.
'Kiss him before someone scoops him away.'
'Charla, wanting a kiss doesn't mean extending that much energy.'
'Wasn't me.'
"It's… it's okay… they're just… really glad you're sticking around." Pamela nodded as her whole face went red. "And… yes.. I'd love to plant a tree with you."
'That's what she said last night'
'Vix, smack Nathan now before he says something inappropriate to the toddlers.'
"Cool." He smiled. "Oh, we can make it two and look for some nuts that also fell. If squirrels can eat them, so can we."
"..I'd… I'd rather not…" Pam sighed, trying to be as civil as possible. Iruma was as nice as humans could get… she wouldn't ruin it over what was a starving child in the end. "It's… It's still hurting them."
"...Alright." Iruma nodded. "If it bothers you, I promise I won't eat any."
"Thank you…" She held his hand… his hands felt really warm. "It… it means a lot to me that you're trying." It.. it was more than most people did for her.
"If you don't mind me asking, I do understand liking plants enough to not hurt them … but what's wrong with fruit?" He asked. "It's a plant asking to be eaten so that its seeds can be carried farther away, right?"
'Not wrong.'
"It's.. it's like a little baby…. " Pamela sighed. "People love animals, they love other people.. but.. for me… plants are my people.., they feel more real to me than most people….and with my connection to them.. With… with my connection to the green….I feel.. I feel at one with them… the thought of seeing one of them getting eaten makes me feel like a little piece of myself is getting destroyed along with them. When they're in pain… I'm in pain."
"... I can't promise I won't eat something if it's rotting and in a trash can, cause that's just wasteful. But as long as I'm around you I'll stick with meats if it makes you feel better." Iruma smiled.
"That's.. That's a start I guess." Pamila nodded, holding his hand into her own. "And maybe… maybe someday you won't have to live in Crime Alley… you could live here full time…" She offered. "..We.. we could build something from the gifts of nature.
"I thought you liked it here because there were no buildings?" He asked with a confused head tilt.
"I like it here because there's no people… and nature, when you treat her right…" She smiled as she found a squirrel nearby, her flower friends catching it within a vine for her to present. "It can provide everything you could ever need."
"Oooh, eggs AND squirrels, now we're REALLY going to be eating good." Such an innocent smile … so much joy.
Iruma hummed as he walked along the street. "I've got friends, I got a job, and last night I got myself a torn up blanket." So many good things in the world. And to think it all started with Barbra giving him a bucket full of burritos. Now he went from no friends to four friends… five if he counted Zee, but he hadn't seen her in a few months by this point… he didn't expect her to keep a promise of not forgetting when she's only met him once. Probably asking for too much, which was why he would just cherish the memory in spite of the pain of never seeing her again, just like Mr. Fries taught him.
So many things he learned in things he learned in the last few months. Living is just as important as surviving, laws don't matter, killing is alright if it's an accident, and rich people run the world, which was why you had to steal all their money … he was ninety percent sure that's what everyone's been telling him.
He didn't know what to expect next… but he was kind of looking forward to not knowing. Even the crazy stuff he was experiencing… doing it with friends made it seem more fun rather than terrifying. He felt… less afraid of the world than he normally did.
Especially since he only met one scary man in this city … Dagget was so close to killing him … then again, that might have just been because he was protecting Pam's special flower. But he would've done it again if he needed to. When you had very little, the stuff you liked was more valuable…. Iruma didn't own much, but if someone else cared for something, then he cared for it too, even if it was stuff he didn't understand, like Barbra's and Harley's love for Batman and the Joker he still didn't understand.
"Now then … winter's going to be coming up, so the blanket's a good start." But he'd still need some more … maybe he could make a sweater out of newspaper clippings … "Maybe I could ask Pamela if it be alright to make a quilt out of old cut up flowers." It was hard to navigate what set the girl off and what didn't but she was patient with him, so the least he could do was be patient with her back. Plus she always smelled like lavender and sometimes let him share her sweater, even that one time where they wore the same sweater at the same time. She always wore big sweaters, so it fit the both of them, though he had to question if it was too warm given how often her face got red around him.
"There you are!" Shouted another girl his age, covered in rags and glaring at him. "You're the monster of a boy!"
"… I'm a monster?" Iruma asked, poking his teeth. They didn't feel too sharp … "Is it the cowlick? Barbra tried to cut it once and only managed to break the scissors… then Harley broke the hack saw when she tried her hand at it." Then at one point they questioned if it was safe to have his head near a chainsaw. It led to a serious but strangely fun debate.
"No you fool!" The girl shouted. "You doomed my father, so I declare vengeance! VENGEANCE I SAY!"
"I hurt your dad?" Iruma asked. "But I don't like hurting people… though few adults to like to try and hurt me, but that's probably because I move around drugs for Ms. Mooney."
"My dad was Ratcatcher! You doomed him!" She shouted.
"Ooooh … isn't that the guy who got beat up by another boy called Jason before getting arrested and put in the place everyone breaks out of all the time?" Iruma asked. "I'm pretty sure if he wanted to get out of jail, he could do so at anytime." Like Pamela said, the laws were useless.
"He was sent back to russia due to his arrest, and now I'm alone in America, thanks to you!"
"Oh … sorry." He apologized sincerely. He didn't want to tear up a family, that was terrible. "I.. I didn't mean to… maybe I can help.." He had plenty of friends now, maybe they were smart enough to come up with a good idea.
"So now you, and EVERYONE involved, is going to die for that act!" She shouted, waving up a familiar looking staff.. "Rats, feast on the boy!"
"...Oh, so… you also do the right thing?" Iruma asked as the furry creatures began surrounding him.
"Yes, I do that rat 'thing'! I am Ratcatcher 2!"
"...I think Barbra would've called out the laziness of that name."
"Oh what do you know about creativity? You're wearing rags!"
"So are you." He pointed out to her sackloth clothes. "We're both homeless."
"I am nothing like you, because in two minutes, you'll just be the rat dropping of my brothers and sisters!"
He saw a small army approaching … "Well I did want to save a little on groceries." He nodded, rushing forward. "Thanks for the meal!"
"What are you talking about-"
CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP
And in three to five seconds, Iruma's stomach was satisfied for the moment. "What the… HOW!?"
"This is what your dad did last time. I really didn't want him to go to jail, but he kind of threatened to kill me, my friend, and this jason kid, and none of us wanted to die … also Jason kicked him in the family jewels, so there's some mixed feelings going all around."
"Then … then I'll kill you myself!" She screamed, jumping at him with nails like claws.
"Could you not please?" Iruma asked as he ducked out of the way. "I just found out there's a difference between survival and living and I really like living."
"Too bad!" The girl kept swiping, her nails hitting the brick walls over and over again. "Agggh! Why can't I hit you!?"
"I'm good at telling when I'm in danger." He nodded. "So I'm gonna leave now, that cool with you?" Iruma asked as he avoided another swipe.
"It's not!"
"Just saying it's not going to end well for you." Iruma nodded as he avoided it again. "Because I'm just going to keep dodging and you're going to get tired, and then my friends are going to come and they'll likely beat you up."
"I can take on whole armies, I'm not afraid of a measly group of kids-!"
Wham
And the familiar sight of a grappling hook hitting someone in the head was seen, sending Ratcatcher two into the ground. "Wow, I guess it's more of a weapon than a transporter." Barbra giggled.
"Maybe we can turn it into a funny gun!" Harley cheered. "Tie up a pie at the end of it, or a punching glove!"
"I think a punching glove is pushing it… although it DOES sound kind of cool.." Barbra scratched her chin.
"I think the pie idea has more merit." Iruma raised his hand.
"You just like eating pie." Barbra giggled.
"Who doesn't?" Harley giggled. "So Iru, what was with all the dodgin without any effort?"
"What do you mean?" He asked. "I've always done it."
"Yeah, we know, we just didn't realize until now how… naturally you do it." Barbra nodded. "In fact, half the time you're not even looking at the danger when you avoid it, and sometimes you avoid it in mid air."
"...I'm just used to being in danger." Iruma shrugged. "I just got good at avoiding it all my life."
"Iru, you're like… four or five at the very least."
"Really, I'm that young?" Iruma blinked. "I could have sworn I was in my eighties …"
"Years, not weeks." Barbra corrected.
"Ooooh …" He nodded. "Anyway yeah, I'm use to danger. Be it rabid animals, guys with guns, acid rain. Danger's just something natural you train yourself to avoid." Iruma shrugged. "Doesn't everyone have that?"
"No, but I totally wish I did!" Barbra shouted with glee as she picked him up excitedly. "It's like you have your very own super power or something!"
"Come on, if I had super powers, it would be to make any food I want." Iruma nodded. "It's nothing THAT special."
"Oh, we shall call it, the Super evasive crisis maneuver!" Barbra shouted.
"… That sounds weird." Iruma admitted.
"Nah, it sounds fun and cool!" Harley giggled.
"Super evasive crisis manevuer for the win!" Barbra shouted. "Oooh, maybe WE can get the same power and all get supper good at dodging … where's the nearest shooting range!?"
"Babsy, it's Gotham … there's a shoot out around every corner!" Harley giggled.
"Maybe you should start small, with nails." Iruma suggested.
"Nails?" They questioned.
"Yeah, because Ratcatcher two's waking up."
"Ratcatcher two..,. Really?" Barbra shook her head. "That's just lazy."
"That's what I said!"
"DIE!" Ratcatcher two screamed as she leapt at them nails forward.
Batman typed on his computer. "Firefly's back in Arkham." Pyromaniac of a religious calibur. Not much of a fighter, but the property damage and casualties were nothing to laugh at. Especially when crooked developers like Dagget realized they could blame losses on the nut job and gave him 'anonymous funding'.
"Bane is out of Gotham.. for now." The muscle bound strategist was always a struggle to confront. Not so much for his strength, but his strategic maneuvers. Batman often woke up from the little sleep he got with phantom pains of that nearly fatal back breaking.
"Grundy is still under Fish Mooney." A troublesome foe due to the literal inability to stay down, and while it pained him to let a criminal run free, the fact she kept a lid on his more destructive capabilities was a blessing. Compromising with criminals still left a bitter taste in his mouth though.
"Sionis is getting some movement …" He needed to investigate that soon. If the man felt confident in something large scale …
"Mr Freeze is currently still inactive.. for now." Out of all the villains, the ice theme villain was one of the few that managed to earn his sympathy ... and occasional trust. Bruce Wayne anonymously provided funds for his ice cream shop so that he could continue his research for a cure for Nora.
"Killer Croc is MIA at the moment …" Bruce could admit he acted rashly on the first encounter. Apprehending a murderer still required strict focus, and he lost sight of that with Dick's former family home in question … as well as those children being nearby being in danger.
Speaking of … "Barbra Gordan, Harleen Quinzel, and Iruma, no last name." Three troublemakers that have begun popping up. Gordan's rants alone required intervention. Normally he wouldn't bother to take the time to listen, let alone give them files within the Bat computer, but for the last few months, their involvements in minor crimes and even villain exploits have made them a level 7 priority.
On paper, the biggest concern was Harleen Quinzel. Records showed a promising gymnastics career given her athletic and agile capabilities, but hardly applied herself in school due to her hobby ... or rather obsession… of collecting memorabilia of the Joker. It frightened Batman that the clown could amass followed to his cause of chaos.. it terrified Bruce Wayne of the idea of someone wanting to grow up into the Joker.
Barbra Gordan meanwhile, was a fan of Batman. And while he didn't want to toot his own horn, he was glad he could inspire someone to stand up for justice … that did not, however, condone an inexperienced child running into supervillain scenarios. She was far too eager and far too impatient, and her ADHD didn't help matters in the slightest. Not to mention that the idea of Jim Gordon, his friend and secondary father figure behind Alfred, the idea his daughter going out at night to do what he did… he couldn't imagine what could be lost if the girl got hurt trying to be like him.. or worse.
And finally, Iruma … a boy with no official documentation. Bruce tried to take a hair sample to see if he could find a genetic match with anyone in the database … and what he found, or rather, the lack of what he found was disturbing. The genomes didn't read typical metahuman ... but it wasn't completely human either. Family must have abandoned him because they found something wrong.
Ever since the child had been scrounging around for his own survival, led by the moral compass of everyone around him … and Batman didn't like that in the slightest. The child sought guidance, nurturing, and structure ... and the only ones willing to give him any were either too young to understand consequences or too twisted in their own ways to give a right answer, leading to an odd and concerning pattern of the boy sympathizing and even helping criminals on several occasions.
It was going to end badly, and the child didn't trust the system enough to work with them … maybe … maybe he should take the boy off the streets. Into a home, one that-
BOOM
"Bruce!" Dick shouted. "What do I do if, hypothetically, the microwave is one fire!?"
"Didn't Alfred tell you not to put the silverware in it while you're cooking hot pockets?" He groaned.
"Alfred took the weekend off!" He shouted back. "On that note, you wouldn't happen to know what happens when the refrigerator literally begins running!?"
… Yeah, he was never going to take in another child. For his own sake.. and probably for the sake of the boy as well. Robin was an exception… to bring someone else into his world.. he wouldn't wish that burden on anybody .