24. AN IMPASSE
My eyes opened to a bright, white light overhead. I was in an unfamiliar room. The wall beside me was covered in long vertical blinds, gently turned out to let some form of daylight in. Over my head, the glare of hospital fluorescents blinded me. The sound of some TV show going on added to the background ambience of buzzing and beeps, the whirring of machinery, muffled voices and the hurried shuffling of footsteps in the distance which sometimes accompanied the squeak of wheels as they went up and down the hall outside. I was propped up on a hard, uneven bed - a bed with rails. The pillows were flat and lumpy. Another annoying little beeping sound was coming from somewhere nearby. I hoped that meant I was still alive. Death shouldn't be this uncomfortable. My arms were all twisted up with clear tubes, and something was taped across my face under my nose. I lifted my hand to rip it off.
"No, don't do that, Beau." Five cool, slender fingers stopped me with a gentle touch. I'd know that musical voice and that satin skin anywhere.
"Edythe?" I turned my head slightly, and her beautiful face was mere inches from mine. Her chin was resting on the edge of my pillow. It hit me right over the head then that yes, yes I was still alive, and the realization, that confirmation, soon transformed into a hot, pleasant wave of relief rising up in my chest.
"Oh, Edythe! I'm so, so sorry."
"I think that's my line." She laughed quietly and stroked my cheek, but still couldn't look at me straight.
"Edythe-" She put a finger to my lips and shook her head.
"Shh, Beau. Everything's alright now." Her voice grew thick as she left a long kiss on my wrist.
"Wait… what actually happened? The tracker…?" I began, my mind unwilling to conjure up most of the events which had transpired earlier in chronological order even when I tried my hardest to see them all. Honestly though, maybe that was for the better because the parts I did remember were enough to send shiver upon shiver down my spine. I could still feel the hunter's nails on me, when she charged me, when she threw me into the wall, the glass flying everywhere, the excruciation of her one bite…
"We took care of her." Edythe's voice rasped into a low growl.
"I was so stupid, Edythe. I thought she had my mom. I should've known, I should've-"
"None of this is your fault, Beau. I know why you did it," she squeezed my hand, "but you still should have waited for me; you should have told me." Hurt and a secondhand sort of fear crept into the edges of her voice. We were safe now, in this hospital room, but I could instantly tell she didn't fully trust it still when the memory hit her back again so vividly.
"You wouldn't have let me go, though."
"That's right, I wouldn't have." She agreed, her tone grim. More details of that… encounter… slowly crept back into my mind, out of order, through the darkest crevices of it. I remembered the burning first, then all the breaking. The Hunter's story, and the blinking red light of the camcorder…
I gasped. "Did Archie… see? The tape, I mean?"
"Yes." A new sound darkened her voice - it was the tone of pure hatred. She took a breath and shook her head. "He was always in the dark, that's why he didn't remember. I suppose some small part of me had wished for it to stay that way, too. But he deserves to know the truth." The last sentence didn't come out so confidently. It was easy to tell that she didn't want her brother to have been burdened with the knowledge at all whatsoever if she could've helped it.
I tried to touch her face with my free hand, but something stopped me. I glanced down to see the IV line dangling from my wrist.
"What is it?" Edythe asked, immediately surveying my entire body for anything she could help me with, I'm sure. But I knew there was no help in this.
"Needles." I tried looking away from the giant one in my hand and concentrated all my attention on what little I could see of the view outside my window instead – a nice, sunny day, despite everything that'd happened earlier. I still felt like crap, but the world had apparently moved on already.
"Afraid of a needle." Edythe chuckled. "Oh, a sadistic vampire intent on torturing him to death sure, no problem. He runs off to meet with her in an instant." She snapped her fingers for emphasis. "An IV, on the other hand… Oh, the horror!" she exclaimed, her once-dark tone shifting to playful.
"You know, I'm pretty sure there are rules somewhere out there prohibiting making fun of the injured." I pouted.
"Sure, but then I wouldn't have gotten to see that adorable look on your face." She stroked my cheek and leaned in, kissing the tip of my nose – one of the few things on my body that was left mostly unscathed besides a scratch or two on one side.
But then coming away from that little kiss, Edythe's eyes darkened, her breath coming out shaky the longer she took the rest of me in.
"Just look at you, Beau." Her pained gaze stopped and lingered on my bandaged wrist now. She took it in her cool hand and ran her fingers very gently over it - they were trembling. "I was almost too late. I could have been too late. And I… I might not have been able to stop myself." She shook her head as if she were trying to shake away every last ounce of the memory, her voice coming out a choked, tormented sound.
"But you weren't, Edythe. You weren't." I whispered, shaking my head. I couldn't bear to see her blaming herself so palpably like this. "You saved me, Edythe." She had to know that.
"I almost killed you, Beau. When I tasted your blood, I very nearly could not stop-"
"But you did stop. And I'm so proud of you, Edythe. Thank you. I wouldn't be here right now if it wasn't for you." I took her hand, the only aim of my words now to comfort her; to not see her hate herself so deeply. It was all I wanted to do.
"You're right - you wouldn't be in here if it wasn't for me. If I wasn't so stupid, and irresponsible, and selfish, you would have been safe, at home, in your warm bed with Charlie in the other room. You wouldn't have been here, in the hospital, hurt, in pain, on the verge of death not even twenty-four hours ago, might I add-"
"Come on, I wasn't really on the verge of death-"
"But you were. And we both know that it's all because of me."
I couldn't take it anymore. I tried to reach for her hand, but a stinging shock of pain shot up my arm and I hissed. That's right - I kind of had some broken bones. "Oh, Beau. Don't do that." Her face looked pained again as it took in all the casts and the tubes and the bandages - like she was the broken one instead of me. She must've been so scared, and I hated myself for doing that to her. "Just let me come to you, alright?" She was by my side instantly, and her cool lips pressed lightly against my forehead as she stroked the top of my wrist with careful fingers.
"How bad is it again?" I whispered, looking down. It made me angry to see. Not at Edythe of course, but at that tracker. Not only did Joss do all this to me, but she'd also hurt Edythe, too, in far more ways than one. It came back to me in red flashes - how she threw Edythe into the ground; slammed her into all those mirrors and that wooden floor. When she threw her into the windows, shattering them on impact. How, because of her, Edythe only hated herself more and more by the minute. I almost wanted to kill Joss myself all over again just for that. I would've if I could. But no matter how desperately I wanted to, I knew it was an impossibility. I was just a useless human being after all. I'd failed to keep Edythe safe, and I knew I always would.
Unless… unless…
Edythe's gentle touch quickly pulled me from my drowning thoughts. Her pained eyes were on me again. I brought the hospital blanket higher over myself - it was my own way of protecting her. I knew how hard it was for her to see me like this.
She took a breath before answering me. "You've a broken leg, a fractured arm, four broken ribs, some cracks in your skull, bruises and cuts covering every inch of your body, and you've lost a lot of blood. They gave you a few transfusions. I didn't like it - it made you smell all wrong for a while."
"I thought it'd be a relief though, right?" I remembered what she told me that day in the forest what seemed forever ago. Like a drug, she'd said. I believed her. It made me realize just how difficult it was for her to save me the way she did too, and I could only feel my heart sinking more and more for my part in all this; for making her feel so guilty on my behalf. I'd only made everything so much more difficult for her.
She grimaced. It was like she could read my mind. "But I like the way you smell – for better or worse."
"I'll take that as a compliment." I assured her, kissing her fingers and giving them a squeeze. Maybe it made her feel better - I hoped it did. She showed me a quick smile and then her eyes darted to the closed hospital room door.
"Renee's coming."
Immediately, I started to panic. I was still completely in the dark - not about what happened really, but what it was I was supposed to say. Worst of all, I knew that I was going to have to lie my butt off – and I was never good at that sort of thing. Never. "Wait! Why are you here? I mean… why does my mom think you're here?"
"Well, let's see…" Edythe put a delicate finger to her chin, looking up to the roof for inspiration. "I realized I still loved you, though you and I both know I never stopped. I went to Phoenix with Carine and Archie to make up with you; to apologize and bring you back home to Forks. You agreed to see me, and drove out to the hotel my family and I were staying in. You tripped on the stairs on your way back down from our room, and…" Her eyes walked over my frame; all the casts and the tubes and the bandages covering most of my body. Her golden eyes seemed tortured again a moment, but then her expression reclaimed its composure. "You make up the rest." She tried - and failed - to show me a smile then ran her hand down my cheek, her touch lingering over every exposed part of my face that wasn't covered in bandages. Her lips met mine once more, and that put together with her nearness to me made those stupid heart monitors go beep-beep-beeping away. I mean, how embarrassing was that? I looked away, trying to hide my tomato face from her. I couldn't bring myself to meet her eyes.
"Do you wish for me to leave?" she asked very seriously. I thought I detected a trace of hurt in her voice, and I felt awful for it. "Then I'll-"
"No!" I said way too quickly, giving myself whiplash in the process. Ouch. But it made my heart race for an entirely different reason, though. "Just… stay. Stay with me."
"Of course, Beau." Her face relaxed some. So did mine. Then she gracefully loped away to the couch in the room and covered herself with a spare hospital blanket, both legs pulled up on the cushion, her head on the backrest. "I'll just be over here then, taking a nap. Rest assured I'll be dreaming of you." A wink that sent my heart galivanting. Her golden eyes fluttered shut, and her beautiful face took on the ease of human slumber. Dang, she was good.
"Beau! Oh, thank God you're awake." Mom flew into the room right after, stroking my face with both hands and leaving a kiss on my forehead. "How are you feeling, honey?"
Seeing her scared, worried face, I nodded emphatically. "I feel okay." Even if that wasn't entirely true, I didn't want Mom to worry about me any more than she already had this whole time I was out.
"I'll call the nurse in." She offered – no, I guess commanded, more like. I reiterated to her for the millionth time that I was feeling fine, but she wouldn't believe me. I figured as much; she always knew how to worry.
Just then, her phone pinged. She looked down at the screen. "Phil's been calling and texting and calling again nonstop. He cares about you so much, baby."
That was nice of him. "Tell him thanks for me, and that I'm okay. Really."
"Done and done." She put her phone face-down on the little table by the bed, and then her eyes were wide on me. "Oh baby, what happened to you back there? From the beginning, how did that all turn into… this?" Mom shook her head again as she took the rest of me in. I probably looked even worse in the daytime. I sighed, my eyes sliding shut. Showtime.
"Edythe called me at the hotel I was staying in," I smoothly lied probably for the first time in my entire life. The anticipation or all the drugs or whatever was making me creative. "Turned on all the waterworks, you know. She wanted me back real bad." I shot her a look, biting back my smile. I could tell it took everything in her not to break her fake-sleeping act and bust up laughing, too. I looked down at my casts, wringing the hospital blanket thrown haphazardly over them. "She wanted to meet me in her family's hotel room and after we sorted everything out, I was headed to the lobby. The elevator was busted by then though, so I used the stairs. And I just…missed a step. That's all."
Mom scoffed in horror. "Missed a step? Is that what you call it? Beau, you fell down not one, but two flights of stairs…" her head shook hard, her hand moving over her chest, "and flew straight out of a second-story window! How could you let that happen to yourself, baby? What'd I always tell you about being careful? Watching your step? You were so lucky Dr. Cullen was right there! I think she saved your life."
Truth be told, they all did. I knew I would thank them later on when I got the chance. I took another deep breath – lying so much was tiring me out.
"Oh, you met Carine?" I asked, looking out into the hall. A part of me was hoping to see her there because I needed to change the subject, and fast.
Mom nodded, a gentle smile playing up at her lips now. Her ire washed away in a second. I guess Carine just had that effect on you. "And Archie, too. They're wonderful. You never told me you had such good friends in Forks." Mom stroked my forehead then turned her gaze to Edythe fake-sleeping on the couch. "And that young lady you have over there… oh, she's just beautiful, honey." Mom gushed, shaking her head.
"Inside and out." I confirmed, feeling the ache of my love for her in my heart.
Mom brushed a hand over her lips, her eyes looking from me to Edythe and back again. "You know, I got a chance to talk with her earlier. The intensity of her feelings for you was just so new to her, it was frightening. She didn't know what else to do, poor thing. But God, she's so in love with you, baby." Renee chuckled. I think she saw some of herself in Edythe during whatever exchange they'd had. "How do you feel about her, honey?" Mom poorly concealed her rising excitement.
It didn't even take me a second to answer. "She's everything to me." It was the honest truth.
Mom sighed and took my hand. "Then that's all I need to hear, sweetheart." She looked to Edythe again, a gentle smile playing up at the edges of her lips at the sight of my vampire girlfriend playing pretend. It made me smile, too.
Mom's phone vibrated on the little table. Another text from Phil. She answered it, then her gaze was back on me again. "He's going to swing by later today, his plane's just about to land." Her big blue eyes popped open then, excitement sparkling in them. "Oh! And before I forget, you'll never guess what happened!"
"Phil got… um, signed?" I wish I could say I was so cool and suave that I'd guessed it outright all on my own, but the profile picture of my stepdad wearing a brand-new Suns jersey lighting up my mother's screen kind of gave it away for me already.
"Yes, in Florida! Can you believe it? He's been working so hard."
"That's great. I'm really happy for him." I said as enthusiastically as I could manage even when I had little idea of what that actually meant beyond "You made it to the Big Leagues" and maybe that you were making some more money. It was still pretty cool to think about, though. His dream had come true.
"Baby, you are going to love it in Jacksonville. It's always sunny, and we found the cutest little house! There's this huge oak tree in the backyard, and it's just a few minutes from the ocean, walking distance I tell you. You'll even have your own bathroom, and-"
"Wait, wait, wait!" I stopped my mother immediately, her words piling and piling up then toppling all over me when I realized exactly what they meant. Edythe still had her eyes closed, but her body looked far too tense to pass as asleep anymore. She'd heard. But she needed to hear this, too: "I'm not going to Florida, Mom. I… I live in Forks." I tried in as gentle a tone as I could manage.
"But you don't have to anymore, silly." She laughed, shaking her head. "Phil won't be around so much now, but we've talked about it a lot. So, what I'm going to do is just trade off on the away games - I'll be spending half the time with you, and half the time with him. Then-"
"Mom." I hesitated, taking her hand in mine. I was wondering how I could best be diplomatic about all this. "I want to live in Forks." There was a time in my life where those words would've been the last ones I'd possibly thought I could ever say out loud and actually mean. But today, it was entirely genuine. Because Edythe had changed everything. She turned my world upside down then right side up again, and I was still down for the ride. There were other things too of course, so I tried appealing to those first because I knew my mother would immediately draw that exact same conclusion, never mind the fact that she was going to be absolutely right. This way, I guess I figured I'd have more of a "leg to stand on", as they say. "I'm already settled in at school, and I've got these amazing friends-" Mom's eyes drifted back to Edythe's face at the mention of "friends" so I tried another angle, one I knew we could both agree on, "And Charlie needs me." My throat tightened when I said the words. "He's just all alone up there, and you and I both know that man can't cook for beans. Literally." I tried to laugh through the choking lump in my throat.
"You want to stay in Forks?" Mom's wide blue eyes, incredulous, looked deep into mine. Apparently, the thought that anyone would actually want to live in Forks by choice was inconceivable to her. "Why?" Her gaze flickered back to the couch Edythe was on and I could tell she knew she was answering her own question.
"Exactly what I said – you know, school. And Charlie. Ouch!" I shrugged trying to put on the airs of nonchalance. Bad move. Mom's hands fluttered helplessly over me, trying to find a safe place to pat. She made do with my shoulder, it was unbandaged. Mostly.
"Beau, honey, you hate Forks."
"It's… growing on me."
She sighed and looked between Edythe and me, this time very deliberately. "Is it because of that beautiful girl right over there?" she whispered, squeezing my hand. I smiled a little, nodding right after. "Okay. She's definitely a part of it." There was no use hiding it now when Mom looked at me like that. How big a part though, she didn't have to know.
Mom sighed; stroked my face again. "I understand, baby. She's a good girl. But it's just that you're both so young, and…" Her unsure voice trailed off. As far as I could remember, I'm pretty sure this was the first time since I was eight that she'd come close to trying to sound like an actual parental authority.
"I know, Mom. But I'm pretty crazy about her." I chuckled at how true it all was.
"And from what I've heard earlier, it sounds like that feeling is absolutely mutual. You're both very lucky to have found each other." Mom kissed my forehead then looked guiltily over her shoulder to the big round clock on the wall, trying to act like she wasn't looking at it at all.
"Do you have to go?"
"Phil's supposed to call very soon. Archie gave us the news you were in here during an early practice session with his coach in Florida and he couldn't get out of it, but he took the next flight out right after - still in his uniform, might I add." Mom chuckled. "His plane should just be pulling in right about now. But I don't want to leave you here all alone, baby."
"No problem, Mom. You should talk to him. Besides, I won't be alone anyways." I motioned to Edythe with the point of my chin. It hurt a little less than using any other part of the body you'd usually use to indicate someone.
She sighed again. "Alright, honey. I'll be back very soon." She got up to leave, my hand still in hers.
"Wait!" I cried out, giving her fingers a squeeze. There was still something else weighing heavy on my mind. "Can you get Dad? I really, really need to see him." My voice broke with the wracking guilt building inside me anew.
"He's in the cafeteria. I'll go get him for you, honey. You just rest some more in here, alright? I love you." Mom left another kiss on my forehead.
"I love you, too." I answered right back. She showed me one last smile over her shoulder and exited the room. The instant I could no longer hear her footsteps down the hall, Edythe was already by my side.
"Just so you know, he already forgave you." She took my hand; squeezed it.
"He did?" Somehow, it made me feel even worse. Probably a lapse in judgement on his part – I couldn't shake the feeling that I'd strong-armed him into forgiving me by almost dying and everything.
"Yes. Because he loves you, Beau. Nothing you say or do can ever change that. Me, on the other hand? I think I may have lost a few points with him." She chuckled quietly.
"Sorry." I looked down, guilty. "I should've come up with a better story."
She stroked my hand. "You're perfectly fine, Beau. It's no more than mere annoyance on his part, I don't think he can stay mad at me for very long." She dimpled up, and the sight sent my heart sprinting. More embarrassing monitor sounds. Ugh.
Edythe chuckled, shaking her head in bemusement. "And that sensational story you told your mother! I must admit, you've got quite the raconteur in there, don't you? I mean, All the waterworks? Really? I'm not that desperate." She rolled her eyes.
I shrugged as best I could in my injured state. I knew she was going to bring that part of my version up; it was exactly the reason why I said it in the first place. "I don't know, you did destroy an evil vampire for me. Doesn't that make you at least a little smitten?"
"Still not desperate." She shook her head, crossing her arms over her chest. She probably would've blushed if she could, and I was so here for it.
"Hmm, okay then… how about 'hopelessly in love with me' instead?"
She thought about that one.
"Fine." She conceded. "Guilty as charged." She beamed at me.
"Good. Because Edythe?" I took her chin in my hand. "Me too." And I kissed her right then and there.
Suddenly, Dad burst into the room with a clatter. "Beau! Thank God you're okay." Dad hugged me as tight as he could without putting any pressure on the tubes and clamps and whatnot. Charlie wasn't usually one for hugs or other overt physical displays of affection like that, so it took me by surprise. But I immediately felt my throat getting tight, and my eyes welled with tears as I tried my best to return his embrace.
"I'm so sorry, Dad! About all the things I said, about leaving you there like that…" my breath hitched in my throat. "I didn't mean it; I didn't mean any of it at all. I swear."
"I know, kiddo. I know. Don't you worry about that anymore, alright?"
I nodded, still unable to make a sound. My head and my heart already felt lighter after I said the words, even more so when he'd accepted them as my apology. And I let the tears flow freely. Forget weakness – I hadn't felt stronger.
"Better let you rest, then." he whispered at last, tucking the hospital blanket tighter in around me and adjusting some of the tubes. He even somehow managed to fluff up the lumpy pillows under my head to the point they were actually almost comfortable now. "I'll buy some more food from the cafeteria for you to snack on. Be right back."
"Thanks, Dad. For everything."
"No need to thank me, son." Dad chuckled, giving my hand one last squeeze on his way out. "Love you, kid."
"Love you, Dad."
Another smile, and the door closed behind him.
And then I was quiet. At peace in a way. I let the TV drone on in the background.
"…dance studio was burned to the ground. A stolen Mercedes was found out front on the premises. Police say the suspects are still at large but as of yet have no leads in the case whatsoever…" I felt my jaw drop when I realized what they were talking about. Somehow, for the first time in my life, I'd made the news - indirectly, at least. That was when Edythe shut it down, effectively cutting the broadcast short.
"The case will go cold." She reassured with a shrug like she was a human just giving a review of the food at some mediocre burger joint she'd went to for lunch.
I blinked. "You guys burned the place down? And stole a car? You're kidding!"
Edythe laughed once at that and sighed. "A minor infraction. An anonymous donor will help with the funds needed to rebuild the studio as a pillar of the community." She smiled all innocent-like. "Oh, and before you ask, you could probably sue the hotel if you wanted to. Archie had a little too much fun fabricating the evidence, I'm afraid. In other words: It's all taken care of."
"So that's how it is. I swear, you guys have ties to the mob or something." How can anyone be so above human law as them? I was grateful in this case of course, but still.
"Or something," she muttered, sighing again right afterwards. "In any case, you don't have anything to worry about. You're only job now is to heal, mister."
"Yes, captain." I laughed, even if my ribs still kind of hurt doing that. "So how was your nap?" I smirked. But the look on her face told me she was taking my question seriously for some reason, and she didn't answer me right away.
"Well, it was… interesting." Her eyes narrowed.
"Huh. What do you mean by that?"
She looked down while she answered. "It's just… I'm a little surprised, is all. I thought Florida… and your mother…" she sighed. "Well, I thought that was what you'd want. To be away from Forks… and away from me." Her voice faltered at the end, falling off into silence.
I sat straight up immediately and snatched her hands up in mine, injuries and all. The pain was nothing compared to the pain I felt seeing her look so sad. "Hey, hey, hey. What are you talking about? I didn't want to go to Florida because then you'd only be able to come out at night like a real vampire. And I didn't want to do that to you because I know how much you like the daytime. I would've wanted - needed - you to come with us. You were always a part of the picture, no matter how I drew it. My only thought was for you."
"Oh, Beau. And know my thought is only for you when I say this, too: If that was what you decided, I would've stayed in Forks or somewhere like it, someplace where I couldn't hurt you anymore. I would've… I would've left because I need you safe, Beau."
It didn't sink in at first. I continued to stare at her blankly as the words one by one clicked into place in my head like a ghastly puzzle. I was barely conscious of the sound of my heart accelerating, though, as my breathing became borderline hyperventilation. I was aware of the sharp ache in my protesting ribs as they fought in their own way against the horrid truth of her words; what she was truly proposing to me with those knife-like statements: That she was going to leave me.
She didn't say anything, and watched my face warily with an expression that was one-half guilt and one-half sadness as I continued to stare back at her with bewildered eyes as the pain that had nothing to do with broken bones, a pain that was so much worse than that, threatened to crush me from the inside out, the darkness hanging heavy over my head.
And then a nurse walked into my room. Edythe sat as still as stone as the lady took in my expression with a practiced eye before turning to the monitors, assessing and concluding who knew what about my panicked look.
"Time for more pain meds, hon?" she asked kindly, tapping the IV feed.
"No, no, I'm okay for now. Thanks." I tried dismissing her, attempting to cover the agony I felt deep inside from seeping into my voice.
"You don't have to be brave about this, hon. I know it's hard for you boys especially, but I promise the ladies won't think any differently of you for it." The nurse looked from me to Edythe and winked; laughed. Marissa Fowler, RN, her nametag read. She was probably a little older than my mom but her voice was very light, like a young girl's. I tried concentrating on the sound of it to distract myself from the burn of Edythe's words earlier, tried in vain. "It's much better if you rest so you can heal up as much as you need to."
I shook my head. "I'm really alright. Thanks, though."
She waited another second then sighed when she realized I meant it. "Alright, young man. You just hit that call button if you need anything at all." I returned the smile she gave me on her way out.
And then Edythe's cool hands were on my face. The smile dropped instantly and I stared her down with wild eyes, my mask completely gone.
"What do you mean leave? You can't do that to me, you - you can't leave me, Edythe! How could you even say that? What am I supposed to do without you? I can't… I can't… You can't ever say stuff like that to me, Edythe. How could you even-! No. No! Don't leave me, Edythe. Please don't leave me." My breath came out in gasping bursts as I felt my blind panic choking me with every stuttering word I said.
"Shh, Beau. Calm down." she whispered, desperate, stroking the sides of my face. She took my hand and kissed it, holding it to her lips. "I'm not going anywhere. I'll be right here as long as you need me."
But my heart still couldn't slow yet, because she hadn't promised. "Do you swear you won't?" I whispered. I tried to control the gasping, at least. My ribs were throbbing with the effort.
She kissed my forehead for a long moment and held my face in her hands. "I swear, Beau. Where else would I go?"
But then a new thought occurred to me; buried me under: how could I be so selfish as to make her promise that to me? I'd only cause more trouble for everyone that way in the long run.
"I'm… really sorry for making things difficult for you and your family and for putting you all in danger. How stupid could I be? Joss didn't even have my mom. Of course she wouldn't have. If I'd only put that together sooner, if only I was smart enough to realize it earlier…"
"Stop it, Beau." Edythe pushed a cool finger to my lips. "I said it once and I'll say it again: None of this is your fault. It never was, and it never will be. Do you understand? I think you need some more rest; I'm going to call that nurse in again-"
"Don't bother." I shook my head harder than I thought I did. It hurt. A lot. I eyed my leg and arm casts; the tubes connecting me to the machines and the IV needle drip in my arm. A weak, feeble human. That's all I was – a stupid, breakable, pathetic human. And I put everyone around me in danger because of it. Mom, Dad, Edythe, the Cullens… my bad luck was rubbing off on everyone I loved. They all could have gotten hurt - or worse - because of me.
"Sometimes I wonder why you guys didn't just do the easy thing. Let the venom spread, you know. I could've been like you. And I wouldn't be so useless; I wouldn't be such a burden on you and your family, and I could have protected you too-"
Edythe clamped her hand over my mouth. "Don't you ever say that, Beau. Never say that. Do you hear me? Never." Her voice broke into a desperate, pleading whisper. I didn't know what to say; how to respond to that. Her eyes were wide on me, and they looked almost… wet. Like she was crying. How desperately did she want to keep me human? Did she just not want to be with me in the long-term? Did she just not want me to be with her? I could only jump to all the worst conclusions, it seemed my brain was actively trying to sabotage itself and hurt me. Yes. I was too boring to keep around; too clumsy. Too breakable. Too fragile. Too human. I would only hold her back. She'd outgrow me soon enough and discard me, just like that.
"I… get it." I spoke through the lump forming in my throat.
She seized my hands and held them to her chest. "Whatever you're thinking Beau, just stop it right now."
"You can't read my mind though," I shook my head, trying not to look at her.
"No, I can't. But I know you, Beau. And you have to understand that this isn't about you." Gently, she ran the back of her hand down the side of my face. "It's because I love you that I'd never, ever want to do such a thing to you, Beau. I won't be the one to end your life for you. I won't."
"Well, I was pretty close to death back there without any assistance, you know. You would have saved me, Edythe. You did save me. But if I were like you…"
She put a cool finger to my lips and finished the sentence for me, on her terms, in her own interpretation. "Then that would be a tragedy."
"That's what you think. But for me, to end up with you, forever…" I shook my head. "That would be the very best thing in the world to me."
Her breath came out shaky and she didn't say anything to that for a long while. Then she leaned down and kissed my forehead, brushing the hair peeking out from under the bandages away from my eyes.
"I did end up with you. I am with you. And I'm not going anywhere, Beau. I promise you this." she said, so steadfast and sure. I could feel my body begin to relax at her assurance and the beeping returned to a normal pace.
I hissed through my teeth when my ribs decided to act up again. "Ouch." The pain meds really were wearing off, I realized. At the worst time.
Edythe was already off the bed. She pressed the call button and made the decision for me. "Actually, I think we're ready for some more pain medication now."
"No, I'm fine." I lied. She knew.
"You're in pain. Like that nurse said earlier, there's no need to put on a brave face, you need to relax so you can heal." Then she threw a million-dollar smile at me from over her shoulder and winked. "But don't worry Beau, you'll still be my big, strong man." The heart monitors went haywire again right about then.
"That's - um, that's not what I meant." I could feel the warm patches of red creeping up my neck and face even through the haze of meds I already had flowing through my veins. "I just… don't want to close my eyes." Another lump began forming in my throat. "I'm afraid that when I open them, you won't be there anymore." In fact, I was terrified of that.
Edythe stroked my face then took my hand in both of hers. A gentle smile, almost melancholy, appeared on her lips. "I told you I'm not going anywhere. I'll be waiting right here for you when you wake up. I promise."
I smiled back, ignoring the ache in my cheeks. "But I'm talking about forever here, you know."
Edythe looked away; sighed. "But that's the beautiful thing about being human, isn't it? Things change." A catch in her voice; a break in her façade.
"Well, don't hold your breath." I said, all serious. She was certain on getting her way, but I was certain on getting mine – to actually spend forever with Edythe. One day. I knew in my heart that I would never change my mind about her. I could only hope that she wouldn't change her mind about me, either.
"And the cavalry has arrived." As promised, Nurse Fowler came waltzing in, a satisfied grin on her face. Edythe stood aside, her back up against the far wall to give her some more space. "Here you go, honey." She injected the medicine into one of my tubes.
"Thanks." I mumbled, unenthusiastic. At least the needles weren't getting jabbed into me this time. It didn't take long before I could feel it taking effect.
"Just give me a call if you need anything else, hon." She left the room and Edythe moved to my side immediately.
"Stay." I begged even in the drowsiness that was slowly winning out.
"I will, Beau." she promised, kissing the tops of my hands. Then I could feel her lips at my ear, the cool of her breath. "Like I said, as long as it makes you happy… as long as it's what's best for you."
I tried to shake my head, but it was too heavy. "But it's not… it's not the same thing."
She pressed her lips together, sighing a moment after. It was a sad sound. "Don't worry about that right now, Beau. You can argue with me all you want when you wake up." She brushed a kiss on my forehead, her hand still holding mine.
I think I smiled as the relief washed over me. "Okay."
"I love you, Beau." she whispered.
"Me, too."
"I know." She laughed quietly.
I turned my head slightly…searching. She knew what I was after. Her lips touched mine very gently.
"Wow, I feel better already." I laughed. She laughed, too. A sound like music.
I wasn't really all there anymore, but I fought against the stupor weakly. I took another long look at Edythe's beautiful face, mere inches from mine. Committed every inch and every crevice of it to memory. I knew I would dream of her tonight.
"I love you." I managed in full this time. "I really do."
"And I love you. So much." she reiterated, her voice breaking. Another cool kiss, and then sleep at last closed over me.